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2011.09.08 20:31 Skuld British Problems
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For the United Kingdom of Great Britain (England, Scotland, Wales) and Northern Ireland; News, Politics, Economics, Society, Business, Culture, discussion and anything else UK related.
2008.10.25 22:53 Sadly, this is not the Onion.
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2023.05.29 03:45 harry-jg How to Buy and Sell NFT
The modern art scene has evolved into something of a digital jungle, with NFT artists and collectors finding themselves in the crosshairs of online rogues, the digital counterparts of our friendly neighbourhood pickpockets. Some of these scoundrels have made off with sums large enough to give Uncle Tom a fit of the vapours. While most NFT bazaars fortify their establishments with security as tight as Bertie's Aunt Agatha's grip on his allowance, these virtual marauders employ an array of clever tactics to ferret out chinks in the armour.
Also, patrons who step into the NFT marketplace without a fair understanding of the potential hazards are likely to fall prey to scams as varied as the ingredients in Anatole's menu, unless they adopt the proper cybersecurity etiquette.
In this discourse, we shall traverse the path of safety in the acquisition, disposal, and conservation of NFTs, with a special focus on the common pitfalls one must be wary of before taking a plunge into this sea of digital artefacts.
Take heed, however: this account does not aspire to the status of financial counsel. Should one wish to treat NFTs as financial steppingstones, it would be prudent to seek out the advice of a seasoned financial advisor well-versed in the intricacies of digital assets, including NFTs and cryptocurrencies. As with all matters of great importance, prior personal research into NFTs and cryptocurrencies is highly recommended before parting with your hard-earned pounds or engaging in any trading of said assets. One should be as aware of the risks associated with these dealings as Jeeves is of Bertie's numerous romantic entanglements.
NFTs: A Gentleman's Guide to the Artefacts of the Digital Age
An NFT, you see, bears an uncanny resemblance to a digital autograph (fondly dubbed a "Token") which serves as a certificate of proprietorship over a virtual asset – these assets might range from digital masterpieces and collectibles to prime digital real estate. The best analogy for these NFTs, is they are much like the deeds to your stately family home. Now, the deeds themselves do not constitute the building, but rather the legal evidence of your dominion over it. Similarly, an NFT does not represent the actual work of digital art but is a token of its ownership.
The operations of NFTs are underpinned by a nifty invention called blockchain technology, which plays the role of the dutiful Jeeves, handling the transaction and safekeeping of these NFTs. Using some form of secret code language or 'cryptography', these blockchain networks pave the way for trusted dealings sans the requirement for a third-party interference (a meddlesome middleman, so to speak) and ensure the secure archival of all records.
So, what exactly does NFT stand for? Well, it’s an abbreviation for "non-fungible token." Now, if something is "fungible", it implies that it can be exchanged for an identical item without affecting its value. A dollar bill, for instance, is fungible, as you can swap it for another dollar bill, with no impact on its worth. However, a "non-fungible" item means that there aren't any equivalent assets it can be swapped for. These are generally one-of-a-kind items, akin to custom timepieces, limited edition figurines, and singular art pieces. Thus, an NFT, being a unique entity, cannot be directly swapped for another NFT. The "token" part of non-fungible token refers to the digital signature that authenticates ownership. If you hold the unique signature or "token" tied to an asset, you can assert your ownership of said asset.
Perils and Pitfalls: A Navigational Chart for the NFT Voyager
While the sturdy vessel of blockchain technology that navigates the choppy seas of NFTs might be as secure as the Bank of England, there still exist several pesky barnacles clinging to its hull, threatening to place NFT users in a bit of a soup. These include, but aren't limited to, nefarious wallet raids, weak points in the defences of NFT platforms, unsavoury exploitation by computer bugs and viruses, cunning phishing expeditions, and the ever-so-sly scams of social engineering.
Invisible Pestilence: A Tale of NFT's Malware Marauders
As in all spheres of existence, the shimmering world of NFT platforms too has had its fair share of skeletons in the closet - loopholes cunningly exploited by the digital bounders, letting them 'airdrop' NFTs, teeming with malevolent attachments, right into users' wallets. Now, an 'airdrop', in the decent, respectable circles of cryptocurrency and NFT projects, is merely a benevolent act of tossing a free item into a user's crypto wallet - as harmless as handing out complimentary biscuits at the club. However, when these seemingly innocuous airdropped NFTs come bearing hidden malware like a Trojan horse, unwary users could inadvertently download these digital pests, resulting in an unsolicited exhibition of their most private data. This could range from crypto wallet passwords and private keys to backup phrases, personal information, and all manner of things best kept under wraps.
A Fishing Trip Through the NFT Seas: Phishing Attacks, Smishing Scandals, and Counterfeit Webpage Woes
Imagine, if you will, a bustling scene of NFT enthusiasts, going about their business, trading and collecting digital treasures. Yet, lurking in the shadows are the incorrigible digital miscreants, plotting their next phishing attack. Yes, phishing, the nefarious act of pretending to be a legitimate entity to hoodwink unsuspecting NFT users into parting with their crypto wallet's private keys or backup phrases. Once obtained, these felons swiftly empty the user's wallet of its NFT collections and associated funds, as swiftly as one might drain a bottle of the finest claret.
Regrettably, the machinations of these digital ruffians have only become more sophisticated. Enter 'smishing', a novel variant of phishing, where the attackers deploy deceptive SMS messages to the user's mobile device, leading them to click on malicious links or persuading them to part with their two-factor authentication codes that guard their NFT wallets and online accounts.
And as if that weren’t enough, these rogues have added website forgery to their arsenal of deceit. Creating facsimile versions of legitimate NFT platforms or of popular NFT collection websites, they strategically place ads that lure users onto these bogus sites. Once ensnared, the victims are coaxed into entering sensitive information such as recovery phrases, providing the hackers with a one-way ticket into their crypto wallets, and a free hand to pilfer NFTs and cryptocurrency funds at leisure.
Under the Cloak of Camaraderie: A Tale of Digital Miscreants and Social Engineering Shenanigans
Picture a digital rogue so crafty, he's able to coax the private details out of an unsuspecting NFT enthusiast, simply by utilising the tools of social engineering. These chaps dive headlong into the personal lives of their victims, looking for the perfect hook with which to draw them into their deceitful net. It might be a shared interest or hobby that they latch onto, creating a false sense of camaraderie and trust, as cunning as a fox that’s just been made the head of hen-house security.
These swindlers have no shortage of tactics up their sleeves, with some bold enough to impersonate customer support personnel on Twitter for reputable NFT platforms, such as OpenSea, or even masquerade as employees on an authentic platform's Discord server. And don't think for a moment that these schemes are amateurish! Oh, no! These social engineering plots can be so exquisitely sophisticated and meticulously organised, they might even hoodwink the most savvy of NFT users.
Consider, for instance, these rogues posing as a legitimate business, keen on partnering with reputable NFT traders. They engage in convivial exchanges, build a rapport, and once the stage is set, they pull the rug out from under their unsuspecting targets, tricking them into sending cryptocurrency funds to a duplicitous wallet. So, just as in the tales of old, where the sly fox tricks the unsuspecting lamb, in the world of NFTs, it pays to keep your wits about you and not take things at face value.
The Case of the Bumbling Wallet and the Crafty Crypto Caper
Imagine, if you will, a crypto wallet—just your everyday digital purse, mind you—coming under attack by a band of cunning hackers. This woeful predicament usually arises when the wallet's custodian fails to adhere to the gold standard in security procedures. The miscreants employ a variety of tools in their digital skulduggery, with phishing being their favourite pastime. But let's not forget the insidious malware—spyware, keyloggers, and the like—that stealthily monitor every twitch and click, ready to snatch up any juicy tidbits of sensitive data.
To ward off these digital rapscallions, one must store one's crypto wallet private keys with the utmost discretion, akin to how one might tuck away one's prized collection of first-edition Wodehouse novels. A stout password, sturdy as a bulldog's bite, is a must for any crypto wallet aspiring to stay out of the hands of these nefarious netizens.
And don't forget the cavalry in this digital fray—a robust antivirus program. Windows patrons might find solace in the arms of a program like Norton, while Mac aficionados might rest easier with Intego standing guard. With these loyal digital sentinels on patrol, your system will be as free of spyware, keyloggers, and data-pilfering malware as the Drones Club is free of an overly sober atmosphere.
Doppelgangers in the Digital Art Bazaar: The Tale of Bogus NFTs
Imagine, if you will, a horde of scammers, much akin to troublesome gnats at a summer picnic, hatching counterfeit NFTs in the likeness of popular collections. The whole operation is somewhat reminiscent of peddling sham concert tickets at the local gig, old chap.
Detecting these cunning replicas can be as tricky as spotting a speck of dust on Aunt Agatha's prized Chippendale settee. However, just like Aunt Dahlia's French chef Anatole has his telltale signs for distinguishing fresh truffles, these fraudulent NFTs bear certain tell-tale signs of inauthenticity, such as:
When navigating these choppy waters, my dear reader, stick to the blue checkmark, much like the North Star to a weary traveler. That little symbol could be your salvation in the topsy-turvy world of NFT trading.
submitted by harry-jg to topvpn [link] [comments]
Also, patrons who step into the NFT marketplace without a fair understanding of the potential hazards are likely to fall prey to scams as varied as the ingredients in Anatole's menu, unless they adopt the proper cybersecurity etiquette.
In this discourse, we shall traverse the path of safety in the acquisition, disposal, and conservation of NFTs, with a special focus on the common pitfalls one must be wary of before taking a plunge into this sea of digital artefacts.
Take heed, however: this account does not aspire to the status of financial counsel. Should one wish to treat NFTs as financial steppingstones, it would be prudent to seek out the advice of a seasoned financial advisor well-versed in the intricacies of digital assets, including NFTs and cryptocurrencies. As with all matters of great importance, prior personal research into NFTs and cryptocurrencies is highly recommended before parting with your hard-earned pounds or engaging in any trading of said assets. One should be as aware of the risks associated with these dealings as Jeeves is of Bertie's numerous romantic entanglements.
NFTs: A Gentleman's Guide to the Artefacts of the Digital Age
An NFT, you see, bears an uncanny resemblance to a digital autograph (fondly dubbed a "Token") which serves as a certificate of proprietorship over a virtual asset – these assets might range from digital masterpieces and collectibles to prime digital real estate. The best analogy for these NFTs, is they are much like the deeds to your stately family home. Now, the deeds themselves do not constitute the building, but rather the legal evidence of your dominion over it. Similarly, an NFT does not represent the actual work of digital art but is a token of its ownership.
The operations of NFTs are underpinned by a nifty invention called blockchain technology, which plays the role of the dutiful Jeeves, handling the transaction and safekeeping of these NFTs. Using some form of secret code language or 'cryptography', these blockchain networks pave the way for trusted dealings sans the requirement for a third-party interference (a meddlesome middleman, so to speak) and ensure the secure archival of all records.
So, what exactly does NFT stand for? Well, it’s an abbreviation for "non-fungible token." Now, if something is "fungible", it implies that it can be exchanged for an identical item without affecting its value. A dollar bill, for instance, is fungible, as you can swap it for another dollar bill, with no impact on its worth. However, a "non-fungible" item means that there aren't any equivalent assets it can be swapped for. These are generally one-of-a-kind items, akin to custom timepieces, limited edition figurines, and singular art pieces. Thus, an NFT, being a unique entity, cannot be directly swapped for another NFT. The "token" part of non-fungible token refers to the digital signature that authenticates ownership. If you hold the unique signature or "token" tied to an asset, you can assert your ownership of said asset.
Perils and Pitfalls: A Navigational Chart for the NFT Voyager
While the sturdy vessel of blockchain technology that navigates the choppy seas of NFTs might be as secure as the Bank of England, there still exist several pesky barnacles clinging to its hull, threatening to place NFT users in a bit of a soup. These include, but aren't limited to, nefarious wallet raids, weak points in the defences of NFT platforms, unsavoury exploitation by computer bugs and viruses, cunning phishing expeditions, and the ever-so-sly scams of social engineering.
Invisible Pestilence: A Tale of NFT's Malware Marauders
As in all spheres of existence, the shimmering world of NFT platforms too has had its fair share of skeletons in the closet - loopholes cunningly exploited by the digital bounders, letting them 'airdrop' NFTs, teeming with malevolent attachments, right into users' wallets. Now, an 'airdrop', in the decent, respectable circles of cryptocurrency and NFT projects, is merely a benevolent act of tossing a free item into a user's crypto wallet - as harmless as handing out complimentary biscuits at the club. However, when these seemingly innocuous airdropped NFTs come bearing hidden malware like a Trojan horse, unwary users could inadvertently download these digital pests, resulting in an unsolicited exhibition of their most private data. This could range from crypto wallet passwords and private keys to backup phrases, personal information, and all manner of things best kept under wraps.
A Fishing Trip Through the NFT Seas: Phishing Attacks, Smishing Scandals, and Counterfeit Webpage Woes
Imagine, if you will, a bustling scene of NFT enthusiasts, going about their business, trading and collecting digital treasures. Yet, lurking in the shadows are the incorrigible digital miscreants, plotting their next phishing attack. Yes, phishing, the nefarious act of pretending to be a legitimate entity to hoodwink unsuspecting NFT users into parting with their crypto wallet's private keys or backup phrases. Once obtained, these felons swiftly empty the user's wallet of its NFT collections and associated funds, as swiftly as one might drain a bottle of the finest claret.
Regrettably, the machinations of these digital ruffians have only become more sophisticated. Enter 'smishing', a novel variant of phishing, where the attackers deploy deceptive SMS messages to the user's mobile device, leading them to click on malicious links or persuading them to part with their two-factor authentication codes that guard their NFT wallets and online accounts.
And as if that weren’t enough, these rogues have added website forgery to their arsenal of deceit. Creating facsimile versions of legitimate NFT platforms or of popular NFT collection websites, they strategically place ads that lure users onto these bogus sites. Once ensnared, the victims are coaxed into entering sensitive information such as recovery phrases, providing the hackers with a one-way ticket into their crypto wallets, and a free hand to pilfer NFTs and cryptocurrency funds at leisure.
Under the Cloak of Camaraderie: A Tale of Digital Miscreants and Social Engineering Shenanigans
Picture a digital rogue so crafty, he's able to coax the private details out of an unsuspecting NFT enthusiast, simply by utilising the tools of social engineering. These chaps dive headlong into the personal lives of their victims, looking for the perfect hook with which to draw them into their deceitful net. It might be a shared interest or hobby that they latch onto, creating a false sense of camaraderie and trust, as cunning as a fox that’s just been made the head of hen-house security.
These swindlers have no shortage of tactics up their sleeves, with some bold enough to impersonate customer support personnel on Twitter for reputable NFT platforms, such as OpenSea, or even masquerade as employees on an authentic platform's Discord server. And don't think for a moment that these schemes are amateurish! Oh, no! These social engineering plots can be so exquisitely sophisticated and meticulously organised, they might even hoodwink the most savvy of NFT users.
Consider, for instance, these rogues posing as a legitimate business, keen on partnering with reputable NFT traders. They engage in convivial exchanges, build a rapport, and once the stage is set, they pull the rug out from under their unsuspecting targets, tricking them into sending cryptocurrency funds to a duplicitous wallet. So, just as in the tales of old, where the sly fox tricks the unsuspecting lamb, in the world of NFTs, it pays to keep your wits about you and not take things at face value.
The Case of the Bumbling Wallet and the Crafty Crypto Caper
Imagine, if you will, a crypto wallet—just your everyday digital purse, mind you—coming under attack by a band of cunning hackers. This woeful predicament usually arises when the wallet's custodian fails to adhere to the gold standard in security procedures. The miscreants employ a variety of tools in their digital skulduggery, with phishing being their favourite pastime. But let's not forget the insidious malware—spyware, keyloggers, and the like—that stealthily monitor every twitch and click, ready to snatch up any juicy tidbits of sensitive data.
To ward off these digital rapscallions, one must store one's crypto wallet private keys with the utmost discretion, akin to how one might tuck away one's prized collection of first-edition Wodehouse novels. A stout password, sturdy as a bulldog's bite, is a must for any crypto wallet aspiring to stay out of the hands of these nefarious netizens.
And don't forget the cavalry in this digital fray—a robust antivirus program. Windows patrons might find solace in the arms of a program like Norton, while Mac aficionados might rest easier with Intego standing guard. With these loyal digital sentinels on patrol, your system will be as free of spyware, keyloggers, and data-pilfering malware as the Drones Club is free of an overly sober atmosphere.
Doppelgangers in the Digital Art Bazaar: The Tale of Bogus NFTs
Imagine, if you will, a horde of scammers, much akin to troublesome gnats at a summer picnic, hatching counterfeit NFTs in the likeness of popular collections. The whole operation is somewhat reminiscent of peddling sham concert tickets at the local gig, old chap.
Detecting these cunning replicas can be as tricky as spotting a speck of dust on Aunt Agatha's prized Chippendale settee. However, just like Aunt Dahlia's French chef Anatole has his telltale signs for distinguishing fresh truffles, these fraudulent NFTs bear certain tell-tale signs of inauthenticity, such as:
- Prices that could make a frugal Scotsman blush, being significantly less than those of their bona fide counterparts.
- Absence of verification (no blue checkmark donning their listing, the digital equivalent of a monocle, to vouch for their legitimacy).
- Orphaned from their original collection, much like a lone scone at a busy afternoon tea.
- Contract addresses that don’t match the original ones, a red flag as conspicuous as a fox at Blandings Castle.
- A trading volume lower than the level of sobriety at the Drones Club on a Friday evening.
When navigating these choppy waters, my dear reader, stick to the blue checkmark, much like the North Star to a weary traveler. That little symbol could be your salvation in the topsy-turvy world of NFT trading.
2023.05.28 17:00 _call-me-al_ [Sun, May 28 2023] TL;DR — This is what you missed in the last 24 hours on Reddit
If you want to receive this as a daily email in your inbox, you can now join at this link
worldnews
President of Belarus hospitalised after meeting with PutinComments Link
More than half of voters now want Britain to forge closer ties with the EU, poll reveals
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Iran, Taliban exchange heavy gunfire in conflict over water rights on Afghan border
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news
Texas House launches historic impeachment proceedings against Attorney General Ken PaxtonComments Link
As cancer drug shortages grow, some doctors are forced to ration doses or delay care
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State Farm to stop accepting homeowners insurance applications in California due to wildfires, construction costs
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science
Regular walks strengthen connections in and between brain networks, according to new research, adding to growing evidence linking exercise with slowing the onset of Alzheimer's disease.Comments Link
Research has recently shown that nearly any material can be turned into a device that continuously harvests electricity from humidity in the air by applying nanopores with less than 100 nanometers in diameter
Comments Link
Psychedelic substance 5-MeO-DMT induces long-lasting neural plasticity in mice
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space
One of the most difficult shots I've ever attempted, this is the moment the ISS transited the waxing crescent moon in broad daylight. Uncropped photo and video of the event linked in the comments.Comments Link
A supernova the size of 9.461e+15 manatees appeared this week in the M101 galaxy. I was lucky enough to photograph it from my backyard.
Comments Link
Barnard 68 (B68) is a dark globule within the Milky Way. These molecular clouds, known to be some of the coldest objects in the Universe (around 10 K or -263 °C), play a crucial role as the birthplaces of stars and planets. Credit: FORS Team, 8.2-meter VLT Antu, ESO.
Comments Link
Futurology
New IEA data shows the oil industry knows its days are numbered. Instead of investing in future production, it's distributing record profits to shareholders. Renewables are now the world's largest energy source as measured by future investment - almost double the size of fossil fuelsComments Link
Japan to try beaming solar power from space in mid-decade
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Study: anti-soil coating developed for solar panels. It boosted electricity production by 3% over a 9 month period
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AskReddit
What is the male equivalent of a woman wearing a sexy mini dress?Comments Link
What do you think is the biggest mistake people make in relationships?
Comments Link
What is the worst pick up line you’ve ever heard?
Comments Link
todayilearned
TIL that at the company Hormel Foods, which makes canned SPAM, employees are supposed to refer to spam emails as unwanted emails.Comments Link
TIL that Carlo Urbani, an Italian Microbiologist, was the first to identify SARS-COV-1 in Vietnam and report it to the WHO as a dangerous new pathogen. Urbani himself died of SARS himself shortly after, having triggered a rapid response to a potential pandemic, and saving many lives.
Comments Link
TIL Burritos are popular food for astronauts in space because it's easy to eat and doesn't produce crumbs that could float around and damage equipment
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dataisbeautiful
[OC] Maximal Entropy Random Walk (MERW) - often more optimal than naive RW, lots of applications, e.g. shown my conductance model in semiconductorComments Link
[OC] Visualizing Financial Market Returns Across Many Asset Classes via Heatmaps
Comments Link
Years of occupation needed to adversely possess land, by US state
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Cooking
Why is the older generation so fearful of MSG?Comments Link
What do you make for your partner when they are sick?
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What's a flavor combination you were skeptical about, but was surprisingly delicious?
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food
[Homemade] Chicago Style & Chili Cheese beef hotdogs.Comments Link
[Homemade] Beignets with homemade jams
Comments Link
[homemade] 3 layer meat lasagna.
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movies
Directors Lord & Miller On Spider-Man Noir and Project Hail MaryComments Link
Ford v Ferrari (2019) Is the Best Car Movie I've Ever Seen
Comments Link
2023 Cannes Film Festival: 'Anatomy of a Fall' wins the Palme d'Or; Jonathan Glazer's 'The Zone of Interest' wins the Grand Prix; Tran Anh Hung wins Best Director, Kōji Yakusho wins Best Actor; and Merve Dizdar wins Best Actress
Comments Link
Art
Seagull Man, Pink Blanket (me), Digital, 2023Comments Link
"Armored Vanity", Chalky Nan (me), Digital, 2023
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LEGO Moon Palace, legotruman (me), lego bricks, 2023
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television
"Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets" The four-part docuseries (premiering June 2nd) interrogates disturbing abuse within the family and their insidious organization the IBLPComments Link
Marvel's Runaways Removed From Disney+ And Hulu Without Warning
Comments Link
Will ‘Better Call Saul’ Finally Win an Emmy?
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pics
Amazing performance at Cannes by Alina Baikova from Ukraine.Comments Link
Hand embroidered chameleon bag made by me.
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Reddit, thank you for putting a huge smile on my tractor hauling Dad this week.
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gifs
Golden Retrievers Playing In The WaterComments Link
The World’s Largest Open Pit Iron Mine In Hibbing, Minnesota. A Manmade Grand Canyon
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M101 Supernova - SN2023ixf
Comments Link
educationalgifs
Geological evolution of North America in the last 550 millon yearsComments Link
mildlyinteresting
This restaurant named "Thai food near me"Comments Link
My local coffee shop offers a single gummy worm as a food option
Comments Link
my local nordstrom is closing down and is selling a jetplane ejector seat as a part of their liquidation .-.
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interestingasfuck
Huge colony of bats emerging from a cave in MexicoComments Link
.50 BMG pistol
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Breaking this huge granite
Comments Link
funny
*Dog rings the bell, gets confused and barks coz "Someone is at the door" *Comments Link
This pumpkin is concerned about his future
Comments Link
144p cake
Comments Link
aww
An elderly man feeds 25 super hungry raccoons.Comments Link
*Taking my kitty for a scooter ride to his favorite spot. *
Comments Link
That is a seVEREly happy dog.
Comments Link
2023.05.27 08:36 retohcvbcvbcvb I thought I was the only one!-
 | submitted by retohcvbcvbcvb to GreatBritishMemes [link] [comments] |
2023.04.19 17:00 _call-me-al_ [Wed, Apr 19 2023] TL;DR — This is what you missed in the last 24 hours on Reddit
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worldnews
Russian national basketball team banned from participation in OlympicsComments Link
Germany announces delivery of Patriot air defence system to Ukraine
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US warns Russia not to touch American nuclear technology at Ukrainian nuclear plant
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news
Fox/Dominion Settled - just announced on public access line for the court trialComments Link
Oklahoma sheriff says recording of killing talk was illegal
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Twitter quietly changes its hateful conduct policy to remove standing protections for its transgender users
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science
Medical Marijuana Improved Parkinson’s Disease Symptoms in 87% of PatientsComments Link
Sugary drink tax improves health, lowers health care costs
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A joint bank account may improve your marriage -- an experiment where couples were assigned to have separate or joint bank accounts showed that ones with joint accounts recorded significantly higher satisfaction in their relationships.
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space
SpaceX and NASA have a plan to extend the life of Hubble by docking a crewed Dragon vehicle to boost its orbit. Hubble is ready. In 2009 the final Shuttle service mission left a docking mechanism, and the last person to work on that mission in orbit was Megan McArthur who also flew on SpaceX Crew 2.Comments Link
Building telescopes on the Moon could transform astronomy – and it's becoming an achievable goal
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Classified, 'substantial' new military space capability should be online by 2026: Space Force chief
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Futurology
Should we convert empty offices into apartments to address housing shortages?Comments Link
‘60 Minutes’ Made a Shockingly Wrong Claim About Google’s AI
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CRISPR-edited fat shrank tumors in mice. Someday, it could work in people, scientists say.
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AskReddit
Florida state is attempting to make child rape punishable by death. Do you think child rape warrants a death penalty? Why or why not?Comments Link
There is a greek proverb : "A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in". What are the greatest examples of this in human history ?
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What’s one thing that the world would be better off without?
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todayilearned
TIL That future US President Lyndon Johnson taught in an all-Mexican-American school in the 1920's, bought the Spanish-speaking janitor an English language book, and tutored the janitor in English on his own time.Comments Link
TIL most male nudity in (non-porn) films uses prosthetic penises
Comments Link
TIL the test pilot for the first fighter jet would fly dressed as a gorilla in a hat to allow US Air Force psychologists to gaslight other pilots into believing they hadn't witnessed a “gorilla, wearing a derby hat, waving a stogie at them” flying a fast-moving plane without a propeller
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dataisbeautiful
[OC] I updated our famous password table for 2023Comments Link
[OC] US states by % population with atleast a bachelor's degree.
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[OC] Slime Mold Simulation using Dijkstra's Algorithm. Solver written in MS excel and graphic created using ffmpeg.
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Cooking
Which spices / herbs / stock do you love to infuse your rice with in rice cookers?Comments Link
Received a mortar and pestle from Mexico as gift and would love to use but how do I clean it? I believe it's volcanic material? Lots of tiny holes and crevices.
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Learning to cook for myself is a big, ongoing part of my college experience. Yesterday I made salmon!
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food
[Homemade] “Chinese Takeout” Beef Lo MeinComments Link
[homemade] giant lemon sweet roll “cake” with lemon glaze
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[Homemade] Buttermilk biscuits with garlic and cheddar
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movies
Amazon’s New Tool Adjusts Sound So You Can Actually Understand Movie and TV DialogueComments Link
Paramount+ Greenlights ‘Star Trek: Section 31’ Film Starring Michelle Yeoh
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Martin Scorsese Locks ‘Killers Of The Flower Moon’ Run Time - 3 Hours, 26 Minutes
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Art
Pickle Ball, me, acrylic, 2023Comments Link
Elaine's dancing, wood art, 2023
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“Cuddle puddle” me, oil on aluminum panel, 2021
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television
Fox to Pay $787 Million in Dominion Defamation Trial SettlementComments Link
‘Galaxy Quest’ TV Series in the Works at Paramount+
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Charlie Sheen Reunites With Chuck Lorre, Joins Max Comedy Series ‘How To Be A Bookie’
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pics
I found this while looking for a picture frameComments Link
Manute Bol blocking a shot
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The Big Dig Before And After! Boston
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gifs
MRI Imaging just got 64 million times sharperComments Link
Having a good brush session gives him the zoomies
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Backyard Beach Ball
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educationalgifs
How hydraulics workComments Link
mildlyinteresting
My doctor charges the insurance company $58 to ask how many drinks a week I have.Comments Link
My role of trash bags came as one uncut trash tarp
Comments Link
This 1907 penny I got as change today.
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interestingasfuck
I made my pup Olive this tennis ball catapultComments Link
Adult and juvenile swordfish
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The lava from Indonesia's Kawah Ijen volcano is electric blue
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funny
Toys these days for kidsComments Link
Driving simulator doesn't go according to plan
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Heckler gets rekt by street performer
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aww
Sunbathing indoorsComments Link
Kingfisher frozen to a bridge gets its feet thawed out & freed by a kindly gentleman
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*My kitten using his cat door for the first time *
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2023.04.10 07:51 nomoreuturns Binge eating as a result of hormone imbalance
Tl;dr: If you’re hungry all the time and never feel sated even when physically full — even to the point of being in discomfort or pain because of how much you’ve eaten — check to see if your binge eating is caused by a hormonal imbalance.
I’ve struggled with my weight for years, and even longer than that I’ve struggled with feeling constantly hungry and never feeling full. I have a memory from when I was like five or six: I was hiding in the pantry, eating a box of Guylian chocolates we’d been given for Christmas. I ate the back rows first, so my mum wouldn’t notice how many I’d eaten. I remember feeling so guilty, but I couldn’t stop myself.
All my life, I’ve always thought I just didn’t have any willpower. My mum, my family, my friends, my classmates, my coworkers: they’d all seem to be satisfied with a small packet of crisps, or a couple of biscuits, or a pie, or a can of soda, and I just…couldn’t understand how that was enough for them. I just never felt sated. Sometimes I would feel physically full, sometimes to the point of discomfort or pain, but it was like the switch in my head that said “You’re full!” would never get flicked. My mum would say “A taste is enough!” as she ate half a chocolate bar and saved the rest for the next day; I’d eat half my chocolate bar, and then the other half, and then the three others I’d bought because they were on special, and still feel hungry. I’ve had psychologists and dietitians try to help me with the binge eating, but we would always stumble when trying to identify the emotional cause of my bingeing…because there wasn’t one. I wasn’t necessarily eating more during times of stress or anxiety: I was always hungry.
I finally admitted I had a problem in 2021, after struggling for years to curb my appetite and to achieve a healthy weight. I also finally realised that there was a difference between my experience of hunger and the experiences of my friends and family. My general practitioner referred me to a psychiatrist at a clinic that specialises in eating disorders, and I laid out the facts for this psychiatrist: that I’m not happy, that I never feel full, that I’m struggling, that something is wrong, that I’d tried multiple times to lose weight by making lifestyle changes and healthy eating plans and it never worked…the number on the scale just kept climbing. Their recommendation was to just accept that this is who I am and this is the hunger I’m meant to have and the weight I’m meant to be. I was bitterly disappointed, because I had tried that, and now my health — physical, mental, emotional — was at risk.
I went back to my GP, and they understood my frustration. My GP recommended I try a weight-management drug, Ozempic. I was wary: I didn’t want to medicate away my issues, I wanted to solve the underlying cause. But my GP said that at the very least, Ozempic could give me some breathing room: the medication could help me to manage my weight while we worked to figure out what was causing the constant hunger. We went through the literature, my GP made sure I was aware of all the side effects, and I agreed to go on Ozempic.
The first day I tried Ozempic, I was skeptical. I thought it would either a) do nothing, or b) kill my hunger entirely, and I’d be forcing myself to eat. Neither of those things happened. Instead, my life changed literally within hours. The best way to describe it is that my hunger was suddenly appropriate for my size: I ate breakfast, a serve of yoghurt and some fruit and some granola…and I was satisfied. I didn’t feel the need to have toast, or another yoghurt, or double (or triple) the granola: I was full. Time passed, and suddenly it was lunchtime, and I realised I was hungry. Normally I’d be watching the clock, counting down the minutes until I could reasonably have a snack or a meal, but it was lunchtime and I had only just realised I was hungry. So I had lunch: chicken and salad.
I didn’t finish all my chicken. I ate most of it, a decent serving, but not all of it. And it was OK. I stopped eating because I wanted to, because I was full, not because I was forcing myself to leave a little bit on my plate, as I’d been encouraged to do by dietitians and psychologists over the years. I just didn’t feel like eating all of the chicken.
The pattern continued: I’d eat a meal, feel sated, then I wouldn’t feel need to eat for hours. Not only that, but I noticed the foods I was drawn to had changed: before the Ozempic I was eating calorie-dense foods like peanut butter, bread, and chocolate to excess…I’d go through at least a loaf of bread in a week. On the Ozempic, it was so much easier to reach for the carrots and hommus, or the fruit, or the salad. And I wasn’t binge eating anymore: my binge eating had abruptly stopped.
I’ve been using Ozempic on and off for just over a year now, about 30 weeks out of 54. I went without Ozempic for a few months during the shortages last year, so I feel like I have a pretty good understanding of the difference between my appetite without Ozempic versus my appetite with Ozempic. It’s pretty striking:
So that’s my story. And my recommendation to everyone is to check if weight-management drugs like Ozempic or Trulicity, the ones that are essentially hormone-replacement therapy, have an impact on your binge eating.
It’s not that I had no willpower; I just have a hormone imbalance.
submitted by nomoreuturns to BingeEatingDisorder [link] [comments]
I’ve struggled with my weight for years, and even longer than that I’ve struggled with feeling constantly hungry and never feeling full. I have a memory from when I was like five or six: I was hiding in the pantry, eating a box of Guylian chocolates we’d been given for Christmas. I ate the back rows first, so my mum wouldn’t notice how many I’d eaten. I remember feeling so guilty, but I couldn’t stop myself.
All my life, I’ve always thought I just didn’t have any willpower. My mum, my family, my friends, my classmates, my coworkers: they’d all seem to be satisfied with a small packet of crisps, or a couple of biscuits, or a pie, or a can of soda, and I just…couldn’t understand how that was enough for them. I just never felt sated. Sometimes I would feel physically full, sometimes to the point of discomfort or pain, but it was like the switch in my head that said “You’re full!” would never get flicked. My mum would say “A taste is enough!” as she ate half a chocolate bar and saved the rest for the next day; I’d eat half my chocolate bar, and then the other half, and then the three others I’d bought because they were on special, and still feel hungry. I’ve had psychologists and dietitians try to help me with the binge eating, but we would always stumble when trying to identify the emotional cause of my bingeing…because there wasn’t one. I wasn’t necessarily eating more during times of stress or anxiety: I was always hungry.
I finally admitted I had a problem in 2021, after struggling for years to curb my appetite and to achieve a healthy weight. I also finally realised that there was a difference between my experience of hunger and the experiences of my friends and family. My general practitioner referred me to a psychiatrist at a clinic that specialises in eating disorders, and I laid out the facts for this psychiatrist: that I’m not happy, that I never feel full, that I’m struggling, that something is wrong, that I’d tried multiple times to lose weight by making lifestyle changes and healthy eating plans and it never worked…the number on the scale just kept climbing. Their recommendation was to just accept that this is who I am and this is the hunger I’m meant to have and the weight I’m meant to be. I was bitterly disappointed, because I had tried that, and now my health — physical, mental, emotional — was at risk.
I went back to my GP, and they understood my frustration. My GP recommended I try a weight-management drug, Ozempic. I was wary: I didn’t want to medicate away my issues, I wanted to solve the underlying cause. But my GP said that at the very least, Ozempic could give me some breathing room: the medication could help me to manage my weight while we worked to figure out what was causing the constant hunger. We went through the literature, my GP made sure I was aware of all the side effects, and I agreed to go on Ozempic.
The first day I tried Ozempic, I was skeptical. I thought it would either a) do nothing, or b) kill my hunger entirely, and I’d be forcing myself to eat. Neither of those things happened. Instead, my life changed literally within hours. The best way to describe it is that my hunger was suddenly appropriate for my size: I ate breakfast, a serve of yoghurt and some fruit and some granola…and I was satisfied. I didn’t feel the need to have toast, or another yoghurt, or double (or triple) the granola: I was full. Time passed, and suddenly it was lunchtime, and I realised I was hungry. Normally I’d be watching the clock, counting down the minutes until I could reasonably have a snack or a meal, but it was lunchtime and I had only just realised I was hungry. So I had lunch: chicken and salad.
I didn’t finish all my chicken. I ate most of it, a decent serving, but not all of it. And it was OK. I stopped eating because I wanted to, because I was full, not because I was forcing myself to leave a little bit on my plate, as I’d been encouraged to do by dietitians and psychologists over the years. I just didn’t feel like eating all of the chicken.
The pattern continued: I’d eat a meal, feel sated, then I wouldn’t feel need to eat for hours. Not only that, but I noticed the foods I was drawn to had changed: before the Ozempic I was eating calorie-dense foods like peanut butter, bread, and chocolate to excess…I’d go through at least a loaf of bread in a week. On the Ozempic, it was so much easier to reach for the carrots and hommus, or the fruit, or the salad. And I wasn’t binge eating anymore: my binge eating had abruptly stopped.
I’ve been using Ozempic on and off for just over a year now, about 30 weeks out of 54. I went without Ozempic for a few months during the shortages last year, so I feel like I have a pretty good understanding of the difference between my appetite without Ozempic versus my appetite with Ozempic. It’s pretty striking:
- Without Ozempic: I’m hungry all the time; I’ll eat just about anything, but I’m drawn to calorie-dense foods; I binge eat.
- With Ozempic: I’m hungry at appropriate times; I’m drawn to a range of foods, only some of them calorie-dense, and I can regulate how much I eat; I don’t binge eat. At all.
So that’s my story. And my recommendation to everyone is to check if weight-management drugs like Ozempic or Trulicity, the ones that are essentially hormone-replacement therapy, have an impact on your binge eating.
It’s not that I had no willpower; I just have a hormone imbalance.
2023.04.03 18:44 flyinghorseduck 120 Minor Inconveniences at Sea
The smell of the salt, the wind in your hair, everything seems to be going great until something slightly annoying occurs. Roll a d120 to find out what minor inconvenience requires your attention.
Initial list built by d100. See it here.
List Contributors: u/rudelyinterrupts, u/RollinThundaga, u/kingofthewildducks, u/Kiyohara, u/themanwhosfacebroke, u/Onrawi, u/CampaignSpoilers, u/sandsofarrakis, u/McStabski, u/Sobek6, u/KatLikeGaming, u/Bobbafitz, u/less_hairy_bear, u/archDeaconstructor, u/FolkMinotaur, u/I_Walked_east, u/HWGA_Gallifrey, u/zach7765, u/TheSavage72, u/Ornlu_the_Wolf, u/zach7762, u/DrBeefsome, u/CrossAllTheWires, u/IndridColdware, u/Donatello_4665, u/Intelli713, u/zach7761, u/Martinus_XIV, u/MrDamnLols, u/LadyofHereAndThere, u/TgagHammerstrike, u/zach7763, u/zach7764, u/Cheerful_Toe, u/Hindumaliman, u/FlyingHorseduck
submitted by flyinghorseduck to d120Lists [link] [comments]
The smell of the salt, the wind in your hair, everything seems to be going great until something slightly annoying occurs. Roll a d120 to find out what minor inconvenience requires your attention.
| Roll | Result |
|---|---|
| 1 | Somehow you accidentally dropped anchor while underway. The force caused some damage that requires minor repairs. |
| 2 | A dispute breaks out between the crew over some possibly loaded dice. |
| 3 | A crew member painting the bow has accidentally broken off the mermaid figurehead. The superstitious crew refuse to work until someone other than them carves a new one. With questioning they admit that it has to be someone else because none of them have seen a woman in proper lighting for years. |
| 4 | A crew member pulls up a message in a bottle requesting rescue. The ink seems fresh, and the bottle does not appear to be worn from being at sea. However, according to your maps, there are no islands nearby. |
| 5 | A member of the Crew has appointed himself the entertainment coordinator and had dragooned numerous crew into his shenanigans. It seems he wants to put on a play and has roped everyone that can sing, dance, or play an instrument into it. While they seem to only practice during their times of rest, the rest of the crew wonders why anyone would make a play about a bunch of cats. |
| 6 | You awake one morning to find that your ship has stopped. Apparently one of the night crew fell in love with "the Muse of the Sea" that night and is anxiously awaiting her return. |
| 7 | You arrive at a sea known for its high salt contents. For 1d any dice of the dms choice amount of days, any food the water splashes on will be contaminated with a high salt content, causing said food to invoke thirst into players and npc’s who eat it |
| 8 | The first mate turns out to be fresh from land with only theoretical knowledge of the job. He/she seems competent enough but the crew might not take kindly to it. |
| 9 | There is a small hole in the boat just above the waterline. It can't be properly repaired unless docked and it was just noticed several days out. The boat won't sink from it so long as someone keeps throwing the buckets of sea water overboard, but it has to be done day and night, affecting both morale and overall efficiency of everyone on board. |
| 10 | A Kingsguard ship stops your vessel for an inspection. |
| 11 | Two sirens with inverse waveform voices are attempting to lure the crew to their death. Fortunately, their voices cancel each other out. Unfortunately, the resulting turf war is making it difficult to navigate. |
| 12 | Nobody brought buckets. Was it your job? Steve's? Either way, no buckets! |
| 13 | There is a rat aboard your generally rat-free vessel. So far it has eaten half a sack of rice and 5 loaves of bread. |
| 14 | A female stowaway is found. The superstitious sailors see this as a bad sign and are arguing whether or not to throw her overboard. |
| 15 | Someone left all the chamberpots at the harbor after taking them there for cleaning. The captain is insistent that nobody uses his "fine, artisan" boxes or barrels, and due to "fine, artisan" "decorations", squatting over the edge of the ship is.. inconvenient. This is combined with a witch hunt over who forgot the pots and who keeps crapping in the waste barrel in the kitchen. |
| 16 | There is rumor of mutiny on board, perhaps it is all a misunderstanding? |
| 17 | Three idiots decide to throw a mutiny, just those three idiots. They think they can take the captain and anyone else. |
| 18 | The water has been brutally choppy. Succeed on a DC 15 constitution check or become seasick. |
| 19 | The crew keeps spotting flotsam, in greater and greater quantities as the day goes on. They eventually find some valuable-looking crates adrift on the waves, which happen to contain... cross-section termite mounds, with hundreds of termites still trapped inside. Opening the crates releases them onto the ship. |
| 20 | The crew gets cat called by some mermaids. |
| 21 | Thousands of sea birds descend on your ship. Despite efforts to shoo them away, they perch all on the ship for 1d4 days. Eventually they fly away but leave the deck covered in droppings. |
| 22 | Most of the food stores have spoiled. There is enough left to survive on but everybody is grumpy and hungry. |
| 23 | Rain for days. |
| 24 | The cook runs out of spices the food is extremely bland. |
| 25 | There is a heated debate about whether the vessel you are on qualifies as a ship or is merely a boat. No one seems to have a definitive answer, and everyone is too upset to work. |
| 26 | You spot a pirate ship. Luckily it seems damaged from a recent battle and is moving quite slowly. |
| 27 | Crew shortage requires two 12 hour shifts and watch instead of the normal three 8 hour shifts. |
| 28 | A large water fowl crashed to the deck and appears badly injured by some predator. Some of the crew want to nurse the bird back to health, others think it's best to toss it into the sea and let nature take its course, a few think that's a waste of perfectly good bird meat and have started making some stuffing out of their biscuits. |
| 29 | A portion of the hull begins leaking water. At first it is just damp but eventually a constant seep causes water to collect in the ship. The crew must spend time fixing the leak which adds one day to their journey. |
| 30 | The rope wears on the main sail must be replaced. This could take all day. |
| 31 | A crew member is found dead. It is unclear whether it was natural causes or murder. |
| 32 | There is no wind or current here. Time to break out the oars and start rowing. |
| 33 | Your helmsman apparently cut himself accidentally while steering the ship. This wouldn't be a problem, except one of the sailors insists "the bloody helm" is a bad omen and wont let anyone near the wheel. |
| 34 | One of the crew members is collapsing in fits of uncontrollable laughter throughout the day. Might be a bad omen. |
| 35 | Man overboard! A crewmember falls overboard during routine operations and now they need to be rescued before they drown or the waves pull them too far away to be spotted. |
| 36 | A huge storm breaks out, not dangerous, but everybody is tensed and the mood is bad after it. |
| 37 | A sickly blue/green/yellow fog rolls over the ship. In a few minutes it's gone, but it has dissolved every piece of glass that was on the ship. |
| 38 | The ship must slow way down to navigate through an area with many large icebergs. This adds 1d4 days to the journey. |
| 39 | A boulder sized iceberg hits the boat. It's loud and scary, but no real damage can be observed. |
| 40 | The crewman are obsessed with a dice game, and are betting away all of their rations. |
| 41 | A band of seagulls is intent on following the ship. This far from land, they're certainly not turning back, and have gotten greedy in their pursuit for food.. food which is disagreeing with their seagull digestion. |
| 42 | You see a rift with a dead, dehydrated body on it. The rift has clearly been made on a deserted island. There is a coconut with painting on it that make it look like a face. |
| 43 | A game of dice ends in two crewmates fighting. |
| 44 | Someone pooped on the poop deck, and ya gotta clean it up (AGAIN!). |
| 45 | The captain's pet parrot is old, senile, and can't see very well anymore. Anything small enough that it can pick up it thinks might be food, and if it can't eat it, it will end up dropping it wherever it happens to be at the time, even if that's in the water. |
| 46 | There is a small hole in the ship, requiring immediate repair. |
| 47 | One of the rum bottles on board seams to have been spiked with some sort of drug or potion and sends everyone on an intense trip. The next day nobody remembers what happened, but from the state of the ship it is clear everyone partied pretty hard. |
| 48 | The wind stops for exactly 13 minutes. |
| 49 | A large storm forces you to sail around, adding 1d4 days to the journey. |
| 50 | A very cranky albatross with a broken wing is now stuck on the deck of your boat and will flap aggressively at anyone who comes near. |
| 51 | Your boat passes under a cloud that was enchanted by a wizard many decades ago. When any boat passes beneath it, the cloud immediately begins raining (not a thunderstorm, just an annoying ordinary rainfall). The cloud follows the boat until a new vessel passes beneath it. |
| 52 | One of the crew is singing a song that doesn't belong on a ship and nobody can find out where he is. Also he is super off key. |
| 53 | The fresh water supply went bad. It doesn't seem to make anyone sick but it reeks of rotten eggs and puts everyone in a foul mood. |
| 54 | Multiple giant squid are following the boat, they're a few hundred feet behind and don't seem to be catching up, but its got everyone on edge. |
| 55 | One crew member had a bit of a cough and now everyone is sick. |
| 56 | The crew discover the ship's name is spelled slightly differently on each side of the prow. |
| 57 | The crew is obsessed with a game called "slapball" from their native land, where a barrel is put at the side of the ship and a ball is slapped with an open palm to land in it from the opposite side. If you miss, into the ocean you go to retrieve it. The crew is very well practiced in this game and are rather insistent that the party plays and act deeply offended if refused. However, once the party plays enough to be annoyed, they laughingly admit that it's just something they do to tease landlubbers. |
| 58 | A small ship's sail boat is spotted, drifting through the sea. It is partly covered by a cloth waning for shade, while the mast only holds enough sail to keep the boat stable, and it sits fairly low in the water. Some of the crew are worried that there's something wrong with the boat, others point out the duty of all sailors to recuse those in need, and the captain seems to recognize the sail boat's (or at least a marker on the mast). |
| 59 | A merfolk vendor tries to sell you fire coral necklaces. The coral is still alive...it hurts so bad. |
| 60 | You are about a day short on rations. The crew will survive but you've got to find a way to smooth it over with them or make sure they ever find out. |
| 61 | Two seagulls seem dead-set on making a nest at the top of one of the masts. This wouldn't be such a problem if they weren't pooping on the deck so much! |
| 62 | You arrive on a site where two ships fought. You see dead bodies and ship carcasses, clothings floating and other objects. -you see two ships fighting at the horizon, you can either investigate or continue on your way |
| 63 | One of the crew brings it to your attention that your ships colors are not welcome in the waters you're sailing. |
| 64 | The nights pot of dinner is dropped and spilled on the floor. Rations will be replaced with rum. |
| 65 | A small hole has formed in the deck in front of the door to the captain's quarters. It is just small enough to not be worth fixing, but just large enough to catch people's ankles 1/3 of the times they enter without specifically avoiding it. |
| 66 | Several ropes are found to be frayed or otherwise in disrepair. Should the captain order the crew to use what they have and risk breakage or sail with half sails and fall behind schedule? |
| 67 | Part of the wood used in construction of the ship you're on was made from a dead Treant. Plant life your ship comes across with any intelligence does not take kindly to your boat. |
| 68 | A small pirate skiff harasses the vessel. It doesn't have equipment to board the high sided ship with, but they verbally abuse the party and crew for several days. |
| 69 | You find a stowaway, who only speaks a language from a faraway place. |
| 70 | A large group of Merfolk are blocking the shipping lane you need to take in protest of some political/environmental strife. A different route must be taken, or a lot of minds need to be changed about their cause. |
| 71 | A dog with a litter of pups is found in the cargo hold, subsisting on the food stores. |
| 72 | There are reports of ghosts aboard the ship. Upon closer investigation, it turns out a crewmate was drying his laundry on the ship's rigging at night. |
| 73 | There’s a leak! Not a major one, but whenever it rains water drips directly onto your bunk. Right in the middle of your forehead. |
| 74 | The trade winds have been cursed! For a full day, they will not fill the sails of any non-mercantile ship. |
| 75 | A spectral school of ghost fish are following the ship. Though they cause no damage, they scare off living fish, and emit both ghastly light and eerie noise at all times of day. Some have even taken to 'swimming' on the deck and in the halls. |
| 76 | No more water, only Rum left. |
| 77 | Your navigation equipment is slightly miscalibrated. By the time you've noticed, you're already a day behind schedule. |
| 78 | Two crew are fighting over who gets top bunk. They are at each others throats! Maybe this is about more than the bed? |
| 79 | There’s a shy siren trying to lure your ship onto the rocks. She’s not doing a great job and honestly it’s just kind of awkward. |
| 80 | A game of bets leads to a crew member becoming rich, but can he survive the night? |
| 81 | Plumes of ash and leaping gouts of lava roil out from an underwater vent close to the surface, as the start of a new island slowly births itself close to the ship. Chunks of hot ash and rock arc through the air, with the ship potentially under the area of effect. |
| 82 | A giant kraken grabs onto the ship. It means no harm, it is just lonely. It holds on for a few hours and slows down the ship. |
| 83 | Strange pollen carried by a strong wind sets off the extremely severe allergies of a few important crew members, causing an overall reduction in workforce potency until they can get back on their feet. |
| 84 | A giant sea urchin (about half the size of the boat) has attached to the bottom of the ship, slowing it down and causing difficulty steering. It seems quite content to just stay connected. |
| 85 | The main sail rips and must be repaired. |
| 86 | The ship has run out of limes, increasing your chance of scurvy by 10%. |
| 87 | The best way to get to where you're trying to go gets very close to a number of islands that have a very religious group of people on there. They have a habit of stopping ships so that they can try and convert those on board although they're otherwise harmless. |
| 88 | The ship passes a small island. If the crew decide to investigate, they add a day to their journey and find nothing. |
| 89 | An Albatross shows up, not seeking food or anything. Just watches from the port bow. |
| 90 | Fog. Dense, heavy fog for days that inhibits navigation, dampens the spirits, and makes for a nail biting encounter with a small reef. |
| 91 | Someone finds a dress on board. Rumor is that there is a naked woman on the ship somewhere. |
| 92 | A small fire breaks out. Might have been a freak incident- no one will cop to having started it on accident or purpose. |
| 93 | One of the passengers on the ship is a wizard who refuses to stop conducting his alchemical experiments, regardless of how potentially corrosive/explosive his concoctions are, regardless of the conditions at sea. |
| 94 | The mechanism that controls the rudder broke. The ship is on an aimless course until it is fixed. |
| 95 | The crew spot a massive schooling of fish off course. The fish seem to leap into the air and the water is silvery with their skin. The crew is demanding that they take a few days netting, eating, and possibly drying or curing that treasure of fish. |
| 96 | It's a hot day and the sails don't catch a single breeze of wind. It's up to the players to either wait it out or create some form of energy to keep going. |
| 97 | Lines become tangled in the worst knot you have ever seen. A success on a DC20 dexterity check is required to unravel it. Every failed attempt raises the DC by 1. |
| 98 | The ship you chartered has a crew that is much less experienced than they first let on. Mistakes are frequent and the severity of the consequences are hard to determine. |
| 99 | A lantern has gone missing for the navigator and a new one must be found in storage. This could take a few hours. |
| 100 | The only musical instrument on board breaks. |
| 101 | A goblin stowaway has been found. He has his own rations, and he isn't stealing anything, but be still shouldn't be there. |
| 102 | A sea serpent vomits on the deck. It had the whole damn ocean. Why? |
| 103 | One of the sails gets a tear in it, and the ship sails at half speed until it's fixed. |
| 104 | The crap goes around the ship and half of the crew are laid up for the week. It's up to the party to fill in as deck mates and runners while the healthy crew run the ship. |
| 105 | An entire cannon went missing and no one can find it. |
| 106 | A crew member falls from the rigging and breaks his leg, leaving a small repair needed on deck and a crew that's a little on edge. |
| 107 | There's a pod of adorable dolphins swimming alongside the ship and the deck crew are distracted from their duties |
| 108 | The ship runs aground suddenly despite seeming to be in the middle of the ocean. It takes 1d120 minutes for large enough wave to dislodge the ship. No damage is done. |
| 109 | It turns out the Bottomless Barrel of Grog is actually a Bottomless Barrel of Bog and is filled with an endless supply of peat. |
| 110 | You see, from very far away, what appears to be a powerful storm sorcerer and what is likely a Circle of the Land (Coast) Druid in the middle of a magical fight. They are right in the middle of the path to your destination. |
| 111 | The new cabin boy has not gotten his sea legs yet, and some of the more veteran members of the crew are growing increasingly annoyed by the sounds of vomit off the side of the ship. |
| 112 | The ship is hit with a massive wave from nowhere. All crew on deck must pass a DC10 strength check to hold on or be washed overboard. |
| 113 | Whilst at port someone bought a howler monkey and smuggled it aboard, probably while both were drunk. It is now awake, proving its name is indeed accurate, and the top crow's nest is his now. |
| 114 | A giant crab has found its way on board and the crew are having a hard time wrangling it without getting snapped. |
| 115 | The ship's crew are uncertain about your dialect and keep misusing commonplace words. Amongst other issues, they're calling for "mutiny" several times a day when they really mean "mealtime." |
| 116 | The 1st mate finds the crew's secret liquor stash that the captain was pretending he didn't know about. |
| 117 | The crew member in the crows nest has gone almost entirely blind. They keep yelling "LAND HO!" |
| 118 | Your ship comes upon pod of mutilated whale carcasses. The smell is awful, and the crew is on edge, unsure of what creature might have caused such destruction. Rumors begin to spread. |
| 119 | Cranium Rat infestation. The rats onboard are actually a form of sentient hive mind and are too crafty to be caught easily. They are however willing to parley. |
| 120 | You discover an uncharted island! |
List Contributors: u/rudelyinterrupts, u/RollinThundaga, u/kingofthewildducks, u/Kiyohara, u/themanwhosfacebroke, u/Onrawi, u/CampaignSpoilers, u/sandsofarrakis, u/McStabski, u/Sobek6, u/KatLikeGaming, u/Bobbafitz, u/less_hairy_bear, u/archDeaconstructor, u/FolkMinotaur, u/I_Walked_east, u/HWGA_Gallifrey, u/zach7765, u/TheSavage72, u/Ornlu_the_Wolf, u/zach7762, u/DrBeefsome, u/CrossAllTheWires, u/IndridColdware, u/Donatello_4665, u/Intelli713, u/zach7761, u/Martinus_XIV, u/MrDamnLols, u/LadyofHereAndThere, u/TgagHammerstrike, u/zach7763, u/zach7764, u/Cheerful_Toe, u/Hindumaliman, u/FlyingHorseduck
2023.04.03 01:06 Liath-Luachra [Discussion] Babel by RF Kuang – Book 3, Chapters 13-16 plus Interlude: Ramy
Hello Babblers,
Welcome to the fourth discussion of Babel by RF Kuang! We’re about halfway through the book now and things are getting very complicated for our characters.
