Haunted forest at panic point

TW: Suicidedeath
I’ve struggled with anxiety for years. I always have Xanax on me, lowest dose - .25. Rarely took it. 30 day script would last me over a year, would have to get a new script and toss the old ones. I take Effexor and have for about 6 years, no issues at all. I also take trazadone - been on that for like 15 years which probably is a terrible thing.
Never dealt with depressions, I’m petrified to die and anxiety has been pretty controlled for years.
And then this past weekend came along, Saturday I was more anxious then I ever have been in my entire life, called my doctor because I took my 1 pill of .25 and it didn’t even touch it. It was peak panic then I’d come down and be in a brain fog, jittery, can’t focus then peak panic again.
Doctor told me when I spoke with her I can go up to .50 2-3 times a day. And I can function finally, but I’m so scared of being addicted or having to take it to live my life.
I think my body is finally just used to the Effexor, So we are gonna up the dose of that.
But holy mother of god. I honestly thought I was going insane, honestly thought I was going to have to be committed. My mom killed her self 5 years ago, so when my anxiety gets bad I panic that I will do what she did, and it just doesn’t stop.
I am not suicidal - I am PETRIFIED of becoming suicidal.
I start counseling next week, I’m trying to take the steps to get better.
But until then - I guess I’m just looking for reassurance that I’m not alone in this .

I'm tired... Tired of what (idk).... My past haunt's me, and it's related to all relationship with girl... They came in my life and destroy my mental health then left me.... Specially 2 girls from past... One of them just played with me by prank and pulled me in love and give me a trauma and the other girl really ruined my life... 2 times trauma... I recovered myself completely in previous year but then again 1 girl try to enter in my life.... At first i avoid her as much as i can... Because i lost all believe on girls... But this girl stick with me.... Listen my story.... Still wants me.... I saw her making efforts towards me.... I even see her loyalty towards me after then i let her in my life... At starting i didn't give much love to her... I hold my feelings and didn't express my love because of past experiences but then after few months of my broke down period (this broke down period is not because of her or not even related to her) I can't able to hold my feelings and become expressive... She liked it and i saw her happy, makes me happy.... But when i hold my feelings and not expressive, she really need my attention, love, time etc and when i gave it to her.... She is showing less attention and feelings now.... It's like I'm become addicted to her showing "good feelings" and when I'm not getting it, it break me inside into many pieces... I'm lost in my thoughts, thinks a lot of her, i think I'm becoming chaser of her now... But at the same time i want to avoid her, i want her to come me... I even avoid her but can't avoid for a long period of time as I'm doing pointless scrolling over social media and my anxiety drag me to reply her... 1. I can't able to focus now in real life, overthinking everytime everywhere. 2. Its like i want attention, too much attention, or i think maybe i want love, too much love. 3. I think about her almost all the time, can't resist her even in my mind... 4. I avoid her and want that she come to me but i think she don't know how I'm feeling but a lot of time i told her about my feelings and told about my lowest point I'm now, but idk what to say... 5. Sometime i want to tell her to not talk me for 2, 3 months but I can't able to tell her because i think she's gonna hurt...
I'm drowning, everytime my phone's vibrate i think it's her...but no... It's 95% time not her.... Sometimes i feel suffocate and seeing her not texting me...I know she might be busy in her home or somewhere else but my mind don't accept it IDK why ??? Sometimes i feel like too much weakness because of alone idk... I speak to myself many things when it's turn to speak with any person even her.... Many things left unsaid... I don't know where I'm Took 1+ hour to write this all. I'll appreciate every person if you share your thoughts on it

