Hello everyone,
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Imagine being trapped in a destructive cycle for eight long years, knowing you need to escape but feeling utterly powerless to do so. That was my reality. I'm a 26-year-old man who, from the tender age of 12, found himself caught in the relentless grip of pornography and masturbation addiction.
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By 18, I was painfully aware of the damage it was causing and desperate to break free. I tried everything – NoFap, meditation, sports, cold showers, even punishing myself, but to no avail. It felt like my addiction was an unshakeable opponent. But then, something changed. I discovered a strategy that changed my life. If you're struggling, I want to share this with you...
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Caught in the grip of this addiction, I would spend an average of seven hours per day, even peaking at thirteen hours sometimes. The toll of this habit was heavy, affecting my personal, professional, and social life severely. Yet everything changed when I discovered Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery method.
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While his book provided me with crucial insights, it was his comprehensive AVRT Demonstration, where Trimpey guided an alcohol addict towards permanent abstinence, that truly filled the missing pieces in my fight against addiction. The Rational Recovery method fundamentally shifted my perspective towards addiction, helping me to recognize and silence the voice of my brain (the Beast) pushing me to consume. Today, I want to share my experience, hoping it could be an effective solution for many of you. You can access the entire demonstration at the end in the 'Useful Resources' section.
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Understanding Addiction and Navigating this Guide
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Let's talk about what addiction really is. Addiction isn't about the behavior itself, but rather the desire to escape pain and seek a better life. It is marked by ambivalence, a feeling of being torn between two minds. Overcoming addiction involves breaking free from the grip of pleasure and reclaiming control over oneself.
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Before I delve into how I applied the Rational Recovery method and the results I got, I want to pose a simple but powerful question: If I placed a big red button in front of you that, when pressed, would instantly eradicate your addiction, would you press it?
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If your answer is 'yes', then you have all the reasons you need to quit. I've been where you are now, writing pages upon pages of reasons to stop, yet relapsing despite knowing how harmful it was. It's important to recognize when a pattern becomes harmful, it's time to stop.
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As you explore this guide, remember the importance of keeping an open mind. Let's borrow some wisdom from Mark Twain, who once said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” It's a nod to the importance of being receptive to new ideas and methods. This guide may offer a different approach, but embracing it might bring about the change you're seeking.
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What is AVRT?

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AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) is a transformative strategy that I've found invaluable in my journey to overcoming addiction. This technique helps you recognize and differentiate yourself from the 'addictive voice', the part of your primitive brain structure that fuels your addiction.
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Think of AVRT as your personal defense mechanism that works under any circumstance, regardless of your emotional state – be it sadness, anger,boredom, loneliness, or stress. The aim here isn't to suppress these emotions, but rather to stay in control of your actions, no matter what you're feeling.
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The 'addictive voice' – which we'll call the 'beast' – is a sneaky internal saboteur. It's the part of you that wants to continue with the harmful habit, despite you consciously knowing it's not beneficial. AVRT is about learning to separate this beast from your own true will, thus empowering you to reclaim your life.
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The power of AVRT lies in this distinction between you and the beast. Once you master this technique, you'll learn to reject the rationalizations and temptations that originate from the beast. The dissociation from the beast is what makes it possible to make a firm, irrevocable commitment to quit your addiction. By not identifying with the beast, you can prevent yourself from suffering commonly associated with resisting addiction.
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In essence, AVRT isn't about fighting or resisting; it's about recognizing, dissociating, and reclaiming control of your life.
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What is the "beast"?

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The "beast" is a term coined by the Rational Recovery method to denote the part of your brain pushing you towards your addiction. We call it the Beast because, like a wild, uncontrollable animal, it cares about nothing but fulfilling its need. It is a cunning inner voice, whispering that you need to engage in porn and masturbation to feel satisfied, relieved, or happy. This voice, often referred to as the Addictive Voice (AV), can be quite deceptive. It might paint you a picture of an enticing scene, produce alluring sounds, offer a moment of relief, or even present a false promise of control—"Just be more careful next time."
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This beast manipulates you with excuses, deceptive emotions, and outright lies to make you succumb to your addiction. But let's make one thing clear: the beast is not your friend. It's your worst enemy. It's a parasitic entity that has latched onto your life, thriving on your addictive behavior. Like every living thing, it fears its end, and that end comes when you stop feeding the addiction. It has no regard for your well-being, your relationships, your life goals, or your health. Only its survival matters.
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As you read through this guide, it's crucial to remain aware of the Beast's interference. Remember, the Beast manifests as a voice in your head or as an emotion, pushing you towards addictive thoughts and actions. You might experience feelings of resistance, discomfort, anger, fear, anxiety, or even a cringe reaction. These are the Beast's attempts to disrupt your progress.
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While the Beast can attempt to manipulate your thoughts and emotions, it does not and cannot control your actions. It's your survival instincts that the Beast taps into, but your ability to make decisions, to govern your actions, thoughts, and emotions is uniquely yours.
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The Beast may present itself in thoughts like, "This is too difficult to understand," "This won't work for me," or "I'm an exception to this method." Understand that these thoughts are not your own, but the Beast's desperate attempts to maintain control.
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In its relentless quest for satisfaction, the beast views everything, including you, as expendable. It's the embodiment of your addiction, caring for nothing but its next fix. It's deaf to reason, blind to consequences, and immune to remorse.
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If this description resonates with you, don't panic. You're not 'sick.' It's merely an error of association made by your body - an error in the script, so to speak. It mistakenly believes that this addictive behavior is as vital for your survival as breathing or eating.
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Take these moments of resistance as signs that you are on the right track. You're threatening the Beast's existence, and it's trying to fight back. Recognize these voices for what they are, continue moving forward, and know that each step brings you closer to reaffirming your control and freedom from addiction.
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[How to Proceed]
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Recognition Technique

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Let me share an effective exercise, adapted from the Rational Recovery book, that could help you end your porn and masturbation addiction right now.
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Start by observing your thoughts and feelings about watching porn or masturbating, both positive and negative. The thoughts and feelings that encourage continued use represent your Addictive Voice (AV), while those advocating for abstinence represent the real you.
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When you learn to identify and understand your AV, it becomes an easily defeated foe causing you to indulge. All it craves is pleasure. The main tactic of the Beast is to seize control of the pronoun 'I'. It will try to convince you by saying things like "I want to watch porn" or "I need pornography ".
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However, you can effectively counter this strategy. By simply adding a 't' and shifting the 'I' to 'It', you can remind yourself that these thoughts are not truly yours, but are the Beast's manipulations. So the sentences become, "It wants to watch porn" or "It needs pornography ".
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By changing "I" to "It", you dissociate from the discomfort or distress. Yes, it's that simple, placing it squarely on the Beast instead of yourself. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are the Beast's attempts to coerce you back into addiction.
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Now, tell yourself, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again", and listen for any negative reactions – this is your AV responding. Conversely, if you think, "I will consume porn or masturbate whenever I please," any pleasant feelings that arise are also your AV asserting control.
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This recognition technique dispels short-term desire, making abstinence effortless. Complete separation of 'you' from 'it' results in complete recovery and hope for a better life.
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Picture the AVRT technique as a form of gardening. The Addictive Voice is the weed trying to overtake your garden and sapping nutrients from the other plants. Recognizing the weed for what it is and uprooting it preserves your garden's health. Similarly, identifying and acting against your Addictive Voice safeguards a healthy and fulfilling life free from addiction.
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Shifting Technique

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Shifting is another powerful technique to help you dissociate from the beast of addiction. The idea is to alternate between viewing your addiction from the perspective of the beast and your own.
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When viewing addiction through the Beast's eyes, you visualize what it craves the most about the addictive behavior and imagine the associated pleasure for a few minutes. It will express sentiments like "I want this now!" or "Please give it to me!", and you may start to feel the beast getting excited, happy, or impatient.
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Then, shift to your perspective and reflect on the pain and negative impact the addiction has on you and those around you. Allow yourself feelings of disgust. Let your own feelings now take over, and you will find that your Beast withdraws and you feel either neutral or put off. This back-and-forth process allows you to dissociate from the Beast.
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Think of Shifting as toggling between two TV channels: one projects a seductive yet distorted image of addiction, while the other reveals the harsh reality of its damage.
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Introducing the "Big Plan"

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The idea of the Big Plan in Rational Recovery is to make a personal commitment to lifelong abstinence from addiction. This commitment, for me, took the form of the decisive statement, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again". It involves pinpointing a day and an hour for your turning point. For me, that was a Sunday at 12am. This moment represents a clear and definitive end to your addictive behavior and the start of a new chapter in your life. You can decide to commit either immediately after going through this post or by specifying your day and hour. It's entirely your choice, and we'll discuss this in more depth later.
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Your Power Over the Beast

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The Beast, despite its intimidating name, is in fact harmless. It may try to coerce, manipulate, and instill fear, but it is important to remember that it is powerless without your consent. It cannot force you to return to the addictive behavior; only you can make that decision. In fact, you are the main authority, the one in charge, and it's the Beast that fears you.
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The Beast is aware of your power and control, and it's terrified of it. It knows that you can shatter its illusions in a snap, without any difficulty. You're the one who makes the call, not the Beast, and it fears your unyielding decision to quit the addiction forever.
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Its tactics may often involve fear. It's like the Beast is pointing a gun at you, but the truth is, its gun is empty. It's just a bluff, an illusion. You know it, and the Beast knows it too. It's simply trying to maintain its influence by resorting to fear tactics, but you can see through its lies.
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"Don't trust yourself in tempting situations...you're not strong enough yet." – The Beast's voice:
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The Beast tries to maintain control by suggesting certain places, events, or people will trigger a relapse. You might hear it whisper, "You can't go to that event, you might relapse," or "Avoid that location, it's too risky." This is simply the Beast's tactic to keep a hold on you, aiming to make you believe you're not completely in control.
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By simply recognizing it for what it is - a tactic of the Beast to undermine your confidence - you can dismiss these fear tactics and reaffirm your control.
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What if I Lose Control?