Summary
Chapter 13
Robin doesn’t hear from Griffin again following his decision to leave Hermes. At first he’s nervous about leaving the organisation, but soon gets caught up with his third year exams and his mounting anxiety. One day he thinks he sees Anthony at a bookshop, but Anthony runs away when he sees Robin. Robin wonders if he was lied to about Anthony’s death or if he imagined the encounter, and decides the latter is more likely due to his exam stress.
The silver-working exam is the most dreaded, as the students need to attempt to produce an effect from silver before they’ve been shown the proper techniques. Cathy O’Nell gives Robin a helpful pamphlet on the basics, which he shares with his friends, and they look for cognates that might produce an effect. They also look through the Current Ledger, which lists the existing match-pairs used for silver-work. They begin to understand how certain innovations work, and Robin sees that many of the match-pairs are attributed to Professor Lovell. There are also a bunch attributed to Eveline Brooke, who seems to have been very prolific in coming up with match-pairs but suddenly stopped five years ago. They realise this must be Evie, whose desk Professor Playfair wouldn’t let anyone touch, and that she would have graduated the same year as Sterling Jones and Anthony (and Griffin, Robin thinks). They wonder if she was also lost at sea, which seems to happen a lot.
The exams go fairly smoothly for Robin. The silver-working exam was the last, and the students have to report to the exam room in half hour intervals. Letty goes first, but doesn’t speak to Robin afterwards as she leaves. Robin is next, and he shows Professor Chakravarti his prepared match-pair – the Mandarin word ‘míngbai’ meaning ‘to understand’, which is also loaded with imagery. He etches the words into the bar, and something pulses in the silver, producing a white sphere of light that envelops them both. Robin had not specified what type of understanding would be produced.
Ramy goes into the exam next, and Robin meets Letty outside where they share some lemon biscuits. Ramy joins them afterwards, and they discuss how they all got an effect from the silver. Victoire’s exam takes a long time, and she is upset when she emerges. She had used a Kreyòl-French match-pair that worked great, but Professor LeBlanc told her it wouldn’t be useful to anyone who doesn’t speak Kreyòl, and laughed at the idea of it being useful to Haitians. Letty asked if they let her try another pair in the exam, which annoys Victoire, although she did try again with a French-English pair that produced a weaker effect. They all passed the exam.
Chapter 14
Following their exams, the students have the summer off. University College is holding a commemoration ball, which only happens every three years, and despite the reluctance of the others Letty really wants them all to attend as she had attended in the past with her brother Lincoln. Robin and Ramy sign up to work the ‘silver shifts’, which means they get a free entry ticket in exchange for checking the silver bars used at the ball are working correctly.
At the ball, the decorations, food and entertainment are opulent. Victoire and Letty are dressed in beautiful gowns, which is much more feminine than their usual attire, and Robin notices that Letty is quite pretty and that Victoire “looks like starlight”. However, Colin Thornhill comes over to talk to them, and tries to give his empty glass to Victoire, thinking she’s staff even though he’s actually met her before. Letty tries to persuade Ramy to dance, but he refuses and she goes to dance with one of the Sharp brothers. Vincy Woolcombe asks Victoire to dance, and she accepts. Robin and Ramy linger awkwardly by the back wall, as their silver shift is finished but they find it difficult to mix with the other students. Robin asks Ramy why he wouldn’t dance with Letty, realising that Letty is attracted to Ramy, but Ramy says Robin knows why and they have a charged moment of eye contact.
This is cut short, however, by them realising that Letty and Victoire are in trouble – they are backed up against a wall and surrounded by a pack of leering boys, including Elton Pendennis and Vincy Woolcombe. Letty slaps Elton, who looks like he might hit her back, but Robin intervenes and tells the girls to leave with Ramy. It looks like it might turn into a fight, but Robin tells Elton he might get madeira on his white shirt, so Elton resorts to racial insults instead, and Robin leaves unscathed.
Outside the ball, Victoire downplays what just happened and asks Robin and Ramy to forget it. Ramy tells Letty that it’s her fault for persuading them to go and not listening to the others’ reasoning. Instead of going home, Ramy suggests going to Babel’s roof with a basket of food. However, when they get to the tower, they find a party is already underway with the Babel students and graduate fellows. They drink, they dance, and some of the graduates inscribe silver bars to create colours and scents. Robin later looks back on this night as a handful of pleasant memories of dancing, playing language games, and Ramy impersonating their professors. He also remembers sitting on the stairs with Letty as she cries about Ramy not seeing her in a romantic way.
After the party, Ramy and Robin walk Victoire and Letty home. They cut through the cemetery behind St Giles, and Letty sees a tombstone inscribed with the name Eveline Brooke and the dates 1813-1834. They realise it is Evie and that she’s been dead for five years. Robin suspects something awful must have happened to her, when he thinks about the contrast in the reaction to Evie’s death and Anthony’s death, the latter of which hardly left a trace at Babel.
Chapter 15
The four students all pass their exams, and are invited back to do their fourth undergraduate year at Babel. They have a happy summer with no pressing assignments, and are able to spend their time enjoying themselves. Queen Victoria’s coronation takes place near the end of June and many people travel to London to see it. Towards the end of the summer, the students visit London and see a show in Drury Lane, visit New Cut market, and see stalls selling counterfeit silver bars. Ramy is disappointed by the food at an ’authentick Indian’ curry house. The next day, on a walking tour of the city that ends at the Port of London, they see many ships from different countries and companies, and talk about where they might go the following year on the international voyage that will follow the end of their fourth-year exams. The trip will correspond with Babel business. Ramy expects that they will go to China or India, as the East India Company has lost its monopoly in Canton, and hopes they can all visit his family in Calcutta. Robin is unsure if he wants to return to Canton though. They also consider whether they might be sent to a French-speaking country like Mauritius.
The four students are getting on better now that their exams are over, but have not really confronted the reasons why they fell out. It is the last of their golden days, as following their fourth-year exams they will start working and will probably not be a cohort any longer.
Samuel Morse, who has developed a working model of an electric telegraph, is persuaded to visit Babel and demonstrate his device. By July 1839, Babel has the first working telegraph line in England which connects it to the British Foreign Office in London. When people hear that Babel has a method of instant communication with London, clients queue up to send messages. Professor Playfair sees the potential for profit and sets up a telegraph office in the northwest wing of the lobby. The office is staffed by Babel students, who all have to learn Morse code and are given three-hour shifts each week providing free labour for the new office.
Robin is given the 9pm Sunday shift, but doesn’t mind because it’s not a busy time and he can usually spend it reading or doing coursework. He has a view out the window of the quad and High Street. One night during his shift, he sees two black-clad figures approaching the tower and realises it is Ramy and Victoire on Hermes business. He decides that approaching them could attract unwanted attention, so resolves to pretend for the moment that he didn’t see them, so as not to disturb their fragile equilibrium.
When Ramy and Victoire try to leave the tower, they set off one of the wards; Robin hears a shrieking, inhuman wail and dashes outside, where he finds them trapped in a glistening web of silvery string. They have dropped six silver bars, two old books and an engraving stylus, which are objects Babel scholars often take home with them, but the ward seems to be able to detect that their purposes were not legitimate. Robin is able to free his friends, but gets his own legs tangled in the web. Ramy and Victoire tell him that Anthony is alive and recruited them into Hermes; they have never heard of Griffin. Robin tells his friends to leave him, even though he is trapped; he reasons that he doesn’t know what is going on, so when he’s questioned he won’t be able to tell the police anything. Ramy and Victoire leave, and leave two silver bars with Robin so it will look like he was working alone.
The police apprehend Robin, and lead him to a small, windowless room in the Babel lobby that contains a single chair. There is a small grate in the door, and it resembles a jail cell. Robin expects to be expelled, and wonders if he will be sent to Newgate, hanged, or put on a ship to Canton. He thinks about the room where his mother died.
Professor Lovell enters the room, unlocks Robin’s handcuffs and leads him to his office on the seventh floor. He tells Robin he’s lucky that the police contacted him and not Professor Playfair, and bluntly asks him how long he’s been stealing for Hermes. Robin says three months, as he thinks that’s plausible but also less damning than admitting to three years. Professor Lovell calls him ungrateful, insults his family [interestingly, he says Robin’s mother was an outcast – I’m not sure what he means by this and would like to know more], and says Robin is privileged to be at Oxford with his tuition and accommodation all paid for along with a generous monthly allowance. He asks Robin if it was fun, and if he considers himself to be like a hero in one of his books à la Dick Turpin. Robin says he was trying to do the right thing, and that the way Babel hoards materials isn’t just, but he feels silly trying to explain it to Professor Lovell. The professor argues that Babel is not obligated to distribute silver bars to ‘backwards countries’ who have had every opportunity to construct their own centres of translation, and that it’s not Britain’s problem if “other nations fail to take advantage of what they have”.
Professor Lovell asks if Griffin Harley recruited Robin, and Robin flinches, which is basically a confession. The professor asks if Robin knows what happened to Eveline Brooke, and tells him that she was the best student Babel had ever had, but she was murdered by Griffin. He says that Evie was working late one night on the eighth floor five years ago and was caught up in her research. Griffin entered the tower at around 2am, but didn’t see Evie until he was leaving with some items he was stealing, and even though she didn’t raise the alarm, Griffin killed her. Robin notices that the professor is tearful as he says how he found Evie the next morning.
Professor Lovell shows Robin a worn silver bar, which Robin had noticed many times before but never asked about. The match-pair is has the Chinese radicals for fire and violence/cruelty/turbulence, translated against the English word ‘burst’; the translation is tame, so that the effect of the difference would create a destructive silver bar. When used, it exploded Evie’s ribcage open. Professor Lovell makes Robin hold the silver bar, and tells him that he knows it was Griffin who did it because there have been no other students in Chinese at Babel in the past ten years. Robin struggles to believe that Griffin would have murdered a defenceless girl, but also thinks about how Griffin describes the Babel faculty as enemy combatants.
Professor Lovell tells Robin that he has thrown his lot in with a liar and a killer, and reveals that he knew about the bullet Robin got in his arm. He tells Robin to choose between Babel and Hermes. Robin is surprised that he is not being expelled, but Professor Lovell says he strayed down the wrong path due to vicious influences and can be redeemed. However, he wants Robin to give him some useful information about Hermes. Robin genuinely doesn’t know any information about the organisation or its members, and he feels angry about being abandoned by the society which put him and his friends in danger. He tells the professor about the Hermes safe room in St Aldate’s church, but doesn’t know how often it is used or what is in there.
Professor Lovell tells Robin he is better than this, as he’s “less corrupted by his heritage” than Griffin, and that his talent deserves a second chance – although he won’t get a third chance. He tells Robin to keep the silver bar to remind him which side are the villains.
Interlude: Ramy
We get a bit of background on Ramy’s childhood in India. He was a clever child who soaked up languages, and he liked to show off. His family were Muslims who had lost land and holdings after the Permanent Settlement, but had found employment with Sir Horace Wilson, who took an interest in Ramy’s education. Ramy would perform memory tricks and reading in various languages for Wilson’s guests, which he took pride in at first as he had no understanding of class or race. When he was 12 years old, he was summoned to a heated debate by the guest Charles Trevelyan (*), who asked him to count in English, Latin and Greek. Ramy said he could talk about something more difficult, like algebra. Trevelyan talked about how fortunes rise and fall, and that Ramy’s father could not get a job better than a domestic servant despite his talents. Ramy saw a peculiar expression on his father’s face, but he said it was an honour to serve Sir Horace Wilson. Trevelyan got him to admit that he would rather a better position, and went on to tell the room that the Indians are ambitious. Ramy made himself scarce.
Two years later, when Wilson left India for Oxford, he took Ramy with him. Ramy’s parents knew better than to protest, and Ramy didn’t begrudge them this as he knew by then how dangerous it was to defy a white man. When he said farewell to his family at the docks, his mother told him to write regularly and to pray. His father told him to write to his mother, and not to forget who he is.
Ramy understood why his father had smiled during the conversation with Trevelyan; not out of weakness or submission, but because he was playing a part and showing the world what they wanted until he had a chance to seize control of the story. Ramy put on an act to navigate English society, changing his accent and his story depending on his audience. He became so good at it that he risked losing himself in the artifice, imagining himself in various post-Babel careers. But in his third year at Babel, when Anthony Ribben asked him to join Hermes, he said yes.
Chapter 16
Robin and Ramy don’t speak about the previous night’s incident on the way to class. The students receive notices to prepare to depart for Canton the day after next; they will spend two weeks in Canton, one week in Macau, and then stop in Mauritius for ten days on the way back. Their trip wasn’t supposed to take place until after their fourth-year exams, but the notices say it’s been moved due to a shortage of Chinese translators in Canton. Letty is pleased, but Robin, Ramy and Victoire are suspicious that it might be linked to the theft. The three of them can’t speak freely about the incident with Letty around. Robin tries to talk to Ramy about it, but Ramy says they should wait until they can include Victoire in the conversation.
Professor Lovell is their supervisor for the voyage. The students travel to London with him, and spend a night there in advance of their early morning departure on the ship to Canton. Their ship is an East India Company clipper called the Merope, which is fitted with silver bars to make the voyage faster; Robin remembers his journey from Canton to London ten years ago taking almost four months, whereas their trip will take just six weeks. Robin is a little apprehensive about returning to Canton although he can’t explain his discomfort; he also wonders whether it’s a ruse to exile him from Oxford.
The six weeks at sea are difficult. Ramy and Victoire are nervous and jumpy, and Robin wonders if Professor Lovell suspects their involvement in Hermes because they look so guilty. Robin wants to discuss it all with them, but Letty is always there. Letty finally realises that something is going on and confronts them one night at dinner after Professor Lovell leaves, but they dismiss her questions. Victoire blames seasickness, Ramy insults Letty’s voice, and Robin pretends he needs air and leaves.
Robin runs into Professor Lovell on the deck. The professor reminisces about their trip from Canton to London, and touches Robin on the shoulder, although it feels awkward. He tells Robin he believes in fresh starts, and admits that he could have been more sympathetic to Robin’s situation. He wants to clear the slate, be a better guardian to Robin, and think only of the future and the brilliant things Robin will achieve at Babel. Despite not being a large concession, Robin is surprised that Professor Lovell has acknowledged his feelings, and he agrees. Robin thinks about leaving Hermes and Griffin behind, and tries to convince himself that he’s happy with this.
A week into their trip, Letty claims to have an upset stomach and finally leaves the other three students alone which gives them a chance to discuss Hermes and the incident at Babel. Victoire asks who recruited Robin, and he tells them about Griffin being his half-brother who also may have killed Evie Brooke. They tell Robin that nobody has approached or questioned them about the incident.
Robin tells them he joined Hermes three years ago, during his first week at Oxford. Ramy is furious that Robin hadn’t told them about it or asked them to join. Robin feels this is unfair, as they also didn’t tell him they had joined Hermes, although Victoire says they had begged Anthony and were planning to tell him that Sunday. Robin says he didn’t want to put them at risk, but Ramy thinks that should have been their choice. Ramy says he didn’t come to Babel to be a translator for the queen, hates the way he is treated, and that he’s betraying his race and religion; he has been waiting for an opportunity like Hermes since he arrived in England.
Victoire tries to broker a peace, but Robin and Ramy insult each other; Ramy says Robin is too scared of his own shadow, while Robin says Ramy is careless and impulsive. Ramy asks Robin why he didn’t tell Victoire about Hermes then, and he doesn’t answer, although Victoire catches his meaning anyway. Ramy asks what Robin had to say to make the charges go away, and Robin admits he told Professor Lovell about the Hermes safe house. Ramy and Victoire are horrified that he betrayed Hermes, which Robin thinks is unfair as he thinks it was the only way to minimise the damage.
The rest of the voyage is miserable, with Ramy and Robin not speaking to each other. Victoire is polite to Robin but distant. Letty is still angry with them all. There are no other passengers on the ship, and the sailors aren’t interested in talking to Oxford scholars. Letty hasn’t figured out what’s going on, and tries talking to them individually. Ramy begins leaving the room when Letty appears, while Victoire can’t get away from her since they’re sharing a room and looks constantly tired and exasperated. Letty talks to Robin about Professor Lovell being his father and how it can’t be easy, and he relents a bit and engages in the conversation. She wonders why the professor won’t acknowledge Robin as his child, and says she sort of understands since her father doesn’t speak to her. She tells Robin she’s here for him if he needs it. She calls him Birdie, which Robin finds odd since that’s Ramy’s nickname for him, but he says thank you anyway.
The students have a lot of work to do during the voyage, and have to translate for sailors, go through shipping manifests and translate stolen correspondence from French traders and missionaries. Ramy, Victoire and Letty have three hours of Mandarin lessons per day so they will have a basic understanding by the time they arrive in Canton. They struggle with the Chinese, although Robin points out that they speak Cantonese rather than Mandarin in Canton anyway. In the evenings, Professor Lovell goes through their mission in Canton, which will be to negotiate on behalf of private trading companies such as Jardine, Matheson & Company. British merchants want free trade and for restrictions on imports such as opium to be lifted, but the Chinese are wary of foreign influences. Three previous British attempts to negotiate broader trading rights had failed, but Professor Lovell expects that their attempt will go better since they have Babel translators leading the talks which will prevent cultural miscommunication. He admits that traders have provoked local animosity, but thinks the tensions are fundamentally the fault of the Chinese because they think they’re superior and recognise no laws except their own. Letty asks if Professor Lovell would be in favour of violence, and he vehemently says yes.
The day before they dock at Canton, Professor Lovell tells Victoire and Letty to bind their chests and clip their hair above their ears so they can pretend to be men; foreign women are banned in Canton. He tells them that the Chinese treat women very badly and have no conception of chivalry, holding women in low esteem and often not permitting them to leave the house.
The next day, the students go on deck before sunrise to get their first glimpse of Canton. As it appears on the horizon, and Robin sees his homeland for the first time in a decade, Ramy asks Robin what he is thinking. It was the first time he’d spoken directly to Robin in weeks, and Ramy still wouldn’t look him in the eyes, but Robin knows that Ramy still cares. Robin tells him that he’s thinking about the Chinese character for dawn, and how it’s beautiful because it’s so simple, showing the sun coming up over the horizon.
* Bonus read runner rant
Irish people all know the name Trevelyan due to the Great Famine of the 1840s, and I had to check if the one Ramy encounters in India is the same fucking guy – unfortunately, it is! Note that at the time, the whole island of Ireland was a British colony. As assistant secretary to the treasury in the UK government, Charles Trevelyan was in charge of famine relief, but in his opinion: "The judgement of God sent the calamity to teach the Irish a lesson, that calamity must not be too much mitigated". As his Wikipedia page notes, his inaction and personal negative attitude towards the Irish people are widely believed to have slowed relief for the famine. A million people died.
The Trevelyan family made headlines earlier this year for a different reason. The family had owned six sugar plantations in Grenada in the 19th century and had over 1,000 African slaves; in February this year some of their descendants publicly apologised for this and gave £100,000 in reparations.
Bookclub Bingo 2023 categories: POC author or story, fantasy, big read, historical fiction
Other potentially useful links (although beware of spoilers):
Join us for the next discussion on Sunday 9th April, when we talk about Books 3 and 4, Chapters 17-21 [approx. 70 pages].
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Welcome to the fourth discussion of Babel by RF Kuang! We’re about halfway through the book now and things are getting very complicated for our characters.
Summary
Chapter 13
Robin doesn’t hear from Griffin again following his decision to leave Hermes. At first he’s nervous about leaving the organisation, but soon gets caught up with his third year exams and his mounting anxiety. One day he thinks he sees Anthony at a bookshop, but Anthony runs away when he sees Robin. Robin wonders if he was lied to about Anthony’s death or if he imagined the encounter, and decides the latter is more likely due to his exam stress.
The silver-working exam is the most dreaded, as the students need to attempt to produce an effect from silver before they’ve been shown the proper techniques. Cathy O’Nell gives Robin a helpful pamphlet on the basics, which he shares with his friends, and they look for cognates that might produce an effect. They also look through the Current Ledger, which lists the existing match-pairs used for silver-work. They begin to understand how certain innovations work, and Robin sees that many of the match-pairs are attributed to Professor Lovell. There are also a bunch attributed to Eveline Brooke, who seems to have been very prolific in coming up with match-pairs but suddenly stopped five years ago. They realise this must be Evie, whose desk Professor Playfair wouldn’t let anyone touch, and that she would have graduated the same year as Sterling Jones and Anthony (and Griffin, Robin thinks). They wonder if she was also lost at sea, which seems to happen a lot.
The exams go fairly smoothly for Robin. The silver-working exam was the last, and the students have to report to the exam room in half hour intervals. Letty goes first, but doesn’t speak to Robin afterwards as she leaves. Robin is next, and he shows Professor Chakravarti his prepared match-pair – the Mandarin word ‘míngbai’ meaning ‘to understand’, which is also loaded with imagery. He etches the words into the bar, and something pulses in the silver, producing a white sphere of light that envelops them both. Robin had not specified what type of understanding would be produced.
Ramy goes into the exam next, and Robin meets Letty outside where they share some lemon biscuits. Ramy joins them afterwards, and they discuss how they all got an effect from the silver. Victoire’s exam takes a long time, and she is upset when she emerges. She had used a Kreyòl-French match-pair that worked great, but Professor LeBlanc told her it wouldn’t be useful to anyone who doesn’t speak Kreyòl, and laughed at the idea of it being useful to Haitians. Letty asked if they let her try another pair in the exam, which annoys Victoire, although she did try again with a French-English pair that produced a weaker effect. They all passed the exam.
Chapter 14
Following their exams, the students have the summer off. University College is holding a commemoration ball, which only happens every three years, and despite the reluctance of the others Letty really wants them all to attend as she had attended in the past with her brother Lincoln. Robin and Ramy sign up to work the ‘silver shifts’, which means they get a free entry ticket in exchange for checking the silver bars used at the ball are working correctly.
At the ball, the decorations, food and entertainment are opulent. Victoire and Letty are dressed in beautiful gowns, which is much more feminine than their usual attire, and Robin notices that Letty is quite pretty and that Victoire “looks like starlight”. However, Colin Thornhill comes over to talk to them, and tries to give his empty glass to Victoire, thinking she’s staff even though he’s actually met her before. Letty tries to persuade Ramy to dance, but he refuses and she goes to dance with one of the Sharp brothers. Vincy Woolcombe asks Victoire to dance, and she accepts. Robin and Ramy linger awkwardly by the back wall, as their silver shift is finished but they find it difficult to mix with the other students. Robin asks Ramy why he wouldn’t dance with Letty, realising that Letty is attracted to Ramy, but Ramy says Robin knows why and they have a charged moment of eye contact.
This is cut short, however, by them realising that Letty and Victoire are in trouble – they are backed up against a wall and surrounded by a pack of leering boys, including Elton Pendennis and Vincy Woolcombe. Letty slaps Elton, who looks like he might hit her back, but Robin intervenes and tells the girls to leave with Ramy. It looks like it might turn into a fight, but Robin tells Elton he might get madeira on his white shirt, so Elton resorts to racial insults instead, and Robin leaves unscathed.
Outside the ball, Victoire downplays what just happened and asks Robin and Ramy to forget it. Ramy tells Letty that it’s her fault for persuading them to go and not listening to the others’ reasoning. Instead of going home, Ramy suggests going to Babel’s roof with a basket of food. However, when they get to the tower, they find a party is already underway with the Babel students and graduate fellows. They drink, they dance, and some of the graduates inscribe silver bars to create colours and scents. Robin later looks back on this night as a handful of pleasant memories of dancing, playing language games, and Ramy impersonating their professors. He also remembers sitting on the stairs with Letty as she cries about Ramy not seeing her in a romantic way.
After the party, Ramy and Robin walk Victoire and Letty home. They cut through the cemetery behind St Giles, and Letty sees a tombstone inscribed with the name Eveline Brooke and the dates 1813-1834. They realise it is Evie and that she’s been dead for five years. Robin suspects something awful must have happened to her, when he thinks about the contrast in the reaction to Evie’s death and Anthony’s death, the latter of which hardly left a trace at Babel.
Chapter 15
The four students all pass their exams, and are invited back to do their fourth undergraduate year at Babel. They have a happy summer with no pressing assignments, and are able to spend their time enjoying themselves. Queen Victoria’s coronation takes place near the end of June and many people travel to London to see it. Towards the end of the summer, the students visit London and see a show in Drury Lane, visit New Cut market, and see stalls selling counterfeit silver bars. Ramy is disappointed by the food at an ’authentick Indian’ curry house. The next day, on a walking tour of the city that ends at the Port of London, they see many ships from different countries and companies, and talk about where they might go the following year on the international voyage that will follow the end of their fourth-year exams. The trip will correspond with Babel business. Ramy expects that they will go to China or India, as the East India Company has lost its monopoly in Canton, and hopes they can all visit his family in Calcutta. Robin is unsure if he wants to return to Canton though. They also consider whether they might be sent to a French-speaking country like Mauritius.
The four students are getting on better now that their exams are over, but have not really confronted the reasons why they fell out. It is the last of their golden days, as following their fourth-year exams they will start working and will probably not be a cohort any longer.
Samuel Morse, who has developed a working model of an electric telegraph, is persuaded to visit Babel and demonstrate his device. By July 1839, Babel has the first working telegraph line in England which connects it to the British Foreign Office in London. When people hear that Babel has a method of instant communication with London, clients queue up to send messages. Professor Playfair sees the potential for profit and sets up a telegraph office in the northwest wing of the lobby. The office is staffed by Babel students, who all have to learn Morse code and are given three-hour shifts each week providing free labour for the new office.
Robin is given the 9pm Sunday shift, but doesn’t mind because it’s not a busy time and he can usually spend it reading or doing coursework. He has a view out the window of the quad and High Street. One night during his shift, he sees two black-clad figures approaching the tower and realises it is Ramy and Victoire on Hermes business. He decides that approaching them could attract unwanted attention, so resolves to pretend for the moment that he didn’t see them, so as not to disturb their fragile equilibrium.
When Ramy and Victoire try to leave the tower, they set off one of the wards; Robin hears a shrieking, inhuman wail and dashes outside, where he finds them trapped in a glistening web of silvery string. They have dropped six silver bars, two old books and an engraving stylus, which are objects Babel scholars often take home with them, but the ward seems to be able to detect that their purposes were not legitimate. Robin is able to free his friends, but gets his own legs tangled in the web. Ramy and Victoire tell him that Anthony is alive and recruited them into Hermes; they have never heard of Griffin. Robin tells his friends to leave him, even though he is trapped; he reasons that he doesn’t know what is going on, so when he’s questioned he won’t be able to tell the police anything. Ramy and Victoire leave, and leave two silver bars with Robin so it will look like he was working alone.
The police apprehend Robin, and lead him to a small, windowless room in the Babel lobby that contains a single chair. There is a small grate in the door, and it resembles a jail cell. Robin expects to be expelled, and wonders if he will be sent to Newgate, hanged, or put on a ship to Canton. He thinks about the room where his mother died.
Professor Lovell enters the room, unlocks Robin’s handcuffs and leads him to his office on the seventh floor. He tells Robin he’s lucky that the police contacted him and not Professor Playfair, and bluntly asks him how long he’s been stealing for Hermes. Robin says three months, as he thinks that’s plausible but also less damning than admitting to three years. Professor Lovell calls him ungrateful, insults his family [interestingly, he says Robin’s mother was an outcast – I’m not sure what he means by this and would like to know more], and says Robin is privileged to be at Oxford with his tuition and accommodation all paid for along with a generous monthly allowance. He asks Robin if it was fun, and if he considers himself to be like a hero in one of his books à la Dick Turpin. Robin says he was trying to do the right thing, and that the way Babel hoards materials isn’t just, but he feels silly trying to explain it to Professor Lovell. The professor argues that Babel is not obligated to distribute silver bars to ‘backwards countries’ who have had every opportunity to construct their own centres of translation, and that it’s not Britain’s problem if “other nations fail to take advantage of what they have”.
Professor Lovell asks if Griffin Harley recruited Robin, and Robin flinches, which is basically a confession. The professor asks if Robin knows what happened to Eveline Brooke, and tells him that she was the best student Babel had ever had, but she was murdered by Griffin. He says that Evie was working late one night on the eighth floor five years ago and was caught up in her research. Griffin entered the tower at around 2am, but didn’t see Evie until he was leaving with some items he was stealing, and even though she didn’t raise the alarm, Griffin killed her. Robin notices that the professor is tearful as he says how he found Evie the next morning.
Professor Lovell shows Robin a worn silver bar, which Robin had noticed many times before but never asked about. The match-pair is has the Chinese radicals for fire and violence/cruelty/turbulence, translated against the English word ‘burst’; the translation is tame, so that the effect of the difference would create a destructive silver bar. When used, it exploded Evie’s ribcage open. Professor Lovell makes Robin hold the silver bar, and tells him that he knows it was Griffin who did it because there have been no other students in Chinese at Babel in the past ten years. Robin struggles to believe that Griffin would have murdered a defenceless girl, but also thinks about how Griffin describes the Babel faculty as enemy combatants.
Professor Lovell tells Robin that he has thrown his lot in with a liar and a killer, and reveals that he knew about the bullet Robin got in his arm. He tells Robin to choose between Babel and Hermes. Robin is surprised that he is not being expelled, but Professor Lovell says he strayed down the wrong path due to vicious influences and can be redeemed. However, he wants Robin to give him some useful information about Hermes. Robin genuinely doesn’t know any information about the organisation or its members, and he feels angry about being abandoned by the society which put him and his friends in danger. He tells the professor about the Hermes safe room in St Aldate’s church, but doesn’t know how often it is used or what is in there.
Professor Lovell tells Robin he is better than this, as he’s “less corrupted by his heritage” than Griffin, and that his talent deserves a second chance – although he won’t get a third chance. He tells Robin to keep the silver bar to remind him which side are the villains.
Interlude: Ramy
We get a bit of background on Ramy’s childhood in India. He was a clever child who soaked up languages, and he liked to show off. His family were Muslims who had lost land and holdings after the Permanent Settlement, but had found employment with Sir Horace Wilson, who took an interest in Ramy’s education. Ramy would perform memory tricks and reading in various languages for Wilson’s guests, which he took pride in at first as he had no understanding of class or race. When he was 12 years old, he was summoned to a heated debate by the guest Charles Trevelyan (*), who asked him to count in English, Latin and Greek. Ramy said he could talk about something more difficult, like algebra. Trevelyan talked about how fortunes rise and fall, and that Ramy’s father could not get a job better than a domestic servant despite his talents. Ramy saw a peculiar expression on his father’s face, but he said it was an honour to serve Sir Horace Wilson. Trevelyan got him to admit that he would rather a better position, and went on to tell the room that the Indians are ambitious. Ramy made himself scarce.
Two years later, when Wilson left India for Oxford, he took Ramy with him. Ramy’s parents knew better than to protest, and Ramy didn’t begrudge them this as he knew by then how dangerous it was to defy a white man. When he said farewell to his family at the docks, his mother told him to write regularly and to pray. His father told him to write to his mother, and not to forget who he is.
Ramy understood why his father had smiled during the conversation with Trevelyan; not out of weakness or submission, but because he was playing a part and showing the world what they wanted until he had a chance to seize control of the story. Ramy put on an act to navigate English society, changing his accent and his story depending on his audience. He became so good at it that he risked losing himself in the artifice, imagining himself in various post-Babel careers. But in his third year at Babel, when Anthony Ribben asked him to join Hermes, he said yes.
Chapter 16
Robin and Ramy don’t speak about the previous night’s incident on the way to class. The students receive notices to prepare to depart for Canton the day after next; they will spend two weeks in Canton, one week in Macau, and then stop in Mauritius for ten days on the way back. Their trip wasn’t supposed to take place until after their fourth-year exams, but the notices say it’s been moved due to a shortage of Chinese translators in Canton. Letty is pleased, but Robin, Ramy and Victoire are suspicious that it might be linked to the theft. The three of them can’t speak freely about the incident with Letty around. Robin tries to talk to Ramy about it, but Ramy says they should wait until they can include Victoire in the conversation.
Professor Lovell is their supervisor for the voyage. The students travel to London with him, and spend a night there in advance of their early morning departure on the ship to Canton. Their ship is an East India Company clipper called the Merope, which is fitted with silver bars to make the voyage faster; Robin remembers his journey from Canton to London ten years ago taking almost four months, whereas their trip will take just six weeks. Robin is a little apprehensive about returning to Canton although he can’t explain his discomfort; he also wonders whether it’s a ruse to exile him from Oxford.
The six weeks at sea are difficult. Ramy and Victoire are nervous and jumpy, and Robin wonders if Professor Lovell suspects their involvement in Hermes because they look so guilty. Robin wants to discuss it all with them, but Letty is always there. Letty finally realises that something is going on and confronts them one night at dinner after Professor Lovell leaves, but they dismiss her questions. Victoire blames seasickness, Ramy insults Letty’s voice, and Robin pretends he needs air and leaves.
Robin runs into Professor Lovell on the deck. The professor reminisces about their trip from Canton to London, and touches Robin on the shoulder, although it feels awkward. He tells Robin he believes in fresh starts, and admits that he could have been more sympathetic to Robin’s situation. He wants to clear the slate, be a better guardian to Robin, and think only of the future and the brilliant things Robin will achieve at Babel. Despite not being a large concession, Robin is surprised that Professor Lovell has acknowledged his feelings, and he agrees. Robin thinks about leaving Hermes and Griffin behind, and tries to convince himself that he’s happy with this.
A week into their trip, Letty claims to have an upset stomach and finally leaves the other three students alone which gives them a chance to discuss Hermes and the incident at Babel. Victoire asks who recruited Robin, and he tells them about Griffin being his half-brother who also may have killed Evie Brooke. They tell Robin that nobody has approached or questioned them about the incident.
Robin tells them he joined Hermes three years ago, during his first week at Oxford. Ramy is furious that Robin hadn’t told them about it or asked them to join. Robin feels this is unfair, as they also didn’t tell him they had joined Hermes, although Victoire says they had begged Anthony and were planning to tell him that Sunday. Robin says he didn’t want to put them at risk, but Ramy thinks that should have been their choice. Ramy says he didn’t come to Babel to be a translator for the queen, hates the way he is treated, and that he’s betraying his race and religion; he has been waiting for an opportunity like Hermes since he arrived in England.
Victoire tries to broker a peace, but Robin and Ramy insult each other; Ramy says Robin is too scared of his own shadow, while Robin says Ramy is careless and impulsive. Ramy asks Robin why he didn’t tell Victoire about Hermes then, and he doesn’t answer, although Victoire catches his meaning anyway. Ramy asks what Robin had to say to make the charges go away, and Robin admits he told Professor Lovell about the Hermes safe house. Ramy and Victoire are horrified that he betrayed Hermes, which Robin thinks is unfair as he thinks it was the only way to minimise the damage.
The rest of the voyage is miserable, with Ramy and Robin not speaking to each other. Victoire is polite to Robin but distant. Letty is still angry with them all. There are no other passengers on the ship, and the sailors aren’t interested in talking to Oxford scholars. Letty hasn’t figured out what’s going on, and tries talking to them individually. Ramy begins leaving the room when Letty appears, while Victoire can’t get away from her since they’re sharing a room and looks constantly tired and exasperated. Letty talks to Robin about Professor Lovell being his father and how it can’t be easy, and he relents a bit and engages in the conversation. She wonders why the professor won’t acknowledge Robin as his child, and says she sort of understands since her father doesn’t speak to her. She tells Robin she’s here for him if he needs it. She calls him Birdie, which Robin finds odd since that’s Ramy’s nickname for him, but he says thank you anyway.
The students have a lot of work to do during the voyage, and have to translate for sailors, go through shipping manifests and translate stolen correspondence from French traders and missionaries. Ramy, Victoire and Letty have three hours of Mandarin lessons per day so they will have a basic understanding by the time they arrive in Canton. They struggle with the Chinese, although Robin points out that they speak Cantonese rather than Mandarin in Canton anyway. In the evenings, Professor Lovell goes through their mission in Canton, which will be to negotiate on behalf of private trading companies such as Jardine, Matheson & Company. British merchants want free trade and for restrictions on imports such as opium to be lifted, but the Chinese are wary of foreign influences. Three previous British attempts to negotiate broader trading rights had failed, but Professor Lovell expects that their attempt will go better since they have Babel translators leading the talks which will prevent cultural miscommunication. He admits that traders have provoked local animosity, but thinks the tensions are fundamentally the fault of the Chinese because they think they’re superior and recognise no laws except their own. Letty asks if Professor Lovell would be in favour of violence, and he vehemently says yes.
The day before they dock at Canton, Professor Lovell tells Victoire and Letty to bind their chests and clip their hair above their ears so they can pretend to be men; foreign women are banned in Canton. He tells them that the Chinese treat women very badly and have no conception of chivalry, holding women in low esteem and often not permitting them to leave the house.
The next day, the students go on deck before sunrise to get their first glimpse of Canton. As it appears on the horizon, and Robin sees his homeland for the first time in a decade, Ramy asks Robin what he is thinking. It was the first time he’d spoken directly to Robin in weeks, and Ramy still wouldn’t look him in the eyes, but Robin knows that Ramy still cares. Robin tells him that he’s thinking about the Chinese character for dawn, and how it’s beautiful because it’s so simple, showing the sun coming up over the horizon.
* Bonus read runner rant
Irish people all know the name Trevelyan due to the Great Famine of the 1840s, and I had to check if the one Ramy encounters in India is the same fucking guy – unfortunately, it is! Note that at the time, the whole island of Ireland was a British colony. As assistant secretary to the treasury in the UK government, Charles Trevelyan was in charge of famine relief, but in his opinion: "The judgement of God sent the calamity to teach the Irish a lesson, that calamity must not be too much mitigated". As his Wikipedia page notes, his inaction and personal negative attitude towards the Irish people are widely believed to have slowed relief for the famine. A million people died.
The Trevelyan family made headlines earlier this year for a different reason. The family had owned six sugar plantations in Grenada in the 19th century and had over 1,000 African slaves; in February this year some of their descendants publicly apologised for this and gave £100,000 in reparations.
Bookclub Bingo 2023 categories: POC author or story, fantasy, big read, historical fiction
Other potentially useful links (although beware of spoilers):
- Discussion schedule
- Marginalia
- The first discussion
- The second discussion
- Last week's discussion
- Babel on Wikipedia
- RF Kuang on Wikipedia
- Babel on Goodreads
- Babel on Storygraph
Join us for the next discussion on Sunday 9th April, when we talk about Books 3 and 4, Chapters 17-21 [approx. 70 pages].
2023.04.02 22:43 Farfener LINKS - Chapter 29 - Scions
CHAPTER 29 - Scions
Dodging a particularly large pothole in the road, Jace’s hound thundered towards the Order Chapter Keep at Red Lake. The air was thick with tendrils of mist and moisture that danced and whirled around one another like shreds of cloud. The sky was clear, the blackness of night slowly eaten away by a growing crimson glow in the east.
The hound Jace now rode was his fourth mount since departing from Lillyvale. The other three hounds had been left at various Order forts and outposts along the way, having been run at full speed until they nearly collapsed from exhaustion. Even for Jace, who had grown used to extended hound rides during his days in the Halcyon Militia, the ride had been a long and challenging one. Most of the roads were still under construction, or in constant danger of being consumed by the swamps.
The sleepy town of Cloyne sat at the base of the long winding road that led up to the Chapter Keep of the Lord’s Holy Order. The gravel road gave way to cobblestone as Jace entered the town, keeping his hound at full speed.
As he tore through the town, Jace’s passing startled several peace officers patrolling the streets. As they turned their lanterns upon him, the sigil of the Illuminant Chain emblazoned upon the back of Jace’s coat flashed back at the officers. Another would have been stopped, even arrested, for such reckless riding through the streets, but a mere glimpse of Jace’s sigil silenced any such notions.
The hound’s claws scrabbled on the cobblestones as it skidded to a stop before a solid wooden gate made from thick tree trunks that barred the path up to the fortress. A long wall of sharpened trunks, each easily four times Jace’s height, surrounded the base of the hill, on top of which sat the Red Lake Chapter Keep, the few lights on within glimmering like the failing stars in the sky. Two men with rifles stood before the gate, while another handful patrolled on the wall.
The larger of the two gate guards stepped forward. “State your name and business, sir.”
Steam rose from the panting hound’s back as Jace straightened in his saddle. “Alyard Jace, Agent of the Lord’s Holy Order and bound to the Illuminant Chain. My business is my own, now get out of my way.”
The guard quickly nodded and called out. “Open the gate!”
The Runic lock was deactivated and a trio of slaves pushed open the heavy wood and steel gate just enough for Jace to pass.
With a click of his tongue, Jace dug his spurs into the flanks of his hound. The beast leaped forward with a low growl and began up the long, winding path toward the Chapter Keep.
Trees flashed by, along with the odd defensive barricade. A few soldiers patrolled the road, all pausing to bow as Jace rode past without so much as a glance.
As he rode, Jace caught sight of a number of faded and tattered banners hanging alongside the road. He recognized them as pennants celebrating the Seventh Southern Crusade.
It was with bitter humour that Jace thought back to the celebrations that had accompanied the announcement of the crusade. More ambitious than any before, the Seventh Southern Crusade had intended to make Halcyon whole through a vast network of roads, railways, tunnels, canals, bridges, forts, trading posts, and docks. The crusade had been meant to solidify Halcyon’s position as the most powerful nation on the plane, greater even than the much older nations in the north, and bind the furthest most reaches of its territory together.
Though he had been just a boy, Jace still recalled the enormous parties, parades and dances organised to celebrate the great undertaking. Even the slaves had been given time away from their labours and invited to participate, in some small way, in some of the more minor ceremonies, all to give the illusion that all of Halcyon, master, and slaves alike, were excited to see their great destiny fulfilled at last.
The Order of the Crimson gift had created a vast and carefully coordinated breeding programme. The Order worked tirelessly, and thanks to their efforts, the number of pelt slaves in Halcyon nearly doubled in but a few years. Scores of expeditions, each bringing back tens of thousands of fresh slaves, had been launched to Plane Secundus. All told, the Order gathered together almost four million slaves, all of whom were set to the task of building infrastructure.
But the gargantuan task had proved to be far too ambitious, and well outside the capabilities of the men and women set to the task of organising the crusade. The breeding programs had led to shortages of food and supplies, while the newly arrived slaves from Plane Secondus, having not been born in Halcyon, suffered immensely from the heat and diseases. Those that didn’t succumb to the harsh conditions would resist their masters, and spread the malignant influence of their culture to the Halcyon born slaves. Mass culls became necessary just to maintain order, further slowing the Crusade’s progress and dealing crushing blows to the already low morale of masters and slaves both.
While the official records suggested that the slave population had been merely decimated by the crusade, Jace knew, both from secret reports and first-hand accounts from his comrades, that the true number of casualties was closer to two-thirds. What had been intended to be a ten-year effort was now entering its fifty-first year, with just over half of the projects it had set out to complete not even started.
As he rode, Jace could not help but wonder which would be allowed to die first: him, or the crusade.
The walls of the keep loomed above Jace as the main gate came into view. The smaller wicket gate at the base of the great steel monolith had already been opened in anticipation of Jace’s arrival. Racing through the gap, Jace found himself in the central courtyard of the Red Lake Chapter Keep.
The moment Jace’s hound slowed, a pair of slaves stepped forward to greet him. The first, a young male feline with the emblem of the Crimson Gift branded upon his chest, took hold of the hound's reins and bowed his head.
“Welcome to Red Lake Chapter House Master.” The young lad’s voice was dull, almost like he was in a trance.
Jace swung his legs over his saddle and dropped to the ground. “Take my hound to the stables, see to it she is watered and well fed.”
“As you command.”
“She’s run a long way and done her job well. Get her some real meat from the kitchens.”
“Yes Master.”
As the slaves led the panting hound away, Jace took a moment to stretch his back, and take in the impressive cathedral looming over him in the centre of the keep.