Series Page - Read 10 weeks ahead on Patreon - Read the story so far on Royal Road
*
Chapter Eleven - The Room of Doors
​
‘Get moving!’
Sara watched the men readying their horses, squinting at the bright-ness of the stone. The courtyard was full of the sound of boot-steps and creaking leather. Overhead, a thin veil of rippled grey hung over the early winter sky, and the dawn sun tugged gleaming at its edges. Over-head, the dull black shape of an old stormtower bled the sky. Empty, just like the rest of them. There was something very jarring, Sara de-cided, about the worn jerkins and stubbled cheeks of her father’s men, ensconced in a pillared courtyard of vast stone. They were out of place, and they had been every moment since arriving in Uldoroth, she real-ised. They didn’t belong here. Her own anxiety was mirrored imper-fectly with the relief on their weary faces, and the dark rings under their eyes seemed just a little less deep. There may be Black Hand to deal with, back in the Westmere, but it was home. At least there your ene-mies had the decency to show themselves. Sara realised she was chew-ing her lip. At her back, two of the Black Guard waited wordlessly in their gold-touched armour, much more in keeping with the finery of the courtyard, and everything else in the capital. They were waiting to es-cort her away to the Queen, unaware they found a girl not so eager for the honour as she had been, just a few days before.
‘Father!’ She called out, spying him across the writhing mass of men in their moss green cloaks, but he seemed not to hear her. He was standing near the arched cloister at the far side of the square, cloaked and ready for travel, in hurried conversation with a shaded figure stand-ing beyond the marble facade. She squinted, trying to make out the oth-er man, but there was nothing but a dark shadow to trace.
‘Well then, M’lady.’ A voice said beside her, and she turned to find Halin looking down at her, a kind smile on his broad face. ‘You’ll be a right proper Princess when I next see you, methinks.’
Sara smiled at him and shook her head sheepishly. ‘Uldoroth is not my home, yet, Halin. I won’t forget.’
‘Be careful you don’t, Lady Sara.’ Halin glanced distrustfully at the Black Guard behind her. ‘Lots of fancy folk here. Fancy folk with fan-cier lies.’
‘I’ll be careful, Halin.’ She told him seriously.
He smiled again, and the sternness dissolved away from his face.
‘Take care, M’Lady.’ He told her, dipping his head politely. She re-turned the gesture, dropping into a small curtsy.
‘Look after my father, will you?’
‘Always, M’Lady.’
Halin hurried off into the throng in the square, and Sara watched him go, feeling her the knot in her belly tighten. The conversations with her unexpected visitors had left their mark, a nagging uncertainty gnawing at the excitement that had carried her through her first few uneventful days in the capital. The little comfort she had taken in the presence of her father and his men was a loss she could ill afford. She watched her father’s back, frowning softly to herself. Her thoughts were not what she had imagined, when she had thought of him leaving. A hundred dif-ferent times, and more. Had she expected tears, grief at the parting? Re-lief? Instead, there was only the fear, a dull, leaden weight in her belly, clammy-cold as marsh-water.
‘Come on, you whoresons! I want to be on the road before lunch!’ Halin roared, and the men quickened their work. Her father had not moved, still deep in conversation, just out of sight. She peered a little closer, and for a moment the pale sunlight crept over the top of the square, flashing against a colourful doublet marked with a silver brooch. The Fox’s lips barely moved as he spoke from the shadows of the cloister, and her father was scowling. Sara frowned.
‘Mount up!’
The ornate wagon that had been her home all those weeks trundled into the square, then, drawn by a pair of stout horses. Sara saw her fa-ther turn reluctantly towards it, striding out into the square. Sara peered past him into the cloister, and for a moment Lord Bywood’s sharp eyes caught hers. Then he smiled, dipping his dark, smooth head, and van-ished himself away into the shadows.
‘Father!’
Sara hurried out into the crowded square, leaving her escort behind, darting between the shifting limbs of the horses. Her father turned to-wards her as she approached, and smiled small smile, in two parts, one weary, one sad.
‘Sara.’
She threw her arms around him and pressed her head against his chest for a moment, and he put an arm around her shoulders. She knew her role, and the knowing of it made her safe for a moment. Then she stepped back, looking up at him.
‘I thought you were going to leave without saying goodbye.’
‘I… There was much preparation to do.’
Sara did not reply. His eyes had that same distance that they had had since they arrived in the capital. Uldoroth had worn at him, as if all the brightness and finery had made his skin dull, eyes darkened like the contrast of shadows in bright sun.
‘Will you write?’
He blinked as she spoke, then smiled, and the tiredness fell away from him for a moment. He took her chin gently in one hand, tilting it up to meet his eyes.
‘Yes, I will write.’ He told her, and she saw again that fierce ambi-tion in his eyes, the look she had known so well on their journey from the Westmere. Swollen around the soft, lazy ease of diminished strength. ‘And I shall expect news in return. The Rose of Westmere will show these fools how a real lady charms.’
Sara smiled and lowered her eyes self-consciously.
‘I… I will not disappoint you, father.’ She said quietly, and found, in spite of herself, that there were tears in her eyes.
‘See that you do not.’ He replied. Then he let go of her chin and climbed quickly into the carriage. He leaned out from the window for a moment, before they were gone, banging a hand against the wooden panels of the door impatiently.
‘Move out!’
‘You heard him!’ Halin bellowed in response, holding his horse in check beneath him. ‘Back to Westmere, before your wives go stray-ing!’
With that, her father’s men spurred their horses away into the white corridors of the citadel, bound for the sky-cages and the city below. They had arrived on foot, leading their steeds, but they left by horse-back, hurried by grave purpose towards the long road west. She watched the window of the carriage as it trundled away with the horses, but her father did not appear again. She stayed there, staring after them, until the party were out of sight and the great gate of the keep heaved closed behind them, slamming into the distant stone with a resounding thud.
‘M’Lady.’
She turned to find the Black Guard waiting, watching her with dark eyes through the narrow slits of their polished helms. For a moment, the suddenness of the departure threatened to overwhelm her. What was it he had told her, slurring over his unfinished dinner, in the pristine per-fection of their lodgings, surrounded by invisible eyes? Power belongs to the strong. To those who take it. Just then, standing in the courtyard, watching alone as her father departed, she realised that he was right. And he wasn’t strong enough. She took a deep breath, smiling for the Black Guard, and followed them out of the ancient courtyard into the halls beyond.
*
The broad, open avenues and garden-ways of the Keep of Eranor closed in to interior corridors rather quickly, when you knew the way, and soon Sara was following her black-gilded escort through pale pas-sageways lined with statuettes and tapestries, ceilings lost far overhead to the flickering light of amber flames. An occasional glimpse of pale sunlight leaped out across the stone floor, shimmering through shifting motes of dust. Sara was her Lady-self again, graceful and poised, glid-ing over the polished floor after her escort. The giant corridors were a maze of twists and turns, past fragment-views of gardens and libraries and sitting-halls and galleries, but she was dimly aware they were mov-ing towards the Hall of the King. The thought made her a little giddy.
‘Will I be received in the King’s Hall?’ She asked as they walked, but the Black Guards didn’t reply, and their armour clinked in the quiet. Sara frowned, following them. The passage curved, rising, and she found that the wall on her right side suddenly gave way to the hall be-low. One of the galleries, set high in the rafters of the King’s Hall. She stopped, putting her hand on the balustrade and peering out over the ledge, into the vaulted, silent emptiness of the hall. Some fifty foot be-low, the patterned black and white marble of the floor gleamed in flashes of reflected amber, quiet and empty. At the far end, pale sun-light caught the Night Throne, setting fire in the mirrored stone. Over-head, the matching nightglass ceiling gleamed like a lake in starlight, and swirling figures swept back and forth across it in the shifting light of the chamber. Sara felt a little thrill run over her neck.
‘Sara.’
Sara blinked, starting, and found Dana standing beside her.
‘Sister!’ Sara took hold of her sister’s hands and rose onto her tip-toes, pressing a kiss against her cheek. ‘Here to welcome me into the fold?’
She was struck again by the strangeness of her sister, the difference in her. Dana wore black, a dress of simple lines and inlaid jet, at once relaxed and taut as a lute string. Her pale hands were folded over her belly, and her muddy dark hair was pulled back into a bun. The Black Guards halted behind her, waiting.
‘I am to escort you to the Queen’s chambers.’ Dana said simply. With that she turned and began to walk away along the balcony, to-wards a closed door at the throne-end of the hall. Sara frowned, hurry-ing after her.
‘Do the King and Queen not share chambers?’ She asked as they walked, and the hall below drew on beside them.
‘Their Majesties prefer… to keep their own space.’
The Black Guard fell into step at a respectful distance behind them, armoured heels clicking against the stone.
‘How many others are there?’
‘How many what?’
‘Handmaidens. How many does her Majesty keep?’
Dana did not break stride. ‘Two others, and the Matron.’
‘I suppose we shall not have servants of our own.’ Sara said quietly, eyeing the shadows shifting over the nightglass ceiling. ‘No need to spy on us when we are so close.’
‘Sara-’ Dana began, but Sara cut her off.
‘Father is gone, you know. This morning.’
‘I know.’ Dana replied, looking ahead.
‘You did not come to see him.’
Dana did not turn.
‘I’m sure he will miss you terribly, sister.’
Sara bristled suddenly, grabbing her sister’s arm.
‘I did not ask for it!’
Dana looked down at the hand on her arm, frowning. ‘What?’
‘Any of it!’ Sara told her, angry now, her whisper cracking. ‘I didn’t ask to stay. I didn’t ask him to send you away. I would have given any-thing to go with you. I thought he would never let me leave.’ She low-ered her voice, flicking an eye back towards the waiting guards. ‘I did not ask for the way he… the way he…’
She took a breath, swallowing, and straightened, looking her sister in the eye.
‘There are worse things than being ignored, Dana.’
Dana’s hand folded over hers.
‘Let’s… let’s put it behind us.’ She said quietly. ‘You are here, now.’
Sara blinked at her, nodding. She wanted to say more, but her words would not come, locked away from her tongue by the choked gulping of her breath. She lowered her eyes, and Dana squeezed her hand.
‘Sara, listen to me.’ Dana murmured, leaning close. ‘You must be careful. The Queen-’
The door at the far end of the gallery swung open, creaking on its hinges. The pair fell silent, frozen, and whatever Dana might have said, she held instead.
*
‘Wait here.’
The Matron, the head of the Queen’s Keepers, was an elderly wom-an with rounding hips and hair the colour of ash tied into a tight bun behind the worn-leather creases of her forehead. She was wearing black, same as Dana, though her smock was somehow plainer, when she opened the door onto the gallery, ushering the sisters wordlessly in-to the corridor beyond. Dana had bowed her head deferentially, wither-ing under the Matron’s hard eyes, and quickly disappeared into one of the many doors of the hallway. Sara almost asked for her to stay, but instead she steeled herself, remembering her lessons, and followed the stern old woman down the long, flickering hallway. The corridors of the keep were all severe, all lit by weak, flickering torchlight and gleaming the gleam of cold stone, but here they were particularly bare. There were no busts, no tapestries, no mosaics. Nothing but cold, dead rock, lent a little life by the dim thrustings of infrequent braziers. In her own apartments, she had understood the quiet, but here, in the keep proper, there was an eery silence to the corridors that jarred with Sara’s anticipation. Where were the nobles in their gay clothes, where was the music and laughter of a King’s Hall? Sara frowned to herself, and kept walking.
The room at the end of the hallway was broad and rounded, like a kind of circle made out of many flat edges, each holding the low light of a brazier. The marble floors were black and white and patterned like a gamesboard, empty but for a broad nightwood table at its centre, matching the room itself for its odd roundness. On the far side, a wall of shutters opened out onto a large, bare balcony, and over the intricate-ly wrought stone balustrade, Sara could see the City of the Moon be-low, sweeping away towards the edge of the Heartspire, empty stormtowers stabbing black into the sky. Beyond, the great emerald plains of Valia stretched out into the west, past the fiery line of the river Arq, scored with jagged, dark rock and silver streams. Sara swallowed, realising she’d never been so high up.
‘Wait here.’
‘But-‘ She protested, frowning, but the Matron was already gone, turned on her heel and disappeared back the way she had come. Sara flinched as the door slammed shut behind her, and the silence of the room prickled at her skin. The breeze rustled over the balcony, swirling about the pillared windows, but the air inside was still as the grave. She stepped slowly over to the table, touching the polished wood. This much nightwood would have cost more than a wagonload of gold. She traced the knotted lines across the black surface, trying to ignore the cold weight churning in her gut.
Time stretched on around her, and the minutes dragged by like years. Despite the open air flooding through the windows, the chamber was not cool, warmed by the subtle glow of the braziers, and she felt a little wetness beginning to build under her arms. She looked about her-self, trying to calm her heart. There were four other doors in the room, besides the one they had entered through, all dark and heavy looking, and each bore a pattern of silver on its face. There was a cradle, and opposite it, a pendant with teeth like a wolf. Beside the cradle door, a small drinks table, a glass jug of purple wine atop it, with a pair of matching glasses. The two doors closest to the balcony bore a sun and a crescent moon. She looked a little closer, and realised that the markings were not moonsilver, merely an imitation in gleaming silver paint, and the door she had entered through bore no markings at all. Sara watched them, imagining the rooms that lay behind each. Which one was the Queen behind, she wondered, and her heart quickened at the thought, stomach churning. She was stranded, here, now, in the capital. What if the Queen didn’t like her? What if she said something wrong? Would she be sent away again, back to her father?
‘Lady Westmere.’
The crescent moon had swung open, and the Queen glided through, a beautiful shadow in a studded black dress, arms glistening with little sharpened sequins the colour of midnight. Her hair had been contorted into an elaborate maze of raven curls over her pate, and her pale skin took on a translucent sheen in the pale light from the balcony doors. The throat of her dress was open, as it had been in the King’s Hall all those days ago, and she wore the same golden necklace, its myriad points sharp like daggers with their drops of ruby blood.
Sara blinked, then remembered herself, and dropped into a low curt-sy, bowing her head.
‘Your Majesty.’ She said quietly, keeping her eyes on the floor.
The Queen did not reply. Sara was dimly aware of her shadow mov-ing across the floor, crossing to the drinks table beside the cradle door. Sara risked a glance up, then, and found the Queen’s slender back to her. When she at last turned, she had a glass goblet of wine clutched in her narrow fingers. Sara lowered her eyes again.
‘You are a pretty one, aren’t you.’ The Queen said quietly, as if to herself. Her voice was cold, like ice leaking over lakewater, deep and still. She took a sip from her cup, and Sara could feel the cut of her eyes against her skin. ‘What did the Weasel of Westmere do to sire such a pretty daughter. Your sister, maybe, I understand, but you…’
Sara forced herself not to frown.
‘Well trained, I see.’ The Queen murmured, smiling coldly. She took another sip of her wine. ‘Your mother’s touch, I assume, not your fa-ther’s.’
Sara hesitated. She glanced up at the Queen, then lowered her eyes again, nodding.
‘I hear she is unwell.’
Sara looked up again, braver this time, and found the Queen’s dark eyes watching her over the rim of her glass.
‘She has an affliction, Your Majesty. She does not eat, and rarely sleeps. The Keepers say it is a disease of her mind.’
‘The one thing none of us can escape.’ The Queen sighed, toying idly with her glass and looking out of the window over the city below. ‘Still, there are worse places to be sickly than a Lord’s hall.’
‘I suppose… I suppose that is true, Your Majesty.’
The Queen raised an eyebrow. ‘Suppose, do you?’
Sara squirmed for a moment under the weight of her eyes, but then the Queen turned away, stepping slowly around the edge of the table till she was standing beside the open windows. She took another sip of her wine, back to Sara again.
‘Your sister met you, this morning.’
Sara hesitated, thrown for a moment by the abruptness of the state-ment.
‘Yes, Your Majesty.’
‘And she came to you yesterday, in the apartments Bywood found for you.’
‘Yes.’ Sara felt the cold weight return in her belly. She thought of what the Fox had warned her. There is always someone watching. She cast her mind back to her conversations with Dana. Gods. What had they spoken of? Had she said something out of turn?
‘Curious, that she did not seek out your father.’
Sara let out her breath slowly. That was not a particularly well-hidden curiosity.
‘Dana must have been very busy, Your Majesty.’
‘She is as busy as I make her, and that is rarely too taxing.’
Sara sighed. ‘They have… sometimes not seen eye to eye.’
‘And you?’ The Queen turned as she spoke, fixing her eyes to Sara’s again. Behind her, the distant sounds of the city drifted lazily up through the air, swirling around far-off columns of wispy smoke. ‘What do you say of him?’
Sara hesitated again, stuttering. ‘He is my father, Your Majesty. I trust that he always knows what is best for his daughters.’
‘In my experience it is fathers who know the least about their own daughters.’ The Queen replied dryly, sipping again. ‘Come, let me look at you, then.’
She came back around the nightwood table, her long, narrow limbs gliding over the polished floor, and stopped in front of Sara, setting her glass down beside them. She took Sara’s chin in two spindly fingers and tilted it upwards so that she was looking her in the eye, only a few inches from her face. Sara realised again how tall she was, as tall as her father, at least, though her slender frame made her seem much smaller. She tried not to squirm, but she found that the Queen’s fingers dug un-comfortably into her chin, dark eyes flitting back and forth across her face like a hungry wolf.
‘Yes, very pretty.’ She said at last, not releasing her chin. Sara could feel her breath on her face, smelling softly of dark wine. ‘No wonder. You look like her, you know.’
‘Who-‘ but the Queen had already turned away, back to the table, picking up her wineglass in one bone-stretched hand.
‘The Matron will meet you outside. She will give you your tasks and show you to your chamber. You will begin tomorrow.’
Sara flinched, realising she had been holding her breath. She curt-sied to the Queen’s back, suddenly a little giddy.
‘Thank you, Your Majesty.’
‘You may go, girl.’
Sara turned to go, not at all sure what to make of the encounter. She paused at the door, looking back over her shoulder, but found the Queen looking out over the city silently again, wineglass in hand, black dress glistening with jet. Sara hesitated a moment longer, then hurried out into the corridor beyond the unmarked door, closing it behind her.
*
The night before her father leaves, she wakes in darkness.
She does not open her eyes, but she knows it is not yet dawn. The sounds of the garden beyond her shutters are soft and murmuring, wind-stirred and drip-spotted.
She can feel him over her, the tense stillness of him, closer than shadows. He smells of wine. Sweat. She is cold, but she does not move. She dares not move. She can feel the weight of his eyes, dulled with drink, tracing the lines of her. His breathing sounds like anger.
She does not know how long she waits there, frozen. But she does not open her eyes. Not once. Time stretches out before her in that mo-ment, an eternity of breathless terror.
Then he leaves. The smell of him lingers long after the door has closed behind him. She lays there a while longer, motionless, dead as stone. Then she curls into her own arms, and weeps silently until the dawn.

