Brothers are out here are trying to crack the fucking Da Vinci code to win the affection of womenfolk, meanwhile other brothers are naturally attracting ladies by being unapologetically themselves.
Case in point: I know a knuckledragger who has little emotional intelligence or self-awareness (or at least he doesn't show it) and a dimwitted demeanor akin to James Franco in the Pineapple express. He's got a stable but low paying and unglamorous job, and he's a bit above average in the looks department but not nearly handsome enough to counteract the aforementioned issues... only they rarely prove to be issues since he seems to be able to attract casual partners and longer term partners much more easily than some of us would assume based on complex calculations using the Fibonacci sequence and Hipparchus' star charts and whatnot.
Anyhow, as far as I can tell there's no sorcery at work, the fact is he's just being himself - or more accurately the character mold of what I would call your average blue collar sports fan in the city I live in. He essentially says and does what he wants when he wants, doesn't seem to have any grand plan, and I would eat my shoe if I were to learn that he had ever looked for advice on a dating forum or referred to a guide of some sort.
There's some definite je ne sais quoi to be felt whenever anyone is being unapologetically themselves - even if it isn't exactly appreciated and even if there isn't any real wit or charm to them. Conversely it's difficult to be truly charismatic when one is attempting to play a game of sorts, it's usually perceptible, and is partly what people refer to casually when they say 'the vibe was off'.
An obvious yet crucial point to bear in mind is that some men simply have personalities which are naturally aligned with that which a large portion of women are drawn toward - even if it includes some less politically or socially acceptable elements and even if they'd be loathe to admit or perhaps even unable to consciously rationalize their attraction.
Some guys - many guys - are quite effortlessly drawing women in by being brash and assertive, lustful and a bit vulgar, by engaging with their manly sports and hobbies, getting inked and shaving their head and so on - It wouldn't be quite right to say it all comes naturally because it's socially conditioned, but it doesn't involve painstaking strategizing and planning when it comes to courtship, and I think that has an enormous impact both in rendering them more charismatic and in helping them to avoid a lot of the burnout that comes with the more calculated approach.
Of course this personality profile is going to absolutely repel certain types of women, just as a meek and geeky personality will repel certain types of women (perhaps not as viscerally but it will dry them up like the Atacama) but in general, if a guy isn't equipped with many of the traditional / prototypical male traits and behaviors, even the arguably cunty ones, they're effectively playing the game on a harder difficulty.
So, what's to make of all this?
I suppose it supports the view that we'd be better off sticking to our guns and accepting that we won't find appeal with most women, just as we aren't attracted to the majority of women we cross paths with.
It's possible to fake it and make it - I have a close friend who did exactly this with a lady with whom he was (as much as I revile the idea of dating tiers) punching well above his weight... in fact he lied about a range of things relating to his lifestyle and work to try and position himself in the most flattering light, as he knew her preferred type. They dated, he got crushed by the guilt and burden of keeping up the charade, came clean, they very nearly parted ways but ultimately remained together. Seems like a lot more trouble than its worth, not to mention it's pathetic, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't lose a bit of respect for him.
Most likely the optimal strategy is to identify and remedy a few pain points that are likely to be posing the biggest blockades to connecting with women - in my case this involves things such as oversharing personal information too soon (including mental health struggles) and hesitation around physical escalating (it doesn't come naturally so I need to consciously remind myself to be more touchy) - being the most appealing version of yourself, not acting like somebody else.
I was going to delete this after realizing it's all so obvious, but it's written now so I'm posting it

This time of year, I’m feeling weird, might be allergies Wanna move out, but if I move out, who’ll be proud of me? Thank God I’m made, from men that are great, put that crown on me Thank God I’m made, from Brendon Urie
I always say, just what’s on my brain, because you always do You are really, so special to me, you’re a real cool dude Look at this mess, this is my life, and it’s permanent Look at this mess. Wake up, Mr. Met

Foundations of Humanity 26 (First Impressions) - an NoP fanfic
Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for establishing the Nature of Predators Universe, and for allowing Fanfics to flourish!
Thank you again, u/Braquen, u/Acceptable_Egg5560, u/Liberty-Prime76 and u/BiasMushroom721 for proofreading! This is my side of the Nature of a Giant crossover!
Huu boi this got to 34k characters, so had to split the chapter. Hooray making a backlog!
First - Previous - [Next]
Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 3rd Claw
I thought of happy memories of the last time my class and I had visited, “I couldn’t figure it out last time, but I was just a pup with a bunch of other pups back then. I know it has something to do with reattaching lines in the right configuration, but every time I got close--”
A black mass. A yawning, toothy pit! Hungry barks! “Teeth! TEETH! PREDATOR!”
I could see the beast’s gaping maw crawling forward to swallow me whole! I couldn’t let it get me! It would eat me! I couldn’t stop my momentum; I just kept getting closer to the inky void and gnashing teeth! I collided with the predator and thrashed and flailed against its wild mane, before my back legs found purchase and I launched myself back from whence I came.
Maeve’s voice shouted from behind just before her arm wrapped around me and halted my retreat, “What the hell, Valek? There’s no Predators he-EOLY SHIT!”
Finding sanctuary against my mate, I found my voice once more. “Big! Teeth! Call the Exterminators! Help! Teeth!” I thrashed in Maeve’s arm, trying to scratch at my prowling assailant.
A voice echoed from near the threat as another form appeared. “What happened?” A human? Another threat? He’s near the predator! He was looking at us! “Y’all okay?” His head turned toward the beast. “You okay?”
“I’m fine! Mostly surprised!” It imitated a Venlil with its movements, but I knew better! “It’s okay! I’m not here to hurt you!”
It was toying with us! Trying to get us off-guard! “Don’t eat us!” Protect your mate! “She’s dealt with Predators already! You’ll be sorry!”
I suddenly felt Maeve shake me. “That’s enough, Valek; get a hold of yourself.”
Get a hold of myself? Doesn’t she realize the threat? The-
“You forgot to say I should be set on fire, or that I’m a freak of nature.” I heard the beast say, now grabbing the edges of the hallway. “In case you need suggestions for insults.”