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The Beast within you is a cunning entity, ever ready to exploit your moments of doubt and vulnerability. It whispers falsehoods, instilling fear and shaking your confidence. But don't be swayed, for you have always held the reins. The Beast may inhabit a corner of your mind, but it lacks the power to control your actions.
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Not convinced? Try this: Extend your finger in front of your eyes and move it, then ask the Beast to do the same. The Beast can't because it doesn't hold sway over your physical actions.
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The truth is, you've never truly "failed" in your endeavor against addiction. You've always had the choice, and sometimes you've elected to surrender to the Beast's desires. But that doesn't equate to losing control. It merely shows you gave in, momentarily, to the Beast's whisperings.
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Expectations

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Recovery from addiction isn't about becoming a superhero or uncovering the universe's hidden secrets. It's about realizing that we don't have control over every aspect of life. However, we do have control over our actions, our reactions, and how we choose to face life's unpredictable events.
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Do you choose the path of self-discovery and freedom from addiction? Or do you prefer to remain confined by the restrictions that addiction imposes? Be cautious: the Beast may distort your perspective, asking, "Where are the benefits?" or suggesting, "You haven't gained anything," and even instigating impatience by incessantly asking, "How long until I see the benefits?"
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But don't fall prey to these distortions. Escaping addiction isn't about immediate gain or fixing all your life's problems. Recovery isn't a magic solution; it's a step towards personal empowerment. It's about gaining freedom and unlocking your potential, not just as a person in recovery, but as an individual capable of resilience and authenticity.
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Concentrate on the liberation that breaking free from addiction brings. Let's choose this path towards a life where addiction no longer controls us, allowing us to genuinely live and experience life to its fullest.
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Understanding the Real Reason You're Engaging in This

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Engaging in this addiction is solely for pleasure and nothing more. Every other justification is a fabrication of the Beast. It's designed to make you believe that giving in to your addiction is the only route to happiness or relief when you're feeling depressed, bored, lonely, stressed, or miserable.
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Speaking from personal experience, I used to think that I turned to pornography and masturbation because I was lonely, stressed, or had a rough day. I thought that because I spent my entire day working alone on a computer, my environment or lifestyle was to blame for my addiction. These were excuses, a way to avoid taking responsibility for my actions, guided by the Beast's narrative.
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The key to recognizing the Beast is noticing that the conversation always bends towards indulgence in your addiction.
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Imagine you're having a tough day, and you begin to feel down. Instead of recognizing this as a passing mood, the Beast seizes this opportunity. It will amplify your negative emotions by saying things like, "You're always unhappy, aren't you? You know what would make you feel better... just one quick session won't hurt." Or, "You're so lonely, this is unbearable. Just indulge, it's your only comfort." These harsh whispers are the Beast's attempts to deepen your feeling of depression and nudge you towards the addictive behavior. Depression doesn't create addiction; addiction does.
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The Beast's goal? To make you feel so low that resorting to your addiction seems like the only way out. Conversely, when you're content and joyful, the Beast will persuade you to give in, arguing it will amplify your satisfaction. Just think about it. If you're living what you perceive as a perfect life, the Beast will still argue you could feel even better with pornography and masturbation. It's a never-ending, destructive cycle.
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Understanding and Separating Desire

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Desire, in its essence, is not a negative emotion; it's a natural human condition. It propels us toward achievement, drives creativity, and gives meaning to our experiences. It also plays a crucial role in our relationships and our sexuality. The key in overcoming addiction is not to extinguish desire altogether, but to discern between healthy desires and those manipulated by the Beast.
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Imagine your desires as a beautiful, roaring river. It's full of life, movement, and potential. This river represents your natural, healthy desires - things like connecting with others, pursuing your hobbies, personal growth, and even your sexual desires. These are your desires, part of who you are.
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Then, there's the Beast's desire - a poisonous stream trying to merge into your river, attempting to hijack your natural flow. This stream carries the pull of addiction, steering you away from your authentic path, manipulating your thoughts, and distorting your perceptions.
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Recognize this poisonous stream and refuse to let it merge with your river. This is not about damming the entire river or stifling your desires, but about rejecting the poisonous stream that the Beast introduces. It's about retaining your authentic desires and letting them guide you.
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Identify that any thought associated with the desire to indulge in the addiction is coming from the Beast. By doing so, you begin to differentiate between what you truly want and what the Beast wants. This understanding will empower you, helping you keep your river clean, vibrant, and true to its course.
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In the whirlwind of addiction, it can be easy to confuse the Beast's desires with our own. I, too, was lost in this confusion. I believed I was drawn to endless layers of perversion, thinking that I was attracted to the limitless exploration of perversion. But deep down, this wasn't me, it was the Beast's influence, its relentless push for more and more. Upon reflection, I realized my true desire was much simpler and profoundly more meaningful: to love and be loved. To have a wife, to raise children together, to share in the mundane and the magical moments of life. That's my authentic desire, not the empty promises of temporary pleasure the Beast kept pushing. This profound clarity is a stark contrast to the Beast's corruption, a beacon that can guide you back to your true self.
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The goal is not to eliminate desire, but to reclaim it, to keep it authentic and personal. Desire is a part of your humanity; it's the Beast's manipulation of it that leads to addiction.

The Myth of Relapse and the Power of Perfection.

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The Beast might sometimes whisper, "It's okay to relapse. You'll do better next time." This is a shrewd strategy designed to maintain its hold on you by normalizing relapse as a part of the recovery journey. It uses these tactics to sow seeds of doubt in your mind, aiming to eventually lead you to relapse. Rational Recovery, however, views this differently: the key is making a definitive decision—your Big Plan—to abstain from the addictive behavior and sticking to it under any circumstances.
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Human beings are perfectly capable of achieving perfection in certain aspects of life. Consider the professional athlete who plays a perfect game or the musician who delivers a flawless performance. They do so by making a firm commitment to their goal and adhering to it diligently, without allowing any room for mistakes.
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Similarly, your recovery journey can be perfect too. Once you make your Big Plan to abstain from addictive behavior, you can stick to it perfectly, without any relapses. This is the ideal that Rational Recovery promotes—not "try, fail, and try again," but "decide and stick to your decision perfectly."
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Your Beast wants you to believe that perfection is unachievable, as this gives it room to persuade you to relapse. But don't let it fool you. You have the power to make a perfect decision and stick to it.
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What if it's too Difficult or Painful?

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Instead of pondering over this, consider a different question: 'For whom is it too painful or difficult?' Any discomfort or difficulty associated with ceasing the addiction stems from the Beast, not you. Observing the Beast's distress is a positive sign - it shows you're successfully dissociating from it.
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Remember that humans can only fully experience one feeling at a time. When you start feeling discomfort from abstaining, it's crucial to recognize that this isn't your discomfort. It's the Beast that suffering. The Beast is protesting because it's not getting what it wants. This suffering isn't negative for you; in fact, it's a positive sign. It means you're successfully asserting control over your decisions, as the Beast's discomfort indicates that it's losing its influence over you.
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Most importantly, remember: you are safe. You risk nothing by quitting this addiction. Every feeling of discomfort or fear is from the Beast, not you. Your well-being and safety are never in jeopardy by choosing to stop. By rejecting the Beast's influence and asserting your control, you reclaim your freedom from addiction.
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How would I know what I will do in the future?

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While predicting your future actions may be impossible, you can certainly define what you would never do. Consider the activities that you find disturbing, unhealthy, and reprehensible - those that you would never engage in.
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Now, add porn and masturbation addiction to that list. As you do this, pay attention to your Beast. It might try to concoct far-fetched scenarios that seem to justify succumbing to the addiction. Recognize these for what they are: desperate attempts by the Beast to manipulate your thoughts. By doing so, you can effectively disregard its interference and remain true to your values.
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I'm scared to relapse, what should I do?

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Relapse anxiety is a common pitfall many encounter on their NoFap journey. You may be confidently progressing, then suddenly a thought creeps in: "What if I relapse tomorrow?" This thought triggers anxiety, shaking your belief in your commitment.
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From the Rational Recovery standpoint, relapse anxiety is the Beast's deceptive voice trying to manipulate you. It incites fear and uncertainty, making you feel as if relapse is imminent. The Beast attempts to shake your confidence and sense of control. But here's the truth: relapse anxiety is an illusion, a tactic used by the Beast to tighten its grip.
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Combat this by distancing yourself from the Beast and recognizing that relapse anxiety is a deceptive tactic used by the Beast to instill fear and weaken your resolve. Remember, you risk nothing by quitting this addiction; you are safe. Any discomfort you experience stems from the Beast, not you.
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Reiterate your Big Plan: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." By affirming your decision and distancing yourself from the Beast's influence, you can dispel the anxiety and stay firmly on your path. Remember, you are in control, and you will always stay in control, the fears conjured by the Beast hold no sway over you.
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The Beast's Attack on the Dreamscape

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The Beast's intrusion into your dreams should not be a source of fear. This isn't a situation that requires extensive concern, this is just a sign of the Beast's distress.
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There are generally two types of dreams where the Beast tries to assert its influence. The first type are explicit sex dreams, designed to reignite the desires and cravings associated with your addiction. The second type are dreams where you see yourself relapsing, which can be distressing and seem all too real.
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When your neocortex (the real you) goes to sleep, the Beast sees an opportunity to attack and tries to regain influence over you through these dreams. This is evidence that you are on the right track. Your progress towards your goal of freedom from addiction is causing this panicked response from the Beast.
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Remember, no matter what happens in your dreams, you are in control in reality. These dreams are just dreams, and they do not have the power to make you do anything.
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Understanding 'Blue Balls' and Nocturnal Emissions in Recovery

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Experiencing discomfort or an aching in the testicles, often referred to as 'blue balls,' is something that some individuals might encounter during their decision to quit their porn and masturbation addiction. Similarly, you may also experience nocturnal emissions or 'wet dreams' during your journey to recovery.
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These phenomena aren't signs of harm, danger, or relapse, but rather physical manifestations of your body adjusting to your firm decision to quit the addiction.
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While your body is adapting to a new, healthier state, not reliant on constant sexual stimulation, the Beast might attempt to distort these occurrences into negative experiences. It might tell you that nocturnal emissions are relapses, causing unwarranted fear and anxiety. But remember, you're in control.
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Consider these sensations and events as physical signs of your transformation, a testament to the changes happening within you. It's important to remember that not everyone experiences this, and even if you do, it's not something to be overly concerned about. These adjustments are something you are more than capable of handling. As your body adjusts to your new lifestyle, such events will likely decrease and eventually stop. Don't let the Beast use these natural bodily responses as a scare tactic.
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Gradual Reduction: A Beast's Strategy

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In your journey of breaking free from addiction, you might be tempted to adopt a "gradual reduction" approach - cutting back little by little rather than quitting outright. This strategy, while seemingly logical, is often a ploy from the Beast, setting you up for failure.
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During my own journey, for many months, I was enticed by the concept of gradually reducing my addictive behaviors. The approach felt less abrupt, seemingly offering a smoother transition. Even the Beast within me suggested compromises such as, "Let's start by indulging only in the afternoon," or "How about we limit it to weekends?".However, I discovered through experience that this gradual reduction strategy often creates more problems than it resolves. Let me tell you why.
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Firstly, by not making a clean break, you're continually feeding the addiction, keeping the Beast alive and active. It's akin to trying to put out a fire while still pouring small amounts of gasoline on it - it keeps the flames going, never fully extinguishing the fire.
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Secondly, when you set specific times or days for indulging, you're not freeing your mind from the addiction; instead, you're refocusing it. You find yourself constantly counting down the hours or days until your next 'allowed' session. This fixation lead to a persistent preoccupation with the addiction, turning the process into something torturous and counterproductive.
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Lastly, even on the days where you've decided not to indulge, the Beast is still at work. It doesn't take breaks. It try to convince you to deviate from your plan, asserting things like, "You're going to do it in a couple of days anyway, so why not just do it today? Why wait?" This becomes a recurring battle with the Beast, undermining your resolve.
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The gradual reduction method keeps the addiction in focus, maintains the Beast's influence, and undermines your resolve. It's far more effective to make a clean break and assert your decision to quit outright. Remember, you're not losing anything by quitting - you're freeing yourself from the Beast's control.
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Counting Days