A colossal edifice of rock and concrete, the Red Lake Chapter Keep had been built to serve as a demonstration of the Order’s power to the people of the south. Twisting spires, studded with stained glass windows, rose high above the four-metre-thick stone walls. The central keep was built in the shape of a seven-point star, the walls built from solid granite. The cathedral itself bore on its south-facing wall a massive relief of the Lord. Her sword, fashioned from solid brass, was drawn and held aloft above the courtyard, a promise of protection to her faithful servants, and a potent threat to those who stood against them.
Despite the early morning hour, the keep’s slaves were already hard at work. Unlike the wretches Jace had witnessed in Flinton Valley, the slaves that worked within the keep were properly fed and carefully groomed, as befit their meagre station. Some of them tended the vast rose gardens that ringed the perimeter of the courtyard, while others worked to polish the stone walkways and pillars. Their movements were somewhat slow, even clumsy, a side effect of the powerful control collars that they wore. The more powerful collars guaranteed a higher level of compliance but also had the effect of blunting their wearer’s mind.
“Alyard! My old friend!”
Jace turned, his lips cracking into a smile at the sight of the man striding across the courtyard toward him.
“Nicholas, so this is where they stuck you.”
Nicholas Welch was a tall man, though his pronounced slouch made him appear far shorter than he really was. His long, flowing black hair, tinged with grey, was tied into a ponytail at the back of his neck. Rough stubble dotted his jaw, save for a scar that ran across the right side of his face and down his throat. His red vest was only halfway buttoned up, the brass clasps clattering against each other as he walked.
Behind Nicholas, staying a respectful few steps behind, was a young pelt, a vixen, with striking indigo eyes, and fur that was as red as the setting sun. She stared at Jace with open curiosity for a few moments, before lowering her head and averting her eyes.
With a hearty chuckle, Nicholas opened his arms and pulled Jace into a hug.
“It is good to see you again. What’s it been, six, seven years?”
“Seven at least.” Jace returned Nicholas’s hug before stepping back. “Far too long, my friend.”
“With distance does fondness grow. You’ll soon be sick of me again.” Nicholas clapped Jace on the back. “Now, come inside. We’ll have a drink, catch up a little.”
Jace shook his head. “Apologies, but I have business to attend to. I-”
Ignoring his friend’s words, Nicholas grabbed hold of Jace’s arm. “Come on, I told Olia to get some coffee brewing, and I'm fairly certain I smelled fresh biscuits.”
“W-well I… I suppose I could visit, for a short time.”
“Brilliant!” Nicholas grinned. “Come, follow me.”
***
While most of the Red Lake Chapter Keep was as austere and imposing inside as it was outside, Nicholas Welch’s quarters were surprisingly casual.
Large armchairs and soft sofas sat upon a rich red carpet in the lounge. The walls were covered in shelves, upon which sat hundreds of small trinkets, odds and ends collected over Nicholas’s long military career. A glass case filled with a variety of ostentatious medals sat gathering dust in the corner of the room. Multicoloured tapestries and lengths of cloth hung from the walls and ceiling, while the space near the windows was full of large, exotic plants in colourful painted pots.
Jace sighed in relief as he dropped into one of the large armchairs that were placed in front of the fireplace. Every bone in his body ached from the long ride, and powerful fatigue pulled at his every fibre.
As Jace settled into his seat, an ancient female canine shuffled towards him, bearing a steaming mug.
“Coffee, Mr. Alyard.”
Jace looked up at the old canine and shook his head. “Olia! By the Lord herself… when Nicholas said your name, I thought for certain he was simply losing his mind. How in all ten layers of damnation are you still alive?”
The old canine scoffed as she handed the steaming mug to Jace, her old hand shaking a little. “You’re one to talk, you’ve gotten a lot greyer since the last time I saw you.”
Jace took the mug and smelled the coffee within. Looking up at the old canine, he smiled. “It’s good to see you Olia.”
With a short grunt, Olia turned and began shuffling back towards the kitchen.
Jace couldn’t help but chuckle as Nicholas dropped into the chair beside him. “I can’t believe she is still around… she was old when we were young! The unit commander thought you were mad when you said you wanted to buy her.” He shook his head as he glanced over his shoulder at the kitchen. “What kind of witchcraft could be keeping that ancient creature alive.”
“Not witchcraft my friend, merely a steadfast and determined will to outlive me. That, and I think her work with my ‘projects’ sustains her.”
“Speaking of…” Jace looked to the vixen, who was standing a short distance behind Nicholas’s chair, hands folded politely in front of her. “I see you have a new one.”
Immediately the vixen shrank back a little, shifting as if to take cover behind Nicholas, her tail curling between her legs.
“Hmmm? Oh yes! I bought her about… oh… about a year back now I think.”
“What about Tabit?”
“Sold him to a lovely family outside of Bordenwood. Old money sort, needed a hand round the house keeping up with things.” Nicholas leaned forward and pressed a rune on the wall beside the fireplace. In an instant, a burst of flame engulfed the wood.
“I actually paid him a visit last year.” Nicholas continued, reaching into his vest and pulling out a pipe. “They’re pleased with him, and he seemed quite happy. Apparently, they’ve even had him out to stud a few times. Shoulda seen the pleased look on his face when he told me about that, the lucky bastard.”
“And this new one?”
“Executioner buddy of mine in Harlowe sent me a message about this real pretty vulpine that was caught pickpocketing and was due to be drowned. I needed something to do, he needed the cash, so I bought her.”
“She is certainly… a fine specimen.”
Nicholas looked over his shoulder at the vixen and smiled fondly. “She’s still rough around the edges, but she’s got a good heart, good head, and she’s learning.”
“Thank you master.” The vixen said softly, bowing her head.
“Good girl. Why don’t you come over here and introduce yourself to my friend.”
With some hesitation, the vixen stepped forward and approached Jace’s chair. “It is a great honour to meet you sir,” she said, dropping to her knees, placing her hands upon her chest and bowing her head. “If it please you sir, my name is Taelow, and I am at your service.”
Jace nodded. “Indeed. My name is Alyard Jace, Agent of the Illuminant Chain. You may refer to me as Master Jace.”
“As you command, Master Jace.” Taelow got back to her feet, keeping her head bowed.
As Taelow turned to leave, Nicholas leaned forward in his seat and poked at her with the end of his pipe. “Ah ah, what did you forget?”
Immediately Taelow stopped and turned back to Jace. “Please forgive me sir, I-I mean Master Jace. Is there anything I may do to serve you?”
“Not right now, no.” Jace smiled and nodded. “You are dismissed, young one.”
“There you go, very good Taelow.” Nicholas smiled proudly as he gently scratched her between the ears. “Just gotta remember to ask permission before you leave.”
“Yes master, sorry master.”
“S’all good, you’ll get it next time.”
Leaning back and puffing away on his pipe, Nicholas gestured towards the kitchen. “Why don’t you go help Olia. Good girl.”
Jace shook his head as he watched Taelow retreat to the kitchen. “Well she certainly needs some work, but there is potential there.”
“She’s really very sweet. A bit nervous, but then that’s vulpines for you. And her colour, by the Lord! Can you believe they were just going to drown her? Shameful, utterly shameful.”
“It’s the law.”
“Mhmm.”
Jace leaned forward in his chair. “You act more like she is your daughter, than your slave.”
Nicholas’ cheek twitched ever so slightly. “So long as I don’t interfere with folks in their ways, I see no reason for them to interfere with mine.”
“That’s not a denial.”
“Wasn’t meant to be. I’m fond of her, what of it?”
“Truth be told, I don’t know how you get away with this sorta thing. If a cardinal saw you treating her like that, they’d have a fit.”
“Well you did always say I had a silver tongue. Guess the Cardinals just got tired of me running canonical rings around them.” Nicholas shrugged, offering a pouch of tobacco to Jace. “Besides, I always make sure the Order gets their cut when I sell them, so they ain’t got no right to complain..”
Jace leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his coffee. “I understand why you do it, but it is still dangerous. What if someone puts in an avowal against you.”
“Yes, what a tragedy that would be.” Nicholas turned and gestured to a stack of parchment rolls on his desk.
“Lord’s bones, are those all-”
“Freshest one is from three days ago,” Nicholas chuckled, fiddling with his pipe. “Taelow forgot her collar when she went to get water.”
Jace’s eyes widened. “You let her walk around without a collar!”
“Not outside the fortress, give me some credit. Anyways, some wet-behind-the-ears clerk from the Silver Scales saw her and got his spurs stuck up his behind. He chased her down and hit her with a switch. I didn’t like that, so we had a little chat, and I broke the switch over his head. Nearly knocked one of his eyes loose apparently.”
“Nick, that's insane!”
Nicholas waved his hand. “It’s fine.”
“What if someone claims you are a pelt sympathiser, or some kind of abolitionist?”
“How can I be an abolitionist when I produce the best-behaved and loyal slaves in the south. ‘Sides, if she steps outta line, and she does from time to time, I punish her. Suppose I just don’t see any reason to scare her, or to mark up that beautiful coat of hers with scars.”
Jace stared at his friend for a few moments, before slowly breaking into a hearty chuckle. “You haven't changed at all.”
“And I am much pleased to hear it.”
“Still, I’d hate to see you become the subject of some kind of inquiry.”
Nicholas started to answer, but paused as Olia and Taelow emerged from the kitchen. Olia carried a steaming basket covered with a towel, while Taelow carried a pot of coffee in one hand and a bowl of wild berries in the other.
“Ah, splendid.” Nicholas clapped his hands as Olia placed the basket on the table between himself and Jace. “Cream?”
“You don’t need cream,” Olia chided. “They’re buttered, that’s enough. Eat like a king and you’ll get fat like one.”
“Fair enough.”
Olia nodded and gestured for Taelow to follow her. “Come, I have some chores for you to do.”
“I’m fond of her too, but you really do let Olia get away with too much.” Jace chuckled as Olia and Taelow returned to the kitchen. “And letting a vulpine wander without a collar… you truly are mad.”.
Nicholas didn’t respond immediately, instead staring into the fire as he puffed away on his pipe.
After a time, he set his pipe down and turned to look at Jace. “So, it’s obvious you didn’t ride straight from Flinton valley to check up on me and my hobby.”
Nicholas raised an eyebrow as Jace remained silent.
“In fact, I rather suspect that your visit has something to do with that pup they saddled you with? What was his name? Dannid? Dabble?”
“Dallet.”
“Ah yes.”
Jace folded his fingers in front of his face. “Dallet is indeed part of the problem. I assume you heard about the rebel cell we put down?”
“Mhmm.”
“Ever since we dealt with that issue, he’s been on a tear. He’s whipped the people into a frenzy, and he is more than happy to give them the blood they want.”
“Sounds like a charmer.”
Jace’s eyes narrowed. “I understand the need to instil fear, especially when there has, indeed, been rebel activity. But he’s squeezing too hard. He wants more violence, and I suspect he feels that said violence might be his path to a promotion..”
“And you can’t stop him?”
“I’ve reached out to a few friends, seeing if I could get him recalled, or at least moved somewhere where he can’t do as much harm. I have received the same answer each time.”
“And I imagine they all read as some variation of: ‘no can do’.”
Jace’s face darkened. “I don’t understand. The boy isn’t from a noble house, he doesn’t have money, so why are our colleagues so afraid to touch him?”
Nicholas scratched his chin with the stem of his pipe. “I don’t know the lad from a hole in the dirt m’self, but… I have heard a few disturbing rumours.”
As a heavy pall fell over the room, Jace leaned forwards, staring at his old friend. “It was no accident that you were there in the courtyard when I arrived, was it?”
Nicholas shook his head slowly. “No, no it was not. I know you’ve sent a number of letters, expressing your concerns about your partner… and I wanted to warn you”
“Warn me?”
With a heavy sigh, Nicholas pushed himself out of his seat and stepped over to the roaring fire.
Staring into the flames, Nicholas spoke, his voice low. “There are those that think that the Order has grown soft and complacent. Slave uprisings have nearly doubled in the last ten years, war with the Federation is all but a certainty at this point, and there are whispers that the drought in the south is worse than the federals are saying. With all this in mind, the people are demanding strong leadership.”
Jace raised an eyebrow. “And the Order isn’t providing?”
“Apparently not.”
“That’s utter hound shit.”
“Agreed, but Archbishop Dellward is concerned, and she’s begun looking for new talent.”
“Hardliners.”
Nicholas nodded. “Nothing appeals to frightened people more than zealotry. The Archbishop believes they are the future of the Order, that they will sweep away old elements like you or I. They call them ‘The Red Scions’, and a great deal of effort has been put into placing them in positions of power.”
“And you believe that Dallet is one of these… ‘scions’?”
“I may have heard his name bandied about, especially after the news regarding that rebel cell you put down. He’s just the kind of fella they are looking for: young, radical, and with a talent for bloodshed if I’m not mistaken.”
“He does indeed have a… penchant for spilling blood.” Jace stroked his beard. “What about Bishop Lewis?
Nicholas stared down at a biscuit, turning it around and around in his hand. “You think that Lewis has the stones to go against Dellward? Nah, he’s in this effort up to the hilt. You’ve heard he intends to make the journey to Flinton to offer his thanks and congratulations.”
Jace’s eyes narrowed, just a little. “Yes, I have.”
“Well, word has it, he plans to issue a promotion to you little ‘scion’, a big one.”
“Cleric?”
“Word has it, he means to make him a paladin.”
“That would be a horrible mistake.” Jace shook his head. “Dallet is… dangerous.”
“That’s just the problem.” Nicholas’s eyes narrowed. “Dangerous may be just what the bishop is looking for.”
***
“All I’m sayin is, the Windhill brat ain’t been following canon for some time.” Comb leaned forward, smoke curling about his face as his eyes darted across the faces of the dozen overseers sitting on the other side of the breakfast fire.
“We been here, running this place, while he’s off doing Lord knows what with that little pet of his.”
“We’re doing our jobs,” Sally replied, popping the last piece of toast into her mouth before passing her plate over to her cat, sitting patiently beside her. “Windhill wants to go galavanting off for a few seasons, that’s his own business.”
“‘Sides, t’ain’t much going on these days no how. Season’s been a complete wash this year,” Another overseer commented between puffs on her cigarette.
“Ain’t no guarantee he’ll be back before harvest season though,” Another spoke up between spoonfuls of baked beans. “Truth being told, it is a mite troubling that he’s so interested in that pelt of his.”
An older overseer scoffed as he tossed his plate down with a loud clatter. “Maybe the ‘princess’ should have a little accident when she gets back? One bite from a swamp lance, and suddenly we ain’t gotta tiptoe around her no more.”
“You best be watching your mouth,” Another overseer snapped, glaring at Cald. “You get caught doing something like that and Windhill would have you strung up over a fire not ten seconds ‘fore he would send the lot of us packing.”
Cald opened his mouth to snap back, but a threatening growl from Sally’s hunting cat made him think twice.
“Can we go one mornin’ without you lot clucking away like a bunch of hens about the boss?” Sally asked, stroking the head of her cat. “We got a job to do.”
“An’ so does Windhill.” Comb got to his feet, gesturing around the fire. “It’s bad enough we have to sleep in these bloody cabins like rats while he and that pelt of his sleep in big ol’ beds.”
“Don’t like it yer free to look fer another job.”
“But why should I? Why should any of us? We been loyal, to Windhill and the canon, all while he treats his pet like she’s a wife. He ignores the law, he ignores his duty, and he ignores what need t’be done t’ keep the pelts in line.”
The youngest of the overseers, Lee, nodded in agreement. “Y’know what? Comb’s right.”
“All while Snyder is off getting his cock sucked by that slave of his he thinks none of us know about.” Comb looked at the assembled faces again. “So I’m thinkin… maybe we could run this place better.”
“What in damnation are you talking about?” Sally demanded, resting her hand on the handle of her revolver.
“I’m suggesting that we send Windhill packing, get rid of that little pet of his, and take this place for ourselves.”
“And that is enough of that.”
The various overseers sitting around the fire all looked up in surprise as Snyder stepped out from behind one of the nearby cabins.
Comb’s eyes narrowed as he got to his feet. “Well, look who found time to join the conversation.”
“I’m not here to join your conversation, I’m here to end it.” Snyder glanced at the other overseers. “All of you, get to work, now.”
Sally and a few others got to their feet and immediately left, but Comb, Cald, Lee, and a few others stood fast.
“That wasn’t a suggestion.” Snyder’s eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms. “To work, all of you, now.”
Cald turned and spat into the fire. “Well we ain’t done talking yet.”
“Cald’s right,” Lee agreed with a nod. “This is important.”
“Boy, the one reason you ain’t over my knee right now is cause I’m not in the habit of humiliating little boys in front of men. So, I’m tellin’ you, one last time, get to work.”
“Nah, we all know what you like when it comes to boys, now don’t we.” Comb’s face twisted into a sneer. “What would poor Mary and little Annie think if they knew what their father got up to with the pelt’s round here.”
“And that, Thomas, was you crossing the line.” Snyder placed his hand on his gun.
“Y’know we’re telling the truth here, don’tcha?” Comb stepped forward, gesturing at the overseers standing behind him. “Windhill ain’t the boss his father was. An’ the longer we stay here with our thumbs up our asses, or our cocks out, the worse things will get.”
Synder nodded once. “It is true, Master Windhill is not his father. If Master Edouard were still alive, he would have had you shot for talking like you were, but I suspect Master Luke will be more than satisfied with this instead,” Snyder raised his chin, “Thomas Comb, you’re fired.”
For a moment Comb was silent, before with a chuckle he shook his head. “Yer outta yer mind. You ain’t got the authority or stones to fire me.”
“Authority? Just who do you suspect Master Luke left in charge while he was gone?” Snyder’s eyes narrowed. “You’re fired Thomas, so grab your kit and get out, before I have you dragged out.”
“Oh yeah?” Comb rested his hand on his gun. “And what if I say I ain’t fired?”
A series of loud clicks rang out and four other overseers, including Sally, stepped out from behind the same cabin as Snyder, guns in hand. Immediately Cald, Lee and the others, all except Comb, raised their hands.
Comb shook his head slowly, hate burning in his eyes as he glared at Snyder. “You can’t do this,”
Snyder’s expression didn’t change as he met Comb’s gaze evenly. “You have twenty-five years of experience, you’ll not have a problem landing on yer feet and finding another job. If you leave peacefully, I’ll even see to it that you’re paid what you are owed for the rest of the season.”
“Now hold on just a second here,” Cald interrupted, stepping up beside Comb. “Tom’s just speaking the truth here, yeh can’t-”
“Cald, is it?” Snyder nodded. “You’re fired as well. Grab your things and get out of here, or I’ll have you shot as a trespasser.”
Cald started to speak, but in a flash, Snyder drew his weapon and fired into the ground between Cald’s feet.
“Anybody else?” Snyder glanced around. “Lee? Emmit? Sinclair? Anyone else want to find a new job today?”
Slowly the others backed off, raising their hands.
“Good. Now go get to work. And if I hear so much as a whisper about this, I ain’t likely to be so generous next time.”
“You know that I’m speaking the truth.” Comb’s hands curled into fists. “The Windhill brat’s been ignoring the canon every chance he gets since his pop ended up in the ground!”
Snyder raised an eyebrow. “You want to talk about canon? ‘And it shall be known, by beast and bird, by water and stone, by human and non, that there shall be no sin held in greater contempt than treachery. In its wake, mountains shall be sundered, rivers divided, houses brought low, crowns broken and bent, and all the blood of the world spilt. And so, if treachery is visited upon you, thou shalt respond with death, death alone, death such that the sky itself shall weep in ecstatic horror’; chapter one verse two.”
“You’re trying to betray master Windhill. Now, you can pack your shit and leave, or we can go the canonical route.” Snyder’s eyes narrowed as his grip on his gun tightened. “So, what’s it to be?”
***
By the time both Comb and Cald’s hounds were saddled and making their way off the Windhill property, Fray and Keeli were working to trim one of the large azalea bushes that grew alongside the main drive. Behind Comb and Cald were three other overseers with rifles drawn, led by Sally and her cat.
“What’s going on?” Keeli asked, glancing over at Vali, who was standing nearby, as the hounds trotted past.
“Comb got himself fired,” Vali whispered back, gesturing at two other slaves to keep working instead of gawking.
“Fired?” Fray raised an eyebrow as she heaved a basket of cuttings onto her back. “I didn’t think Comb could do anything to get fired?”
Vali was unable to stop a small smile from crossing her face as she glanced over at the hounds. “Apparently he was talking about trying to take over the ranch.”
Keeli’s ears perked up. “Take over?”
“Yeah, something about Master Windhill not following the canon. Apparently, Snyder sent him packing.”
“I won’t miss him,” Keeli whispered. “He was always so cruel…”
“You’ll never have to worry about him touching you again.” Fray smiled.
As Keeli turned to glance at the hounds, she saw that Comb and Cald had stopped at the front gate.
***
“You know Snyder can’t do this.” Comb snarled, glaring at Sally as she and two other overseers positioned themselves to block any attempt to return through the front gate.
“Funny, cause it seems to me he just did,” Sally replied, a sneering grin crossing her face. “You were warned Tom, Snyder warned yah, I warned yah, but you just couldn't keep yer yap shut.”
In a rage, Comb’s hand flashed down to his gun, but with a flick of her finger, Sally activated her rifle’s spark rune and aimed at Comb. Her hunting cat also let out a yowling hiss and made ready to pounce.
“Now now, no need fer long goodbyes.” Sally’s voice was soft, yet the threat within it was crystal clear. “So do us all a favour, and get out of here before something truly unpleasant happens.”
The next few seconds felt like years as Comb considered his options. Finally, with a furious growl, he shoved his pistol back in its holster.
“Good boy. Now, scram.”
“Stuck up bitch.” Cald spat at Sally. Turning his hound he nodded at Comb. “Come on, let’s go.”
Casting one more hateful glance at Sally, Comb turned his hound. As he did, he caught sight of Keeli, staring at him.
For a moment, the lapine looked as if she would retreat in fear as their eyes met. But, as Keeli stared at Comb, she haltingly raised a hand and waggled her fingers at him.
‘Bye-bye.’ She mouthed, a grin working its way across her face.
The sight of Keeli taunting him filled Comb with a rage that just about pushed him into going for his gun again. The only thing that stopped him was Cald calling out to him.
“Oi, let’s go get a drink huh?”
With a final snarl at Sally, Comb turned his hound towards the road and nodded. “Yeah, let’s do that.”
***
“Keeli? Is everything alright?”
Keeli jumped a little as Fray put a hand on her shoulder. “Huh? Oh… yes.”
Lowering her arm, Keeli looked back at Fray, and for the first time in a long time, a genuine smile crossed her face. “Everything is just fine.”
***
END OF CHAPTER 29
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Dodging a particularly large pothole in the road, Jace’s hound thundered towards the Order Chapter Keep at Red Lake. The air was thick with tendrils of mist and moisture that danced and whirled around one another like shreds of cloud. The sky was clear, the blackness of night slowly eaten away by a growing crimson glow in the east.
The hound Jace now rode was his fourth mount since departing from Lillyvale. The other three hounds had been left at various Order forts and outposts along the way, having been run at full speed until they nearly collapsed from exhaustion. Even for Jace, who had grown used to extended hound rides during his days in the Halcyon Militia, the ride had been a long and challenging one. Most of the roads were still under construction, or in constant danger of being consumed by the swamps.
The sleepy town of Cloyne sat at the base of the long winding road that led up to the Chapter Keep of the Lord’s Holy Order. The gravel road gave way to cobblestone as Jace entered the town, keeping his hound at full speed.
As he tore through the town, Jace’s passing startled several peace officers patrolling the streets. As they turned their lanterns upon him, the sigil of the Illuminant Chain emblazoned upon the back of Jace’s coat flashed back at the officers. Another would have been stopped, even arrested, for such reckless riding through the streets, but a mere glimpse of Jace’s sigil silenced any such notions.
The hound’s claws scrabbled on the cobblestones as it skidded to a stop before a solid wooden gate made from thick tree trunks that barred the path up to the fortress. A long wall of sharpened trunks, each easily four times Jace’s height, surrounded the base of the hill, on top of which sat the Red Lake Chapter Keep, the few lights on within glimmering like the failing stars in the sky. Two men with rifles stood before the gate, while another handful patrolled on the wall.
The larger of the two gate guards stepped forward. “State your name and business, sir.”
Steam rose from the panting hound’s back as Jace straightened in his saddle. “Alyard Jace, Agent of the Lord’s Holy Order and bound to the Illuminant Chain. My business is my own, now get out of my way.”
The guard quickly nodded and called out. “Open the gate!”
The Runic lock was deactivated and a trio of slaves pushed open the heavy wood and steel gate just enough for Jace to pass.
With a click of his tongue, Jace dug his spurs into the flanks of his hound. The beast leaped forward with a low growl and began up the long, winding path toward the Chapter Keep.
Trees flashed by, along with the odd defensive barricade. A few soldiers patrolled the road, all pausing to bow as Jace rode past without so much as a glance.
As he rode, Jace caught sight of a number of faded and tattered banners hanging alongside the road. He recognized them as pennants celebrating the Seventh Southern Crusade.
It was with bitter humour that Jace thought back to the celebrations that had accompanied the announcement of the crusade. More ambitious than any before, the Seventh Southern Crusade had intended to make Halcyon whole through a vast network of roads, railways, tunnels, canals, bridges, forts, trading posts, and docks. The crusade had been meant to solidify Halcyon’s position as the most powerful nation on the plane, greater even than the much older nations in the north, and bind the furthest most reaches of its territory together.
Though he had been just a boy, Jace still recalled the enormous parties, parades and dances organised to celebrate the great undertaking. Even the slaves had been given time away from their labours and invited to participate, in some small way, in some of the more minor ceremonies, all to give the illusion that all of Halcyon, master, and slaves alike, were excited to see their great destiny fulfilled at last.
The Order of the Crimson gift had created a vast and carefully coordinated breeding programme. The Order worked tirelessly, and thanks to their efforts, the number of pelt slaves in Halcyon nearly doubled in but a few years. Scores of expeditions, each bringing back tens of thousands of fresh slaves, had been launched to Plane Secundus. All told, the Order gathered together almost four million slaves, all of whom were set to the task of building infrastructure.
But the gargantuan task had proved to be far too ambitious, and well outside the capabilities of the men and women set to the task of organising the crusade. The breeding programs had led to shortages of food and supplies, while the newly arrived slaves from Plane Secondus, having not been born in Halcyon, suffered immensely from the heat and diseases. Those that didn’t succumb to the harsh conditions would resist their masters, and spread the malignant influence of their culture to the Halcyon born slaves. Mass culls became necessary just to maintain order, further slowing the Crusade’s progress and dealing crushing blows to the already low morale of masters and slaves both.
While the official records suggested that the slave population had been merely decimated by the crusade, Jace knew, both from secret reports and first-hand accounts from his comrades, that the true number of casualties was closer to two-thirds. What had been intended to be a ten-year effort was now entering its fifty-first year, with just over half of the projects it had set out to complete not even started.
As he rode, Jace could not help but wonder which would be allowed to die first: him, or the crusade.
The walls of the keep loomed above Jace as the main gate came into view. The smaller wicket gate at the base of the great steel monolith had already been opened in anticipation of Jace’s arrival. Racing through the gap, Jace found himself in the central courtyard of the Red Lake Chapter Keep.
The moment Jace’s hound slowed, a pair of slaves stepped forward to greet him. The first, a young male feline with the emblem of the Crimson Gift branded upon his chest, took hold of the hound's reins and bowed his head.
“Welcome to Red Lake Chapter House Master.” The young lad’s voice was dull, almost like he was in a trance.
Jace swung his legs over his saddle and dropped to the ground. “Take my hound to the stables, see to it she is watered and well fed.”
“As you command.”
“She’s run a long way and done her job well. Get her some real meat from the kitchens.”
“Yes Master.”
As the slaves led the panting hound away, Jace took a moment to stretch his back, and take in the impressive cathedral looming over him in the centre of the keep.
A colossal edifice of rock and concrete, the Red Lake Chapter Keep had been built to serve as a demonstration of the Order’s power to the people of the south. Twisting spires, studded with stained glass windows, rose high above the four-metre-thick stone walls. The central keep was built in the shape of a seven-point star, the walls built from solid granite. The cathedral itself bore on its south-facing wall a massive relief of the Lord. Her sword, fashioned from solid brass, was drawn and held aloft above the courtyard, a promise of protection to her faithful servants, and a potent threat to those who stood against them.
Despite the early morning hour, the keep’s slaves were already hard at work. Unlike the wretches Jace had witnessed in Flinton Valley, the slaves that worked within the keep were properly fed and carefully groomed, as befit their meagre station. Some of them tended the vast rose gardens that ringed the perimeter of the courtyard, while others worked to polish the stone walkways and pillars. Their movements were somewhat slow, even clumsy, a side effect of the powerful control collars that they wore. The more powerful collars guaranteed a higher level of compliance but also had the effect of blunting their wearer’s mind.
“Alyard! My old friend!”
Jace turned, his lips cracking into a smile at the sight of the man striding across the courtyard toward him.
“Nicholas, so this is where they stuck you.”
Nicholas Welch was a tall man, though his pronounced slouch made him appear far shorter than he really was. His long, flowing black hair, tinged with grey, was tied into a ponytail at the back of his neck. Rough stubble dotted his jaw, save for a scar that ran across the right side of his face and down his throat. His red vest was only halfway buttoned up, the brass clasps clattering against each other as he walked.
Behind Nicholas, staying a respectful few steps behind, was a young pelt, a vixen, with striking indigo eyes, and fur that was as red as the setting sun. She stared at Jace with open curiosity for a few moments, before lowering her head and averting her eyes.
With a hearty chuckle, Nicholas opened his arms and pulled Jace into a hug.
“It is good to see you again. What’s it been, six, seven years?”
“Seven at least.” Jace returned Nicholas’s hug before stepping back. “Far too long, my friend.”
“With distance does fondness grow. You’ll soon be sick of me again.” Nicholas clapped Jace on the back. “Now, come inside. We’ll have a drink, catch up a little.”
Jace shook his head. “Apologies, but I have business to attend to. I-”
Ignoring his friend’s words, Nicholas grabbed hold of Jace’s arm. “Come on, I told Olia to get some coffee brewing, and I'm fairly certain I smelled fresh biscuits.”
“W-well I… I suppose I could visit, for a short time.”
“Brilliant!” Nicholas grinned. “Come, follow me.”
***
While most of the Red Lake Chapter Keep was as austere and imposing inside as it was outside, Nicholas Welch’s quarters were surprisingly casual.
Large armchairs and soft sofas sat upon a rich red carpet in the lounge. The walls were covered in shelves, upon which sat hundreds of small trinkets, odds and ends collected over Nicholas’s long military career. A glass case filled with a variety of ostentatious medals sat gathering dust in the corner of the room. Multicoloured tapestries and lengths of cloth hung from the walls and ceiling, while the space near the windows was full of large, exotic plants in colourful painted pots.
Jace sighed in relief as he dropped into one of the large armchairs that were placed in front of the fireplace. Every bone in his body ached from the long ride, and powerful fatigue pulled at his every fibre.
As Jace settled into his seat, an ancient female canine shuffled towards him, bearing a steaming mug.
“Coffee, Mr. Alyard.”
Jace looked up at the old canine and shook his head. “Olia! By the Lord herself… when Nicholas said your name, I thought for certain he was simply losing his mind. How in all ten layers of damnation are you still alive?”
The old canine scoffed as she handed the steaming mug to Jace, her old hand shaking a little. “You’re one to talk, you’ve gotten a lot greyer since the last time I saw you.”
Jace took the mug and smelled the coffee within. Looking up at the old canine, he smiled. “It’s good to see you Olia.”
With a short grunt, Olia turned and began shuffling back towards the kitchen.
Jace couldn’t help but chuckle as Nicholas dropped into the chair beside him. “I can’t believe she is still around… she was old when we were young! The unit commander thought you were mad when you said you wanted to buy her.” He shook his head as he glanced over his shoulder at the kitchen. “What kind of witchcraft could be keeping that ancient creature alive.”
“Not witchcraft my friend, merely a steadfast and determined will to outlive me. That, and I think her work with my ‘projects’ sustains her.”
“Speaking of…” Jace looked to the vixen, who was standing a short distance behind Nicholas’s chair, hands folded politely in front of her. “I see you have a new one.”
Immediately the vixen shrank back a little, shifting as if to take cover behind Nicholas, her tail curling between her legs.
“Hmmm? Oh yes! I bought her about… oh… about a year back now I think.”
“What about Tabit?”
“Sold him to a lovely family outside of Bordenwood. Old money sort, needed a hand round the house keeping up with things.” Nicholas leaned forward and pressed a rune on the wall beside the fireplace. In an instant, a burst of flame engulfed the wood.
“I actually paid him a visit last year.” Nicholas continued, reaching into his vest and pulling out a pipe. “They’re pleased with him, and he seemed quite happy. Apparently, they’ve even had him out to stud a few times. Shoulda seen the pleased look on his face when he told me about that, the lucky bastard.”
“And this new one?”
“Executioner buddy of mine in Harlowe sent me a message about this real pretty vulpine that was caught pickpocketing and was due to be drowned. I needed something to do, he needed the cash, so I bought her.”
“She is certainly… a fine specimen.”
Nicholas looked over his shoulder at the vixen and smiled fondly. “She’s still rough around the edges, but she’s got a good heart, good head, and she’s learning.”
“Thank you master.” The vixen said softly, bowing her head.
“Good girl. Why don’t you come over here and introduce yourself to my friend.”
With some hesitation, the vixen stepped forward and approached Jace’s chair. “It is a great honour to meet you sir,” she said, dropping to her knees, placing her hands upon her chest and bowing her head. “If it please you sir, my name is Taelow, and I am at your service.”
Jace nodded. “Indeed. My name is Alyard Jace, Agent of the Illuminant Chain. You may refer to me as Master Jace.”
“As you command, Master Jace.” Taelow got back to her feet, keeping her head bowed.
As Taelow turned to leave, Nicholas leaned forward in his seat and poked at her with the end of his pipe. “Ah ah, what did you forget?”
Immediately Taelow stopped and turned back to Jace. “Please forgive me sir, I-I mean Master Jace. Is there anything I may do to serve you?”
“Not right now, no.” Jace smiled and nodded. “You are dismissed, young one.”
“There you go, very good Taelow.” Nicholas smiled proudly as he gently scratched her between the ears. “Just gotta remember to ask permission before you leave.”
“Yes master, sorry master.”
“S’all good, you’ll get it next time.”
Leaning back and puffing away on his pipe, Nicholas gestured towards the kitchen. “Why don’t you go help Olia. Good girl.”
Jace shook his head as he watched Taelow retreat to the kitchen. “Well she certainly needs some work, but there is potential there.”
“She’s really very sweet. A bit nervous, but then that’s vulpines for you. And her colour, by the Lord! Can you believe they were just going to drown her? Shameful, utterly shameful.”
“It’s the law.”
“Mhmm.”
Jace leaned forward in his chair. “You act more like she is your daughter, than your slave.”
Nicholas’ cheek twitched ever so slightly. “So long as I don’t interfere with folks in their ways, I see no reason for them to interfere with mine.”
“That’s not a denial.”
“Wasn’t meant to be. I’m fond of her, what of it?”
“Truth be told, I don’t know how you get away with this sorta thing. If a cardinal saw you treating her like that, they’d have a fit.”
“Well you did always say I had a silver tongue. Guess the Cardinals just got tired of me running canonical rings around them.” Nicholas shrugged, offering a pouch of tobacco to Jace. “Besides, I always make sure the Order gets their cut when I sell them, so they ain’t got no right to complain..”
Jace leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his coffee. “I understand why you do it, but it is still dangerous. What if someone puts in an avowal against you.”
“Yes, what a tragedy that would be.” Nicholas turned and gestured to a stack of parchment rolls on his desk.
“Lord’s bones, are those all-”
“Freshest one is from three days ago,” Nicholas chuckled, fiddling with his pipe. “Taelow forgot her collar when she went to get water.”
Jace’s eyes widened. “You let her walk around without a collar!”
“Not outside the fortress, give me some credit. Anyways, some wet-behind-the-ears clerk from the Silver Scales saw her and got his spurs stuck up his behind. He chased her down and hit her with a switch. I didn’t like that, so we had a little chat, and I broke the switch over his head. Nearly knocked one of his eyes loose apparently.”
“Nick, that's insane!”
Nicholas waved his hand. “It’s fine.”
“What if someone claims you are a pelt sympathiser, or some kind of abolitionist?”
“How can I be an abolitionist when I produce the best-behaved and loyal slaves in the south. ‘Sides, if she steps outta line, and she does from time to time, I punish her. Suppose I just don’t see any reason to scare her, or to mark up that beautiful coat of hers with scars.”
Jace stared at his friend for a few moments, before slowly breaking into a hearty chuckle. “You haven't changed at all.”
“And I am much pleased to hear it.”
“Still, I’d hate to see you become the subject of some kind of inquiry.”
Nicholas started to answer, but paused as Olia and Taelow emerged from the kitchen. Olia carried a steaming basket covered with a towel, while Taelow carried a pot of coffee in one hand and a bowl of wild berries in the other.
“Ah, splendid.” Nicholas clapped his hands as Olia placed the basket on the table between himself and Jace. “Cream?”
“You don’t need cream,” Olia chided. “They’re buttered, that’s enough. Eat like a king and you’ll get fat like one.”
“Fair enough.”
Olia nodded and gestured for Taelow to follow her. “Come, I have some chores for you to do.”
“I’m fond of her too, but you really do let Olia get away with too much.” Jace chuckled as Olia and Taelow returned to the kitchen. “And letting a vulpine wander without a collar… you truly are mad.”.
Nicholas didn’t respond immediately, instead staring into the fire as he puffed away on his pipe.
After a time, he set his pipe down and turned to look at Jace. “So, it’s obvious you didn’t ride straight from Flinton valley to check up on me and my hobby.”
Nicholas raised an eyebrow as Jace remained silent.
“In fact, I rather suspect that your visit has something to do with that pup they saddled you with? What was his name? Dannid? Dabble?”
“Dallet.”
“Ah yes.”
Jace folded his fingers in front of his face. “Dallet is indeed part of the problem. I assume you heard about the rebel cell we put down?”
“Mhmm.”
“Ever since we dealt with that issue, he’s been on a tear. He’s whipped the people into a frenzy, and he is more than happy to give them the blood they want.”
“Sounds like a charmer.”
Jace’s eyes narrowed. “I understand the need to instil fear, especially when there has, indeed, been rebel activity. But he’s squeezing too hard. He wants more violence, and I suspect he feels that said violence might be his path to a promotion..”
“And you can’t stop him?”
“I’ve reached out to a few friends, seeing if I could get him recalled, or at least moved somewhere where he can’t do as much harm. I have received the same answer each time.”
“And I imagine they all read as some variation of: ‘no can do’.”
Jace’s face darkened. “I don’t understand. The boy isn’t from a noble house, he doesn’t have money, so why are our colleagues so afraid to touch him?”
Nicholas scratched his chin with the stem of his pipe. “I don’t know the lad from a hole in the dirt m’self, but… I have heard a few disturbing rumours.”
As a heavy pall fell over the room, Jace leaned forwards, staring at his old friend. “It was no accident that you were there in the courtyard when I arrived, was it?”
Nicholas shook his head slowly. “No, no it was not. I know you’ve sent a number of letters, expressing your concerns about your partner… and I wanted to warn you”
“Warn me?”
With a heavy sigh, Nicholas pushed himself out of his seat and stepped over to the roaring fire.
Staring into the flames, Nicholas spoke, his voice low. “There are those that think that the Order has grown soft and complacent. Slave uprisings have nearly doubled in the last ten years, war with the Federation is all but a certainty at this point, and there are whispers that the drought in the south is worse than the federals are saying. With all this in mind, the people are demanding strong leadership.”
Jace raised an eyebrow. “And the Order isn’t providing?”
“Apparently not.”
“That’s utter hound shit.”
“Agreed, but Archbishop Dellward is concerned, and she’s begun looking for new talent.”
“Hardliners.”
Nicholas nodded. “Nothing appeals to frightened people more than zealotry. The Archbishop believes they are the future of the Order, that they will sweep away old elements like you or I. They call them ‘The Red Scions’, and a great deal of effort has been put into placing them in positions of power.”
“And you believe that Dallet is one of these… ‘scions’?”
“I may have heard his name bandied about, especially after the news regarding that rebel cell you put down. He’s just the kind of fella they are looking for: young, radical, and with a talent for bloodshed if I’m not mistaken.”
“He does indeed have a… penchant for spilling blood.” Jace stroked his beard. “What about Bishop Lewis?
Nicholas stared down at a biscuit, turning it around and around in his hand. “You think that Lewis has the stones to go against Dellward? Nah, he’s in this effort up to the hilt. You’ve heard he intends to make the journey to Flinton to offer his thanks and congratulations.”
Jace’s eyes narrowed, just a little. “Yes, I have.”
“Well, word has it, he plans to issue a promotion to you little ‘scion’, a big one.”
“Cleric?”
“Word has it, he means to make him a paladin.”
“That would be a horrible mistake.” Jace shook his head. “Dallet is… dangerous.”
“That’s just the problem.” Nicholas’s eyes narrowed. “Dangerous may be just what the bishop is looking for.”
***
“All I’m sayin is, the Windhill brat ain’t been following canon for some time.” Comb leaned forward, smoke curling about his face as his eyes darted across the faces of the dozen overseers sitting on the other side of the breakfast fire.
“We been here, running this place, while he’s off doing Lord knows what with that little pet of his.”
“We’re doing our jobs,” Sally replied, popping the last piece of toast into her mouth before passing her plate over to her cat, sitting patiently beside her. “Windhill wants to go galavanting off for a few seasons, that’s his own business.”
“‘Sides, t’ain’t much going on these days no how. Season’s been a complete wash this year,” Another overseer commented between puffs on her cigarette.
“Ain’t no guarantee he’ll be back before harvest season though,” Another spoke up between spoonfuls of baked beans. “Truth being told, it is a mite troubling that he’s so interested in that pelt of his.”
An older overseer scoffed as he tossed his plate down with a loud clatter. “Maybe the ‘princess’ should have a little accident when she gets back? One bite from a swamp lance, and suddenly we ain’t gotta tiptoe around her no more.”
“You best be watching your mouth,” Another overseer snapped, glaring at Cald. “You get caught doing something like that and Windhill would have you strung up over a fire not ten seconds ‘fore he would send the lot of us packing.”
Cald opened his mouth to snap back, but a threatening growl from Sally’s hunting cat made him think twice.
“Can we go one mornin’ without you lot clucking away like a bunch of hens about the boss?” Sally asked, stroking the head of her cat. “We got a job to do.”
“An’ so does Windhill.” Comb got to his feet, gesturing around the fire. “It’s bad enough we have to sleep in these bloody cabins like rats while he and that pelt of his sleep in big ol’ beds.”
“Don’t like it yer free to look fer another job.”
“But why should I? Why should any of us? We been loyal, to Windhill and the canon, all while he treats his pet like she’s a wife. He ignores the law, he ignores his duty, and he ignores what need t’be done t’ keep the pelts in line.”
The youngest of the overseers, Lee, nodded in agreement. “Y’know what? Comb’s right.”
“All while Snyder is off getting his cock sucked by that slave of his he thinks none of us know about.” Comb looked at the assembled faces again. “So I’m thinkin… maybe we could run this place better.”
“What in damnation are you talking about?” Sally demanded, resting her hand on the handle of her revolver.
“I’m suggesting that we send Windhill packing, get rid of that little pet of his, and take this place for ourselves.”
“And that is enough of that.”
The various overseers sitting around the fire all looked up in surprise as Snyder stepped out from behind one of the nearby cabins.
Comb’s eyes narrowed as he got to his feet. “Well, look who found time to join the conversation.”
“I’m not here to join your conversation, I’m here to end it.” Snyder glanced at the other overseers. “All of you, get to work, now.”
Sally and a few others got to their feet and immediately left, but Comb, Cald, Lee, and a few others stood fast.
“That wasn’t a suggestion.” Snyder’s eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms. “To work, all of you, now.”
Cald turned and spat into the fire. “Well we ain’t done talking yet.”
“Cald’s right,” Lee agreed with a nod. “This is important.”
“Boy, the one reason you ain’t over my knee right now is cause I’m not in the habit of humiliating little boys in front of men. So, I’m tellin’ you, one last time, get to work.”
“Nah, we all know what you like when it comes to boys, now don’t we.” Comb’s face twisted into a sneer. “What would poor Mary and little Annie think if they knew what their father got up to with the pelt’s round here.”
“And that, Thomas, was you crossing the line.” Snyder placed his hand on his gun.
“Y’know we’re telling the truth here, don’tcha?” Comb stepped forward, gesturing at the overseers standing behind him. “Windhill ain’t the boss his father was. An’ the longer we stay here with our thumbs up our asses, or our cocks out, the worse things will get.”
Synder nodded once. “It is true, Master Windhill is not his father. If Master Edouard were still alive, he would have had you shot for talking like you were, but I suspect Master Luke will be more than satisfied with this instead,” Snyder raised his chin, “Thomas Comb, you’re fired.”
For a moment Comb was silent, before with a chuckle he shook his head. “Yer outta yer mind. You ain’t got the authority or stones to fire me.”
“Authority? Just who do you suspect Master Luke left in charge while he was gone?” Snyder’s eyes narrowed. “You’re fired Thomas, so grab your kit and get out, before I have you dragged out.”
“Oh yeah?” Comb rested his hand on his gun. “And what if I say I ain’t fired?”
A series of loud clicks rang out and four other overseers, including Sally, stepped out from behind the same cabin as Snyder, guns in hand. Immediately Cald, Lee and the others, all except Comb, raised their hands.
Comb shook his head slowly, hate burning in his eyes as he glared at Snyder. “You can’t do this,”
Snyder’s expression didn’t change as he met Comb’s gaze evenly. “You have twenty-five years of experience, you’ll not have a problem landing on yer feet and finding another job. If you leave peacefully, I’ll even see to it that you’re paid what you are owed for the rest of the season.”
“Now hold on just a second here,” Cald interrupted, stepping up beside Comb. “Tom’s just speaking the truth here, yeh can’t-”
“Cald, is it?” Snyder nodded. “You’re fired as well. Grab your things and get out of here, or I’ll have you shot as a trespasser.”
Cald started to speak, but in a flash, Snyder drew his weapon and fired into the ground between Cald’s feet.
“Anybody else?” Snyder glanced around. “Lee? Emmit? Sinclair? Anyone else want to find a new job today?”
Slowly the others backed off, raising their hands.
“Good. Now go get to work. And if I hear so much as a whisper about this, I ain’t likely to be so generous next time.”
“You know that I’m speaking the truth.” Comb’s hands curled into fists. “The Windhill brat’s been ignoring the canon every chance he gets since his pop ended up in the ground!”
Snyder raised an eyebrow. “You want to talk about canon? ‘And it shall be known, by beast and bird, by water and stone, by human and non, that there shall be no sin held in greater contempt than treachery. In its wake, mountains shall be sundered, rivers divided, houses brought low, crowns broken and bent, and all the blood of the world spilt. And so, if treachery is visited upon you, thou shalt respond with death, death alone, death such that the sky itself shall weep in ecstatic horror’; chapter one verse two.”
“You’re trying to betray master Windhill. Now, you can pack your shit and leave, or we can go the canonical route.” Snyder’s eyes narrowed as his grip on his gun tightened. “So, what’s it to be?”
***
By the time both Comb and Cald’s hounds were saddled and making their way off the Windhill property, Fray and Keeli were working to trim one of the large azalea bushes that grew alongside the main drive. Behind Comb and Cald were three other overseers with rifles drawn, led by Sally and her cat.
“What’s going on?” Keeli asked, glancing over at Vali, who was standing nearby, as the hounds trotted past.
“Comb got himself fired,” Vali whispered back, gesturing at two other slaves to keep working instead of gawking.
“Fired?” Fray raised an eyebrow as she heaved a basket of cuttings onto her back. “I didn’t think Comb could do anything to get fired?”
Vali was unable to stop a small smile from crossing her face as she glanced over at the hounds. “Apparently he was talking about trying to take over the ranch.”
Keeli’s ears perked up. “Take over?”
“Yeah, something about Master Windhill not following the canon. Apparently, Snyder sent him packing.”
“I won’t miss him,” Keeli whispered. “He was always so cruel…”
“You’ll never have to worry about him touching you again.” Fray smiled.
As Keeli turned to glance at the hounds, she saw that Comb and Cald had stopped at the front gate.
***
“You know Snyder can’t do this.” Comb snarled, glaring at Sally as she and two other overseers positioned themselves to block any attempt to return through the front gate.
“Funny, cause it seems to me he just did,” Sally replied, a sneering grin crossing her face. “You were warned Tom, Snyder warned yah, I warned yah, but you just couldn't keep yer yap shut.”
In a rage, Comb’s hand flashed down to his gun, but with a flick of her finger, Sally activated her rifle’s spark rune and aimed at Comb. Her hunting cat also let out a yowling hiss and made ready to pounce.
“Now now, no need fer long goodbyes.” Sally’s voice was soft, yet the threat within it was crystal clear. “So do us all a favour, and get out of here before something truly unpleasant happens.”
The next few seconds felt like years as Comb considered his options. Finally, with a furious growl, he shoved his pistol back in its holster.
“Good boy. Now, scram.”
“Stuck up bitch.” Cald spat at Sally. Turning his hound he nodded at Comb. “Come on, let’s go.”
Casting one more hateful glance at Sally, Comb turned his hound. As he did, he caught sight of Keeli, staring at him.
For a moment, the lapine looked as if she would retreat in fear as their eyes met. But, as Keeli stared at Comb, she haltingly raised a hand and waggled her fingers at him.
‘Bye-bye.’ She mouthed, a grin working its way across her face.
The sight of Keeli taunting him filled Comb with a rage that just about pushed him into going for his gun again. The only thing that stopped him was Cald calling out to him.
“Oi, let’s go get a drink huh?”