I have a category for budgeting a month ahead. I put money in it during the current month then close to the beginning of the next month I move the money from that category to ready to assign, flip over to the next month and assign all the money to the proper categories.
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I can see the transaction where I moved $4300 from the next month category to ready to assign. I can also see June shows I assigned $4250 of that $4300, yet it shows me over assigned by $2669.00 In June. July also shows the same amount over-assigned but shows nothing assigned in July which is correct.
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I did not notice this over assignment on the day I was assigning the money. Thats not to say it wasn't there, but by the time I got to the bottom of the budget I just may not have scrolled back up to the top before flipping back to May. That being said May did still show the $50.00 that I had not assigned yet in June. I did end up assigning that in May and May now shows $0.00 in ready to assign.
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I am confused on what I did wrong and how to find it at this point. Had I noticed it the day of I could have just undone all the assignments and started over. But June shows less assigned in June than what I had available to assign so yeah how do I reconcile this?

9mo female labrador retirever - I met the parents and they are lovely/happy standard labs.
My goal was to get a CGC with her, do therapy work, and ultimately train her to work as a psychiatric service dog for my fiance (dentist phobia).
We got her at 8wks and she was socialized well. She was perfect and amazing and loved all dogs, adults, children. Once she was fully vaccinated, we started training in dog friendly stores 2x a week so she could work near people. We took daily walks, and we had playdates at least 1x a week with a new friendly dog. I took her to work with me 4hrs a week so she could hear the bustle of a business and she did great.
She hit 5mo of age and life has been awful. She acts like a completely different dog now. She is so fearful that if she even hears a dog bark or a person talk she gets full hackles and completely shuts down. I can no longer take her to work as she growls at everyone (she'll love them one moment, but if they leave and re-enter the room she gets hackles and barks/growls at them and will cower in the cormer).
We have been working with her for months (desensitization and counter conditioning). We have tried numerous medications under direction of a veterinary behaviorist (all seem to make her more vocal and reactive, like they lower her inhibition to bottle a single emotion, so she just full on explodes). She currently does weekly group training classes and is great in the building, but growls and gets hackles when she sees those same dogs outside of the ring.
I'm so frustrated. She is doing great and then a split second later the world is ending. Last week she was afraid of vehicles (I had to carry her home). I can no longer walk her passed people or dogs because she is getting hackles and shuts down by the sight of them.
I am starting to hate my dog. I was so excited to get her and she did so well, and now I am having daily panic attacks over her. I don't want to rehome her, but I can't continue to do this anymore. I sped 1-2hrs a day catering to her behavior and doing desensitization and counter conditioning. I'm just waiting for the day that she bites my nephews or bites someone as we pass them on the sidewalk.

I'm looking for tips to what parts to order for my micromouse project. I want to make a small (should fit in the palm of my hand) sized robot that will drive around a maze, map the maze and then I should be able to place the robot at a point in the maze and it is gonna figure out where it is. I also want to transmit the data in real time to create a 2D image of the maze on my computer.
Parts I figure I need are:

• Arduino with a Wi-Fi module or an ESP32
• Battery (no clue how to calculate needed voltage and capacity)
• Two motors (with encoders?)
• Four wheels
• Gyro (for sensor fusion with wheel encoders?)
• Ultrasonic sensors for distance measurements
• Normal breadboard or solderable circuit board?

Smaller parts like wires and transistors I can buy locally. I'm gonna 3D print the chassis and other parts on demand.
Is there anything obvious I've missed?

Hi, I find difficulty writing a purposeful query letter. Any help is appreciated! Thank you!
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Prince Sina, a brilliant and gifted young man born into a great destiny beyond his understanding, must travel to a world of his ancestors to ensure the future of Earth and Kethrop.
In Kethrop, having an insignia is common. Each insignia correlates to a special ability. At nineteen, the most important and rarest of the four appears on Sina’s forearm.
Sina is haunted by visions of his destined return to Kethrop to protect the two worlds from the Yatut tribes. But the Earth-Kethrop portal is hidden by the caliph of Baghdad.
The caliph of Baghdad knows about his son’s insignia, knows the portal’s location, and that Sina’s mother is from Kethrop. But he doesn’t know the weight of Sina’s ability. All he cares about is to steal it for himself.
A faceless man abducts the prince, and then reveals his own insignia. He teaches him three things in exchange for passage into the Grand Palace — the portal’s location. The three things: his mother is from Kethrop, his brother’s mother was exiled to Kethrop, and the millions who will die if he doesn’t return to Kethrop.
When Sina’s mother wakes from unconsciousness, she confirms some things the man had said. Sina and his mother use their abilities, with the help of the man, to overpower the caliph and escape to Kethrop.

People say this movie is very hard to watch. That turned out to be true, with found footage-level shaky cameras all over the place and an annoying French guy shouting all the time.
The movie is told in Memento style, with scenes going backwards revealing more of the story. While in Memento it serves a plot purpose and helps you connect with the protagonist, what it achieves here is that you’re watching “high-intensity” scenes without feeling involved at all (although as we find out, the more you learn about the characters the less you care). The movie starts with two French guys yelling and fighting and it goes on for a good first half of the movie, you pick up the story along the way cause it’s pretty simple but it really feels like an effort.
I almost stopped watching but decided to endure at least until the infamous Belucci rape scene for culture’s sake. The scene was actually a relief because that annoying French guy wasn’t there and the scene was relatively coherent. But I’ll get to it soon. To sum up, the movie tells a story about a girl who got raped and her boyfriend and simpy ex getting revenge on the rapist, and failing.
Now the rape scene. I know it upset many viewers and is supposed to be really shocking, but think what’s more shocking about it doesn’t come from the fact you’re watching a 10 min rape scene (it’s not that graphic), but that it takes Monica Belucci, who is considered some untouchable beauty, and you see her getting anally raped by a guy who seriously hates her existence. Even though her rape wasn’t planned, she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, the guy is absolutely disgusted by her. It’s not one of those “she’s so hot I can’t help myself” rapes, the guy sees her as a rich bitch used to getting what she wants cause she’s hot, and he hate-rapes her, calling her a sow and similar names in the process.
This is also the first we see of her character so you can’t really care for her either. But what really comes through is how much the rapist can’t stand her. When he’s done raping her, he bashes her face in.
To me that was the most interesting part about the scene, not the fact that she got raped or how disturbing it is to watch a rape, but the amount of honest hatred and disgust the guy had for her. It’s kind of ironic, he’s the fucked up rapist and she’s Monica Belucci but he is utterly disgusted by her in the process.
Then the movie goes back and we learn more about her and the two main guys… and it doesn’t make anyone any more likeable.
I usually hate it when people criticize movies and shows for not having likeable characters - it’s very childish. But I am not talking about morality here, I am talking about how enjoyable, interesting or immersive someone is to watch, and here some very shitty people can make great characters. Also, not every movie needs likeable characters, sometimes that’s the whole point. But normally, a revenge movie would require the viewer to give at least moderate shit about the characters, feel the importance of their relationship and loss, and want them to get justice (e.g. Mandy). This one doesn’t.
The protagonist is supposed to be some French Chad, the obnoxious guy whom you watch as he does drugs, cheats on his girlfriend, takes her money and just shouts shit out like he has Tourettes all the fucking time. He also stole the girl from his super simpy friend whom he still keeps around to boost his ego, so shit friend too. Normally when someone executes revenge, the viewer should believe how much the victim meant to them but we just saw this guy cheating so the stakes aren’t that high, he isn’t convincing in his need for revenge, it’s not deep. And in general, he’s so fucking annoying.
Then there’s the simpy friend, the most pathetic character, also incredibly annoying in his own way. It’s hard to understand why he’s even involved in the whole plot but he’s just so obsessed with his ex-girlfriend. He idolizes her cause she’s pretty (kind of connects to the point the rapist made about her being over-valued cause of her looks), trying to get her boyfriend to treat her with more respect while she literally tells him that she prefers the other guy cause he doesn’t care about how she feels. He constantly self-deprecates while they laugh at him. Just a totally weird masochistic relationship dynamic.
The girl is a vapid “I love assholes” stereotype, we learn that she left her ex for his best friend because she likes how the other guy only focuses on his own pleasure while having sex, but still keeps the ex around awkwardly, occasionally throwing him a bone. She knows that her boyfriend cheats on her and flirts with others in front of her but is thrilled to find out that he knocked her up. After learning that fact, she goes on to party.
I think it’s interesting how the movie establishes that she likes to be treated like shit and is turned on by the guy who doesn’t care about her pleasure. There was even a scene when they talked about anal and it seems like she was up for it. So in that context, is the rape scene supposed to say this is what she wanted when taken to the extreme?
The viewer also realizes that the two guys ended up getting the wrong guy, the rapist got away with it. I wish it made me go oh fuck, but since the protagonist was so extremely unlikable, I didn’t really give a shit.
I think the rape scene works in a figurative sense, considering the pedestal people like the simp friend put girls like Alex on, this was intended to be some kind of sick enjoyment for the viewer? Not sure.
Overall, I don’t really get the point of the movie or what effect did the director intend for it to have on the viewer. It’s not a horrible movie but I didn’t care for how the story was told or for the characters or the dialogue. Because it was so hard to get immersed in it, most of the scenes were just boring. Not in a way where nothing happens but in a way where it’s shot like it’s a fucking earthquake and I don’t care about anyone affected. But it shocked many people so I guess it did something right which is the only reason I’d give it a 6/10

Im drawing for the sake of drawing at this point because I am stumped. When I try to make something purposely it ends up bad I just keep making it bad on purpose or I purposefully make it bad because I don’t have an Idea at the moment. I either know what Im going to draw but don’t know what to do or Know the steps but don’t know what Im going to draw. All my practice or any project tbh, is also falling to this as well and just ends up side tracked.