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Why should you spend energy on counting days for an activity you've resolved never to engage in? The Beast excels at setting goals and then weaponizing them against us.
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Here's how the Beast use day counting against you:
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Making a big deal of milestones: The Beast lead you to focus excessively on reaching a certain number of days, weeks, or months. While milestones can be motivational, the Beast use them to create unnecessary stress and pressure, saying things like "What if you don't make it?" or "Imagine how bad it would feel to start over."
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Justifying a lapse: "You've made it 100 days, you deserve a reward!" or "One slip after so many days won't hurt." The Beast use the number of days as an excuse to suggest that it would be "safe" or "earned" to indulge in the addictive behavior.
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Creating a false sense of security: The Beast suggest that after a certain number of days without indulging in the addiction, you're "cured" and could safely return to the behavior without becoming addicted again.
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Undermining early progress: In the initial stages, the Beast belittle the small number of days you've been free from the addiction, making statements like "You've only managed two days, you'll never make it a week."
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Leveraging bad days: If you're having a tough day, the Beast say, "You're miserable even after 30 days clean. See, quitting doesn't make things better. Might as well go back."
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Remember, these are all tricks of the Beast trying to manipulate you into returning to the addictive behavior. The Beast will use anything, including the count of days, to try to get what it wants. The best way to deal with this is to remain steadfast in your decision and continue dissociating from the Beast.
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So, instead of getting trapped in the Beast's game of counting days, surrender this act to it. We can concentrate on the broader scope - liberating ourselves from the Beast's clutches, embracing enduring change, and regaining our freedom. Day counting becomes insignificant because it no longer illustrates our path. Our chosen journey is one where the Beast's urges hold no power, and our authentic liberation takes the limelight. Let the Beast obsess over counting days, while we commit to a life of emancipation and self-discovery.
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Why Punishment Doesn't Work

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Self-punishment is a common response to addiction, yet it often proves ineffective. This can take many forms, from physical discomfort to emotional torment. In my own battle against addiction, I tried various self-punishment strategies. On the physical side, I would resort to self-harm. Emotionally, I burdened myself with negative self-talk, depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, sadness, and even thoughts of death. It's important to note, however, that these intense feelings of guilt and self-condemnation were amplified by the Beast. The Beast utilizes such negative emotions to paint addiction as the only respite, the only 'good thing' left in life. It is a manipulative trick to keep you chained to the addiction.
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Yet, over time, these painful memories have faded, while the seductive pull of the addictive behavior has remained vivid in my mind. It's a compelling illustration of the human condition: we often forget pain and remember pleasure.
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Consider individuals who struggle with drug addiction. They might end up in a hospital after an overdose, experiencing immense physical pain. But as time passes, the memory of this pain dissipates, while the allure of the drug, the pleasure it brought, remains clear and tempting. This imbalance often leads them back into the cycle of addiction.
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This became evident to me during the last week leading up to my final decision to quit - my Big Plan. It was the most challenging week of my life; I was counting the days until my liberation. Now that I'm free, when I think back to that week, the Beast tries to rewrite the narrative, calling it the "best week of all time!"
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This disparity between the memory of pain and pleasure underscores why self-punishment is an ineffective strategy for long-term addiction recovery. Rational Recovery offers a different approach. Rather than relying on the fleeting memory of pain, it focuses on recognizing and dissociating from the addictive voice—the Beast.
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Arguing with the beast

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Let's clarify something: arguing with the Beast is futile. The Beast is single-minded, craving only the satisfaction of its addiction. Moreover, it's cunning, capable of playing both sides of an argument.
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For instance, the Beast might implant thoughts such as, "You could indulge now, it's not a big deal." Then, to create confusion and feign agreement, it might echo that very idea, saying, "Yes, I could indulge now." It's essential to recognize that both these sentiments are from the Beast. It is a clear demonstration of how it can promote the idea of indulgence while also pretending to be 'you' to create an illusion of consent.
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In the Rational Recovery technique, every thought or feeling associated with the indulgence in the addiction is identified as coming from the Beast, including its attempts to take possession of the pronoun "I".
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You are the decision-maker here, you are in control. Your will is what truly matters, and the Beast must inevitably conform to your decisions.
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Dealing with White-Knuckling and Intense Urges

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Feeling urges, cravings, or hunger sensations is a natural part of the recovery journey. In fact, it's a positive sign, an indication that you are making progress. However, these feelings can turn into white-knuckling when you identify with the Beast's thoughts and feelings. When you start saying things like "I'm so horny" or "I need a relief ASAP," you're identifying with the beast voice. When you find yourself arguing with the Beast or doubting your decision to quit, you're in the grip of white-knuckling.
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In my own journey to recovery, I experienced these urges, cravings, and sensations. But rather than identifying with them and turning them into a struggle, I recognized them as signs of the Beast's distress, not mine. It was the Beast who was desperate and frustrated, not me. This recognition made these moments not just bearable but even satisfying, as they signaled that I was on the right track in my recovery.
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The power of these urges and cravings diminished with my Big Plan, my absolute decision to never indulge in the addictive behavior again. Even if you find yourself in a white-knuckling situation, remember that you can shift your perspective. Recognize that every thought encouraging the addictive behavior is coming from the Beast, and use the Recognition or Shifting techniques to help you dissociate from these thoughts and feelings. After that, reaffirm your Big Plan, stating firmly and clearly, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This firm commitment to your Big Plan will dispel all doubt, releasing you from the grip of white-knuckling.
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The Big Plan: Your Commitment to Freedom

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Taking a firm decision is a critical step in overcoming addiction, and this is what making a Big Plan entails. This plan is a complete commitment, devoid of room for negotiation or compromise. When you formulate a Big Plan, you're making a promise to yourself to never indulge in your addiction again, under any circumstances.
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Choosing a specific day for your Big Plan can help add a sense of occasion and finality to your decision. For instance, I personally chose a Sunday at 12am. Your Beast will likely agree to this arrangement, looking forward to a "last hurrah."
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But as you approach your chosen day to initiate your Big Plan, the Beast may start getting anxious. It may whisper, "I can't let this go!" or "Let's postpone the Big Plan, and enjoy this for now!" This is not your voice. It's the voice of the Beast, trying to make you delay your decision and panicking at the impending loss of its control.
​
Your declaration for the Big Plan could be: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This phrase embodies the essence of the Big Plan — a firm, unyielding decision that signifies your commitment to stay addiction-free.
​
In your journey to overcome addiction, the video I am about to share will be invaluable. It features Jack Trimpey, the founder of Rational Recovery, directly guiding you through the process of making a Big Plan. Although Trimpey focuses on alcohol and drug addiction in the video, his guidance applies to any addiction, including pornography and masturbation. Carefully absorb his words, understanding their relevance to your personal struggle.
​
watch this video, skip to 33:39 for the Big Plan section: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n2YH8RLd_4&list=PLazOJVze5_z3BdcDSF3uPtN8Vu9VDqVJl&index=3where

Conclusion

I've spent a month compiling my experiences and sharing the tools that aided me on my journey. You are free to ask questions while I'm around, but please note that I'm not a regular Reddit user and won't be able to answer indefinitely. For those interested in Rational Recovery, all the information you need is in the "Useful Resources" section. If you found this post helpful, please consider upvoting or sharing it with friends who might benefit from it. Always remember to dissociate from the Beast and stand firm in your Big Plan. Holding unwavering trust in your decision is the key to defeating the Beast. May you embrace your journey to freedom and experience the liberation you've been longing for. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Useful Resources

Rational Recovery Book : https://www.amazon.fRational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=rational+recovery&sr=8-1
AVRT Demonstration (AVRT Live Vol 1-5) : https://www.youtube.com/@DeborahSpringborn/videos

hi! i play alto sax and am considering joining the marching band, but i don’t know how well i can handle the temperature in LA. i did marching band throughout high school and loved it but there were a handful of times where i had to sit out or go home because i was gonna pass out. i will say that the humidity is terrible here, so maybe a dry heat will be easier, but i still don’t know if it’s worth it.
on the topic of marching band, i’m also wondering if i need it as much as i did in hs. it was a great way for me to make friends as a little 9th grader, but i have already met people from sca and also plan to join a few clubs/jazz band/some kind of concert ensemble (on oboe if possible, since i also play that, but i’m not a music major). any thoughts?

I just don't want this anymore all this school work and job work and computer troubles all this shit is just adding up I am feeling completely lost I don't want to go to anyone for help cause they will just be like oh yeah we'll just man up like bro i came to you for fucking help sometimes I just feel completely worthless everyone in my friendgroup is like oh him yeh he's the funny guy and I try to be but I feel like I just can't anymore you know. I have asked out 2 girls I liked both of them said let's just be friends and yeh I acknowledge and I'm not angry at them but man I try I wish I could just have someone to cuddle with someone that liked me back someone I could have deep conversations with but no I have noone and I don't know if I would be able to mentally take another no I just want to be freinds I came close to ending it both those other times but I managed to get talked out of it I just have all this emotion built up and I don't wanna hurt anyone if I just can't handle it anymore I just need someone that will care about me

So I have chronic pain and chronic fatigue. The chronic pain has been found to be mostly from may thurner syndrome and the compression from it, it causes horrific pain in my legs and feet that keeps me from walking at times. I get no help for the pain, I've been to many specialists, no one cares enough to bother helping me anymore. I've tried a lot for the pain, heat, cold, anti depressants, a lot of tylenol, ibuprofen, lidocane patch, and a lot more. All I'm offered anymore is tylenol and anti depressants, even if I say they do nothing, thats all they give me. The fatigue is also horrendous and all I can do after going out for some groceries is just sleep for days. I also have an insane amount of food allergies and sensitivities, and I have a newly discovered soy and wheat allergy. Eating is pure hell, I know it I eat something I'll probably be in more pain for days.
I'm going into my senior year of highschool, I don't even think I'm gonna graduate. I've had these health issues since middle school, and the highschool wouldn't accomodate me for online until last month, school is over on june 12th. It took them so long because they didn't want to bother with it, and they lied many times and told me online isn't a possible option for me. For the past years I've failed or just barely passed my classes. I don't know what to do. I want a job, but I don't think I'd be able to handle one, if I do one it most likely has to be remote.
Mom figures I should just go on disability, which I am agreeing with but being on disability is so limiting, and it would take ages for me to even get it. She's on disability as well, ssdi, took her 2 years to get it. I can't imagine how it'd be for me and I have no work history, I don't think they'd even consider. My illness limits me so much I don't know where to go or what to do.