With a final snarl at Sally, Comb turned his hound towards the road and nodded. “Yeah, let’s do that.”
***
“Keeli? Is everything alright?”
Keeli jumped a little as Fray put a hand on her shoulder. “Huh? Oh… yes.”
Lowering her arm, Keeli looked back at Fray, and for the first time in a long time, a genuine smile crossed her face. “Everything is just fine.”
***
END OF CHAPTER 29
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2023.04.01 21:26 The_Octopode Some thoughts after playing half a dozen p20 games with foxes.
Hey, I've been slamming some p20 games since foxes came out in experimental branch, and I wanted to get all my initial thoughts in one place:
The early game is much easier for a few reasons, especially if you have foxes:
submitted by The_Octopode to Against_the_Storm [link] [comments]
The early game is much easier for a few reasons, especially if you have foxes:
- Passives. 4 of the 5 feel very strong, with lizards being the exception.
- Porridge is a way to efficiently turn early game grain/herbs into edible food from year 1 (field kitchen), which makes it less likely you'll get unlucky nodes and lose to early food shortage. The fact that it can also take mushrooms or veggies is nuts! (Beanery is probably stronger than smokehouse for early food even without having a crit bonus.)
- Foxes afford less risk when opening early dangerous glades if you have them, since the ~20% (not sure exact amount) bonus event work speed gives you some flexibility and time to solve the event before the storm.
- Fox hearth bonus makes it easier to stay at low hostility even after opening a few glades
- Foxes are easy to keep happy early.
- Right now it only seems to be counting complex food that gives a resolve bonus (not "last resort" complex food). If your villager eats multiple complex foods that give a resolve bonus in a single break, it counts all of them.
- Not sure how the Vitality bonus is intended to work, since it's bugged right now and the tooltips don't match. Right now what happens is, when you first put 3 villagers in for the bonus, it then starts counting how much complex food you eat. If you remove a villager or if a Tea Doctor villager dies/leaves, the count reverts to 0. This is reflected in the tooltip in the bottom-right of the screen.
- I believe the intent is: when you first build it, it then starts counting how much complex food you eat. Then when you fill it with 3 villagers, you gain +1 global resolve for every 100 eaten since it was built. I think this is the intent since it's how the tooltip inside the actual building keeps count (but not what actually happens).
- Either way, I love this idea. It's the first real "early game" service building they've added, where it's stronger the earlier you build it. It would be a real bummer if losing a villager reset the stacks though.
- Unlisted change not in the patch notes: harpies now eat pie instead of skewers.
- Taking humans to marshlands almost completely nullifies the lowered amount of farmland. (I'd personally still take trapper or herbalist over a farm, but it's now at least considerable, and you can always buy a farm from Sahilda or Zhorg).
- Herbs got a lot stronger because of porridge. Herb garden has got to be better than plantation now for early game food production, and also I think greenhouse is now even stronger than it was. By itself, greenhouse now gives the raw food required for porridge, biscuits, pie, and pickled goods, plus a meat substitute for skewers, and because of porridge you'll want to find some drizzle water anyway (and if you have foxes, this is usually very easy to find because of their passive).
- Porridge was definitely the missing link that makes me want to play with rainwater every single game. Even in a lizard/harpy/beaver game it's still a super efficient early food, and even better if you find a geyser.
- The lizard's hearth bonus probably needs a rework now; after the first year it's usually just a worse version of the fox bonus. (I'd personally love a 10% crit chance on non-woodcutter gathering camps, which fits their theme better and seems on par in strength with 20% fuel reduction).
- People are probably going to complain that fox houses take crystallized dew, but I hope the devs don't change it. Having difficult houses to build is balanced by the fact that they don't lose as much resolve to hostility as everyone else does and the fact that porridge is very easy to make early. I would love a Purified Fox House salvage glade event to be added.
2023.03.28 00:32 EvilDave219 Summary of the 3/27/2023 Vicious Syndicate Podcast (Core set discussion & Festival of Legends class card preview)
Listen to the most recent Vicious Syndicate podcast here - https://www.vicioussyndicate.com/vs-data-reaper-podcast-episode-125/
As always, glad to do these summaries, but a summary won't be able to cover everything and can miss nuances, so I highly recommend listening to their podcast as well. The final VS Report for March of the Lich King will be out Thursday, March 30th. There's a small chance we'll get a podcast sometime between now and the expansion release, but it's more likely this is the last podcast until Festival of Legends releases.
General - Final report for the March of the Lich King meta will be this week. ZachO will then take a "break" to work on expansion content for theorycrafting and the comprehensive preview of the new expansion. It seems like this go around they're holding back from showing all cards for individual classes until the final reveal stream on the 30th. VS got the DK card reveals at the last minute this week from Blizzard (which they are very thankful for); someone had canceled last minute and they got the cards a few hours before the VS Report went live.
ETC - ZachO spent hours analyzing ETC for the last report to see how it optimally fit into decks (if at all), and his conclusion is the card is still mostly bad, but putting in the right cards can make the card semi viable in certain decks instead of being a statistical abomination tanking your winrate. Hat chimes in that with all the analysis ZachO did, adding ETC with the correct band cards in the decks its optimal in (like Thief Rogue) is more of a sidegrade than an upgrade to those decks. There is no deck where ETC improves the performance of the deck, there's only decks that it doesn't hurt the winrate. ZachO personally thinks the only way ETC can ever be a game changer in a deck is if it's used in a manner to bypass a deckbuilding restriction to enable an archetype, rather than being a complimentary piece to anything.
Demon Hunter - Metamorphosis at 4 mana may be relevant since it deals 8 damage over 2 turns. Illidari Studies is rotating back into Standard at a time where there's almost no bad Outcast cards in the pool, and only 2 of them cost more than 3 mana (Eye Beam which will typically cost 1, and Glaivesmith which just got buffed). Should be a huge addition to Outcast DH. Immolation Aura is a huge upgrade from Chaos Nova for more defensive DH decks. Unnerfed Kayn will probably see play in almost any aggressive DH deck. Exciting upgrades, even though the class got the fewest card changes of any class not including Death Knight.
Druid - Lunar and Solar Eclipses can slot into multiple Druid archetype (especially Ramp Druid), and the buffed Treants along with Witchwood Apple being reworked should be a buff to token decks. ZachO thinks Soul of the Forest to 3 mana will be quite relevant since it's been a somewhat bait-y card for the last 4 years in Druid. ZachO is disappointed they added Kiri into core without buffing it, because it never saw play at 4 mana. If Druid gets more big spells like Cenarion Ward, they could be dangerous with Solar Eclipse. Hat points out that thus far we haven't seen a lot of things Druid would want to ramp into, and it seems like they're pushing more 5 and 6 mana cards for Druid to play instead of just playing Nourish on 5 mana.
Hunter - Hat says Hunter's core set feels like it has less clear direction in what they're trying to push for the class compared to other classes. Cat Trick and Wandering Monster are big additions to their secret package. Secret Hunter may not be a thing, but these two secrets are some of the rare secrets that may be good enough to see play without additional secret support (Hat and ZachO disagree on this). Keeping Doggie Biscuit and getting Dragonbane is very relevant for the class. Jeweled Macaw, along with every other 1 drop random generator, got their health buffed. It seems like Team 5 doesn't want to give you a stat penalty for randomly generating a card, whereas they will if it draws a card like Knight of Anointment or Trinket Tracker. It may still not be good enough for constructed decks, but worth considering.
Mage - Keeping Fire Sale is great. Firelands Portal has been powercrept but may still see play due to the new Millhouse. Flame Geyser is now an Arcane Shot that adds a 1/2 to your hand. Arcane Artificer getting added back in indicates we'll probably see more big spell support for Mage. Stargazer Luna may not be quite as insane without Luna's Pocket Galaxy, but she'll be relevant in lower curve decks. Cards rotating out didn't see constructed play.
Paladin - No secrets in Paladin should make Paladin players happy. Hat points out that Paladin losing secrets also ironically makes Rogue worse. Team 5 isn't committing to never having secrets in Paladin again, but they want to see how the class plays without them. ZachO hates secrets for long term design, so he's happy with this decision. Truesilver now buffing you for 6 health over 2 swings will make players look at the card again. Consecration and Hammer of Wrath going to 3 mana will make you seriously look at putting them into constructed decks. Consecration could be a workable substitute for City Tax in Equality clear combos. Muster For Battle is arguably the best dude card of all time and getting Lothraxion will potentially make Dude Paladin work. Grimestreet Outfitter is now a Bannerman that doesn't draw a card but costs 1 less. Hand of Adal will also be a relevant card. Class got arguably one of the strongest Core sets.
Priest - With the Overheal cards, Crimson Clergy is the new substitute to Northshire Cleric, and Holy Champion is a potential Totem Golem at 2 mana now. Shadow Ascendent saw play as a 2/2 and becomes stronger with the health buff. Shard of the Naaru staying means Priest remains the premiere silence class. Catrina Muerta's change to only resurrect Undead signals we'll likely see support throughout the year towards re-summoning Undead in Priest. ZachO thinks this is a buff to the card. The old version could only be run in Big Priest decks, whereas this version lets you play it in any Priest deck running a few support cards (large Undead minions and Catrina). Priest is getting a lot of new proactive tools so it no longer has to be a purely reactive class.
Rogue - Shadowstep staying is the biggest news for the class, and ZachO is personally relieved. It seems like Team 5's philosophy is to not take away things that are fun and compelling for classes that are core to their identity, but to build around those things instead. Rogue is getting more secrets along with Hanar, although worth noting Hanar is now worse without Paladin secrets to discover. ZachO's not too excited about the individual secrets since Plagiarize and Cheat Death never saw relevant play. Eviscerate coming back makes sense with the amount of Combo support the class is getting and with Wicked Stab rotating. Hat loves the buff to Fan of Knives. Elven Minstrel saw play as a 3/2 and still sees play in Wild, so hard to imagine the buffed version not seeing play.
Shaman - Hex at 3 mana becomes a relevant card for single target removal and becomes an insane School Teacher option. Ancestral Knowledge going to 1 Overload makes ZachO happy (thanks Chakki). Shaman getting Zap back will be relevant for the Overload package they're printing this expansion. Overdraft staying in is a huge buff for Overload decks. Grand Master Eyesore and especially Thing From Below are a big buff for totem decks. Carving Chisel makes Thing From Below come out quick.
Warlock - ZachO thinks Warlock got the biggest strength boost of any class with the Core set changes. Defile is one of the best AoE cards of all time. The big demon package with Voidcaller is insane. Jailer and Malganis can checkmate certain decks. Spirit Bomb seems like a weird inclusion, but it may have synergy with the new 1 mana minion that makes you Immune.
Warrior - Warrior is getting some control support in the Core set, but ZachO isn't sure if it combined with what they're currently getting in the expansion will be enough to make it viable. Sword Eater is viable for both aggressive and more defensive Warrior decks. Amargadillo gets a +2 health buff to 8, which makes it a pretty beefy taunt. Heavy Plate staying in Standard gives Warrior additional armor gain. Woodcutter Axe is a pretty good update for modern Hearthstone. Warrior’s additions seem okay, but ZachO's disappointed that they didn't do more. Warrior seems like it has a vague direction based off what we've seen in their expansion card reveals so far.
Neutrals - Most impactful Legendary rotating out is obviously Brann. Armor Vendor is a direct upgrade to Mistress. Of the new neutral legendary cards, Dr. Boom is probably not good enough to see play in 2023, but Zilliax will be relevant, and ZachO personally thinks Blood Control DK would love to run Ragnaros. Black Knight is now a real tech card. Cult Neophyte was a heavily utilized card during its run in Standard. Hat is a little nervous that Rogue is getting all these bounce cards that can abuse Neophyte, but ZachO doesn't seem too worried since Neophyte was never a power outlier in Rogue decks. Dirty Rat is ZachO's least favorite card being added into Standard, even though he recognizes there are a lot of people who love the card. Dirty Rat has always been perceived to be more powerful than it actually is, so it will have a high playrate regardless of how it actually performs. It may be a likely candidate to rotate out of Core early because it could prove too frustrating for players with how it can lead to blowout games for either player. In addition to Zilliax, we're getting a few Magnetic mechs back, all which have been buffed. With the amount of 4/2 weapons being added in this expansion, Dread Corsair is going to be relevant. Tour Guide coming back is a huge deal for most classes. The largest impact to the Core set is Tinyfin rotating out for Snowflipper Penguin.
Demon Hunter - Glaivetar is the best DH card of the expansion, "and it's not particularly close." In Outcast DH Glaivetar can potentially draw 5-6 cards. Rush the Stage and SECURITY!! may also make Outcast DH viable. ZachO seems high on Snakebite, which in turn makes him like SECURITY!! even more. Snakebite can be a huge early game swing, cost 1 mana off Rush the Stage, and gets buffed when any minion dies, not just your own. Outcast DH has the theoretical tools to beat early game initiative focused decks, but still some question if it have enough tools to beat late game decks. Halveria Darkraven seems more suspect, although Hat likens it to a potential Bloodlust in the mid game. Halveria continuously buffing S'theno could be relevant. The rest of DH's revealed cards are very flavorful, but it doesn't seem like there's currently a deck that would run them.
Druid - The current focus of Druid seems to be split between big spells and treants. Summer Flowerchild is ZachO's standout card for the class so far. Timber Tambourine can summon 4 5/5s quite easily, which is a lot of stats to put on the board at once. Hat points out the synergy Green-Thumb Gardner has with the weapon since it's a free proc for the weapon. Most decks will not be able to deal with an instant board full of 5/5s.
Hunter - Arrow Smith is a weaker Flamewaker, but ZachO does think the card is very good. Bunch of Bananas and Barrel of Monkeys are like Twin Spells with 3 charges. Not quite sure what to do with these cards though. A 1 mana +1/+1 buff isn't great by itself, but the flexibility of Bunch of Bananas might make it more viable. Jungle Jammer is a decent weapon since it's a 4 mana 4/2 weapon.
Mage - DJ Manastorm can set up some big OTKs with your big burn spells like Pyroblast. Some question on how you build a defensive Mage deck that can get you to the big blowout Manastorm turn, but Solid Alibi is a card that's still in Standard. Infinitize the Maxitude is potentially infinite value but seems very clunky with its Finale condition. May only see play in Casino Mage.
Paladin - Hat thinks Spotlight is the best card that's been revealed so far. Paladin has no shortage of Divine Shields it can play on 1 mana, so this is a powerful turn 2 play on curve. Has a cute combo with Starlight Groove where if you use it on your hero's Divine Shield, it'll immediately generate it back. Annoy-o-Troupe should just be called Annoy-o-Lord. It's a stronger standalone card than Voidlord. If you don't have a silence or transform effect, it's nearly impossible to get through the taunts it generates. Lead Dancer and Kangor, Dancing King are the intended cheat effects to get it out earlier, but ZachO's not high on Lead Dancer and would rather pay 9 life to play it with Blood Crusader. Hat points out the synergy Kangor can have with some rush cards, and Mish-Mash Mosher and Amplified Elekk become Renos. ZachO's concern for a Big Paladin deck is that while cheating out an Annoy-o-Daddy can win games on the spot against faster decks, you need more than that to beat slower resource focused decks. The Countess or a different neutral card is what you'd have to tap into. Funkfin and Jitterbug are okay, but ZachO's not too high on them. Funkfin is not a good standalone card, and Jitterbug is a newer Cult Master that usually guarantees you 1 draw.
Priest - Priest’s set so far is a bit weird. It seems like they're encouraging a proactive Overheal deck, but ZachO is skeptical if you'd choose to go for this type of deck over Shadow Priest. Hat thinks Hearthrob is Evolve Shaman-esque and can build some big boards. ZachO is less optimistic since it's hard to cheat out a lot of healing in the early game, even though there are things like Fan Club that can help. ZachO thinks Power Chord: Synchronize is one of the better cards revealed as it’s a better Seance. Heartbreaker Hedanis may be the most interesting Priest card revealed since there could be some OTK implications with the card. ZachO's not too high on the Priest set.
Rogue - ZachO reiterates how important Shadowstep is to Rogue's set, and it's an important glue card that would make all the cards they've revealed for Rogue significantly worse without it. Disc Jockey is a one use Whirlkick Master. Its stats make it work well with Breakdance. The cards you want to bounce with Breakdance are different than the cards you want to bounce with Shadowstep; you want cards with high stats to bounce with Breakdance. Rhyme Spinner is the payoff for the bounce/combo archetype. Rhyme Spinner might be relevant for Miracle Rogue, especially in combination with Record Scratcher. ZachO loves that Record Scratcher has anti-synergy with Draka. ZachO calls Bounce Around overrated, and Hat says it's as overrated as little Scabbs was when it was first revealed. Best case scenario for Bounce Around is that it's a 3 mana Potion of Illusion. Unlike Potion, you lose all your minions on board and don't get 1/1 copies of them. Potion of Illusion also never saw play in a Rogue deck. There might be some combo implications for Bounce Around but forcing you to replay the minions on the same turn means it'll have limited utilization. Bounce Around will not see play in a Miracle Rogue type of deck. In ZachO's words: "You guys are overreacting."
Shaman - Shaman is getting an Overload theme this expansion. ZachO says he's tried to build and theorycraft an Overload Shaman deck based off what we've seen so far in the expansion reveal and Core set, but right now it feels like an incomplete deck. Seems like the deck wants you to play Jazz Bass, overload yourself, unlock your mana crystals and then cheat out an early Pack the House. It's an okay play, but it's not game winning. It's still not clear if Jazz Bass improves with each Overload card or each Overloaded mana crystal, but ZachO and Hat assume it's the former. Hat says we got a lot of good individual cards for Shaman, but it feels rough trying to slot them into decks. ZachO is high on JIVE, INSECT!, but the card alone likely won't enable a deck archetype. The most ideal play with it is getting a Ragnaros and then playing Criminal Lineup to OTK your opponent, but that's a highly copium play. Inzah feels disappointing, and Hat wishes it was a 4 mana 4/4. Shaman doesn't have the burn to execute an OTK strategy with Inzah.
Warlock - ZachO thinks Rin, Orchestrator of Doom will be bad, but see lots of play. Hat likens it to Tickatus. Given we've barely seen any of Warlock's expansion set, but the cards they're getting added into Core are much more exciting than the cards they're getting this expansion. Chadlock with Malganis looks spicy.
Warrior - ZachO thinks Warrior is unjustifiably getting a bad rep. Verse Riff, Chorus Riff, and Bridge Riff play off of each other, but playing your first riff is very mediocre. It feels like relics from DH, but unlike relics there's no late game scaling with riffs. The best thing about the package is that even if it's bad, it's very easy to buff by just cutting a mana cost from each card. Team 5 wants Warrior to play these cards, so ZachO can't imagine a scenario where they don't buff the cards if they turn out to be bad. Blackrock n Roll got so much hate from the playerbase, but ZachO says this card is better than Bounce Around. He thinks Blackrock n Roll is more likely to create a meta defining deck in the future than Bounce Around. Blackrock is like a "hobo Pocket Galaxy" where it can turn your minions into huge game winning threats. ZachO can envision a Control Warrior deck playing Blackrock alongside Lor'themar Theron, which will make any minion you play potentially game winning. After Blackrock, Zilliax becomes an 8/7 and can be tutored out and buffed more with Last Stand, which can be a huge swing. Trenchstalker buffed by the card can end games. ZachO thinks it's "inevitable" that the card becomes good, and gives it a 4/4. He thinks the only way the card isn't viable is if Warrior doesn't get any early game survival tools. Tony Warrior still might be the best deck for the class, but if that's the case it seems unlikely that it doesn't get nerfed if it is meta defining.
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As always, glad to do these summaries, but a summary won't be able to cover everything and can miss nuances, so I highly recommend listening to their podcast as well. The final VS Report for March of the Lich King will be out Thursday, March 30th. There's a small chance we'll get a podcast sometime between now and the expansion release, but it's more likely this is the last podcast until Festival of Legends releases.
General - Final report for the March of the Lich King meta will be this week. ZachO will then take a "break" to work on expansion content for theorycrafting and the comprehensive preview of the new expansion. It seems like this go around they're holding back from showing all cards for individual classes until the final reveal stream on the 30th. VS got the DK card reveals at the last minute this week from Blizzard (which they are very thankful for); someone had canceled last minute and they got the cards a few hours before the VS Report went live.
ETC - ZachO spent hours analyzing ETC for the last report to see how it optimally fit into decks (if at all), and his conclusion is the card is still mostly bad, but putting in the right cards can make the card semi viable in certain decks instead of being a statistical abomination tanking your winrate. Hat chimes in that with all the analysis ZachO did, adding ETC with the correct band cards in the decks its optimal in (like Thief Rogue) is more of a sidegrade than an upgrade to those decks. There is no deck where ETC improves the performance of the deck, there's only decks that it doesn't hurt the winrate. ZachO personally thinks the only way ETC can ever be a game changer in a deck is if it's used in a manner to bypass a deckbuilding restriction to enable an archetype, rather than being a complimentary piece to anything.
Core Set
Overview - Full Core set was revealed this past week. Some of the biggest talking points: Tradeable is now an evergreen mechanic and is a key part of the Core set, Magnetic is back this year but not evergreen, Priest saw a decent overhaul due to the Overheal addition and Shadow being part of Priest's identity going forward (to no one's surprise, Hat is delighted Benedictus is staying), and the fact this is the first time we're getting meta relevant cards to stick around immediately after they were scheduled to rotate out (sorry Sunreaver Spy). There is a clear effort to raise the power level of every class and make them as well rounded as possible through the core set. With the exceptions of Radiant Elemental, Earthen Scales, and Brann, nothing impactful in the past few metas is rotating out (Armor Vendor is also noted as a direct upgrade to Mistress of Mixtures). It seems like Team 5 realized there's no point in keeping useless cards in the core set. Notable that the Core set will also be more flexible this time around, with Team 5 willing to rotate in and out cards if needed throughout the year. Brann got a lot of cards nerfed this year, so this is a great change. Also interesting they tried to add in Carnivorous Cube and Sunkeeper Tarim to the Core set, but they were too busted in their playtesting.Demon Hunter - Metamorphosis at 4 mana may be relevant since it deals 8 damage over 2 turns. Illidari Studies is rotating back into Standard at a time where there's almost no bad Outcast cards in the pool, and only 2 of them cost more than 3 mana (Eye Beam which will typically cost 1, and Glaivesmith which just got buffed). Should be a huge addition to Outcast DH. Immolation Aura is a huge upgrade from Chaos Nova for more defensive DH decks. Unnerfed Kayn will probably see play in almost any aggressive DH deck. Exciting upgrades, even though the class got the fewest card changes of any class not including Death Knight.
Druid - Lunar and Solar Eclipses can slot into multiple Druid archetype (especially Ramp Druid), and the buffed Treants along with Witchwood Apple being reworked should be a buff to token decks. ZachO thinks Soul of the Forest to 3 mana will be quite relevant since it's been a somewhat bait-y card for the last 4 years in Druid. ZachO is disappointed they added Kiri into core without buffing it, because it never saw play at 4 mana. If Druid gets more big spells like Cenarion Ward, they could be dangerous with Solar Eclipse. Hat points out that thus far we haven't seen a lot of things Druid would want to ramp into, and it seems like they're pushing more 5 and 6 mana cards for Druid to play instead of just playing Nourish on 5 mana.
Hunter - Hat says Hunter's core set feels like it has less clear direction in what they're trying to push for the class compared to other classes. Cat Trick and Wandering Monster are big additions to their secret package. Secret Hunter may not be a thing, but these two secrets are some of the rare secrets that may be good enough to see play without additional secret support (Hat and ZachO disagree on this). Keeping Doggie Biscuit and getting Dragonbane is very relevant for the class. Jeweled Macaw, along with every other 1 drop random generator, got their health buffed. It seems like Team 5 doesn't want to give you a stat penalty for randomly generating a card, whereas they will if it draws a card like Knight of Anointment or Trinket Tracker. It may still not be good enough for constructed decks, but worth considering.
Mage - Keeping Fire Sale is great. Firelands Portal has been powercrept but may still see play due to the new Millhouse. Flame Geyser is now an Arcane Shot that adds a 1/2 to your hand. Arcane Artificer getting added back in indicates we'll probably see more big spell support for Mage. Stargazer Luna may not be quite as insane without Luna's Pocket Galaxy, but she'll be relevant in lower curve decks. Cards rotating out didn't see constructed play.
Paladin - No secrets in Paladin should make Paladin players happy. Hat points out that Paladin losing secrets also ironically makes Rogue worse. Team 5 isn't committing to never having secrets in Paladin again, but they want to see how the class plays without them. ZachO hates secrets for long term design, so he's happy with this decision. Truesilver now buffing you for 6 health over 2 swings will make players look at the card again. Consecration and Hammer of Wrath going to 3 mana will make you seriously look at putting them into constructed decks. Consecration could be a workable substitute for City Tax in Equality clear combos. Muster For Battle is arguably the best dude card of all time and getting Lothraxion will potentially make Dude Paladin work. Grimestreet Outfitter is now a Bannerman that doesn't draw a card but costs 1 less. Hand of Adal will also be a relevant card. Class got arguably one of the strongest Core sets.
Priest - With the Overheal cards, Crimson Clergy is the new substitute to Northshire Cleric, and Holy Champion is a potential Totem Golem at 2 mana now. Shadow Ascendent saw play as a 2/2 and becomes stronger with the health buff. Shard of the Naaru staying means Priest remains the premiere silence class. Catrina Muerta's change to only resurrect Undead signals we'll likely see support throughout the year towards re-summoning Undead in Priest. ZachO thinks this is a buff to the card. The old version could only be run in Big Priest decks, whereas this version lets you play it in any Priest deck running a few support cards (large Undead minions and Catrina). Priest is getting a lot of new proactive tools so it no longer has to be a purely reactive class.
Rogue - Shadowstep staying is the biggest news for the class, and ZachO is personally relieved. It seems like Team 5's philosophy is to not take away things that are fun and compelling for classes that are core to their identity, but to build around those things instead. Rogue is getting more secrets along with Hanar, although worth noting Hanar is now worse without Paladin secrets to discover. ZachO's not too excited about the individual secrets since Plagiarize and Cheat Death never saw relevant play. Eviscerate coming back makes sense with the amount of Combo support the class is getting and with Wicked Stab rotating. Hat loves the buff to Fan of Knives. Elven Minstrel saw play as a 3/2 and still sees play in Wild, so hard to imagine the buffed version not seeing play.
Shaman - Hex at 3 mana becomes a relevant card for single target removal and becomes an insane School Teacher option. Ancestral Knowledge going to 1 Overload makes ZachO happy (thanks Chakki). Shaman getting Zap back will be relevant for the Overload package they're printing this expansion. Overdraft staying in is a huge buff for Overload decks. Grand Master Eyesore and especially Thing From Below are a big buff for totem decks. Carving Chisel makes Thing From Below come out quick.
Warlock - ZachO thinks Warlock got the biggest strength boost of any class with the Core set changes. Defile is one of the best AoE cards of all time. The big demon package with Voidcaller is insane. Jailer and Malganis can checkmate certain decks. Spirit Bomb seems like a weird inclusion, but it may have synergy with the new 1 mana minion that makes you Immune.
Warrior - Warrior is getting some control support in the Core set, but ZachO isn't sure if it combined with what they're currently getting in the expansion will be enough to make it viable. Sword Eater is viable for both aggressive and more defensive Warrior decks. Amargadillo gets a +2 health buff to 8, which makes it a pretty beefy taunt. Heavy Plate staying in Standard gives Warrior additional armor gain. Woodcutter Axe is a pretty good update for modern Hearthstone. Warrior’s additions seem okay, but ZachO's disappointed that they didn't do more. Warrior seems like it has a vague direction based off what we've seen in their expansion card reveals so far.
Neutrals - Most impactful Legendary rotating out is obviously Brann. Armor Vendor is a direct upgrade to Mistress. Of the new neutral legendary cards, Dr. Boom is probably not good enough to see play in 2023, but Zilliax will be relevant, and ZachO personally thinks Blood Control DK would love to run Ragnaros. Black Knight is now a real tech card. Cult Neophyte was a heavily utilized card during its run in Standard. Hat is a little nervous that Rogue is getting all these bounce cards that can abuse Neophyte, but ZachO doesn't seem too worried since Neophyte was never a power outlier in Rogue decks. Dirty Rat is ZachO's least favorite card being added into Standard, even though he recognizes there are a lot of people who love the card. Dirty Rat has always been perceived to be more powerful than it actually is, so it will have a high playrate regardless of how it actually performs. It may be a likely candidate to rotate out of Core early because it could prove too frustrating for players with how it can lead to blowout games for either player. In addition to Zilliax, we're getting a few Magnetic mechs back, all which have been buffed. With the amount of 4/2 weapons being added in this expansion, Dread Corsair is going to be relevant. Tour Guide coming back is a huge deal for most classes. The largest impact to the Core set is Tinyfin rotating out for Snowflipper Penguin.
Festival of Legends Expansion Cards
Death Knight - Death Growl is the strongest DK card they've revealed. Insane synergy for Aggro Unholy DK between eggs and Chillfallen Baron. Card can also have late game implications with Cage Head. Questionable if Unholy DK can build a slower, reactive deck around Cage Head and Boneshredders though. ZachO's not a fan of Mosh Pit due to its corpse cost. It's a very slow card that can't be utilized on curve. Arcanite Ripper might be decent, but Harmonic Metal and Screaming Banshee might be better cards for Blood DK decks. Screaming Banshee can generate 10/10 in stats with a single Vampiric Blood. Card doesn't do anything the turn it's played, but it can generate so many stats it’s a must remove card. Blood Buff DK might be a thing with these cards. Interesting that every DK card revealed besides Cage Head is a single rune card, so theoretically all these cards can go into a Rainbow DK deck. Still seems like a stretch that Rainbow DK will be viable.Demon Hunter - Glaivetar is the best DH card of the expansion, "and it's not particularly close." In Outcast DH Glaivetar can potentially draw 5-6 cards. Rush the Stage and SECURITY!! may also make Outcast DH viable. ZachO seems high on Snakebite, which in turn makes him like SECURITY!! even more. Snakebite can be a huge early game swing, cost 1 mana off Rush the Stage, and gets buffed when any minion dies, not just your own. Outcast DH has the theoretical tools to beat early game initiative focused decks, but still some question if it have enough tools to beat late game decks. Halveria Darkraven seems more suspect, although Hat likens it to a potential Bloodlust in the mid game. Halveria continuously buffing S'theno could be relevant. The rest of DH's revealed cards are very flavorful, but it doesn't seem like there's currently a deck that would run them.
Druid - The current focus of Druid seems to be split between big spells and treants. Summer Flowerchild is ZachO's standout card for the class so far. Timber Tambourine can summon 4 5/5s quite easily, which is a lot of stats to put on the board at once. Hat points out the synergy Green-Thumb Gardner has with the weapon since it's a free proc for the weapon. Most decks will not be able to deal with an instant board full of 5/5s.
Hunter - Arrow Smith is a weaker Flamewaker, but ZachO does think the card is very good. Bunch of Bananas and Barrel of Monkeys are like Twin Spells with 3 charges. Not quite sure what to do with these cards though. A 1 mana +1/+1 buff isn't great by itself, but the flexibility of Bunch of Bananas might make it more viable. Jungle Jammer is a decent weapon since it's a 4 mana 4/2 weapon.
Mage - DJ Manastorm can set up some big OTKs with your big burn spells like Pyroblast. Some question on how you build a defensive Mage deck that can get you to the big blowout Manastorm turn, but Solid Alibi is a card that's still in Standard. Infinitize the Maxitude is potentially infinite value but seems very clunky with its Finale condition. May only see play in Casino Mage.
Paladin - Hat thinks Spotlight is the best card that's been revealed so far. Paladin has no shortage of Divine Shields it can play on 1 mana, so this is a powerful turn 2 play on curve. Has a cute combo with Starlight Groove where if you use it on your hero's Divine Shield, it'll immediately generate it back. Annoy-o-Troupe should just be called Annoy-o-Lord. It's a stronger standalone card than Voidlord. If you don't have a silence or transform effect, it's nearly impossible to get through the taunts it generates. Lead Dancer and Kangor, Dancing King are the intended cheat effects to get it out earlier, but ZachO's not high on Lead Dancer and would rather pay 9 life to play it with Blood Crusader. Hat points out the synergy Kangor can have with some rush cards, and Mish-Mash Mosher and Amplified Elekk become Renos. ZachO's concern for a Big Paladin deck is that while cheating out an Annoy-o-Daddy can win games on the spot against faster decks, you need more than that to beat slower resource focused decks. The Countess or a different neutral card is what you'd have to tap into. Funkfin and Jitterbug are okay, but ZachO's not too high on them. Funkfin is not a good standalone card, and Jitterbug is a newer Cult Master that usually guarantees you 1 draw.
Priest - Priest’s set so far is a bit weird. It seems like they're encouraging a proactive Overheal deck, but ZachO is skeptical if you'd choose to go for this type of deck over Shadow Priest. Hat thinks Hearthrob is Evolve Shaman-esque and can build some big boards. ZachO is less optimistic since it's hard to cheat out a lot of healing in the early game, even though there are things like Fan Club that can help. ZachO thinks Power Chord: Synchronize is one of the better cards revealed as it’s a better Seance. Heartbreaker Hedanis may be the most interesting Priest card revealed since there could be some OTK implications with the card. ZachO's not too high on the Priest set.
Rogue - ZachO reiterates how important Shadowstep is to Rogue's set, and it's an important glue card that would make all the cards they've revealed for Rogue significantly worse without it. Disc Jockey is a one use Whirlkick Master. Its stats make it work well with Breakdance. The cards you want to bounce with Breakdance are different than the cards you want to bounce with Shadowstep; you want cards with high stats to bounce with Breakdance. Rhyme Spinner is the payoff for the bounce/combo archetype. Rhyme Spinner might be relevant for Miracle Rogue, especially in combination with Record Scratcher. ZachO loves that Record Scratcher has anti-synergy with Draka. ZachO calls Bounce Around overrated, and Hat says it's as overrated as little Scabbs was when it was first revealed. Best case scenario for Bounce Around is that it's a 3 mana Potion of Illusion. Unlike Potion, you lose all your minions on board and don't get 1/1 copies of them. Potion of Illusion also never saw play in a Rogue deck. There might be some combo implications for Bounce Around but forcing you to replay the minions on the same turn means it'll have limited utilization. Bounce Around will not see play in a Miracle Rogue type of deck. In ZachO's words: "You guys are overreacting."
Shaman - Shaman is getting an Overload theme this expansion. ZachO says he's tried to build and theorycraft an Overload Shaman deck based off what we've seen so far in the expansion reveal and Core set, but right now it feels like an incomplete deck. Seems like the deck wants you to play Jazz Bass, overload yourself, unlock your mana crystals and then cheat out an early Pack the House. It's an okay play, but it's not game winning. It's still not clear if Jazz Bass improves with each Overload card or each Overloaded mana crystal, but ZachO and Hat assume it's the former. Hat says we got a lot of good individual cards for Shaman, but it feels rough trying to slot them into decks. ZachO is high on JIVE, INSECT!, but the card alone likely won't enable a deck archetype. The most ideal play with it is getting a Ragnaros and then playing Criminal Lineup to OTK your opponent, but that's a highly copium play. Inzah feels disappointing, and Hat wishes it was a 4 mana 4/4. Shaman doesn't have the burn to execute an OTK strategy with Inzah.
Warlock - ZachO thinks Rin, Orchestrator of Doom will be bad, but see lots of play. Hat likens it to Tickatus. Given we've barely seen any of Warlock's expansion set, but the cards they're getting added into Core are much more exciting than the cards they're getting this expansion. Chadlock with Malganis looks spicy.
Warrior - ZachO thinks Warrior is unjustifiably getting a bad rep. Verse Riff, Chorus Riff, and Bridge Riff play off of each other, but playing your first riff is very mediocre. It feels like relics from DH, but unlike relics there's no late game scaling with riffs. The best thing about the package is that even if it's bad, it's very easy to buff by just cutting a mana cost from each card. Team 5 wants Warrior to play these cards, so ZachO can't imagine a scenario where they don't buff the cards if they turn out to be bad. Blackrock n Roll got so much hate from the playerbase, but ZachO says this card is better than Bounce Around. He thinks Blackrock n Roll is more likely to create a meta defining deck in the future than Bounce Around. Blackrock is like a "hobo Pocket Galaxy" where it can turn your minions into huge game winning threats. ZachO can envision a Control Warrior deck playing Blackrock alongside Lor'themar Theron, which will make any minion you play potentially game winning. After Blackrock, Zilliax becomes an 8/7 and can be tutored out and buffed more with Last Stand, which can be a huge swing. Trenchstalker buffed by the card can end games. ZachO thinks it's "inevitable" that the card becomes good, and gives it a 4/4. He thinks the only way the card isn't viable is if Warrior doesn't get any early game survival tools. Tony Warrior still might be the best deck for the class, but if that's the case it seems unlikely that it doesn't get nerfed if it is meta defining.
2023.03.28 00:30 EvilDave219 Summary of the 3/27/2023 Vicious Syndicate Podcast (Core set discussion & Festival of Legends class card preview)
Listen to the most recent Vicious Syndicate podcast here - https://www.vicioussyndicate.com/vs-data-reaper-podcast-episode-125/
As always, glad to do these summaries, but a summary won't be able to cover everything and can miss nuances, so I highly recommend listening to their podcast as well. The final VS Report for March of the Lich King will be out Thursday, March 30th. There's a small chance we'll get a podcast sometime between now and the expansion release, but it's more likely this is the last podcast until Festival of Legends releases.
General - Final report for the March of the Lich King meta will be this week. ZachO will then take a "break" to work on expansion content for theorycrafting and the comprehensive preview of the new expansion. It seems like this go around they're holding back from showing all cards for individual classes until the final reveal stream on the 30th. VS got the DK card reveals at the last minute this week from Blizzard (which they are very thankful for); someone had canceled last minute and they got the cards a few hours before the VS Report went live.
ETC - ZachO spent hours analyzing ETC for the last report to see how it optimally fit into decks (if at all), and his conclusion is the card is still mostly bad, but putting in the right cards can make the card semi viable in certain decks instead of being a statistical abomination tanking your winrate. Hat chimes in that with all the analysis ZachO did, adding ETC with the correct band cards in the decks its optimal in (like Thief Rogue) is more of a sidegrade than an upgrade to those decks. There is no deck where ETC improves the performance of the deck, there's only decks that it doesn't hurt the winrate. ZachO personally thinks the only way ETC can ever be a game changer in a deck is if it's used in a manner to bypass a deckbuilding restriction to enable an archetype, rather than being a complimentary piece to anything.
Demon Hunter - Metamorphosis at 4 mana may be relevant since it deals 8 damage over 2 turns. Illidari Studies is rotating back into Standard at a time where there's almost no bad Outcast cards in the pool, and only 2 of them cost more than 3 mana (Eye Beam which will typically cost 1, and Glaivesmith which just got buffed). Should be a huge addition to Outcast DH. Immolation Aura is a huge upgrade from Chaos Nova for more defensive DH decks. Unnerfed Kayn will probably see play in almost any aggressive DH deck. Exciting upgrades, even though the class got the fewest card changes of any class not including Death Knight.
Druid - Lunar and Solar Eclipses can slot into multiple Druid archetype (especially Ramp Druid), and the buffed Treants along with Witchwood Apple being reworked should be a buff to token decks. ZachO thinks Soul of the Forest to 3 mana will be quite relevant since it's been a somewhat bait-y card for the last 4 years in Druid. ZachO is disappointed they added Kiri into core without buffing it, because it never saw play at 4 mana. If Druid gets more big spells like Cenarion Ward, they could be dangerous with Solar Eclipse. Hat points out that thus far we haven't seen a lot of things Druid would want to ramp into, and it seems like they're pushing more 5 and 6 mana cards for Druid to play instead of just playing Nourish on 5 mana.
Hunter - Hat says Hunter's core set feels like it has less clear direction in what they're trying to push for the class compared to other classes. Cat Trick and Wandering Monster are big additions to their secret package. Secret Hunter may not be a thing, but these two secrets are some of the rare secrets that may be good enough to see play without additional secret support (Hat and ZachO disagree on this). Keeping Doggie Biscuit and getting Dragonbane is very relevant for the class. Jeweled Macaw, along with every other 1 drop random generator, got their health buffed. It seems like Team 5 doesn't want to give you a stat penalty for randomly generating a card, whereas they will if it draws a card like Knight of Anointment or Trinket Tracker. It may still not be good enough for constructed decks, but worth considering.
Mage - Keeping Fire Sale is great. Firelands Portal has been powercrept but may still see play due to the new Millhouse. Flame Geyser is now an Arcane Shot that adds a 1/2 to your hand. Arcane Artificer getting added back in indicates we'll probably see more big spell support for Mage. Stargazer Luna may not be quite as insane without Luna's Pocket Galaxy, but she'll be relevant in lower curve decks. Cards rotating out didn't see constructed play.
Paladin - No secrets in Paladin should make Paladin players happy. Hat points out that Paladin losing secrets also ironically makes Rogue worse. Team 5 isn't committing to never having secrets in Paladin again, but they want to see how the class plays without them. ZachO hates secrets for long term design, so he's happy with this decision. Truesilver now buffing you for 6 health over 2 swings will make players look at the card again. Consecration and Hammer of Wrath going to 3 mana will make you seriously look at putting them into constructed decks. Consecration could be a workable substitute for City Tax in Equality clear combos. Muster For Battle is arguably the best dude card of all time and getting Lothraxion will potentially make Dude Paladin work. Grimestreet Outfitter is now a Bannerman that doesn't draw a card but costs 1 less. Hand of Adal will also be a relevant card. Class got arguably one of the strongest Core sets.
Priest - With the Overheal cards, Crimson Clergy is the new substitute to Northshire Cleric, and Holy Champion is a potential Totem Golem at 2 mana now. Shadow Ascendent saw play as a 2/2 and becomes stronger with the health buff. Shard of the Naaru staying means Priest remains the premiere silence class. Catrina Muerta's change to only resurrect Undead signals we'll likely see support throughout the year towards re-summoning Undead in Priest. ZachO thinks this is a buff to the card. The old version could only be run in Big Priest decks, whereas this version lets you play it in any Priest deck running a few support cards (large Undead minions and Catrina). Priest is getting a lot of new proactive tools so it no longer has to be a purely reactive class.
Rogue - Shadowstep staying is the biggest news for the class, and ZachO is personally relieved. It seems like Team 5's philosophy is to not take away things that are fun and compelling for classes that are core to their identity, but to build around those things instead. Rogue is getting more secrets along with Hanar, although worth noting Hanar is now worse without Paladin secrets to discover. ZachO's not too excited about the individual secrets since Plagiarize and Cheat Death never saw relevant play. Eviscerate coming back makes sense with the amount of Combo support the class is getting and with Wicked Stab rotating. Hat loves the buff to Fan of Knives. Elven Minstrel saw play as a 3/2 and still sees play in Wild, so hard to imagine the buffed version not seeing play.
Shaman - Hex at 3 mana becomes a relevant card for single target removal and becomes an insane School Teacher option. Ancestral Knowledge going to 1 Overload makes ZachO happy (thanks Chakki). Shaman getting Zap back will be relevant for the Overload package they're printing this expansion. Overdraft staying in is a huge buff for Overload decks. Grand Master Eyesore and especially Thing From Below are a big buff for totem decks. Carving Chisel makes Thing From Below come out quick.
Warlock - ZachO thinks Warlock got the biggest strength boost of any class with the Core set changes. Defile is one of the best AoE cards of all time. The big demon package with Voidcaller is insane. Jailer and Malganis can checkmate certain decks. Spirit Bomb seems like a weird inclusion, but it may have synergy with the new 1 mana minion that makes you Immune.
Warrior - Warrior is getting some control support in the Core set, but ZachO isn't sure if it combined with what they're currently getting in the expansion will be enough to make it viable. Sword Eater is viable for both aggressive and more defensive Warrior decks. Amargadillo gets a +2 health buff to 8, which makes it a pretty beefy taunt. Heavy Plate staying in Standard gives Warrior additional armor gain. Woodcutter Axe is a pretty good update for modern Hearthstone. Warrior’s additions seem okay, but ZachO's disappointed that they didn't do more. Warrior seems like it has a vague direction based off what we've seen in their expansion card reveals so far.
Neutrals - Most impactful Legendary rotating out is obviously Brann. Armor Vendor is a direct upgrade to Mistress. Of the new neutral legendary cards, Dr. Boom is probably not good enough to see play in 2023, but Zilliax will be relevant, and ZachO personally thinks Blood Control DK would love to run Ragnaros. Black Knight is now a real tech card. Cult Neophyte was a heavily utilized card during its run in Standard. Hat is a little nervous that Rogue is getting all these bounce cards that can abuse Neophyte, but ZachO doesn't seem too worried since Neophyte was never a power outlier in Rogue decks. Dirty Rat is ZachO's least favorite card being added into Standard, even though he recognizes there are a lot of people who love the card. Dirty Rat has always been perceived to be more powerful than it actually is, so it will have a high playrate regardless of how it actually performs. It may be a likely candidate to rotate out of Core early because it could prove too frustrating for players with how it can lead to blowout games for either player. In addition to Zilliax, we're getting a few Magnetic mechs back, all which have been buffed. With the amount of 4/2 weapons being added in this expansion, Dread Corsair is going to be relevant. Tour Guide coming back is a huge deal for most classes. The largest impact to the Core set is Tinyfin rotating out for Snowflipper Penguin.
Demon Hunter - Glaivetar is the best DH card of the expansion, "and it's not particularly close." In Outcast DH Glaivetar can potentially draw 5-6 cards. Rush the Stage and SECURITY!! may also make Outcast DH viable. ZachO seems high on Snakebite, which in turn makes him like SECURITY!! even more. Snakebite can be a huge early game swing, cost 1 mana off Rush the Stage, and gets buffed when any minion dies, not just your own. Outcast DH has the theoretical tools to beat early game initiative focused decks, but still some question if it have enough tools to beat late game decks. Halveria Darkraven seems more suspect, although Hat likens it to a potential Bloodlust in the mid game. Halveria continuously buffing S'theno could be relevant. The rest of DH's revealed cards are very flavorful, but it doesn't seem like there's currently a deck that would run them.
Druid - The current focus of Druid seems to be split between big spells and treants. Summer Flowerchild is ZachO's standout card for the class so far. Timber Tambourine can summon 4 5/5s quite easily, which is a lot of stats to put on the board at once. Hat points out the synergy Green-Thumb Gardner has with the weapon since it's a free proc for the weapon. Most decks will not be able to deal with an instant board full of 5/5s.
Hunter - Arrow Smith is a weaker Flamewaker, but ZachO does think the card is very good. Bunch of Bananas and Barrel of Monkeys are like Twin Spells with 3 charges. Not quite sure what to do with these cards though. A 1 mana +1/+1 buff isn't great by itself, but the flexibility of Bunch of Bananas might make it more viable. Jungle Jammer is a decent weapon since it's a 4 mana 4/2 weapon.
Mage - DJ Manastorm can set up some big OTKs with your big burn spells like Pyroblast. Some question on how you build a defensive Mage deck that can get you to the big blowout Manastorm turn, but Solid Alibi is a card that's still in Standard. Infinitize the Maxitude is potentially infinite value but seems very clunky with its Finale condition. May only see play in Casino Mage.
Paladin - Hat thinks Spotlight is the best card that's been revealed so far. Paladin has no shortage of Divine Shields it can play on 1 mana, so this is a powerful turn 2 play on curve. Has a cute combo with Starlight Groove where if you use it on your hero's Divine Shield, it'll immediately generate it back. Annoy-o-Troupe should just be called Annoy-o-Lord. It's a stronger standalone card than Voidlord. If you don't have a silence or transform effect, it's nearly impossible to get through the taunts it generates. Lead Dancer and Kangor, Dancing King are the intended cheat effects to get it out earlier, but ZachO's not high on Lead Dancer and would rather pay 9 life to play it with Blood Crusader. Hat points out the synergy Kangor can have with some rush cards, and Mish-Mash Mosher and Amplified Elekk become Renos. ZachO's concern for a Big Paladin deck is that while cheating out an Annoy-o-Daddy can win games on the spot against faster decks, you need more than that to beat slower resource focused decks. The Countess or a different neutral card is what you'd have to tap into. Funkfin and Jitterbug are okay, but ZachO's not too high on them. Funkfin is not a good standalone card, and Jitterbug is a newer Cult Master that usually guarantees you 1 draw.
Priest - Priest’s set so far is a bit weird. It seems like they're encouraging a proactive Overheal deck, but ZachO is skeptical if you'd choose to go for this type of deck over Shadow Priest. Hat thinks Hearthrob is Evolve Shaman-esque and can build some big boards. ZachO is less optimistic since it's hard to cheat out a lot of healing in the early game, even though there are things like Fan Club that can help. ZachO thinks Power Chord: Synchronize is one of the better cards revealed as it’s a better Seance. Heartbreaker Hedanis may be the most interesting Priest card revealed since there could be some OTK implications with the card. ZachO's not too high on the Priest set.
Rogue - ZachO reiterates how important Shadowstep is to Rogue's set, and it's an important glue card that would make all the cards they've revealed for Rogue significantly worse without it. Disc Jockey is a one use Whirlkick Master. Its stats make it work well with Breakdance. The cards you want to bounce with Breakdance are different than the cards you want to bounce with Shadowstep; you want cards with high stats to bounce with Breakdance. Rhyme Spinner is the payoff for the bounce/combo archetype. Rhyme Spinner might be relevant for Miracle Rogue, especially in combination with Record Scratcher. ZachO loves that Record Scratcher has anti-synergy with Draka. ZachO calls Bounce Around overrated, and Hat says it's as overrated as little Scabbs was when it was first revealed. Best case scenario for Bounce Around is that it's a 3 mana Potion of Illusion. Unlike Potion, you lose all your minions on board and don't get 1/1 copies of them. Potion of Illusion also never saw play in a Rogue deck. There might be some combo implications for Bounce Around but forcing you to replay the minions on the same turn means it'll have limited utilization. Bounce Around will not see play in a Miracle Rogue type of deck. In ZachO's words: "You guys are overreacting."
