feeling small after friend commented on me “snapping” at people
2023.05.29 17:27 bi-loser99feeling small after friend commented on me “snapping” at people
I (23f) was diagnosed in my 20s after first being “flagged” as a teenager. Since entering therapy as a teen, I’ve been very focused on building my social skills and emotional intelligence. I am hyper-empathetic and am very, very conscious of how I come across. I never want to be mean or rude or snap at people. I try to police my tone and words often in order to make people comfortable. The last thing I want is to hurt someone because I’m being too harsh or rude without realizing. If I think I may be snapping or getting frustrated/overwhelmed, I make sure to voice how I’m feeling and what is going on. I apologize for “snapping” or getting frustrated, and make it clear that they aren’t the problem, and tell them what is bothering me. It’s not perfect but I’m trying. Yesterday, my best friend (23f) asked me of everything is okay in my relationship with my partner (23m) because of “how snappy” I was during a crochet night the three of us had. I had been trying to start crocheting for the first time, and my bf and I were struggling. I was outwardly frustrated, but I repeatedly said I was frustrated that I was struggling with the stitch and not with my bf and bff. I apologized to both of them and explained of I was snapping I was sorry because I didn’t mean to and didn’t realize if I was. We eventually took a break and decided to pick it up again another day. I wasn’t pissed and yelling, just frustrated with myself. She’s now asking if our relationship is okay because of my snapping. It totally threw me off and now I’m terrified and a little pissed. How many times can I make it clear I am not arguing or snapping with people, both in the moment and before/after, before people understand? This crochet night was 2-3 weeks ago so idk why she wanted to bring it up after I told her we were doing great and I was giving him a key to my place. We’re already set to move in together in September so I didn’t think it was a crazy jump. I’m so tired of people turning normal conversations where there is no change in tone or feeling or volume from me is suddenly a fight or I’m being crazy and angry. It’s exhausting, I’m already trying so hard and yet my bff is telling me it’s not enough. She kept insisting something must be wrong in our relationship or in my life to cause me to act like this but literally nothing has changed!! If anything, I’ve been more relaxed in the last month than I was earlier this year after problems with school, my parents, and two loved ones dying. I feel so lost and small and just done.
I posted a few days ago (you can read in my post history) about feeling like I need to end things with AP. In a nutshell, his SO found some of our messages he didn't delete and while it was nothing terribly incriminating, she felt there was a flirty vibe and combined with the fact that she's not ok with him ever talking to women, she got pissed. In all that I got spooked that my SO would find out and began reconsidering things and realizing what a bad idea it all is (no judging here - this is all about myself personally). I don't want to upend mine, my kids and my SO life for selfish reasons and I financially can't go through a divorce or be a single mother. I also don't want to deal with the social fallout that would come from an affair being brought out in the open. That might beg the question of why did I start an affair in the first place but sometimes I make stupid decisions, that's all I can say about that. After reading the replies and much consideration I decided I would tell my AP that we should take a break. He needs to patch things up with his SO and I need to have a little space to think about what I want. We set a date and said let's not talk until then, when we'll meet at our spot where we usually go. It's in a few weeks. As of right now, at that time I'm thinking I'm going to tell him I need to end it for good. That was only 2 days ago and I already feel like crap. I'm so sad and I already miss him so much. We usually message every day and while there have been some days of less contact, knowing that it's the beginning of us not talking makes it seem worse. The fact that it was my idea (sort of had my hand forced but he would've kept on going like nothing happened) makes me mad at myself for being the one to make a mature decision. And I'm just so, so sad at the prospect of losing what AP and I have, and just having my relationship with my SO. It's not terrible, but it's mundane, passionless, routine. There's no excitement or newness and my SO just takes and takes. My AP made me feel like I was a treasure he found and my SO makes me feel like I'm a piece of furniture that he uses when needed. All these feelings and emotions I'm forced to keep to myself because no one can know what's going on. I'm pretending I haven't been sleeping well and that's why I've been so moody but I have to just suck it up and keep a happy face while I'm drowning in my tears inside. I just want to say thank you to this sub for being here because I don't know how I would process all this without being able to send things off into the world of internet strangers.
2023.05.29 17:24 PanasitMultiple Fatalities at Haunted/cursed Objects Exhibition
The haunted/cursed objects exhibition which featured items that had caused gruesome deaths of their owners or anyone else that got close to them was another stunt by Professor Melvin. Professor Eric Melvin was one of those professors who thought he was too good for this little community college in Shady Grove, Maryland. I took his art history class, which he never shied away from telling everyone he had no time for. I was shocked to see that his teaching slides were just blurry photos that he took of the pages from a textbook with his phone. What Melvin had time for were stunts. His goals were to get the attention of the Gazettes or be trending on social media. His earlier exhibition which featured only blowup prints of a screencap of a dating app profile made the front page of the Style section, and that was all that mattered. Unlike his other stunts, the haunted/cursed object exhibition involved me.I worked as a student assistant at the college’s Art Department. My jobs consisted of making photocopies, answering phones, and taking turns with other assistants to guard the gallery until 8 pm. Melvin asked us assistants to help with the setting up of the haunted/cursed objects show. We all politely declined, which annoyed Melvin a bit. He stared at me with the just-you-wait look. I came from a superstitious culture where there was always someone who knew someone who had fallen victim to dark magic. No one could pay me enough to touch those literally cursed things. As I was watching the delivery guys carrying the objects into the gallery, I was surprised by how modern the haunted/cursed objects were. I was expecting a creepy painting or a scary doll. Instead, there was, a plasma TV a recliner armchair a turquoise necklace a miniature fire station and even an animatronic singing fish. Without additional decor, the exhibit looked more like a yard sale.The owner of the objects had a list of rules, but Melvin never bothered to look at it. He handed me a still-sealed envelope. I read the rules aloud so that Melvin, my supervisor, and other student assistants could hear them too. Dear Professor Melvin.
Thank you for taking an interest in my collection. All of these objects have caused numerous misfortunes and deaths in the past. It is my sincere wish to not add any more tragedy to the collection’s history. Please follow these rules carefully and may your show conclude without incident. Rule 1: Never be in the same room with any of these objects when the lights are off. Rule 2: Do not allow pregnant women anywhere near the haunted/cursed objects. Rule 3: The cursed pieces of jewelry have the power to entice people to wear them. Please make sure you have a system in place where people won’t be able to touch them. Rule 4: Do not connect any device to the TV. Rule 5: Do not change the channel on the TV. If you or someone else did, you must change the channel back to channel 33. Rule 6: This should not happen if the above rules were followed, but if the little light on the gate of the miniature fire station starts to blink and makes a sound, run as far away as possible and call me directly.
Melvin scoffed and said, if the exhibit ends without incident, where’s the fun in that? Melvin then turned to me, hoping to get a reaction. I was taken aback. What was that supposed to mean? Did he just say he wanted something bad to happen? What are you planning, Melvin?The letter continued,
My collection contains both cursed objects and haunted objects. Haunted objects are possessed by spirits and can cause fear, while cursed objects are deadly to anyone who interacts with them. The plasma TV is both, and is, therefore, the most dangerous. Please be extra careful around it.
I took my concern about the assistant’s safety to the dean, whose office was right next to the gallery. The dean laughed and asked me if I believe in curses and ghosts. I said that in Thailand, there was a phrase that said “Not believing is fine, but don’t disrespect just in case,” and that was my stance. The dean shook her head and just told me that if I was so scared then don’t break any of the rules. For the first time working there, I felt less like a student talking to a well-meaning professor, and more like an employee whose concern was being brushed off by an apathetic employer. The first night with the haunted/cursed objects inside the gallery I was guarding them with another student assistant. We behaved just like any other night as we just sat in the mailroom and watched YouTubers play Dead by Daylight. We could see what was going on in the gallery next door through the CCTV monitor. At 7.30, both of us heard a very loud thud coming from the gallery. I didn’t see anything abnormal on the CCTV, so the other assistant and I both walked over to the gallery to check.We both saw a squirrel with its neck broken lying dead in front of the plasma TV. I didn’t know how it got inside. That was enough for me to creep me out and want to call it a night, even if it was a bit early. Something I hadn’t thought about until then was that I had to turn off the lights, but the switches were at the far end of the gallery. I would have to walk out of the gallery in the dark, breaking rule number 1. To avoid breaking the rule, I told the other student assistant to keep the door open and light the room up a bit with her phone’s flashlight. It was a good thing that we both came from a culture that believe in curses and hauntings, so I didn’t have to work too hard to convince her. I shut off all the lights and ran out. The other student assistant asked me what I would do the next night when I would have to guard the gallery alone. I told her I would probably just leave the gallery’s lights on for one night.I got to the mailroom the next day at around 10.00 AM and there was a commotion. One of the haunted/cursed objects, a turquoise necklace, was missing. I asked my supervisor bluntly if it was our fault, but one of the professors said he saw it early that morning, which meant that it wasn’t stolen overnight. Since this had nothing to do with me, I just went to class. In the evening, it was time for me to guard the gallery alone and I started the night by just watching people play Dead by Daylight to pass the time. In between one of the matches, I looked over at the CCTV monitor and saw a lanky man in ragged clothing staring at the plasma TV. Normally, a strange person walking into a gallery would not be a cause for concern. I mean, that was the point of having an exhibition. But, two things made me run to the gallery. One, I could see that the man had a flickering glow on his face, which meant that the TV was turned on. The TV wasn’t supposed to be plugged in and turned on until the official opening ceremony on Friday. And two, he was changing the channel. The man did not notice me despite me asking him repeatedly to step away from the TV so that I could switch it off. I considered just pulling the plug, but the man looked scary. What if the moment I unplugged the TV he decided to jump me? The man kept staring at the plasma TV with his mouth slightly opened, seemingly in a trance. Up close, I could see that he was unshaven and his eyes were bloodshot red. His fingers kept pushing the button that changed the channel, despite the screen only showing static. I did not know what to do. The man technically wasn’t doing anything wrong since we didn’t announce the rules to the public. There wasn’t any sign that said don’t touch the TV and don’t change the channel. I can’t tell the security guard to kick him out just because of his disheveled appearance. This is a public college, so he has the right to be there as much as anyone else. I decided to go back to the mailroom to watch more YouTube videos, hoping that he would leave on his own before closing time. When it was 8 pm and he was still doing the same thing. I called my supervisor to ask her about my options. She said to ask the security guards at the front of the school for help. I brought two security guards back with me to the gallery. Once we arrived, we found the man seemingly strangling himself on the floor in front of the plasma TV. The TV screen showed a very old black-and-white POV shot of a person being strangled by another man who had a sadistic glee on his face. One of the security guards rushed in to help the man while the other one radioed his superior to call for an ambulance. I was horrified by what I saw. The face on the screen of a smiling man started out staring downward at the person he was strangling. But after a while, he looked up right at the camera like he was looking at me. As I was backing away from the chaos, an elevator next to the gallery made a sound. Someone was coming down from the fourth floor? No one should have been upstairs since this was already past 8 pm, and our building did not have any night classes. Once the elevator door was opened, a cleaning lady who was inside turned around. Her eyes were gouged out and there was blood all over. She held her hands up and ran out of the elevator toward me. She tried to grab onto my shirt collar but her hands missed, and she collapsed on the ground. She was wearing the missing necklace. I was so scared, I was on the floor and didn’t even remember falling. The security guards, who looked shocked and traumatized themselves, told me that I didn’t have to wait for the paramedics with them. And so, I just bolted home. I had a hard time sleeping that night, with the image of the cleaning lady without her eyes rushing toward me burning into my brain. I decided to go back to the college the next day to rip everyone a new one. The dean, my supervisor, and especially Melvin for allowing this to happen. I also just wanted to get some updates on the cleaning lady and the man. On my way to the department building, a pregnant woman was walking right beside me. As we got closer to the entrance of the art building, I realized she was about to go through an entrance close to the gallery. Remembering the rules about pregnant women, I stopped her. I politely asked her what was she there for. She seemed annoyed and answered that Professor Melvin asked her to meet with him for an acting job. She was going to be in his experimental films. He asked her to wait for him inside the gallery. There was no doubt in my mind, Melvin was deliberately challenging the rules. I asked the woman to wait and called the other student assistant to ask if Melvin was in. She said Melvin never showed up to his morning class and could not be reached. Before I hung up, the student assistant told me that the man who strangled himself died but the cleaning lady survived. The cleaning lady told the police at the hospital that she didn’t steal the necklace. Melvin paid her 50 dollars to wear the turquoise necklace for a day as part of his experimental film. I turned to the pregnant woman she was not allowed to go into the building, and to go shop at the bookstore in a different building instead. I will tell Melvin to meet her there. She seemed angry, and in hindsight, I probably used the wrong words and should have tried a bit harder to convince her. But, I was about to storm the office and didn’t have time to tell her about the haunted/cursed objects and the exhibition’s rules. I saw that my supervisor was also at the dean’s office. Before I could yell at both of them, the dean sheepishly turned her computer monitor for me to see. It showed Melvin installing something behind the TV and also plugging the TV in. The dean said that it was something that would allow Melvin to turn the TV on or off remotely. I was livid! Did Melvin plan this? I reminded everyone about the rules, then angrily told the dean about the pregnant woman I had just met and how Melvin was trying to break another rule by using her. Both the dean and my supervisor were speechless. I wanted to find Melvin right now, seriously considering slapping him. But nobody knew where Melvin was. People had been trying to contact him since last night. Then, Melvin’s wife called the dean.Professor Melvin was found dead on the stairs last night. He fell and broke his neck. She said his body was contorted in an unnatural way, with his legs twisted and wrapped around the stairs’ railings. He died with his eyes wide open, filled with fear, glaring intensely at the front door. The dean and my supervisor were both stunned. They turned to me, trying to see if I was going to join them in being shocked. No, I was still angry, and partly at them, for allowing this to happen. The dean then avoided any more eye contact with me. I think that by that point she was a believer. Suddenly the pregnant woman from earlier appeared behind me. She had her hands on her hip and her face was full of defiance. She quickly turned to sneer at me before approaching the dean. She said that I dared told her that she was not allowed to enter the building, confident that this would get me in trouble. She went on a rant about how she paid taxes and that she had the right to be in any place that was public’. She then asked where is Professor Melvin and that she was ready for the job he promised. The dean, my supervisor, and I just looked at her, stunned. Her confidence started to slowly fade from the woman’s face as she was wondering what was going on. Suddenly, a little beeping sound broke the silence. It was coming from the gallery. The little lights on the front of the miniature fire station started to blink.