My voice faltered as I tried to understand it. The words were there, but my mind just couldn’t accept them. Maeve fell silent above me, but continued to hold me fast.
The other human brought itself beside the giant, “Oh my! ‘Nother human! Howdy there!” He raised his hand to his head, touching two fingers to his forehead, then flicking them in our direction. A gesture of greeting.
My ears snapped to the human as I tried to reconcile the friendly gesture amid my panic. Maeve, however, was undeterred and floated past me, coming closer to the monster. Alvi held my shoulder, and supported us against a nearby rope.
“Wow! You… You’re huge!” She had that same wonder in her voice that she always had when she found something new.
In response, I heard the familiar whistle of a Venlil laugh. It was coming from the… it’s a Venlil? “Yes. It’s a condition.”
Maeve continued her approach. She didn’t look the least bit afraid. Even though her arm remained in a cast; a cast given to her by the last predator she tangled with. But continue, she did. “I didn’t know Venlil could display gigantism! That’s incredible!”
I blinked. Gigantism? The translator was unhelpfully vague, something about making things big. The giant seemed similarly confused, “I’m sorry, my translator didn’t quite get that. Display what?”
Maeve reached back to us and I took her hand, and Alvi’s in my other, before she pulled us with her along the corridor. “Gigantism. It’s when a tumor grows on the pituitary gland controlling growth hormones, which causes it to overproduce. It can cause people to grow extremely tall.”
The creature’s confusion seemed to grow, though its body wobbled along with its tail; excitement? “Humans have Marklen-Jauntes syndrome??” Maeve asked for clarification before it continued, “Marklen-Jauntes Syndrome, named after twin giants. Its symptoms are basically exactly what you described!”
Maeve clapped her hands together with a quiet snap, “Oh! It sure sounds like it!”
The giant pushed off from the doorway, and Maeve pulled us into the boxy junction. Their conversation faded in my ears as the realization hit me. It was a syndrome. A medical condition. Maeve had moved to float around the giant as she and the other pair began talking in earnest. I felt Alvi squeeze my paw. “Valek. You okay there?”
My ears fell in worry, “I… I don’t know. I mean look at it! How can Maeve not be terrified of that?”
Alvi ran her paw through the fur on my shoulder, “I think she may have seen worse by now.”
The memory of those shadestalkers on the ground, and Maeve’s shriek of furious pain on the wind sent a chill down my spine. “But shouldn’t that make her more cautious? Make sure that doesn’t happen again?”
Alvi tapped the tuft of her tail against me, a lilt of humor on her voice, “If Maeve were cautious, do you think she would have joined the program? Or came to the Berrypatch?”
I pulled Alvi tighter against me; she was absolutely right. My attention drifted back to their conversation; they were talking about the medical issues of giants. I fully focused on what they were saying as Maeve was finishing her thought,
“... Hopefully, with the Venlil's help, that will change!"
The giant’s ears fell in...shame? It has shame? “You would have to keep it secret. If it was known it was to help giants, the Venlil might refuse.”
Hold on, we would gladly help! “W-we wouldn’t!” The giant’s eyes and ears focused on me, while Maeve and the other human turned to face me. "Our people wouldn't keep secrets like that just because they're big! We may not be the ones in the clinic, but we would gladly offer medicine and equipment.”
The giant let out a deep huff, as if I told a bad joke! “Sir… I’m guessing you haven’t heard of me. Is that correct?”
“N-no?” My tail curled around Alvi and I at my admission. “Should I…?”
The giant’s massive tail swayed behind them, “I guess introductions are in order. My name is Tarlim.”
“The Venbig!” The human announced with a flourish while he slowly floated past ‘Tarlim’s’ front, while the latter whistled in amusement.
“Yes. The ‘Venbig.’ And the Texan there is Jacob.” I saw his tail wag at the name. A sign of fondness for a friend. “May I know who all of you are?”
“I am Maeve, a pleasure to meet you,” She nodded, as she shifted her grip on the rope to reveal Alvi and I behind her. “This is Valek, my exchange partner,” I reflexively flicked my ears in acknowledgment, “And this is Alvi, a close friend of ours.”
Alvi hadn’t moved much beyond floating. She had one eye turned to stare fully at the giant, but otherwise seemed to have locked up, as she had before.
The giant, Tarlim, returned our greeting with a polite bow as he steadied himself on some overhead netting. “Good to meet you. Now, the reason I asked is this: I was imprisoned in a correctional facility before I was able to escape.”
Escape?! I exclaimed, in thought and in voice, “Y-You escaped??”
The giant tried to deceive us, but it couldn’t keep its condition a secret! I put myself between it and Alvi, “Get away from him! He’s dangerous!”
Maeve tried to be kind, “Valek if he’s here I would hardly think-”
But she didn’t know what that meant! We made a promise that we would teach each other about our people, even the bad parts. I had to warn her about it! “Correctional Facilities are where we put dangerous Venlil! People with Predator Disease who have shown themselves to be a threat to the Herd! We try to teach them how to live with the Herd, but if he escaped? He's gotta be dangerous if he had to break out!” I kept the threatening beast in my sight as I put myself between them and my herd.
The beast crouched threateningly, Fixing me with a predatory stare as its ears locked onto me, “Dangerous? Do you know what they put me through in there? The people running those places are monsters!”
“They help people!” I protested, amazed that someone could see their own care as harmful. “They treat people so they are safe around the herd!”
“Oh, HA!” The beast’s face cracked in an angry snarl, “You must feel so safe when we’re strapped into chairs and electrified! Or jammed into rooms where the only safe floor is too small for everyone! It must be soooo perfect to hear about that!”
“Th… That…” They WHAT?! No! “No! Even if that were true, it would be to teach you to stick together! They… They wouldn’t do something like that if it didn’t work!” …right?
A tiny voice spoke behind me, but the beast bore down on my senses, “Stick together! Suuuure!” It’s tail lashed behind it. It was going to pounce! “That’s why they tried to kill me for making sure more people could fit in the Circle! And obviously the electric chair was for proper fear response! That's why they commissioned a chair with enough voltage to fry me from the inside out!”