The Nature of Predators is made by u/SpacePaladin15
Previous/ First
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Memory transcription subject: Varce, Cattle Farm Δ12
Date [standardized human time]: January 5, 2137
The kitchen was once again filled with the scent of boiling crab. Al and Kyra were manning the cooking station, occasionally poking down crab parts that would try to float to the surface. The rest of the division and I were separating meat from shell.
Al’s injured arm was coming along nicely. The gauze that lined his arm under the bandages stayed clean the last time he checked himself. He could even somewhat use it now. While he couldn’t do more physically intensive activities like splitting body shells with his knife, he could still do smaller things like cooking.
I looked up from my work when I heard an annoyed sigh coming from my human. Oddly enough, Kyra was shooting a glare of pure disgust in my direction. Not really sure what I did to warrant that kind of look.
As I sat there confused, a large hand reached over me and snatched the piece of crab meat I was working on. Alright, who’s the smart guy? I turned to chew out the thief, however I stopped when I was greeted by a wall of scales. The list of Arxur I knew that were this large was dangerously short.
Yeah, danger is a good word for this.
I bowed my head down in fealty. “Your cruelness. How may I serve you.”
An audible swallow could be heard above me. “I’m not here for you Welfare Officer. Human, follow me… Also, this food is awful.”
Chief Hunter Shaza pivoted away from me and began walking towards the door that was currently being manned by a pair of guards. There was nothing more I wanted to do at that moment than to tell her to fuck off. After the wound she inflicted on Al, she would have the self-entitlement to come in and start commanding him to do her biding. I stayed silent though, maybe I’m a coward.
As I started to sink into my own thoughts, I felt my arm getting tugged. Al was standing by me, motioning his head for me to follow him. But she doesn’t want me. I don’t want to get her mad… I forced myself up. My legs felt like lead as I fought every instinct in my head. I’m not going to run and hide. I’m not a prey.
I pulled myself along, following Al into the hallway. The door guards looked me over as they began tailing us. My heart skipped a beat as Al hopped forward a few paces, aligning himself to be beside the Chief Hunter.
Worse yet, he started to talk. “Chief Hunter Shaza. I’d like to have a quick conversation with you. There is a restroom down the hall.”
She lazily swung her head towards him and gave a grunt. “Fine.”
You stupid bastard.
I quietly followed them into the restroom, unsure of what was to come. The guards stopped at the door to ensure we had privacy. Shaza stood next to a sink while looking the two of us over.
Al postured himself respectfully and spoke. “Chief Hunter Shaza. I have raised the price of my cooperation.”
The Chief Hunter gave pause. “And what made you think you have a say in this?”
Al tapped his bandaged arm. “Besides the obvious one? I suspect you’re not in a good position to be saying no. So I might as well take advantage of the situation.”
She didn’t like that. “You think I’m vulnerable? Like a weak prey.”
Al kept a straight face. “Your Cruelness. You lost a quarter of your bargaining power and have an angry Prophet Descendant demanding results. You came to me to give you those results. I will give you what you need, but I want you to do something for me in return.”
Her eye twitched in anger. Al got a bullseye on this one. The fact she hadn’t gutted him yet was proof that she was desperate. The Prophet Descendant was the only person in the Dominion that could have her executed. And it looked like she was fearing for her neck.
Shaza approached my human, grabbing the top of his head and looking him in the eyes. “What do you want?”
“I want Varce here to be given top priority in the Dominion’s eugenics program. I want every one of his kids to be supplied with big swaths of fertile land for raising syasaras. I want his kids to never know hunger.”
The senior officer exhaled a chuckle while releasing Al’s head. “That’s it? You got me worked up over nothing… I’ll write a recommendation if you offer anything worthwhile to me.”
I was speechless. I’d told Al a couple of times about how I wanted to get into the eugenics program. This was a dream come true. To not only get to father the next generation, but for them to be guaranteed a good life as well. I’d owe Al a debt I’d never be able to fully pay. I… I just… Thank you.
A firm hip check to my outer thigh brought me back to reality. Shaza was already walking out the door as Al waved me a goodbye. With everyone gone, I mulled over what happened as I washed my claws. My life has gotten so much better since I met my human. I really do need to think of a way to show him my gratitude.
As I strolled my way back to the kitchen, it occurred to me that vice admiral hadn’t given me any notice of Shaza’s arrival. I pulled out my holopad while entering the kitchen. Kyra gave me a worried look that I alleviated with a joyful nod.
I relaxed in a chair while messaging the vice admiral. “Vice Admiral, are you aware that Chief Hunter Shaza is back?”
He replied. “I was unaware of this. Thank you for the update. I’ll make accommodations for my guest.”
She just zips around as she pleases with no regard for others, doesn’t she? No one ever standing up to her has certainly given Shaza a number of “personality traits”. It explains a lot really.
I peered up from my holopad and looked around the room. The first half of the meat had been de-shelled while the second half of the crab was still boiling. Al’s hard boiled egg plate was only half eaten. I made a mental note to take that home for my human.
--------------------------------
I laid on my bed staring at the ceiling waiting for Al’s return. The goober left his holopad at the cooking station as a timer so I haven’t been able to get status updates from him. I know that he was acting like everything was fine when he left, but I was still concerned he’d show up with another gored arm. He really is quite fragile. His skin is soft and weak. He has barely any physical strength in comparison to an Arxur. He needs someone like me there for him. Someone that will crush those that try to do him harm.
I lamented the fact that I didn’t follow him after the restroom. That was another failure on my part. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world if I stayed with him. He can barely handle a couple of pissy humans, yet he thought he could stand against a superior being like Shaza. I sunk into my darker thoughts.
What if I were to lose him? I’ve effectively been alone my entire life. The danger of Betterment labeling me defective for reaching out to others prevented me from ever forming anything meaningful with people. The only reason I risked it with Al was because I figured I could pass it off as a weird human thing. But now that I have him, I just don’t think I could let go. I can’t see myself going back to pretending to be an empty husk.
I almost felt sickly. My stomach felt weighted down by the intrusive thoughts of being alone again. Kyra would probably fade into the background again. Tarth would still be chatty, but I’d imagine his words would return to being meaningless noise meant to incite anger.
The sound of the common room door opening made me bound out of bed. I darted to my bedroom door and opened it to greet Al. The blond hairball happily waved as he walked over to greet me. I pulled him into my room so we could spend time together.
My human started talking with a big grin. “Hey Varce, guess what? Tomorrow morning, you’ll be receiving a flight itinerary to Wriss. Make sure to have lots of fun. I’ll hold down the fort for you here, okay? Oh! And drink lots of water.”
I couldn’t stop myself from letting a grin slip. “So Chief Hunter Shaza liked your offer?”
“Oh yeah. The Dominion is going to be in a much better position here in a couple of days. Probably not going to be great for our job security though.”
As long as I get to keep Al around, I don’t mind. “That’s good. Your probably hungry by now. Take a seat.”
I led him over to my bed and gave him his egg plate. I loaded it up with some crab from dinner as well. He really doesn’t eat enough in my opinion, so I’ll make sure he stays in tiptop condition.
Al gave me a smile when I sat next to him. “Thanks Varce. I’m gonna be honest though. I just ate a bunch so if you could help me with this, it would be greatly appreciated.”
How? Did he stop by the main facility to cook something on one of the hotplates? “I’m not going to turn down free food. What did you eat anyway?”
“Vice Admiral sent a harchen over as a gift. Shaza offered me some. I think she was trying to do some kind of purity check on me.”
I missed my favorite little predator’s first foray into something besides tilfish? Dammit. She stole that moment from me.
“Oh. So how was it?”
Al grimaced. “It sort of tasted like somebody accidentally dropped it in the dirt. Maybe some of the ‘gamey’ flavor could be cooked out.”
I plucked a couple of eggs from Al’s plate. “Next time some harchen rations show up, I’ll give you a bit to cook up back at the kitchen. Deal?”
“Sure. I don’t know if it’ll beat these eggs though.”
I can’t argue with that. The cooked crab meat is kinda meh, but these hard boiled eggs with salt? I could live off of this stuff. Cleaning the cooked tilfish egg slime out of the pots in the restroom was even a fair trade off as far as I was concerned.
Speaking of… “What was the deal with you wanting to talk to Shaza in the restroom of all places? There are plenty of empty rooms you could have used.”
“I didn’t want any unwelcome eyes observing our conversation. The only places that don’t have cameras in this cattlefarm are staterooms, officer quarters, and restrooms. Shaza doesn’t want anything we talk about to be recorded.”
That got a little chuckle out of me. “Is she seriously THAT concerned about someone seeing her with a human?”
Al gave me a confused look. “What? No. Varce, the humans captured Chief Hunter Isif and then suddenly showed up right behind our fleet. There’s a very real chance that humans have infiltrated almost all of our digital systems since Isif had access to them. All of the higher ups in the Dominion are going radio silent right now until the situation gets resolved. Don’t tell anyone this. It’s supposed to be super secret. We’ve actually been giving out tons of misinformation on our communication systems while we patch things up.”
Shit… I wasn’t aware of that.
My human continued. “Yeah. It’s a whole thing right now. According to the tech guys, they’ve pinned down most of the potential leak points. They’re going to do a mass shut down and purge sooner or later… Oh. Funny thing. They all thought for sure that you were a smurf account that was giving out human propaganda for like the first week after you released the guide. They thought they were extracting sensitive data when they asked us questions. Fucking hilarious.”
What? “They thought I was a UN internet spy? Okay, there’s some irony in there somewhere.”
We (mostly me) finished off Al’s food plate and set it aside. It was fairly late, so we decided to call it a night. Al crouched down to fish out his foam pad from under my bed. The pad was really thin all things considered and not really appropriate to sleep on long term. Well that’s one thing I could do to improve his quality of life.
I snaked my arm around Al’s abdomen and pulled him onto my bed with me. I knew for a fact that he would be more comfortable on a soft officer mattress then some crap foam sheet.
I dragged him under my bed covers. “Here. Just sleep on the bed. Making you sleep on the floor for a month was honestly a really shit move on my part.”
Al awkwardly responded. “Uh… Okay. This is a lot better.”
“No worries. You’re a few degrees warmer than me, so this is an improvement for both of us.”
I was very much intending on stealing some of his body heat. I’d say the arrangement was mutually beneficial overall. Who knows, maybe one day humans and the Arxur people could have a something beneficial like what my friend and I have.

Hello men,
I'm reaching out to you for different perspectives on how you'll would approach men hitting on your lady and then befriending you'll. Especially when you'll are in a relationship.
Especially because this will help navigate a traumatic incident between me (M25) and my partner (F29). I want to learn how to handle similar situations in the future, taking into consideration her reaction and overall approach. I plan to share your objective opinions with her, so please be honest in your responses.
Here goes...
We're in a long term relationship for 3.5 years and both love kizomba, and bachata (sensual dances). She's beautiful and very good dancer so most men are smithen by her. Now, while I trust her and know it's just a dance, I sometimes feel uneasy watching her dance intimately with strangers. I'm working on it, but I own it as ofcourse I'll get triggered when other men dance intimately with my love
So the incident:
Last month, while we were apart, she met a very friendly guy at a social event whom she initially thought was gay. She's bi and loves connecting with LGBTQ community so naturally let her guard down and shared her lovely side. She's a great listener and has ability to have great conversations. Which probably drove this guy to fall for her even more.
On a lunch date, she realized he had romantic intentions. To spare his feelings, she sent him a text saying she's physically attracted to him but she's started to develop feelings for another guy. And that she had to think a lot to communicate the same.
(Basically she lied to avoid letting him down too strong.)
She did try to tell me a little of what happened over the phone. But started with, "I met a guy" and smiled/blushed. I was uncomfortable with that lingo so I didn't dive deep and changed the topic and didn't pay much attention to the details. English isn't her first lingo and dismissed it as a bad use of words. I see now, how I should've clarified further and learned more about it then to advise better. My fault here.
Later when we met again, we argued about why she had to create an elaborate lie vs just being upfront. She said she didn't want to be that meme girl that screams, "I have a bf" everytime a friendly guy hits on her. So, although I'm very hurt, I kinda get her here. Although I want her to just be upfront from now on and say things like, " me and my bf" in conversation like how I rô.
But in that moment, things didn't add up for me. I was very emotional and I saw her texts. Ik this is bad on my end. I don't do this and will work on the trust issue.
What I saw:
I saw they met a bit. And it was friendly so all good. But what really triggered me was when I saw this section:
...
Him: Hey, I had a dream about you.
Her: Oh, tell me.
Him: Well, it started with us dancing bachata and then moving to us doing intimate things.
Her: Haha. I was listening to Sam Smith's "Unholy" (link) at that time.
Him: Oh yeah, that was the vibe!
Her: I'm honestly flattered that you're being honest....
...
After seeing this message, I flipped out. Firstly, I wouldn't say this to another women I admire especially after learning she's in a relationship. I think super sleazy and inappropriate. Not something I'd say it if l'd like to be just friends.
Especially because he remained her friend after that and invited her to other dance parties which involve drinking, sensual dancing and the parties go on till late. I'm fine with this as long as its a real friend that is respectful and not trying to manipulate my lady cause she's nice. And the last day left, he was all nice and said she was the best thing about his trip, etc..
What's more, Later on her sent her texts like, "I miss your face." To which she replied, " aww that's so sweet. You're only one hour flight away."
This is okay to say to a genuine friend but I feel like she should'nt not encouraged him so much knowing that obviously has intimate interests with her. Especially if he's to become a good friend that we both can hang out with (which I'd definitely like.
Now, although she didn't respond further or engage with him as much, it bothered me that she didn't draw the line when faced with such comments. And didn't consider how I'd feel hurt vs her. She told me she kept an open mind and was fine because he was at least being honest.
We argued about the above but we were in a limbic state which concluded with her having a me vs you mindset. She said, "I shouldn't worry as she's done nothing wrong."
Thinking now, that's the wrong conclusion. We're a team and it's us vs the problem. Not each other. So we can't agree to disagree on this situation. She needs to realize her man's discomforts should affect her. And maybe I can share perspectives and advice about men in ways she can't understand.
This guy might be genuinely trying to be a close friend. But Imo calling him out then and there would be perfect to test his true intentions. After all, he would 100% not say that when I'm around.
I would like her understand guys aren't saints. Especially single guys. They have nothing to lose and when sharing comments like that are most likely being sleazy.
I'm afraid she's trying so hard not to be that meme girl and becoming the other meme gf stringing along bffs that are clearly into her and not genuine friends. Like I have really good girl friends who I openly chat about my gf and have never crossed the line with me. I'd just like my partner to feel we're a team and not battling each other.
So men, wdyt?