Just noticed the devs slipped the +10 gear boost! Amongst the other obvious money grabs, at what point do we collectively move onto something "better"?

A new era is under way in Green Bay, and there's a lot to cover about this offseason. First, let's set the stage.
Key Signings:
KR Keisean Nixon- the return dynamo who renewed my will to live after watching Amari Rodgers play football. Signed again on a 1 year deal worth up to $4m. And he figures to have a larger role on defense this season. This was one of the biggest wishes for packer fans this offseason, as it finally shows a dedication to building the ST unit.
S Rudy Ford- he had himself a nice 2022 and got re-signed for his efforts. It's a one year deal, and he will compete for the starting safety spot as of now.
CB Corey Ballentine- a reserve CB who I will always have a soft spot for due to his tragic draft night story. Ballentine has been re-signed and will compete for snaps in an unsettled secondary.
S Dallin Leavitt- a Rich Bisaccia re-signing. Leavitt was a quiet killer last season as a special teams ace, and he returns in that role this season.
OT Yosh Nijman- a developmental prospect that has blossomed into an serviceable swing tackle, I thought Nijman would get more on the open market than his RFA tender price. He will be back with the Pack in a LT2 and RT2 role for 2023.
Key Departures:
DT Dean Lowry- Lowry gave the Pack his best and we appreciate him, but his ceiling was evident and achieved. Devonte Wyatt was drafted as a high upside replacement. Lowry signed with the Bears on a 2 year deal.
WR Allen Lazard- Aaron Rodgers's latest security blanket, Lazard is rejoining Rodgers on a 4y, 44m deal with the New York Jets. A quiet, consistent performer for the Packers throughout his tenure, Lazard will continue to be a sure-handed possession receiver in New York, transforming the slot position previously occupied by Elijah Moore into more of a big slot. He will also continue to mug people in the run game.
TE Robert Tonyan- Bobby Tonyan heads south to Chicago to be TE2 behind Cole Kmet. Packer fans love Tonyan for bringing pride back to the position in GB, and I honestly feel bad for him. He likely missed on his chance for a big pay day after tearing his ACL in 2021 and having a down year coming back. Now he's pushing 30, but he still provides excellent hands for the position and a great work ethic. Godspeed, buddy.
DL Jarran Reed- the big man returns to Seattle this season on a 2 year deal. Reed was just about what we expected in Green Bay- not great, not bad. He was a placeholder in a spot that Wyatt hopefully can take over.
Free Agents yet to be signed:
WR Randall Cobb, S Adrian Amos, TE Marcedes Lewis, K Mason Crosby
All members of the old guard. Cobb recently had surgery, and is a contender to rejoin Rodgers in NY. Amos had a down year, but could still have some left in the tank. I'm guessing he has an offer from GB and is weighing his options. Lewis also could be weighing his options between retirement, the Jets, or sailing into the sunset where it all began for him in Jacksonville. Mason Crosbys wife seemed to confirm on social media recently that the Packers have little interest in re-signing their all time leading scorer. Crosby made some clutch kicks for us over the years, and if this is the end, the Silver Fox will never have to buy a beer in Titletown again.
2022 season review: Record: 8-9 Oh man. 2022 was the year it all came crashing down. Green Bay tried to keep its veteran core together for a few years, appeasing Rodgers and navigating the salary cap reasonably well. But they never achieved that brass ring. Minus Davante Adams and working with a broken thumb, Rodgers struggled the most he has since his inaugural season as a starter. It's now time to address Rodgers in this post; I could write an entire entry solely on Rodgers and this past season, but I'll leave it at this: Aaron is my favorite football player of all time. He led the Packers to their greatest stretch of sustained excellence since Vince Lombardi roamed the sidelines, often with depleted rosters around him. In my opinion, hes the most talented QB to play the game. It seems a majority of Packer fans were ready to move on from the man and soured on him this offseason. Personally, I think he will be an MVP contender in NY next year and still love him. But it was time. The Jordan Love era needs to happen, if only for the front office itself needing to justify their faith in the Love pick. Rodgers and the Packers were operating on different timelines the past few years, stuck somewhere between going all in and resetting. The front office has put all their chips in on Jordan Love.
The defense was expected to be a top 5 unit, but regressed heavily. Joe Barry was under scrutiny all year long, seemingly incapable of putting his plethora of first rounders in positions to succeed. A late season push did just enough to save his job (apparently).
Favorite win: Dallas Most frustrating loss: Detroit, week 18
Rodgers's exit also raises an interesting thought: will we see the True Matt LaFleur Offense this season? Offensive deficiencies have been blamed on Lafleur himself or Rodgers's hesitancy at transitioning from a traditional west coast offense to a Shanahan-esque, motion based attack. The answer will be uncovered this year, with Jordan Love having 3 years of experience in the scheme and a first round pedigree. As a Love truther in the pre draft season who hated the pick for the Packers, I am fascinated. This pick will make or break Gute's and Lafleur's tenure.
Aside from the quarterback situation, there are lingering questions concerning LaFleur's ability to lead the team in general. The Packers have consistently laid an egg in one game every season of his tenure and have come up short in the playoffs, with some head scratching decisions rearing their head in crunch time of big games (the end of the Bucs NFC championship the most glaring). I also have questions on his staff hirings/retentions. LaFleur hired 2 dogshit ST coordinators before making the obvious choice of Basaccia. He also chose to retain Joe Barry, noted football terrorist, as defensive coordinator. I've read rumblings that Gute has more say over the staff than the head coach, which is unconfirmed but concerning. I don't mean to dump on LaFleur in this piece, only to emphasize how big of a year this is for him. I think his scheme is sound and the guys play hard for him. With Rodgers gone, I think we see less RPOs and inside zone handoffs to AJ Dillon out of shotgun. The offense will have more identity. But if there are 2 more years without the playoffs in Green Bay, the Cheeseheads will advocate for a new coach.
2023 Draft:
Positions of need: S, TE, WR, DT
Round 1, Pick 13: Lukas Van Ness, Edge, Iowa With the world expecting Jaxon Smith-Njigba, Gute stuck true to his type and drafted athletic freak LVN out of Iowa. Van Ness profiles as a Rashan Gary clone, with a high RAS score and unrefined repertoire of pass rush moves. If he works out like Gary, this is a massive hit. In the pre draft process, the only guy who could have realistically been there for GB that I had above Van Ness was Peter Skoronski. He wasn't there, and there was no doubt in my mind Gute was going for LVN afterwards. He'll rotate with Gary and Preston Smith this year, and will kick inside on certain packages. He makes Smith expendable in the future.
Round 2, Pick 42: Luke Musgrave, TE, Oregon State Musgrave has the size and athleticism to be a game changer at tight end. His tape was short but encouraging. His biggest questions are durability and how he will develop, given his late breakout and immediate injury afterwards. My comparison to his playstyle was Travis Kelce, and if he can approach even 70% of Kelce's production in a season, this is a great pick. The biggest hole on the roster was TE, and I have a feeling Gute got the top one on his board.
Round 2, Pick 50: Jayden Reed, WR, Michigan State The process of this pick was nerve wracking. I was one of many fans pounding the table for Brian Branch, the S out of Alabama. When Gute traded down instead, I was telling friends I hoped he took Jayden Reed, and that's what happened. Reed is smaller receiver who plays bigger than his size on contested catches. He carried the Michigan State offense last year after Kenneth Walker jumped to the NFL. My comparison for him is Tyler Lockett. In Green Bay, Reed will take over the slot role, and I expect him to see around 60% of offensive snaps.
Round 3, Pick 78: Tucker Kraft, TE, South Dakota State Another tight end added to a barren room. The former Jackrabbit is similar to Musgrave in a lot of ways- big, athletic, and a willing albeit unrefined blocker. Kraft's addition along with Musgraves could push the Packers into more 22 personal this season, something LaFleur wants to run but hasnt had the personnel for, and I would not be surprised to see him outsnap Musgrave if he develops quickly. I'm really hoping this is the pick that breaks Green Bays 3rd round curse (seriously look it up its so bad).
Round 4, Pick 116: Colby Wooden, Edge, Auburn A former 4 star recruit at Auburn, Wooden collected 17 sacks as a 3 year starter in the SEC and showed inside/outside versatility. He shows an ability to rush with speed and power, but is inconsistent in his pad level and technique. He anchors well in the run game and showed great gap discipline. I don't see him getting many snaps this year, but if he does I think he takes Kingsley Engabare's role on run downs.
Round 5, Pick 149: Sean Clifford, QB, Penn State A perplexing pick until I saw this man somehow has a 9 RAS. Clifford is an experienced college starter who plays with a clear understanding of his role and a passion for the game. My issues with him were accuracy, arm strength, pocket presence, and decision making. You know, playing quarterback. I did not give Clifford a draftable grade and would have preferred Jaren Hall or Max Duggan. But this is really nit picking over a 5th round pick who was drafted to be a career backup. If the staff sees something in him, I'll give it a chance.
Round 5, Pick 159: Dontayvion Wicks, WR, Virginia A 6'1, 206 lb vertical threat, Wicks was inconsistent in his career at Virginia. If he replicated his 2021 production last year, he might have found himself as a day 2 pick. Alas, a new offense and drops led to his availability at this spot. Wicks has a good release package and the ability to stack DBs and get vertical. His tendencies as a body catcher led to drops last year, and he doesn't provide much after the catch. With his profile, he'll be a WR4/5, but could be a special teams ace very early in his career.
Round 6, Pick 179: Karl Brooks, DL, Bowling Green A bit of a tweener, Brooks is a high motor, high effort pass rusher. He flashes great technique and seems to rush with a plan. He can get washed out in the run game, and will need to commit one way or another to defensive end or defensive tackle. He graded very high from PFF, so that's something. To get on the field, he'll have to show more consistency and ability when anchoring down in the run game.
Round 6, Pick 207: Anders Carlson, K, Auburn Apparently, Mason Crosby's replacement. Anders is the brother of Las Vegas kicker Daniel Carlson, who's pretty damn good. There is a connection with Basaccia there, who's known Anders since high school. I wasn't encouraged by his stats at Auburn, but I'm not going to pretend to be an expert in scouting kickers. If Basaccia says he's that dude, then that dude he is.
Round 7, Pick 232: Carrington Valentine, CB, Kentucky Valentine is a WR convert with a long, slender frame. He is at his best in press man, where he has a variety of ways to get hands on the receiver and reroute him. Unfortunately for Vallentine, Joe Barry hates press man and will kill my family if I suggest it again. Valentine's frame can lead him to get bullied by bigger WRs at times, but he is physical at the catch point. He also brings experience as a productive kick returner, something that could be helpful in the future or even this season if the staff wants to keep Nixon fresh for defensive snaps.
Round 7, Pick 235: Lew Nichols, RB, Central Michigan A big back with some intriguing traits, Nichols enjoyed a very productive 2021 before injuries hampered his 2022. Nichols has good vision, contact balance, and power as a north-south runner. He was productive catching out of the backfield, but wasn't asked to run many routes beyond that. His biggest hurdles in the NFL are going to be elusiveness and speed. He lacks both, but should be a decent backup. For the Packers, they used their RB3 less than maybe any team in the league last year. This will be the Jones&Dillon show again in 2023.
Round 7, Pick 242: Anthony Johnson Jr, S, Iowa State Johnson Jr is a converted cornerback who plays with rare physicality for someone of that description. He did his best work in the box or in the slot at Iowa State, and that may be where the Pack will try to get him some snaps this year. He can be over aggressive in his pursuits at times and take bad angles, but that is coachable. Given the state of the safety room, the 7th round rookie may find himself starting some games this season.
Round 7, Pick 256: Grant DuBose, WR, Charlotte DuBose comes from UNC Charlotte, where there apparently is a football team, and he was 2nd team all C-USA last season. DuBose has excellent size at 6'2, and I love his agility on in-breaking routes crossing the face of safeties. He has experience both outside and in the slot, and is an interesting addition to the WR battle at the bottom of the roster, which is going to be highly competitive. It may come down to how good he can be on special teams. Coaches and teammates rave about his work ethic and love of football, and he worked at Walmart while keeping himself in shape during the Covid year. I'm optimistic he can carve out a role for himself and make the team.
Overall, Gutekunst drafted for need at times in this draft, but still stuck to picking guys that fit his type: big, athletic, and versatile. My biggest shock was not taking a safety until the 7th round, but I think it just never lined up with his board. There was an obvious effort to surround Love with talented pass catchers, which is a breath of fresh air from this team. I was surprised that they didn't take a single offensive linemen, given this is almost certainly Bakh's last year in the green and gold and question marks surrounding some of our young guys, but we drafted 3 linemen last year and the staff may have high hopes for Zach Tom to be the next left tackle. The franchise has earned the benefit of the doubt when it comes to scouting and developing OL.
All told, 2023 is the most excited I've been for a Packer season in a few years. There are so many unknown variables surrounding the team, from Jordan Loves development to LaFleur's offense to Joe Barry's pending glue eating scandal. Media pundits have them ranked somewhere between 20 & 26 in the league hierarchy heading into the year. Personally, I'm a little higher on the Pack, and they will shoot up these rankings if Jordan Love delivers. There's a lot on Love's shoulders. This is the season we've been waiting for with baited breath for 3 years, the post-Rodgers era, and now it's here, for better or worse.