“Electric chair? You were in an electric chair?” That same tiny voice. Alvi’s words pulled me from my maelstrom and I reached for salvation. I needed Maeve.
“Yes!” The Giant had turned his attention to Alvi as I flew towards my human. “I have been put in that-”
“I saw you on the TV!”
I was wrapping myself around Maeve when Alvi said that. She… saw him? He was on TV? All of us had fallen silent to watch her, including the giant.
“Which part?” It asked with a heavy breath. “The final judgment? The election debates?” I heard a whimper coming from its throat. “When… when my father…?”
Father? It had a father? Wait, why is that a surprise? They were born, so they must have had one.
Alvi spoke with what kindness she could, “I don’t remember much. I was still just a pup when the trial started, but I remember seeing your photo on the TV. My parents didn’t let me watch it after that. I started to research it after I moved out, that’s when I saw the Chair.”
I heard the giant growl. “That Brahking photo! They were so proud to hold me up even though I couldn’t!” Their attention swung back to me. “I don’t suppose, mister Valek, that was also justified?”
I stood tall at the challenge. This… They would not get past me. “I…! I don’t know about any photo! My Family doesn't have a TV, just a radio.”
They flicked their ears dismissively, before bringing them back to Alvi. Was it… kinder? When it was addressing her? “So you saw the chair.” They sighed. “It was only shown after the trial was done. Then you had to have seen what that management did. Instead of letting the place be investigated, they drove all the inmates outside so they could cause chaos! And slipped away while everyone was trying to figure out what happened!” It whistled a derisive laugh, “What about the crimes revealed? Producing and testing drugs to sell on the streets? How the sessions were altered for higher voltage? Oh! And do I even need to mention what happened to the women there?”
Its eye never left me, and I shrunk beneath it while Alvi spoke behind me, “No. No you don’t. What happened there was terrible, there’s no grooming that!”
“Worthy of the Arxur!” It huffed again. “What a title for that place. And you know what the worst part is?” It pointed directly at me with its primary claw; the insult clear in its seething voice. Singling me out as outside of the Herd. “I was in there because of that! Not some test, not Predator Disease, just stupid people Scared. O-Of. My. Size!!”
The rage in its throat was broken by its sobs, as its eyes bubbled with gathered tears, unable to fall for lack of gravity. This thing was crying? It had family, and it cried from remembered pain?
Maeve pushed off of her line, and drifted to the giant, her hand curling around their pointed claw and putting its paw back to their chest. Her words were quiet, a sharp contrast to the giant’s anguish. “I think that’s enough of that. I’m sorry that we had a rough start. We were in the wrong, and it wasn’t, and isn’t, ok for us to react like we did.”
We weren’t wrong! Look at it! How can we be wrong to be careful around something that could eat us without a thought?
I bet your dad thought the same thing.
The thought stopped my heart and flared my wool. When I saw it - No. Saw Him. - when I saw him I scratched and kicked, and I came out unscathed. He hadn’t so much as taken a single step toward us. Only talking. What happened? Why was I so afraid…
Maeve’s voice continued as my thoughts swirled, “We… are sorry for what happened, and want to make it right. I don’t want to intrude any more on your day with your partner, but can we treat you to something here? Valek tells me they have really good fried veg? I’ve never had Venlil Tempura before.”
Why is this familiar? What about this fear… The Meetup.
It-He… Tarlim? Heaved and hacked against waning sobs, barely croaking, “Y-You…you can’t make it right,” the words were only a whisper; barely captured at this distance. “This, all this, just made you more afraid of me. E-Every moment would be forced and shamed. Not genuine.”
This is the same fear I felt when I met Maeve. The same fear that was wrong. Fundamentally and completely. This fear…
Maeve answered without pause, “I think we could surprise you. But I won’t press it. Before I let you go, I’d like to end on a good…noooote…” Maeve checked her empty pockets, as her voice grew a more boisterous timbre, “ah man, I left my pad in the locker. Anyway, you’re way fluffier than the average Venlil, aren’t you? Well, humans have recorded something else called Hypertrichosis; Jacob may know it as Werewolf Syndrome. It manifests in humans as rapid and thick hair growth over their entire body! Jacob can show you when you get back to your pads. ”
Tarlim’s tail thrashed in distrust, but it-NO! HIS! ears fluttered, giving away their conflict. Maeve turned away and pulled herself back down the corridor we came from, scooping up Alvi and I as she passed. But I pulled away from her hand, meeting the eye of the giant.
Nothing about this fear is real. Who I am and what I do is MY CHOICE, and I had the gall to forget that.
“I reacted to you the same way I reacted to seeing Maeve for the first time - well, her hair, anyway. I’ve tried to be better, but I mess up sometimes. I’m… I’m sorry I messed up with you.”
I pushed off down the hall, and met my herd before we continued on.
“Wait!” We found our anchors, and turned to meet the bellowed plea. Tarlim dried his tears on his wool, before looking back at us. “There's a food court near the arcade.” Barely a pause as Tarlim took another breath; the same one I take when I make a Choice. “If we see each other there maybe… maybe we can start over…”
My mouth cracked in a human smile, and my tail swayed at the invitation. “I think I’d like that.”
Tarlim returned our kindness as we floated back down the corridor.
I wanted to just get back to having fun. I had come here with Maeve and Alvi to get away from reactions like that! Not… Not Be the reaction! This was- this was a vacation! Please just…
Breathe.
In. and Out. The Paw is not gone. We can make this work.
“Hey, Valek?” It was Maeve. My love, and my Choice. Her mask met my eye as I spun to meet her. “Are you OK?”
“I will be. I’m sorry for how I reacted.” I feigned a joyful flick and invited them to follow, “Come on! We can take another path and find something fun that way.” I floated ahead of my herd and led the way.
I checked behind me at the next turn and they were following a distance behind. Alvi showed her concern with her tail, while Maeve was unreadable through her mask. It was ok, we can put this behind us once we find something else to occupy us.
Well that was a disaster.