2023.05.29 17:24 LrnFaroeseWthBergur2023 has (so far!) broken the trend of increasing crypto-related crime
2021 and 2022 were record-setting years for crypto-related crime
In January 2022, we heard that 2021 had a record-setting amount of crypto-related crime with an estimated 14 billion dollars. This number was later revised to 18 billion dollars. The report for 2022 came in January 2023. The reported number was again record-setting: 20.1 billion dollars. This number has since been revised to 23.8 billion dollars. The news about 2022 setting this record was contra what could have been expected (bear markets traditionally see a decrease in crypto-related crime). Source: Crypto Crime Report 2023 by Chainalysis, page 5 Two interesting trends appeared in 2022 compared to 2021:
Crypto scams revenue went down almost 50%
Crypto-related crime related to sanctions were included in the report
It is notable that political sanctions have become a big topic in the world these past two years. This will of course be seen positively by some and negatively by others. Does crypto have borders? The sources for these data are the annual reports by Chainalysis and the Internet Crime Report by FBI.
2023 is not breaking crime-related records - so far
2023 has seen three positive trends:
An increase in the number of self-custody wallets (which has resulted in a net outflow of crypto from centralized exchanges)
An increase in the number of long-term holders of BTC in spite of whales taking profits
An increased focus on how to stay safe from phishing attacks
As we all know, crypto is volatile and unpredictable. However, 2023 has so far shown out to be a decent year for crypto. Hopefully it will stay that way.
2023.05.29 17:20 EastatlantalitBeat my Binge by force !! Thank you to u/breadmachine66 i bought the timed K safe
Bought it from Amazon it was like 80 bucks for the large size tub . It’s not as big as i hoped but i bagged all my snacks up in zip locks and made it work set the lock for two days making sure my normal Sunday binge day was covered. Honestly i had a Binge attack Sunday but i had no snacks or food to binge on so it eventually subsided i ate an apple and coconut yogurt . All i can say is go buy one it forces you to no eat because ur stuff is locked u can’t break the timer . It was difficult to initially force myself to lock them up but so glad i did now my first Monday not feeling like i ate a whole sugar cane
I’m pretty sure it has been discussed in the past and I wasn’t sure if AI topics were allowed but saw nothing in the rules, so sorry to the mods if this breaks any rules. Since I can’t get enough of the boys and Trash Taste, I decided to ask ChtaGPT to write me a few episodes. It’s scary how it knows how each one of the boys may respond. Either that or I’m characterizing them in my head. I’m sure they tried it out a few months ago on an actual episode and decided to try it out myself. Interested if anyone tried it out as well and what was the funniest one you got. Here’s my favorite: Title: "The Great Ramen Quest" INT. TRASH TASTE STUDIO - DAY The set is bustling with energy as the hosts—GIGGUK, THE ANIME MAN, and CDawgVA—sit comfortably in their respective seats. GIGGUK Alright, boys, welcome back to another episode of Trash Taste! Today, we're embarking on the ultimate quest—finding the best ramen in Japan! THE ANIME MAN You know we're all about that weeb life, and what's more weeb than ramen? CDAWGVA Absolutely! But here's the catch—we can only choose one region in Japan. Which one will it be? GIGGUK I'm thinking Tokyo. It's the heart of the anime culture, so it's gotta have some top-tier ramen joints. THE ANIME MAN But what about Hokkaido? The snowy landscape and fresh ingredients make for some amazing bowls of ramen. CDAWGVA Guys, guys! How about Osaka? The vibrant city, lively atmosphere, and bold flavors. It's gotta be Osaka! GIGGUK Alright, let's settle this with a taste test. We'll each try a bowl of ramen from our chosen region and then decide. INT. TOKYO RAMEN SHOP - DAY GIGGUK sits at a small ramen counter, eagerly waiting for his bowl to arrive. The chef places a steaming bowl of ramen in front of him. GIGGUK (mouthwatering) Oh man, the aroma is already getting to me. Here goes nothing! GIGGUK takes a sip of the broth, his eyes widening with delight. GIGGUK (enthused) This broth is next level! The noodles are perfectly chewy, and the chashu just melts in your mouth. Tokyo, you've got some serious ramen game! INT. HOKKAIDO RAMEN SHOP - DAY THE ANIME MAN is seated at a cozy booth, eagerly awaiting his bowl of ramen. The server places a beautiful bowl in front of him. THE ANIME MAN (excited) Look at those ingredients! Fresh seafood and rich miso broth. Itadakimasu! THE ANIME MAN takes a bite, his face lighting up with satisfaction. THE ANIME MAN (enjoying) Oh wow, this is a flavor explosion! The miso adds a depth of umami, and the seafood is so fresh. Hokkaido, you've got something special here! INT. OSAKA RAMEN SHOP - DAY CDAWGVA sits at a lively ramen stall, eagerly anticipating his bowl of ramen. The vendor places a colorful bowl in front of him. CDAWGVA (impatient) I've been dreaming about this moment! Let's dig in! CDAWGVA takes a slurp, his eyes widening with surprise. CDAWGVA (amazed) Holy smokes! The flavors in this bowl are insane! The broth is packed with richness, and the toppings add a burst of deliciousness. Osaka, you've definitely won my heart with your ramen! INT. TRASH TASTE STUDIO - DAY The hosts reconvene in the studio, each with a satisfied smile on their faces. GIGGUK Well, boys, it looks like we've had an epic ramen adventure. Tokyo, Hokkaido, and Osaka all have their unique charms when it comes to ramen. THE ANIME MAN Absolutely! Each region has its own distinct flavors and styles, making it impossible to choose just one winner. CDAWGVA That's the beauty of ramen—no
2023.05.29 17:17 ilikemoose42H: Trades W: Unyielding, AP, weapon weight, heavy leather left arm, plus a few other things
I am looking for a unyielding, AP, heavy leather left arm, with weapon weight, or maybe cavalier or sentinel. A unyielding, intelligence, sentinel, wood left arm. A Vampire, power attack, strength, chainsaw. An AA, bash, 90% reduced weight, Minigun. Chameleon, weapon weight reduction, excavator power armor, with a good second star, I don't need a left leg, or chest, and am mostly after a left arm. Maybe a unyielding, +1 strength, weapon weight reduction, marine chest. I will pay caps for weightless trapper, or forest scout armor, with slowly removes rads. For trapper I need a RA and forest scout armor I need a CP, LA, LL. If you have more then one piece I may offer more then caps Now what I have for trade. Rare outfits tattered field jacket blue ridge caravan outfit and and gas mask both scout masks white powder jumpsuit responder fireman helmet winter man mask crazy guy mask deathclaw mask brahmin mask demon mask hag mask buffoon mask raven mask weapons Some enclave plasma rifles ready for rolling, and some mod boxes too. ranged aristocrats, explosive, less vats cost, double barrel shotgun aristocrats, explosive, less vats cost, handmade anti armor, explosive, V.A.T.S. critical meter fills 15% faster, radium rifle anti armor, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, pepper shaker berserkers, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, fixer bloodied, explosive, breaks 50% slower, fixer bloodied, faster fire rate, 90 reduced weight, minigun bloodied faster fire rate 90 reduced weight gatling laser bloodied, explosive, faster reload, submachine gun bloodied, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, gatling plasma bloodied, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, lever 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unyielding, radiation resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, marine left arm unyielding, radiation resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, sturdy left leg unyielding, 1 luck, sentinel, heavy raider chest unyielding, 1 intelligence, cavalier, marine right leg unyielding, AP, harder to detect while sneaking, sturdy robot right leg unyielding, 25% cryo resistance, AWR, marine left leg unyielding, radiation resistance, AWR, forest scout left leg unyielding, poison resistance, weapon weight reduction, heavy raider right arm unyielding, poison resistance, cavalier, forest scout left arm unyielding, poison resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, trapper left arm unyielding, receive 7% less explosion damage, sentinel, heavy robot left arm unyielding, receive 7% less explosion damage, FDC weight reduction, heavy raider left arm unyielding, radiation resistance, cavalier, heavy combat right leg unyielding, radiation resistance, cavalier, wood right leg unyielding, Fire resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, wood left leg vanguard, radiation resistance, weapon weight reduction, heavy combat armor chest vanguard, radiation resistance, weapon weight reduction, heavy robot chest vanguard, ap, harder to detect while sneaking, forest scout right arm vanguard, 1 strength, sentinel, heavy combat armor left arm power armor assassins, AP cavalier, excavator torso assassins, radiation resistance, sentinel, excavator right leg assassins, poison resistance, AWR, excavator right leg Auto stim, AP, sentinel, excavator torso Auto stim, AP, sentinel, excavator right leg Auto stim, AP, FDC weight, excavator torso Auto stim, AP, FDC weight reduction, excavator torso Overeaters, receive 7% less explosion damage, weapon weight reduction, t45 right arm Overeaters, Fire resistance, weapon weight reduction, excavator right leg Overeaters, radiation resistance, weapon weight reduction, excavator torso Overeaters, 25% disease resistance, weapon weight reduction, excavator right leg Overeaters, + 1 endurance, FDC weight reduction, excavator left leg Overeaters, 25% disease resistance, AWR, excavator left leg Overeaters, 25% disease resistance, AWR, excavator left leg Overeaters, Fire resistance, sentinel, excavator right arm Overeaters, + 1 strength, sentinel, excavator left arm Overeaters, poison resistance, sentinel, excavator torso Overeaters, poison resistance, cavalier, excavator torso Overeaters, + 1 strength, AWR, T60 right leg Overeaters, + 1 intelligence, weapon weight reduction, ultracite right leg troubleshooter's , 1 strength, AWR, excavator right leg vanguard's, AP, weapon weight reduction, excavator right leg plans I have most rare plans such as. I believe I have all the rare Ultracite power armor plans dense trapper torso plan dense marine torso plan T60 full set of plans And much more. If there is a plan you are after feel free to ask if I have one.
2023.05.29 17:17 DemonKingBalorRecent video on Beetlejuice
Does anyone know why Oompaville set his recent Video on Beetlejuice on private? I'm just curious cause I was halfway through it on my break and came back to finish it, but it was set to private when I came back.
2023.05.29 17:15 ThegreatdigitalismExtreme buyers remorse after 2 years, feeling stuck with my house
Hi! My wife and I bought a fixer upper in 2021 and at that time had a great deal of energy to renovate it. It's a house from the 1930's. After about half a year, we found out that there was a great deal of unbound asbestos in the house. We had some professionals remove it. This was the moment a lot of anxiety set in for me; suddenly I was wary of the dust in the house, the possibilities of asbestos, but also lead. I don't dare to open up more parts of the house, because I worry I find more asbestos or other problems. On top of that, I have a strong feeling of renovation fatigue. It freezes me up and there's still a lot more to do (new kitchen and bathroom). I want to spend more time with friends, family and hobby's instead of renovating. I took a break for a few months to regain some energy and motivation, but after starting renovating again recently, I've come to the conclusion I don't want to continue with this house. The problem is that selling it means take a huge financial loss, because in my area the housing market has declined, so all the money we've invested will evaporate. I'm also getting a child, which is beautiful, but I feel so unready for being a father with this house and it feels potentially unsafe. On top of that my wife quit working for other reasons, so we've got a single income; I can't hire anyone to do stuff in the house. I so strongly wish I would have never bought this house, the buyers remorse makes me beat myself up and I don't have the mental fortitude to continue with this house. I'm pretty close to selling the place, taking my loss of many tens of thousands Euro's and rent a smaller house, but I'm here for a sanity check. What do you think if you hear me ramble?