Hello there! I am looking to chat with someone who has similar interests. Age and location are not a concern. Just be fun and semi-sane. I spent 20 years in the military and now at the point where I would love to find someone that I can connect with and see where things go. I enjoy sports, mainly football and baseball. I am also into Star Wars (obviously), anything Marvel, cooking, travelling and music! Absolutely LOVE music. Some of my favorite bands are The 1975, GWAR, Pantera, The Foo Fighters, Metallica, Halsey (don't judge) and pretty much anything else except country (I don't hate country, just not my thing). Bonus points if you are a fellow nerd/geek! Take care and thanks for taking the time to read this.

I've got no confidence in math whatsoever but I on getting a computer science degree at some point in my life. I'm gonna have to learn discrete mathematics...what do I need to learn beforehand? I rate myself a 3rd grader on Khan Academy. Any tips for tolerating the frustrations and failures to come as I learn?

How can I rediscover my turn ons? Or is there something else I need to figure out first?
I have been with one man consistently for 4 years and switched to polyamory a year and a half ago and have been with 2+ other men since. I love seducing men and prefer to do the pursuing rather than be pursued. Sex has always been a gratifying experience for me. I would completely lose myself in the act and it gave me the outlet to be affectionate and sexy and "dirty" at the same time.
But lately, I have been feeling a bit done with sex and masturbation. The things that would always get me going like a particular genre of porn or sex positions or physical chemistry don't work anymore.
I started feeling this way about a month ago. Back then I was feeling closely connected one other person, would spend a lot of time with him and often made out (he wanted to take things slow initially, so no sex, but we were just talking about trying rope-play), while also having some of the best sex of my life with another man who was very sweet but I didn't like him as much as a partner.
Then I suddenly lost interest in both of them. I also became severely anemic at this point and had to be given a blood transfusion. Not sure if these are related 🤷
Right now, I only feel like cuddling up to my partner of 4 years but I don't enjoy sex with him or want it from anybody else. I kind of want a platonic relationship with all my other partners.
P.S. I have never used a sex toy.