Hello!
As the title says, in the near future I might begin preparing to bring a new reptile home! I have a decent amount of experience caring for snakes between a ball python, a kingsnake and a corn snake and I was considering a lizard instead of another snake :>
I find blue tongue skinks very appealing and I have beardies and leopard geckos in mind as well, but I want to explore my options to make sure I get something that fits me!
Requirements:
- Can live comfortably in a 120x45x45cm (around 4x2 for US folks) or similar / smaller enclosure
- Tolerates handling well
- Tolerates heat fairly well (so no cresties, gargoyles etc. As much as I would love one, for context, I live in a fairly hot country. Obviously I do all in my power to cool down my animals in heatwaves and have managed well for several years, but if they are prone to suffering and dying at anything over 26 C/80 F, I don't think it's fair for me to keep them)
- Is readily available captive-bred in the EU market
- I am okay with feeding bugs and other whole prey
​
I would love to hear your recommendations! Even if it's something fairly standard like a beardie, convince me! Tell me what you love about them!

Hello Ladies,
I'm reaching out to you for different perspectives on how you'll would approach men hitting on you and then befriending you'll. Especially when you'll are in a relationship.
I value your insights as women, as you may approach situations differently than us men.
Especially because this will help navigate a traumatic incident between me (M25) and my partner (F29). I want to learn how to handle similar situations in the future, taking into consideration her reaction and overall approach. I plan to share your objective opinions with her, so please be honest in your responses.
Here goes...
We're in a long term relationship for 3.5 years and both love kizomba, and bachata (sensual dances). She's beautiful and very good dancer so most men are smithen by her. Now, while I trust her and know it's just a dance, I sometimes feel uneasy watching her dance intimately with strangers. I'm working on it, but I own it as ofcourse I'll get triggered when other men dance intimately with my love
So the incident:
Last month, while we were apart, she met a very friendly guy at a social event whom she initially thought was gay. She's bi and loves connecting with LGBTQ community so naturally let her guard down and shared her lovely side. She's a great listener and has ability to have great conversations. Which probably drove this guy to fall for her even more.
On a lunch date, she realized he had romantic intentions. To spare his feelings, she sent him a text saying she's physically attracted to him but she's started to develop feelings for another guy. And that she had to think a lot to communicate the same.
(Basically she lied to avoid letting him down too strong.)
She did try to tell me a little of what happened over the phone. But started with, "I met a guy" and smiled/blushed. I was uncomfortable with that lingo so I didn't dive deep and changed the topic and didn't pay much attention to the details. English isn't her first lingo and dismissed it as a bad use of words. I see now, how I should've clarified further and learned more about it then to advise better. My fault here.
Later when we met again, we argued about why she had to create an elaborate lie vs just being upfront. She said she didn't want to be that meme girl that screams, "I have a bf" everytime a friendly guy hits on her. So, although I'm very hurt, I kinda get her here. Although I want her to just be upfront from now on and say things like, " me and my bf" in conversation like how I rô.
But in that moment, things didn't add up for me. I was very emotional and I saw her texts. Ik this is bad on my end. I don't do this and will work on the trust issue.
What I saw:
I saw they met a bit. And it was friendly so all good. But what really triggered me was when I saw this section:
...
Him: Hey, I had a dream about you.
Her: Oh, tell me.
Him: Well, it started with us dancing bachata and then moving to us doing intimate things.
Her: Haha. I was listening to Sam Smith's "Unholy" (link) at that time.
Him: Oh yeah, that was the vibe!
Her: I'm honestly flattered that you're being honest....
...
After seeing this message, I flipped out. Firstly, I wouldn't say this to another women I admire especially after learning she's in a relationship. I think super sleazy and inappropriate. Not something I'd say it if l'd like to be just friends.
Especially because he remained her friend after that and invited her to other dance parties which involve drinking, sensual dancing and the parties go on till late. I'm fine with this as long as its a real friend that is respectful and not trying to manipulate my lady cause she's nice. And the last day left, he was all nice and said she was the best thing about his trip, etc..
What's more, Later on her sent her texts like, "I miss your face." To which she replied, " aww that's so sweet. You're only one hour flight away."
This is okay to say to a genuine friend but I feel like she should'nt not encouraged him so much knowing that obviously has intimate interests with her. Especially if he's to become a good friend that we both can hang out with (which I'd definitely like.
Now, although she didn't respond further or engage with him as much, it bothered me that she didn't draw the line when faced with such comments. And didn't consider how I'd feel hurt vs her. She told me she kept an open mind and was fine because he was at least being honest.
We argued about the above but we were in a limbic state which concluded with her having a me vs you mindset. She said, "I shouldn't worry as she's done nothing wrong."
Thinking now, that's the wrong conclusion. We're a team and it's us vs the problem. Not each other. So we can't agree to disagree on this situation. She needs to realize her man's discomforts should affect her. And maybe I can share perspectives and advice about men in ways she can't understand.
This guy might be genuinely trying to be a close friend. But Imo calling him out then and there would be perfect to test his true intentions. After all, he would 100% not say that when I'm around.
I would like her understand guys aren't saints. Especially single guys. They have nothing to lose and when sharing comments like that are most likely being sleazy.
I'm afraid she's trying so hard not to be that meme girl and becoming the other meme gf stringing along bffs that are clearly into her and not genuine friends. Like I have really good girl friends who I openly chat about my gf and have never crossed the line with me. I'd just like my partner to feel we're a team and not battling each other.
So ladies, wdyt?

Hey homies, hope everything is going well with you all. I'm working on a project that I just had to sample a drum break for. I chopped an 16 bar break by 1/4 notes to play on my pads and developed most of a song around it. The problem is, I can't bring the kick forward any more since it's mixed with a snare and some hi-hat. What the hell do I do to EQ it better? I have a Melda EQ on the track, used an Ableton compressor cranked pretty high, tried swapping out for OTT. The lower freq's of the snare end up so close to the high end of the kick and I'm having trouble isolating it. If you have any ideas how to handle this or how to change my approach I would appreciate the help!

Hi! For this Pride Month I want to read some books that has representation of me. Since I live in a pretty homophobic country there is no representation of LGBTQIA+ here and I've been feeling kind of lonely I guess.
Basically what I am looking for is:
●Femme/Femme pairing. If one of the is bi it's even better.
●Spicier is better. I'd love to see use of sex toys expect for strap-ons.
●Love interest doesn't have to be cishet.
●I am fine with FFM if they all in a equal relationship. A well written threesome can be 🔥.
●I have no TWs except for consent issues between main characters. I can handle on page SA as long as it is not between MCs.