The Maze was more of a problem then I expected it to be. The maze itself was easy enough, but the ‘puzzle rooms’ turned out to be all of the rooms, but they were randomly activated. Sometimes we would fly into a room and it would shift color, pulling the supports into the wall and starting to list the game rules. The last room before we got out kept shifting the gravity, so by the time we made it to the exit we were exhausted in mind and body. Well, Alvi and I were. I don’t believe I had seen Maeve so energized.
“Wanna go again?!” Her voice was bubbling with sarcasm, and she couldn't contain her mischievous cackle when Alvi and I met her mask and signaled an emphatic No! In unison.
She pulled Alvi against her and asked her to hold on, quickly doing the same to me. She pushed off from the Maze exit to the open air in the center. She did the same kick as back in the maze and we started to spin, at which Maeve let go of the two of us to slow our inertia. We spun there together, holding paws and hands, before I spoke into the space between us.
“I’m sorry that I ruined the day. I thought we could go back to having fun, but I spoiled the mood.”
Maeve spoke first, “It’s alright Valek,”
Then Alvi, “It may not have been the best start, but he offered to try again.”
Maeve squeezed my paw and met my eye, “And I look forward to it. That's all we can really do: move forward.” She pulled us back into a tight hug, “Thank you, both of you, for a wonderful day.”
An angry gurgle bubbled up from our embrace, and Maeve continued, “But I could really do with a proper meal. Valek, you mentioned something about fried veg?”
I pulled away and looked around at the various signage, pointing at the exit we had entered from. “The food court connects with the Visor Arcade, so we can go out the way we came in.”
“Alright! Alvi, you hold on, and Valek? Don’t.”
“What?”
Maeve kicked her legs again and set us spinning quickly, before flinging me in the direction of the exit, and she and Alvi the opposite way. I may or may not have squealed in terror during my hasty flight.
I was able to catch a support line as I passed. I looked out to see that Maeve had done the same, and was just pushing off to come my direction; Alvi was completely wrapped around her torso, like she was caught out in Galetime.
My tail thrashed behind me in admonishment when Maeve was in ear-sense. “You evil woman! You could have killed me!”
I could hear her - no, Alvi! - giggling as they floated over! She was having the time of her life! Maeve defended herself breathlessly, “Oh, come on, that was barely a brisk walk. I knew you’d correct yourself, that’s why I threw you instead of Alvi.”
I hit the pad and opened the bulkhead as they met me, Maeve barely correcting against a passing line to float cleanly through the threshold. Alvi disengaged once we were all inside. “Also because I’m her favorite.”
I flattened my ears in playful anger while she stuck her tongue out at me, and Maeve spoke up from the button. “Now, now, children, I love you both equally. One is just a little more biblical than the other.”
A little more religious? What?
“But I think it is time to come back to earth.” her hand hovered over the button while Alvi and I found our supports.
A button pressed, a growing hum, and our feet met the floor … Eventually. We had forgotten to remember that the floor was White, so we all collapsed on the semi-soft ground head-first. Thank the Sun for padding!
“Okay!” I heard Alvi comment, “Seems we’ve been re-educated on where the ground is.” She stood, shaking her wool. “Wish it hadn’t been a crash course.”
Maeve cackled from the floor as I stood, “HaHa! Multilingual pun! I love it!”
She was still giggling when we walked over to help her up. We were just dusting ourselves and flattening errant tufts when the exit hatch opened, and we stepped outside.
Alvi was last to step over the bulkhead, nearly tripping as her paw caught its lip. Having recovered, she asked, “Anything else you would like to do before lunch Maeve?”
Maeve took a quiet breath as we all waved an excited goodbye to Shishi, cold can of Sprunk in paw. “Speaking from experience, if we wanna do VR, and I kinda do, eating before may be unwise.”
Having reached our locker, I waited for Maeve to don her burka, “The Visor Arcade is on the way, and I’d love to show you this quick sightseeing game. It’s pretty basic, but it will show a few other Federation Homeworlds too!”
Maeve’s voice lit up, and I regretted that her eyes were hidden, as I knew they were shining! “I can see More worlds?! Yes, please! Let’s do that!” Maeve bounded forward almost to around the corner. “Uh… Where is it?”
I flicked my tail teasingly, “It is where we are going. You shouldn’t go running off, you know how strangers are.”
Maeve stood at the corner with her good hand on her hip, “Well then be a good boy and lead the way!”
I could feel my snout quickly blooming.
Oh, that’s not fair.
First - Previous - [Next]

I have been the forever DM for several years with this particular group. We recently finished our first Campaign in a homebrew world and are about 4 months (real world time) into our second campaign. They have just reached level 4 and decided to take a Hags offer to “play her game” for a possible boon at the end. I, thankfully, established prior to them entering the game that death within was not permanent, but that every death came with long lasting consequences. So here’s what happened.
They take a carrousel ride into a pocket plane and instantly are met with a fight. The Carrousel is a trap (but does not do damage) the enemies are 2 fighter (35hp each with 2 attacks per round and a plus 3 to hit) and a Wizard (30hp and spells up to level 3 and a spell DC13) I have seen this group of PC’s deal with significantly harder encounters and assumed this would be a quick fight for them. It is well established that death is a very real possibility in my world and they are all aware of this, but the dice gods were not on their side this day.
Round 1: Athletics check against being grappled by the carrousel’s mechanics DC12. The Druid rolls a 13 and escapes wild shaping into a bear. The fighter, sorcerer, cleric & artificer all fail and are restrained. Roll20 rolls do not improve for them and they do 0 damage and No one escapes through this round of combat. The enemy fighter roll nat 17-19 on all attacks against the group.
Round 2: still restrained by the Carrousel it quick spins the 4 PC’s requiring a Con-save DC10. The Artificer and Cleric fail and are stunned until the end of their next turns. The Fighter manages to break free of the carrousel with the only PC Roll above 7 for the round. The enemy wizard cast a homebrew version of entangle with an AOE effect as a 3rd level spell (20 foot area with a dex save DC13 and the area becomes difficult terrain. On a fail it does 3d8 damage, The Fighter, Druid and Artificer all fail and Roll20 rolled max damage (8+8+8=24) The 2 enemy fighters then took there attacks 1 crit and 3 rolls all 17 or higher + modifiers. By the end of round 2 the Druid, Artificer and Cleric were all down, the fighter was low HP and the sorcerer was still restrained.