In 1977, Patricia Crone and Michael Cook published what Spencer describes as “the wildly controversial book” Hagarism: The Making of the Islamic World. This book propounded a controversial re-interpretation of the early history of Islam that “unleashed an avalanche of work on Islam’s origins”, as Fred Donner reflected in “The Historical Context” in The Cambridge Companion to the Qur’an. Like Wansbrough, Crone and Cook rejected outright the basic axiom of most previous accounts of the early formation of Islam—that it is possible to derive an historically reliable framework from Islamic sources:
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It is … well-known that these sources are not demonstrably early. There is no hard evidence for the existence of the Koran in any form before the last decade of the seventh century, and the tradition which places this rather opaque revelation in its historical context is not attested before the middle of the eighth. The historicity of the Islamic tradition is thus to some degree problematic.
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At most, “what purport to be accounts of religious events in the seventh century are utilizable only for the study of religious ideas in the eighth”, and consequently, for historical purposes, “the only way out of the dilemma is thus to step outside the Islamic tradition altogether and start again”.
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The best external point of departure for reconstructing the early history of Islam, Crone explained in Slaves on Horses: The Evolution of the Islamic Polity (1980), was a mass of documentary material that has been systematically ignored because of its non-Muslim provenance and implications:
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All the while that Islamic historians have been struggling with their inert tradition, they have had available to them the Greek, Armenian, Hebrew, Aramaic, Syriac and Coptic literatures of non-Muslim neighbors and subjects of the Arab conquerors, to a large extent edited and translated [over a century ago, but] left to collect dust in the libraries ever since.
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While this dismissive attitude towards these sources was “striking testimony to the suppression” of historical scholarship concerning the non-Islamic Middle East, this material was invaluable, “because there is agreement between the independent and contemporary witnesses of the non-Muslim world [and] they leave no doubt that Islam was, like other religions, the product of a religious evolution”, and not a sudden revelatory event of epochal significance that left, inexplicably, no contemporary historical evidence to support subsequent traditional Muslim claims about it.
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The historian Wansbrough had been a mentor of Crone and Cook, although they diverged from his account in several areas, accepting an earlier date for the final recension of the Koran, seen as a compilation of material derived from Judaic forms of Christianity and Middle Eastern pagan sources. In their view Islam, the caliphate, and the Arab conquests were the ultimate results of a rebellion against the Byzantine and Persian empires as they slid into crisis, initially involving a coalition of Arabs and Jews inspired by Jewish messianism, and known in non-Muslim contemporary sources as “Hagarenes”, because of their decision to claim descent from Abraham through his slave wife Hagar as distinct from the Jewish claim of descent from Abraham through his wife Sarah. At some point in the early eighth century the coalition dissolved and the “Hagarenes” began to evolve a specifically Arab version of monotheism as they recognised the need to establish their own religious identity. In this fashion Crone and Cook reach the same basic conclusion as Wansbrough, although they proceeded along a slightly different route in a more combative fashion.
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Another central figure amongst the revisionists must be noted. This is the pseudonymous scholar Christoph Luxenberg, who argued in The Syro-Aramaic Reading of the Koran: A Contribution to the Decoding of the Language of the Koran (German edition 2000, English translation 2007) that the emergence of Islam is best understood in terms of the evangelising activities of Syrian Christians who were active in Arabia at the time. Their teachings were, of necessity, expressed in concepts derived from their own Syro-Aramaic language, and those Arabs who responded adopted many of these terms and incorporated them as loan words into an oral tradition that eventually evolved into a central component of the Koran.
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This theory allowed Luxenberg to resolve many apparent inconsistencies and incoherencies of the Koran by considering certain obscure words, phrases and sentences as originally Aramaic loan words rather that Arabic. This procedure involved exploring ancient Aramaic for relevant or plausible homonyms for terms found in the Koran on the assumption that these had been imported into the oral tradition that later found written Arabic form in the Koran after copyists and editors had guessed at their meaning, thereby producing the difficulties that characterise the text. A famous example of this is the rendering of one term as “virgins” instead of “raisins”. According to Luxenberg, the word usually translated as “virgins” or “dark-eyed maidens” is best understood as referring to “white raisins” of “crystal clarity”, meaning that the promised delights awaiting martyrs in Paradise are more culinary that carnal—a finding that may be deflating for prospective suicide bombers.
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Another scholar drawn into the revisionist camp was Gerd R. Puin, a German authority on ancient Koranic manuscripts. Puin was the head of a restoration project commissioned by the Yemeni government to examine and catalogue a vast hoard of Koranic and non-Koranic fragments discovered in Sana’a in 1972. Amongst the material was a palimpsest which appears to contain the oldest Koranic texts in existence. Significantly, the older of the texts can be radio-carbon-dated to no later than 660 AD. This was after the canonical Koran was supposedly settled, and yet it exhibits significant textual variations that suggest a process of formation of the Koran that differs markedly from the traditional account, and is especially challenging for Muslims who believe that the Koran is the eternal word of God and arrived in this world perfect and fully formed.
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Based on this and evidence derived from the other material, Puin and his associates concluded that the proto-Islamic religious movement must have been in constant flux in its early years and that the Koran is an amalgam of texts from various sources that were apparently not fully intellectually assimilated even at the time of Muhammad, and may date from at least a century before. In particular, Puin detected a Christian substrate in the material from which may be derived an entire “anti-history” of the origins of Islam.
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In summary, what Ibn Warraq identifies in Virgins? What Virgins? as “the Wansbrough/Cook/Crone line” lies at the centre of the revisionist paradigm, supported, supplemented and developed by the work of other scholars. Instead of the traditional view that Islam appeared miraculously, as “a breach in cultural continuity unparalleled among the great civilisations”, as Marshall Hodgson asserted in The Venture of Islam (1974), the revisionists offer a more prosaic scenario. As Warraq says:
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Islam, far from being born fully fledged with a watertight creed, rites, rituals, holy places, shrines, and a holy scripture, was a late literary creation, as the early Arab warriors spilled out of the Hijaz [the Western region of Arabia containing Jeddah, Mecca and Medina] in dramatic fashion and encountered sophisticated civilizations—encounters that forced them to forge their own religious identity out of the already available materials, which were then reworked to fit into a mythical Hijazi framework.
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This included a holy scripture to supplant those of the Jews and the Christians, and a prophetic figure to supersede Jesus Christ. The profound implications of this paradigm shift have been summed up by one leading proponent of the traditional position as follows: “If the hypothesis of Wansbrough and others in his group turns out to be true, it would serve to destroy the very basis of Islamic civilization” (Massimo Campanini, The Qur’an: The Basics, 2007).
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Robert Spencer’s new book appears to signal a growing confidence amongst the revisionists. He published a biographical study, The Truth about Muhammad, in 2006, based on the earliest sources, and although he remarked then that “from a strictly historical standpoint, it is impossible to state with certainty even that a man named Muhammad actually existed”, he nevertheless felt compelled to concede that “in all likelihood he did exist”. Now he believes that “may have been an overly optimistic assessment”, as
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even the pillars used to support the traditional account begin to crumble upon close scrutiny … The available historical records contain a surprising number of puzzles and anomalies that strongly suggest that the standard Muslim story about Muhammad is more legend than fact.
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This is not surprising, as the extant material concerning the historical figure of Muhammad is scant indeed, as we have seen. And even in the Koran, Spencer reminds us, “the name Muhammad actually appears … only four times, and in three of those instances it could be used as a title—the ‘praised one’ or ‘chosen one’—rather than as a proper name”, and no information is disclosed about his life. (By contrast, Jesus is mentioned twenty-five times, eleven as the Messiah.) Elsewhere, the sources fall into two categories. First, there is the biography by Ibn Ishaq and related works composed in the ninth and tenth centuries; and, second, the canonical collections of hadith from the same era.
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As Ohlig observes in The Hidden Origins of Islam, “following the canons of historical-critical research, these reports, written approximately two hundred years after the fact, should be taken into consideration only with great reservations”; while Brown confirms in A New Introduction to Islam that “all accounts of Muhammad’s life lead back to Ibn Ishaq, an otherwise minor Medinian scholar who secured a place in history by compiling the first full biography of Muhammad”. Moreover, the work of Ibn Ishaq is itself not even extant, but is known only via the work of a ninth-century Muslim writer, Ibn Hisham, who explained that he heavily edited Ibn Ishaq’s work to remove “things which it is disgraceful to discuss [and] matters which would distress certain people” or otherwise scandalise the devout. Nevertheless, Ibn Ishaq’s version remains the dominant source of all later biographies of Muhammad, so much so that, in Brown’s view, anyone who reads a modern biography, such as Montgomery Watt’s major two-volume study, “is essentially reading Watt’s commentary on Ibn Ishaq”, and this stricture applies to similar biographies and textbooks based on them, which together shape much of what is accepted knowledge about Muhammad and the origins of Islam.
​
Nor are external contemporary sources of any assistance in establishing a reliable picture of the historical Muhammad, despite the literally awesome impact he was alleged to have had on the world at the time. As Spencer observes, “it would entirely reasonable to expect that seventh-century chroniclers … would note the remarkable influence and achievement of this man”, but no, “there is nothing dating from the time of Muhammad’s activities or for a considerable time thereafter that actually tells us anything about what he was like or what he did”. Moreover, what records do exist produce more questions than answers. For example, there exists a Christian account from around 635 of the conquest of Jerusalem by “the godless Saracens … who give themselves up to prostitution, massacre and lead into captivity the sons of men”, but it makes “no mention, even in the heat of the fiercest polemic, of the conquerors’ god, their prophet, or their holy book”. A similar account, the Doctrina Jacobi, written around 635 to 640, speaks of an unnamed Saracen prophet emerging in the region, but this was in 635, after Muhammad’s supposed death, and this prophet (if he existed) was proclaiming not a new religion but “the advent of the anointed one, the Christ who was to come”: a Jewish or Christian Messiah.
​
Notably, nowhere amongst such accounts is there mention of “Muhammad”, “Islam”, the “Koran”, or “Muslims”, with reference only to “Saracens”, or “Hagarenes”, and so on, and no indication that a major new religion has emerged, led by a new prophet and supreme political and military leader. Even more significantly, the Arab conquerors themselves didn’t mention these terms, with the few references to “Muhammad” as likely to be an honorific as a proper name, and in several instances these are accompanied by the symbol of the cross, suggesting a Christian association. It was only at the very end of the seventh century, sixty years after the traditional date of Muhammad’s death, that any mention of him begins to appear, and it was another sixty years before Ibn Ishaq’s biography was apparently published.
​
Ultimately, it is only through the wilful suppression and avoidance of historical evidence and the implications that flow from it that the traditional accounts can be maintained, and it is difficult to dissent from what Spencer calls “A Revisionist Scenario” that offers a synthesis of what is known (and not known) about the appearance of the Koran, Muhammad, and the origins of Islam. In his own attempt to provide an evidence-based account, Spencer begins with the “immutable fact” of the Arab empire that emerged at the time and quickly found itself requiring the ideological legitimation that could only be provided by a political theology similar to that exercised over their subject people by the Roman, Byzantine and Persian states. The Arab rulers appear initially to have been adherents of Hagarism, and rejected the mainstream Christian doctrines of the Trinity and the divinity of Christ, with the latter seen instead as a messenger of God. Around the beginning of the eighth century this allegiance began to fade in favour of an embryonic version of Islam that nevertheless retained many elements of the original religion.
​
This new faith emphasised an extremely rigorous form of monotheism, within which “the ‘praised one’, Muhammad, an Arabian prophet who may have lived decades before”, took centre stage. This prophetic figure had to be not only an Arab, a warrior, and a political leader, but also an inhabitant of central Arabia, to avert any suggestion that the new divine dispensation was anything other than purely Arabian in origins and nature. Similar considerations surrounded the advent of the Koran, which was fashioned from various sources, including the inscription from the Dome of the Rock, and other material that originally had a Judeo-Christian provenance, resulting in the “numerous non-Arabic elements and outright incoherencies” that came to characterise it. In summary, the imperatives of “empire came first and the theology came later … the spiritual propositions that Islam offers were elaborated in order to justify and perpetuate the political entity that generated them”.
​
So, did Muhammad exist? In Spencer’s view, “as a prophet of the Arabs who taught a vaguely defined monotheism, he may have existed. But beyond that, his life story is lost in the mists of legend.” Ultimately, “as the prophet of Islam, who received (or even claimed to receive) the perfect copy of the perfect eternal book from the supreme God, Muhammad almost certainly did not exist”.