Shaman - Shaman is getting an Overload theme this expansion. ZachO says he's tried to build and theorycraft an Overload Shaman deck based off what we've seen so far in the expansion reveal and Core set, but right now it feels like an incomplete deck. Seems like the deck wants you to play Jazz Bass, overload yourself, unlock your mana crystals and then cheat out an early Pack the House. It's an okay play, but it's not game winning. It's still not clear if Jazz Bass improves with each Overload card or each Overloaded mana crystal, but ZachO and Hat assume it's the former. Hat says we got a lot of good individual cards for Shaman, but it feels rough trying to slot them into decks. ZachO is high on JIVE, INSECT!, but the card alone likely won't enable a deck archetype. The most ideal play with it is getting a Ragnaros and then playing Criminal Lineup to OTK your opponent, but that's a highly copium play. Inzah feels disappointing, and Hat wishes it was a 4 mana 4/4. Shaman doesn't have the burn to execute an OTK strategy with Inzah.
Warlock - ZachO thinks Rin, Orchestrator of Doom will be bad, but see lots of play. Hat likens it to Tickatus. Given we've barely seen any of Warlock's expansion set, but the cards they're getting added into Core are much more exciting than the cards they're getting this expansion. Chadlock with Malganis looks spicy.
Warrior - ZachO thinks Warrior is unjustifiably getting a bad rep. Verse Riff, Chorus Riff, and Bridge Riff play off of each other, but playing your first riff is very mediocre. It feels like relics from DH, but unlike relics there's no late game scaling with riffs. The best thing about the package is that even if it's bad, it's very easy to buff by just cutting a mana cost from each card. Team 5 wants Warrior to play these cards, so ZachO can't imagine a scenario where they don't buff the cards if they turn out to be bad. Blackrock n Roll got so much hate from the playerbase, but ZachO says this card is better than Bounce Around. He thinks Blackrock n Roll is more likely to create a meta defining deck in the future than Bounce Around. Blackrock is like a "hobo Pocket Galaxy" where it can turn your minions into huge game winning threats. ZachO can envision a Control Warrior deck playing Blackrock alongside Lor'themar Theron, which will make any minion you play potentially game winning. After Blackrock, Zilliax becomes an 8/7 and can be tutored out and buffed more with Last Stand, which can be a huge swing. Trenchstalker buffed by the card can end games. ZachO thinks it's "inevitable" that the card becomes good, and gives it a 4/4. He thinks the only way the card isn't viable is if Warrior doesn't get any early game survival tools. Tony Warrior still might be the best deck for the class, but if that's the case it seems unlikely that it doesn't get nerfed if it is meta defining.
submitted by EvilDave219 to CompetitiveHS [link] [comments]
As always, glad to do these summaries, but a summary won't be able to cover everything and can miss nuances, so I highly recommend listening to their podcast as well. The final VS Report for March of the Lich King will be out Thursday, March 30th. There's a small chance we'll get a podcast sometime between now and the expansion release, but it's more likely this is the last podcast until Festival of Legends releases.
General - Final report for the March of the Lich King meta will be this week. ZachO will then take a "break" to work on expansion content for theorycrafting and the comprehensive preview of the new expansion. It seems like this go around they're holding back from showing all cards for individual classes until the final reveal stream on the 30th. VS got the DK card reveals at the last minute this week from Blizzard (which they are very thankful for); someone had canceled last minute and they got the cards a few hours before the VS Report went live.
ETC - ZachO spent hours analyzing ETC for the last report to see how it optimally fit into decks (if at all), and his conclusion is the card is still mostly bad, but putting in the right cards can make the card semi viable in certain decks instead of being a statistical abomination tanking your winrate. Hat chimes in that with all the analysis ZachO did, adding ETC with the correct band cards in the decks its optimal in (like Thief Rogue) is more of a sidegrade than an upgrade to those decks. There is no deck where ETC improves the performance of the deck, there's only decks that it doesn't hurt the winrate. ZachO personally thinks the only way ETC can ever be a game changer in a deck is if it's used in a manner to bypass a deckbuilding restriction to enable an archetype, rather than being a complimentary piece to anything.
Core Set
Overview - Full Core set was revealed this past week. Some of the biggest talking points: Tradeable is now an evergreen mechanic and is a key part of the Core set, Magnetic is back this year but not evergreen, Priest saw a decent overhaul due to the Overheal addition and Shadow being part of Priest's identity going forward (to no one's surprise, Hat is delighted Benedictus is staying), and the fact this is the first time we're getting meta relevant cards to stick around immediately after they were scheduled to rotate out (sorry Sunreaver Spy). There is a clear effort to raise the power level of every class and make them as well rounded as possible through the core set. With the exceptions of Radiant Elemental, Earthen Scales, and Brann, nothing impactful in the past few metas is rotating out (Armor Vendor is also noted as a direct upgrade to Mistress of Mixtures). It seems like Team 5 realized there's no point in keeping useless cards in the core set. Notable that the Core set will also be more flexible this time around, with Team 5 willing to rotate in and out cards if needed throughout the year. Brann got a lot of cards nerfed this year, so this is a great change. Also interesting they tried to add in Carnivorous Cube and Sunkeeper Tarim to the Core set, but they were too busted in their playtesting.Demon Hunter - Metamorphosis at 4 mana may be relevant since it deals 8 damage over 2 turns. Illidari Studies is rotating back into Standard at a time where there's almost no bad Outcast cards in the pool, and only 2 of them cost more than 3 mana (Eye Beam which will typically cost 1, and Glaivesmith which just got buffed). Should be a huge addition to Outcast DH. Immolation Aura is a huge upgrade from Chaos Nova for more defensive DH decks. Unnerfed Kayn will probably see play in almost any aggressive DH deck. Exciting upgrades, even though the class got the fewest card changes of any class not including Death Knight.
Druid - Lunar and Solar Eclipses can slot into multiple Druid archetype (especially Ramp Druid), and the buffed Treants along with Witchwood Apple being reworked should be a buff to token decks. ZachO thinks Soul of the Forest to 3 mana will be quite relevant since it's been a somewhat bait-y card for the last 4 years in Druid. ZachO is disappointed they added Kiri into core without buffing it, because it never saw play at 4 mana. If Druid gets more big spells like Cenarion Ward, they could be dangerous with Solar Eclipse. Hat points out that thus far we haven't seen a lot of things Druid would want to ramp into, and it seems like they're pushing more 5 and 6 mana cards for Druid to play instead of just playing Nourish on 5 mana.
Hunter - Hat says Hunter's core set feels like it has less clear direction in what they're trying to push for the class compared to other classes. Cat Trick and Wandering Monster are big additions to their secret package. Secret Hunter may not be a thing, but these two secrets are some of the rare secrets that may be good enough to see play without additional secret support (Hat and ZachO disagree on this). Keeping Doggie Biscuit and getting Dragonbane is very relevant for the class. Jeweled Macaw, along with every other 1 drop random generator, got their health buffed. It seems like Team 5 doesn't want to give you a stat penalty for randomly generating a card, whereas they will if it draws a card like Knight of Anointment or Trinket Tracker. It may still not be good enough for constructed decks, but worth considering.
Mage - Keeping Fire Sale is great. Firelands Portal has been powercrept but may still see play due to the new Millhouse. Flame Geyser is now an Arcane Shot that adds a 1/2 to your hand. Arcane Artificer getting added back in indicates we'll probably see more big spell support for Mage. Stargazer Luna may not be quite as insane without Luna's Pocket Galaxy, but she'll be relevant in lower curve decks. Cards rotating out didn't see constructed play.
Paladin - No secrets in Paladin should make Paladin players happy. Hat points out that Paladin losing secrets also ironically makes Rogue worse. Team 5 isn't committing to never having secrets in Paladin again, but they want to see how the class plays without them. ZachO hates secrets for long term design, so he's happy with this decision. Truesilver now buffing you for 6 health over 2 swings will make players look at the card again. Consecration and Hammer of Wrath going to 3 mana will make you seriously look at putting them into constructed decks. Consecration could be a workable substitute for City Tax in Equality clear combos. Muster For Battle is arguably the best dude card of all time and getting Lothraxion will potentially make Dude Paladin work. Grimestreet Outfitter is now a Bannerman that doesn't draw a card but costs 1 less. Hand of Adal will also be a relevant card. Class got arguably one of the strongest Core sets.
Priest - With the Overheal cards, Crimson Clergy is the new substitute to Northshire Cleric, and Holy Champion is a potential Totem Golem at 2 mana now. Shadow Ascendent saw play as a 2/2 and becomes stronger with the health buff. Shard of the Naaru staying means Priest remains the premiere silence class. Catrina Muerta's change to only resurrect Undead signals we'll likely see support throughout the year towards re-summoning Undead in Priest. ZachO thinks this is a buff to the card. The old version could only be run in Big Priest decks, whereas this version lets you play it in any Priest deck running a few support cards (large Undead minions and Catrina). Priest is getting a lot of new proactive tools so it no longer has to be a purely reactive class.
Rogue - Shadowstep staying is the biggest news for the class, and ZachO is personally relieved. It seems like Team 5's philosophy is to not take away things that are fun and compelling for classes that are core to their identity, but to build around those things instead. Rogue is getting more secrets along with Hanar, although worth noting Hanar is now worse without Paladin secrets to discover. ZachO's not too excited about the individual secrets since Plagiarize and Cheat Death never saw relevant play. Eviscerate coming back makes sense with the amount of Combo support the class is getting and with Wicked Stab rotating. Hat loves the buff to Fan of Knives. Elven Minstrel saw play as a 3/2 and still sees play in Wild, so hard to imagine the buffed version not seeing play.
Shaman - Hex at 3 mana becomes a relevant card for single target removal and becomes an insane School Teacher option. Ancestral Knowledge going to 1 Overload makes ZachO happy (thanks Chakki). Shaman getting Zap back will be relevant for the Overload package they're printing this expansion. Overdraft staying in is a huge buff for Overload decks. Grand Master Eyesore and especially Thing From Below are a big buff for totem decks. Carving Chisel makes Thing From Below come out quick.
Warlock - ZachO thinks Warlock got the biggest strength boost of any class with the Core set changes. Defile is one of the best AoE cards of all time. The big demon package with Voidcaller is insane. Jailer and Malganis can checkmate certain decks. Spirit Bomb seems like a weird inclusion, but it may have synergy with the new 1 mana minion that makes you Immune.
Warrior - Warrior is getting some control support in the Core set, but ZachO isn't sure if it combined with what they're currently getting in the expansion will be enough to make it viable. Sword Eater is viable for both aggressive and more defensive Warrior decks. Amargadillo gets a +2 health buff to 8, which makes it a pretty beefy taunt. Heavy Plate staying in Standard gives Warrior additional armor gain. Woodcutter Axe is a pretty good update for modern Hearthstone. Warrior’s additions seem okay, but ZachO's disappointed that they didn't do more. Warrior seems like it has a vague direction based off what we've seen in their expansion card reveals so far.
Neutrals - Most impactful Legendary rotating out is obviously Brann. Armor Vendor is a direct upgrade to Mistress. Of the new neutral legendary cards, Dr. Boom is probably not good enough to see play in 2023, but Zilliax will be relevant, and ZachO personally thinks Blood Control DK would love to run Ragnaros. Black Knight is now a real tech card. Cult Neophyte was a heavily utilized card during its run in Standard. Hat is a little nervous that Rogue is getting all these bounce cards that can abuse Neophyte, but ZachO doesn't seem too worried since Neophyte was never a power outlier in Rogue decks. Dirty Rat is ZachO's least favorite card being added into Standard, even though he recognizes there are a lot of people who love the card. Dirty Rat has always been perceived to be more powerful than it actually is, so it will have a high playrate regardless of how it actually performs. It may be a likely candidate to rotate out of Core early because it could prove too frustrating for players with how it can lead to blowout games for either player. In addition to Zilliax, we're getting a few Magnetic mechs back, all which have been buffed. With the amount of 4/2 weapons being added in this expansion, Dread Corsair is going to be relevant. Tour Guide coming back is a huge deal for most classes. The largest impact to the Core set is Tinyfin rotating out for Snowflipper Penguin.
Festival of Legends Expansion Cards
Death Knight - Death Growl is the strongest DK card they've revealed. Insane synergy for Aggro Unholy DK between eggs and Chillfallen Baron. Card can also have late game implications with Cage Head. Questionable if Unholy DK can build a slower, reactive deck around Cage Head and Boneshredders though. ZachO's not a fan of Mosh Pit due to its corpse cost. It's a very slow card that can't be utilized on curve. Arcanite Ripper might be decent, but Harmonic Metal and Screaming Banshee might be better cards for Blood DK decks. Screaming Banshee can generate 10/10 in stats with a single Vampiric Blood. Card doesn't do anything the turn it's played, but it can generate so many stats it’s a must remove card. Blood Buff DK might be a thing with these cards. Interesting that every DK card revealed besides Cage Head is a single rune card, so theoretically all these cards can go into a Rainbow DK deck. Still seems like a stretch that Rainbow DK will be viable.Demon Hunter - Glaivetar is the best DH card of the expansion, "and it's not particularly close." In Outcast DH Glaivetar can potentially draw 5-6 cards. Rush the Stage and SECURITY!! may also make Outcast DH viable. ZachO seems high on Snakebite, which in turn makes him like SECURITY!! even more. Snakebite can be a huge early game swing, cost 1 mana off Rush the Stage, and gets buffed when any minion dies, not just your own. Outcast DH has the theoretical tools to beat early game initiative focused decks, but still some question if it have enough tools to beat late game decks. Halveria Darkraven seems more suspect, although Hat likens it to a potential Bloodlust in the mid game. Halveria continuously buffing S'theno could be relevant. The rest of DH's revealed cards are very flavorful, but it doesn't seem like there's currently a deck that would run them.
Druid - The current focus of Druid seems to be split between big spells and treants. Summer Flowerchild is ZachO's standout card for the class so far. Timber Tambourine can summon 4 5/5s quite easily, which is a lot of stats to put on the board at once. Hat points out the synergy Green-Thumb Gardner has with the weapon since it's a free proc for the weapon. Most decks will not be able to deal with an instant board full of 5/5s.
Hunter - Arrow Smith is a weaker Flamewaker, but ZachO does think the card is very good. Bunch of Bananas and Barrel of Monkeys are like Twin Spells with 3 charges. Not quite sure what to do with these cards though. A 1 mana +1/+1 buff isn't great by itself, but the flexibility of Bunch of Bananas might make it more viable. Jungle Jammer is a decent weapon since it's a 4 mana 4/2 weapon.
Mage - DJ Manastorm can set up some big OTKs with your big burn spells like Pyroblast. Some question on how you build a defensive Mage deck that can get you to the big blowout Manastorm turn, but Solid Alibi is a card that's still in Standard. Infinitize the Maxitude is potentially infinite value but seems very clunky with its Finale condition. May only see play in Casino Mage.
Paladin - Hat thinks Spotlight is the best card that's been revealed so far. Paladin has no shortage of Divine Shields it can play on 1 mana, so this is a powerful turn 2 play on curve. Has a cute combo with Starlight Groove where if you use it on your hero's Divine Shield, it'll immediately generate it back. Annoy-o-Troupe should just be called Annoy-o-Lord. It's a stronger standalone card than Voidlord. If you don't have a silence or transform effect, it's nearly impossible to get through the taunts it generates. Lead Dancer and Kangor, Dancing King are the intended cheat effects to get it out earlier, but ZachO's not high on Lead Dancer and would rather pay 9 life to play it with Blood Crusader. Hat points out the synergy Kangor can have with some rush cards, and Mish-Mash Mosher and Amplified Elekk become Renos. ZachO's concern for a Big Paladin deck is that while cheating out an Annoy-o-Daddy can win games on the spot against faster decks, you need more than that to beat slower resource focused decks. The Countess or a different neutral card is what you'd have to tap into. Funkfin and Jitterbug are okay, but ZachO's not too high on them. Funkfin is not a good standalone card, and Jitterbug is a newer Cult Master that usually guarantees you 1 draw.
Priest - Priest’s set so far is a bit weird. It seems like they're encouraging a proactive Overheal deck, but ZachO is skeptical if you'd choose to go for this type of deck over Shadow Priest. Hat thinks Hearthrob is Evolve Shaman-esque and can build some big boards. ZachO is less optimistic since it's hard to cheat out a lot of healing in the early game, even though there are things like Fan Club that can help. ZachO thinks Power Chord: Synchronize is one of the better cards revealed as it’s a better Seance. Heartbreaker Hedanis may be the most interesting Priest card revealed since there could be some OTK implications with the card. ZachO's not too high on the Priest set.
Rogue - ZachO reiterates how important Shadowstep is to Rogue's set, and it's an important glue card that would make all the cards they've revealed for Rogue significantly worse without it. Disc Jockey is a one use Whirlkick Master. Its stats make it work well with Breakdance. The cards you want to bounce with Breakdance are different than the cards you want to bounce with Shadowstep; you want cards with high stats to bounce with Breakdance. Rhyme Spinner is the payoff for the bounce/combo archetype. Rhyme Spinner might be relevant for Miracle Rogue, especially in combination with Record Scratcher. ZachO loves that Record Scratcher has anti-synergy with Draka. ZachO calls Bounce Around overrated, and Hat says it's as overrated as little Scabbs was when it was first revealed. Best case scenario for Bounce Around is that it's a 3 mana Potion of Illusion. Unlike Potion, you lose all your minions on board and don't get 1/1 copies of them. Potion of Illusion also never saw play in a Rogue deck. There might be some combo implications for Bounce Around but forcing you to replay the minions on the same turn means it'll have limited utilization. Bounce Around will not see play in a Miracle Rogue type of deck. In ZachO's words: "You guys are overreacting."
Shaman - Shaman is getting an Overload theme this expansion. ZachO says he's tried to build and theorycraft an Overload Shaman deck based off what we've seen so far in the expansion reveal and Core set, but right now it feels like an incomplete deck. Seems like the deck wants you to play Jazz Bass, overload yourself, unlock your mana crystals and then cheat out an early Pack the House. It's an okay play, but it's not game winning. It's still not clear if Jazz Bass improves with each Overload card or each Overloaded mana crystal, but ZachO and Hat assume it's the former. Hat says we got a lot of good individual cards for Shaman, but it feels rough trying to slot them into decks. ZachO is high on JIVE, INSECT!, but the card alone likely won't enable a deck archetype. The most ideal play with it is getting a Ragnaros and then playing Criminal Lineup to OTK your opponent, but that's a highly copium play. Inzah feels disappointing, and Hat wishes it was a 4 mana 4/4. Shaman doesn't have the burn to execute an OTK strategy with Inzah.
Warlock - ZachO thinks Rin, Orchestrator of Doom will be bad, but see lots of play. Hat likens it to Tickatus. Given we've barely seen any of Warlock's expansion set, but the cards they're getting added into Core are much more exciting than the cards they're getting this expansion. Chadlock with Malganis looks spicy.
Warrior - ZachO thinks Warrior is unjustifiably getting a bad rep. Verse Riff, Chorus Riff, and Bridge Riff play off of each other, but playing your first riff is very mediocre. It feels like relics from DH, but unlike relics there's no late game scaling with riffs. The best thing about the package is that even if it's bad, it's very easy to buff by just cutting a mana cost from each card. Team 5 wants Warrior to play these cards, so ZachO can't imagine a scenario where they don't buff the cards if they turn out to be bad. Blackrock n Roll got so much hate from the playerbase, but ZachO says this card is better than Bounce Around. He thinks Blackrock n Roll is more likely to create a meta defining deck in the future than Bounce Around. Blackrock is like a "hobo Pocket Galaxy" where it can turn your minions into huge game winning threats. ZachO can envision a Control Warrior deck playing Blackrock alongside Lor'themar Theron, which will make any minion you play potentially game winning. After Blackrock, Zilliax becomes an 8/7 and can be tutored out and buffed more with Last Stand, which can be a huge swing. Trenchstalker buffed by the card can end games. ZachO thinks it's "inevitable" that the card becomes good, and gives it a 4/4. He thinks the only way the card isn't viable is if Warrior doesn't get any early game survival tools. Tony Warrior still might be the best deck for the class, but if that's the case it seems unlikely that it doesn't get nerfed if it is meta defining.
2023.03.26 01:53 pidginpost Di Girl Scout biscuit scatter dis year. See wetin happun
submitted by pidginpost to NewsPidgin [link] [comments]2023.03.15 08:23 Dr_Apperpixion An old, new dimension: Lost
The darkening Early in the morning, before the sun comes up, you can already hear the birds singing. At 4:30, it is that classic crossover between night and day where you hear the crickets creaking but also the birds chirping. The sun hasn’t even started to shine yet. Brandon rolls over in his bed and eventually picks up his cell phone to check the time. “it’s so early” he thought to himself. “I still have 2 hours to sleep before work”. He spends the next 20 minutes thinking about the work he has to do tomorrow. Eventually Brandon falls asleep. He falls asleep for just a minute until he jerks wide awake and sees it’s light outside, the sun is shining brightly. When he turns over to check his phone for the time he sees it is now 7:45 and if he doesn’t rush, he will definitely be late! “How? It literally felt like a minute!” as he hops into his pants one leg at a time while looking for a clean pair of socks. “This is the third time this week!”, He exclaims to himself while speeding down Chilton grove in attempt to get a shortcut. He finally arrives at work through the back entrance and finds all his colleagues already seated by the tills. He then rushes to his till and starts to work as if he had been for 40 minutes already. “Next customer please”, says George pretending to be working hard while thinking about a party he wants to go to over the weekend. “I told you if a client can’t provide a receipt then you can’t make an exchange!” Mr. Harrison, the manager exclaims as he walks past George to his office. George shakes his head, “This guy sucks, be a little considerate!” he thinks to himself nervous that he might get called into his office for being late again. Brandon, George’s colleague and friend for 5 years comes from the back chambers of the premises after having a smoke. Brandon smugly asks, “Are you finally here?” as he hands George a cigarette. “you are going to need this”, Brandon says as George heads out back to smoke. They usually go behind the store towards the end of the store room where they would normally have a smoke…Amongst other things Brandon mutters some vulgarity right before Mr. Harrison barges out of his office and toward the back where George is smoking. Harrison looks as red as a cherry in ripe season. “George, would you care to explain why the hell back here and not helping clients? Do you intend on letting the clients wait outside all day in this weather?” Says Harrison as he hurriedly places a notice on Brandon and George’s tills. Without pausing to look around he then leaves for his office while yelling “this is the last time I am speaking to you about your attitude!” “Fucking asshole” , George grumbles while shoving the notice to his centre while thinking about Harrison’s habit of saying whatever comes to mind. “I’ll read the notice once George gets here, for now I’ll work this queue.”, says Brandon to himself. “We’re supposed to be off tomorrow, it’s Friday" he thinks to himself looking hopeful. S George comes back from the back, slides the door closed and slips into his chair. “It’s snowy outside”, he proclaims as he points toward the vent. “It’s quite cold at the back as well. You could use it as a freezer!” Between the sounds of the tills beeping and struggling out receipts you can hear a slight whistle. “If snow had a sound that is what I imagine it would sound like. Luckily I brought this flask of hot coffee!” Brandon said, so used to the time of the year growing cold. He pulls his chair in and glances toward the paper in front of him and then pulls it closer and starts to read: “Dear valued employee, on account of the weather and safety…” The notice reads that he and George have to work late to help unload the stock from the truck before they leave to insure that the weather doesn’t stop them “This is bullshit! Why is it always us”, Asks George Staring at his phone. “Probably because you’re always getting us into trouble, jackass!” says Brandon while he leaves for the storage room at the back. George and most of the other employees go there to have their lunches and take smoke breaks. As the day goes on and the wind shifts to a much harsher tone, the other staff members get ready to leave. Since the work they are doing is of no import at this time of the day, they get to go home before the roads get too rough to drive on. Later that day The clock Strikes 4:00 pm and all the other staff have left leaving only Harrison, George and Brandon. “I will see you two tomorrow morning”, said Harrison while locking his office door. He had turned the excess lights off only leaving on the overheads. “There will be a shipment truck arriving at 5:00 and another one at 7:00 pm please see to it that they offload everything and sign for it. You know what to do after that, make sure that everything is accounted for and at the place they are supposed to be by morning” ordered Harrison as he left for the door Whenever a shipment comes the staff members have to account for all the stock on the truck insuring that there is no shortage and sign for it. After signing for it, the team needs to pack everything in the store room at the back neatly. Harrison expects this all to be done by morning and everything to be in its place. First shipment The Truck Finally arrives to drop the first shipment. George finishes his cigarette and opens the storeroom doors wide. “Please pack them here by the doorway and make sure to leave room for us to pass through, Thanks guys” George says heading towards the truck. Brandon and George unpack all the boxes with the drivers, slowly refilling the store room. You see all sorts of different boxes: Biscuits, Candy bars, different pasta, Washing soap and soft drinks. All the perishables they would stock on the shelves. Suddenly, they hear a loud slam coming from the front of the store as all the lights go off! Everyone goes quite and Brandon runs to the front to check what’s going on. He looks around for a while and sees nothing unusual, accept for the clock lying on the floor. As he is about to turn around he notices the electrical circuit board, leaning in closer he notices the circuit breaker is down. He switches it back on and walks back to the store room” “…anyway so like I was saying, there has never been any proof that any of these beard growth creams actually work. Pharma companies always tell you what you want to hear but research shows that its genetics that plays a larger role in hair growth….” He overheard George saying while standing near the truck, which is nearly empty. Finally, George leans over to pick up the last box as the driver walks over with a clip board. …”87, 88, 89, 90”, Brandon counted, “okay looks like it’s all here and nothing is damaged”. George signs the sheets and the Truck is off! “Now we have to pack this warehouse”, said George, “But first let me take a breath” George is always procrastinating, he can waste so much time doing nothing and finding excuses to leave the work for later. No wonder he is always in trouble “It would be great if we could get all these boxes sorted before the next shipment comes, we have about an hour and a half”, Said Brandon while George was on his phone checking status updates. “Don’t you think it’s weird that almost all haunted house horror movies are centred around an old house”? Asked George, completely distracted by a movie review he’s reading online “I don’t know how many times I can still watch the same thing! It’s not even entertaining anymore”, George continued Second shipment They finished packing the boxes in their categories and headed outside to wait for the next truck. The snow is coming down quite heavy; they were starting to get concerned there might be a storm coming. They both decided it might be a good idea to turn on the staff room TV to see any necessary updates. George thought that they might need to speed up with the second shipment just in case they need to leave before morning to avoid getting stuck and snowed in. The second shipment is usually the biggest one, they use two different suppliers and the brand name suppliers are the most important, higher demand items that get sold out faster, since there are always more specials on these items. Waiting for the truck to arrive, they have another smoke and discuss new album releases by their favourite bands. Finally the truck arrives and they start to offload the boxes. The snow is coming down quite rough and the wind is blowing harder. It took them about 30 minutes to get all the boxes off and then finally George could sign off and the truck left. They spend the rest of the evening packing the store room and getting the boxes in the right categories. They have to wait for Harrison to arrive in the morning so that he can check their work and instruct them as to what items to pack on the shelves so that they will be ready when the store opens again. It seems perfectly logical for anyone at this point to want to go ahead and just pack the shelves but some managers don’t like it all too much when employees take initiative so Brandon and George decided it would be best just to wait until Harrison comes as they finally finish packing the store room. Brandon, However unbeknownst to George did send Harrison a text message alerting him to their progress in between shipments and when they finally finished checking if it was necessary to stock the shelves. “Perhaps Harrison might let me know via text whether to stock the shelves in the meantime. We are still going to need to be here all night regardless of whether we finished early. I know George does want to leave early but we could just do the work”, Brandon thought to himself. Keep in mind that George is lazy and tardy and does not like to go any further than necessary, while his colleague and best friend, Brandon has the opposite attitude. Chapter 2: The staff Room It is around 10 pm now, they are doing nothing so they decide to go get something to eat. Sleeping is an option although it is quite a strange environment for both of them, it isn’t quite possible just to sleep in the staff room. The staff room is quite comfortable, whenever anyone spends nightshift at the store, they would spend a lot of time in the staff room especially during the times they are closed on account of the weather. The staff room is set up so that there is an entire lounge suite, the lounge suite is beige, one of those old fashioned leather sets before they came up with corner couches. The couches are set around a small, black glass coffee table and 2 small tables in between the 2 small couches and the one large couch. In the left corner of the room is a 32 inch flat screen TV that is connected to satellite which is what they are using to keep an eye on the news just in case they need to leave before the weather gets to hectic. There are a couple of rugs on the floor, all beige as well Against the front wall of the room is a big cupboard with all the dishes and upon which the plates and microwave are. Next to this table on the right, there is a small white fridge, made of plastic like most modern fridges that were made after the year 2000. Harrison makes sure the fridge is usually fully stocked. There is also a vending machine in the hall right before the door to the staff room. Finally, a small pool table on the left side of the room closer to the wall The store has a fast Wifi connection The room was set up to look like a fancy suite as per head office instructions. The corporate offices decided it was good for staff morale to have these facilities especially when you have a 24 hour store. Harrison has no say over this luckily. It is very important to note the modern decorations of this room at this point and paint a mental picture. Brandon and George walk into the staff room find some mini pizzas in the freezer and microwave them along with 2 cans of soda they got from the vending machine. “Good thing these are covered by petty cash” says George Chapter 3: The Dark The Evening progressed , the later it got the colder it became in that staff room so they switched on the air conditioning so that the staff room could get warmer. George lights a join “Dude, what are you doing? Not in here, take it outside”, said Brandon “Nah let’s hotbox this place, it will be awesome”, Said George Brandon was quiet for a bit and then got up and manoeuvred George towards the door at the back of the room so he could smoke inside “It won’t be okay if this place smells like weed”, Said Brandon The staff room has a door that leads to a passage outside, it’s more like a fire escape but the staff uses that door regularly to go outside to smoke. They stood outside for a while talking and passed the join between each other. 2 puffs in and there was another loud crash and the lights went off completely. Putting out the joint, both of them run towards the inside and went to the front of the store to see what made such a loud noise. They both forgot to close the door to the outside of the staff room. It was so dark they couldn’t see a thing; they looked around for a flashlight or anything they can use for light. “I’ll just use the flashlight on my phone”, said George as they walked toward the front of the store. At the front of the store they saw nothing, no sign of anything falling and no crash. There was no evidence of a break in. They decided to go to the upstairs offices to check if anything happened. Upstairs was quiet, obviously because there was no one there! Brandon looked through the upstairs window which was snowed over and couldn’t see anything outside. Finally on the other side of the office upstairs they saw a busted old bell clock. “It must have fallen”, Said George “How the hell can it just fall on its own”? Asked Brandon It was very quiet suddenly! No wind, not a car passing by. They figured it was just one of those weird things and walked downstairs and back to the downstairs area. Chapter 4: What’s happening? They went downstairs to check the breaker again, so that they could switch the electricity back on. When they get downstairs everything looks different. With the light of the small cell phone flashlight it is quite difficult to see the place but you can see everything has changed. The shelves, the door, the desks are all gone, there is a stage to the right of the room where Harrisons office used to be, there is a well polished floor where the shelved used to be and where the tills were. At the back of the room towards the store room is a big bar counter. They saw this first as they had just come from the back staircase. They both look around in confusion. “Dude, what the hell”, Said George “Uh…was that weed laced with something?, Asked Brandon, “I had two puffs”. They look around for the circuit breaker so that they can turn on all the lights They found the circuit breaker behind the stage, which was on usually is on the wall behind Harrison’s office. As the lights come on the whole layout of the room is completely different, now they can see it very clearly! All the signs, all the isles, every last thing vanished and had been replaced by what seems like some sort of dance club. George unlocks his phone to turn off the flashlight and the top of the screen reads “no signal” “This makes like zero sense”, said Brandon as he walks to the back of the room towards the back where the staff room is. “George come see this!” he says from behind the walls. When Brandon finally arrives, he sees that the building has been arranged into rooms, similar to a guesthouse or a hotel room. They continue towards where the staff room was an open the door, only to find a kitchen with an old metal fridge, strange enough it looks brand new. They see a stove, a big counter and a cupboard with crockery. “Where the hell are we?” Asks Brandon, “Everything is different!” Together they decide to explore the rest of the building and head back to the area with all the doors. After trying a few doors, they noticed these doors are all locked, but they appear to be bedrooms. They continue on through a long, carpeted hallway to see more doors, until they finally reach a door to the outside. What they notice astonishes them! Chapter 5: Where are we? They exit through the door to find that there is no snow; in fact it looks like it is summer. There is a green patch of grass, a couple of streets, a lot of benches and a seating area like an outside restaurant instead of a loading area. Beyond all that they can see the whole area has been gated up securely and they look around to see the entrance to a restaurant on the other side of the building that used to be an empty lot where they went to smoke. This is where the door outside the staff room went to. Too stunned to say anything they both stand in sheer confusion, wondering what is going on. They hear another loud crash followed by music, clearly coming from inside. They run inside. You can hear “Dancing queen”, by Abba playing and there are lights flashing. What is Even more surprising is a place that was closed and empty moments ago is suddenly full of people, dancing to the music while the waitresses are carrying around drinks and serving the people at the counter. “I know this whole thing is weird as fuck but why the hell are these people dressed so weird”, says George checking his phone again to still find no signal. Exiting the front door, Brandon sees a full parking lot, many cars, all of which he would describe as vintage cars. “Sir you’re not allowed to be back here” says a waitress to George who was still standing in the area behind the counter. “Who are you?”George asks “I am Madeline” says the woman who seems to be clearly alarmed by his appearance. “I work here, what are you people doing here”? George asks “Sir, I think you have had too much to drink”, she says as she calls for the security cards to escort him out. Chapter 6: The outside The Security guards escorts George out of the door to where Brandon is already standing looking around and tell him to leave. Confused they both continue through the cars toward the road where they see a neon sign saying “Jeffrey’s” and next to it another sign that says “Motel 22” “This is clearly not a super market anymore”, George says clearly not amused by the situation It’s not just something either of them can explain away. It’s definitely not just the weed. A few hours passed and they were still walking trying to find any hint of something familiar. They decided to go to George’s house. It was closer. As they walk down the city, most of the city had vanished now. There are some some shops but most sky scrapers are gone. There are more empty fields that there were the previous day and most franchises that had been opening over the past few years are no longer there. “It makes no sense”, Says George, “I hope, Things will make sense when I get to my place” They continued on, walking faster so that they could reach George apartment block. Most of this area seems fairly empty and undeveloped. They can’t just be imagining this! They can’t just have imagined the past years living in this town. None of this is possible. Chapter 7: The neighbourhood As they approach the corner of Croft street and Chilton grove they still do not see much establishment. At this point they should have passed quite a few stores and apartment complexes. The complex George stayed at was not there! Now there was just an empty field, with some bulldozers and heaps of sand. “Are you sure this is the right street?” Asked Brandon, somehow thinking George might have just turned too quick. “This is definitely where it was, you see the centre over there? It used to be right in front of it!” Said George The centre seemed to look quite the same, but the parking is definitely smaller and It is before some of the other changes were made that Brandon and George knew about. “Fuck knows whats going on anymore!” Said Brandon. “let’s go see if my place is still there” Brandon lives to the South of the Island, which is quite a distance from George’s place. It was a house. They would have to catch a ride there, not knowing at all at this point how they would even Do that. Chapter 8: Brandon’s place They finally make it to the middle of town where things were a bit more similar to what they remember you can still catch a bus in the area. So they decided to wait at the stop until the next bus arrived. It will be about 30 minutes until the bus arrives. The longer they wait the more they panic, questioning reality! “This is unreal, it seems as if we were somehow taken back in time or entered a portal to a place where the town has not developed since the 70s”, Said Brandon thinking that everything he knows about science and facts are a lie The bus finally arrives after about 45 minutes of waiting there. They get on the bus to be very surprised that the bus fare is 80% of what they would pay now! Amazed by this they seem more convinced that this is, in fact the past, not entirely sure of how they even got here. “Maybe just a really bad hallucination”, George thinks With a bus it still takes a while to get to Brandon’s place, it takes a bit longer with all the stopping for other passengers on the way. When they finally get to where Brandon Lives, you can see the whole neighbourhood is different. So much has changed. Walking through the neighbourhood Brandon can see most of the houses around where he lives but he can also clearly see that this is well before any renovations or any of the new road work had been done which had taken place over the last 50 years. The yards were all neat, the roads were empty and everything was incredibly quiet. He opened the gate and tried to unlock his door but the key wouldn’t fit! Eventually, they knocked on the door but there was no answer. They waited outside for a while, not knowing what else to do or where they could go. They haven’t spoken to anyone since they were tossed out of the night club and it hasn’t occurred to them yet to check the date with anyone. Finally it strikes Brandon, he knows he needs to ask someone. They see a red mini cooper driving in the distance and turn into the street. Slowly it approaches and eventually turns into the driveway. A middle aged gentleman and a lady, not much younger get out of the car. Both of them stumble over to the car where the gentleman meets them. “Good day Gentlemen May I assist you?” The man asked Brandon continued to introduce them while George was silent, completely silent. “Hi Sir, I am Brandon and this is my friend, George”, said Brandon George looked around in a hopeless state. He still thinks he lost his mind. “Good Afternoon, you can call me big Jeff and this is my Wife Caroline” said this man “What can we do for you gentlemen?” Brandon continued to explain that they were both lost and that they have no idea where they are. He asked questions about where this place was and how long they have been living there. Turns out this is a family home and Jeff and his wife have been staying in this house for 5 years now. It had been empty for years before they bought it. “What is today’s date, sir?” Asked Brandon “It’s the 12th” said Jeff “you boys look exhausted, why don’t you come inside for a minute”, Said Caroline as she went toward the door and opened it Nothing inside the house is as Brandon remembers it, the furniture is fair new but definitely antique, they have the same wooden designs that his parents have in the basement (or at least had), He thinks to himself if is parents are alive right now, they would be very young. They probably did not even live in this area yet since they moved after they got married and when they were about to give birth to him. Walking around they stumble upon a calendar that says “1973” “What the fuck”, George whispered to himself as he sank down to a sofa close by. If it wasn’t obvious before, it definitely is now. There’s no denying they are no longer in their time but have managed to get themselves back to the past somehow. Brandon thought to himself that he should possibly be honest and ask this lovely couple for advice based on their situation but honestly who would believe them. Eventually the time came where the couple started asking them where they were from and where they needed to be but neither of them could answer. The boys told them they came from the club and needed to be back there, Brandon wanted to retrace their steps from the moment everything changed and recalled vaguely seeing a strange old fashioned clock upstairs. He figured that it would probably be the place to start. “The club is on the complete opposite side of town”, said Jeff and then offered to drop them off to which they accepted. When they arrived back at the club it was about 5:30 in the evening, the club was not open yet. “They should be opening around 7”, Said Jeff They greeted Jeff and left They walk around town marvelling at all the changes: The Mac Donald down the street is a road house, the café up the road from that is completely gone and a sandwich shop in its place, their competitors which was down the block from them is just an empty building. At least the filling station is still where it was but not nearly as busy. The streets are much quieter. The parks are cleaner, both of them that they walked past earlier and the day care they remember close to George’s apartment building is a music school. “The craziest thing is I saw about 4 record stores on the way back here” said George “probably the only thing about this fucked up place I actually like” “Well, things are much cheaper here”, said Brandon They keep walking around town until they eventually sit at one of the tables at the roadhouse behind the club. Once the club open they will have to sneak in and go upstairs. Finally the club opens and the guys manage to get past the gate at the back, down the hall with the red carpet and up the stairs next to the kitchen. They get up the stairs and it’s just another floor with rooms, instead of one big empty lot with filing cabinets and desks, it is now used for accommodation. They tried a few doors but could not get any of them open. Eventually they had to give up “My friend, I don’t know what else to do, we are stuck”, said Brandon George cries Chapter 7: 6 Months later George wakes up; it is 6:30 a.m on December 20th, 1973. It’s quiet outside, he can hear a slight breeze. He needs to be at work at 8:00 for clean up. George gets out of bed and gets ready for work. He leaves the backroom he is renting from an elderly lady on the south side of the island as he locks up and leaves to go wait for the bus. He meets Brandon at the club where they both work cleaning and maintain the rooms of the motel. It has been difficult but they have survived. Still unable to find any way back to their time, they settled and managed to both get jobs at that same club for minimum wage. It has been 6 month since that dreadful, crazy evening and they are both coming to terms with the life they now live. A lot has changed since the moment they entered the strange new world, or rather old world but the thing that changed the most is that George is now always on time for work, he is focused and always ready working as hard as he can until he drops to bed late at night. Brandon lives at the motel, there is was a cheap room to rent and he jumped for the opportunity. He now has a girlfriend; he met her one evening outside the club when he had to help her to her car. None of them have seen or heard of their parents since, they seem to have disappeared off the face of the earth, no relatives as far as they recall but they do see Big Jeff and his wife Caroline frequently. They think about the life they left behind and still don’t know what could have happened but they are stuck and now they live in the 70s. Chapter 8: The life they left Harrison, Walks over whistling toward the store, ready to relieve George and Brandon from their hard nights work. He unlocks the front door and walks through the aisles, everything seems in place. “George, Brandon?” he calls out. No answer He calls again Still no answer He walks to the back of the store and find the store room all neatly packed. “Well, they couldn’t have left”, he said to himself He hears faint whisper “What the hell is going on man? Where are we?” “What’s happening?” “What is this place?” “How’d we end up here?” Harrison opens the door of the staff room to find Brandon and George, dressed in strange clothes looking confused. “Hey guys, good work on the packing, take the day off, you can do the shelves on Monday”, Says Harrison The guys exchange confused looks He sends them off They have no idea where they are, this is not their world. Who is that guy? What was he talking about? Why does everything look so different, so busy, so many new designs and shops. The confused boys walk down the road exploring the weird futuristic world they just found themselves in. Last they remember they were on their way home from a late night at a club they were visiting for the first time. The bus they were in swerved and now they are here. What the hell happened?
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2023.03.05 10:36 Queasy-Future-2423 A tale as old as time
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2023.03.04 22:28 mermaidpaint I'm Not The Vice Principal Anymore? Ok! + NEW UPDATES!!
This was my favourite saga from 2022 and now we have two new updates, including a sex schedule?
My last day obeying orders and getting yelled at posted by u/Disgruntled_Veteran in teachers on June 27, 2022
Context from ProRevenge
Now, I spent the last week packing up, giving aide and comfort to my (now former) staff, and causing problems for the new administrators who are assholes. Now, besides giving the entire staff a year free from additional PDs, I wasn’t planning on causing any more problems. Just quietly leave and drive off into the sunset. Shane style.
But no. Apparently I don’t deserve a quiet week. The new principal (demoted from Asst. Super.) and her new Teacher On Assignment (TOA) decided, for some reason, to be rude to me. There was only one response to that… I aimed to misbehave!
How were they rude to me you ask?
First off, they ordered me to hurry and clean out my office. Apparently, the TOA wanted to start redecorating my office. I was literally told “Get all your personal stuff out of here ASAP. She wants her office now!”. I still had a week to work there and actual work to do.
Second, the new principal tried to steal my personal chair and my personal office supplies and decorations. That chair was a gift to me from a friend. I found her just wheeling it out of my office and into her’s. My desk supplies and a banner from my wall were stack on its seat. I told her that it was my personal chair. Not the districts. She said “ok”. The very next morning, I found it missing. She had moved it into her office after I left for the day.
Third, I was given a list of tasks to complete by Friday by the TOA (who is in no way, shape, or form my boss). These were not my job to do and are in fact the incoming admins duty to complete. Stuff the new admin are supposed to do. Things like: put together a new staff packets, schedule next years PDs, fill out and submit request forms, ect..
Finally, I was talked down to every single day by the new admin team. I was spoken to as though I were the hired help and they were the Royal Bitches. Seriously, I speak to a waitress that messes up my order with 20x the amount of respect that they showed me. They actually tried to get my attention by snapping their fingers at me. Like that would work.
*Note: The new principal also has made some pretty anti-LGTBQ+ comments. I don't like narrow-minded people.
So, I decided to to as I was told. I was a soldier, so I know how to follow orders.
I am expecting a call from HR today asking for my assistance setting everything back up since with all my stuff removed and erased, the admin team has to actually put in some hard work.
I’d come in. For my consultant rate. $75.00 an hour with a minimum contract for 12 hours.
Update: I Don't Work Here Anymore. Posted on July 12, 2022
So, as some of you know, I left the world of being an administrator a few weeks ago. I tried to leave behind some nice .... gifts when I left. I wasn't looking to cause problems my last few weeks, but the new admin team treated me in a way that was unacceptable. So I decided that Malcolm Reynolds had it right when he said "I aim to misbehave.".
Well, the Tuesday after I left, I received a call from HR. I ignored it. I then left for a road trip with my daughter where we went to San Francisco for a few days and went to two Giants games. Unfortunately, they lost both games. While we were on our trip, they called and emailed me at my personal email account (my work one was deleted by them). I ignored the calls and never opened the emails. My daughter and I then went to Disneyland for a few days of fun and then returned this past Friday. I then checked the voicemails and emails.
I was asked, begged, and then ordered to come to the HR for important meetings. "It is very important that we speak to you as soon as possible." is what they said repeatedly. So Yesterday I went in to the district office wearing cargo shorts, a shirt I got at Disneyland, and flip flops. I don't work there so I don't need to dress up.
When I arrived, I was originally treated like a visiting VIP. The HR manager and her assistant tried to butter me up like a Pillsbury biscuit. After a few minutes of them trying to make small talk and me then letting them know I had plans to go to lunch in 30 minutes, they got to the point. They wanted me to turn over a few things took with me that, though they belonged to me, they said were sorely needed at the school. They gave me a list from the new principal which included, but limited to:
My chair (Seriously!)
My refrigerator and appliances
My community contacts board (People/businesses that I build relationships and partnerships with)
My personally designed forms and worksheets
Two way mirror
My Lockdown Buckets and FireDrill Bags
They also wanted copies of every record I kept and notes I took on the staff and students. The notes I took on the staff were so I could personalize gifts for them and have conversations with them on their interests.
I said "No" to all those requests. I told the ladies that the furniture and appliances were mine that I brought in. I stated that the chair was a gift to me from a friend and that the new principal can afford to buy her own chair. I also stated that I left any official school/district documents there and any I took with me and/or deleted were of my own making and my intellectual property. I also stated that my contacts were developed over the years on my personal time and at personal cost to me. I also stated that everything I took, that I had submitted reimbursement, was never reimbursed. I kept my records and pay stubs. I never saw a red cent from those submissions.
They offered to pay me for some of the items and gave me a rough figure of what the district would pay me to return the fridge, the forms, buckets, bags, mirror, and contact board. I told them that I did not want to hand them over to the new admin team since they had treated me so poorly.
The asked me again and tried to reason that some of those things could be interpreted as school property. I told them that The were welcome to try and force me to return anything that was legally mine to them, but I would be willing to fight it in court. I also told them that those two new administrators made me uncomfortable and that their treatment of me could be considered making a hostile work environment. Especially when they tried to make me do their jobs for them. I then gave the HR team my lawyers info.
* Note: I dated a lawyer after my divorce for a few years and we are still good friend and she has offered herself as my "forever retained lawyer" that I can use her name and she'd help me if she could. I rarely use her name, but when I have needed her legal advice, she always comes through. I also help her with physical chores when she or her family needs help.
I then wished the lady a good school year in the term to come and left. I doubt I will ever hear from them again.
Update: Karens With Power Are As Dangerous As They Are Annoying Posted July 27, 2022
Ever notice that there are always people out there that just have to break beautiful things? The people who see a sand castle and stomp on it or the idiots who visit Stonehenge and carve their names into it. Why?
Note: The new principal is the kind of person who smiles when things go wrong because she has already thought of someone to blame it on.
So as some of you may know, I am starting my new job in a week in a half. I haven't heard back from my old district since I met with their HR department after my road trip with my daughter. But Monday I heard from the senior secretary (aka Office Goddess) of my old school. She's been at the school for something like 20 years and knows everything that is going on there. Its her turf. She cares about the kids and the staff and she isgreat wonderful AMAZING!
Well, I got a call from her and she asked if I would do a welfare phone call to one of my former staff members who we will call Beth. I asked her why does she want me to call and why me instead of the someone who still works there. I don't work there any more and I am sure someone at the school would be better suited for it, like a counselor. Then she told me why she wanted me to call.
So the new principal and TOA have made many several changes to the school in their short time there. According to the Office Goddess, they have:
- Eliminated the House System. (The old principal and I created 4 Houses to have the kids compete year round for points with prizes for the top house each year.)
- Moved 8 teachers to different grade levels at the last minute. Including moving a teacher who has spent her career (15ish years) only teaching Kinder to teach the 6th grade.
- Cancelled several staff activities including the monthly breakfast bash and the Welcome Back competition (usually laser tag or bowling).
- Ordered special office desks for themselves that can be raised and lowered depending on if they want to sit or stand. (She said that the ones ordered run something like $500 a pop)
- But worst of all, the moved the librarian, Beth, to teach Middle School ELA.
Now Beth is a very kind and well like staff member. She is hard working and also adaptable. She is also certified in Early Childhood Ed., Elem. Ed, and Secondary ELA.
She also has cancer. She has been fighting it for a few years now. I've watched her struggle and keep fighting it. I've also watched a healthy athletic woman of about 130 lbs drop to a pale shadow of that which couldn't weight more than 90 lbs soaking wet.
Beth was a teacher for years at my old school, but a while back, when she found it hard to teach while going through chemo, I made her the librarian and fought to keep her at her teacher salary. The district fought me saying an aid was cheaper and could do the job. I wrote a post on here about it a while back. Officially, Beth is the school's media specialist, library arts teacher, and an ELA support specialist. Unofficially, her job is to basically reads to the younger students, encourage them to read, helps older students with their research, and helps older students learn how to cite their work.