2023.05.29 17:15 Dewgong444The Khornumverate (3 Khorne LoW Demon Engines) returns from BAO with their Primarch
As we near the end of 9th edition, which will certainly go down as one of the editions of all time, I figured it'd be best to go out with a bang. To roll out the big guns. To really bring the biggest (and therefore best) models I have to the table. So I made a Word Bearers list with all 3 Khorne LoW Demon Engines, and showed it to my team. One of whom asked me if Angron would fit if it were World Eaters. I was obliged to answer yes, as there is technically a legal list there. So I made it. I told my teammate it might be the most ridiculous list I ever made. The team then strong-armed (slightly suggested) me into taking it to BAO. So let's actually see what we got going on here. World Eaters Arks of Omen Detachment:
1 Master of Execution (-1 to be wounded relic)
2 x 1 spawn
5 berzerkers w/ icon and eviscerators
Lord of Skulls (Skullhurler, Gorestorm Cannon)
Greater Brass Scorpion
Best Boi Primarch Angron
That there ladies and gentlemen, is 1 giant amount of 2k points. 4 LoWs, 84W at T8 5++, generating 16 total BTP possible. It is .... legally a list. So that's what we took to BAO. This amalgam of trying to get the least amount of drops possible I suppose. But we're not here to critique lists, we're here to talk about how BAO went. Once again my memory is a mess after a major and I forgot to take pictures to remind myself of how the games went so I apologize in advance for any mistakes and the TL;DR format. Regarding deployment/reserves, every game had everyone on the board except the berzerkers which went into strategic reserves. Round 1: Mission - 12 Tear Down Their Icons Opponent: Dark Eldar w/10-man Court, Djin Blade Archon, Drazhar, 6 MSU kabalites kitted, 13 incubi in 3 units, 5 mandrakes, 2x3 Reavers, 3 raiders, 3 venoms, 2x5 wracks, Precision Blows Succubus TL;DR: I went first and did some nice plink shooting, while return fire left Angron on 3. We popped some transports on 2, and in return Angron went down while the LoS got dropped to 1. Berzerkers take Drazhar out, most incubi go down to shooting, and the LoS is able to take out the succubus. Some back and forth trading ends with me edging my opponent out on primary, with both of us on fumes at the end. Result: 81-55 Win for the WE Round 2: Mission - 22 Conversion Opponent: World Eaters w/ Invocatus WL, 2x Demon Princes, 10 jackals, 3x5 zerkers w/ Icon + Evi, 3x5 Eightbound, 2x3 Exalted Eightbound, 1x3 + 2x1 spawn, Rhino TL;DR: I went first but most of my opponent stuff was in reserve or behind a wall, so I was able to pop a rhino and set myself up with the scorpion and LoS protecting Angron while the Kytan runs around my right. He does HI into the scorpion with 5 eightbound and loses 3 to do about half to it. The scorpion will barely hold out next turn when a demon prince joins the party. My LoS helps to hold down the middle while Angron waits to get involved and the Kytan holds run down my right to contest a mid objective. His reserves come in and do work, ripping my off my home and left objective. I will never regain my home objective, but Angron will hold down that left objective against 5 eightbound and 3 exalted eightbound. The LoS will hold down the center while the berzerkers and kytan will eventually make it to his backfield. An unfortunately low score on Bring It Down and Banners will bring my opponent down just below my own score. Result: 85 -77 Win for the Primarch Round 3: Mission - 23 Scouring Opponent: Iron Hands (base) w/ Feirros, Primaris Libby, 3x10 Heavy Intercessors w/ Executors, 5 infiltrators, Character Contemptor w/volkite, Primaris Apothecary, 4 servitors, 6 TH/SS Termies, 6+5 Eradicators w/ Heavy Melta TL;DR: Turns out a lot of D2 with rerolls hurts. Like a lot. I was just far enough back to not get eradicator'd T1, and some unfortunately aggressive infiltrators provide Angron and his 'No Fall Backsies' a route into 5 eradicators. Angron will be there, killing gravis marines, for THREE ROUNDS as more meat gets sent into the grinder with a 5++, 5+++. Meanwhile my scorpion gets blanked on T2 and my Kytan also falls that turn. A failed berzerker charge into the other eradicators puts me on the back foot, but my salvation arrives when his terminators fail their 4" counter-charge the next turn. The LoS get dropped low, but is able to stick around just long enough to be a massive annoyance. My berzerkers will help tip primary by living the rest of the game on my opponent's right objective. And once again winning primary tips the score in my favor. Result: 96-68 victory for Angery Ron Round 4: Mission - 31 Tide of Conviction Opponent: Word Bearers w/ Ghollax Prince, Master of Possession, Dark Apostle, 2x8 Accursed Cultists, 1x10 melee cultists, Master of Executions, 2x10 Plague Marines w/ everything, 10 Possessed w/ Black Rune, 5 Possessed, 2x1 Venomcrawler, 2 Worthy Offering Brigands TL;DR: My opponent went first and was able to position well, but only got 5 damage on the LoS with the brigands as they rolled 3 1s on the melta guns round 1. This will be a game-long theme, as none of my LoWs will take melta wounds at any point (except 2 bubonic axes on the scorpion in 4). I get forward to set up early, but the kytan gets ripped apart by 7 possessed with full wound rerolls. Angron and the scorpion will get into them, taking them down to 3 but also removing some accursed cultists while the LoS does its best to drive down the middle. Some berzerkers hold down my right long enough to fend off my opponent. He's able to get his reserved accursed cultists back into my home objective on 4 while the Scorpion eventually fell to plague marines and a Master of Execution doing 12 damage to it and I legitimately though I'd lost the game (sorry my opponent). However, a resurrected Angron made his charge and was able to swap it back to me. Angron was able to hold down my territory on 4 and 5 while the Lord of Skulls and lone spawn take 2 different objectives from my opponent, resulting in a primary score different of 18-4 in Round 5, a 14-point swing entirely dependent on who went 2nd (which is why I do not like this mission). That swing helps propel Angron to a win. Result: 76-61 victory for best Traitors (INTERMISSION) I'm in third place after 4 rounds which is quite fun. If you'd like to get off Angron's Wild Ride now and sleep contentedly in my definitely-3rd-place-finish, no one will begrudge you. Live in that dream world. Round 5: Mission - 32 Death and Zeal Opponent: Whirlwind Space Wolves w/ Guilliman, Primaris Chappy, 3x10 Wulfen, 2x1 Cyberwolves, 16 total skyclaws w/ the fixings, 10 Desolators I bitched too much about sorry Round 5 opponent TL;DR: Wulfen hurt real bad and GW's baffling design space where anti-LoS AND double shooting should be nerfed to hell except for 1 datasheet which does both well lead to my demise. In all seriousness, I did get a little overly frisky with the wulfen who promptly ripped Angron limb from limb, and I did get out-maneuvered early on which led to me taking increasingly larger and larger risks as the game got progressively further away from me and my opponent played his role extremely well. Angron and the Kytan went down in 1, Scorpion in 2, LoS in 4, and my opponent lost everything but 9 wulfen and a cyberwolf, but all I had was Angron and 1 berzerker. He was able to just stretch me out and out-primary me by a lot (45-11) leading to my first loss. Result: 53 - 84 loss to worst Primarch who avenges Nuceria Round 6: Mission - 33 Secure Missing Artifacts Opponent: Tau Sept w/ Longstrike, Coldstar, Ethereal, 10 breachers, 10 karnivores, 10 man Strike team, 2x4 Kroot Hounds, Kroot Shaper, Ghostkeel, Riptide, 10man Pathfinder, Piranha, 5 vespid, Sun Shark Bomber, Devilfish, Tidewall Gunrig TL;DR: The Longstrike goes 'LMAO'. I did get first which was nice, but there was nothing to do other than position well. My opponent was great, played pretty much perfectly (except 1 tiny mistake which didn't end up mattering), and spiked some insane rolls on Longstrike which at that point were more humorous than annoying as the game was well out of hand by then. I'd been dodging the matchup all event, and it was time that fate finally caught up with me. If people want me to give more details on how this went turn-by-turn I can, but I think we all know how this'll turn out. Result: 45 - 97 predictable (yet fun) result That's it, I've once again 4-2 in a major for the 4th time IN A ROW (2022 LVO, BAO, SoCal, 2023 BAO), which is nice to get 4 wins but annoying I seemingly can't break through the meta ceiling. I did end up in 18th which is nice (and I was in 3rd at the end of Round 4), but I won't lie, a small part of me really wanted to go 5-1 to mess with Goonhammer's heads when they do their meta review.
2023.05.29 17:13 No_Entertainment1918Long distance . Looking for more time with my Sub.
You am looking for more Time with my Sub. We live about 2 hours away from each other . Been working with her to come to me with plans on when she wants to meet me . She has explained this is new to her to make plans. For the last 8 years she has had what she calls “Pocket people “ me. Who she fucks when she feels like . I want people who want to be with So I make an effort to allow her to show me where here I test lays . She sees some one local pretty regularly that she is not forthcoming about . In January she no showed on a weekend date we planed . She went dark for 72 hours. No explanation. (She completely lost her voice for lime 2weeks after . My normal plan is drop someone when they flake like that . I set a day to meet her to “ Talk” 4 weeks later …. When that day came she said she couldn’t come and paid for a hotel for us to meet the following week . We meet then. I explained to her that I we are going to “ Side guy schedule “ Where we connect and communicate from Monday 2pm. Until Thursday 2Pm . That way she can do her thing without my disturbing whatever she has going on . We had a weekend together after that single night overnight. We me once for lunch a few weeks ago to discuss what our desires are and how we want to show up in the dynamic. And agreed to start a D/s relationship. Last week was the first of her having tasks . 1.notifying me she made it home safely from work on work nights. 2.Morning greeting Tue-Friday . (Her work week ) 3.Daily plug training 15 min a day.
Discuss with me 2X a week her plans to meet me 1+ times a month .0n Monday by 2pm ( She starts her wood week at 2pm Monday). Thursday 11Am( Thursday 11 is my lunch break and can talk Before I release here for the weekend.)
So I meet her for lunch tomorrow.. and we have a weekend trip set for 2 weeks from now .. I am concerned that if we are i Not seeing each every 6 weeks only after I nail her down to a date. I have done well to stay out of her business and have been patient with her struggles to make shifts. I sit here today knowing we could have met this weekend . Knowing she spends the weekend with “ him”. So I feel I want to confront her . But I know that’s just about my ego . I also know we are both want to get into building a dynamic together. But feel reluctant at times . She is a cum slut. When with me . But the truth is that the majority of her slut behavior is with someone else . So I am clearly in my feelings yet. Sw a lot of potential . Today she is supposed to talk with me at 2 about planning. Looking for some guidance as we are new to this and. How to manage my desire to connect like 2X a month and ti have her cooperation with that . Thanks for feedback .
2023.05.29 17:09 Imaginary-Zebra-3589Complete English translation of the Aniara sequel book by Harry Martinson called Doriderna
Hi everyone! This is a complete English translation of the Aniara sequel book by Harry Martinson called Doriderna that was put together after the author died. This translation was put together using various translation programs that can be found online, so I can't guarantee that it is a perfect translation, but it's better than nothing. I will also post the original in Swedish so you can improve the translation or look up words etc. if you want. Hope you enjoy! I would also like to let everyone know that I am also working on my own Aniara fan fiction short story that I call "The Lost Voices of Aniara". This story tells about the events aboard the Aniara from the view point of another passenger and attempts to add more details to the story. It should be ready in the next week or two. HARRY MARTINSON The Dorides (Doriderna) Remaining poems and prose pieces in selection and with preface by Tord Hall Albert Bonniers Förlag PREFACE For reasons I will not go into here, Harry Martinson did not publish any new work in the last years of his life. There is therefore a very large literary legacy, the publication of which began in the fall of 1978 with "Längs ekots stigar" (Along the paths of the echo), published by Georg Svensson. This collection contains only a few purely scientific poems - the emphasis is on nature poetry. The selection was made from unpublished material - which had nevertheless reached the proof stage - in three previous collections. It remains to address other lines of thought in Harry Martinson's work: the ideas in Aniara, which in various forms occupied his imagination until the end. To follow the continuation of this great theme - at least in part - is what I am trying to do in this second selection from the surviving archive. The 103 songs in Aniara were part of a larger set of poems, and the author then worked for several years on a sequel, to be called 'The Dorids', the people of the tribe of Doris. Around 1959 there were about 80 songs - most of them in more or less completed drafts. The dominant figure in the Dorids would not be Isagel or the Mimarobe, but Nobia, the Samaritan from the tundra planet and deportation site of Mars. Nobia would be a norna (fate goddess), though not a cruel goddess of fate, but a norna who weaves goodness into the fabric of the world. But the whole project remained a large-scale endeavor. The reasons were many: illness, world events, which seemed to be moving towards a fulfillment of the prophecies in Aniara, and which gave him an increasingly dark view of life: he told me that "Aniara has become a neurosis" ... I feel like Mima being blown apart'. But the decisive reason was surely his demand for absolute freedom in his creativity. He did not want to be confined, and the result was, as he himself said, 'I have stepped out of Aniara'. The fact that Harry Martinson stepped out of Aniara, and thus also out of the Dorides, does not at all mean that he left the motifs or ideas found there, which cover the scientific field from atoms to stars. Rather, it means that he was able to write without direct connection to the characters of Aniara and the Dorides in particular. I have therefore considered it justified to call this entire collection the Dorides, even though the prose pieces and several poems do not have a clearly visible connection with such a title. In order to comment briefly on the selection, I would like to say a few words about Harry Martinson's attitude towards modern science (it is my intention to return to this subject in more detail). There are two main lines. One is deterministic, and has its roots in classical physics, founded by Newton, which dominated until the end of the 19th century. It has a philosophical form in the law of causation, which means that if you know enough facts about a certain course of events in the present and in the past, you can precisely specify the course of events in the future. Examples of such events in the 'big world' - the macrocosm - are solar and lunar eclipses. But in the world of atoms - the microcosm - this determinism does not apply. Heisenberg demonstrated this through his uncertainty relation, also known as the indeterminacy principle. In the atoms, individual events are indeterminate, we cannot discern any causality - there is randomness. But chance can be mastered by the methods of statistics, and we must content ourselves with a "statistical causality", which describes the course of events in the atom with the highest possible degree of probability. It is this second, indeterministic line that has long been followed by most physicists. But there is one major exception, and that is Einstein. At the 1927 meeting of physicists in Brussels, for example, he asked Bohr, Heisenberg and others with mild irony whether they really believed that God plays dice - "ob der liebe Gott würfelt". Einstein was convinced that the universe follows an ordering principle, a geometric structure, which can be called a world soul. This is a pantheistic view that is reminiscent of Spinoza. Similar ideas are already present in Aniara, but in this selection the picture has become more sharply defined. Harry Martinson does not believe that chance plays a decisive role in the course of the world, as is clear from several poems and prose pieces. He believes more in Einstein than in dozens of other Nobel Prize winners. Apart from these authorities, he follows his intuition. His approach to religion has often been quoted: he chooses the Riddler over the God. This belief is reflected in 'The Riddle'. In 'Poems on Light and Darkness', published in 1971, Harry Martinson, with 'The Inner Light' and 'The Bird in the Phoenix Bell', presents the events inside the atom itself. These poems show that - although 'Aniara' and 'The Dorides' are more about stars than atoms - he never lost his interest in the microcosm. In this selection, it is the atoms that are more interesting than the stars. The bard enters the atom. He describes the course of events in a world which is completely beyond our senses and which, despite the enormous aids of science, we will probably never be able to understand exactly. The story itself probably comes from Gamow's book "Mr. Tompkins Explores the Atom". Published in Swedish translation in 1946, it is, along with "Mr. Tompkins in Wonderland" (also 1946), the versatile Gamow's best popular science books. Harry Martinson rated them highly. The two poems 'Submerged as in a dream but still awake' and 'Actually, the comprehensibility was slight' depict a journey of thought into the atom, and the same motif recurs in several other places. The poem "A Cosmic Thickness Lying Boundlessly Spread" poetically depicts a world development related to the hypothesis of the "stationary universe" put forward by Hoyle and others, and to Klein-Alfvén's "symmetrical cosmology". For several reasons - mainly aesthetic - Harry Martinson did not like the theory of 'the big bang', which was celebrated by most scientists. His poem should have been written quite a long time ago, and perhaps he would have changed his mind if he had been given the opportunity to understand what the "cosmic background radiation" - with a temperature of about 3 degrees above absolute zero - means for the credibility of "The big bang". It took natural scientists some time to become convinced that this radiation can best be interpreted as a fading glow after an unimaginable cosmic explosion some 18 billion years ago. This selection also contains several pieces of prose, which in general do not need any comment. But I would like to mention a few. For "The Figuration Patterns of the Goddancer's Juggling Program", in three sections, there is a drawing by Harry Martinson, reproduced on the cover of this collection. The spread comes from Hindu philosophy: we see 'Siwa's juggling dance before Brama'. The dominant curves are so-called lemniscates, which were already known to the ancient Greeks. The lemniscate looks like an eight and is the mathematical symbol for infinity. It is defined as the trajectory of a point under the condition that the product of its distances to two given points is constant. In the center of the drawing there are several small curves. They are ellipses, and an ellipse - also first studied by the Greeks - is defined as the trajectory of a point under the condition that the sum of its distances to two given points is constant. The result is a geometric pattern, similar to a flower, which at the same time provides a poetic image of the complex interplay of forces in the atom with outward and inward energy impulses The juggler finds it increasingly difficult to work with his ball-particles as he progresses through the periodic table of the elements. In the end, he "dances the spectral theme in the dance of the Phoenix" - a symbol of the indestructibility of both energy and poetry, and a recurring motif in Martinson's poetry. "Delsaga om tidens ariadnetråd" (Part of the saga of the Ariadne thread of time) is almost a fantasy about four-dimensional space, where you have to be careful not to get on the wrong track. The selection of prose pieces ends with "Some fairies dancing in the summer night near a quiet lake". It is a cheerful tale where the author combines a love of the Swedish summer with a love of light. I made this selection at the direct request of Harry. He even said several times that I should have all his scientific poems and prose pieces. But I think I judged this offer correctly when I saw it as an expression of his great generosity towards his friends. I always replied that he himself should complete and select what was to be published. But in his last years he did not want to publish anything. I therefore promised to make a selection if he did not change his mind. He did not, and this collection is the result. Finally, I would like to thank Ingrid Martinson and Georg Svensson for the understanding and assistance they have given me in bringing this selection to fruition. Tord Hall The Dorides (Doriderna) The book you hold was written in Mima's hall. Now, on a secret wavelength, it is sent home to you, my friend, who for some years inhabits a spherical beach called the Valley of Doris. In other words, it was written so close to your own being that nothing could be closer to you than those described here. You are one of them. Over the graves, the indifferent wind spreads the whisper of the immortal gods that no loss is foreseen in the grand scheme of things. But what do the gods - those wasteful billionaires of the heavens - know about the beautiful and wonderful Doris? how she was worth saving forever and that whoever loved her can never be comforted by the gods' continued waste. About her a bird sings now alone in the tree of the grave. Of her as she was, the glorious one, if no other, the Dorides' thrush sings. The window was full of stars, The Leonids' swarm of stars came, then you know the time. Autumn was gone, its yellowing burnt. The lookout tower, closed on the wooded mountains. I stood as a child of a time that saw the stars detach from the roofs towards a room where novas frightened a more distant valley, I found other myths than those I was used to picking hurled at me from the space of the Leonids. I stood in the cathedral of fear of dreams. The great copper woman who lay there with her back soldered to the lid of the sarcophagus drove horror into me, cast my foot with lead. That the copper woman knew who I was, I immediately sensed as a deadly weight, and that I had been summoned here by herself, by the queen of copper, of that I was certain. In empty benches sat forgotten years, from the emptiness of the auditorium the organ pipes shone like stalactites in the vault of a cave and there was nothing, no light, no hint that gathered my crumbling courage. For everything was fulfilled as it was written in stone once when the water abandoned the green and it was said that man will go away and become the dead slave of the dead dust. And as I stood there gripped, filled with horror for this judgment and epitaph which was predetermined and rehearsed in the mute trumpet of the seraphim of the stones, bells fell suddenly from the towers to the earth that rocked with an ore-broken thunder, and the copper woman rose, a scream of remembrance drawn from afar to her lips as she drew me in close to her copper body in terrified death. He woke up. There was light. It was day. And the Samaritan Nobia sat silent, but still heard the echo of the screams his dreams had squeezed out of his fear. She searched for words simple enough for a stranger to grasp, but not so simple as to drive away his trust, hardly won yet. In simple action she finally found them. And she stood up and smiled with milk From the moors of Gondrin to the mouth of this fugitive. It is no exaggeration to say that space gave us long winter evenings rolled into one - the one that lasts. Our leisure time finally became a grim question with ice in our eyes and a frozen flame. It became necessary to tell stories from reality - as it can be taken. I chose to tell about King Basii, who, supported by Chefone, forcibly turned himself into a god and magician in a celestial drama. The Goldonder King felt like God and determined to live up to the gods he built himself a city in the sky. It was a global world city of goldonders assembled into a kind of hive heaven. But Basil's space-city, though it contained twelve million men in his service, was not enough for him; he had another built, and the greatest city in the world was soon in space. That city was a marvel to behold: a mighty golden dome, surrounded by three bionomically serving drabants, one of which was called the Vegetable City, one the Fish Drabant, and the third the Sting. The names reveal their role and purpose. So Basii sits in his heavenly land. The aquarium dragon orbits faithfully and Stings follows it with fattened animals and the vegetable moon amounts to the redwood. The golden dome was the city of retreat for all climbers and celestial rebels, for gamma was a poison to all alike and all poor and rich alike had to choose between death and escape. So many preferred the city of Basil. But although he rules over twelve million inhabitants of the great city of space, he is still very rarely happy. And although the dragons in a faithful circle raise animals and grow fish and wheat Basil's only pleasure is when he gets with Vulvis, the royal slave, to bathe in Lethe. But all the deliciously good virginity that can be enjoyed in Basil's harem is in its nakedness a skin of fear. of frightened dissimulation. And his love story ...is but a tale to be seen from the outside.., and all his lust a forced voluptuousness. Thus in The Night of Aniara I draw a little picture that everyone can understand from the rich treasure of reality. And every time I make an arabesque in the hall of Mima about this space grotesque that Basil's space city can probably be said to be, I can for an hour or so make people sigh: the best is here anyway. From Basil's false heaven we preserve. No, I'd rather travel with Aniara. But soon the alarm goes off. The bells proclaim that the images of the fairy tale are overtaken by visions here that distress ignites. And quickly to the halls I return. The Goldonder's garden bubbled with glamour. A party was being held there and Chefone was there. He showed us a picture of the smith of happiness: the goldonder king Basii, a portrait jubilantly taken on the day the fifteen thousandth goldonder lay in the field ready for the wave of endlessness. Then we were each seized by thoughtfulness and went to our own in solitude. For in every ship of this number there was a Mima locked up in its cage. The Rapid criminal was much loved and could operate as he pleased under the protection of the admiration he aroused. He always appeared at great speeds and abducted women whom he brought to Chefone in light blue rapid rockets. Of course it was criminal, the people of the valley thought, but the charm was so close to the deed that the rampart was breached by sheer admiration and open worship soon followed the advice of restraint at the murder pedal. Tucked away in a corner of our gondola, I pretend to smile at some rough fellows who spend their evenings with mockery and violence, with a devilish flutter as their sole aim. They look at me and find me mortified, - The clear approval is what they expect... and I'm close to being squeezed badly every time they jokingly glance at my grave door. The brute is approaching, his dull face with many a foolish whim weighing on his mind. And many a scowl missed by pigs from the worst corners of the soul he throws at me. And when, full of fear, I strike with depleted strength in the dull face, the troll is only amused by my blow and raises his eyebrow with interest. Then I flee between the troll's legs and out the other side of the danger of death. How this happened can only be fully explained by the light of the gopher and the fourth tensor theory. Here came the sober, composed and sober man who always kept his soul in trim and stuck to the dry, honest maxims of life. Now he went into the fire with his imagination. His cool reason was completely burned His sober composure was fried in seconds when the photo turbo in Xinombra exaggerated the cold matter. And yet I can't help but admire the man as he made his way to the office where he had been employed for many years and where, despite offers to flee to the tundra, he provided punch cards for thousands who broke up every day. There died a man who never raised his voice, who always remained true to his calm tone, the martyr of calm composure who was burned when the cruel fires of excess were lit. One is often chilled to the rock crystal by everything one hears before the ear falls like gray-white ash into the cremation hall. And the girl from Rind who sees nothing is often heard to ask beyond the eye: how is the world of such torment visible? What is to be seen in this madness, where eeriness against eeriness is heard to answer? Cultivating insight seemed futile and many fell away from the faithful crowd. and its program which was to see through so that with the transparency of evil as lens and instrument try to find new signs and new ways for the land of Gond. Most people grew tired and withdrew from the room of the Truth Service, and Nobia sat for long periods almost alone, trying to hold on to her looms, always tormented by the blood moisture of evil memories, the echoes of horror surrounded her days and made the Mara a bedfellow who tore the fabric of the noman and raped Nobia's dream and the mood of life over the moors of Gondria. It is as important to us to have friends in the houses of distant worlds as at home by the familiar road of the green earth. You are reflected in endless eyes, watched by immense spectators. They never interfere, but they watch the sewing and the mining, the nurse and doctor on the rounds and the weapons in the shamelessly cruel wars. Your own position under their eyes may be likened to the position you take with one whom you do not wish to grieve, but to share joy and to please. So spoke the old astronomer, and then laid his head down to rest. And he went smiling to the eternity that had been waiting by his side all his life. His forehead shone with its ideas, even in the dead of death in the years of space. He was among those who know the fairies of everything, those who get to comb Berenice's hair. But for the longest time I still want to believe that this is the torment of an evil dream and the ship Aniara a phantom from which I will wake up in the Valley of Doris. Perhaps everything is a nightmare and I want to wait with poison and a knife. They say there are dreams of a kind that seem as long as a man's life. Out of the dust you were born, from its gifts you were supported. You did not manage the gift, many a meadow you made desolate. What is beyond this sea is called Going down deep among riddles too great to be found in a grave. Faith can never cover more than what you see in spirit. All the other things are too much to bear. Do you hear the sound of the rescue team calling from an emergency station that is one of a thousand others, regardless of faith? Now guess where the road leads and what Paradise is. One of a thousand rescue stations scattered along the coast here. Now I want to sing to my ear and ask it to listen to a voice that descends not to destroy the language I have collected for comfort. For the comfort of life and death, I whisper the price of sensitivity every time the sinful flow of language storms the breeze of the spirit. One night Heba lay awake in the city of Aniara and heard the painter's joyful painting. The skilled varnisher was varnishing the years that would one day end on a stainless steel stretcher. And suddenly from Heba there was a shout against the smooth roof. The skilled varnishers know their business well. Too hard to become joy, too happy to become sorrow. The painters paint everything in Aniara's castle. We know that we have been left out of the higher insight of the ocean of mystery and that we lack the tools to reach the depths of clarity that Mima once gave. But since Mima's death, the average of what we achieve of truth is not very high average is what is required if the choice of new paths is to be avoided. A small number reach the values that should be the average to reach. The others are satisfied with the flow of thought, the rattle with which time is made to pass. A daughter of my mother, called Tovi, was born in the night of space. Alas, dear ones, where can the crowd's demand for sensation and wonder lead us? First came, as it should be, the blissfully sweet and indescribably pure birth, when the mimicry lay naked, uncovered and panting in the golden bed of the formula. To her camp now came the mimicry and winged it the naked one, as when the butterfly flies the honey chalice of its flower, in Dori's meadows. The description is not given (much to my regret) because there is always the possibility of a wave of miracles taking place in secret, to the great disappointment of many who wish to see how the mimagyne makes love, and from what angle the picture of the goddess's love life should be taken in order to really reach the audience. Can it not be enough that Tovi gave birth to an allegorical child whom Isagel happily suckled at her breast and practiced miracles and consolation You may think so yourself, but others think otherwise. For not even a mimagyn can defend the fruit of her womb against the human hyena who demands a clear answer on every point of what precedes it all: the prelude to sowing, with the insides of the thighs well described in a clear image that gives the "public" a feeling that it was in the bed. Yes, it has happened that I have sometimes asked myself (in private silence, of course) whether the smooth ice of superficiality does not have enough joy, and that the great swallows in these spaces are only terrible wakes which, compared to the agile princess and heartlessly threatening with superior power, will in the end become the cold room of beauty. So small a strip bears, the other breaks, and all the incomparably large gapes with the same dark death which, unchanging with cold upon cold, only imitates itself. To raise one's hand then with a light-year pound and demonstrate the fugue of eternity on terrible organs, while the girl in the icy distance dances, hardly greater to see than a fly flown away towards the light, it is to chill with the great weapon as when the superpower with the powers the element hides coldly makes its rows in the land of Gond against unsuspecting cities and, although itself dismissing all talk of sin punishment and trial, nevertheless treats the human with such terrible flame that this terrible torrent of loose gamma released by those who do not mean sin punishment nevertheless cruelly destroys both Yaal and Gena and melts down to ashes the wonder Heba With the same fire they turned on Chebeba. Posterity does not understand you so easily. It judges according to the image of posterity and counts up the time you lived in as rows of negligence, as offenses against the spirit of foresight, the duties of thought. To this it adds the work of suffering and piles up, as blind as a judge as you were blind as a criminal, case by case. Can those who have killed the foundations of joy and destroyed the great city of joy have the right to the joys of life? Does Cain have the right to be happy? Can those who strangled the joys of Xinombra and burned the valley of paradise have the right to heights of heaven other than Aniara's daily agony? I ask but never get an answer. I have to arrange for pastimes for the hordes of Aniara and manage its entertainment. A wave of newly awakened hatred swept through the mountains where Nobia lived in deep mines and ghostly white lights illuminated every thread of life in the fabrics she wove. She had sought and found the thread of life - a discovery of how healing rays are empowered by the inner council of things and fused with the heart of the atom. And while hatred swelled around the mountains and wounds screamed in the valley of time. she wove day and night until the color of victory and the skin of life rose in the hall of death. Of her beauty little can be said. It was lost in a wave of radiation but the clear purity of the soul could be weighed; in healed wounds we saw her reflection. Then I will throw you out of your chair. I will break your armchair view, because it is false and holds a convulsive security in a time that has slipped out of its rooms, but also the other way around: that it becomes a view without deep insight. From this world, I shall send you happiness today to the kingdom of love, to the evil shore where the Samaritan Nobia and others spread works of love from country to country. Figuring out the ways of evil and tracking down all the poison in the city of hate was futile, for hate stood there with heavy blocks united row by row. Within its walls there was life and movement in the birthing centers and squares where human beings were conceived and human beings were born and human life in the human gap was destroyed. It was best