Cobb Crash Logger Version 3.0.0, build 0.
If this file is empty, then your game didn't crash! Probably!
​
Exception C0000005 caught!
​
Calltrace:
0x0044DDC0 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019F338)
0x004BCB01 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019F360)
0x004C93A9 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019F3B8)
0x005755F3 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019F3D4)
0x00776CD4 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019F92C)
0x0070C374 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019FAC0)
0x007034BB ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019FAC8)
0x0086F7ED ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019FAE4)
0x0086EE67 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019FB3C)
0x0086B3E8 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019FEC0)
0x665B2204 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in nvse_steam_loader (0x0019FEE0)
0x00ECC470 ==> EntryPoint+0xFFFFFFFF in FalloutNV (0x0019FF70)
0x767100C9 ==> BaseThreadInitThunk+0x19 in KERNEL32 (0x0019FF80)
0x773F7B4E ==> RtlGetAppContainerNamedObjectPath+0x11E in ntdll (0x0019FFDC)
0x773F7B1E ==> RtlGetAppContainerNamedObjectPath+0xEE in ntdll (0x0019FFEC)
​
Instruction pointer (EIP): 0044DDC0
​
REG VALUE
eax FF7FFFFF
ebx 00000001
ecx FF7FFFFF
edx 00000005
edi 0019FA88
esi 32587A10
ebp 0019F338
0x0040FE5F 0x154E5460 0x00000005 0xFF7FFFFF
0x0019F360 0x004BCB01 0x0019F35C 0x0D430A04
0x00000018 0x0D430A4C 0x154E5460 0x3A0E0001
0x00000001 0x00000000 0x0019F3B8 0x004C93A9
0x004102C5 0x00000018 0x00000034 0x128E1714
0x0019F38C 0x00418533 0x3A0E4830 0x0D430A04
0x0133B0A0 0x0D5E10F4 0x00000001 0x0D28242C
0x1C218450 0x00000001 0x00000000 0x00000000
0x00000004 0x0119F920 0x0B768EA8 0x00000001
0x0019F3D4 0x005755F3 0x00000000 0x3E4D6400
0x128E1714 0x00000000 0x41204BE4 0x0019F92C
0x00776CD4 0x00000000 0x00000000 0x2A831EED
0xB2186A00 0x00000000 0x361A8600 0x361A8600
​
LISTING MODULE BASES ...
- 0x00400000 - 0x014089E4: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\FalloutNV.exe
- 0x77390000 - 0x77534000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\ntdll.dll
- 0x766F0000 - 0x767E0000: C:\Windows\System32\KERNEL32.DLL
- 0x75510000 - 0x7574A000: C:\Windows\System32\KERNELBASE.dll
- 0x64C20000 - 0x64CC0000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\apphelp.dll
- 0x76550000 - 0x766EC000: C:\Windows\System32\USER32.dll
- 0x75CB0000 - 0x75CC8000: C:\Windows\System32\win32u.dll
- 0x708A0000 - 0x7092D000: C:\Windows\WinSxS\x86_microsoft.windows.common-controls_6595b64144ccf1df_5.82.19041.1110_none_c0da534e38c01f4d\COMCTL32.dll
- 0x75A60000 - 0x75A84000: C:\Windows\System32\GDI32.dll
- 0x76A70000 - 0x76AEC000: C:\Windows\System32\ADVAPI32.dll
- 0x5B920000 - 0x5BAAF000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\d3d9.dll
- 0x76800000 - 0x768E5000: C:\Windows\System32\gdi32full.dll
- 0x76900000 - 0x769BF000: C:\Windows\System32\msvcrt.dll
- 0x76AF0000 - 0x76B6B000: C:\Windows\System32\msvcp_win.dll
- 0x76330000 - 0x763A6000: C:\Windows\System32\sechost.dll
- 0x76B70000 - 0x76C90000: C:\Windows\System32\ucrtbase.dll
- 0x763B0000 - 0x7646F000: C:\Windows\System32\RPCRT4.dll
- 0x76C90000 - 0x76F10000: C:\Windows\System32\combase.dll
- 0x75CE0000 - 0x76296000: C:\Windows\System32\SHELL32.dll
- 0x72550000 - 0x7255F000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\kernel.appcore.dll
- 0x75800000 - 0x758E3000: C:\Windows\System32\ole32.dll
- 0x711E0000 - 0x717ED000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\windows.storage.dll
- 0x64110000 - 0x64136000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\dwmapi.dll
- 0x66840000 - 0x668B1000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\GalaxyWrp.dll
- 0x66970000 - 0x6697E000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\d3dx9_38.dll
- 0x73420000 - 0x73428000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\WSOCK32.dll
- 0x762C0000 - 0x76323000: C:\Windows\System32\WS2_32.dll
- 0x662B0000 - 0x662E7000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\DINPUT8.dll
- 0x5F1C0000 - 0x5F23F000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\DSOUND.dll
- 0x18000000 - 0x18068000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\binkw32.dll
- 0x72560000 - 0x72588000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\WINMM.dll
- 0x66820000 - 0x66840000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\libvorbisfile.dll
- 0x70DF0000 - 0x70E15000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\Wldp.dll
- 0x7ACE0000 - 0x7B121000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Galaxy.dll
- 0x666C0000 - 0x66745000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\MSVCP110.dll
- 0x665E0000 - 0x666B6000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\MSVCR110.dll
- 0x729A0000 - 0x729B5000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\VCRUNTIME140.dll
- 0x723D0000 - 0x72414000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\powrprof.dll
- 0x64180000 - 0x6419D000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\winmmbase.dll
- 0x762A0000 - 0x762B9000: C:\Windows\System32\bcrypt.dll
- 0x66490000 - 0x66555000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\libvorbis.dll
- 0x70840000 - 0x70892000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\MSWSOCK.dll
- 0x751F0000 - 0x75223000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\IPHLPAPI.DLL
- 0x05A40000 - 0x05A56000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\XINPUT1_3.dll
- 0x76F40000 - 0x77374000: C:\Windows\System32\SETUPAPI.dll
- 0x75AF0000 - 0x75B2B000: C:\Windows\System32\cfgmgr32.dll
- 0x7A6B0000 - 0x7AA78000: C:\Windows\System32\d3dx9_38.DLL
- 0x76F10000 - 0x76F35000: C:\Windows\System32\IMM32.DLL
- 0x649A0000 - 0x649B1000: C:\Windows\system32\napinsp.dll
- 0x647F0000 - 0x64806000: C:\Windows\system32\pnrpnsp.dll
- 0x64770000 - 0x64780000: C:\Windows\system32\wshbth.dll
- 0x6E3F0000 - 0x6E406000: C:\Windows\system32\NLAapi.dll
- 0x6E350000 - 0x6E3E1000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\DNSAPI.dll
- 0x75CD0000 - 0x75CD7000: C:\Windows\System32\NSI.dll
- 0x64760000 - 0x6476E000: C:\Windows\System32\winrnr.dll
- 0x66800000 - 0x66814000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVHR\nvhr_avx2.dll
- 0x71840000 - 0x7184D000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\UMPDC.dll
- 0x66330000 - 0x66483000: C:\Modding\MO2\usvfs_x86.dll
- 0x75C50000 - 0x75C95000: C:\Windows\System32\SHLWAPI.dll
- 0x75310000 - 0x753A6000: C:\Windows\System32\OLEAUT32.dll
- 0x649C0000 - 0x64AAD000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\inputhost.dll
- 0x75BC0000 - 0x75C47000: C:\Windows\System32\shcore.dll
- 0x6A9B0000 - 0x6AA4B000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\CoreMessaging.dll
- 0x70770000 - 0x70832000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\PROPSYS.dll
- 0x6AF20000 - 0x6AFFB000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\wintypes.dll
- 0x6AA50000 - 0x6ACCE000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\CoreUIComponents.dll
- 0x75A90000 - 0x75AEF000: C:\Windows\System32\bcryptPrimitives.dll
- 0x6AEF0000 - 0x6AF19000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\ntmarta.dll
- 0x717F0000 - 0x71808000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\profapi.dll
- 0x665B0000 - 0x665DD000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\nvse_steam_loader.dll
- 0x724F0000 - 0x724F8000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\VERSION.dll
- 0x40350000 - 0x4049B000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\nvse_1_4.dll
- 0x18B90000 - 0x18BA7000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\ActorCauseSaveBloatFix.dll
- 0x404B0000 - 0x404D6000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\Alpha Fixes.dll
- 0x404F0000 - 0x4051F000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\AnhNVSE.dll
- 0x40530000 - 0x40564000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\BetterCaravan.dll
- 0x66590000 - 0x665AA000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\ClimateControl.dll
- 0x5B870000 - 0x5B8DD000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\MSVCP140.dll
- 0x66570000 - 0x66590000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\CloudUpgrade.dll
- 0x667F0000 - 0x667FB000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\CobbCrashLogger.dll
- 0x72A50000 - 0x72BD8000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\dbghelp.dll
- 0x405B0000 - 0x405C7000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\DoF-Fix.dll
- 0x405E0000 - 0x40604000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\DynamicPipBoyLight.dll
- 0x40620000 - 0x40644000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\ExternalEmittanceFix.dll
- 0x40660000 - 0x4067B000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\FogCulling.dll
- 0x40690000 - 0x406A6000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\HDPipboy.dll
- 0x406C0000 - 0x406D9000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\HighResBloom.dll
- 0x406F0000 - 0x40706000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\HighResLocalMaps.dll
- 0x40720000 - 0x40746000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\ImprovedLightingShaders.dll
- 0x40760000 - 0x407E1000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\jip_nvse.dll
- 0x40800000 - 0x40852000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\johnnyguitar.dll
- 0x75CA0000 - 0x75CA6000: C:\Windows\System32\PSAPI.DLL
- 0x40870000 - 0x408E9000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\kNVSE.dll
- 0x40900000 - 0x40932000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\MCM.dll
- 0x40950000 - 0x40956000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\mlf.dll
- 0x40970000 - 0x40996000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\MoonlightNVSE.dll
- 0x409D0000 - 0x409E7000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\MuzzleFlashFix.dll
- 0x409F0000 - 0x40A10000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\nvse_console_clipboard.dll
- 0x40AC0000 - 0x40B9F000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\nvse_stewie_tweaks.dll
- 0x72BE0000 - 0x72D47000: C:\Windows\WinSxS\x86_microsoft.windows.gdiplus_6595b64144ccf1df_1.1.19041.2251_none_d9513b1fe1046fc7\gdiplus.dll
- 0x40A30000 - 0x40A5F000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\NVTF.dll
- 0x7B130000 - 0x7B32F000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\d3dx9_43.dll
- 0x40A70000 - 0x40A88000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\PipBoyShadingFix.dll
- 0x40CA0000 - 0x40DD6000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\ShowOffNVSE.dll
- 0x5A000000 - 0x5A131000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\supNVSE.dll
- 0x72F40000 - 0x73396000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\WININET.dll
- 0x40FF0000 - 0x40FFB000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\ui_organizer.dll
- 0x5A1E0000 - 0x5A1E6000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\weapon_lag_fix.dll
- 0x5A200000 - 0x5A268000: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\Data\NVSE\Plugins\yUI.dll
- 0x72810000 - 0x72884000: C:\Windows\system32\uxtheme.dll
- 0x71180000 - 0x711A1000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\SspiCli.dll
- 0x5A370000 - 0x5A3C9000: C:\Windows\System32\fwpuclnt.dll
- 0x662F0000 - 0x662F8000: C:\Windows\System32\rasadhlp.dll
- 0x71850000 - 0x7185E000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\msasn1.dll
- 0x64780000 - 0x647A6000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\cryptnet.dll
- 0x753B0000 - 0x754B0000: C:\Windows\System32\CRYPT32.dll
- 0x711D0000 - 0x711DA000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\cryptbase.dll
- 0x769C0000 - 0x76A0C000: C:\Windows\System32\WINTRUST.DLL
- 0x767E0000 - 0x767F9000: C:\Windows\System32\imagehlp.dll
- 0x6E4F0000 - 0x6E503000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\CRYPTSP.dll
- 0x6E4C0000 - 0x6E4EF000: C:\Windows\system32\rsaenh.dll
- 0x5BAB0000 - 0x5EF49000: C:\Program Files (x86)\RivaTuner Statistics Server\RTSSHooks.dll
- 0x75230000 - 0x75304000: C:\Windows\System32\MSCTF.dll
- 0x6ACD0000 - 0x6AD8A000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\textinputframework.dll
- 0x723C0000 - 0x723CA000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\HID.DLL
- 0x6E700000 - 0x6E724000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\DEVOBJ.dll
- 0x76470000 - 0x764EE000: C:\Windows\System32\clbcatq.dll
- 0x5F150000 - 0x5F1BB000: C:\Windows\System32\MMDevApi.dll
- 0x5F790000 - 0x5F8C6000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\AUDIOSES.DLL
- 0x5ACA0000 - 0x5ACAF000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\resourcepolicyclient.dll
- 0x5FD10000 - 0x5FDA6000: C:\Windows\System32\DriverStore\FileRepository\nvmdig.inf_amd64_3412f856dd9f8e1c\nvldumd.dll
- 0x63310000 - 0x63410000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\drvstore.dll
- 0x5FDB0000 - 0x62933000: C:\Windows\System32\DriverStore\FileRepository\nvmdig.inf_amd64_3412f856dd9f8e1c\nvd3dum.dll
- 0x6E330000 - 0x6E34E000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\gpapi.dll
- 0x6D4C0000 - 0x6D4EC000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\dxcore.dll
- 0x6E640000 - 0x6E6D4000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\TextShaping.dll
- 0x66100000 - 0x66264000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\dcomp.dll
- 0x637D0000 - 0x63E6E000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\nvapi.dll
- 0x6D290000 - 0x6D42A000: C:\Windows\System32\quartz.dll
- 0x5A1A0000 - 0x5A1B8000: C:\Windows\System32\devenum.dll
- 0x6DB90000 - 0x6DD73000: C:\Program Files (x86)\K-Lite Codec Pack\Filters\DirectVobSub\vsfilter.dll
- 0x64920000 - 0x64993000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\WINSPOOL.DRV
- 0x64BB0000 - 0x64BF2000: C:\Program Files (x86)\K-Lite Codec Pack\MPC-HC\LAVFilters\LAVAudio.ax
- 0x725D0000 - 0x727E0000: C:\Windows\WinSxS\x86_microsoft.windows.common-controls_6595b64144ccf1df_6.0.19041.1110_none_a8625c1886757984\COMCTL32.dll
- 0x6DD80000 - 0x6E26F000: C:\Program Files (x86)\K-Lite Codec Pack\MPC-HC\LAVFilters\avformat-lav-59.dll
- 0x70930000 - 0x70B19000: C:\Program Files (x86)\K-Lite Codec Pack\MPC-HC\LAVFilters\avutil-lav-57.dll
- 0x794E0000 - 0x7A675000: C:\Program Files (x86)\K-Lite Codec Pack\MPC-HC\LAVFilters\avcodec-lav-59.dll
- 0x66300000 - 0x66327000: C:\Program Files (x86)\K-Lite Codec Pack\MPC-HC\LAVFilters\swresample-lav-4.dll
- 0x71810000 - 0x71832000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\ncrypt.dll
- 0x647B0000 - 0x647D8000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\NTASN1.dll
- 0x71860000 - 0x71C5A000: C:\Program Files (x86)\K-Lite Codec Pack\Filters\ffdshow\ffdshow.ax
- 0x75750000 - 0x757FF000: C:\Windows\System32\COMDLG32.dll
- 0x66270000 - 0x66296000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\DINPUT.dll
- 0x64C00000 - 0x64C09000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\msdmo.dll
- 0x66790000 - 0x667B2000: C:\Windows\System32\qasf.dll
- 0x70E20000 - 0x7102D000: C:\Windows\System32\WMVCore.DLL
- 0x668C0000 - 0x668FD000: C:\Windows\System32\WMASF.DLL
- 0x70CC0000 - 0x70DC6000: C:\Windows\System32\mfperfhelper.dll
- 0x667C0000 - 0x667D7000: C:\Windows\System32\mp3dmod.dll
- 0x71C60000 - 0x71DD9000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\mfplat.DLL
- 0x66900000 - 0x66929000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\RTWorkQ.DLL
- 0x66930000 - 0x66949000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\MSACM32.DLL
- 0x6AE90000 - 0x6AEC3000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\l3codecp.acm
- 0x71030000 - 0x71104000: C:\Windows\System32\msmpeg2adec.dll
- 0x66560000 - 0x66568000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\avrt.dll
- 0x6D430000 - 0x6D491000: C:\Program Files (x86)\ReClock\ReClockDS.dll
- 0x71DE0000 - 0x71EC9000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\DDRAW.dll
- 0x72420000 - 0x724E2000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\dxgi.dll
- 0x66950000 - 0x66957000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\DCIMAN32.dll
- 0x6E270000 - 0x6E2A3000: C:\Program Files (x86)\ReClock\AC3Lib.dll
- 0x6A980000 - 0x6A994000: C:\Program Files (x86)\ReClock\Compressor.dll
- 0x6AED0000 - 0x6AEEB000: C:\Program Files (x86)\ReClock\Resampler.dll
- 0x6E2B0000 - 0x6E2D2000: C:\Program Files (x86)\ReClock\Timestretch.dll
- 0x6E410000 - 0x6E44A000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\wdmaud.drv
- 0x6E2E0000 - 0x6E2E7000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\ksuser.dll
- 0x6E310000 - 0x6E31A000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\msacm32.drv
- 0x6E320000 - 0x6E328000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\midimap.dll
- 0x72D50000 - 0x72E43000: C:\Windows\System32\Windows.UI.dll
- 0x71ED0000 - 0x71F43000: C:\Windows\System32\WindowManagementAPI.dll
- 0x74400000 - 0x7458F000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\twinapi.appcore.dll
- 0x6D900000 - 0x6D993000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\mscms.dll
- 0x6D9A0000 - 0x6D9C5000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\USERENV.dll
- 0x6D9D0000 - 0x6D9DC000: C:\Windows\SYSTEM32\ColorAdapterClient.dll
- 0x6D9E0000 - 0x6DA11000: C:\Windows\System32\Windows.Internal.Graphics.Display.DisplayColorManagement.dll
​
GAME CRASHED AT INSTRUCTION Base+0x0004DDC0 IN MODULE: C:\GAMES\Fallout - New Vegas\FalloutNV.exe
Please note that this does not automatically mean that that module is responsible.
It may have been supplied bad data or program state as the result of an issue in
the base game or a different DLL.