This is my headcanon for the events following Suzerain as the game played out in my (communist) playthrough:
Disclaimer 1: This obviously includes many spoilers from the game.
Disclaimer 2: This story is written with storytelling and lore at the forefront, not necessarily gameplay accuracy.
(Part 2 is on my page if you can't find it elsewhere)
Disclaimer 3: This is only the first chapter (and backstory) of this headcanon story/fanfic/whatever you want to call it. I want to write more, but would like to see what people in the Suzerain community think about the writing so far and if they’d like to see more of it. :)
Background:
Anton Rayne got elected President of Sordland in his first term by promising progress and an end to the recession. In his term, he managed to fulfill these promises and more.
He ended the recession through several economic programs including an infrastructure program that included the building of a highway in Agnland, the distribution of stimulus checks for people in need, an agricultural revitalisation program in the city of Sarna, an economic revitalisation program in the greater region of Bergia, and the establishment of the Fair Trade and Competition Commission.
Rayne had also enacted his foreign policy that prioritised self-determination and non-intervention, which resulted in improved relations with many nations and many new trade deals with Wehlen, Agnolia, and Valgsland. In slight contrast with this policy, however, Rayne entered Sordland into the Contanan Security Pact. While this move alienated Sordland from some western-alligned nations such as Lespia and Arcasia, it increased trade and cooperation with nations of the east and many of the rising powers in Rika and Xina.
Rayne had also enacted gradual reforms of the economic direction of the country by nationalising several large corporations, most notably Gasom and Bergia steel. In order to temporarily appease the oligarchs, Rayne had through his nationalisation of Bergia steel, let Marcel Koronti, one of Sordland’s most powerful oligarchs, increase his power within his circle of oligarchs. He had also, through the extra income the state had earned from nationalisation and trade deals, been able to cut taxes for all, which further appeased the oligarchs. Rayne, as a communist, saw the oligarchs as a threat, however, he saw the sollists, nationalists, and fascists as a bigger threat that required a temporary appeasement of the oligarchs in order to focus on a larger threat within the nation. Towards the end of his term, however, when the old guard had in large part been brought down, Rayne removed the independence of Sordland’s central bank, a body of financial governing that had long been an extension of the power of the Lothenburg Group.
One of Rayne’s big promises of progressive reform included an increase in the healthcare and education budgets. This was also a promise Rayne was able to deliver on, and through the skillful leadership of education minister Ciara Walda and healthcare minister Paskal Beniwoll, the government was able to efficiently use this budget to make many positive changes to the education and healthcare systems in Sordland.
The increased healthcare budget was used to improve the quality of healthcare services provided in the country, especially in rural areas, as well as a complete subsidisation of dental care and prescription medicine for all and the relocation of doctors to rural areas. The Rayne administration also enacted several taxes on consumer products harmful to the health of the people, including a tax on tobacco and alcohol products.
The large educational reform that Rayne embarked on included a large scholarship program for impoverished families, the building of several hundred schools across rural areas of the country, and the relocation of teachers to rural areas. The reform also radically changed the curriculum of Sordish schools, with desollinisation of schools and an implementation of critical pedagogy and a larger focus on science, physical education, and the teaching of subjects unburdened by sollism. Rayne later established rural education institutes across rural areas of Sordland in order to further improve the availability and quality of education in rural Sordland.
The rights of women and minorities also became a critical issue for the Rayne administration. The first lady, Monica Rayne became a large figurehead in the battle against patriarchy and alongside Ciara Walda they established the Commission on the Status of Women and passed the women’s liberation act that included policies that helped victims of domestic violence, abolished the gender pay gap, affirmed equal access to education for all, and enacted maternity leave laws and state-funded daycare. The support of this commission and its policies, along with Rayne’s personal funding of the Sordish League of Women made them a loyal political ally to Rayne and his inner circle.
President Rayne also became known for his pro-Bludish sentiment that led to a political alliance with Mansoun Leke and the declaration of the minority rights act, the establishment of the minority rights commission that would be headed by Leke, and the granting of amnesty to soll-era political prisoners, many of which were Bludish activists.
Rayne’s other progressive reforms included a vast expansion of the sordish welfare program, that came to include the establishment of the Comission of Social Progress and Uplift, the workers rights act that gave better pay and better conditions to workers across Sordland, two new social benefits programs, one for the unemployed and one for impoverished families, as well as a complete subsidy of public transport and a lowering of the retirement age.
As a communist and subscriber to the ideas of Karlos Marcias, Rayne believed that for Sordland to enter a new age of socialism and communism, the power of the existing dictatorship of the bourgeoisie had to be toppled and replaced with a dictatorship of the proletariat. He saw the judiciary and legislature as being tools of the bourgeoisie. However, the presidency, now under a communist president, was Sordland’s chance for the establishment of a dictatorship of the proletariat. Rayne believed that he had to topple the bourgeois institutions of government, and replace them with new ones that represented the proletariat. During his first term, he started doing this with a very risky play. Namely reforming the constitution to give wide-ranging powers to the presidency while he continued to build a dictatorship of the proletariat.
The constitutional reforms included the replacement of the presidential veto with a pocket veto, removing the supreme court’s power to vote on constitutional amendments, removing the ability for the president to be impeached, decreasing the electoral threshold to 8% thus allowing Rayne’s Bludish and communist allies into the legislature, removing the requirement of reviews of presidential decrees, removing the immunity of judges, and abolishing the honorary position and immunity of Tarquin Soll.
Rayne used his new powers to crush the reactionary forces of Sordland, starting with a complete reshuffling of the supreme court. As an extension of the removal of Tarquin Soll’s immunity, Soll was then put on trial in front of a new supreme court that found him guilty and sentenced him to life in prison. After Soll’s imprisonment the Rayne administration started their de-sollinisation efforts in full. Rayne also established the anti-corruption police that he used to investigate corruption within the old guard.
The ACP found evidence of several sollists collaborating with the Young Sords in order to assassinate communist politician Bernard Circas. The investigation led to the arrest of many sollist politicians, most notably minister of interior Lilias Graff and former members of the supreme court Orso Hawker and Heron Garaci. With the old guard crippled, Rayne took advantage of the situation in order to change the manifesto of the United Sordland Party to move away from sollism and towards socialism.
In order to further consolidate his power, Rayne used his presidential decree powers to purge the general staff and thus remove the military’s power in internal political affairs. In the aftermath of this purge, minister of defence Iosef Lancea was also made commander of the sordish armed forces in place of Valken Kruger. Rayne also established the Sordish Radio and Television Supreme Council that he primarily used to further rein in the propaganda spread by the old guard, liberals and oligarchs. Rayne also started funding the Red Youth, an organisation he had previously been a member of, thus winning him another political ally outside of government.
The rising threat of Rumburg was also handled during Rayne’s first term. Using his diplomatic skill as a former diplomat in the foreign ministry, Rayne de-escalated the conflict and made Rumburg appear as an aggressor on the world stage. Any uncertainty about the threat of invasion was then put to rest when Rayne entered Sordland into a military alliance with Valgsland and later joined the Contanan Security Pact.
But as elections approached instability within the Rayne cabinet appeared. First with a political scandal that led to the arrest of Illana Vance, the Rumburg spy that had posed as President Rayne’s assistant. This scandal also led to Vice President Petr Vectern resigning, retiring from politics, and going to rehab. Lucian Galade was appointed Vice President in his stead. The instability continued however, with the resignation of several ministers including minister of economy Symon Holl due to ideological differences with the President, minister of health Paskal Beniwoll due to concern for the President’s machiavellian tactics, and minister of justice Nia Morgna and minister of education Ciara Walda both due to the President’s constitutional reforms.
This flood of resignations coupled with the arrest of minister of interior Lileas Graf and the retirement of foreign minister Deivid Wisci left a vacuum of power within the administration that Rayne had a clear plan on how to fill after his reelection.
After the election, the results came in with a big change in the political environment of Sordland. The USP came in first with a slight increase in votes since the 1953 election, the NFP came in second, thus becoming the second biggest party in the country, and the PFJP suffered a loss, losing a significant amount of votes to the USP, BFP, WPB, and CPS. The Communist party of Sordland finally made the threshold and due to the popularisation of communism under the Rayne administration they were able to become a legislative power to rival the PFJP. The Workers party of Bludia were unable to make the threshold however, due to the Bludish vote being split between the WPB and the BFP.
As Rayne took to the stage for his victory speech, he reaffirmed his commitment to a turn to the left and to the east and promised further expansion of Sordland’s welfare system and political and social reforms. He declared that this was the start of the Sordish Revolution.
Chapter 1: Inauguration Day
In the aftermath of Rayne’s victory speech and after meeting with the people of Sordland at a USP rally, Anton Rayne entered the black presidential car and was met with a smile through the rear-view mirror and the eternally joyful voice of his driver, Serge, greeting him: “That was a great speech Mr. President, I am glad you got re-elected. Where to now?” Rayne smiled slightly as he always did when hearing the voice of the man who had become one of his closest friends during the last four years. “I am glad to hear that Serge, thank you for all of your support these years, I am really grateful for all your kind words.” Rayne took a slight pause before continuing “We’re off to 137 Wisci Avenue.” “Right away, sir.”
As the two sat in the car in momentary silence, Anton regretted having to leave his wife and daughter at the rally with Lucian. But Monica was strong, he thought to himself. She would be able to handle herself against Lucian if he were to try anything. After another few moments of silence, it was finally broken when Anton realised this wasn’t the same car he had been chauffeured around in earlier in the day. It was similar enough he hadn’t noticed, but it was newer and frankly more comfortable to sit in. “When did you get a new car, Serge?” “Finally noticed it, eh Mr. President?” He continued “But it isn’t my car, it’s yours, you’re the President, I am merely your driver” “The car was a gift. Sent from Chancellor Hegel in Valgsland, as a congratulatory gift for winning the elections. It seems you made quite the impact on him when you visited him in Haelm.” Anton adjusted his posture in his seat and asked Serge what he thought of the Chancellor. “Oh, I don’t follow the politics of other countries that closely sir, but if he made a deal with you he must be a smart man.” Rayne, slightly tired after the rally, simply replied “You’re too kind, Serge” and resorted to staring out the window as the ride continued through the streets of Holsord.
After a while, the two men in the car started to see a gradual decline in the quality of the houses and infrastructure on the streets as they got further from the hill of pride. Once the car rolled onto Wisci Avenue there seemed to be a slight improvement in the quality of the street, however it was still a far cry from the hill of pride. Suddenly the car stopped. “Here we are, sir. 137 Wisci Avenue.” Before Anton could say thank you, Serge was already outside of the car opening the door for his president. Anton stepped out and was then able to thank his driver for the pleasant drive and conversation.
He stepped onto the cracked pavement as Serge got back into the car. Anton instinctively put his hands in his trouser pockets, only to find a packet of cigarettes there. As he took them out of his pocket he was reminded of the time he had caught his son, Franc, smoking, and he further was reminded of the promise he made to Franc to stop smoking. Granted it had become easier to stop after the tobacco tax had been implemented, but it was still a difficult task. Anton promised himself he would call Franc when he got home to see how he was faring in medical school in United Contana. He looked back at Serge and called out his name. “Could you take this and throw it away for me?” Anton threw his last packet of cigarettes to Serge who nodded back at him in acknowledgement. “Thanks, Serge. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Anton said as he walked into the building ahead.
It was a two-story flat-building, more specifically it was the home of Ciara Walda, among other people. As the President walked into the building he was surprised by the interior, which was far more well kept than he expected. As he walked up the stairs however, there was still a quite distinct creak with every step he took. When Anton reached the top he stood directly in front of a door that said “1B Walda Residence”. Rayne knocked on the door and was soon met with a slightly dishevelled former minister of education. Ciara looked her usual self for the most part, aside from looking quite a lot less put together than usual. She was sporting an old bathrobe and slippers, as opposed to her usual political uniform of a pantsuit or dress. “Mr. President?” Ciara blurted out, trying to hide her slight surprise at the situation. “Please Ciara, you don’t work for me anymore, and I know you don’t care for formalities.” Ciara slightly adjusted herself and tried to put on her poker face she had become known for during her time in politics. “Would you care for a drink, Anton?” She didn’t wait for a reply however and simply entered her home, leaving Anton to catch the door and come inside.
“Tea would be nice” Anton replied as he walked into Ciara’s flat. He heard a call from the kitchen “Already started making it.” Anton let out a slight chuckle at Ciara’s unique demeanour as he followed her voice to find his way to the kitchen. The flat was a lot nicer than he expected. Far from luxurious, but it was nicely decorated and brightly lit with large windows, something that was somewhat surprising given that this flat belonged to Ciara Walda of all people.
As Anton found the kitchen, Ciara had already moved into the living room with two cups of tea in her hands. Anton sat down across from her and thanked her for the tea as she sat it down on the coffee table. “I suppose congratulations are in order” she said with a barely detectable sadness in her voice. “I hope congratulations will be in order for you too” Anton said, giving Ciara a slightly puzzled look on her face. Before she could ask what the President meant, he continued “Rejoin my cabinet. I know you miss it.” He paused for a brief moment, “And I need you.” he continued. “You are a talented politician, but you’ve been able to keep your ideals. I need ministers like you. I know you don’t approve of my methods but who will you support if not me? Ricter? Kibener? Leke and Stahler don’t stand much of a chance without my support, so by supporting either of them, you’d be supporting me still. Why not take that opportunity to rejoin the cabinet and make some real change again. Continue the reforms you started with me and Monica.”
Ciara looked down for a few seconds before replying “You know why I left. You know I cannot stand by and support your constitutional reforms, they aren’t democratic and-” Before she could continue, Anton cut her off “What would be democratic then?” He paused before continuing to speak “To give power to an indirectly elected assembly of capitalist leeches and fascists who want to kill half the country and oppress the other? To keep the institutions put in place by a sour old man who wants to stop the world from moving on?” That last comment about Soll made Ciara chuckle slightly. “I’ve never heard you talk about him like that.” Anton replied with a smile “Well, I couldn’t bad-mouth that old fool too much when his lackeys still had such a firm grasp on the country.”
“Listen, I know you might not support my constitutional changes, but-” Before he continued he stopped to rephrase himself “You are familiar with Marcian dialectical materialism I assume?” Ciara looked slightly offended. “Of course I am” “Who do you think you’re talking to?” She said with a slight scoff. “So then you know that class struggle is an antagonistic struggle. You know that capitalists won’t give away the means of production willingly. Oppressors must be taken down by force, not by the systems that gave them power in the first place.” Anton sighed “I know it isn’t ideal, but it isn’t supposed to be. If Karlos Marcias taught us anything, it’s that ideals don’t bring change, material conditions do. Reality does. And reality is messy. Ideals are pure, but as long as they remain that way they are just ideas, they cannot bring real change if they cannot exist within material reality. What does this idealist notion of liberal democracy mean compared to the real material change that comes with socialism?” Ciara sat back on her couch and sighed deeply, looking at Anton the entire time. “I still don’t know, it just doesn’t seem right.” They sat in silence for over a minute before Anton got up and sighed for a final time in defeat. “Thank you for your service to the people of Sordland, we’re going to miss you Ciara. Both me and Monica”. Ciara looked back down at her floor after Anton stopped talking and started walking towards the door.
“Wait” she said as he was on his way out. Anton turned back around. “You stood by me in my educational reforms, you stood by me-” she stopped for a moment “Us, you stood by us as we fought for the rights of our gender.” She looked away out her window for a brief few seconds, “I’m not sure even Leke or Stahler would’ve done that. At least to such an extent. I owe you at least another chance. Both you and Monica” she said with a slight glimmer in her eyes. ”Thank
you Ciara. Really, thank you. Because between Gus, Iosef and Lucian, I could really use an ally in my cabinet” They both smiled at each other as Anton exited the flat. As he started walking down the stairs he heard the door open again. As he looked back Ciara bid him farewell “Good luck, Anton.” “You too, Ciara.”
As Anton walked out of the building he saw Serge leaning on the side of the car. As he noticed Anton he quickly stood upright and opened the backseat door for his President, bowing slightly as he did it. “I got a call while I was waiting for you sir. Your wife and daughter have left the rally along with your cabinet and are on their way to the maroon palace for the celebration dinner.”
While Anton’s first term had been ceremonially opened with a grand ball at the maroon palace, the event had ended catastrophically with the assassination of Bernard Circas, which drew a lot of bad press to the tradition. It had already been criticised before for its over-the-top extravagance, a criticism Anton agreed with. However, the event still occurred during Rayne’s first inauguration as it was still a quite popular affair, particularly with sollists who wanted to honour the traditions of the nation, and with oligarchs who wanted to take the opportunity to cosy up to politicians. But with the assassination, and the loss of power suffered by sollists and oligarchs during the first Rayne administration, it became easier, and frankly more popular, to replace the event with a more modest one. Namely a televised dinner with the President and his cabinet, along with their families.
Due to the wave of resignations at the end of Anton’s first term however, the dinner might come across as a little too modest though. Especially with Lucian who was married to his work, and Iosef who was married to his own idealised version of Sordland. It was unclear if Ciara would attend. She definitely knew about the event, as she was one of the people campaigning for an end to the inaugural ball. She was welcome to attend as she was to rejoin the cabinet, but Anton hadn’t thought to ask her. Especially as she wasn’t fond of any sort of ‘style over substance’ meeting.
Anton was brought out of his deep thoughts as Serge cleared his throat, and he realised he’d stood there for a solid half a minute. He shook his head for a moment and saw a bin in the corner of his eye that he hadn’t noticed stood next to the building he’d walked into. Anton noticed his packet of cigarettes laying there along with another pack that looked just as newly thrown away. He smiled to himself and walked into the car, letting Serge close the door behind him and get back into his own seat in the front.
“You trying to quit as well Serge?” The president’s driver looked shocked for a moment, as Anton realised what that might’ve sounded like. “Cigarettes.” he assured Serge. “Oh! I got a tad confused there for a second Mr. President.” he nervously tapped the steering wheel as he started the car's engine. “Yes! I’ve decided to quit Mr. President. I couldn’t have done it without you though! I saw the press conference you and Mr. Beniwoll did on television before he resigned, warning of the dangers of tobacco.” Anton grinned slightly as he heard Paskal’s name, before Serge continued. “And as I noticed you were throwing away your last pack, I thought I’d do the same. Follow the example of a great leader.”