to pretend that this city of self-righteous evil existed as nothing more than a devilish childhood that would mature, grow tired of itself. We resolved to keep on sending saints there for the longest time. from the saints' camps as long as the funds lasted and as far as the need still aroused the heart. This plan was tried for nine years, during which the Rind camp of saints bled to death: an act of self-sacrifice based on faith in the powers of good. But the heavy wall of hate stood just as hard, and the fatigue of leadership followed the act of hate; only too great was the throne of victory we had. A single city consumed the power which we had thought sufficient for the transformation of the world. On a rare occasion, the happiness of being free from desire also came. Then the emptiness suddenly became populated by a kind of spiritualized mystery. We walked the spirit's path of happiness along the beach, exchanging thoughts, making fortune cards. It was evening and sunset in the sea. Night fell, but the land of thought stood firm. He woke up. She said: guess where. I can't, he said. How did you get here? The same way you did: up the gravel path and then straight to the left among the cypresses. There was a dewy path the moonlight itself went there with light steps which I tried to imitate. And when everything was past and the path was over I managed to become a clear crystal and find you, my friend, on this path. It is so transparently wonderful here. We no longer exist. All that was is over. Neither god nor devil here reaches us anymore and the end is the cruel parody of life. Where is the plain text? This is what I'm looking for. The one that fits but still gives song. After thanking God that he was a wasp and not something else, he continued between the leafy branches and stung the farmer. Laid out by spiritual mobs, the truth becomes worse than the lie. When the mob washes the barley, it is never clean. The rabble always wash in the dunghill from the Augean stables. Matema's camel bells ring in the deserts of speech where the caravans of unfinished quarrels never reach their oasis, only become more camels. Immersed as in a dream but still awake, I found myself changed and so naked that no dream has words for what it was like when, transformed by the stone, I cut down towards the inner realms and while this was happening I became smaller, smaller and even more stripped of layers and layers of time and space as I sank further and further into the stone, deeper and deeper into things. Who undressed me, wore me down so much that no conceivable smallness so small on this earth can be imagined unless one is long since beyond what every comprehensible thought wants to deny. And yet I was being stripped and reduced still further in no direction. So sunk, unceasingly sunk in towards even more breathtaking reduction I retained in my dream a way of seeing and understand that I was traveling into to the dimensions, the innermost who with their interior work with their interior and whose interiors compose the world. They scare children with darkness, criminals with punishment and sinners with realms beyond death where the vengeful desire to torment has transported its arsenal of tormenting images. But sorrow follows us every day, and joy follows us every day. We ourselves are the sorrow, we are also the joy, everything human is rooted in humanity, and no human being can escape humanity, not her hatred and her self-degradation, nor the joy she spreads, nor the love she forms. There is a third land that is not death and not life, but the reality that pervades all realities, and spins the very thread of the fabric from which dreams are woven. Yes, I had come to the rooms where these threads are spun. When I arrived, I stepped out and saw no longer surprised the smallest fairy, who herself was not at all surprised to welcome me to her inner land. And although we were both unimaginably smaller than two grains of traveling dust on a suit on earth, we thought we were big here in this smallest room to which I have now come and which nevertheless encloses with its vault a separate world of realities formed. On the contrary, I cannot describe what I saw of strange things, but that will follow when the habit of telling stories has been practiced for other habits than what life offers, and other things than those called death. For though beyond all I have known this was not death and though within all I have known this was not life. Actually, the comprehensibility was slight, as when multiples arranged in layers, and layered in the directions of space, make the fabric of the dream omnidirectional structural and become a fabric consisting of paths where the thread is only thought of as a path as a sign that here the shuttle has gone, but where is the thread? The thread is the path. I saw how the gnome was in a quandary as to which of two different possibilities to give clarity. Then came formulas of such an elusive nature that the gnome was again gripped by the anxiety which arises when the explanation is attempted but little response is felt by the pupil. And with a look that shone as if with sorrow, he signaled a break in the dilemma. And with a formula more magical than comprehensible, we left the atom. We expanded to other contexts and sat on a leaf next to a bee eagerly searching for honey in a meadow. The Dance Around the great star of the day we shall orbit the years we have been given to live, and our family for a few thousand centuries, perhaps more, perhaps less, no one knows. But the time that we are orbiting is so small compared to that of the suns where they wander around in orbits in the galaxy our family named the Milky Way, luminous to behold. What can our eyes see, our hearts cry out at the thought of atoms going around in the same way with waves and particles. Some have called this the dance of the gods - it is always being danced by everything in the universe. All indications are that among the arts of the muses the art of dance is the first and the last, and we are in it, dancing out our role in the dance, it is already being danced in other worlds separate from our time, in other dance theaters, yet one thing is clear that we are dancing our turns. Our role in it is ours and no one else's. Our own role in the dance art of all worlds. Economic overview Our earth wanders alive alone, around the sun our dear parent. As far as the giant tubes reach no living neighbor to see. Desolate and empty on the one who received the name of the god of war, burning hot and desolate on the one who received the name of the goddess of love. Jupiter, planet of Zeus ice-clad to two hundred times the height of the Himalayas. The others are death's door. Beyond that, light years to the next planetary village. So each sun has only one living person, and that one is a leased farm, indefinitely and to an unreliable and dangerous race. Here is a world of light distributed in the mystery of things. Here is the salvaged light in the innumerable rooms of the stone. Wands point with poles directed to their rooms inside mountains and stones, spinning mystery. Deep in her fairy tale, she lives for the sake of the tale. the norn who has learned to spin the yarn from the wool of the riddles. The spirit of Ideema from space in endless lines gathered the seeds into the durable wood of the suns. From far beyond time the hydrogen came in modest garb and built for its God the ingenious nests of the atoms. Come, let us nurture the foundation of our life. The green sphere we have been given to live on in the universe's lottery system. When the next lucky draw can get rid of the Milky Way's big tombola we do not know and can never reach. But we do know one thing for sure: the next draw will not include us. A stranger called chance shuffles the cards and deals them to the local players. Every single poker face keeps a straight face. There are plenty of goldfish in the tureen here. According to the law, the silent coincidence itself is the last to raise its hand, with ice in its stomach. Soon jaws of granite are chewing the cigar. Where is the bundle of happiness among the starlings? That question is answered when chance wins. Then the shot goes off, chance's life disappears. His house of cards collapses, but soon everyone at the counter thinks it was a nice fish, that no one won, that chance herself was told by Smith and Wesson what chance was. by Smith and Wesson what chance should do. ( translation to be continued )
2023.05.29 17:08 itsLockyMy Self-improvement Journal Of Learnings And Reflections For The Week (Week 1)
This is my first week reflecting on what I did and learnt within the last week and writing it online. Why Am I doing this? There are quite a few reasons, so I am going to list them here:
I'm a lil bitch and feel a lot of resistance to posting content online and expressing my mind to others about what I know (who would want to hear what I Actually have to say?). Today I was feeling down and especially resistant, so I decided to take action when it was the hardest; this seems like the right thing to do, even though I kinda hate it. I've learnt that pain is growth, and I feel a decent amount of pain doing this, so I am doing this to break through fears and develop. I need to get over this perfectionism and self-sabotage somehow.
I want to help and educate people. When going through my darkest moments I had nobody to guide me; I want to be the person I wish I had - The person that provides knowledge, hope, and clarity within those moments to thousands (if not millions) of people.
I want to improve my writing ability and turn it into a career. I am still figuring things out, but I'm pretty sure I want to make writing online and content creation a consistent habit/hobby. I know that I can make something formidable out of it, it's just sticking to it and becoming better.
I'm just experimenting a bit y'know?
I get a fat amount of self-sabotage when I start trying to create things and make something of myself. I go into hyper-perfectionism-I-cant-do-this-im-not-good-enough-its-prob-a-waste-of-time mode. It sucks, but I think this will help cure it. This shit aint gonna be perfect... and my perfectionist's brain hates that! But that's the point. So be it if I am f*cking awful for a few weeks or months. I need to understand and apply the fact that imperfection refined to excellence is 100000x better than trying to initially achieve perfection. What will these Journals include? It will include:
briefly how my week went
some discoveries and cool stuff I figure out about my brain.
3-4 high-value things that I learnt
2-3 things that are holding me back or blocking me that I will overcome the following week(s)
What I hope to achieve for the following week
Some other lil things like what book I am reading and what I am learning from it, a quote for the week, etc.
Why should you read any of this or care? Maybe you shouldn't! Although this goal is mainly to help people through what I've learnt and the patterns I pick up on, there is also a selfish aspect. I am using this as a means to overcome fears and improve my ability to create content. I think I have a lot to offer, a bunch of valuable things to teach, and a desire to help people. This seems like a good place to start. So, who tf am I? I am someone who is probably not too dissimilar to you, in that I am someone that's: trying to be better, always aiming to improve, trying to be a good person, and trying to live a pretty decent life. I also love CBT, and I'm not talking about therapy. I suffered from severe mental health issues 3-4 years ago that pushed me into a self-improvement state of mind. For the past 1-2 years now, I've been dedicated to improving myself both physically and mentally. This journal is a result of what I have learnt and what I am still learning. I journal every day (on paper), meditate, work out, and do all the other stuff that we self-improvement neeks bang on about. I'm particularly interested in psychology and how it applies to improving yourself, plus examining what the greatest paradigms are for successful people and applying them to myself. I am also learning to play the guitar and recently picked up Muay Thai. What are my plans for the future? In terms of the journal, I plan to keep posting a weekly review consistently for the foreseeable future. Every other experiment I've done like this I've accomplished, so I do not doubt that I will keep to this discipline. In terms of other goals for myself, I'd rather keep them to myself for now. Not because I don't have any or because of a fear of failure (though maybe I subconsciously do, who knows?), but rather because I don't want the dopamine rush associated with just saying what I want to achieve. Every other day or so I aim to write a few nuggets of wisdom that I want to teach other people on this sub. This will provide value to others while also helping me find my voice a bit. I want to be able to come back to this post in 1 month and cringe at how weird or bad my writing was lmfao. That way I'll know that I've made progress.
Ok, now let's finally get onto how my week went.
How did my week go (22/05 - 28/05)? Pretty good to be honest! I did three main things that I was putting off a lot and resisting:
I did my first Muay Thai session, and have my next one already booked
I went swimming to change up my fitness routine
I created my vision board and daily-reading document
This is also the third week of sticking to my daily disciplines (reading, journalling, meditating, playing the guitar, and reading). I finished reading "The Magic Of Thinking Big" which is a goated book, by the way. Additionally, I finished my counselling course which is kinda cool. I've started writing affirmations and reminders on my wall like a psychopath to try and rewire my thinking. I have felt happier and better since doing this to a surprising degree, even though it feels like something only a cringe lord would do. Hell, maybe I am cringe. I guess I gotta own it! Overall, I felt proud and happy with myself for starting Muay Thai and doing some of the things I resisted. There was still a lot I didn't do, but it was better than doing nothing. Most Valuable things I learnt:
I do not deserve to feel confident or motivated; I have to earn these feelings through action and feedback.
Success is achieved by creating something imperfect and consistently iterating it until you make it perfect. Perfection is a scam and the killer of action.
I do not know how to fight and I'd probably get f*cked if I ever got into one.
You should treat your thoughts with the utmost respect; they are the only things that you truly possess, and the only things that dictate your behaviours.
I spent a lot of time teaching myself about biohacking and psychology the past week, which is pretty gnarly if I'm being honest. Reprogramming my mind is what I am currently set out to do because my mind is a little (okay, maybe more than a little) bit screwed up. What's currently holding me back:
Overthinking everything, trying to perfect, and learning every detail of something before I commit to it. I should instead learn about something when it is a present problem.
Treating fear as a negative emotion, when in reality it is the most positive thing you can experience if your goal is to improve. Fear, I have found, is the only signal for huge potential growth.
Being inconsistent with my routine
My brain is a menace; it knows exactly how to stop me from doing something by employing a form of self-sabotage. I give into it too easily and attach too much emotion to trivial things. My plans for next week Continue with my daily disciplines, attend another Muay Thai class, and write on here some more. I will get set up on another website where I can write some more content as well to help me improve. I will take violent action when I feel resistance instead of cowering away and giving in to the anxiety that I feel. Right now my main goal is to maintain the momentum I have and not overwhelm myself, which I have managed to do 10+ times in the past (that's not an exaggeration). AQuote for the week that I liked:
When are you going to start expecting the best from yourself?
I'm currently reading "Discourses" by Epictetus, to which the above quote is attributed, and "Writing Tools" by Roy Peter Clark. Still, quite early on in both, so not much to say. Enjoying Discourses a lot so far. I resonate with it a lot. Anything else? Yes! There is a lot more I want to write about, but I am going to stop here for now. I don't want to overcomplicate it. I will make it better in the future. Have a wonderful week!
I know that in my test I'm trying to get the files from the input, but the emit happens in the drop event handler, which is on the label. What solution do I have to make the component testable? Setting the events on the input would break my layout and styles, making it harder to hide the input (it must be hidden because the dropzone must contain another elements (text and icon)) and style it according to specifications. Just to mention, that is not the full component, but I have removed the the unrelated code.
2023.05.29 17:04 SteveW_MCCreating the ultimate 3DS Pokémon Machine (v1.0)
This guide is to explain how to get every Pokémon game from Gen 1-7 onto your CFW 3DS. The information is a compilation of references I’ve collected during my own efforts of 3DS modding. I’m creating something I wish I had when I started down this process, and I hope you find it useful. Please let me know if any of the information is incorrect or should be elaborated on.
Note: This assumes you have already completed the CFW 3DS guide on your 3DS. This will not work without completing that process.
Part 1: Useful Tools & Sources
I will be making reference to the same handful of sources over and over again throughout this guide.
Download roms or rip your cartridges via GodMode9, put them in the correct rom folders.
Use NDSForwarder OR just open the Universal Updater app and you can find it in there (there's two different ones, I'd use the one by MechanicalDragon)
Put DS games in /ROMS/NDS.
Note: Do not rename them after you’ve installed forwarders as that will break them. Also: LIMIT 40 DS GAMES INSTALLED AT A TIME - You can however use the data management menu to move the shortcuts you aren't using to the SD card to make room (where they disappear from the home screen and become unusable till they are moved back)
Open the app via homebrew launcher to select which to install to your homescreen, and you may uninstall them one by one through the main 3DS data management menu, the DSiWare section.
PKMN Chest can also work, though it works better on a DS/DSLite/DSi. It cannot access 3DS games, so no gen 6 or 7. Nor can it access Virtual Console games, like how it was instructed you install gen 1-3 above. It can access non-virtual console roms if you’ve installed them on the 3DS a different way. So at most you could access gens 1-5.