Round 3 the Bad guys cleaned house killing the remaining player with relative ease including another Critical Hit on the Sorcerer
As stated above death was not permanent, but there are consequences. Every time they die the Hag gets a little more of them.
TLDR: In 3 rounds of combat using roll20: My 5 Player managed to roll above a 10 on the dice 5 times. The DM’s lowest rolls were two 15 with all other rolls being a 17+ which included 3 natural 20. Resulting in a TPK against what should have been a relatively simple combat encounter for 5 level 4 PCs

Because I grew up by myself, I’ve been competing with adults since I was 13 and this basically stripped me of my childhood. Instead of playing or doing regular kid things, I had this warped perception due to internet overexposure of how I should be performing in comparison to people twice or three times my age. Most of my childhood was spent either reading, studying, working out or training martial arts and just generally building a massive foundation to build upon.
Here’s the problem: Yes I have this great foundation to work with, but I also deeply, deeply regret not just being a kid and putting so much pressure on myself. As a result of the emotional and physical stress I would put myself in, people would guess I was a 19-22 y/o and I could never build connections deeper than surface level with people my age OR people older than me. I learned eventually to just lie about my age and started getting taken more seriously.
I’ve recently turned 18 now, and am living by myself working full time in a new country. Naturally I’m doing what I’ve always done and am trying to compete with much older, more established and experienced men.
I genuinely don’t know whether or not I’m repeating the same mistakes I made with my childhood or if I’m on the right track still. It’s deeply disorienting having everyone congratulate you on your achievements, making you feel happy and proud, but also feeling incredibly saddened by the fact that you’re potentially missing out on everything being a teenager is about.
TLDR; I’ve been trying to compete with adults since I was 13 and missed my childhood because of it which I still deeply regret. Now I’m a successful, well built, educated 18 year old in my favourite career path and have a choice to make: I can continue down the path of continual “self improvement” I’m currently on and be set for life very earlier but at the cost of potentially making the same mistakes twice and never experiencing being a real “teenager”.
If anyone has experienced similar, or currently lives with similar regrets I’m in need of your advice please. Thank you :)

My name is Shinji “新ニ“. This happened to me more than 15 years ago when I was still living in Japan as an elementary school student.
Interestingly, the catalyst for this event was the discovery of a porn magazine.
Weird I know, just bear with me until the end.
My grandparents used to live in a small isolated town called Ogawa-Machi (小川町) in the Saitama Prefecture. My parents and I would visit them often since my parents owned a junkyard nearby. My dad used to buy used cars and sell their parts overseas.
I enjoyed visiting the junkyard since it had ample space to play. I especially enjoyed it when my dad bought a used car since I could scavenge inside for coins and other things that the previous owner left behind. I would usually just find trash but when I was lucky I would find some 10 yen coins or sometimes 100 yen coins that I usually ended up using it for drinks in the vending machine.
One day I was visiting the junkyard with my parents and a friend from elementary school. Me and my friend were scavenging one of the newly arrived used cars when he hit the jackpot. BAM! We found a porn magazine. We looked at each other and took a peek inside the magazine. We started laughing and when we noticed my parents heading towards us, I hid the magazine deep inside my backpack. We forgot about it and continued with our day.
In the evening, I went to my grandparent's house with my parents and my friend to stay for the night. I grabbed my backpack to look for a change of clothes. I dumbed everything on the floor and from the very bottom of my backpack, the magazine fell. I was greeted with some Japanese titties and a bushy beaver. I panicked. I put the magazine back into my backpack and hid it under my bed.
It was too risky to keep it in my bag since I never knew when my mom will open it. She might open it just to make sure I didn’t pick up any trash from the junkyard and try to take it home. I was too paranoid to hide it in my grandparent's house as well. I still wanted to look at it of course so I decided that I would take the magazine into the woods located behind my grandparent's house where I can slowly look at it and just hide it there afterward.
I told my friend about my plan of hiding the magazine deep inside woods. We were both excited. We wanted to take a look at the magazine but also venturing into the woods at night sounded like an exciting adventure.
That night when everyone was sleeping, I grabbed the magazine and a flashlight and me and my friend snook out of my room's window. (I made sure to leave the window open beforehand just to make sure to not make a sound when everyone was asleep)
I would probably be scared if I was by myself. But with my friend by my side, I was excited and eager to go into the woods for an adventure. My grandparents never let me go into the woods. Not even during the day which made no sense to me. So this was actually my first time venturing deep into the woods. We both took a deep breath and sneaked into the woods.
We walked for just about a couple of minutes when we found a big tree. We hid behind it and took our time looking at the magazine. After enjoying ourselves for about 30 minutes or so looking at them Japanese titties, we decided that we had enough and it was time to find a place to hide it.
It was hard to find a place to hide it since the entire woods looked the same. Most trees were of the same kind and size. There was nothing we could use as a marker to hide it. After looking for a while, curiosity got the better of us so we decided to go way deeper into the woods. The deeper we hid it the better we thought. We could kinda see the town lights far away so we knew which direction to go back to if we ventured too far inside. We walked for a couple of minutes making sure to look back once in a while to see if we can see the town lights to make sure we knew which way to head back to. We were about to give up on finding a good place since we were so tired. I told my friend that he could keep the magazine so we should head back. As we were about to head back, I noticed something white on the ground. After careful inspection, we noticed that it was just a receipt from the supermarket. However, we found it weird since it meant that someone has been here. We looked around to see if we found something else but we found nothing except for some stones. Finding some stones may seem normal, but we noticed that it was the first time we saw some stones in these woods. We walked towards it and grabbed a couple of them thinking that we could maybe use it as a marker to identify where we hid the magazine. However, as we walked towards it we noticed some more stones further away. We walked towards the next set of stones and noticed more stones further away. It seemed to us like someone was using the stones as breadcrumbs to mark a trail.