How do people handle barrels?
I typically will use force bolt or a wand of striking. If I have neither, a pickaxe works as well except needing to stand next to the barrel does involve some blowback sometimes. In addition, the contents (especially potions) can be destroyed.
Other options?
What about the 3 barrels in undertown in the deli shop? There seems to be a room behind them as well, but I'm reluctant to bust barrels in the shop.

So I’ve been married to my wonderful husband for two years. I got diagnosed a little over a year ago and it has absolutely made my life make sense, but it’s taken me a long time to get around to getting medicated. I struggle so much with ED, it makes my life miserable. I try to explain that to my husband, but he never seems to understand. I don’t want it to be an excuse, just an explanation, but when I try to let him know that I struggle and what it’s like, he’s just like “well.. try harder” and that’s so frustrating. I know I need to be better, but every day feels like a struggle just to get the basics done. I love him to death but he is so lost when it comes to mental health, and he just has no idea how to handle me in most cases. He does his best to give me space, but when arguments happen and I feel like I’ve been trying so hard and just failing, I feel like giving up. He’s mentioned how it’ll be an issue when we have kids, and he’s right. I feel really hopeless honestly, because I feel like I can’t manage a house no matter how hard I try. But its my fault because I’m so negative and tell myself I can’t….. he means well… but I’m tired

Saw this article below about insurance for musical instruments, Why would I really buy insurance for my guitar????
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Like, pay you monthly for having a musical instrument? Ain't gonna happen.

This article originally appeared on Nationwide.com

Finely crafted musical instruments can cost a significant amount of money. But just as classic cars and high-end jewelry can be insured, so can musical instruments. By getting an insurance policy, owners can cover their instruments in case they are stolen or damaged from disasters. Insuring a musical instrument is a good idea if it would be cost-prohibitive to replace it, or if the instrument is needed regularly for performances or teaching. Insurance often covers more than just the actual instrument; it might also cover the case, accessories and even sheet music. Here is a rundown of how you can get insurance for musical instruments.
it is important that you get to know the basics about insurance before we go too far

Homeowners or renter’s insurance

You might not need a separate musical instrument insurance policy to get covered. Musical instruments can be insured under homeowners or renter’s insurance, though it’s important to find out coverage details. These policies have a limit for the home’s total property damage and may have a limit per item. The per-item coverage may be lower than your musical instrument costs. In addition, the homeowners or renter’s policy only covers damaged from “named perils” such as fire and theft, but not flood. One option for enhancing the protection for musical instruments under your home property insurance is to get a rider, sometimes called an endorsement, floater or scheduled personal property. This policy add-on provides additional coverage for specific valuables. A rider may have a lower deductible than the homeowners policy. Such riders usually are “all risk” providing much broader protection than “named perils.” Also, not all homeowners insurance riders cover instruments for professional musicians, since there’s a higher chance of damage or loss. In that case, a commercial musical instrument policy is advised. When deciding between musical instrument insurance through your homeowners policy or a specialized policy, here are some considerations.

Location

If loss of or damage to your instrument occurs outside your home — say, if you’re traveling to another state or country for a performance — is the instrument covered? Musical instrument insurance policies vary on how they handle this.

Value

How much is your instrument worth? Some companies have a maximum insured amount per instrument, which may narrow down coverage options. Also, a commercial, or specialized, musical instrument policy will provide several ways to value the instrument, depending on whether you want to get paid for a claim based on the instrument’s value at the time of the loss, an agreed-upon value determined when purchasing the policy or its replacement value at the time of the loss. A homeowners policy or rider may handle this differently than a specialized policy.

Deductible

Determine what your deductible is for both your homeowners policy and a rider, and compare that to a specialized policy. You’ll also need to take into account the cost of each policy and the coverage details. If the policy’s deductible is higher than the instrument’s value, then the insurance may not be useful.

Claims staff

Some insurance companies specialize in certain types of instruments. If you have a rare or highly valued instrument, consider working with a company who knows your instrument type well. Claims adjustors will better understand your instrument if there’s a claim.

Additional coverages

Commercial insurance policies have other coverage clauses that may not be available in a homeowners policy or rider. These are aimed at professional musicians who need their instruments for work. This coverage might include business interruption (compensating the insured if his or her instrument is lost or damaged when needed for a paid performance), coverage for borrowed instruments and rental reimbursement if the insured instrument is damaged. If you have an instrument, whether it’s a rare, high-value one or a good quality student or amateur instrument, talk to your insurance agent about your options for insuring your instrument.

(Extensive rework of a very old post here. Do not ask about the post title)
Summary: Absolute little gremlins that steal children and occasionally you. At least they give feathers and can be recruited like mercs
Reavers
Reavers are neutral flying mobs that spawn in the Crimson Forest primarily, with 3 spawning per Nethergaol. They have long, slender bodies with a vaguely striped main body and a three-segmented tail ending in a stinger. They have 4 limbs and a large pair of jaws.
Reavers will usually fly around Crimson Forests, sometimes attaching to the side of Log blocks and chewing on them. After about 10 seconds, a ball of paste will form in their jaws and they will fly into their home Nethergaol to deposit it. Successfully depositing a ball of paste causes their tails to grow one stage, providing 1 more feather when sheared.
Reavers can grow feathers on their tails which can be sheared to produce 1-3 feathers depending on the stage of growth, which can be inferred from how many segments of their tail are feathered.
However, these creatures are far from benign; if a Reaver is within a 16 block radius from a baby mob, it may fly towards that mob and grab onto it with their limbs, flying up into the air with it and attempting to bring it back to their Nethergaol, which despawns it instantly. It may also more occasionally do this for grown mobs(but biting to death instead of carrying to a Nethergaol), including the player; if captured, the player can look up and attack the Reaver, causing it to let go of the player.
If aggravated, Reavers can sting with their stinger; unlike Bees, their stingers can be used multiple times without falling off, and inflict fire damage for 5 seconds instead of poison. They can also bite their enemies for 4 damage(2 hearts). Like Bees, Reavers will pursue their targets for 25 seconds before becoming neutral again.
Reavers fear Warped Fungi and anything related to them, and actively avoid these in a radius of 3 blocks. If a Reaver finds itself in a Warped Forest, it will frantically attempt to navigate to the nearest non-Warped Forest biome. If a Reaver is in a Warped Forest for 15 seconds, it turns into a Corrupted Reaver.
Reavers are fire, magma and lava resistant. They drop 1-3 orbs of Experience when killed. They can be bred with any kind of meat item(including rotten flesh), causing them to enter love mode and produce a baby Reaver; these items can also be used to speed up the growth of baby Reavers. Reavers produce 1-7 orbs of Experience when breeding.
Nethergaols
Summary: The living hives of the Reavers, they can be fed to recruit their Reavers for your own use
Nethergaols are four-legged cuboid mobs that have formed a symbiotic relationship with Reavers; the Reavers use its body as habitation, and in return attack anything that threatens their host. Nethergaols can spawn rarely in Crimson forests and never despawn; they spawn with a maximum capacity of 3 Reavers, although if enough meat is brought back by their Reavers, they can grow additional segments of their bodies upwards for a maximum of 10 housed Reavers. Nethergaols are passive and will run away if attacked, letting their Reavers handle the enemy instead.
Once fully grown, Nethergaols will spawn a small pod on their heads which can be removed by right-clicking and placed down. This pod will grow into another Nethergaol in 10 minutes. The pod respawns for every 32 food items/mobs the Nethergaol’s Reavers bring back.
Nethergaols, like Reavers, fear Warped fungi/related blocks, but will not transform. Feeding Nethergaols steak(and only steak) will allow you to recruit its Reavers for around 5 minutes, causing them to follow you and attack anything that attacks you/you attack. However, only 2 Nethergaols worth of Reavers will willingly join; any more and the Reavers will begin infighting.
Corrupted Reavers
Summary: Boo
Corrupted Reavers are hostile flying mobs that spawn in groups of 1 in the Warped Forest, or when a Reaver stays in a Warped Forest for 15 seconds. Corrupted Reavers look similar to Reavers, but have patches of black covering their body intermittently; one of their eyes has been consumed by the black and turned into an enderman-like purple eye, while their wings have been removed in favour of large protrusions of pale white crystals similar to Shulker projectiles; seemingly their main mode of flight.
Corrupted Reavers do not inhabit Gaols or chew on trees; they instead just attack the player by swooping down at them and biting. A Corrupted Reaver's bite can occasionally grant 5 seconds of Levitation, while its sting grants 10 seconds of Levitation.
Reavers fear Corrupted Reavers and attempt to fly away from them; Corrupted Reavers do not attack Reavers. Unlike Reavers, Corrupted Reavers are not fire, magma or lava resistant; they drop 1-3 orbs of Experience when killed, as well as have a 1/5 chance of dropping 1 phantom membrane(affected by Looting).