The position also gave her plenty of time to rest, let her go to medical appointments easily, and gave her a bathroom next to her desk since she needed to go more often now. Plus it kept her pay the same and kept her health insurance going. It was a rare example of a true win win. I had an amazing librarian and she got paid, benefits, and a lighter work load so she could heal.
Well, the new principal, in all her Jar Jar Binks wisdom, has decided that Beth would be better off in a classroom again and that parent volunteers should run the library. Its saves money and puts Beth where she is useful according to the admin's twisted sense of logic. And yes, they know of Beth's condition and why she is in that post.
Beth found out Friday about the reassignment. (Yes, it is legal as her contract doesn't specify librarian. Just teacher and her pay scale level.). Beth tried to explain the situation to the idiotic woman who, if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back. But she doesn't seem to care. She says that Beth will be just fine in the classroom and will really help the kids academically.
So I called Beth yesterday and we talked for about half an hour. She told me that she may have to resign because she can't keep up with the rigors of teaching middle school ELA in her condition (which is not improving unfortunately). She is supposed to go through another cycle of chemo treatments soon. I told her I wish I could help her. She said she may just become a substitute and work when she can. She said she is covered under the husband insurance already, but ours was better.
I feel really bad for her. I suggested that she go to HR and let them know that if she is moved back into a full-time classroom that it would have a negative effect on her health and put her at risk. I also told her to get notes from her medical providers stating her case to stay in her less stressful position. I then gave her the name and phone number of a lawyer that specializes in educational law.
I also let her know that I would help her find work if she wanted me to. I have already reached out to a few people I know. I contacted my ex-wife's sister-in-law who works for a non-profit that provides digital literacy and citizenship programs for people who come to the U.S.. She said she might be able to hire her on to give remote lessons via Zoom. So lets keep our fingers crossed.
This is a perfect example of what happens when people with the compassion of Ted Bundy and the ego Donald Trump are put in-charge of others. The new admin team cares more about the budget and losing like they do something rather than whats best for the staff and students. I don't know what day in history it was when educators stopped leading schools and the politicians and the parent pleasers looking for a pay increase took over, but it was a dark day for us all.
I wish I had a happier story to share, but my old school is going to Hell in a handcart according to the Office Goddess. I wish all of you a great coming school year.
I Feel Loved: Update To I'm Not The Vice Principal Anymore? Ok. No Problem. Posted Sept 13, 2022
So here is an update to what has happened at my old school. I will say that their action make me proud, fill me with energy, and make me feel a little loved.
Now, I haven't heard from anyone in the school for the past few weeks. I have been really busy with my new teaching gig. I love my class by the way.
Well, it turns out that my misbehaving spread like a wild fire amongst the staff. My friend Tony let me know while we were watching a baseball game this weekend. Here is a summary of what has happened. I also heard from 2 of my old teachers. Here are the highlights.
- Every teacher is required to have Zoom meeting with all their parents at least once a quarter.
- Every teacher must do 2 of the following: sponsor a club, be on a committee, or coach a team.
- Lesson plan (For the next week) reviews with the TOA every Friday during prep periods.
- No office referrals for anything considered to be a minor infraction no matter how many times it happens.
- Teachers must sign in every morning in the office and out at the end of the day and record the times.
- No leaving campus without approval.
- Teacher will need to cover for other teachers that are out.
2) During the first day back meeting where she shared these changes, she apparently spoke harshly, authoritatively, and wouldn't allow the teachers to speak their mind. A "My way or the highway" atmosphere.
3) In response to the above and more, together over a dozen teacher took their "Welcome Back Baskets" (A school mug, cheap candy, Post-its, and pens) and slammed them on the principal's desk and voiced their displeasure. She threatened to write them up. They threatened to quit. This was their first day back from summer break.
4) The new principal got tired of them mentioning that I never made them do these things, so she lost it and "Disgruntled_Veteran isn't here any more. You are not to mention him anymore. I'm in charge here and he can take his retarded ideas and shovel them up his ass!" Apparently, she immediately regretted saying that an tried to back peddle.
5) Half the teacher who heard the above went to HR and filed complaints about being yelled at, the uses of the word retarded, and even claimed they felt "sexually harassed" by her statement about shoving thing in my ass. I don't know how serious HR took them.
6) Multiple staff members threatened to not renew their contracts at the end of the year. They said they can get teacher jobs anywhere due to the shortage. One even threatened to give her 30 days notice right there.
6) Multiple staff members complained to the union who contacted the district and stated that the policy changes that were not in place last year and not in their contracts.
7) Two staff members complained to the union and HR about the principal removing the LGBTQ+ flags from their classrooms. They aren't in FL.
8) The Superintendent had a meeting with the principal. Tony couldn't get into all the details, but basically she was told that if she doesn't drop the bullshit, stop pissing the staff off, and gets any more serious complaints that she will be removed from her post.
My old staff members said that for the past two weeks, she hasn't left her office. She never see her and only the TOA is sending emails. I guess only the TOA is running Wednesday meetings and she is clueless on what to do and wastes a lot of time.
So the staff stood up for themselves (and me to a point) and they came out on top! I am very proud of them.
According to a comment, u/DisgruntledVeteran advised Beth is now working somewhere else, with a health plan and kindness.
Admin Wants Sex Schedules posted February 18, 2023
So my last school school, as well as its district, are real shit show. Some of you might have seen my post in the past about when I left the vice principal position there and the new school administration didn't take it so well.
Well, I've been so busy lately that I hadn't really chatted with any of the people from that school in the past month or two. Life, right? Well, last night I ran into a couple of coworkers at TGI Fridays. They asked me to join them and promised me some fantastic information. How could I refuse?
So apparently the principal of their school, a recently demoted assistant superintendent, has been gone for the last 2 days. Apparently at the Wednesday staff meeting she made the comment that there were currently five members of the staff who were pregnant. She then mentioned that she is struggling to find people to be able to cover the maternity leave for the teachers that I'll be out before the school year ends. And also that it would be difficult to find coverage at the beginning of the school year for anyone who's going to miss the first few weeks or month of it. She then said something really really stupid. She said:
"If anyone here is planning on trying to have a kid or planning on doing anything that could get you pregnant, can you please talk to me first so we can see if it'll fit into the schedule."
Now, maybe she meant it as a joke. However, she's not very well liked it that school and that was enough for several members of the staff, including two of the pregnant ones, to go down to HR and complain right after the meeting.
Thursday morning the principal was not there and they were told by the instructional coordinator that she would be off campus until further notice and all inquiries and problems should be directed towards her instead. Come friday, still not back. Then some people did some digging and it turns out that the principal may be on a suspension for making comments of a sexual nature towards the staff and asking them to coordinate their sex schedules with her.
As far as my former co-workers know, they have no idea when she's coming back, but her instructional coordinator has already told them that many of her meetings next week are canceled and that she'll be taken over several of the planned meetings.
So as a warning to all administrators out there, don't ask us to tell you when we plan to have sex.
Sex Schedule Principal is Back Posted February 25, 2023
I was having a game night last night and some former colleagues from my old school came by for some Cards Against Humanity and Munchkin. I asked if their boss came back yet. And they gave me the run down.
So she returned on Wednesday. Exactly one week after the incident. She showed up to the Wednesday staff meeting. And she wasn't alone. Someone from HR and an asst. superintendent was with her.
Before the regular meeting began, the principal gave a short speech. Somewhere in it was a brief "I'm sorry" followed by repeated remarks about not taking every joke seriously and coming to her directly if there is a problem. Neither HR nor the asst. super spoke up or stopped her.
At some point in the rant, two of the most veteran teachers grabbed their stuff and walked out of the room. I guess HR followed them out, spoke to them, and brought them back in a few minutes later.
After the cesspool of a speech was over she continued to run the meeting like nothing happened. the HR rep and asst. super sat in back watching.
Apparently, several people went to the HR rep after the meeting to voice their problems with them going directly to her or that they shouldn't take jokes seriously. They were all told to schedule an appointment to speak to HR if they have concerns. Those same people then went to the principal's office to complain about her "apology". She told them to schedule individual meetings with her through "her secretary". She doesn't have a secretary anymore. That person resigned months ago and was not replaced due to the budget. The principal forced the front office receptionist to act as her personal secretary.
This just goes to show that the principal, a recently demoted asst. super, has something on the higher ups or the district itself. Something that is allowing her to keep her post for the rest of the year.
If she does any other stupid stuff and I hear about it, then I'll share it. I guess the scuttlebutt is that no matter what, she will not be offered a position for next year. I heard she is already applying for other admin positions as they appear online
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My last day obeying orders and getting yelled at posted by u/Disgruntled_Veteran in teachers on June 27, 2022
Context from ProRevenge
Ok, So this happened at the end of this school year. I posted what was going on in the Teacher group and several of the people there told me to post what happened in here. This story is in four parts and I apologize for the length. I also apologize for any teacher slang I use as it is like second nature to use it just like military cargo was when I was in the military. Basically, I was told that all the Assistant/Vice Principals in the district (other han at the high school) were being let go and a “teacher-on-assignment (TOA)” was going to take our jobs. I was not heart broken over this, but was treated badly by the new admin team taking my job and my principals job. Also, I tried to help my staff on my way out and it seems my bosses cared more about their images than my staff’s happiness. So here is the story.Since Friday, I am no longer a school administrator. I technically have another week to work, but I took vacation during that time because…. well, screw them.
Part 1:
So none of the other admin in my district had received our contracts for the coming school year yet. I was wondering what was going on, but I heard rumors about a pay scale shift and that was the reason for it. I found out Wednesday what is actually happening. Every assistant principal and vice principal in the district (why we have two different titles, I have no idea) is not getting renewed contracts (except the ones at the HS), their positions is being eliminated, and their jobs are being replaced with a new position that pays a teachers salary + a $2000 stipend. They are replacing the APs with “Learning Coordinators”. Apparently, the budget is the given reason, but I also heard rumors from someone at the district office.
Each of us APs/VPs were scheduled to meet with one of the Asst. Supers Wednesday. We though it was about our contracts and we were correct. When I arrived, the “Acting” Superintendent was there with the head of HR. I was told about the elimination of my position, but not the reasons why. I was then given an option for the coming school year. I could go back into the classroom, I could work in the district office, or I could apply and interview for the new positions that is replacing my job.
WTF!
I wouldn’t care one lick if I was told that my position had been cut completely and I needed to go back into the classroom. I love the classroom. I miss teaching full time. However, to tell me to apply and interview for a job I already have is bullshit. We were told to give the district our answers by Friday and they would draw up contracts or schedule interviews.
Wednesday afternoon, I went to see Tony who is an Asst. Superintendent and one of the few decent leaders in the school district. I heard from Tony that there was an internal shake up, but he wasn’t allowed to talk about it or even give me a hint about what happened. However, one of the Asst. Supers was being “reassigned”, aka demoted, to being the principal of my current school, my principal was not coming back due to health reasons, the Superintendent was “released from his contract”, and my school’s new Learning Coordinator position had already been filled. Who filled it? A school counselor from one of the high schools who just happens to be a friend and lackey of the Asst. Sup. that is now the new principal.
So, early this morning I gave them my answer. I decided that I didn’t need until Friday to decide. I tried to make sure I sounded professional, but I made sure that my message was getting across by speaking with authority. I went in to the Acting Superintendent’s office and told him that I thought that laying off a bunch of people so they could hire others to do the same job but at less pay was bullshit. I told him that the way the school district handled certain situations was idiotic. I then gave several examples. I next told him that he was going to ruin a perfectly good school with an amazing team of educators by putting a lazy, mean, parent pleasing person in as its new principal and letting her put a lackey in as her second in command. I said that she was as useless as a screen door on a submarine and as mean as Dolores Umbridge. I finished the 3 minute speech by stating that I will work my ass off and finish the school year strong. I will prep things for the next school year so that the TEACHERS have an easier time. I also let him know I would never work at or recommend the district to anyone ever again. Then I left letting him know that I expect an amazing Letter of Recommendation by the end of the school day Friday afternoon since I earned it for my service the past few years.
So what am I going to do now? Well, I called up an old friend Wednesday who is currently a principal at a STEAM charter school thats part of a chain of Charter STEAM schools and asked if he had a teaching position available? He’s been asking me every year for the past 5 years to come work for him. He told me he had three openings and I could have my pick of them. So next year, I will be a…. drumroll please:
6th Grade Teacher! And I am very happy about it! I even get to design my curriculum as long as it meets state standards!
I could apply elsewhere for admin positions, but I think I need a break from school leadership. I need to love my work again like I used to as a teacher. Yes, there were/are many challenges and sometimes I hated going to work, but i do love being a teacher.
I feel bad for my current staff because the regime change will hit them hard, but there is nothing I can do about it. I wish I could help them. The most I could do would be to take a teaching position at my current school, but then I would be miserable with them and be helpless to do anything to aid them.
So, for myself and my daughter, who I love more than anything, I am making the move to a new school and going back to what I enjoy doing. Teaching. I am even bring my daughter to my new school to start next year as a 5th grader. I asked her if she wanted to stay at her current school or go to the STEAM school with me and she wants to go with me. She was excited since she has visited there several ties and loves the technology room, the robotics class, and the science labs. Plus she is friends with some of the kids there already.
As a goodbye to myself staff, I am going out this weekend and I am going to buy some nice letter paper and scratcher tickets. I am going to write short, individualized goodbye to each of my staff members and at the end I will include the following words:
“I’m giving you some scratcher tickets. My hope is that you are as lucky scratching them as I have been lucky to have worked with you.”
So thats it. I have to finish my contract, but at the end of June, I am free. I am looking forward to teaching full time again and having a boss who will let me just do my job and not interfere. I don’t think I want to work in administration again, but maybe after a few years I will decide to work as an AP again.
Note: Sorry for any spelling/grammapunctuation errors. I am writing this while making my morning rounds.
PART 2
So I put together goodbye gifts for all my staff and I'll be handing them out Friday (their last day with kids). They have a bunch of goodies that I posted about weeks ago. I was think this weekend about how to give the finger one more time to the district office and help my teachers out. Even in a small way. So I came up with it Sunday night.
My district requires each teacher to attend additional training throughout the year. These are outside of the regular staff development trainings. They are run by district staff, SPED teachers, and admin. The training normally last 1-3 hours and the teacher gets a certificate for the time spent in the training. Each teacher is required to attend 24 hours of these before the end of the school year. Most teachers take them over the summer(if they are offered) so they don't have to take them during the school year.
So I yesterday morning, before work, I was making copies of the certificates for all the courses I have run here the past few years. Classroom Management Strategies, Lockdown Procedures, Social Studies Strategies, Math Strategies, Reading Comprehension, and Environmental Print. I am going to fill them out with each of the teacher's names and number of hours. I am adding all the times I EVER spoke to the staff about these topics and putting down hours to correspond (rounding up to the nearest hour...ish).
Wouldn't you know, each of those topics was 3 to 5 hours in length. Each staff member will have exactly 24 hours worth of training. I filled out the dates of the training for the 2022/2023 school year. Oh and I have an attendance sheets with ALL of their names and have them marked as being present.
*Note: I checked with district and since I am still an administrator into the summer, I am allowed to run these training over the summer before I leave.
Now, they can have their summer to themselves and not worry about taking classes during the school year. They can if they wish, but 99% of teachers here hate the mandatory training hours. I hope the staff likes the present.
Now, I spent the last week packing up, giving aide and comfort to my (now former) staff, and causing problems for the new administrators who are assholes. Now, besides giving the entire staff a year free from additional PDs, I wasn’t planning on causing any more problems. Just quietly leave and drive off into the sunset. Shane style.
But no. Apparently I don’t deserve a quiet week. The new principal (demoted from Asst. Super.) and her new Teacher On Assignment (TOA) decided, for some reason, to be rude to me. There was only one response to that… I aimed to misbehave!
How were they rude to me you ask?
First off, they ordered me to hurry and clean out my office. Apparently, the TOA wanted to start redecorating my office. I was literally told “Get all your personal stuff out of here ASAP. She wants her office now!”. I still had a week to work there and actual work to do.
Second, the new principal tried to steal my personal chair and my personal office supplies and decorations. That chair was a gift to me from a friend. I found her just wheeling it out of my office and into her’s. My desk supplies and a banner from my wall were stack on its seat. I told her that it was my personal chair. Not the districts. She said “ok”. The very next morning, I found it missing. She had moved it into her office after I left for the day.
Third, I was given a list of tasks to complete by Friday by the TOA (who is in no way, shape, or form my boss). These were not my job to do and are in fact the incoming admins duty to complete. Stuff the new admin are supposed to do. Things like: put together a new staff packets, schedule next years PDs, fill out and submit request forms, ect..
Finally, I was talked down to every single day by the new admin team. I was spoken to as though I were the hired help and they were the Royal Bitches. Seriously, I speak to a waitress that messes up my order with 20x the amount of respect that they showed me. They actually tried to get my attention by snapping their fingers at me. Like that would work.
*Note: The new principal also has made some pretty anti-LGTBQ+ comments. I don't like narrow-minded people.
So, I decided to to as I was told. I was a soldier, so I know how to follow orders.
- I removed EVERYTHING that was my personal property. That included my chairs, decorations, the stress relievers (punching bag, ect.), the fridge from the office, and the file cabinets in my office. Yes, I bought government surplus cabinets because I didn’t have any. All my files and all of my former principal’s files were in there. I had even bought the manila folder I used in it.
- So, I took ever piece of paper out of my cabinets, removed them from my labeled folders, and stacked them on the floor into one large pile. There is no order to how they are stacked.
- I took my chair from the principals office while she was in a meeting with parents. I just walked in and rolled it out. She stopped talking to the parents to ask what I was doing, and I responded that I was taking my personal property out ASAP as I was ordered to do.
- I had an old medium sized fridge I had placed in the office work room for office staff to store their food in. But it is mine, so I took the fridge. I brought in right out the front door and loaded it into my truck. I even took the new admins food out of it and left them on the table. Its my fridge. I warned the rest of the office staff I was taking it, but forgot to tell admin. Darn.
- I copied all my digital files over to a flash drive and then deleted everything off my work Google drive. Any thing I personally created or designed.
- Copied all my emails too.
- I informed the staff that if they need time off next year and need it approved, to submit the forms to me this week. I got several and they are all now approved. I got this idea from someone who messaged me here on Reddit and suggested I do this. Thanks for the advise.
- I approved every supply list item the staff submitted and even drove to the district warehouse to pick up some items personally. I even approved funds for a second-hand kiln for the art teacher. She found a good one on Craiglist.
- I had repaired my desk with bolts and tool from home. I took the bolts back. The desk is now lopsided again. The closet door was broken when I got there. So I repaired it. I have now put it back as it was when I was hired.
- The two way mirror to the detention room was mine. I had gotten it from a friend at another school (different district). It allowed me to watch ISS and detention students from my office without them seeing me. It popped that right out and took it home. Now the TOA has a hole in the wall the detention kids can look through.
- I had put together all the lockdown buckets and fire drill bags myself with my own money. I took all of them back. This I felt bad about, but i will give them out to the staff at my new school.
- I put a rush order on all classroom and building repairs and have an approved order to have every classroom repainted.
- I assembled new staff packets and the new school year binders. Besides the basics of what is required, I have included throughout the binders in random places:
- Dilbert cartoons,
- Famous Harry Potter quotes,
- The lyrics to Nickelback’s “How You Remind Me”, “I Kissed A Girl” by Katie Perry, “All Star” by Smashmouth, and “We Built This City” by Starship.
- A map of the area where I marked all the good places to eat lunch off campus,
- Funny Farside teacher comics,
- Cheesy “Teacher Jokes”,
- The union contact info.,
- Crosswords, sudoku, and word searches
- A list of educational lawyers.... just in case.
- I also included in the binder the admin Wifi password for them since that signal is stronger for some reason.
- I went ahead and wrote out the PD schedule for next year. Oddly, Every Wednesday is listed as ”free time” or “work in your classroom”. I’m sure they will change it, but I don’t know when they will find out what it says.
- I had a master list of donators and partners in the community. It was posted on a whiteboard in my office. I got over four dozen businesses and people in the community to help with various things or donate over the years. I spent a lot of my time building relationships with them and making deals. I took a photo of it and then I erased the list. And took the whiteboard since it was mine.
- Friday, I flew the LGBTQ+ flag instead of the state flag. I also placed LGBTQ+ flags in each classroom in case the staff want to display them.
I am expecting a call from HR today asking for my assistance setting everything back up since with all my stuff removed and erased, the admin team has to actually put in some hard work.
I’d come in. For my consultant rate. $75.00 an hour with a minimum contract for 12 hours.
Update: I Don't Work Here Anymore. Posted on July 12, 2022
So, as some of you know, I left the world of being an administrator a few weeks ago. I tried to leave behind some nice .... gifts when I left. I wasn't looking to cause problems my last few weeks, but the new admin team treated me in a way that was unacceptable. So I decided that Malcolm Reynolds had it right when he said "I aim to misbehave.".
Well, the Tuesday after I left, I received a call from HR. I ignored it. I then left for a road trip with my daughter where we went to San Francisco for a few days and went to two Giants games. Unfortunately, they lost both games. While we were on our trip, they called and emailed me at my personal email account (my work one was deleted by them). I ignored the calls and never opened the emails. My daughter and I then went to Disneyland for a few days of fun and then returned this past Friday. I then checked the voicemails and emails.
I was asked, begged, and then ordered to come to the HR for important meetings. "It is very important that we speak to you as soon as possible." is what they said repeatedly. So Yesterday I went in to the district office wearing cargo shorts, a shirt I got at Disneyland, and flip flops. I don't work there so I don't need to dress up.
When I arrived, I was originally treated like a visiting VIP. The HR manager and her assistant tried to butter me up like a Pillsbury biscuit. After a few minutes of them trying to make small talk and me then letting them know I had plans to go to lunch in 30 minutes, they got to the point. They wanted me to turn over a few things took with me that, though they belonged to me, they said were sorely needed at the school. They gave me a list from the new principal which included, but limited to:
My chair (Seriously!)
My refrigerator and appliances
My community contacts board (People/businesses that I build relationships and partnerships with)
My personally designed forms and worksheets
Two way mirror
My Lockdown Buckets and FireDrill Bags
They also wanted copies of every record I kept and notes I took on the staff and students. The notes I took on the staff were so I could personalize gifts for them and have conversations with them on their interests.
I said "No" to all those requests. I told the ladies that the furniture and appliances were mine that I brought in. I stated that the chair was a gift to me from a friend and that the new principal can afford to buy her own chair. I also stated that I left any official school/district documents there and any I took with me and/or deleted were of my own making and my intellectual property. I also stated that my contacts were developed over the years on my personal time and at personal cost to me. I also stated that everything I took, that I had submitted reimbursement, was never reimbursed. I kept my records and pay stubs. I never saw a red cent from those submissions.
They offered to pay me for some of the items and gave me a rough figure of what the district would pay me to return the fridge, the forms, buckets, bags, mirror, and contact board. I told them that I did not want to hand them over to the new admin team since they had treated me so poorly.
The asked me again and tried to reason that some of those things could be interpreted as school property. I told them that The were welcome to try and force me to return anything that was legally mine to them, but I would be willing to fight it in court. I also told them that those two new administrators made me uncomfortable and that their treatment of me could be considered making a hostile work environment. Especially when they tried to make me do their jobs for them. I then gave the HR team my lawyers info.
* Note: I dated a lawyer after my divorce for a few years and we are still good friend and she has offered herself as my "forever retained lawyer" that I can use her name and she'd help me if she could. I rarely use her name, but when I have needed her legal advice, she always comes through. I also help her with physical chores when she or her family needs help.
I then wished the lady a good school year in the term to come and left. I doubt I will ever hear from them again.
Update: Karens With Power Are As Dangerous As They Are Annoying Posted July 27, 2022
Ever notice that there are always people out there that just have to break beautiful things? The people who see a sand castle and stomp on it or the idiots who visit Stonehenge and carve their names into it. Why?
Note: The new principal is the kind of person who smiles when things go wrong because she has already thought of someone to blame it on.
So as some of you may know, I am starting my new job in a week in a half. I haven't heard back from my old district since I met with their HR department after my road trip with my daughter. But Monday I heard from the senior secretary (aka Office Goddess) of my old school. She's been at the school for something like 20 years and knows everything that is going on there. Its her turf. She cares about the kids and the staff and she is
Well, I got a call from her and she asked if I would do a welfare phone call to one of my former staff members who we will call Beth. I asked her why does she want me to call and why me instead of the someone who still works there. I don't work there any more and I am sure someone at the school would be better suited for it, like a counselor. Then she told me why she wanted me to call.
So the new principal and TOA have made many several changes to the school in their short time there. According to the Office Goddess, they have:
- Eliminated the House System. (The old principal and I created 4 Houses to have the kids compete year round for points with prizes for the top house each year.)
- Moved 8 teachers to different grade levels at the last minute. Including moving a teacher who has spent her career (15ish years) only teaching Kinder to teach the 6th grade.
- Cancelled several staff activities including the monthly breakfast bash and the Welcome Back competition (usually laser tag or bowling).
- Ordered special office desks for themselves that can be raised and lowered depending on if they want to sit or stand. (She said that the ones ordered run something like $500 a pop)
- But worst of all, the moved the librarian, Beth, to teach Middle School ELA.
Now Beth is a very kind and well like staff member. She is hard working and also adaptable. She is also certified in Early Childhood Ed., Elem. Ed, and Secondary ELA.
She also has cancer. She has been fighting it for a few years now. I've watched her struggle and keep fighting it. I've also watched a healthy athletic woman of about 130 lbs drop to a pale shadow of that which couldn't weight more than 90 lbs soaking wet.
Beth was a teacher for years at my old school, but a while back, when she found it hard to teach while going through chemo, I made her the librarian and fought to keep her at her teacher salary. The district fought me saying an aid was cheaper and could do the job. I wrote a post on here about it a while back. Officially, Beth is the school's media specialist, library arts teacher, and an ELA support specialist. Unofficially, her job is to basically reads to the younger students, encourage them to read, helps older students with their research, and helps older students learn how to cite their work.
The position also gave her plenty of time to rest, let her go to medical appointments easily, and gave her a bathroom next to her desk since she needed to go more often now. Plus it kept her pay the same and kept her health insurance going. It was a rare example of a true win win. I had an amazing librarian and she got paid, benefits, and a lighter work load so she could heal.
Well, the new principal, in all her Jar Jar Binks wisdom, has decided that Beth would be better off in a classroom again and that parent volunteers should run the library. Its saves money and puts Beth where she is useful according to the admin's twisted sense of logic. And yes, they know of Beth's condition and why she is in that post.
Beth found out Friday about the reassignment. (Yes, it is legal as her contract doesn't specify librarian. Just teacher and her pay scale level.). Beth tried to explain the situation to the idiotic woman who, if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back. But she doesn't seem to care. She says that Beth will be just fine in the classroom and will really help the kids academically.
So I called Beth yesterday and we talked for about half an hour. She told me that she may have to resign because she can't keep up with the rigors of teaching middle school ELA in her condition (which is not improving unfortunately). She is supposed to go through another cycle of chemo treatments soon. I told her I wish I could help her. She said she may just become a substitute and work when she can. She said she is covered under the husband insurance already, but ours was better.
I feel really bad for her. I suggested that she go to HR and let them know that if she is moved back into a full-time classroom that it would have a negative effect on her health and put her at risk. I also told her to get notes from her medical providers stating her case to stay in her less stressful position. I then gave her the name and phone number of a lawyer that specializes in educational law.
I also let her know that I would help her find work if she wanted me to. I have already reached out to a few people I know. I contacted my ex-wife's sister-in-law who works for a non-profit that provides digital literacy and citizenship programs for people who come to the U.S.. She said she might be able to hire her on to give remote lessons via Zoom. So lets keep our fingers crossed.
This is a perfect example of what happens when people with the compassion of Ted Bundy and the ego Donald Trump are put in-charge of others. The new admin team cares more about the budget and losing like they do something rather than whats best for the staff and students. I don't know what day in history it was when educators stopped leading schools and the politicians and the parent pleasers looking for a pay increase took over, but it was a dark day for us all.
I wish I had a happier story to share, but my old school is going to Hell in a handcart according to the Office Goddess. I wish all of you a great coming school year.
I Feel Loved: Update To I'm Not The Vice Principal Anymore? Ok. No Problem. Posted Sept 13, 2022
So here is an update to what has happened at my old school. I will say that their action make me proud, fill me with energy, and make me feel a little loved.
Now, I haven't heard from anyone in the school for the past few weeks. I have been really busy with my new teaching gig. I love my class by the way.
Well, it turns out that my misbehaving spread like a wild fire amongst the staff. My friend Tony let me know while we were watching a baseball game this weekend. Here is a summary of what has happened. I also heard from 2 of my old teachers. Here are the highlights.
- The new principal enacted new policies. Here are 3 that pissed off the staff.
- Every teacher is required to have Zoom meeting with all their parents at least once a quarter.
- Every teacher must do 2 of the following: sponsor a club, be on a committee, or coach a team.
- Lesson plan (For the next week) reviews with the TOA every Friday during prep periods.
- No office referrals for anything considered to be a minor infraction no matter how many times it happens.
- Teachers must sign in every morning in the office and out at the end of the day and record the times.
- No leaving campus without approval.
- Teacher will need to cover for other teachers that are out.
2) During the first day back meeting where she shared these changes, she apparently spoke harshly, authoritatively, and wouldn't allow the teachers to speak their mind. A "My way or the highway" atmosphere.
3) In response to the above and more, together over a dozen teacher took their "Welcome Back Baskets" (A school mug, cheap candy, Post-its, and pens) and slammed them on the principal's desk and voiced their displeasure. She threatened to write them up. They threatened to quit. This was their first day back from summer break.
4) The new principal got tired of them mentioning that I never made them do these things, so she lost it and "Disgruntled_Veteran isn't here any more. You are not to mention him anymore. I'm in charge here and he can take his retarded ideas and shovel them up his ass!" Apparently, she immediately regretted saying that an tried to back peddle.
5) Half the teacher who heard the above went to HR and filed complaints about being yelled at, the uses of the word retarded, and even claimed they felt "sexually harassed" by her statement about shoving thing in my ass. I don't know how serious HR took them.
6) Multiple staff members threatened to not renew their contracts at the end of the year. They said they can get teacher jobs anywhere due to the shortage. One even threatened to give her 30 days notice right there.
6) Multiple staff members complained to the union who contacted the district and stated that the policy changes that were not in place last year and not in their contracts.
7) Two staff members complained to the union and HR about the principal removing the LGBTQ+ flags from their classrooms. They aren't in FL.
8) The Superintendent had a meeting with the principal. Tony couldn't get into all the details, but basically she was told that if she doesn't drop the bullshit, stop pissing the staff off, and gets any more serious complaints that she will be removed from her post.
My old staff members said that for the past two weeks, she hasn't left her office. She never see her and only the TOA is sending emails. I guess only the TOA is running Wednesday meetings and she is clueless on what to do and wastes a lot of time.
So the staff stood up for themselves (and me to a point) and they came out on top! I am very proud of them.
According to a comment, u/DisgruntledVeteran advised Beth is now working somewhere else, with a health plan and kindness.
Admin Wants Sex Schedules posted February 18, 2023
So my last school school, as well as its district, are real shit show. Some of you might have seen my post in the past about when I left the vice principal position there and the new school administration didn't take it so well.
Well, I've been so busy lately that I hadn't really chatted with any of the people from that school in the past month or two. Life, right? Well, last night I ran into a couple of coworkers at TGI Fridays. They asked me to join them and promised me some fantastic information. How could I refuse?
So apparently the principal of their school, a recently demoted assistant superintendent, has been gone for the last 2 days. Apparently at the Wednesday staff meeting she made the comment that there were currently five members of the staff who were pregnant. She then mentioned that she is struggling to find people to be able to cover the maternity leave for the teachers that I'll be out before the school year ends. And also that it would be difficult to find coverage at the beginning of the school year for anyone who's going to miss the first few weeks or month of it. She then said something really really stupid. She said:
"If anyone here is planning on trying to have a kid or planning on doing anything that could get you pregnant, can you please talk to me first so we can see if it'll fit into the schedule."
Now, maybe she meant it as a joke. However, she's not very well liked it that school and that was enough for several members of the staff, including two of the pregnant ones, to go down to HR and complain right after the meeting.
Thursday morning the principal was not there and they were told by the instructional coordinator that she would be off campus until further notice and all inquiries and problems should be directed towards her instead. Come friday, still not back. Then some people did some digging and it turns out that the principal may be on a suspension for making comments of a sexual nature towards the staff and asking them to coordinate their sex schedules with her.
As far as my former co-workers know, they have no idea when she's coming back, but her instructional coordinator has already told them that many of her meetings next week are canceled and that she'll be taken over several of the planned meetings.
So as a warning to all administrators out there, don't ask us to tell you when we plan to have sex.
Sex Schedule Principal is Back Posted February 25, 2023
I was having a game night last night and some former colleagues from my old school came by for some Cards Against Humanity and Munchkin. I asked if their boss came back yet. And they gave me the run down.
So she returned on Wednesday. Exactly one week after the incident. She showed up to the Wednesday staff meeting. And she wasn't alone. Someone from HR and an asst. superintendent was with her.
Before the regular meeting began, the principal gave a short speech. Somewhere in it was a brief "I'm sorry" followed by repeated remarks about not taking every joke seriously and coming to her directly if there is a problem. Neither HR nor the asst. super spoke up or stopped her.
At some point in the rant, two of the most veteran teachers grabbed their stuff and walked out of the room. I guess HR followed them out, spoke to them, and brought them back in a few minutes later.
After the cesspool of a speech was over she continued to run the meeting like nothing happened. the HR rep and asst. super sat in back watching.
Apparently, several people went to the HR rep after the meeting to voice their problems with them going directly to her or that they shouldn't take jokes seriously. They were all told to schedule an appointment to speak to HR if they have concerns. Those same people then went to the principal's office to complain about her "apology". She told them to schedule individual meetings with her through "her secretary". She doesn't have a secretary anymore. That person resigned months ago and was not replaced due to the budget. The principal forced the front office receptionist to act as her personal secretary.
This just goes to show that the principal, a recently demoted asst. super, has something on the higher ups or the district itself. Something that is allowing her to keep her post for the rest of the year.
If she does any other stupid stuff and I hear about it, then I'll share it. I guess the scuttlebutt is that no matter what, she will not be offered a position for next year. I heard she is already applying for other admin positions as they appear online
2023.02.10 08:11 subreddit_stats Subreddit Stats: jobs top posts from 2012-04-04 to 2023-02-09 09:00 PDT
Period: 3962.53 days
submitted by subreddit_stats to subreddit_stats [link] [comments]
| Submissions | Comments | |
|---|---|---|
| Total | 999 | 197452 |
| Rate (per day) | 0.25 | 49.82 |
| Unique Redditors | 828 | 60976 |
| Combined Score | 1039354 | 2546851 |
Top Submitters' Top Submissions
- 21902 points, 17 submissions: AlexanderDenorius
- Stop demanding Bachelor and Master degrees for Jobs a Monkey could do! (2142 points, 385 comments)
- It doesnt matter how good you do your work. It only matters how good your boss thinks you do it. (1935 points, 169 comments)
- This Job Market is absolutely contradictory and insane - something has to give soon (1824 points, 303 comments)
- Employers dont want competent people - they want positive people (1657 points, 263 comments)
- Job requirements are insane and unfair (1541 points, 305 comments)
- The Job Market is absolutely insane in what it demands from the employees (1512 points, 281 comments)
- F**k this job market! (1491 points, 496 comments)
- Job requirements are so insane that even people who had the job for years wouldnt get it if they had to apply (1412 points, 301 comments)
- It is not your fault if you cannot get a good paying job. The system is broken. (1295 points, 346 comments)
- The workers shortage is everywhere - yet Ghosting is rampant and went through the roof (1130 points, 253 comments)
- 11933 points, 2 submissions: SheetsGiggles
- I'm an ex-recruiter for some of the top companies in the world. I've screened tens of thousands of resumes, and today I published my preferred resume format, free to download as a Word doc, along with some general resume advice. (10760 points, 942 comments)
- Part Deux of the Top Post Of All Time™ on /jobs: "I'm an ex-recruiter for some of the top companies in the world. I've screened tens of thousands of resumes, and today I published my preferred resume format, free to download as a Word doc, along with some general resume advice." (1173 points, 144 comments)
- 8523 points, 5 submissions: SirDackADoo
- UPDATE 3: I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month (3832 points, 1266 comments)
- I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month (1765 points, 246 comments)
- UPDATE 2: I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month (1050 points, 276 comments)
- UPDATE: I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month (988 points, 168 comments)
- UPDATE 4: I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month (888 points, 97 comments)
- 7007 points, 1 submission: akidnamedjamie
- We need more people like this (7007 points, 282 comments)
- 6558 points, 1 submission: eattherichstars
- A 9-5 job that pays a living is now a luxury. (6558 points, 1116 comments)
- 6265 points, 1 submission: his_rotundity_
- A Warning About Glassdoor (6265 points, 483 comments)
- 5455 points, 1 submission: Surprisinglysound
- America is not lacking in skilled employees, America is lacking in companies willing to hire and train people in entry level roles (5455 points, 506 comments)
- 5393 points, 2 submissions: sts816
- I am so fed up with every company's complete lack of proper training. Every single job is just dropping right in the deep end and hoping for the best. (4742 points, 562 comments)
- I really hate how insanely specific job requirements have gotten. (651 points, 133 comments)
- 5318 points, 1 submission: Extractvanilla
- Most caess (5318 points, 232 comments)
- 4899 points, 1 submission: bromygod203
- Put my notice in. My boss lost it (4899 points, 484 comments)
- 4783 points, 2 submissions: mp90
- NYC Just Passed a Law Requiring Employers to Post Salary Ranges in Job Ads (4046 points, 221 comments)
- Experienced hires: Don't be afraid to maintain your dignity and end a bad interview (737 points, 81 comments)
- 4678 points, 3 submissions: Tiredworker27
- Why do jobs require so much more from workers than 50 years ago? (1852 points, 586 comments)
- Bosses will prefer likable bootlickers and pseudo positive people over competent and cautious people every damn time (1722 points, 266 comments)
- Job interviews are becoming ridiculous (1104 points, 354 comments)
- 4561 points, 1 submission: RebootJobs
- 3 👏 to 👏 5 👏 years 👏 is 👏 NOT 👏 entry 👏 level (4561 points, 422 comments)
- 3894 points, 3 submissions: MichaelPraetorius
- 1 year ago, I lost my job due to the virus. I struggled with meaningless jobs, addiction, self-identity issues, and loss of all hope. 2 months ago I had an idea. Today, I bought a domain name. 6 clients and $900 later, I'm my own f-cking boss now. (1908 points, 98 comments)
- I am so incredibly tired of being offered $17/hr-$19/hr to do lead analytical scientific research for billion dollar companies. (1429 points, 355 comments)
- HIRED! How I went from psychotic and laid off, to picky and hired! A story from the unemployed. (557 points, 43 comments)
- 3869 points, 1 submission: Bluorchid2
- 3824 points, 1 submission: fabrar
- LinkedIn has turned into a glorified Facebook (3824 points, 451 comments)
- 3659 points, 2 submissions: Just-Enthusiasm-710
- How am I supposed to find time to live a life at all when I’m working 40 hours a week plus a 2 hour commute total each day? (3101 points, 634 comments)
- I’m either depressed that I don’t have a job or I’m depressed about having one (558 points, 126 comments)
- 3619 points, 2 submissions: 10pumpsclassic
- I had an amazing interview to a dream job but didn't get it. I asked why just out of desperation, here's what he said. Hopefully, you can use my dismay to your benefit! (2877 points, 275 comments)
- Does anyone feel like the COVID-19 pandemic has set their careers back? (742 points, 294 comments)
- 3597 points, 4 submissions: rarelywearamask
- The President of the company I worked for asked me in the elevator to justify my continued employment with the company! (998 points, 347 comments)
- My boss told me he expected at least 60 hours a week from his staff. (Is this common in management?) (908 points, 466 comments)
- I was FIRED from my white collar professional position but given 6 weeks to clean out my desk and offered a positive reference if I stayed the six weeks! (888 points, 210 comments)
- Have you been asked to resign from your job? (803 points, 341 comments)
- 3562 points, 4 submissions: ZiggoCiP
- An entry level part time job should not require two years of experience. (1160 points, 170 comments)
- This is how you attract and retain employees when your state minimum wage is $9.65 (FL) (1035 points, 156 comments)
- Employers complain about nobody wanting to work, then lie about job requirements and benefits (712 points, 92 comments)
- [OC] Hourly Wage Converted to Yearly Salary (655 points, 99 comments)
- 3555 points, 1 submission: Coltonn_
- 3550 points, 1 submission: solojones1138
- Don't let your job kill you (3550 points, 199 comments)
- 3268 points, 3 submissions: clarity804
- I GOT A CALL BACK (1498 points, 164 comments)
- I GOT A JOB!!(update) (1066 points, 79 comments)
- GOT AN INTERVIEW WITH CRACKER BARREL ON MONDAY (704 points, 72 comments)
- 3199 points, 2 submissions: Alvarez09
- Stop asking me what my longterm goals are. I just want to work and go home. (2350 points, 284 comments)
- Can we just admit that most workplaces are toxic, and in general our work culture is horrible? (849 points, 153 comments)
- 3143 points, 1 submission: EssentiaLillie
- Make up your mind (3143 points, 156 comments)
- 3098 points, 1 submission: FreddiePeterson
- Thoughts on this? (3098 points, 327 comments)
- 3067 points, 1 submission: redditisrandom
- I love it when you apply for a job, get no response, and then they relist the position. I just apply again. I'm unemployed, dude, I can do this all day. (3067 points, 204 comments)
- 3049 points, 1 submission: scottbrand
- Should you do this after you received a job offer? (3049 points, 201 comments)
- 2937 points, 3 submissions: syracuse2019
- I treat my job like a movie where I’m an actor. (1260 points, 128 comments)
- Anyone else work a full time corporate job and feel like a clueless 5 year old half the time? (930 points, 189 comments)
- Anyone else experience guilt with Work From Home and not being busy 100% of the time? (747 points, 246 comments)
- 2930 points, 1 submission: Throwaway37261930
- I automated almost all of my job (2930 points, 469 comments)
- 2873 points, 1 submission: ARDaddy9
- Serious: I walked into my CEOs office and thanked him (2873 points, 126 comments)
- 2831 points, 1 submission: jobud368
- I printed HR lunch policy. Now my lead cried and reported me. (2831 points, 462 comments)
- 2803 points, 1 submission: Tempintern23
- Employers this is why you aren't getting any employees. (2803 points, 266 comments)
- 2779 points, 1 submission: welldoneslytherin
- Your place of work is not your family. They are not your friends. They won’t be at the most important moments of your life. Do not be fooled into thinking otherwise. (2779 points, 249 comments)
- 2732 points, 2 submissions: Royal_Plum
- Update: After heeding advice from Reddit I spoke to my boss and flat out told them I was not driving to the new office 100 miles away. (1685 points, 113 comments)
- Boss has decided that I need to travel to an office which is 100 miles away, is this taking the biscuit or a am I being a Gen Z Snowflake here? (1047 points, 523 comments)
- 2697 points, 1 submission: Comrade-Kek
- 2692 points, 2 submissions: ddh85
- A brief look at life as an employee for Kellogg's (1774 points, 126 comments)
- Are you going to make it? (918 points, 36 comments)
- 2687 points, 3 submissions: Notalabel_4566
- Anyone a little disgusted with all the lay offed people kissing Googles arses when they got layed off? (1078 points, 203 comments)
- Why are companies ending WFH when it saves so much time as well as the resources required to maintain the office space? (913 points, 511 comments)
- What are some harsh truths that jobs needs to hear? (696 points, 898 comments)
- 2677 points, 1 submission: CompetitiveCow2319
- I got a job I'm grossly underqualified for (2677 points, 432 comments)
- 2524 points, 1 submission: mothrofturtles
- Salary decreased post-offer (2524 points, 710 comments)
- 2516 points, 1 submission: kipendo
- Just a bit of levity for everyone. (2516 points, 66 comments)
- 2509 points, 1 submission: elizabeth31095
- Why are we going back to the office after 3 years of successful remote work? (2509 points, 1065 comments)
- 2498 points, 1 submission: VeryProidChintu
- When u apply... (2498 points, 75 comments)
- 2497 points, 1 submission: wattabutter
- Job provided uniforms, took $50 out of my first 10 checks to pay for said uniforms, now they’re requesting I return the uniforms, without getting my $500 back. What do I do? (2497 points, 430 comments)
- 2479 points, 2 submissions: CM_4321
- Having to make an account just to fill out a job application is so frustrating. (1325 points, 140 comments)
- Anyone else feel cheated after graduating college? (1154 points, 407 comments)
- 2447 points, 2 submissions: NYCambition21
- I seriously can’t understand why you managers always say “we’re looking for someone who isn’t here for just a paycheck” (1774 points, 299 comments)
- Recruiters and hiring managers, how did this whole experience level get so bad? (673 points, 316 comments)
- 2411 points, 1 submission: Spurlyfry
- Companies and corporations do not care about you. Please put your health and wellness before them. (2411 points, 268 comments)
- 2391 points, 1 submission: azyoulikeit
- 2376 points, 1 submission: MadroTunes
- If there is a "labour shortage", then why are employers so picky? (2376 points, 537 comments)
- 2348 points, 1 submission: onlyfoools
- my boss handed my resignation letter back to me (2348 points, 191 comments)
Top Commenters
- OliviaPresteign (9995 points, 51 comments)
- hey12107 (7143 points, 5 comments)
- mp90 (5275 points, 99 comments)
- cheap_dates (5267 points, 293 comments)
- -Rho-Aias (5235 points, 41 comments)
- fearofdestruct (5146 points, 1 comment)
- Mojojojo3030 (4507 points, 278 comments)
- pleasegetittogether (4320 points, 28 comments)
- whotiesyourshoes (4221 points, 58 comments)
- lenswipe (3972 points, 152 comments)
- notevenapro (3709 points, 57 comments)
- Twinzee2 (3602 points, 2 comments)
- ddh85 (3581 points, 121 comments)
- Violet_Sky212 (3545 points, 31 comments)
- omgFWTbear (3535 points, 155 comments)
- maceman10006 (3492 points, 24 comments)
- puterTDI (3347 points, 211 comments)
- TomorrowIllBeYou (3274 points, 32 comments)
- mickeyflinn (3271 points, 40 comments)
- iguanidae (3115 points, 2 comments)
- raven080068 (3009 points, 12 comments)
- Picnicpanther (2920 points, 43 comments)
- Healthy_Razzmatazz38 (2891 points, 1 comment)
- queen-of-carthage (2871 points, 81 comments)
- Knowmostofit (2866 points, 1 comment)
- BurningOrangeHeaven (2841 points, 133 comments)
- Chazzyphant (2834 points, 196 comments)
- arcxiii (2779 points, 4 comments)
- willfully_hopeful (2717 points, 72 comments)
- Electrical-Site7455 (2583 points, 1 comment)
- SheetsGiggles (2571 points, 205 comments)
- Crist1n4 (2525 points, 8 comments)
- QuitaQuites (2434 points, 138 comments)
- Radiant2021 (2409 points, 50 comments)
- Desertbro (2406 points, 172 comments)
- -MACHO-MAN- (2387 points, 55 comments)
- EyeWantItThatWay (2387 points, 9 comments)
- PunditusMaximus (2343 points, 71 comments)
- anonymous_opinions (2337 points, 141 comments)
- shaoting (2328 points, 84 comments)
- penorgold (2328 points, 1 comment)
- devanchya (2322 points, 41 comments)
- gatonegro97 (2304 points, 3 comments)
- Lilliputian0513 (2301 points, 51 comments)
- Wunderlandtripzz (2246 points, 13 comments)
- The_Sign_of_Zeta (2236 points, 51 comments)
- vanillax2018 (2231 points, 56 comments)
- Jaded_Cryptographer (2184 points, 6 comments)
- Wayfarer776 (2184 points, 1 comment)
- xbrixe (2164 points, 28 comments)
Top Submissions
- So real talk. Why are so may $30k to $40k per year jobs requiring a bachelors degree? by deleted (13240 points, 4109 comments)
- I'm an ex-recruiter for some of the top companies in the world. I've screened tens of thousands of resumes, and today I published my preferred resume format, free to download as a Word doc, along with some general resume advice. by SheetsGiggles (10760 points, 942 comments)
- We need more people like this by akidnamedjamie (7007 points, 282 comments)
- A 9-5 job that pays a living is now a luxury. by eattherichstars (6558 points, 1116 comments)
- A Warning About Glassdoor by his_rotundity_ (6265 points, 483 comments)
- America is not lacking in skilled employees, America is lacking in companies willing to hire and train people in entry level roles by Surprisinglysound (5455 points, 506 comments)
- Most caess by Extractvanilla (5318 points, 232 comments)
- Put my notice in. My boss lost it by bromygod203 (4899 points, 484 comments)
- I am so fed up with every company's complete lack of proper training. Every single job is just dropping right in the deep end and hoping for the best. by sts816 (4742 points, 562 comments)
- 3 👏 to 👏 5 👏 years 👏 is 👏 NOT 👏 entry 👏 level by RebootJobs (4561 points, 422 comments)
Top Comments
- 6931 points: hey12107's comment in So real talk. Why are so may $30k to $40k per year jobs requiring a bachelors degree?
- 5146 points: fearofdestruct's comment in So real talk. Why are so may $30k to $40k per year jobs requiring a bachelors degree?
- 3196 points: Twinzee2's comment in So real talk. Why are so may $30k to $40k per year jobs requiring a bachelors degree?
- 3112 points: iguanidae's comment in UPDATE 3: I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month
- 2891 points: Healthy_Razzmatazz38's comment in How to handle distant employee after performance review?
- 2866 points: Knowmostofit's comment in So real talk. Why are so may $30k to $40k per year jobs requiring a bachelors degree?