​
We kept following the stones until we finally reached an open area. The first thing we noticed was the three big stones with carvings on it. The carvings were some Japanese symbols(kanji) that I could not read. The only kanji I could read was "二” which symbolized the number "2". I was able to read it since numbers are one of the first kanji you learn in school. Oddly enough, all three of the stones had the kanji "2" on them. Also, we noticed that one of the stones had some flowers, a small glass container of milk, and a small car toy next to it. Even as kids, we knew that this was some kind of gravestone. We were absolutely terrified that we both run back in the same direction we came from.
We reached my grandparents' home and snook into the window of my room. We made some noise which woke up my parents. They came rushing inside our room asking what happened. They noticed that we had our dirty shoes on and realized that we were outside. We were so terrified that we told them the truth. Surprisingly, they were not mad at us. They just stayed with us until me and my friend fell asleep.
The next day, my friend went back home. My parents did not talk about what happened the night before. They just acted as if nothing happened.
I never went back to my grandparents' house again after that. I also knew that my mother was having frequent discussions with my grandmother. After a while, me and my family moved overseas. I did not mention it before but I have two sisters. One older than me and one younger.I forgot about all these until I was around 15 or 16 years old. It was around this age that my parents told me I was adopted. It was a shock but I love my parents and still consider them my real parents. Honestly, it kind of made sense since I had curly hair and double eyelids unlike my parents and my sisters who had straight hair and single eyelids. I know most people are expecting a step-sibling erotic situation but nothing like that happened.I had also noticed something about my family. Everyone from my mother's side was female. My mother had a little sister but no brother. My aunt (mom's little sister) had two daughters. I also noticed something very interesting. My mothers name is 一禾 (Ichika) and my aunts name is 三久 (Miku). My mom's name contains the kanji "一” symbolizing the number "1". My aunt's name has the kanji "三" which symbolizes the number "3". I didn't think too much of it until one day it hit me. I realized that the carvings on the tombstones were names. The gravestones on my grandparent's woods all contained the kanji "二” symbolizing the number "2". Probably symbolizing the second offspring. Also, the car toy placed next to one of the gravestones probably meant that the gravestone was made for a boy. This meant that my mom probably had a younger brother with the kanji "二” on his name symbolizing he was the second offspring. My aunt probably had another son that passed away as well .The three tombstones now made sense. One for grandparents' son, one for my aunt's son, and one for my mother's son. It seems that the second offspring in my family is always a male and he always passes away. Another creepy thing I noticed was my name. My name is Shinji. In kanji it's "新二”. "新” means "New" and as mentioned before "二” means "2".
Finally, I just wanted to say that my sister got married a couple of years ago and had a daughter named Kazumi “一美”. She says she wants more children. I am not sure if I should let her know about my discovery. Please advice.

One thing I can't stop thinking about: all that really happened this episode was....exactly what the siblings were originally planning to have happen at the beginning of the season, pre-Logan's death. The deal goes through, and they get to take several billion dollars each of the money and do whatever they want with it. The only material difference to them is that they're actually getting more money than they originally expected because Roman and Kendall were able to convince Mattson to raise the price.
So in theory, this is not a terrible outcome for them. They could go ahead with buying PGN. They could start The Hundred or whatever other business venture of their own. In theory, Kendall could take his business experience and go "make his own bag" - it probably wouldn't be as successful as Waystar because he's not the businessman Logan was, but it would be something, and he'd probably be less likely to continue losing his humanity along the way than he would be as Waystar CEO, if he weren't trying to literally fill Logan's shoes.
Similarly, in theory, this isn't terrible for Shiv. Not because I think she'll get any real power out of being CEO-Tom's wife or the mother of his child or anything like that, but simply because I don't think she was ever actually all that invested in Waystar to begin with. She started the show with a successful career outside the company, and when she came in, it seemed like she was driven more by her need for Logan's attention/approval than because being a CEO was a job she truly aspired to. Similarly, she was the most willing to sell to Mattson at the beginning of the season, even before she started angling for the whole "American CEO" thing. I honestly think she would have been happy to take the money and leave...up until she realized that her brothers were going behind her back, at which point anything less than defeating them and taking what they wanted started feeling like "losing" to them, which she couldn't bear. She's always been the least connected to Waystar, so in that sense, she's losing the least by handing it to Mattson and Tom and taking the $$$.
As for Roman, we've seen that he couldn't handle the pressure. If they'd gone through with the deal, Kendall would have crushed him. There's no way that would have ended well for him, IMO. I think he realizes that on some level, which is why he's more-or-less okay ending up back where he started.
But Shiv and Kendall? Both miserable. Because in practice, they are both still trapped in the cycle. Kendall doesn't just want to be a successful businessman - he wants to be Logan reincarnated, and anything less than that feels worse than death to him. Shiv will probably be more okay than he will be, just for the reason I mentioned above that she was never as invested in Waystar as he was, but she definitely doesn't feel like she "won". She got to play kingmaker, but only after being forced to accept she could never be the queen. Like Kendall, she has the money to go off and do whatever she wants, but also like him, she convinced herself that the only real prize is being Logan's successor. That isn't true, but they both believe it, and so they're still trapped in the cycle even after Logan's death.
And, of course, after all the mutual backstabbing this season, it seems pretty unlikely that the siblings will team up to run PGN/The Hundred/whatever together. Kendall and Shiv and Roman could have had something good together, but even though they still have the skills and financial resources to do exactly what they were planning at the beginning of the season, their family dynamic is just too toxic for them to ever make it happen.
That's the real tragedy of the finale to me. Great stuff!

Hey guys , this community is built for men those who are interested to become a real man or living like a real man can join this community

This post is the final part of this story. Sorry it has taken so long to get through. And I'm not sure I even understand all of it yet. If you're new, this all started here. The previous part (Part 7) is here. Thank you to everyone who followed along.
-----
“Do you see her?” I asked in a meek voice.
“You mean that girl in black?” Harvey answered.
It was her, in the flesh. Her lips parted and formed a malevolent smile. Her dark eyes fixed on mine. My legs turned to solid lead. My feet refused to move. The anxiousness to reach Parker and Juliet and Beth in the cellar crumbled like the wood turning to ash behind us. She demanded my attention.