So I don’t know if anyone’s noticed. But last night as I was playing gta San Andreas and was driving in this big vehicle which looked like the Rancher XL from gta 5 (but only had 2 doors) the vehicles seemed to handle really well and actually quite like gta 4. But we all know 5’s handling is Arcade style but Jesus when gta San Andreas has better handling that gta 5 that’s really strange 😂

So I (M38) have been seeing a FWB (F33) for the past 3 months, we hit it off really good (she wanted to try a different "breed" of men for once as she realized she's been with the wrong ones before) and agreed on an exclusive FWB relationship because it's been a couple of years since we both had a relationship or a fling. Also opened up a lot about everything and could talk about literally everything. She actually only got her BPD diagnosis a couple of weeks into it (and was put on AD and anti psychotics, but was optimistic and looked forward to being better to everyone around her) and also won custody of her son shortly after, so we couldn't maybe spend as much time together as we hoped, but was still maybe once a week, even though we live a little under a mile apart. Basically it was the best i've ever been treated by a girlfriend so far and not sure if i was her FP or if she was obsessed or really that into me, but after around 3 months it all suddenly started to fade away over night. We went from 50+ texts per day, good morning and good night and texting about everything we were doing, to maybe 10 texts per day (did notice her being increasingly displeased with herself, feeling fat and useless and empty) and now basically 0 unless i push it which i really hate doing (texting something unrelated to the previous text that i didn't get a reply to anymore, to start a new topic).
Can't really pinpoint any of the general phases that BPD relationships are supposed to go through, i've been trying to understand if i did anything wrong, or maybe if i could've done anything better or more. She did want me to meet her son and parents relatively quickly and have me sleep over to be able to spend time more often, but it felt a bit too soon for me (as all this is quite new to me so wasn't sure how it would look like) which i now regret although not sure if it would've made any difference... also at one point wanted me to give her some clothing with my scent and we started having sex from date 2 on wards, so hmm. I'm currently unsure what i want or am capable of doing. I've read i should give her space and just text her from time to time showing i'm still here but not confronting or pushing her to talk about anything from the good times or us in general. But i also have a feeling she didn't get that attached to me that "fighting" for her would warrant another go somewhere along the line and she'll most likely find someone else or already did. I could also see that even though she has less free time every month, she's not willing to spend it with me. A couple of months she'd always be on the lookout for opportunities to meet up and hang out.
It sucks as i remember all the sweet things like they happened yesterday (trying not to doubt them being true, all felt genuine, but you never know) and she probably doesn't and won't if i'm just another guy that spiced up her life and it's the same as a ONS to her, only a bit longer. I kinda hoped being her first one after being diagnosed, it wouldn't go down the same pattern as she's used i guess, seeing she also managed some multi year relationships in the past that seemed to work well. We promised each other we wouldn't ghost each other, but i know if i don't text her and push her in a way, she most likely won't ever text me on her own anymore and i'm not sure which hurts more, just losing her like that or spending energy on something that is almost certainly lost and getting a reply just for the sake of it. One thing that's interesting is that she never lashed out on me, was never mean, doesn't look like she split me and it all looked too good to be true i guess and i totally forgot that this was coming eventually, although i've read up on BPD stuff a lot since day 1 as i was the first one she told when she got diagnosed.
Not the summer i wanted after a great looking spring. To be honest, it feels just like any other breakup i had so far, just that there's no closure, not sure if i was replaced with someone else / served my purpose and not really sure if it ended because of BPD or just me not being good enough. Very confusing stuff, i feel bad but still grateful for the good times i guess as the start has been the best, all i ever wanted. I'm trying very hard not to resent her or even hate her as she's never been mean to me or anything, if that's what her brain wanted to be done and it's nothing personal and would happend to anyone. Living so close by doesn't make it easy though. If there was some way to keep her in my life somehow as i'd like to see her get better as she's just starting the journey (probably actual therapy would be a good next step, not just pills), make progress and get to a happy place or as happy as possible considering everything, although it would hurt for a while.
Anyone in a similar situation (the BPD or non BPD side) have any tips and support how to handle this the best way?

Hi,
Although I'm a recent hire I'm a mid-career hire.
I made it clear during the interview process that I could handle much more than what the position was asking for and that I would be looking for career development opportunities, training, etc. pretty early on. They said that they were fine with that and that they would love to have me, that I was by far the best candidate in the process and they started me up at the penultimate step and I was overall pretty thrilled with this job.
Once I started, there was no onboarding to speak of, it's mostly been every manager throwing work at me and me waiting for more serious work to start. The only potentially challenging part of the work has been "redistributed" to someone else, a week before I stared. It's been a quarter now and we are finally getting around to doing my performance agreement.
My manager has been pretty hostile so far, nothing I can't handle but definitely not helping create a thriving and friendly work environment. (Demeaning comments about my prior experiences "looks like you chose to have fun instead of having a career" (?I was a manager at 28 in an international org?)), life choices "It's easy to progress when you have no kids...", etc.
I asked about doing some classes on the school of public service since I have a lot of downtime and I'm bored on most days, she said I could only do classes relevant to my position. I asked if I could do classes to train for different positions (lvl+1/lvl+2), she said no. I also asked if there were mentoring opportunities in our office and she said no in a rather rude way "The only way you're getting a promotion is if I get one first". I then asked if she was happy with my work and she said that my work was fine but that I shouldn't have taken this position if I wanted to move up, that I was clearly overqualified and that it's rude to take a lower level job just to move up.
A few months before, I had applied for a position two levels above and while I made the interview, I pulled out because I didn't feel like it was a good match once I finally got the job description. My manager also applied but didn't get an interview. Some colleagues said that this might be why she acts a certain way with me... I now get it that she might be feeling threatened, but we have different expertise and shouldn't be competing for most positions and even if we were, that shouldn't be an issue.
I tried looking at my options and it looks like deploying out might be easiest, as a new hire, I can't imagine complaining will look very good. I also feel bad because I know she is a bully to other employees as well. It sucks because in my experience, being a manager is about helping your staff grow and develop.
Any advice on how to handle this? Is deploying out really my best option?

So I (M38) have been seeing a FWB (F33) for the past 3 months, we hit it off really good (she wanted to try a different "breed" of men for once as she realized she's been with the wrong ones before) and agreed on an exclusive FWB relationship because it's been a couple of years since we both had a relationship or a fling. Also opened up a lot about everything and could talk about literally everything. She actually only got her BPD diagnosis a couple of weeks into it (and was put on AD and anti psychotics, but was optimistic and looked forward to being better to everyone around her) and also won custody of her son shortly after, so we couldn't maybe spend as much time together as we hoped, but was still maybe once a week, even though we live a little under a mile apart. Basically it was the best i've ever been treated by a girlfriend so far and not sure if i was her FP or if she was obsessed or really that into me, but after around 3 months it all suddenly started to fade away over night. We went from 50+ texts per day, good morning and good night and texting about everything we were doing, to maybe 10 texts per day (did notice her being increasingly displeased with herself, feeling fat and useless and empty) and now basically 0 unless i push it which i really hate doing (texting something unrelated to the previous text that i didn't get a reply to anymore, to start a new topic).
Can't really pinpoint any of the general phases that BPD relationships are supposed to go through, i've been trying to understand if i did anything wrong, or maybe if i could've done anything better. She did want me to meet her son and parents relatively quickly and have me sleep over to be able to spend time more often, but it felt a bit too soon for me (as all this is quite new to me so wasn't sure how it would look like) which i now regret although not sure if it would've made any difference... also to give her some clothing with my scent and we started having sex from date 2 on wards, so hmm. I'm currently unsure what i want or am capable of doing. I've read i should give her space and just text her from time to time showing i'm still here but not confronting or pushing her to talk about anything from the good times or us in general. But i also have a feeling she didn't get that attached to me that "fighting" for her would warrant another go somewhere along the line and she'll most likely find someone else or already did. I could also see that even though she has less free time every month, she's not willing to spend it with me. A couple of months she'd always be on the lookout for opportunities to meet up and hang out.
It sucks as i remember all the sweet things like they happened yesterday (trying not to doubt them being true, all felt genuine, but you never know) and she probably doesn't and won't if i'm just another guy that spiced up her life and it's the same as a ONS to her. I kinda hoped being her first one after being diagnosed, it wouldn't go down the same pattern as she's used i guess, seeing she also managed some multi year relationships in the past that seemed to work well. We promised each other we wouldn't ghost each other, but i know if i don't text her and push her, she won't ever text me on her own and i'm not sure which hurts more, just losing her like that or spending energy on something that is almost certainly lost and getting a reply just for the sake of it. One thing that's interesting is that she never lashed out on me, was never mean, doesn't look like she split me and it all looked too good to be true i guess and i totally forgot that this was coming eventually, although i've read up on BPD stuff a lot since day 1 as i was the first one she told when she got diagnosed.
Not the summer i wanted after a great looking spring. To be honest, it feels just like any other breakup i had so far, just that there's no closure, not sure if i was replaced with someone else / served my purpose and not really sure if it ended because of BPD or just me not being good enough. Very confusing stuff, i feel bad but still grateful for the good times i guess as the start has been the best, all i ever wanted. I'm trying very hard not to resent her or even hate her as she's never been mean to me or anything, if that's what her brain wanted to be done and it's nothing personal and would happend to anyone. Living so close by doesn't make it easy though. If there was some way to keep her in my life somehow as i'd like to see her get better as she's just starting the journey (probably actual therapy would be a good next step, not just pills), make progress and get to a happy place or as happy as possible considering everything, although it would hurt for a while.
Anyone in a similar situation (the BPD or non BPD side) have any tips and support how to handle this the best way?

Sorry for posting this sad story 😭 but I'm so hurt, I don't know what else to do. We were leaving for a week long trip and I wanted to make sure my parrotlet was well cared for. I had a friend who said she used to work at a parrot rehab facility and often cared for the birds in her home. So when she offered to watch my bird, I was grateful and trusted her.
The part that makes my stomach turn is that when we got to my friends place, I had an intuition that something wasnt right. But I ignored it, thought I was being paranoid. My bird had been scared on the drive down and I was busy trying to reassure her.
My friend had two little dogs, that she hadn't told me about. But assured me that they wouldnt have access to her. She also had two daughters,but I assumed they wouldn't be handling my bird. At least without supervision.
Two hours after dropping her off, we are just beginning our trip to the airport and I get a phone call.
Her daughter had opened the cage and my bird flew out scared. One of the dogs pounced and broke her neck.
I am at such a loss. I know y'all understand how much you can love a little bird. I know there's nothing that can be done now but damn.
Always trust your intuition. 😢