- 2583 points: Electrical-Site7455's comment in I resigned today. My boss is quite upset and is asking me to document every single task I’ve completed over 6 months of employment.
- 2328 points: penorgold's comment in Fired on my 4th day
- 2300 points: gatonegro97's comment in I printed HR lunch policy. Now my lead cried and reported me.
- 2214 points: Crist1n4's comment in Salary decreased post-offer
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2023.02.03 12:09 research_insights ESG Strategies in 2023 and Beyond in Healthy Snack Industry
Responsible Environmental, Social and Governance (ESG) strategies have become instrumental to create growth and value for stakeholders in the healthy snack industry. Equitable and sustainable access to food through diversity, inclusion and well-being could hold prominence across developing and developed countries. Accelerating sustainability efforts have become paramount amidst the COVID-19 pandemic and Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. Prominently, climate change has led to crop failures, extreme weather, supply chain bottlenecks and food shortages. The prevailing situation warrants a renewed focus on sustainability—an approach that is in line with an environmentally friendly food system.
Lately, regenerative agriculture has come to the fore with the need to reduce carbon footprint gaining ground. Brands have shown traction to minimize tillage and foster a regenerative supply chain. Food and beverage manufacturers are poised to play a pivotal role in tackling greenhouse gas emissions. Sourcing ingredients through regenerative agriculture could be the new normal and gain ground across retailers. Climate-friendly snack companies are likely to show traction for regenerative farming to create a resilient ecosystem and boost food security. Leading players are working closely with farmers to make soil healthier, foster biodiversity, enhance watershed health and bolster farming communities. For instance, PepsiCo aims at spreading regenerative agriculture practices to 7 million acres by 2030.
Uptake in ESG investments provides a promising opportunity to align financial gains with upsides for the environment and society. With the prevalence of suboptimal nutrition denting the brand value and fiscal performance of the food sector, snacks with a strong ESG profile could be the game changer. Industry players have reinforced traction to enhance products and recapture packaging materials, minimize GHG emissions, replenish water and expedite changes required to address climate change.
Discover more regarding the practices and strategies being implemented by industry participants form the Healthy Snack Industry ESG Thematic Report, 2023, published by Astra ESG Solutions
Sustainable snacking companies are slated to emphasize ambitious ESG goals—Mondelēz is on course to use 5% recycled plastic content by 2025, including Philadelphia tubs and Cadbury Dairy Milk sharing bars. The company intends to have 100% renewable electricity in 6 of its U.K. production sites and a reduction of 21% in Scope 1 and 2 CO2e emissions (baseline 2018). The snacking company has set a net zero GHG emissions by 2050 and is injecting funds into Circulate Capital Ocean Fund to underpin the collection of plastic waste. In September, it also issued its first green bond, depicting Mondelēz’s commitment to propel the ESG agenda.
Environmentally friendly snacking has amassed popularity with major players gearing to provide the right product, made the right way for the right moment. For instance, Mondelēz noted that the majority of dairy materials were purchased from suppliers functioning under animal welfare schemes. The U.S. multinational company aims for a 15% reduction in food waste in internal manufacturing sites and a 10% reduction in absolute water usage in priority sites by 2025. Moreover, the company also noted that 100% wheat volume is required for Europe business unit biscuits production under the Harmony charter by 2022.
The U.S. company has upped its focus on gender diversity and boosted equity and inclusion in the workforce. Kellogg suggested that around 44% of the global roles were filled by women at the management level. The American company expressed contemplation for gender 50/50 parity at the management level by 2025. The company has also recognized the significance of women in the agriculture sector and is identifying areas of the supply chain with the highest presence of women. Moreover, in 2020, Kellogg published its Global Human Rights Policy, reinforcing salient human rights risks and human rights strategy.
Is your business one of participants to the Global Mattress Industry? Contact us for focused consultation around ESG Investing, and help you build sustainable business practices.
Nestlé mentioned in its Creating Shared Value and Sustainability Report 2021 that it appointed 11 new independent directors since 2015. Moreover, the food & beverage company also ran a series of Food Systems Summit Dialogues offering inputs on innovation for food systems transformations, mainstreaming regenerative agriculture and how to make nutritious diets more accessible, affordable and adequate. It is also expected to vouch for policies that assist in whole grains consumption and is committing to minimize sodium in frequently consumed products by 2025 and 2030. Besides, it conducts a materiality assessment every two years to help identify the economic, social and environmental aspects.
Business leaders and ESG subject matter experts are vying to drive positive change through partnerships, product launches, innovations and technology advancements that address sustainability. To illustrate, in May 2021, Hershey announced the acquisition of Lily’s Confectionery Brand to bolster its zero-sugar product offerings. It could help the former underscore the use of innovative sugars in snacks. With innovations and industry-wide developments emphasizing ESG, the healthy snack market could witness a CAGR of 6.6% during the assessment period. A renewed focus on the environment, health, safety and climate policy could steer the growth trajectory.
Astra offers comprehensive ESG thematic assessment & scores across diverse impact & socially responsible investment topics, including both public and private companies along with intuitive dashboards. Our ESG solutions are powered by robust fundamental & alternative information. Astra specializes in consulting services that equip corporates and the investment community with the in-depth ESG research and actionable insight they need to support their bottom lines and their values. We have supported our clients across diverse ESG consulting projects & advisory services, including climate strategies & assessment, ESG benchmarking, stakeholder engagement programs, active ownership, developing ESG investment strategies, ESG data services, build corporate sustainability reports. Astra team includes a pool of industry experts and ESG enthusiasts who possess extensive end-end ESG research and consulting experience at a global level.
For more ESG Thematic reports, please visit Astra ESG Solutions, powered by Grand View Research
submitted by research_insights to u/research_insights [link] [comments]
Lately, regenerative agriculture has come to the fore with the need to reduce carbon footprint gaining ground. Brands have shown traction to minimize tillage and foster a regenerative supply chain. Food and beverage manufacturers are poised to play a pivotal role in tackling greenhouse gas emissions. Sourcing ingredients through regenerative agriculture could be the new normal and gain ground across retailers. Climate-friendly snack companies are likely to show traction for regenerative farming to create a resilient ecosystem and boost food security. Leading players are working closely with farmers to make soil healthier, foster biodiversity, enhance watershed health and bolster farming communities. For instance, PepsiCo aims at spreading regenerative agriculture practices to 7 million acres by 2030.
Uptake in ESG investments provides a promising opportunity to align financial gains with upsides for the environment and society. With the prevalence of suboptimal nutrition denting the brand value and fiscal performance of the food sector, snacks with a strong ESG profile could be the game changer. Industry players have reinforced traction to enhance products and recapture packaging materials, minimize GHG emissions, replenish water and expedite changes required to address climate change.
Discover more regarding the practices and strategies being implemented by industry participants form the Healthy Snack Industry ESG Thematic Report, 2023, published by Astra ESG Solutions
Mondelēz Underscores Environmental Portfolio
Investments in resilient and sustainable food supply chains could protect the environment and propel a transition to regenerative practices. Amidst possible repercussions of climate change, robust initiatives to minimize environmental impact have become pronounced. In June 2022, Mondelēz International exhibited bullish initiatives, including a reduction in water usage, packaging and greenhouse gas emissions in its 2021 Snacking Made Right Report.Sustainable snacking companies are slated to emphasize ambitious ESG goals—Mondelēz is on course to use 5% recycled plastic content by 2025, including Philadelphia tubs and Cadbury Dairy Milk sharing bars. The company intends to have 100% renewable electricity in 6 of its U.K. production sites and a reduction of 21% in Scope 1 and 2 CO2e emissions (baseline 2018). The snacking company has set a net zero GHG emissions by 2050 and is injecting funds into Circulate Capital Ocean Fund to underpin the collection of plastic waste. In September, it also issued its first green bond, depicting Mondelēz’s commitment to propel the ESG agenda.
Environmentally friendly snacking has amassed popularity with major players gearing to provide the right product, made the right way for the right moment. For instance, Mondelēz noted that the majority of dairy materials were purchased from suppliers functioning under animal welfare schemes. The U.S. multinational company aims for a 15% reduction in food waste in internal manufacturing sites and a 10% reduction in absolute water usage in priority sites by 2025. Moreover, the company also noted that 100% wheat volume is required for Europe business unit biscuits production under the Harmony charter by 2022.
Kellogg Prioritizes Social Commitment
Healthy snack brands are bolstering communities and investing in sustainable access to food with improved quality of life for families and people with nutritious and accessible options. Social equity and opportunities with diversity and inclusion have provided a fillip to the industry profile. Brands are measuring their impact on farm families and employees. Some of the dynamics, such as safe and healthy working conditions, gender participation and financial literacy could be pronounced. For instance, in August 2022, Kellogg announced its ambitious goal of creating better days for 3 billion people by 2030. The company noted in its annual ESG report (illustrating achievements from 2015 through 2021) that around 800 million people were nourished with its foods, while it fed 219 million people grappling with hunger or crisis. Additionally, the globally popular brand also backed 445,000 farmers, several of whom were women and smallholders.The U.S. company has upped its focus on gender diversity and boosted equity and inclusion in the workforce. Kellogg suggested that around 44% of the global roles were filled by women at the management level. The American company expressed contemplation for gender 50/50 parity at the management level by 2025. The company has also recognized the significance of women in the agriculture sector and is identifying areas of the supply chain with the highest presence of women. Moreover, in 2020, Kellogg published its Global Human Rights Policy, reinforcing salient human rights risks and human rights strategy.
Is your business one of participants to the Global Mattress Industry? Contact us for focused consultation around ESG Investing, and help you build sustainable business practices.
Nestle Adds Value to ESG with Investments in Governance
At a time when the regenerative food system has gained a massive uptick, governance has received notable traction among investors, regulators and other stakeholders. Implementation of ESG-related performance indicators has gained ground. In 2021, Nestlé rolled out a new structure for managing ESG topics and its Board of Directors created a dedicated and distinct Sustainability Committee to review the company’s sustainability agenda and boost shared value. The ESG and Sustainability Council offers strategic leadership, governance and execution guidance and advises Nestlé’s Executive Board on making science-based and informed decisions.Nestlé mentioned in its Creating Shared Value and Sustainability Report 2021 that it appointed 11 new independent directors since 2015. Moreover, the food & beverage company also ran a series of Food Systems Summit Dialogues offering inputs on innovation for food systems transformations, mainstreaming regenerative agriculture and how to make nutritious diets more accessible, affordable and adequate. It is also expected to vouch for policies that assist in whole grains consumption and is committing to minimize sodium in frequently consumed products by 2025 and 2030. Besides, it conducts a materiality assessment every two years to help identify the economic, social and environmental aspects.
Business leaders and ESG subject matter experts are vying to drive positive change through partnerships, product launches, innovations and technology advancements that address sustainability. To illustrate, in May 2021, Hershey announced the acquisition of Lily’s Confectionery Brand to bolster its zero-sugar product offerings. It could help the former underscore the use of innovative sugars in snacks. With innovations and industry-wide developments emphasizing ESG, the healthy snack market could witness a CAGR of 6.6% during the assessment period. A renewed focus on the environment, health, safety and climate policy could steer the growth trajectory.
About Astra – ESG Solutions By Grand View Research
Astra is the Environmental, Social, and Governance (ESG) arm of Grand View Research Inc. – a global market research publishing & management consulting firm.Astra offers comprehensive ESG thematic assessment & scores across diverse impact & socially responsible investment topics, including both public and private companies along with intuitive dashboards. Our ESG solutions are powered by robust fundamental & alternative information. Astra specializes in consulting services that equip corporates and the investment community with the in-depth ESG research and actionable insight they need to support their bottom lines and their values. We have supported our clients across diverse ESG consulting projects & advisory services, including climate strategies & assessment, ESG benchmarking, stakeholder engagement programs, active ownership, developing ESG investment strategies, ESG data services, build corporate sustainability reports. Astra team includes a pool of industry experts and ESG enthusiasts who possess extensive end-end ESG research and consulting experience at a global level.
For more ESG Thematic reports, please visit Astra ESG Solutions, powered by Grand View Research
2023.01.31 15:53 Engineering_Savings Can Bluetooth Bone Conduction Headphones Damage Hearing and Cause Hearing Loss?
 | At a normal volume, Bluetooth bone conduction headphones do not damage hearing or cause hearing loss.Compared with traditional headphones, it is a kind of healthy headphone with the least hearing damage.This is determined by their working principle. submitted by Engineering_Savings to HeyNewGadget [link] [comments] How do Bluetooth bone conduction headphones work?First, let's look at how we hear sound. The sound we hear every day, generally through the vibration of the air, first reaches the ear and vibrates the eardrum. The vibration transmitted to the eardrum further vibrates the auditory ossicles, and finally reaches the spiral organ - the cochlea, so that the sound can be perceived.However, there are other ways of transmitting sound to the cochlea besides passing it through the eardrum. In fact, by vibrating the "bones" like vibrating air, the vibrations are transmitted to the cochlea. When the vibration reaches the cochlea, the cochlea perceives the sound and transmits the it to the brain center to form hearing. This is the sound transmission principle of bone conduction. In our daily life, there are many cases of hearing sound through bone conduction. For example, when we eat biscuits, we can clearly hear the sound of the biscuits being crushed. Dolphins and whales are some of the best bone conduction animals in nature, using the bones near their jaws to catch vibrations in the water to hear sound. Bone conduction headphones are products that use bone conduction technology. When they work, they usually attach the sounding unit to the bones near the temple. When the vocal units vibrate, they vibrate the skull and transmit the vibrations to the cochlea, allowing sound to be heard. This is how Bluetooth bone conduction headphones work. Can Bluetooth bone conduction headphones damage hearing?Bluetooth Bone conduction headphones do not damage hearing, in fact, they are the headphones that cause the least damage to hearing, and are very healthy and safe for the ears.Bone conduction headphones do a good job of protecting the eardrum. Because the eardrum is not required to produce sound and transmit sound, it avoids possible damage to the eardrum caused by sound wave vibration. When they transmit sound, they don't need to use the ear canal, and they don't need to be plugged into the ear canal or wrap the ear canal when they are used, so they can keep the ear canal clean and hygienic, thereby minimizing ear diseases such as otitis media. Bluetooth Bone conduction headphones do less damage to the cochlea. Because the vibration waves of bone conduction are relatively gentle and stable, they cause little damage to the cochlea. In addition,Bluetooth bone conduction headphones have very little damage to the auditory nerve, because their electromagnetic waves are very weak, which is the same intensity as the electromagnetic waves existing in nature, so they will not cause damage to the human brain and hearing nerves. Therefore, Bluetooth bone conduction headphones not only do not damage hearing but also protect hearing well. Compared with traditional in-ear headphones, they are healthier and safer for the ears. In addition to health and safety, bone conduction headphones have many advantages, such as they are more comfortable to wear, have a high waterproof level, and can be suitable for more sports scenes, etc. These unprecedented advantages have also made the headphones more and more popular. There are more and more brands of Bluetooth bone conduction headphones in the market, so how to choose the right one?My suggestion is to pay attention to the two key points: sound quality and sound leakage reduction, and choose the brands with better technology accumulation.Here are five best bone conduction headphones for you all. 1.Wissonly Hi Runner Bluetooth bone conduction headphonesRecommended reason: I noticed Wissonly Bluetooth bone conduction headphones when they were first crowdfunded online. And later, I saw that some otologists were recommending them on online forums, so I bought them. This Hi Runner is their flagship product whose overall functionality is also the most perfect. The headphone use the latest research from the Wissonly lab. It increases the vibrating area of the vibrator by 35% and optimizes the direction of sound transmission to make the sound more concentrated, resulting in a wider range and more spatial of the music. The brand claims that its sound quality is HI-FI level, and I actually tested it myself. I thought that the sound quality was very close to HI-FI level, but it did not reach this level. Of course, the current sound quality is satisfactory enough. Wissonly Hi Runner Bluetooth bone conduction headphones are also equipped with a new Bluetooth 5.0 chip that has stronger anti-interference ability, that can easily cope with various complex outdoor scenes, and ensures the good mood during exercise is not disturbed by disconnection. At the same time, the stable connection also brings low latency performance, and there is no problem in listening to songs, following dramas, and playing games. What's more, they have 32G of built-in memory that can store 5,000 songs. This helps you to enjoy music when you are exercising outdoors without your phone. In terms of comfort, the Wissonly Hi Runner performs well, it is very light, only less than 30g, and it does not feel any weight to wear. The body is made of titanium alloy which makes it have a good fit, and you don't need to worry about their falling off during sports. The waterproof of the Wissonly Hi Runner deserves special mention, and it is IPX8 grade. It means that you can carry it underwater for up to 20 meters and still use it normally, which is crazy! 2. Philips A6606 Bluetooth Bluetooth bone conduction headphonesRecommended reason: Philips A6606 adopts the rear hanging design of titanium alloy frame, which can be stable no matter jumping or running. Its surface is made of soft and skin-friendly silicone material, which makes it comfortable to wear, and the body of it is relatively light, so there is no sense of weight to wear. The biggest feature of A6606 is that its headphones are equipped with LED night lights, which is a thoughtful design for people who like fun runs, and can remind pedestrians, cyclists and drivers behind them to avoid it at night. Very suitable for night running. 3.AfterShokz OPENRUN PRO Bluetooth bone conduction headphonesRecommended reason: Openrun Pro is the flagship product of Aftershokz, which is equipped with PremiumPitch 2.0+ technology, with good overall sound quality, rich low frequency sound, delicate intermediate frequency sound and strong high frequency sound penetration! It's IP67 waterproof, and it's basically enough to sweat during daily exercise. It's fine to get caught in the rain for a short time, but it's not suitable for swimming! In addition, it has no built memory, so it can't be used as MP3, that is to say, it can't be used where there is no Bluetooth signal. 4.Earsopen SS900 Bluetooth bone conduction headphonesRecommended reason: With the support of AVV's precise vertical vibration technology, the vibration intensity and frequency of SS900 is improved, which makes up for shortage of sound quality caused by small sound producing area of 10mm small size vibration unit, and makes the low frequency sound more full. The 7.5g body weight is better with the clip-on ear type, which makes it more portable. However, the clip-on ear type makes the ears uncomfortable after wearing for a long time, which is its disadvantage. 5. vidonn F3 Bluetooth bone conduction headphonesRecommended reason: The weight of this bone conduction headphone is only 29g, and there is comfortable when it is used, whether it is hanging on the neck or hanging on the ear for a long time. The charging port of F3 headphones is a universal standard MICRO-USB interface. The charging port is waterproof with a soft rubber plug, which is not connected to the body, so there is a risk of loss. The disadvantage is that the sound quality is average, and the sound leakage is serious. Among the above five bone conduction headphones, Wissonly and Philips are particularly worth recommending. Philips is a famous brand, and its quality need not be mentioned. Although Wissonly is a startup company, it has a very deep technical accumulation in the field of bone conduction, which makes their products very good in product quality and cost-effective. |
2023.01.31 01:38 JackboyIV Restrictive Practice workaround?
Hi, I'm a DSW in the Northern Territory and I'm currently standing in as SIL team leader at a specific house that currently houses two indigenous residents. One (I'll call him resident #1) is about 5'10 and around 110kgs, he has psychosis and represents BOC (has punched numerous other staff and hospitalized one. They weren't trained on how to care for him correctly. There has been a significant shortage of adequately trained staff). He has intellectual disabilities and a very violent and traumatic past.
He poses a significant risk to his housemate (resident #2) who is about 5'5 and overweight. Resident #2 has drug-induced treatment-resistant paranoid/disorganised schizophrenia.
Resident #2 has no impulse control and will open the house fridge without any consideration for resident #1 and will usually gobble up any soft drink, jam, biscuits, snack foods, coffee and anything resembling a sweet taste (basically everything that's not vegetables)
I'm relatively new to this state, this particular position and working with indigenous peoples and I understand that putting consumables belonging to resident #1 in the staff room which is usually locked, would be considered a Restrictive Practice.
Resident #1 will most likely lash out at resident #2 sooner or later and I'd really like to take all necessary steps to avoid this, as it would be devastating to both resident's and their progress.
I'm wondering if there's a legal workaround for this scenario, as I'm not technically the team leader of this SIL house.
Any pointers, help or recommendations would be absolutely helpful. Cheers for reading.
submitted by JackboyIV to NDIS [link] [comments]
He poses a significant risk to his housemate (resident #2) who is about 5'5 and overweight. Resident #2 has drug-induced treatment-resistant paranoid/disorganised schizophrenia.
Resident #2 has no impulse control and will open the house fridge without any consideration for resident #1 and will usually gobble up any soft drink, jam, biscuits, snack foods, coffee and anything resembling a sweet taste (basically everything that's not vegetables)
I'm relatively new to this state, this particular position and working with indigenous peoples and I understand that putting consumables belonging to resident #1 in the staff room which is usually locked, would be considered a Restrictive Practice.
Resident #1 will most likely lash out at resident #2 sooner or later and I'd really like to take all necessary steps to avoid this, as it would be devastating to both resident's and their progress.
I'm wondering if there's a legal workaround for this scenario, as I'm not technically the team leader of this SIL house.
Any pointers, help or recommendations would be absolutely helpful. Cheers for reading.
2023.01.30 17:45 Emerald_Aussie School of Beards Chapter 15: “Tales from the Sidhe Cave”
Hello, again ReddX (and everyone else)! I had to take a few days away from writing between the last ReddX Livestream (My Tommy pt 2) and some things going on in my life…it’s been a rough week for me emotionally…unfortunately not even in a way that brings any cringe.
I’m ready to write again though, and I have a couple of good tales for you. You see, even though I now spend the majority of time in my Sidhe Cave (Sidhe is pronounced ‘she’ and is the word Irish use for mythical creatures, including fairies. Beatle says I remind him of Tinkerbell so he calls me his little Sidhe, thus we call my classroom the Sidhe Cave or Sidhe Uaimh in Irish. I can’t pronounce Uaimh so I just go with Sidhe Cave). So I’m not really around the beards much. That said, Beatle tells me EVERYTHING, usually as it is happening. I frequently get texts throughout the day that say things like ‘I had to turn my hearing aids down because Mani is too bloody loud’ or ‘Mani just said Pre-requisite like Pre-Ree-quiz-it......wtaf?!’. Yes, those are from actual texts. So, thanks to Beatle’s texts and verbal recollections I am still able to bring you tales from our beardy English dept from the safety of the Sidhe Cave and this first one does actually involve ManiBeard and Beatle…
His 1st period was fine. He wrote on the board he had lost his voice and presented his lesson with slides and typed on the projector as needed to answer questions. It wasn’t ideal, but it worked. Then 2nd period rolled around…inclusion with Manibeard.
Beatle had some work to do before he went to Manibeard’s class so he didn’t go right at the start of the period. It was a few minutes in already. When Beatle walked in he saw complete and total chaos. Manibeard has zero control over the class! Kids were walking in and out of class, one student had taken the bathroom pass and was just hanging out in the hall talking, it was more like a social club than a classroom.
Normally this is the part where Beatle would go in and regain control of the class and get things in order for Manibeard, but he didn’t have a voice. He saw the chaos but was helpless to stop it. He did the only thing he knew to do. He typed out on a Google Doc “I lost my voice, taking my student in the hall to work on his assignment”. He showed the screen to ManiBeard and then got his student and went into the hall. This kid was one that never got any work done, but on this day Beatle managed to coax him into doing something.
Beatle was pretty proud of himself. He managed to get some work out of a kid without even having a voice. Things were going well in spite of the chaos in ManiBeards class…for a minute.
That is right about the time ManiBeard had an idea to regain control of his class. He decided to send the 4 most disruptive students out of the room to sit with Beatle and his student. The student Beatle had been trying to get work out of and was finally working. He sent 4 disruptive students to a teacher with NO VOICE!
Beatle looked at the students and motioned for them to sit. And they listened because high school kids are all innocent beautiful angels. Yeah. Right. No, they flat-out ignored Beatle and continued to be disruptive to the point that COVIDBeard heard them from her class. She poked her head out of her room and instead of saying anything to the students she just looked at Beatle.
“Do you need an AP or are you good?” she asked.
Beatle sighed, frustrated. He couldn’t really reply. He pointed to his throat to signal he couldn’t talk, but gave a thumbs up. This wasn’t really a situation he wanted to bother the APs with. COVIDBeard or ManiBeard could have talked to the kids at any time and told them to settle down, but they didn’t. There was a sub nearby but she didn’t bother to say anything either. She just sat in the hall and watched Beatle struggle with the situation.
Beatle was pissed that day. He couldn’t do much about it that day because he didn’t have a voice. When his voice came back a couple of days later he went to talk to ManiBeard. He caught up with him in the workroom.
“ManiBeard, mate, that was not cool what you did the other day. I had a kid actually working and you sent me the 4 most disruptive students knowing I didn’t have a voice,’ Beatle said.
ManiBeard looked at him, “I had to get my class under control.”
“I get that, but I am not a babysitter. I have kids to work with and the kid I pulled didn’t need the distraction. I pull who I need to work with. You can’t randomly send me kids to get them out of your class,” Beatle tried to explain.
“We’re partners. I needed them out of my room and you were out there so they had supervision,” ManiBeard replied, not seeing the point.
“You’re right, they weren’t supervision but we’re not partners. I’m there to support certain students that need extra help. It’s your class. You need to manage them as if I wasn’t there,” Beatle said.
“I couldn’t send them out without supervision and you were there, I don’t see the problem,” ManiBeard said.
Beatle sighed. This was getting dangerously close to a confrontation and he was getting nowhere anyway. Clearly, ManiBeard couldn’t grasp this concept so Beatle just nodded and walked away.
To this day ManiBeard continues to send random students to Beatle as part of his lackluster classroom management strategy (just like PitBeard did last year). This year it’s Beatle that has a beard nemesis. Somehow ManiBeard thinks he and Beatle are friends. They are not.
It started one day when Beatle busted into my room at lunch.
“Bloody hell Love, what’s wrong?” I asked as I was setting my lunch up.
“TypicalBeard told Sara that she would never graduate from high school!” he yelled, Sara is one of Beatle’s students.
“Are you kidding me?!” I cried.
Beatle is nonconfrontational to a fault…but the one way to get him riled up faster than anything else is to mess with one of his students.
“She bloody told Sara she would never graduate,” Beatle said again through gritted teeth.
“Bloody hell…have you talked to her?” I asked.
“Not yet. She has class and I need to cool down so I don’t get myself fired,” he said.
I nodded and I let him vent while we had lunch. After school, that day Beatle went to talk to TypicalBeard.
“Did you tell Sara that she wouldn’t ever graduate?” Beatle asked, trying to give her a chance to explain before he lost his Irish temper completely.
TypicalBeard nodded, “I did…and she won’t if she doesn’t start turning work in.”
“What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you say that to a student? Do you expect her to be motivated to do her work now?” Beatle said, his voice rising.
“I was being real with her. She needed a reality check. If she doesn’t start putting in effort she never will graduate,” TypicalBeard said.
“She is in Special Education for a reason! It’s hard enough to motivate her under the best of conditions. She is going to just give up now!” Beatle cried.
“I don’t believe in sugarcoating the truth for students. They need to know if they don’t put in the work they won’t pass and they won’t have a very good future,” TypicalBeard countered.
Beatle took a deep breath and said in a very overly calm and measured tone, “TypicalBeard…Sara…is…modified. You literally cannot fail her.” For those that don’t know what ‘modified’ means in a Special Education setting, basically, it just means that she is graded on attempting the work, not mastery of it. Students on modified curriculum rarely ever fail. It’s possible, but it’s a lot of paperwork to justify it so you will rarely ever see a modified student fail a course.
“I don’t care, she still needs to turn her work in,” TypicalBeard said.
Beatle knew he was going to end up calling her something that would get him fired so he just nodded, “Do not ever speak to one of my students that way again.”
He turned around and walked out. He promptly reported the situation to Ms. Dean. Ms. Dean said she would handle it but we think that meant she talked to her and nothing else was done. Obviously, we don’t know for sure.
What I do know is about a month later I was in a 504 meeting for one of my animation students. We’ll call her Tay. Quick lesson on US education law for context: Section 504 of the U.S. Rehabilitation Act of 1973 is designed to help parents of students with physical or mental impairments in public schools, or publicly funded private schools, work with educators to design customized educational plans. These 504 plans legally ensure that students will be treated fairly at school. Students that need additional support but don’t quite qualify for special education get a 504 plan. For example, Wee One has a 504 plan because she is high functioning autistic, has ADHD, and Tourette’s. It’s not severe enough for her to be in special education, but it’s severe enough she needs accommodations.
Just like special education students need their IEP reviewed annually, 504 students need their 504 plan reviewed annually. These reviews include the 504 coordinator, the parent(s), and as many of the student’s teachers as are available to attend. Tay’s 504 happened to be during my conference so I was able to attend. Tay, her mum, the art teacher, and the 504 coordinator were the other parties present.
It was your run-of-the-mill 504 for the most part. I’ve sat in my fair share on the parent side as Wee One’s mum. As we were wrapping up Tay was asked how she felt about her classes and she said she felt good about them, except English.
“Why don’t you feel good about English?” Ms. Coordinator asked.
Tay looked around nervously and took a breath, “Ms. TypicalBeard told me I’m not going to pass English 2 and I’m going to have to retake it again next year.”
My eyes widened as did Tay’s mum’s.
“That’s why I don’t like to ask her for help,” Tay continued.
Tay’s mum looked at Ms. Coordinator, “That’s not an accommodation issue, that is a teacher issue.”
Ms. Coordinator nodded, “I will look into that.”
I was fuming that she would say that to another student! How many students did she say crap like this to?! I was limited in what I could do, but there was one thing I could do. “Tay, I used to teach English…last year. I know the curriculum. If you ever need English tutorials or need help and don’t feel like you can ask Ms. TypicalBeard you can come to me. I know I’m your animation teacher, but I am happy to help you in English too.”
Tay smiled, “Thank you, Ms. Mandy.”
And this is how I started tutoring one of my animation students in English and based on her current grade, yes, she absolutely is going to pass English 2 without an issue.
And I try to keep my distance from TypicalBeard. It’s hard to miss her. She always looks like a can of biscuits that is about to burst open because she wears revealing clothing that are 2 sizes too small. And yes, teachers are in fact supposed to have a dress code. It doesn’t seem to be enforced. I guess a teacher shortage trumps anything else.
Remember in chapter 8 when I completely went off on commenters and said it had been a rough week? Yeah, the story I’m about to tell you is why.
For those of you living in the States, you know how political things have become in schools. The claims that teachers have a social justice agenda and want to brainwash your kids into changing their gender have gotten ridiculous. Some people even claim there are litter boxes in the student bathrooms for students that identify as cats. I promise you, I don’t know of ANY school that puts down litter boxes for students. Books are being banned left and right, teachers are scared to teach history, it’s a rough time in education. I can’t imagine why there is a teacher shortage…
To that end, there have been a lot of school board candidates running as ‘conservatives with family values’ which to me seems to just mean ‘we want our kids to have a religious education and not have to learn about anything that isn’t cis, hetero, and white Christian’. One of these candidates is the focus of this tale. She is not a beard, however. Oh, no. She is a Karen.
So, a bit about Karen’s campaign so you know who this woman is. She decided to run for school board because she heard about some kindergarten students who ‘identified’ as half cat, half human and that alarmed her. Because kindergarten kids aren’t known for being a cat one day and a dinosaur the next? She claims the schools want to put in litter boxes for these ‘cat’ students (there is no school even considering this!). She tried to insinuate the school district wants to take little kids off campus and force them to have a gender change surgery and bring them back to campus without parental consent. She called the local police department on Subpar High School for having a ‘pornographic’ book in their school library. There is more, but you get the idea.
Thankfully Karen lost the election (I certainly didn’t vote for her). But Karens don’t just go quietly into the night when they lose. No, they find a new cause. And this is where I come in.
I was minding my own business just riding with Beatle to our therapy appointment one day. Actually, to be precise, it was the day the 2nd “School of Beards” video went up because we were listening to it in the car on the way. We were cracking up at Mr. Principal’s voice when the audio suddenly cut off because my phone was ringing and I looked at my caller ID “Mr. Principal”. Oh shit.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hi, Mandy, I am sorry to bother you after hours, but we just had a public information request about GSA. I need a copy of any promotional material used for the club and anything that has been shown to the students in meetings,” he said.
I froze. Why? Why would someone want that? “Um, ok, sure. No problem,” I replied.
“It’s nothing bad. It’s not even just you. The request is for all the GSAs in the district. It’s a former school board candidate and…I just need the information,” he said.
“Of course, not a problem. Soon as I can I’ll get that to you,” I said.
And I did. I have nothing to hide. I don’t really want the members' names to be public because some of those kids aren’t out yet, except to the club. But, this information? No biggie. I figured that was that. Well, I was wrong.
The next day I got an email from the district person in charge of public information requests. Now she wanted everything the club had done for the last 3 years. EVERYTHING. This meant agendas, forms, attendance records, everything. Ev-er-y-th-ing. This meant going back to when RainbowBeard was the sponsor. I sent her everything she wanted but made it very clear what date I took over the club and that the previous sponsor was no longer with the district. I refuse to go down for something RainbowBeard did.
Later that day one of the other GSA sponsors started a group chat. Basically, we confirmed we knew it was in fact Karen that made the public information request and she was targeting GSAs across the district. Because LGBT students aren’t targeted enough, right?
Phew, ok. I just had to stop typing and breathe. I’m getting heated again just relaying this one.
Anyway, after talking to the other sponsors I was very alarmed for 2 reasons. 1) GSAs were being targeted and I will not let my students become a display in a school board meeting for just existing and 2) this woman had a history of getting the media involved in her ‘causes’ and I did not want my school to have national attention for something RainbowBeard did (and yes, there are a couple of things RainbowBeard did as sponsor that I strongly condemn and I felt could be used against the campus if brought to light). It was time to schedule a meeting with Mr. Principal, ASAP. I did not sleep more than an hour that night because I was so upset.
The next day after-school I went downstairs to meet with Mr. Principal. I was told I could go into his conference room.
“Mandy, good afternoon. Would you like some cake?” he asked pointing to the remaining half strawberry cake that was clearly left from an earlier meeting.
I shook my head, “No sir, but thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me. I really just want to get to business. As you know the scope of that public information request has been widened and now we know it’s Karen doing it. I am truly worried about her turning our campus into a media sideshow because of things RainbowBeard did.”
Mr. Principal nodded, “I appreciate your concern Mandy, but anything RainbowBeard did we can defend because she isn’t here anymore. She is not the sponsor. You are and the GSA is running smoothly now. We can’t erase the past, but we can show we are better. We know what Karen has done in the past and this is just her latest cause.”
I looked at him, “So what I hear you saying is ‘calm down Mandy, there’s nothing to worry about’?” I asked.
Mr. Principal smiled, “Calm down Mandy, there is nothing to worry about.”
“You know how I am with my students,” I said.
Mr. Principal nodded, “I do. And I love that you are so protective of them. GSA is a club in every middle school and high school in the district. The district supports inclusiveness so she can come after GSA. She isn’t going to get very far and they will not share student names in a public information request. Your students are safe. As far as the campus, we have nothing to hide. I will be happy to answer any questions that arise. I am proud of what you’ve done with GSA and everything you do we can answer for.”
I nodded, “OK, so you think the district would have my back if she came after me for sponsoring GSA? I’m bi and everyone presumes Beatle is gay…”
Mr. Principal laughed, “Oh Mandy, yes, they will have your back and I absolutely will! We knew who you and Beatle were when we hired you. It’s not like you and Beatle go around introducing yourselves as bi at work. It’s something that’s just known but it doesn’t come into the classroom…and that was one of the biggest issues with RainbowBeard. She allowed her orientation to define her as a person. It entered the classroom when it has no place there. You and Beatle don’t do that. You are open with GSA, where it’s appropriate, but it doesn’t come into the classroom with all students. You’re doing a great job. I promise, I have your back and so will the district if it was never necessary.”
“OK…I can’t say I’m not still worried, but I trust you and so I’ll just keep on with business as usual,” I said.
“That’s all we can do,” Ms. Principal said.
I was still a bit worried, but there was nothing more I could do. Until later that night when I got another email from the public information person saying the scope of the request had been narrowed to City Middle School only and no further information was needed from any other campus.
Why? I don’t know. Maybe Karen found something at City Middle School she could latch on to and make a spectacle of at the next school board meeting. I can’t get into the mind of people like Karen (nor would I want to). I don’t understand coming after students that already are attacked regularly.
So, that ended my dealings in the Karen thing…I am keeping my guard up, looking for anything on Karen I can find that isn’t public knowledge, just any way to stop her from coming after our students. In the meantime, I will continue to protect my GSA for the rest of the year and see what happens. But, you can see why I was a little testy when I wrote chapter 8.
And that will do it for this chapter of “School of Beards”. I have probably 1 more chapter I can get out with the stories I have so far and then after that, I’ll write a new one out when enough things have happened to warrant a story.
Thanks to ReddX for his support through this saga. I appreciate you mate. Remember to like, comment, subscribe, ring the bell and do all the things for our boy. Until next time…
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I’m ready to write again though, and I have a couple of good tales for you. You see, even though I now spend the majority of time in my Sidhe Cave (Sidhe is pronounced ‘she’ and is the word Irish use for mythical creatures, including fairies. Beatle says I remind him of Tinkerbell so he calls me his little Sidhe, thus we call my classroom the Sidhe Cave or Sidhe Uaimh in Irish. I can’t pronounce Uaimh so I just go with Sidhe Cave). So I’m not really around the beards much. That said, Beatle tells me EVERYTHING, usually as it is happening. I frequently get texts throughout the day that say things like ‘I had to turn my hearing aids down because Mani is too bloody loud’ or ‘Mani just said Pre-requisite like Pre-Ree-quiz-it......wtaf?!’. Yes, those are from actual texts. So, thanks to Beatle’s texts and verbal recollections I am still able to bring you tales from our beardy English dept from the safety of the Sidhe Cave and this first one does actually involve ManiBeard and Beatle…
- “Silent Beatle”
His 1st period was fine. He wrote on the board he had lost his voice and presented his lesson with slides and typed on the projector as needed to answer questions. It wasn’t ideal, but it worked. Then 2nd period rolled around…inclusion with Manibeard.
Beatle had some work to do before he went to Manibeard’s class so he didn’t go right at the start of the period. It was a few minutes in already. When Beatle walked in he saw complete and total chaos. Manibeard has zero control over the class! Kids were walking in and out of class, one student had taken the bathroom pass and was just hanging out in the hall talking, it was more like a social club than a classroom.
Normally this is the part where Beatle would go in and regain control of the class and get things in order for Manibeard, but he didn’t have a voice. He saw the chaos but was helpless to stop it. He did the only thing he knew to do. He typed out on a Google Doc “I lost my voice, taking my student in the hall to work on his assignment”. He showed the screen to ManiBeard and then got his student and went into the hall. This kid was one that never got any work done, but on this day Beatle managed to coax him into doing something.
Beatle was pretty proud of himself. He managed to get some work out of a kid without even having a voice. Things were going well in spite of the chaos in ManiBeards class…for a minute.
That is right about the time ManiBeard had an idea to regain control of his class. He decided to send the 4 most disruptive students out of the room to sit with Beatle and his student. The student Beatle had been trying to get work out of and was finally working. He sent 4 disruptive students to a teacher with NO VOICE!
Beatle looked at the students and motioned for them to sit. And they listened because high school kids are all innocent beautiful angels. Yeah. Right. No, they flat-out ignored Beatle and continued to be disruptive to the point that COVIDBeard heard them from her class. She poked her head out of her room and instead of saying anything to the students she just looked at Beatle.
“Do you need an AP or are you good?” she asked.
Beatle sighed, frustrated. He couldn’t really reply. He pointed to his throat to signal he couldn’t talk, but gave a thumbs up. This wasn’t really a situation he wanted to bother the APs with. COVIDBeard or ManiBeard could have talked to the kids at any time and told them to settle down, but they didn’t. There was a sub nearby but she didn’t bother to say anything either. She just sat in the hall and watched Beatle struggle with the situation.
Beatle was pissed that day. He couldn’t do much about it that day because he didn’t have a voice. When his voice came back a couple of days later he went to talk to ManiBeard. He caught up with him in the workroom.
“ManiBeard, mate, that was not cool what you did the other day. I had a kid actually working and you sent me the 4 most disruptive students knowing I didn’t have a voice,’ Beatle said.
ManiBeard looked at him, “I had to get my class under control.”
“I get that, but I am not a babysitter. I have kids to work with and the kid I pulled didn’t need the distraction. I pull who I need to work with. You can’t randomly send me kids to get them out of your class,” Beatle tried to explain.
“We’re partners. I needed them out of my room and you were out there so they had supervision,” ManiBeard replied, not seeing the point.
“You’re right, they weren’t supervision but we’re not partners. I’m there to support certain students that need extra help. It’s your class. You need to manage them as if I wasn’t there,” Beatle said.
“I couldn’t send them out without supervision and you were there, I don’t see the problem,” ManiBeard said.
Beatle sighed. This was getting dangerously close to a confrontation and he was getting nowhere anyway. Clearly, ManiBeard couldn’t grasp this concept so Beatle just nodded and walked away.
To this day ManiBeard continues to send random students to Beatle as part of his lackluster classroom management strategy (just like PitBeard did last year). This year it’s Beatle that has a beard nemesis. Somehow ManiBeard thinks he and Beatle are friends. They are not.
- “TypicalBeard Gets Real”
It started one day when Beatle busted into my room at lunch.
“Bloody hell Love, what’s wrong?” I asked as I was setting my lunch up.
“TypicalBeard told Sara that she would never graduate from high school!” he yelled, Sara is one of Beatle’s students.
“Are you kidding me?!” I cried.
Beatle is nonconfrontational to a fault…but the one way to get him riled up faster than anything else is to mess with one of his students.
“She bloody told Sara she would never graduate,” Beatle said again through gritted teeth.
“Bloody hell…have you talked to her?” I asked.
“Not yet. She has class and I need to cool down so I don’t get myself fired,” he said.
I nodded and I let him vent while we had lunch. After school, that day Beatle went to talk to TypicalBeard.
“Did you tell Sara that she wouldn’t ever graduate?” Beatle asked, trying to give her a chance to explain before he lost his Irish temper completely.
TypicalBeard nodded, “I did…and she won’t if she doesn’t start turning work in.”
“What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you say that to a student? Do you expect her to be motivated to do her work now?” Beatle said, his voice rising.
“I was being real with her. She needed a reality check. If she doesn’t start putting in effort she never will graduate,” TypicalBeard said.
“She is in Special Education for a reason! It’s hard enough to motivate her under the best of conditions. She is going to just give up now!” Beatle cried.
“I don’t believe in sugarcoating the truth for students. They need to know if they don’t put in the work they won’t pass and they won’t have a very good future,” TypicalBeard countered.
Beatle took a deep breath and said in a very overly calm and measured tone, “TypicalBeard…Sara…is…modified. You literally cannot fail her.” For those that don’t know what ‘modified’ means in a Special Education setting, basically, it just means that she is graded on attempting the work, not mastery of it. Students on modified curriculum rarely ever fail. It’s possible, but it’s a lot of paperwork to justify it so you will rarely ever see a modified student fail a course.
“I don’t care, she still needs to turn her work in,” TypicalBeard said.
Beatle knew he was going to end up calling her something that would get him fired so he just nodded, “Do not ever speak to one of my students that way again.”
He turned around and walked out. He promptly reported the situation to Ms. Dean. Ms. Dean said she would handle it but we think that meant she talked to her and nothing else was done. Obviously, we don’t know for sure.
What I do know is about a month later I was in a 504 meeting for one of my animation students. We’ll call her Tay. Quick lesson on US education law for context: Section 504 of the U.S. Rehabilitation Act of 1973 is designed to help parents of students with physical or mental impairments in public schools, or publicly funded private schools, work with educators to design customized educational plans. These 504 plans legally ensure that students will be treated fairly at school. Students that need additional support but don’t quite qualify for special education get a 504 plan. For example, Wee One has a 504 plan because she is high functioning autistic, has ADHD, and Tourette’s. It’s not severe enough for her to be in special education, but it’s severe enough she needs accommodations.
Just like special education students need their IEP reviewed annually, 504 students need their 504 plan reviewed annually. These reviews include the 504 coordinator, the parent(s), and as many of the student’s teachers as are available to attend. Tay’s 504 happened to be during my conference so I was able to attend. Tay, her mum, the art teacher, and the 504 coordinator were the other parties present.
It was your run-of-the-mill 504 for the most part. I’ve sat in my fair share on the parent side as Wee One’s mum. As we were wrapping up Tay was asked how she felt about her classes and she said she felt good about them, except English.
“Why don’t you feel good about English?” Ms. Coordinator asked.
Tay looked around nervously and took a breath, “Ms. TypicalBeard told me I’m not going to pass English 2 and I’m going to have to retake it again next year.”
My eyes widened as did Tay’s mum’s.
“That’s why I don’t like to ask her for help,” Tay continued.
Tay’s mum looked at Ms. Coordinator, “That’s not an accommodation issue, that is a teacher issue.”
Ms. Coordinator nodded, “I will look into that.”
I was fuming that she would say that to another student! How many students did she say crap like this to?! I was limited in what I could do, but there was one thing I could do. “Tay, I used to teach English…last year. I know the curriculum. If you ever need English tutorials or need help and don’t feel like you can ask Ms. TypicalBeard you can come to me. I know I’m your animation teacher, but I am happy to help you in English too.”
Tay smiled, “Thank you, Ms. Mandy.”
And this is how I started tutoring one of my animation students in English and based on her current grade, yes, she absolutely is going to pass English 2 without an issue.
And I try to keep my distance from TypicalBeard. It’s hard to miss her. She always looks like a can of biscuits that is about to burst open because she wears revealing clothing that are 2 sizes too small. And yes, teachers are in fact supposed to have a dress code. It doesn’t seem to be enforced. I guess a teacher shortage trumps anything else.
- “Karen Saves the Children”
Remember in chapter 8 when I completely went off on commenters and said it had been a rough week? Yeah, the story I’m about to tell you is why.
For those of you living in the States, you know how political things have become in schools. The claims that teachers have a social justice agenda and want to brainwash your kids into changing their gender have gotten ridiculous. Some people even claim there are litter boxes in the student bathrooms for students that identify as cats. I promise you, I don’t know of ANY school that puts down litter boxes for students. Books are being banned left and right, teachers are scared to teach history, it’s a rough time in education. I can’t imagine why there is a teacher shortage…
To that end, there have been a lot of school board candidates running as ‘conservatives with family values’ which to me seems to just mean ‘we want our kids to have a religious education and not have to learn about anything that isn’t cis, hetero, and white Christian’. One of these candidates is the focus of this tale. She is not a beard, however. Oh, no. She is a Karen.
So, a bit about Karen’s campaign so you know who this woman is. She decided to run for school board because she heard about some kindergarten students who ‘identified’ as half cat, half human and that alarmed her. Because kindergarten kids aren’t known for being a cat one day and a dinosaur the next? She claims the schools want to put in litter boxes for these ‘cat’ students (there is no school even considering this!). She tried to insinuate the school district wants to take little kids off campus and force them to have a gender change surgery and bring them back to campus without parental consent. She called the local police department on Subpar High School for having a ‘pornographic’ book in their school library. There is more, but you get the idea.
Thankfully Karen lost the election (I certainly didn’t vote for her). But Karens don’t just go quietly into the night when they lose. No, they find a new cause. And this is where I come in.
I was minding my own business just riding with Beatle to our therapy appointment one day. Actually, to be precise, it was the day the 2nd “School of Beards” video went up because we were listening to it in the car on the way. We were cracking up at Mr. Principal’s voice when the audio suddenly cut off because my phone was ringing and I looked at my caller ID “Mr. Principal”. Oh shit.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hi, Mandy, I am sorry to bother you after hours, but we just had a public information request about GSA. I need a copy of any promotional material used for the club and anything that has been shown to the students in meetings,” he said.
I froze. Why? Why would someone want that? “Um, ok, sure. No problem,” I replied.
“It’s nothing bad. It’s not even just you. The request is for all the GSAs in the district. It’s a former school board candidate and…I just need the information,” he said.
“Of course, not a problem. Soon as I can I’ll get that to you,” I said.
And I did. I have nothing to hide. I don’t really want the members' names to be public because some of those kids aren’t out yet, except to the club. But, this information? No biggie. I figured that was that. Well, I was wrong.
The next day I got an email from the district person in charge of public information requests. Now she wanted everything the club had done for the last 3 years. EVERYTHING. This meant agendas, forms, attendance records, everything. Ev-er-y-th-ing. This meant going back to when RainbowBeard was the sponsor. I sent her everything she wanted but made it very clear what date I took over the club and that the previous sponsor was no longer with the district. I refuse to go down for something RainbowBeard did.
Later that day one of the other GSA sponsors started a group chat. Basically, we confirmed we knew it was in fact Karen that made the public information request and she was targeting GSAs across the district. Because LGBT students aren’t targeted enough, right?
Phew, ok. I just had to stop typing and breathe. I’m getting heated again just relaying this one.
Anyway, after talking to the other sponsors I was very alarmed for 2 reasons. 1) GSAs were being targeted and I will not let my students become a display in a school board meeting for just existing and 2) this woman had a history of getting the media involved in her ‘causes’ and I did not want my school to have national attention for something RainbowBeard did (and yes, there are a couple of things RainbowBeard did as sponsor that I strongly condemn and I felt could be used against the campus if brought to light). It was time to schedule a meeting with Mr. Principal, ASAP. I did not sleep more than an hour that night because I was so upset.
The next day after-school I went downstairs to meet with Mr. Principal. I was told I could go into his conference room.
“Mandy, good afternoon. Would you like some cake?” he asked pointing to the remaining half strawberry cake that was clearly left from an earlier meeting.
I shook my head, “No sir, but thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me. I really just want to get to business. As you know the scope of that public information request has been widened and now we know it’s Karen doing it. I am truly worried about her turning our campus into a media sideshow because of things RainbowBeard did.”