A hand rocked my shoulder. Harvey. I pushed him away.
“You have to go. Help them. I’ll take care of her.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be right behind you.”
A mirage of Harvey flitted past Ally and disappeared into the kitchen. Everything blurred, everything but her.
She tilted her head to one side and bridged the gap between us with four slow and deliberate steps. She pushed her right hand out from a long sleeve and ran the black painted nail of her index finger across my cheek, the smooth lacquer cold against my skin. I shuddered as the chill spread like ice creeping up a window.
“It is such a shame to be losing you so soon. We’ve only just met, and yet I feel like we’ve known each other our whole lives. Do you feel it too?”
I shook my head. “Let me go.”
“We’re past that now Sam. I considered if we could coexist, you and I. It gave me a thrill knowing there is another one out there like me. But you insist on meddling with my work.”
“You mean locking all those girls in that filthy dungeon where they met their end? And Jane here.”
“The work is sometimes unpleasant.”
“But the pay is good?”
“This isn’t about money Sam. You and I are the same. The pain you felt from not fitting in. The lonely nights lying awake, wishing you could be like everyone else. The stares and the whispers. The rejection from those who are supposed to love us the most. I too know. But where you hid, I searched out a path where my talents were appreciated and rewarded. You don’t hate me Sam. You hate yourself for not thriving like I have.”
“Thriving? Is that what you call it?”
“By all measures yes. I am good at what I do. The best. The only. Or so I thought. And then there is you. A naïve, sheltered little boy who can barely put on his own pants in the morning. It is such a shame. And these so-called friends of yours, that was always doomed to failure. Oh and if you harbour any thoughts of them escaping, know that we blocked the little secret entrance the stable boy showed you. There’s no escape except through the fire. When they pick through the ashes of this building they will find their bones, and yours. Is this how you imagined it turning out?”
I flexed the muscles in my legs, but they refused to move. Ally smiled.
“It’s useless now Sam.”
I heard the faint whisper of Juliet’s voice in my head. She pleaded with me. Come on Sam, you can do this. I remembered the last encounter with Ally, outside the wall separating Windhaven Manor from the world. Ally had put me in the white room. I had broken free. I had overcome her power once. I had to do it again.
I took a deep breath in through my nose and cried out and willed my feet to move. Electricity coursed through my body and I directed it down to the floor. My left heel separated from the floor and that set the whole thing in motion. The dam burst. I lurched forwards and overbalanced and sprawled to the floor.
Ally crouched beside me and chuckled. “Some would call it a tragedy for a child to die so soon after learning to walk.”
I looked back towards the front of the house. The fire burned hot. Thick black smoke circled up the huge open space of the gallery. Portraits hanging on the wall bubbled and curled as flames consumed them.
A figure appeared at the foot of the staircase. The spectre of Crown. The goons had dragged his lifeless corpse out of the house, but stood before me was the spirit with unfinished business. The ugliness of his actions showed through now in death. His skin was sallow and wrinkled. His head too big for his body and his teeth yellowed. A grotesque monster made worse by his mortal demise.
Ally whispered in my ear. “He knows it was your meddling that brought about his end. I’ll leave you two alone.”
She brushed my cheek with the back of her hand and stood. As she walked away leather straps materialised out of thin air and pinned my body to the floor.
The spectre of Crown grew before me, swelling in size until he had to crouch to stay below the chandelier. He clenched his fists and with burning red eyes let out a guttural growl that skipped my ears and penetrated directly into my skull.
I tried to pull my hands to my ears but they would not come. It made no difference. The roar coming from Crown stabbed the inside of my head like a thousand daggers. I lifted my head and the growl grew to a scream that ricocheted around the inside of my skull. I couldn’t take much more. It felt as though my head would explode.
Guilt bubbled up and mingled with the fear and I shrank into the floor and wished for it to swallow me. They were down there, the only friends I had known, banging against a locked door denying their escape. I sobbed. I sobbed like I had the night my parents turned from me.
In the pit of my stomach something else grew. A seed of frustration born of a lifetime existing in a world that didn’t make sense. A world where I had no idea who I was and what I could or should do. A world in which I hid. I couldn’t do that now.
Juliet’s voice as clear as day, cutting through the racket of Crown’s scream. Do it Sam. I gritted my teeth and electricity buzzed somewhere deep inside, at first dull and imperceptible, and then amplified and resonating until it peaked into a deafening roar.
Above Crown the bulbs in the chandelier glowed white. He swivelled his head and watched them dumbly.
I concentrated, felt the energy forming an extra limb. Like the arms and legs of a newborn it flailed spasmodically. I fought to control it, to turn it to my will. I focussed on the straps pinning me to the floor. The electricity fed into the straps and turned them hot. For a moment I feared they would scold my skin, and then in a moment of release they split and flung upwards.
I picked myself up off the floor and faced the spectre of Crown. Like a spent boxer throwing one final punch I threw out my hands and screamed, willing Crown to be quiet and be still. Demanding he be so.
The floor shook. The dozens of bulbs in the chandelier shattered. The giant spectre of Crown diminished and the screaming inside my head softened until it was no more. Crown’s eyes opened wide as his mouth stitched together and his arms wrenched behind his back. I flicked my hand like I was swatting a fly and Crown flew into the corner of the room and slumped to the floor.
I bent over and rested my hands on my knees. My muscles ached, like I had run a marathon. Shadows played on the floor. I sucked in air and smoke and spluttered and coughed.
In the hallway the silhouette of Ally. She turned and shook her head. The heat of the fire intensified and crackled at my skin. If we were to make our escape, she could not be here to block us. I straightened and strode towards her.
I cycled furiously through the events of the last few days, searching for something to defeat Ally. I had to do to her what she had done to me. The time for running and breaking her spells was through.
I closed my eyes and concentrated. I stripped away everything except for the two of us. The crackle of the fire replaced with silence. The smell of the smoke disappeared. The heat washed away. One by one I shut down all my senses. When I opened my eyes a monotone room of white. Sterile calm had replaced the burning insides of Windhaven Manor.
Her eyes scanned the room and she giggled. “Cheap tricks won’t get you far,” she said. “And you learned this one from me.”