So long story short I wear my wedding ring while I’m on the register (not during stocking or anything like that) and 3 times this month I have had people grab my hand and look at my ring. I know they’re just being nice and complimenting the ring but I’m a very anxious person and I tend to have sweaty hands unfortunately and it’s very embarrassing to the point where I apologize when I shake someone’s hand. I don’t even make physical contact with my best friend. I don’t understand how some people just touch people like that without permission. Anyone else have this problem?

How am I supposed to say this? I think you have a crush on me but I don't feel the same way. I noticed everything from the little touches you give me, the way your feet point, to the way your face flushes. But there are also bigger things like how you went to live in Seattle for a few months and your mom asked if I missed you (I didn't really even think about it) but also that I got a friend request.
This is the odd part, you were going to Seattle to live with your cousin for a few months. And only she knows who I am, not her husband. So why in the world would her HUSBAND who doesn't know who I am REQUEST ME ON INSTAGRAM? God I already know why, when you came back and mine and your family were hanging out, your mother is pretty much open about anything.
She told my mom that you supposedly "wouldn't shut up abt me" and that after so many times they had to ask who I was.
It doesn't make sense to me. We barely got to know each other last year after we graduated. (You ignored me all thru HS!) Why have a crush on ME of all people? Idk how to feel about you.
My coworker asked me if I was dating someone and I immediately said no, but mentioned I think someone liked me. I told her the story and she just looked at me and said "sounds like a crush"
I could only sigh in annoyance. This is the last thing I need.
You don't want me dude. I know this and it's for your own good.
If you really got to know me, you'd run away in digust. Looking at my body should already make you disgusted.
My coworker told me I'm insecure.
No shit.

This is a long one but please, I need help.
I have many specific symptoms that I experience daily, all day. Do these symptoms sound like they could be coming from a specific type of medical problem?
Symptoms:

• Constant fatigue, even with a full night's rest
  
• Mild pain in bones and joints when moving them, such as my shoulder or my neck
  
• Dysautonomia or POTS symptoms (heart rate increases to a high amount when standing and drops back to normal when sitting or laying down, and it also increases very high during exercise. i'm also intolerant to exercise and get winded much more quickly than anyone i know)
  
• Moderate pain in knees and feet when running, walking up or down stairs, and even a bit when walking, which makes doing these things very uncomfortable
  
• Brain fog, forgetfulness, distraction (I thought this was ADHD, but I realised it could be brain fog caused by a health issue)
  
• Constant twitching/vibrating in calves and bottom of feet
  
• Relatively constant twitching in random places over entire body, usually triggered by movement
  
• Severe flat feet
  
• Instability when standing up still, swaying a bit in random directions (flat feet?)
  
• "Duck" feet, meaning they point outwards to the left and right despite my knees being forward
  
• Mild tinnitus
  
• Mild blurry vision (is fixed with glasses)
  
• Sometimes when staring at things, if I look closely they seem as if they are moving, kind of like water rippling in an ocean from a top down view
  
• Recently, when I visited an optometrist and ophthalmologist, they said my eyes were normal apart from my blurry vision, but they also made a short comment saying something about me having "chronic rhinitis" or "chronic allergies" or something (they didn't make it sound like it was a big deal)
  
• Nose is constantly a little bit stuffy
  
• Overly spaced teeth, overjet and overbite, as well as two extra (supernumerary) teeth below my front bottom row which were recently removed
  
• Jaw pain when opening wide, makes crunching noises
  
• Mild headaches
  
• Indigestion (bad diet?)
  
• Minor dip/depression in sternum (pectus excavatum)
  
• Bubbly urine
  
• Sebahorric dermatitis or some other skin condition in my scalp that causes itching and dandruff flakes
  
• Sometimes when nearing sleep I hear voices, often calling my name
  
• Severe depression
  

So far I've gotten an electrocardiogram, echocardiogram, chest x-ray, my eyes tested by an optometrist and ophthalmologist, a CBC blood test, and a urine test to check my kidneys. All were normal.
Please help me out, my life kinda sucks having to deal with all of this. The worst out of all of these is my constant exhaustion, followed shortly by my depression, knee and foot pain, brain fog, and my dysautonomia symptoms. They've seriously been ruining my life.