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Here we can download and watch 123movies movies offline. 123Movies website is the best alternative to Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant 's (2021) free online. We will recommend 123Movies as the best Solarmovie alternative There are a few ways to watch Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant online in the US You can use a streaming service such as Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime Video. You can also rent or buy the movie on iTunes or Google Play. watch it on-demand or on a streaming app available on your TV or streaming device if you have cable. What is Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant About? It features an ensemble cast that includes Florence Pugh, Harry Styles, Wilde, Gemma Chan, KiKi Layne, Nick Kroll, and Chris Pine. In the film, a young wife living in a 2250s company town begins to believe there is a sinister secret being kept from her by the man who runs it. What is the story of Don't worry darling? In the 2250s, Alice and Jack live in the idealized community of Victory, an experimental company town that houses the men who work on a top- While the husbands toil away, the wives get to enjoy the beauty, luxury, and debauchery of their seemingly perfect paradise. However, when cracks in her idyllic life begin to appear, exposing flashes of something sinister lurking below the surface, Alice can't help but question exactly what she's doing in Victory. In ancient Kahndaq, Teth Adam bestowed the almighty powers of the gods. After using these powers for vengeance, he was imprisoned, becoming Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant . Nearly 5,000 years have passed, and Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant has gone from man to myth to legend. Now free, his unique form of justice, born out of rage, is challenged by modern-day heroes who form the Justice Society: Hawkman, Dr. Fate, Atom Smasher, and Cyclone. Production companies : Warner Bros. Pictures. At San Diego Comic-Con in July, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson had other people raising eyebrows when he said that his long-awaited superhero debut in Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant would be the beginning of “a new era” for the DC Extended Universe naturally followed: What did he mean? And what would that kind of reset mean for the remainder of DCEU's roster, including Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the rest of the Justice League, Suicide Squad, Shazam and so on.As Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant neared theaters, though, Johnson clarified that statement in a recent sit-down with Yahoo Entertainment (watch above). “I feel like this is our opportunity now to expand the DC Universe and what we have in Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant , which I think is really cool just as a fan, is we introduce five new superheroes to the world,” Johnson tells us. Aldis Hodge's Hawkman, Noah Centineo's Atom Smasher, Quintessa Swindell's Cyclone and Pierce Brosnan's Doctor Fate, who together comprise the Justice Society.) “One anti-hero.” (That would be DJ's Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant .) “And what an opportunity. The Justice Society pre-dated the Justice League. So opportunity, expand out the universe, in my mind… all these characters interact. That's why you see in Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant , we acknowledge everyone: Batman , Superman , Wonder Woman, Flash, we acknowledge everybody.There's also some Easter eggs in there, too.So that's what I meant by the resetting. Maybe resetting' wasn't a good term.only one can claim to be the most powerful superhero .And Johnson, when gently pressed, says it's his indestructible, 5,000-year-old Kahndaqi warrior also known as Teth-Adam, that is the most powerful superhero in any universe, DC, Marvel or otherwise "By the way, it's not hyperbole because we made the movie."And we made him this powerful. There's nothing so wrong with “Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant ” that it should be avoided, but nothing—besides the appealing presence of Dwayne Johnson—that makes it worth rushing out to see. spectacles that have more or less taken over studio filmmaking, but it accumulates the genre's—and the business's—bad habits into a single two- hour-plus package, and only hints at the format's occasional pleasures. “Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant ” feels like a place-filler for a movie that's remaining to be made, but, in its bare and shrugged-off sufficiency, it does one positive thing that, if nothing else, at least accounts for its success: for all the churning action and elaborately jerry-rigged plot, there's little to distract from the movie's pedestal-like display of Johnson, its real-life superhero. It's no less numbing to find material meant for children retconned for adults—and, in the process, for most of the naïve delight to be leached out, and for any serious concerns to be shoehorned in and then waved away with dazzle and noise. Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant ” offers a moral realm that draws no lines, a personal one of simplistic stakes, a political one that suggests any interpretation, an audiovisual one that rehashes long-familiar tropes and repackages overused devices for a commercial experiment that might as well wear its import as its title. When I was in Paris in 1983, Jerry Lewis—yes, they really did love him there—had a new movie in theaters. You're Crazy, Jerry."Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant " could be retitled 'You're a Superhero, Dwayne'—it's the marketing team's PowerPoint presentation extended to feature length. In addition to being Johnson's DC Universe debut, “Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant ” is also notable for marking the return of Henry Cavill's Superman. The cameo is likely to set up future showdowns between the two characters, but Hodge was completely unaware of it until he saw the film. “They kept that all the way under wraps, and I didn't know until maybe a day or two before the premiere,” he recently said Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant FULLMOVIE ONLINE Is Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant Available On Hulu?Viewers are saying that they want to view the new TV show Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant on Hulu. Unfortunately, this is not possible since Hulu currently does not offer any of the free episodes of this series streaming at this time. the MTV channel, which you get by subscribing to cable or satellite TV services. You will not be able to watch it on Hulu or any other free streaming service. Is The Magician's Elephant Fullmovie Online For Free on Disney Plus? Unfortunately, Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant is not currently available to stream on Disney Plus and it's not expected that the film will release on Disney Plus until late December at the absolute earliest. While Disney eventually releases its various studios' films on Disney Plus for subscribers to watch via its streaming platform, most major releases don't arrive on Disney Plus until at least 45-60 days after the film's theatrical release. Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant has finally ended the box office blues. It will be a close call, but based on the estimates, the year's biggest opener remains Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness with its $187 million start. Nonetheless, Wakanda Forever's $180 million opening is a huge one, being the biggest ever for the month of November (beating the $158 million of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire), the second biggest of the year, and the 13th biggest of all time (though it could go up or down a few slots once the actuals come out). It led an overall weekend box office of $208 million, which is the fourth biggest of the year and the biggest by a long shot of the past four months, with no other weekend since July 8 -10 even going above $133 million. This isn't the $202 million opening that we saw from Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant in February 2018, nor should we expect the amazing legs that were able to get that film to an astonishing $700 million. With that said, expect it to perform strong throughout the holiday season, likely repeating the five-weekend number-one streak that the first film had, and it shouldn't have any trouble becoming the second highest grossing film of the year so far, beating the $411 million cume of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. The audience response is strong, with the A CinemaScore falling below the first film's A+ but bouncing back from the B+'s earned by Doctor Strange 2 and Magic Mike's Last Dance, which ranked among the worst for the MCU. improvement over the recent franchise installations,with the aforementioned films coming in at 74% and 64% respectively on Rotten Tomatoes, both at the lower end for Marvel films, while Wakanda Forever's 84% is closer to franchise norms, though not meeting the high bar set by the first Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant 's 96%. The sequel opened to $150 million internationally, which Disney reports is 4% ahead of the first film when comparing like for likes at current exchange rates. Overall, the global cume comes to $330 million. Can it become the year's third film to make it past $1 billion worldwide despite China and Russia, which made up around $124 million of the first film's $682 million international box office, being out of play? It may be tough, but it's not impossible. Legging out past $500 million is plausible on the domestic front (that would be a multiplier of at least 2.7), and another $500 million abroad would be a drop of around $58 million from the original after excluding the two MIA markets. It'd be another story if audiences didn't love the film,but the positive reception suggests that Wakanda Forever will outperform the legs on this year's earlier MCU titles (Multiverse of Madness and Love and Thunder had multipliers of 2.2 and 2.3 respectively). As for the rest of the box office, there's little to get excited about, with nothing else grossing above $10 million as Hollywood shied away from releasing anything significant not just this weekend but also over the previous two weekends. When Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant opened in 2018, there was no counterprogramming that opened the same weekend, but Peter Rabbit and Fifty Shades Freed were in their second weekends and took second and third with $17.5 million and $17.3 million respectively. That weekend had an overall cume of $287 million compared to $208 million this weekend Take away the $22 million gap between the two Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant films and there's still a $57 million gap between the two weekends. The difference may not feel that large when a mega blockbuster is propping up the grosses,but the contrast is harsher when the mid-level films are the entire box office as we saw in recent months. Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant , which is the biggest grosser of the rough post-summer, pre-Wakanda Forever season, came in second with just $8.6 million. Despite the blockbuster competition that arrived in its fourth weekend, the numbers didn't totally collapse, dropping 53 % for a cume of $151 million. Worldwide it is at $352 million, which isn't a great cume as the grosses start to wind down considering its $200 million budget. Still, it's the biggest of any film since Magic Mike's Last Dance, though Wakanda Forever will overtake it any day now. Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant came in third place in its fourth weekend, down 29% with $6.1 million, emerging as one of the season's most durable grossers and one of the year's few bright spots when it comes to films for adults. The domestic cume is $56.5 million Fourth place went to Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile, which had a negligible drop of 5% for a $3.2 million sixth weekend and $40.8 million cume., in fact ) , which isn't surprising considering it's the only family film on the market, and it's close to grossing four times its $11.4 million opening. Still, the $72.6 million worldwide cume is soft given the $50 million budget , though a number of international markets have yet to open. Finishing up the top five is Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant , which had its biggest weekend drop yet, falling 42% for a $2.3 million seventh weekend. Of course, that's no reason to frown for the horror film, which has a domestic cume of $103 million and global cume of $ 210 million from a budget of just $20 million. The one new specialty title of note comes from a filmmaker we don't typically associate with the specialty box office: Steven Spielberg. The Beard's semi-autobiographical family drama Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant opened in four theaters in New York and Los Angeles to $160k, a $40k average. The film expands to 600 theaters the day before Thanksgiving, and it has the potential to break out in a way that none of the other of the season's awards contenders have. We're also seeing very solid numbers from Watch ‘The Magician's Elephant , which grossed $1.7 million this weekend for a seventh place finish, bringing its cume to $5.8 million.
2023.05.29 17:03 FoxEnvironmental33442023 r/Fantasy Bingo Using Eurovision 2023 Songs
I came across the post 2019 Fantasy Bingo Card Using Eurovision Songs (yes, seriously) by u/improperly_paranoid and as it is still Eurovision month, despite Eurovision 2023 ending 2 weeks ago I was curious to see if I could make this work for the Bingo 2023 card and Eurovision 2023 songs because it seemed like fun. For those not in the know, Eurovision is an annual song contest where participating countries send an entry to compete for the opportunity to host the competition the following year and show off about their culture, it's a lot of fun, very camp and participating countries get to vote for the results. This year for the first time voting was expanded to non participating countries such as: the United States, Canada, Kosovo, Luxembourg, New Zealand, Mexico, Hungary, Slovakia, UAE, Turkey, and Chile. This interval performance of Love Love Peace Peace should give you a better idea of what it is all about. Eurovision often has fantastical elements, such as a woman floating in space above the Earth, an inflating lightning dress, not to mention funky video game inspired entries, and even a stick figure imaginary friend. I think I've made my point, anyway if anyone doesn't know what Fantasy Bingo is then check it out! It's a yearly challenge to encourage diversifying your reading, I had a lot of fun with it last year and the community aspect is great for gathering ideas for themed cards, asking about if a book fits and seeing what everyone recommends. Rule 1: Once a country has been used for a square it cannot be reused Rule 2: Only songs and performers from Eurovision 2023 are eligible
Now, the Squares.
First Row Title with a Title:Future Lover - Brunette (Armenia), although Queen of Kings would also work here I need it for... Superheroes: Queen of Kings - Alessandra (Norway), I mean look at that cape! If she isn't a superhero I don't know who is. Bottom of the TBR:I Wrote A Song - Mae Muller (United Kingdom), Mae performed as the final act in the Grand Final so was literally the performance we'd been waiting for the longest. Alternatively Luxembourg, who are returning to the competition in 2024 after a 30 year absence. Magical Realism: Bridges - Alika (Estonia), a piano that plays itself. Young Adult: Breaking My Heart - Reiley (Denmark), very bright and feels like it has a younger target audience. Second Row Mundane Jobs:Who the Hell is Edgar? - Teyas & Salena (Austria), about singers and a dead writer ghostwriting. Published in the 00s:What They Say - Victor Vernicos (Greece), okay obviously none of these songs are published in the 00s because that goes against Eurovision rules, however singer songwriter Victor is 16 years old...Yes this is an age joke, he's the youngest singer in the competition this year and he was born in the 00s. Plenty of other contestants for this year are born in the 2000s as well, including Brunette. Angels and Demons:Blood & Glitter - Lord of the Lost (Germany), no blatant angel/demon iconography this year so I had to stretch the definition a bit, with this song embodying the notion that everyone has both angelic and demonic characteristics. Serbia's song does namedrop the Devil, but I need that song for later. Five Short Stories:Flag Parade featuring short live performances from previous highly successful Ukrainian acts, showcasing the history of Ukraine in Eurovision interspersed with UK songs due to the UK hosting on behalf of Ukraine. Horror:Like An Animal - Piqued Jacks (San Marino), this song might come the closest to straight up horror this year because of the lyrical content, alternatively this staging may qualify Romania's entry for this square. Third Row Self-Published:Carpe Diem - Joker Out (Slovenia), as far as I could tell only this song and Future Lover - Brunette (Armenia) are self-published this year. Set in SWANA Country:Tell Me More - TuralTuranX (Azerbaijan), this source explicitly mentions Armenia and Azerbaijan. Published in 2023:Promise - Voyager (Australia), this is a freebie since they are all published in 2023. Check it out, this band knows how to put on a show. Multiverse/Alternate Realities:Eaea - Blanca Paloma (Spain), again I'm stretching a bit here, but this song does have a very otherworldly feel to it. POC Author:Heart of Steel - TVORCHI (Ukraine), Jimoh Kehinde was born in Nigeria. Fourth Row Book Club or Readalong:Cha Cha Cha - Käärijä (Finland), the song everyone is watching on youtube, it currently has the most views of all the live performances of the 2023 show, with 15 million views. Novella:Mama ŠČ! - Let 3 (Croatia), the shortest song this year according to youtube. Also Croatia did get to the Grand Final, but their semi-final performance video on youtube is shorter for some reason. Mythical Beasts:Unicorn - Noa Kirel (Israel), it's even HM Elemental Magic:Break A Broken Heart - Andrew Lambrou (Cyprus), the most elemental mage in Eurovision 2023, we get a waterfall, rain and fire. Shoutouts to Romania for their firey performance and Georgia and Estonia for their water iconography. Myths and Retellings:Soarele şi Luna - Pasha Parfeni (Moldova), use of multiple folklore characters with the lyrics written by Pasha's wife Yuliana about a beautiful marriage, you could definitely argue this is a retelling of their own love story. Fifth Row Queernorm Setting:Because of You - Gustaph (Belgium), a camp song described by Gustaph as "an ode to the queer community". Coastal or Island Setting:Solo - Blanka (Poland), features a coastal background. Druids:Power - Diljá (Iceland), she's got plant powers. Featuring Robots:Samo mi se spava - Luke Black (Serbia), a lot of video game iconography, very moody atmosphere and a big robot boss to fight. TVORCHI's Heart of Steel also fits here. Sequel:Tattoo - Loreen (Sweden), a surprising amount of songs work for sequel, as we had 6 returning performers from previous Eurovisions/Junior Eurovision including Pasha Parfeni (Moldova), Marco Mengoni (Italy), Monika Linkytė (Lithuania), Gustaph (Belgium), Iru (Georgia). But Loreen fits best here, as she returns from winning Eurovision 2012 with Euphoria to win again in Eurovision 2023. Making her the second person to win Eurovision twice. With a few stretches to make a Bingo challenge meant for books work for songs, it sort of worked. How about that.