Mr. Principal nodded, “I appreciate your concern Mandy, but anything RainbowBeard did we can defend because she isn’t here anymore. She is not the sponsor. You are and the GSA is running smoothly now. We can’t erase the past, but we can show we are better. We know what Karen has done in the past and this is just her latest cause.”
I looked at him, “So what I hear you saying is ‘calm down Mandy, there’s nothing to worry about’?” I asked.
Mr. Principal smiled, “Calm down Mandy, there is nothing to worry about.”
“You know how I am with my students,” I said.
Mr. Principal nodded, “I do. And I love that you are so protective of them. GSA is a club in every middle school and high school in the district. The district supports inclusiveness so she can come after GSA. She isn’t going to get very far and they will not share student names in a public information request. Your students are safe. As far as the campus, we have nothing to hide. I will be happy to answer any questions that arise. I am proud of what you’ve done with GSA and everything you do we can answer for.”
I nodded, “OK, so you think the district would have my back if she came after me for sponsoring GSA? I’m bi and everyone presumes Beatle is gay…”
Mr. Principal laughed, “Oh Mandy, yes, they will have your back and I absolutely will! We knew who you and Beatle were when we hired you. It’s not like you and Beatle go around introducing yourselves as bi at work. It’s something that’s just known but it doesn’t come into the classroom…and that was one of the biggest issues with RainbowBeard. She allowed her orientation to define her as a person. It entered the classroom when it has no place there. You and Beatle don’t do that. You are open with GSA, where it’s appropriate, but it doesn’t come into the classroom with all students. You’re doing a great job. I promise, I have your back and so will the district if it was never necessary.”
“OK…I can’t say I’m not still worried, but I trust you and so I’ll just keep on with business as usual,” I said.
“That’s all we can do,” Ms. Principal said.
I was still a bit worried, but there was nothing more I could do. Until later that night when I got another email from the public information person saying the scope of the request had been narrowed to City Middle School only and no further information was needed from any other campus.
Why? I don’t know. Maybe Karen found something at City Middle School she could latch on to and make a spectacle of at the next school board meeting. I can’t get into the mind of people like Karen (nor would I want to). I don’t understand coming after students that already are attacked regularly.
So, that ended my dealings in the Karen thing…I am keeping my guard up, looking for anything on Karen I can find that isn’t public knowledge, just any way to stop her from coming after our students. In the meantime, I will continue to protect my GSA for the rest of the year and see what happens. But, you can see why I was a little testy when I wrote chapter 8.
And that will do it for this chapter of “School of Beards”. I have probably 1 more chapter I can get out with the stories I have so far and then after that, I’ll write a new one out when enough things have happened to warrant a story.
Thanks to ReddX for his support through this saga. I appreciate you mate. Remember to like, comment, subscribe, ring the bell and do all the things for our boy. Until next time…
2023.01.23 14:52 SomethingTouchesBack Extinction Game
Scene 1: Despair
Mayor Luy'da rested his tail on the floor and looked down from his office window to the long-dry fountain in the center of the plaza four stories below. In the before-times, the fountain burbled with clear, cold water while professional and government workers crowded the plaza, jostling each other for a position at the many colorful food trucks parked around the perimeter. Now, even at midday, only a handful of K'lagha'a shuffled between buildings, filter scarves wrapped securely around their necks to protect the nasal slits at the sides of their throats from the ever-present dust.
Looking down the street across the plaza, between the Hospital and what had once been an art museum, Luy'da contemplated the hazy sunlight glinting off the surface of the vast freshwater lake that extended beyond the Eastern horizon. In the before-times, ships plied those waters with all manner of goods. Funny how you don't think about supply chains until they collapse: How your deodorant or toilet paper is imported from somewhere else; How your locally manufactured desk uses drawer-slides manufactured somewhere else; How the elevator depends on lubricants manufactured somewhere else; How the purification chemicals used by the municipal water system are imported from somewhere else. Mayor Luy'da's office used to be on the twelfth floor before the elevator failed. Today nobody lives or works above the fourth floor anywhere in D'toryet, and everybody uses homemade sand-and-charcoal filters to make the tap water a little safer. Today, the brown and white feathers covering Luy'da's theropod-shaped body are dulled by the pervasive dust.
In the before-times, before an asteroid slammed into the far side of the planet, nearly two million K'lagha'a lived in the greater D'toryet metropolitan area. Half of them died within days of the initial impact. Earthquakes collapsed buildings, surging water devastated the lakefront, and fires raged unchecked, leaving block after city block as empty fields of charcoal and grit. In the six years since that terrible day, as sharp-edged silicon-rich dust blotted out the sun, more and more K'lagha'a succumbed to cold, starvation, and silicosis. Today, only about 90,000 remain. Nine out of ten buildings from the before-times stand vacant or have been destroyed. Children are the most vulnerable; nearly an entire generation... lost.
Over the years, the larger granules settled out of the sky so that today the sun again shimmers, albeit diffusely, through a silver-blue sky. But looks are deceiving. The smallest particles of dust are the most dangerous. They lurk unseen in the air until lodging deep in a person's lungs. Luy'da coughed and reflexively touched his inflamed nasal slits. Everybody coughed. When you stopped coughing, it was because you were dead.
The demands on the mayor of a dying city, a city without functioning infrastructure, are slight, and Mayor Luy'da glanced at his lunch, sitting on his otherwise empty desk. Like every day's lunch, today's lunch was a bland biscuit made from sveste, a flour derived from an easy-to-raise insect of the same name that makes up most of the insectivorous K'lagha'a's diet. Oh, how he missed the strongly seasoned castnas pastries and skewered ploshi of the food trucks. Luy'da found it humorous that, at the end of the world, it wasn't some fancy cuisine but the everyday street food he was missing the most.
On impulse, Luy'da wrapped his filter scarf around his neck, picked up his lunch, and headed down the stairs. He kept his emergency radio clipped to his belt on the off-chance that somebody wanted to reach him, but today, he wanted to eat sitting on the edge of the fountain. When he sat there, if he closed his eyes, he could almost remember the sounds and smells of the past.
Scene 2: Hope
Luy'da's eyes flew open at the deafening boom of heated and compressed air failing to get out of the way of something falling from the sky far more quickly than things ought to. "Probably another low-orbit satellite is succumbing to atmospheric drag," he thought. But, as he looked up, the massive object flying close overhead was no small satellite fragment. Luy'da saw, through the gap between the Hospital and the museum, the cloud of ash that kicked up as the object plunged into an empty lot just a few blocks East. Dropping the rest of his lunch, he bolted down the street.
As Luy'da emerged from between the buildings, he saw a crowd forming at the back entrance to the Hospital, staring out at the new arrival. An intact vehicle like nothing Luy'da had ever seen before sat partly buried in the dirt. Sloped slabs of flat metal rose to a top laden with a plethora of equipment, some of which looked ominous. Luy'da grabbed his radio and called his Director of Emergency Operations. "Moak'da, meet me at the corner of Main and Takka immediately."
"Right behind you," said Moak'da as he caught up. Just then, one of the slabs slammed down, forming a ramp, and a group of... creatures... emerged: Tailless, vertical torso, covered head to toe in mottled green material that had the lumpy stiffness of armor. They were carrying what looked a lot like smaller versions of the things on the roof. The creatures fanned out around the vehicle as if protecting it.
"Weapons," said Moak'da.
"Well, we might as well play along," sighed Mayor Luy'da. "What's one more disaster when we're dead already? You're the Director of Emergency Operations- What does the book say about alien invasions?"
"It says don't waste sick and ill-equipped police officers against a professional military force. It says to be polite and submissive so as not to provoke them. It says when they seek our leader, that's you, not me."
"Don't even think about leaving me here to face these... whatever... alone," retorted Mayer Luy'da.
Right on cue, a creature holding a device with a multi-pronged antenna pointed at Luy'da and Moak'da. Soon the creature, joined by another, headed their way. Luy'da felt like his legs were somehow melted into the ground as, side by side, the two terrifying aliens walked up and stood before him and an equally motionless Moak'da. There was a brief pause before the second alien reached up to its head and lifted off what turned out to be a full-head helmet. Bare soft-looking tan flesh surrounded stereo vision eyes and a practically non-existent muzzle. Instead of feathers, thick black hair covered its jaw and the top of its head. "How can one be in full I'm-going-to-pass-out panic and still struggle not to laugh?" thought Luy'da. A snort from Moak'da showed he was fighting the same struggle. The damn thing looked like a furry version of a K'oba from a children's book, a caricature of unyielding friendliness and comfort dressed in the most intimidating outfit imaginable. The dissonance was aggravated further when the completely alien creature spoke in perfect K'lagha'a, "I am Mohammad Abbas, in charge of this contact group. You are wearing radios. Are you part of the local Emergency Services group?"
Luy'da let out a little breath of relief and, pointing, said, "Moak'da is the Director of Emergency Services."
Moak'da quickly and indignantly replied, "And Luy'da is the mayor of this city."
The creature that called itself Mohammad made a loud cackling sound while exposing many small but very white teeth and said, "Okay. If you two are done throwing each other under the bus, please understand that this is not an invasion, despite how it probably looks. We were invited here to help. Now, I need you to introduce some of my people to the right people on your side to get this help underway. Also, do you have any extra filter scarves? Our supply ship is detained, and until it gets here, all we have are these damn helmets."
At that moment, another sonic boom heralded the arrival of another ship, which buried itself in the dust somewhat closer to the lake. The yet-to-be-named Human that still had its helmet on said, "The Angloeuros are late, as always."
"Pardon my bluntness," said Moak'da, "but this sure looks like an invasion despite your assurances to the contrary."
Mohammad shook his head and held his hands out in a palms-down motion. "Nope. Only the most incompetent idiot would destroy what they aspire to assimilate. Not to imply that Humans have any shortage of idiots, but still, the K'lagha'a are WAY more valuable to us healthy, happy, and productive!"
Luy'da and Moak'da were still trying to process those words when the ramp opened on the second ship. The creatures that emerged were shaped the same as those from the first ship but were wearing heavy fabric coveralls with matching blue filters over only the lower half of their faces instead of the full-body armor of the first group. Two of them broke away from the ship and moved quickly up the hill to join those around Luy'da.
One of them, the one with light yellow hair on top of its head, thrust a box at the Human with the radio finder while saying to the other, "Damascus says they'll get a shuttle to you tomorrow. Here are some of our masks to tide you over."
The Human called Mohammad replied, "In imperial blue, no doubt. I hope the referee doesn't get confused and give you our credit." But he was smiling nonetheless. "John, meet mayor Luy'da and his director of emergency services... Moak'da?"
John held forward an arm and said, also in perfect K'lagha'a, "Hi. John Hanson. Angloeuro Union."
Luy'da didn't understand what was expected. He was saved by Mohammad suddenly turning and, taking John Hanson's hand, saying, "Happy to meet you. I am Mohammad Abbas, representing the Gliese Caliphate. Welcome, fellow Human."
Luy'da caught on, and as Mohammad let go of John's hand, Luy'da grabbed it and said, "Happy to meet you. I am Luy'da, mayor of D’toryet."
"Mayor! Excellent! Damn, Mohammad, that was quite a landing."
"Yes, our drop-ships are designed for true believers, not soft Angloeuros."
"I see your point. Riding in them is an act of faith!"
"Our drop-ships are completely reliable. They always hit the planet."
As the two humans cackled together, Luy'da had difficulty tracking which one was talking. What was clear was that they were talking to each other through their translators. Luy'da interjected, "I do not mean to be rude, but are you one species or two? You are shaped the same yet look and dress differently. You talk as friends, but I think not in the same language. You call yourselves Human, and you call yourselves something else. What are you?"
John asked back, "Before the asteroid, did Lak'dee have a unified world government?"
"Yes, of course," said a puzzled Luy'da, "We achieved space travel! You need a unified government to have the social and political stability to do that!"
"No. Actually, you don't," replied John. "Humans never achieved a unified government. We are broken into many factions. The" -gesturing at Mohammad "-Gliese Caliphate and the" -gesturing at himself "-Angloeuro Union are two of them. And perhaps social stability is overrated too. We are always fighting with each other." John tilted his head. "In fact, Mohammad and his group were just about to attack my people with-" arm sweeping across the scene, "-these very ships before they and we were interrupted to come here." John laughed again, "Mohammad didn't even get a chance to change his clothes!"
Luy'da was trying to process that when Mohammad spoke to Moak'da, "Well, enough chit-chat. We don't want the other factions to get ahead of us. Moak'da, can you take Ava-" Turning, Mohammad shouted to the group of Humans around the first drop-ship, "Ava! You and your team go with Moak'da." Then turning back, Mohammad continued, "-sorry. Can you show Ava and her team the Hospital and any other medical facilities you have? She's a trained field medic and can get you whatever supplies and help you need."
As Moak'da and Ava wandered off, a flustered Luy'da again tried to get back on top of the conversation. "Supplies will help, but I fear our greatest problem may be electricity. By cannibalizing parts, the city has managed to keep one power plant running, but that only gives us enough electricity to keep the lights on in the Hospital and run its medical equipment for about ten hours a day. Patents often die during the night."
The Human, John, motioned to the crowd of K'lagha'a gathered next to the Hospital and said to Mohammad, "That explains them."
Luy'da said, "Do they bother you? Do you want me to have them moved?"
"No," said Human Mohammad, "What we find concerning is that they are there at all. Alien warships slam into your city. Armed alien troops disembark. And yet your people stand and watch instead of running in terror. It tells me that they have lost faith, that they have lost hope. Loss of hope can kill as surely as the dust. It causes you not to save yourself. We must give them hope before we can save them from the dust."
"Electricity is a start," said John. "Lights, food, the trappings of normal can help break them out of their apathy. Then we can deal with bigger issues like curing your lung disease and restarting your economy. Is that substation over there the one powering the Hospital?"
"Yes," said Luy'da, "That is the substation for all of Government Center and this area down to the waterfront."
"Perfect!" said John, who then spoke into his radio, "Get a 'dozer and level the square across from the substation. Then call upstairs and have them drop a mobile command center right there. I want its reactor coupled into the substation and this entire neighborhood powered up before nightfall."
Mohammad clarified to Moak'da and Luy'da, "MCCs come with a ground-to-space laser defense system. We don't need the lasers, but the fusion reactor that powers them could probably drive this entire city." He then added, "What's your water situation?"
As the hours passed, Luy'da ran himself to exhaustion, trying to be everywhere at once. The bulldozers created flat ground where quiet shuttles gently landed and unloaded more Humans and equipment. Inflatable chemical and biological warfare domes covering entire city blocks popped up at a phenomenal pace. The domes provided clean, dust-free spaces that became dining, shelter, and medical facilities.
Finally, as the sun set over the Western horizon, lighting the sky in a brilliant red and orange reminder of the ever-present dust, Luy'da found himself sitting on a stool at a little round table near the inside edge of one of the giant clear domes. He sipped clean water and ate something that was a fair approximation of his favorite castnas pastries as a live band played in the background.
Where had the Humans found K'lagha'a musicians with still-working instruments? Well, there should be about 90,000 K'lagha'a in the D'troyet metropolitan area, and the Humans seemed to be wasting no time meeting all of them.
When Luy'da thought about it, it was disconcerting how much the Humans seemed to already know about Lak'dee and the K'lagha'a while he knew absolutely nothing about them. But he couldn't deny that John and Mohammad were making good on their vow to restore hope to the people of D'troyet... one loud party at a time. There was quite a crowd in the dome already.
Luy'da looked out through the translucent wall. The Hospital was lit up clear to the top, including the flashing beacon on its antenna mast. The Hospital was one of the tallest buildings still standing in all of D'troyet. Luy'da did not doubt K'lagha'a homesteading in the suburban and rural areas many kilometers away would see the beacon and find their way here over the coming days. The shelter domes would be very much needed.
Luy'da was halfway through his second castnas pastry when he noticed John and Mohammad floundering through the crowd while getting jostled by thick K'lagha'a tails they kept forgetting to navigate around. "Luy'da! There you are! There's someone we would like you to meet."
John and Mohammad stepped apart to reveal a shorter biped wearing a black and white striped short-sleeved shirt and black pants. It had widely spaced eyes, and short tan fur covered all of its exposed skin. Mohammad said, "Luy'da, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Kira. She is a Rladii and will be the chief referee for the D'troyet region. Kira, this is Luy'da, the Mayor of D'troyet."
Luy'da held out a hand, as John had demonstrated earlier. As Kira took hold of it, Luy'da noticed that she had two thumbs, one on either side of her palm. Kira said, "It's a pleasure to meet you. If you have any concerns about anything these Humans are doing in your city, and never forget it is your city, you may contact me or any other referee. Look for the striped shirts."
Luy'da nodded a curt thank-you to Kira before looking back to Mohammad, "I'm surprised to see you and Mark still here. I noticed the ships you arrived in have departed."
"Oh, we are here for the duration," said Mohammad, "A lifter came by and picked up the drop-ships. They'll be taken up, refurbished, assigned a new crew, and dropped on some other town."
"They're a great way to get a few tens of people from orbit to ground in a hurry when there is no receiving infrastructure," added John, "but now that we're here, we'll be using regular shuttles."
"So," Luy'da looked back and forth between the three aliens, "you're not just in D'troyet?"
"No, of course not," said Kira shrugging blithely. "Right now, there are hundreds of Human starships in orbit above your planet, the combined on-hand assets of all six major factions that were in the neighborhood at the time of the challenge. There are thousands of Humans on your planet as we speak. The mayors of the largest two hundred or so cities are all going through what you are going through today, and others will soon follow. The Humans have a saying: Go big or go home."
John and Mohammad laughed at the confused expression in Luy'da's body language before John said, "Excuse us, we're looking for Ava." Then he and Mohammad disappeared again into the crowd, leaving Kira behind.
Luy'da was beginning to wonder if the Aliens' grasp of the language was not as good as it seemed. Luy'da understood the individual words easily enough, but the way the aliens used them didn't make sense. Or rather, Luy'da was hoping they didn't make sense. The alternative was... Luy'da gestured to a stool, inviting Kira to sit, and asked, "So, what exactly is a referee? I understand the word, but not in this context."
Kira folded her hands on the table in front of her and said, "Well, as in any sport, we keep track of the score and ensure the contestants follow the rules. Of course, in this case, it's a little more complicated. The Rladii need to project your non-intervention death rate to establish a baseline. To do that, my team will need to look at whatever census records you have. Then, when the contest ends, we will do an actual census and compare it to the projection to determine the total number of lives Human intervention has saved. But the hardest part is figuring out how much of which lives to attribute to which faction. For example, John is from the Angloeuro Union but arrived in a Gliese Caliphate drop-ship. How much do we credit the Gliese Caliphate for any rescues attributed to John?" Then, Kira leaned in as if revealing something private. "If we do our job well and are perceived as fair, it will be very prestigious for the whole of the Rladii people! Even better, Rladii economists think we may be on the verge of developing a whole new branch of economics. One where the currency is the number of lives saved."
Luy'da was shocked. "All this... is a game?"
Now it was Kira's turn to be shocked. "Didn't they tell you anything?"
"Apparently, they left out a few details."
The more Kira talked, the more confused and horrified Luy'da became. But he was the mayor of a major metropolitan area, and he got there by choking down his panic and appearing calm when getting folks to tell him the information he needed. "So, what exactly is the challenge?"
Kira replied, "Oh, um... Are you familiar with the Andlisian region? I hear it is famous for its Takka trees and the swik made from their fruits."
Luy'da blinked. Ever since Mohammad first approached him all those hours ago, he felt like every conversation gave him whiplash. "The Andlisian region was inside the blast zone. There are no more Takka trees."
"Exactly!" said Kira, "So when the K'lagha'a, Losa's mother and father, showed up offering a full case of Andlisian Swik to the faction that rescues the most K'lagha'a by the time Losa turns eight, every faction immediately threw everything they had at the effort!"
At that moment, John returned and said to Kira, "Sorry to interrupt. We found them in dome five."
Before Luy'da could say another word, Kira was off her seat, saying, "It was nice meeting you, Mayor Luy'da!" and she and John were off into the crowd.
"KIRA, WAIT! WHO'S LOSA?" but they were gone.
Scene 3: Resolve
Luy'da turned and looked out through the clear dome at the Mobile Command Center currently powering the entire core of the city. "It's a game," he thought, "and when the game ends, then what? Will the Humans pack up their things and disappear back into the void as abruptly as they arrived? Will the lights just... go out?"
Luy'da was in the process of reciting aloud to himself the entire dictionary of every profanity he had ever learned when his thoughts were interrupted by a voice coming from behind and a little below him. "Did I overhear correctly that you are the Mayor?"
Luy'da turned around and struggled not to fall off his stool at the sight of the hideous monster that had somehow slipped in behind him. It was a quadruped of about the same total weight as the Humans, and its exposed skin was a singularly unpleasant mottle of yellows and greens. It had a lump on its back that contained its eyes and a thick neck-like projection on its front that ended in a cluster of long, thick tentacles.
"Hi. They call me Frank," it said, waiving one tentacle forward as if it was trying to "shake hands" with him.
Gingerly, Luy'da reached out a hand in response. "Luy'da, and yes, I am the Mayor of D'troyet" The grip of the tentacle was firm and not as unpleasant as Luy'da expected, making him wonder if his ability to process weirdness had finally broken.
Frank moved a chair out of the way and, positioning himself closer, placed a glass containing a greenish drink on the table before saying, "Mind if I join you? I'd love to chat with you for a bit, get your perspective on Humans, how you're feeling, how you think things are going here, that sort of thing. Although overhearing you talking to yourself, I might already have some idea of how you're feeling right now. It's okay. Humans have that effect on everybody when they first meet them. You'll get used to it."
Luy'da looked a Frank, blinked, took a sip of water, and blinked again. Frank was still there; he was probably real. "Yeah, I'm a little overwhelmed, okay? This morning I was looking out of my office, watching my world die. Now I'm sitting at a table with an alien, the third species I've met in just a few hours, and the lights work. At this point, if I were to go insane, how would I know? What are you, by the way?"
Frank said, "Umpfaga. They call my species Umpfaga."
"Who's they?"
"Everybody that's not Umpfaga. My given name and that of my species are completely irreproducible by other species, in part because other species don't talk using one-meter radio waves."
"One-? Okay, yeah, I'm good with calling you Frank. How am I feeling? I just learned that the continued existence of my species is being decided as part of some game."
"Yes. Humans are very competitive."
"There's competitive, but this is a new level. How much are Humans willing to spend on this game? How far did everybody come?"
"Twenty-five light-years."
"Do Humans do this sort of thing often?"
"Nope," said Frank, "First time for everything."
Luy'da again looked out the dome at the lighted Hospital. "This is my world, my home. Today, the people of D'troyet got a taste of hope. What will happen when they realize their saviors are stark raving mad?" Luy'da pondered for a moment before adding, "The referee, Kira, said there were six factions in this game. Well, now there are seven. The K'lagha'a have more skin in the game than anybody, and we can play games too. Do you happen to know someone named Losa? And more importantly, when she turns eight?"
"Oh my. I'm embarrassed to say I don't actually know her exact birthday. I imagine that would be a useful piece of information right there. I'll be sure to look that up and get back to you. Anyway, I think she either just turned six or is about to, so the game will run another two years or so."
Luy'da was thinking about everything he and his people would need to accomplish before the game ended to make sure that, when the Humans pulled out, K'lagha'a society could continue to function. "Two years. By then, the power plants will have to be fixed or replaced; these domes will have to be replaced by actual buildings and... and... just everything. " After a pause, he murmured, "It would sure help if I could talk to the other Mayors and the central government."
"Why can't you?" asked Frank.
"Huh? Oh," said Luy'da, "The impact disabled the long-distance communication lines, and our satellite network finally failed a couple of years back. Every so often, another satellite de-orbits and crashes somewhere."
"The Asiacentauri Peoples Republic is deploying a low-orbit planet-wide communications network. They charge the other Factions points to use it. As you may have figured, points are shares of K'lagha'a lives. If you could convince Kira that helping you build your own infrastructure saves K'lagha'a lives, then you would have a bargaining position for talking to the Asiacentauri Peoples Republic."
"Frank?"
"Yes?"
"Why are you here?"
Frank reached into a pocket and pulled out his Press credentials. "You think I would pass up on the opportunity to cover the most anticipated game ever? The Extinction Game is the hottest topic up and down the whole spiral arm!"
"Frank, you're the Press. Could you create articles that help my narrative?"
If Luy'da had any idea what Umpfaga body language looked like, he would see that Frank was doing the equivalent of 'grinning from ear to ear.' "You sound just like a Human, Luy'da. I can do better than that. I can publish your narrative, yes, and I can also introduce you to the Faction and Rladii leaders and help you navigate their side of the game. But... there is a price."
"A price?" asked Luy'da.
"I want to be in the room where it happens," said Frank. "I want to glue myself to you when you are talking to the other K'lagha'a leaders and when you are negotiating with the Humans. I like you. Some leaders have squandered years corruptly pocketing gains from the outsiders without any preparation for the day the outsiders leave. Your story is a better story, and this kind of exclusive access could make my career."
Luy'da considered Frank's proposal before saying, "Call me Luy, Frank. The 'da is a formalism, sort of like mister or -san... I have no idea what the translator just told you, but hopefully, you get the idea... Luy is for between friends." Luy'da looked down at his glass. "Water, even clean water, isn't what I need right now. What say you and I wander over to the bar and see what else the Humans are serving?"
As Luy'da got up from the stool, Frank fell into step beside him, and the crowd parted in front of the mayor and the monster like the sea before a prophet. As they walked, Frank draped a cold heavy tentacle across the mayor's horizontal back and said, "Luy, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
Author’s note: This is the third story in the arc that starts with A Smile For Losa and continues the universe that was first introduced in The Ambassador.
<- previous story: Journey To Ulaanbaatar
submitted by SomethingTouchesBack to HFY [link] [comments]
Mayor Luy'da rested his tail on the floor and looked down from his office window to the long-dry fountain in the center of the plaza four stories below. In the before-times, the fountain burbled with clear, cold water while professional and government workers crowded the plaza, jostling each other for a position at the many colorful food trucks parked around the perimeter. Now, even at midday, only a handful of K'lagha'a shuffled between buildings, filter scarves wrapped securely around their necks to protect the nasal slits at the sides of their throats from the ever-present dust.
Looking down the street across the plaza, between the Hospital and what had once been an art museum, Luy'da contemplated the hazy sunlight glinting off the surface of the vast freshwater lake that extended beyond the Eastern horizon. In the before-times, ships plied those waters with all manner of goods. Funny how you don't think about supply chains until they collapse: How your deodorant or toilet paper is imported from somewhere else; How your locally manufactured desk uses drawer-slides manufactured somewhere else; How the elevator depends on lubricants manufactured somewhere else; How the purification chemicals used by the municipal water system are imported from somewhere else. Mayor Luy'da's office used to be on the twelfth floor before the elevator failed. Today nobody lives or works above the fourth floor anywhere in D'toryet, and everybody uses homemade sand-and-charcoal filters to make the tap water a little safer. Today, the brown and white feathers covering Luy'da's theropod-shaped body are dulled by the pervasive dust.
In the before-times, before an asteroid slammed into the far side of the planet, nearly two million K'lagha'a lived in the greater D'toryet metropolitan area. Half of them died within days of the initial impact. Earthquakes collapsed buildings, surging water devastated the lakefront, and fires raged unchecked, leaving block after city block as empty fields of charcoal and grit. In the six years since that terrible day, as sharp-edged silicon-rich dust blotted out the sun, more and more K'lagha'a succumbed to cold, starvation, and silicosis. Today, only about 90,000 remain. Nine out of ten buildings from the before-times stand vacant or have been destroyed. Children are the most vulnerable; nearly an entire generation... lost.
Over the years, the larger granules settled out of the sky so that today the sun again shimmers, albeit diffusely, through a silver-blue sky. But looks are deceiving. The smallest particles of dust are the most dangerous. They lurk unseen in the air until lodging deep in a person's lungs. Luy'da coughed and reflexively touched his inflamed nasal slits. Everybody coughed. When you stopped coughing, it was because you were dead.
The demands on the mayor of a dying city, a city without functioning infrastructure, are slight, and Mayor Luy'da glanced at his lunch, sitting on his otherwise empty desk. Like every day's lunch, today's lunch was a bland biscuit made from sveste, a flour derived from an easy-to-raise insect of the same name that makes up most of the insectivorous K'lagha'a's diet. Oh, how he missed the strongly seasoned castnas pastries and skewered ploshi of the food trucks. Luy'da found it humorous that, at the end of the world, it wasn't some fancy cuisine but the everyday street food he was missing the most.
On impulse, Luy'da wrapped his filter scarf around his neck, picked up his lunch, and headed down the stairs. He kept his emergency radio clipped to his belt on the off-chance that somebody wanted to reach him, but today, he wanted to eat sitting on the edge of the fountain. When he sat there, if he closed his eyes, he could almost remember the sounds and smells of the past.
Scene 2: Hope
Luy'da's eyes flew open at the deafening boom of heated and compressed air failing to get out of the way of something falling from the sky far more quickly than things ought to. "Probably another low-orbit satellite is succumbing to atmospheric drag," he thought. But, as he looked up, the massive object flying close overhead was no small satellite fragment. Luy'da saw, through the gap between the Hospital and the museum, the cloud of ash that kicked up as the object plunged into an empty lot just a few blocks East. Dropping the rest of his lunch, he bolted down the street.
As Luy'da emerged from between the buildings, he saw a crowd forming at the back entrance to the Hospital, staring out at the new arrival. An intact vehicle like nothing Luy'da had ever seen before sat partly buried in the dirt. Sloped slabs of flat metal rose to a top laden with a plethora of equipment, some of which looked ominous. Luy'da grabbed his radio and called his Director of Emergency Operations. "Moak'da, meet me at the corner of Main and Takka immediately."
"Right behind you," said Moak'da as he caught up. Just then, one of the slabs slammed down, forming a ramp, and a group of... creatures... emerged: Tailless, vertical torso, covered head to toe in mottled green material that had the lumpy stiffness of armor. They were carrying what looked a lot like smaller versions of the things on the roof. The creatures fanned out around the vehicle as if protecting it.
"Weapons," said Moak'da.
"Well, we might as well play along," sighed Mayor Luy'da. "What's one more disaster when we're dead already? You're the Director of Emergency Operations- What does the book say about alien invasions?"
"It says don't waste sick and ill-equipped police officers against a professional military force. It says to be polite and submissive so as not to provoke them. It says when they seek our leader, that's you, not me."
"Don't even think about leaving me here to face these... whatever... alone," retorted Mayer Luy'da.
Right on cue, a creature holding a device with a multi-pronged antenna pointed at Luy'da and Moak'da. Soon the creature, joined by another, headed their way. Luy'da felt like his legs were somehow melted into the ground as, side by side, the two terrifying aliens walked up and stood before him and an equally motionless Moak'da. There was a brief pause before the second alien reached up to its head and lifted off what turned out to be a full-head helmet. Bare soft-looking tan flesh surrounded stereo vision eyes and a practically non-existent muzzle. Instead of feathers, thick black hair covered its jaw and the top of its head. "How can one be in full I'm-going-to-pass-out panic and still struggle not to laugh?" thought Luy'da. A snort from Moak'da showed he was fighting the same struggle. The damn thing looked like a furry version of a K'oba from a children's book, a caricature of unyielding friendliness and comfort dressed in the most intimidating outfit imaginable. The dissonance was aggravated further when the completely alien creature spoke in perfect K'lagha'a, "I am Mohammad Abbas, in charge of this contact group. You are wearing radios. Are you part of the local Emergency Services group?"
Luy'da let out a little breath of relief and, pointing, said, "Moak'da is the Director of Emergency Services."
Moak'da quickly and indignantly replied, "And Luy'da is the mayor of this city."
The creature that called itself Mohammad made a loud cackling sound while exposing many small but very white teeth and said, "Okay. If you two are done throwing each other under the bus, please understand that this is not an invasion, despite how it probably looks. We were invited here to help. Now, I need you to introduce some of my people to the right people on your side to get this help underway. Also, do you have any extra filter scarves? Our supply ship is detained, and until it gets here, all we have are these damn helmets."
At that moment, another sonic boom heralded the arrival of another ship, which buried itself in the dust somewhat closer to the lake. The yet-to-be-named Human that still had its helmet on said, "The Angloeuros are late, as always."
"Pardon my bluntness," said Moak'da, "but this sure looks like an invasion despite your assurances to the contrary."
Mohammad shook his head and held his hands out in a palms-down motion. "Nope. Only the most incompetent idiot would destroy what they aspire to assimilate. Not to imply that Humans have any shortage of idiots, but still, the K'lagha'a are WAY more valuable to us healthy, happy, and productive!"
Luy'da and Moak'da were still trying to process those words when the ramp opened on the second ship. The creatures that emerged were shaped the same as those from the first ship but were wearing heavy fabric coveralls with matching blue filters over only the lower half of their faces instead of the full-body armor of the first group. Two of them broke away from the ship and moved quickly up the hill to join those around Luy'da.
One of them, the one with light yellow hair on top of its head, thrust a box at the Human with the radio finder while saying to the other, "Damascus says they'll get a shuttle to you tomorrow. Here are some of our masks to tide you over."
The Human called Mohammad replied, "In imperial blue, no doubt. I hope the referee doesn't get confused and give you our credit." But he was smiling nonetheless. "John, meet mayor Luy'da and his director of emergency services... Moak'da?"
John held forward an arm and said, also in perfect K'lagha'a, "Hi. John Hanson. Angloeuro Union."
Luy'da didn't understand what was expected. He was saved by Mohammad suddenly turning and, taking John Hanson's hand, saying, "Happy to meet you. I am Mohammad Abbas, representing the Gliese Caliphate. Welcome, fellow Human."
Luy'da caught on, and as Mohammad let go of John's hand, Luy'da grabbed it and said, "Happy to meet you. I am Luy'da, mayor of D’toryet."
"Mayor! Excellent! Damn, Mohammad, that was quite a landing."
"Yes, our drop-ships are designed for true believers, not soft Angloeuros."
"I see your point. Riding in them is an act of faith!"
"Our drop-ships are completely reliable. They always hit the planet."
As the two humans cackled together, Luy'da had difficulty tracking which one was talking. What was clear was that they were talking to each other through their translators. Luy'da interjected, "I do not mean to be rude, but are you one species or two? You are shaped the same yet look and dress differently. You talk as friends, but I think not in the same language. You call yourselves Human, and you call yourselves something else. What are you?"
John asked back, "Before the asteroid, did Lak'dee have a unified world government?"
"Yes, of course," said a puzzled Luy'da, "We achieved space travel! You need a unified government to have the social and political stability to do that!"
"No. Actually, you don't," replied John. "Humans never achieved a unified government. We are broken into many factions. The" -gesturing at Mohammad "-Gliese Caliphate and the" -gesturing at himself "-Angloeuro Union are two of them. And perhaps social stability is overrated too. We are always fighting with each other." John tilted his head. "In fact, Mohammad and his group were just about to attack my people with-" arm sweeping across the scene, "-these very ships before they and we were interrupted to come here." John laughed again, "Mohammad didn't even get a chance to change his clothes!"
Luy'da was trying to process that when Mohammad spoke to Moak'da, "Well, enough chit-chat. We don't want the other factions to get ahead of us. Moak'da, can you take Ava-" Turning, Mohammad shouted to the group of Humans around the first drop-ship, "Ava! You and your team go with Moak'da." Then turning back, Mohammad continued, "-sorry. Can you show Ava and her team the Hospital and any other medical facilities you have? She's a trained field medic and can get you whatever supplies and help you need."
As Moak'da and Ava wandered off, a flustered Luy'da again tried to get back on top of the conversation. "Supplies will help, but I fear our greatest problem may be electricity. By cannibalizing parts, the city has managed to keep one power plant running, but that only gives us enough electricity to keep the lights on in the Hospital and run its medical equipment for about ten hours a day. Patents often die during the night."
The Human, John, motioned to the crowd of K'lagha'a gathered next to the Hospital and said to Mohammad, "That explains them."
Luy'da said, "Do they bother you? Do you want me to have them moved?"
"No," said Human Mohammad, "What we find concerning is that they are there at all. Alien warships slam into your city. Armed alien troops disembark. And yet your people stand and watch instead of running in terror. It tells me that they have lost faith, that they have lost hope. Loss of hope can kill as surely as the dust. It causes you not to save yourself. We must give them hope before we can save them from the dust."
"Electricity is a start," said John. "Lights, food, the trappings of normal can help break them out of their apathy. Then we can deal with bigger issues like curing your lung disease and restarting your economy. Is that substation over there the one powering the Hospital?"
"Yes," said Luy'da, "That is the substation for all of Government Center and this area down to the waterfront."
"Perfect!" said John, who then spoke into his radio, "Get a 'dozer and level the square across from the substation. Then call upstairs and have them drop a mobile command center right there. I want its reactor coupled into the substation and this entire neighborhood powered up before nightfall."
Mohammad clarified to Moak'da and Luy'da, "MCCs come with a ground-to-space laser defense system. We don't need the lasers, but the fusion reactor that powers them could probably drive this entire city." He then added, "What's your water situation?"
As the hours passed, Luy'da ran himself to exhaustion, trying to be everywhere at once. The bulldozers created flat ground where quiet shuttles gently landed and unloaded more Humans and equipment. Inflatable chemical and biological warfare domes covering entire city blocks popped up at a phenomenal pace. The domes provided clean, dust-free spaces that became dining, shelter, and medical facilities.
Finally, as the sun set over the Western horizon, lighting the sky in a brilliant red and orange reminder of the ever-present dust, Luy'da found himself sitting on a stool at a little round table near the inside edge of one of the giant clear domes. He sipped clean water and ate something that was a fair approximation of his favorite castnas pastries as a live band played in the background.
Where had the Humans found K'lagha'a musicians with still-working instruments? Well, there should be about 90,000 K'lagha'a in the D'troyet metropolitan area, and the Humans seemed to be wasting no time meeting all of them.
When Luy'da thought about it, it was disconcerting how much the Humans seemed to already know about Lak'dee and the K'lagha'a while he knew absolutely nothing about them. But he couldn't deny that John and Mohammad were making good on their vow to restore hope to the people of D'troyet... one loud party at a time. There was quite a crowd in the dome already.
Luy'da looked out through the translucent wall. The Hospital was lit up clear to the top, including the flashing beacon on its antenna mast. The Hospital was one of the tallest buildings still standing in all of D'troyet. Luy'da did not doubt K'lagha'a homesteading in the suburban and rural areas many kilometers away would see the beacon and find their way here over the coming days. The shelter domes would be very much needed.
Luy'da was halfway through his second castnas pastry when he noticed John and Mohammad floundering through the crowd while getting jostled by thick K'lagha'a tails they kept forgetting to navigate around. "Luy'da! There you are! There's someone we would like you to meet."
John and Mohammad stepped apart to reveal a shorter biped wearing a black and white striped short-sleeved shirt and black pants. It had widely spaced eyes, and short tan fur covered all of its exposed skin. Mohammad said, "Luy'da, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Kira. She is a Rladii and will be the chief referee for the D'troyet region. Kira, this is Luy'da, the Mayor of D'troyet."
Luy'da held out a hand, as John had demonstrated earlier. As Kira took hold of it, Luy'da noticed that she had two thumbs, one on either side of her palm. Kira said, "It's a pleasure to meet you. If you have any concerns about anything these Humans are doing in your city, and never forget it is your city, you may contact me or any other referee. Look for the striped shirts."
Luy'da nodded a curt thank-you to Kira before looking back to Mohammad, "I'm surprised to see you and Mark still here. I noticed the ships you arrived in have departed."
"Oh, we are here for the duration," said Mohammad, "A lifter came by and picked up the drop-ships. They'll be taken up, refurbished, assigned a new crew, and dropped on some other town."
"They're a great way to get a few tens of people from orbit to ground in a hurry when there is no receiving infrastructure," added John, "but now that we're here, we'll be using regular shuttles."
"So," Luy'da looked back and forth between the three aliens, "you're not just in D'troyet?"
"No, of course not," said Kira shrugging blithely. "Right now, there are hundreds of Human starships in orbit above your planet, the combined on-hand assets of all six major factions that were in the neighborhood at the time of the challenge. There are thousands of Humans on your planet as we speak. The mayors of the largest two hundred or so cities are all going through what you are going through today, and others will soon follow. The Humans have a saying: Go big or go home."
John and Mohammad laughed at the confused expression in Luy'da's body language before John said, "Excuse us, we're looking for Ava." Then he and Mohammad disappeared again into the crowd, leaving Kira behind.
Luy'da was beginning to wonder if the Aliens' grasp of the language was not as good as it seemed. Luy'da understood the individual words easily enough, but the way the aliens used them didn't make sense. Or rather, Luy'da was hoping they didn't make sense. The alternative was... Luy'da gestured to a stool, inviting Kira to sit, and asked, "So, what exactly is a referee? I understand the word, but not in this context."
Kira folded her hands on the table in front of her and said, "Well, as in any sport, we keep track of the score and ensure the contestants follow the rules. Of course, in this case, it's a little more complicated. The Rladii need to project your non-intervention death rate to establish a baseline. To do that, my team will need to look at whatever census records you have. Then, when the contest ends, we will do an actual census and compare it to the projection to determine the total number of lives Human intervention has saved. But the hardest part is figuring out how much of which lives to attribute to which faction. For example, John is from the Angloeuro Union but arrived in a Gliese Caliphate drop-ship. How much do we credit the Gliese Caliphate for any rescues attributed to John?" Then, Kira leaned in as if revealing something private. "If we do our job well and are perceived as fair, it will be very prestigious for the whole of the Rladii people! Even better, Rladii economists think we may be on the verge of developing a whole new branch of economics. One where the currency is the number of lives saved."
Luy'da was shocked. "All this... is a game?"
Now it was Kira's turn to be shocked. "Didn't they tell you anything?"
"Apparently, they left out a few details."
The more Kira talked, the more confused and horrified Luy'da became. But he was the mayor of a major metropolitan area, and he got there by choking down his panic and appearing calm when getting folks to tell him the information he needed. "So, what exactly is the challenge?"
Kira replied, "Oh, um... Are you familiar with the Andlisian region? I hear it is famous for its Takka trees and the swik made from their fruits."
Luy'da blinked. Ever since Mohammad first approached him all those hours ago, he felt like every conversation gave him whiplash. "The Andlisian region was inside the blast zone. There are no more Takka trees."
"Exactly!" said Kira, "So when the K'lagha'a, Losa's mother and father, showed up offering a full case of Andlisian Swik to the faction that rescues the most K'lagha'a by the time Losa turns eight, every faction immediately threw everything they had at the effort!"
At that moment, John returned and said to Kira, "Sorry to interrupt. We found them in dome five."
Before Luy'da could say another word, Kira was off her seat, saying, "It was nice meeting you, Mayor Luy'da!" and she and John were off into the crowd.
"KIRA, WAIT! WHO'S LOSA?" but they were gone.
Scene 3: Resolve
Luy'da turned and looked out through the clear dome at the Mobile Command Center currently powering the entire core of the city. "It's a game," he thought, "and when the game ends, then what? Will the Humans pack up their things and disappear back into the void as abruptly as they arrived? Will the lights just... go out?"
Luy'da was in the process of reciting aloud to himself the entire dictionary of every profanity he had ever learned when his thoughts were interrupted by a voice coming from behind and a little below him. "Did I overhear correctly that you are the Mayor?"
Luy'da turned around and struggled not to fall off his stool at the sight of the hideous monster that had somehow slipped in behind him. It was a quadruped of about the same total weight as the Humans, and its exposed skin was a singularly unpleasant mottle of yellows and greens. It had a lump on its back that contained its eyes and a thick neck-like projection on its front that ended in a cluster of long, thick tentacles.
"Hi. They call me Frank," it said, waiving one tentacle forward as if it was trying to "shake hands" with him.
Gingerly, Luy'da reached out a hand in response. "Luy'da, and yes, I am the Mayor of D'troyet" The grip of the tentacle was firm and not as unpleasant as Luy'da expected, making him wonder if his ability to process weirdness had finally broken.
Frank moved a chair out of the way and, positioning himself closer, placed a glass containing a greenish drink on the table before saying, "Mind if I join you? I'd love to chat with you for a bit, get your perspective on Humans, how you're feeling, how you think things are going here, that sort of thing. Although overhearing you talking to yourself, I might already have some idea of how you're feeling right now. It's okay. Humans have that effect on everybody when they first meet them. You'll get used to it."
Luy'da looked a Frank, blinked, took a sip of water, and blinked again. Frank was still there; he was probably real. "Yeah, I'm a little overwhelmed, okay? This morning I was looking out of my office, watching my world die. Now I'm sitting at a table with an alien, the third species I've met in just a few hours, and the lights work. At this point, if I were to go insane, how would I know? What are you, by the way?"
Frank said, "Umpfaga. They call my species Umpfaga."
"Who's they?"
"Everybody that's not Umpfaga. My given name and that of my species are completely irreproducible by other species, in part because other species don't talk using one-meter radio waves."
"One-? Okay, yeah, I'm good with calling you Frank. How am I feeling? I just learned that the continued existence of my species is being decided as part of some game."
"Yes. Humans are very competitive."
"There's competitive, but this is a new level. How much are Humans willing to spend on this game? How far did everybody come?"
"Twenty-five light-years."
"Do Humans do this sort of thing often?"
"Nope," said Frank, "First time for everything."
Luy'da again looked out the dome at the lighted Hospital. "This is my world, my home. Today, the people of D'troyet got a taste of hope. What will happen when they realize their saviors are stark raving mad?" Luy'da pondered for a moment before adding, "The referee, Kira, said there were six factions in this game. Well, now there are seven. The K'lagha'a have more skin in the game than anybody, and we can play games too. Do you happen to know someone named Losa? And more importantly, when she turns eight?"
"Oh my. I'm embarrassed to say I don't actually know her exact birthday. I imagine that would be a useful piece of information right there. I'll be sure to look that up and get back to you. Anyway, I think she either just turned six or is about to, so the game will run another two years or so."
Luy'da was thinking about everything he and his people would need to accomplish before the game ended to make sure that, when the Humans pulled out, K'lagha'a society could continue to function. "Two years. By then, the power plants will have to be fixed or replaced; these domes will have to be replaced by actual buildings and... and... just everything. " After a pause, he murmured, "It would sure help if I could talk to the other Mayors and the central government."
"Why can't you?" asked Frank.
"Huh? Oh," said Luy'da, "The impact disabled the long-distance communication lines, and our satellite network finally failed a couple of years back. Every so often, another satellite de-orbits and crashes somewhere."
"The Asiacentauri Peoples Republic is deploying a low-orbit planet-wide communications network. They charge the other Factions points to use it. As you may have figured, points are shares of K'lagha'a lives. If you could convince Kira that helping you build your own infrastructure saves K'lagha'a lives, then you would have a bargaining position for talking to the Asiacentauri Peoples Republic."
"Frank?"
"Yes?"
"Why are you here?"
Frank reached into a pocket and pulled out his Press credentials. "You think I would pass up on the opportunity to cover the most anticipated game ever? The Extinction Game is the hottest topic up and down the whole spiral arm!"
"Frank, you're the Press. Could you create articles that help my narrative?"
If Luy'da had any idea what Umpfaga body language looked like, he would see that Frank was doing the equivalent of 'grinning from ear to ear.' "You sound just like a Human, Luy'da. I can do better than that. I can publish your narrative, yes, and I can also introduce you to the Faction and Rladii leaders and help you navigate their side of the game. But... there is a price."
"A price?" asked Luy'da.
"I want to be in the room where it happens," said Frank. "I want to glue myself to you when you are talking to the other K'lagha'a leaders and when you are negotiating with the Humans. I like you. Some leaders have squandered years corruptly pocketing gains from the outsiders without any preparation for the day the outsiders leave. Your story is a better story, and this kind of exclusive access could make my career."
Luy'da considered Frank's proposal before saying, "Call me Luy, Frank. The 'da is a formalism, sort of like mister or -san... I have no idea what the translator just told you, but hopefully, you get the idea... Luy is for between friends." Luy'da looked down at his glass. "Water, even clean water, isn't what I need right now. What say you and I wander over to the bar and see what else the Humans are serving?"
As Luy'da got up from the stool, Frank fell into step beside him, and the crowd parted in front of the mayor and the monster like the sea before a prophet. As they walked, Frank draped a cold heavy tentacle across the mayor's horizontal back and said, "Luy, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
Author’s note: This is the third story in the arc that starts with A Smile For Losa and continues the universe that was first introduced in The Ambassador.
<- previous story: Journey To Ulaanbaatar
2023.01.17 07:48 Nightwitch92 Started watching on Netflix. I HATE the whole “protect the talkers” aspect in the last season!
Fuck the damn talkers! They are inherently dangerous. The whole humans are bad shit is so stupid. Yes humans can be bad. But guess what- they won’t eat your brains because you run out of damn biscuits.
They go so far to protect talkers that they even feed Charlie’s brains to the talkers while he is still alive. Supposedly he “volunteered”. I think it’s more likely Fin volunteered it for him. Addy makes it clear she hates ppl now when she was talking to George. I think she’d get behind the idea forcibly feeding a humans brains to a talking zombie to “protect” it.
The whole thing is so idiotic. That mother was right when she pulled her daughter out of the class with the talker kids. As soon as the shortage on biscuits happened they should have been quarantined or sent out of town!
Why can’t talkers build their own talker friendly communities?
Rant Over. RIP Charlie.
submitted by Nightwitch92 to ZNation [link] [comments]
They go so far to protect talkers that they even feed Charlie’s brains to the talkers while he is still alive. Supposedly he “volunteered”. I think it’s more likely Fin volunteered it for him. Addy makes it clear she hates ppl now when she was talking to George. I think she’d get behind the idea forcibly feeding a humans brains to a talking zombie to “protect” it.
The whole thing is so idiotic. That mother was right when she pulled her daughter out of the class with the talker kids. As soon as the shortage on biscuits happened they should have been quarantined or sent out of town!
Why can’t talkers build their own talker friendly communities?
Rant Over. RIP Charlie.