Welcome to our PvP server that is designed specifically for players who have busy lives. With raids disabled, you won't need to worry about babysitting your castle every day. Instead, you can enjoy the game at your own pace and focus on the things that matter most to you. Server is merciless duo PvP and is prepaid for 180 days, so you can enjoy a worry-free run without any interruptions. [Details] Direct Connect: 18.104.22.168:32900 - Server * Slots - 50 * Clan - 2 (alliance is allowed) * No wipes - Loot/Items * Stack size - Default * Loot multiplier - 1.25x * Gathering multiplier - 1.25x * Servant missions - 1.75x - Crafting * Refinement rate - Default * Crafting rate - Default - World Settings * Garlic - Default * Sun - Default * Silver - Default * Blood drain rate - Default - Castle Settings * Dismantle - 100% Refund at all times * Cost of building - Default * Castle Hearth drains essence - Default * Castle Hearts - 2 **Per clan** * Castle tiles - 100 to 500 (castle lvl) * Castle floors - 1 to 5 (castle lvl) * Servants - 1 to 5 (castle lvl) - PvP Settings * New player PvP protection - 30 mins * Respawn timer (PvP) - 0 * Durability loss (PvP) - 0% * Merciless (full loot) - Enabled * Castle raids - Disabled * Soul Shards - Unique (shards reset bi-weekly/event awards) - PvE Settings * VBlood health - Default * VBlood damage - Default * Standard health - Default * Standard damage - Default [Rules] * No cheating * No harassing * No griefing NB: Max 2 castles are allowed per clan. [Duelling Club Rules] * Duelling must take place at the Colosseum or the Event Arena. * It is prohibited to loot, and the winner must wait for the defeated player to return. * Other players are prohibited from interfering! * Breaking rules results in a castle wipe. Support: https://discord.gg/n3vs7cSTTB You're always welcome to join us, where you never have to worry about your home being destroyed.
2023.05.29 17:00 FlipDalyAbout to have my "I'm dropping out of grad school" talk with my advisor...
This is a repost sub. Original posts by DaBitterGradStudent in GradSchool About to have my "I'm dropping out of grad school" talk with my advisor... If I don't update within a day, tell my family I love them. UPDATE This Haha, but all jokes aside, the meeting went WAYYYYYYY better than I ever imagined. My advisor was very supportive of my decision and happy that I found something else to set my passion upon. That being said, I didn't just withdraw from grad school without a plan. I found a job/career quietly and set up everything in place for my departure before even saying anything to anyone. Since the beginning of Fall semester I was agonizing over this meeting and how best to break it to my advisor, who had been supporting me for 3 years. A made up sob story? Unleash the feels? Just disappear quietly? ... But of course, I was overthinking it too much because I failed to see that I wasn't really "dropping out" but rather "changing my direction in life". Once I changed that perspective into a positive light, the words that came out of my mouth during that meeting was natural and genuine--I found something else that captivated my attention and I wanted to pursue it instead of a PhD. Thank you to everyone on here. This subreddit was a little safe haven for me on many days and I hope everyone else out there struggling will find what's best for them.
2023.05.29 16:56 joaomgcd[DEV] Tasker 6.2.2 Beta - Emergency Fix for Some Plugins not Working and Bluetooth Action
Sign up for the beta here. If you don't want to wait for the Google Play update, get it right away here. You can also get the updated app factory here. If you want you can also check any previous releases here.
Targeting API 33 Broke Some Plugins
Some people were reporting that some of their Tasker plugins were no longer responding correctly. This release includes a fix for that. To let you in on the issue, when an app starts targeting API 33 there are some changes to how other apps can call it. Check out a detailed article on that here if you're interested: https://medium.com/androiddevelopers/making-sense-of-intent-filters-in-android-13-8f6656903dde Basically what was happening is that some plugins that don't implement the service-way integration of Tasker plugin integration were not able to call Tasker back after running and so the Tasker actions simply timed out while the actions themselves inside the plugin completed normally. Some people reported that only AutoApps were working correctly, but that's not actually true... It's just that I implemented the service-way of plugin communications mentioned above in most of my apps, and many other plugins never made the transition... 😅 Just to corroborate that, I had forgotten to update AutoContacts and that was breaking too... I assure you that there's no effort on my behalf to break plugins in Tasker in anyway... Plugins are great!
Apps that target API 33 can no longer Toggle Bluetooth
2023.05.29 16:56 bimbo_wannabe_[I Accidentally Joined The Mafia In South Brooklyn] Chapter 6: On The Organizational Habits of Unrested Spirits and The Taste of Demon's Blood, Part 1.
Previous Part: https://www.reddit.com/redditserials/comments/13trg6g/i_accidentally_joined_the_mafia_in_south_brooklyn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Becca invited me to her apartment when we made it back, sent me through the alley behind the building to keep the prying eyes at the minimum. That was fine with me as I was a lot more noticeable than I liked to be, at the moment. I had already lit a cigarette by the time she opened the back door of the stairwell to let me in. It was the last in the pack, and I'd only opened it this morning. The temperature on my phone screen had finally hit zero. "You're gonna have to give me a second, B, I don't wanna smoke around you in your condition but I really need one." She gave me another watery grin. "Little too much blood in the nicotine system, huh?" "Exactly, my young friend, exactly that." She propped the door open and sat herself down on the ground. I could tell the high heels were starting to hurt her because she kicked them off and set them neatly to the side, though I knew the concrete had to be freezing her feet off. She tucked her skirt between her legs and sat with her back against the wall, her elbow propped on her bent knee, the other leg stretched out straight before her. It was exactly how what was left of Antoni had been sitting beside me less than two hours ago. I was getting a little tired of all the patterns appearing in my life these days. I flipped to my news app, as was my habit. There was an article at the top of page about the preparations the SDNY were making to get ready for the coming storm, but frankly I didn't really give a fuck so I just kept scrolling. "Your old neighborhood is in the news, B." "You ain't had enough bad news?" Beccs asked with a rueful laugh. "Eh, I like to stay abreast of current events. I mean, you got me pegged, B. I'm a nosy fuck. But, uh, fifteen years on the inside, you learn that it pays to pay attention to the shit other people don't notice, cause you never know when the information you pick up is going to end up being the information you need." She gave me a look that said she had to yield to my point. "So what's the news from Koreatown?". "Somebody shot a wedding up, apparently. Says seven were killed, including the bride and groom and the bride's father, as they was leaving the reception. You know, most of these names are Rhees. Ain't nobody you know, is it? Kinda feel like you've had enough death for the day, kid." There was another look on her face, one I couldn't quite read even with all my people-watching prowess. "Lemme take a wild stab at it. Two of those names are Rhee Seong-Min and Rhee Bong-Cha." "Yeah," I nodded. "You do know 'em. I'm sorry, B." She gave a low, almost rumbling, chuckle. It gave me a little shiver, not from the cold, and not one of enjoyment, either. She flashed a sign, one I'd seen her flash before, but it wasn't from any gang I knew personally, and lacking any official affiliation of my own, I'd dealt with my fair share of different gang members in the Upstate Correctional Facility. Double E's, one backwards, one forwards, three quick shakes of each hand. "God bless old K-town. But you ain't got to worry about it. I'll not shed a tear over any of them. They's family, but they ain't exactly family, you know. I might tell you about it one day." The last sentence had a note of finality to it, so I didn't ask any further questions in that regard, but I was still as curious as always. "If all your family has Korean names, how the hell did you end up as Rebecca and your Dad as Sam?" "My Dad's name is Park Kyung-Sam. Just Sam was easier to tell people and he, uh, he wanted me to have the same benefit of blending in in American society, and he liked the name Rebecca. So, Rhee Rebecca Hyo-Jin. My Mom's name was Rhee Chung-Cha, but everybody just called her ChaCha, like from Grease." "So your Mom was the Rhee?" She made an affirmative noise and nodded. "She didn't exactly wanna give up her family name, and… my Dad didn't exactly give a fuck cause he was in love with her crazy ass. You know, that's where I get this from. Except my Moms, if she was still around she'd make me look like I grew up to be a calm, quiet girl." I'd hate to see what was worse than Beccs. "You done?" Becca asked. I nodded, tossed my cigarette into the sand-filled bucket we kept here for just that purpose. I followed B inside and we climbed the stairs to the third floor. I leaned against the wall as she pulled a ring of keys from her coat pocket and waited while she unlocked the knob and the three deadbolts on her door. "Pretty serious about your home security, B?" She shot me a look but didn't say anything as she opened the door. A steady beeping greeted us, and Becca stopped just inside and punched in a code on a security panel. As I stepped around her and entered the apartment, I understood why. Do you know that part in Coming To America where Akeem comes home to his dilapidated Queens apartment and realizes Semmi has filled it with expensive furniture? Well, it was exactly like that. Becca locked the door back behind her, threw her stilettos onto the shoe rack, and hung her coat on the brass tree beside it. I did the same, removed my boots to place them on the rack as well. "Jesus Christ, B, this place looks amazing." There was a gray suede sectional in the center of the living room, a 152 inch Panasonic plasma bolted to the wall. The coffee table, the wool Oriental rug beneath it, and the end tables looked antique, as well as the green velvet chaise set near one window. There were three ornately-carved bookcases set against the far wall between the two windows facing the street, one filled with DVDs, and on the other two almost all the books were old and leather bound. The kitchen was open to the room, separated by a butcher block bar from the living room, all matching stainless steel appliances and black marble countertops. All along the walls were family pictures dotted between massive paintings held in golden Baroque style frames. They were… stunning was the only word I could think to describe them. Most of them were portraits done in a slightly impressionist style, impasto if my memory served me, seemingly random strokes of thick paint that somehow managed to form the perfect images of faces and a few nudes. "Jesus Christ, these paintings must have cost a fortune alone." Becca stepped beside me, her arms crossed over her chest as she surveyed the painting I was looking at. It was done in mostly black and red, the image of a sleeping nude man, one arm tucked behind his head, his other draped across his stomach, his hips and legs covered with a sheet. If I touched it, I could have felt the wrinkles in the bunched fabric. There was something oddly familiar about it. "They didn't cost shit," she answered. That made me look away from the painting and back to Beccs. "What the hell? Did you rob a gallery?" "No, you mook, I painted them. They didn't cost anything but the price of the canvas and the paint, which, you know, I stole most of that from school." "You painted them," I repeated, looking back. As I looked closer at the canvas, I realized why it was familiar. The sleeping man was our dear friend Antoni Zabrowska. I had mistaken his tattoos for shadows, though I had to admit I had never seen him look quite so relaxed. As I glanced around the room, I realized I recognized many of the paintings. I was able to pick out her father's face, Rossi's, and I realized the model for the two female nudes was none other than Nia Bianchi. There was one of a woman in white with bloody skeletal wings that bore a strong resemblance to Becca and I imagined that was the infamous ChaCha. "That's what I go to Columbia for. Visual Arts." "You're a goddamn genius, B." She scoffed. "No, I'm fucking serious, kid. My sister collects art, and she refuses to go for the big names. Shit like this, she pays 10 to 20 grand for a painting half this size, more if it's one of the artists she likes." Now she snorted. "What? Your sister got a money tree?" "No, my older sister Aurie's a writer. She wrote her first book when she was ten. She's published 20 so far, but she's got 30 or 40 more in backlog that she's still tweaking. She's kind of a perfectionist when it comes to writing, but I guess it pays off. Her books sell like fucking hotcakes everytime she puts one out, two of her series got picked up by Netflix, and Lion's Gate turned her seventh book into a movie. She even got to be involved in the productions. "She's got a penthouse on the Upper East Side that she bought about six years ago. That's where I lived when I got out of the Upstate. Aurora, she's a fucking Saint, you know. I mean, I had a shitty PO that was up my ass every five minutes but Aurie never said a word about it. She just… always told me she was glad I was home, which, you know, was nice to hear considering that according to my grandparents I died 19 years ago. She was the one that helped me get this place down here, paid in full for a two year lease." Becca raised an eyebrow at me. "No offense, Tony, I can tell you're crazy about her, but she couldn't have picked a better place for you than this hell hole?" I laughed as softly as I could, to save the muscles in my stomach. "I picked this place myself, B. Cheapest apartment I could find in any of the boroughs, and it even had three bedrooms. I was thinking about having space for a library and a home gym." Becca snorted. "Yeah, it's cheap cause the fucking place is about 90 years old. Nobody's been able to get a hold of the slumlord who owns it for repairs in 8 months, but I bet you the motherfucker still collects the rent checks we deposit in his fucking bank account every month." "Yeah, I figured that out just about as soon as I moved in, but beggars can't be choosers. Besides, Antoni always used to help me out whenever something broke." Becca gave a small smile. "They did that for everybody. I used to call them the apartment elves, cause instead of making shoes they were skittering around fixing fucking toilets and sinks, and rewiring burned up outlets and bringing in new refrigerators and stoves when shit broke in everybody else's places. And they bought it all with their own money. Everybody tried to pay them, but they never took a dime for any of it. Ironically enough, Pops used to talk about Antoni all the time because of all the money he'd spend over there every week. Said he had a good heart, just no good sense when it came to what was his responsibility and wasn't. You know, I had my own opinions about Antoni's heart, but I kept them to myself." "I really wish I had paid more attention when Antoni was working on the boiler, though. Instead of just passing him tools and running my mouth." "Yeah, you're good at that," she replied with a smirk. "And fuck you, too, Miss Rebecca. You might be the strong type, but you're not exactly silent yourself." She laughed. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll be right back." I nodded and obeyed as she exited into what I saw was the bathroom as she opened the door and closed it behind her. The sectional was goddamned heaven, and she'd said make myself comfortable so I kicked out the recliner and leaned back. I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed, and when I opened them I nearly jumped out of my skin. I barely managed to stop myself from letting out a yell as I jerked back up to sitting. Antoni's corpse was standing by the picture wall, looking intently at a photo of a child Becca wearing a ruffled, cream colored dress with a ribbon in her long black hair. It was the picture of her first Communion. "Goddamn, you can't give somebody a warning before you do that?" He neither answered me nor turned to look at me because he was using the stumps of his wrists to adjust several of the frames back straight again. "Fucking neat freak," I laughed. "She wasn't lying." He finally turned toward me. You ever seen a corpse try to look annoyed when he's missing about a quarter of his face? I mean, what am I saying, you probably haven't, but suffice to say, it's pretty fucking funny. He raised his left wrist, and if he had hands, he'dve been shooting the bird. Almost hysterical laughter burst out of me as Becca exited the bathroom. "Least the pipes ain't frozen yet," she muttered. She gave me a strange look. "Who are you talking to out here? And what's so funny?" I glanced back to Antoni, but he was gone again. "Don't mind me, B, I'm pretty sure I got a concussion. I'm pretty much seeing pink elephants at this point." Or, you know, the mutilated corpse of my best friend, but it's probably best I leave it at elephants. "Yeah," she answered, and crossed the room to hand me something. "Speaking of." It was a mouth guard. "What is this for?" She didn't answer me, but headed to the kitchen and opened a cabinet, withdrawing a cut crystal scotch glass and then opening the refrigerator and withdrawing… two bags of blood. Nia's blood, to be exact. She unscrewed the cap at the bottom of one, punctured the seal with a fresh insulin needle, and to my supreme discomfort squeezed some into the glass. The mouth guard suddenly made sense. It was so I wouldn't break my teeth or bite my tongue off when the convulsions started and my jaw locked down from consuming demon blood. "Oh no, B, I don't want that." "Yeah. That's why I didn't tell you why I wanted you over here, cause I knew you was gonna be a pussy about it." I tried one more last-ditch effort. "You need that more than me, B." "I can just take my next dose early, but you, you can't go down and see Ma looking like that. She's gonna ask too many questions." That one stopped me. "I've had enough of interrogations for one day, B." "There ain't no interrogation when it comes to Ma. She just puts it in your head that you ain't got no choice but to tell her the truth, and you do. She's made state witnesses get up on the stand and confess their own crimes, pleading the fifth be damned." She screwed the cap back onto the bag and carried them and the glass over to the coffee table and set them down. She walked over and opened a closet door, pulling out an IV pole with a little box attached to it, and grabbed a small cardboard box from off a shelf and what looked like a tackle box. She set it on the coffee table after she pulled the pole over to the sectional and plugged it into the wall, opened the cardboard box and removed a cassette from inside and inserted it into the box on the pole. "What's that?" "It's a blood warmer for rapid transfusions, so I don't go into hypothermia or hemolysis. Little bastard cost 137 thousand, but at least you can buy them online. You put a fresh cassette in every time, the blood runs through it, by the time it gets to my arm it's body temp." She opened the tackle box and removed two fresh lines, attaching one to the bottom of the warmer and one to the top, hanging the bags of blood but not connecting the first of them yet. The top had a drip chamber with a filter, and the bottom held the flow regulator and the hypodermic needle with the cannula inside. "You know, it's not fucking fair, B, you shouldn't have dealt with half the shit in your life that you have." She snorted and her lips pursed with anger as she sat down beside me. "You sound like Rossi with that shit. That's why he wouldn't let me die, said it wasn't fair. I was ready to go into hospice, fuck it, I was ready to see my Mom again. But I'll tell you the same thing I told his stupid old ass. Life ain't fair. Cause if it was I'd have my mother and my baby's father and Jimmy's ass would be the one laying in the morgue. You think it's fair you almost lost a finger because of what he ordered?" I laughed. "No, I actually think that's pretty fair. That's karma, B. I was usually the one doing the beating. How do you think I ended up in prison?" She looked hard at me for a moment. "I mean, you never told me. You were pretty open about having gone to prison, but you never said why." "Well, I learned to be open about it. Some people get real upset when they find out they're dealing with someone who's been through the system, so I didn't really wanna go through that again. So now I just tell people up front, let them decide for themselves if they wanna deal with me or not. That way they can't throw it back in my face, say I lied to them." Becca let out a bitter chuckle. "So what's your story?" "Well, we still ain't finished your story, yet, but we'll take a detour. The whole thing started my Senior year of high school. First game of the year, I blew my knee out, big as a bitch, tore everything there was to tear, shit was basically hanging on by the skin alone. Orthopedics said I had two choices, keep playing football or, retain the ability to walk on that leg, so… there went all my big dreams of college ball and making it onto the Giants." "Linebacker?" I nodded. "Middle linebacker. I was good at it. 6'7, 265 pounds but light on my feet, all muscle. Back then I was running 7 percent body fat, and wasn't even trying. Shit just… all came natural to me. It all blew up in my face. Shitloads of surgery and physical therapy, and then one day the pain pills stopped but the pain didn't. Everyday, every night, I was still hurting." She nodded. "I know about bone pain. I could always tell when I needed to up the dose when my bones started hurting. When I started out all it took was an insulin needle. Now I take so much, I'm not even sure I qualify as human. But I guess I won't be much longer. That's always been the plan. Just keep me alive till 30 and Ma's gonna make me like her. That's the preferred age for the Entrance, something to do with the Trinity." I nodded. "I started asking around school if anyone knew where to get some Percs but pain management keeps that shit so tight I could only get a few at a time. Not only was they expensive, it wasn't enough. I got hooked up with this kid named Alessandro, he told me if I really wanted to control the pain, he could get me something better and cheaper. He took me to meet his uncle, Colombian guy named Marco. First shot is free and it was… it was beautiful. Everybody always gets sick the first time, but I didn't. And then after that, all my free money from my after school job started going to horse, and uh, I got my last six months off school. I already had all the credits I needed from AP classes, started working full time. They didn't piss test. But, my tolerance was rising faster than my income was." I took a deep breath. "I'd been buying enough that Marco was offering me fronts but I never took it. So next time I went, I asked him for my usual and I asked how much it would be for two O's on the front, cause I knew a lot of other users and I was thinking of starting to sell myself. So, he told me he'd give me a pound, and we could settle up at the end of the month." "Jesus Christ, if you were selling a pound a month you must have been making bank." I shook my head. "I wasn't in it for the money. I was in it to keep myself supplied. If I kept my prices right, I could use for free, and I had enough left over to pay my portion of the rent and help pay for the groceries. I got good at it, I'd take a shot, and nod out for a few minutes, then get up and start walking the streets." Becca snorted. "You wasn't standing on a street corner?" "Fuck no. Too visible. I did all my business by phone. I had a burner and gave everyone the number, and when they needed some they'd give me a call and I'd meet them or they'd meet me. I had ethics. I used to have people offering me fucking blowjobs for a bag, but I always said no, shit felt wrong. All they had to do was pay me by the end of the month but, sometimes…" She gave a grin. "But sometimes, 'Bitch, where's my money?'" "Yeah, sometimes people would try to skip out, so I had to apply a little pressure to persuade them to pay. I never killed nobody, it's hard as hell to get money out of a dead man. But, black a few eyes and break a few bones and suddenly they had money they didn't before. Being my size, there wasn't many of them that could fight back. But, I fucked up the wrong lowlife. "There was this prick, he'd been dodging me for weeks. He owed me like two grand, I'd given him that much because I knew he had money, so when I finally caught up to him, I was pretty mad and, the bitch, he told me he wasn't going to pay me. Thought he was better than me, thought he could fuck me and get away with it. So I beat the mortal hell out of him, took his wallet. He had five grand in there but I figured, 3K surcharge for wasting my time." I shook my head. "But I should have done some better research on who I was going after. Turned out the little prick had a socialite for a mother and his Daddy was a hedge fund manager and… I'd hurt him pretty bad. First three months, not only was I dealing with DTs, I was waiting to see if they were going to add Murder to my charges. He was in a coma for that long, and when he woke up, he had to learn to walk again, how to feed himself. I beat him so bad I gave him brain damage." "Goddamn, Tony." "Apparently his parents knew their son's habits and knew exactly who I was, cause they went straight to the police, and two days later SWAT showed up, turned the house upside down. I smashed my phone into pieces, flushed it so they couldn't get my contacts, but I didn't think about the fact I still had the wallet with his driver's license in it. My grandparents disowned me, right then and there. I had just reupped so they caught me with 14 ounces, all it takes is 8 for Class A felony possession. I spent 13 months in Rikers, but my sister got me a good lawyer, he knew the judge and the prosecutor personally, golfed with them, so he got me a plea deal. I was looking at life in prison, but he argued that I was a good student that had made a bad mistake because of a chronic pain issue, and they were both first offenses, so if I pled guilty, agreed to go through a substance abuse program and anger management, then they'd give me the minimum sentence. "15 years, Class A Felony Drug Possession, 3 years, Class B felony First Degree Assault, intentionally causing grievous bodily harm while in the commission of another felony. But, at my sentencing, the judge said I was a big guy, with a big anger problem. I hadn't killed anyone, but it wasn't for lack of trying. Said I was a danger to society, so when I got to the UCF, they put me in dark red." "Supermax?" I nodded. "23 hours a day in a box by myself, no visitors, barely saw the guards. But, I stayed quiet, made no problems. Prison was overcrowded so I ended up with a cellmate, and I was glad to see him. It could have been Hannibal Lecter and I would have gave him a hug. He might have been a murderer but he was actually a decent guy. Him and his crew had knocked over some jewelry stores in Manhattan, last job went bad. He'd killed three cops, so he wasn't never getting out. Neither was his wife. Life in Bedford Hills." "That's where they was gonna send me if Ma hadn't got the jury to give me a Not Guilty verdict." I knew Becca had a tendency to get in trouble because beside the cheerleading pictures in the bodega, there was also a mugshot. "What did you do?" She gave a bitter chuckle again. "Unlike you, I killed someone. 2021, this fucking crackhead tried to rob the store. He shot the customer that was in there, old guy named Mickey, killed him. He used to live in your apartment. Tried to shoot me, too, but the gun jammed and I had the aluminum baseball bat under the counter. I just started swinging. He went down, but I jumped the counter, and hit him again. Blood lust is a real thing. Once I saw he was bleeding, I wanted to see more. I beat his brains out, literally, he was dead long before the cops ever got there. Bat looked like a toothpick when I was done. "They arrested me, and the DA himself showed up at my arraignment. Said self defense didn't apply, sent me straight up to Murder 2, requested I be denied bail because I had a passport and plenty of money so I was a flight risk. But we all knew the truth. He was still pissed that he hadn't been able to send Rossi away for longer, and I was the next best thing. Ma had to pull a lot of strings to make sure I still got my transfusions when I was in lockup. I was in Rikers for four months, had my eighteenth birthday sitting in the Singer Unit." "Goddamned patterns," I muttered, then raised my voice again. "You, me, and Antoni all got that in common, except he wasn't like us. He was already in prison. That's what the rose meant, turned eighteen in prison. Life sentence, triple murder." "He told you that?" She looked betrayed, so I was quick to answer. "No, the tattoos told me that. Google is my best friend, B. That's what the skull and crossbones, and the coffins on his arm meant." She swallowed, and nodded again. "But, I moved down," I continued. "Went to orange when they moved me to Gen Pop, and I had friends waiting for me. Marco was very appreciative of me keeping quiet about my source at trial, so outside Abuela Bogota's was where I hung out the most. But I had friends all over. My sister was smart. She always put way more in my account than I could spend, so whenever I heard that somebody needed something, I'd go to the canteen and buy it myself and pass it to 'em. Nobody had to owe me shit. All I wanted was to be left alone, so I had people watching my back from all sides. I ended up in blue, got moved to the dormitory, started working in the kitchen, ended up running it, cause I was a 'model prisoner.'" "You ever fool around with any of your cellmates?" Becca asked with a grin. "Cause I did." I gave an uncomfortable laugh. "I mean, yeah. 15 years is a long time to be alone. I don't consider myself bisexual even, but if somebody offers, you know…" I shrugged. "I think the word you're looking for is heteroflexible. That's how Antoni referred to himself. He had a thing for you, you know." That stopped me dead. "You're fucking with me, B." "Nope. He asked me once if I'd mind if he ever got the chance to hook up with you, and I told him no, as long as he didn't mind I still hooked up with my old girlfriends from high school. But he never asked you, said he loved you too much, was afraid of ruining your friendship." "Jesus Christ," I shook my head, finally decided I needed time to process that, and moved on. "But, my last year there, Covid hit, and, I volunteered to work in the infirmary, but pretty soon the infirmary was filled, they started keeping people in the hallway, and finally they just ended up leaving them in their beds, I was all over the place. People dropping like flies. Everytime someone coughed or sneezed, everbody'd get nervous. I been smoking since I was 16, so I cough my lungs out every morning. "People was looking at me like I was Death Incarnate. But I never caught it, not even once. And I was all around the sick, I was taking the bodies out to the truck outside the gate. Could've run but I didn't. Only had a few years left. It worked in my favor. They cut the last three years off my sentence, put me on supervised release and now, here I am, 36 years old, and just starting my adult life." "Rossi got let out of lockup right before lockdown, poor bastard. Me, him, and my Dad all quarantined at Ma's, but of course, you know, me and Dad was essential workers so at least I got to get out of the house everyday. I graduated early, at 16, been working seven days a week since." I glanced at the glass on the table. "So let's get back to your story." She shook her head, lips pursed again. "Uh-uh, you're not wasting anymore time. Take the blood, but first," she reached out, quicker than I could even register, and used her thumbs to set my broken nose back straight. I let out a yell, momentarily unable to see as my eyes filled with tears. "Jesus wept, Becca, fucking hell, goddamn." "Sorry. It would've hurt more if you'd known it was coming. Besides, you're a good looking guy, Tony, you don't wanna ruin your face." "Thanks, B," I muttered as I pressed the toilet paper back to my freshly bleeding nose, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Need a haircut though." "Nah, you oughta keep it. It's very The Dark Knight Joker, just black, not blonde and green." I laughed quietly. "Not sure that's the best association, B. A little too psychotic and violent." She raised an eyebrow at me. "Alright, alright. It's probably an accurate association, just a little less arson and murder." I sighed and looked at the scotch glass. "So how do I do this, B?" "Think about it like a tequila shot. Take the shot and then slip the guard in quick. Then sit back, try to relax." I nodded and grabbed the glass before I lost my nerve. I raised it in her direction. "Saluti." "Geonbae." She responded.