The white rippled as if the walls were made of water. She was fighting it. I concentrated, focussing all my energy, all my will. The ripples slowed and then stopped.
“You’re a fast learner,” she said. “But I have been doing this for more than a weekend.”
Strips of colour permeated the white. A rectangle of tile appeared on the floor. And then some blue from the curtain. Enough of a smouldering wall to let in some smoke. The acrid smell reached my nose and I spluttered. As each wedge of colour appeared, I filled it back in white. But it was a sinking ship and the pail I held to bail out the water would not be enough.
Ally grunted under her breath. A grunt of frustration. The white room shook and made a sound like a train bearing down.
I had to bind her. I raised my palm and coils of rope rose from the ground and oscillated like snakes around her. She swatted them away and wrenched them from the ground and flung them at my feet, limp and unmoving.
“It won’t be that easy,” she sneered.
My arms jerked behind my back. She bound my wrists and then my ankles. She pursed her lips and blew as if extinguishing a single candle on a birthday cake, and it was enough to send me to the floor. I couldn’t do this on my own. I needed help.
I shut my eyes and concentrated my energy not on my bindings, but on the woods at the back of Windhaven Manor. On the girls who escaped the dungeon and now roamed the forest, watching the house burn from behind the barrier Ally constructed.
I fed the energy coursing through my body into the giant snowdome structure until it burned hot and then like the globes in the chandelier, it cracked and exploded into the night sky. The spirits of the girls watched the shards disappear and then strode towards the Manor.
I turned my attention to the tiny room beside the pantry, where Jane Laughlin lay bound to the bed. I stood beside her and lay my hand on the shackles binding her to the bed. She shuddered as the mask came free from her mouth and then stood as the shackles broke.
I opened my eyes and the white of the room flickered off and then back on again like bad reception on a television. I had to keep the white walls up long enough for them to draw near. For them to be ready when the façade fell. Ally strode towards me, exuding confidence.
“You can’t beat me Sam.”
Ally squeezed her hands into fists and screamed. In a burst of energy she wiped the white room clear and we were back in the burning house. The air was thick with smoke. Behind me a timber beam tumbled from the ceiling and crashed to the floor. The heat and smoke sucked the moisture from my insides and I heaved out a series of coughs.
Ally opened her eyes and smiled. She had bested me. But then they came. The girls from the dungeon and Jane Laughlin surrounded her. The sum total off all the pain and hurt inflicted in this place. Everything Ally had worked to keep hidden from the world.
They lurched at Ally. She raised her hands and pushed them back one by one as they went for her. She spun on the spot, trying to keep them at bay. She could not hold them all back. The sheer weight of numbers overwhelmed. They leaned in and pushed their heads into hers and showed her what those men had done. Made her feel it. The fear and despair and anger of each individual stacked together and Ally crumpled to the floor holding her head.
“Make it stop,” she said.
They kept at her.
Jane Laughlin sidled over to the base of the stairs where Crown sat, bound and with his mouth stitched. She considered him, restrained and helpless on the floor as she had been. He fought with his restraints, and then whimpered, as she had. As I ran for the pantry and the wine cellar, the corridor filled with the muffled sound of his screams.
The door to the cellar stood open and I made the descent of the stairs in three leaps. The enclosed space already full with smoke. At the end of the long corridor leading outside, Parker and Harvey shouldered the door. Juliet and Beth screamed encouragement. The door would not budge.
“We can’t go that way,” I yelled.
They raced back up the long corridor. A sudden rush of emotion bubbled up to the surface. I was so happy to see them all still alive. My lower jaw rattled and my hands shook. I fought to hide it.
Beth reached me first. “Sam, you’re ok.”
I blubbered a response and took in a lung full of smoke. We had to get out.
The fire raged outside the kitchen door. A wave of flame climbed up and spread across the ceiling. A subtle cracking sound from above intensified and a chunk of the upstairs floor came crashing down through the ceiling, blocking the rear door. We couldn’t get out the back. The only way now was back through the house. A ball of flame whooshed through the doorway and I put my arm up too late, my eyebrows wilting in the heat.
We crouched together in the middle of the kitchen, lowering our heads to get the last of the remaining oxygen. Malicious red flames and choking black smoke surrounded us on all sides.
“Where do we go now?” Parker’s words came out between coughs. Tears streaked down his cheeks. Soot covered his brow. I wished I had an answer.
Then he was there, standing over Parker’s shoulder. Leon. With the protective bubble gone, he too was free to come in the Manor.
“The fire has not yet consumed the dining room. But you don’t have long.”
I looked vaguely in the direction of the kitchen door and blinked back the stinging from the smoke. “I don’t think we can find it in this.”
“Follow me.”
I pulled my shirt up over my head. “We have to go. The dining room, we can make it. All together on three.”
I shouted out the numbers, the sound drowned out by the roar of the fire. I grabbed Beth’s hand and yanked her into action. Leon led the way and I kept my eyes on his heels. Together we were a flurry of arms and legs bounding for the dining room. I gritted my teeth against the heat. We burst through the doorway and everything turned orange.
From below the sweater pulled tight down over my hair, I shot a glance over to the floor of the grand gallery where I had left Ally writhing on the floor. She was not there now. Nor were the spectres of the girls.
I followed Leon’s heels into the dining room. The great wooden table smouldered in the centre of the room. Brilliant orange flames consumed the thick curtains. Parker spotted his camera still atop the tripod and set to pulling the camera free before Harvey grabbed his arm and yelled something that sounded like ‘leave it’.
Harvey grabbed one of the heavy chairs with their high backs and velvet cushions and heaved it at the window in the back corner of the room. The chair disappeared into the darkness of the night and Harvey kicked at the glass shards left behind. Parker joined. We piled out the opening.
I drank in the fresh cool air of night, staggering over the narrow path beside the house and to the small strip of grass beyond. Parker collapsed beside me and pulled the laptop out from under his shirt. He tapped at the casing and for a moment a brief smile flashed across his face, but it did not last long. He wiped soot and sweat from his face with shaking hands.
Harvey checked us all in turn, like a parent fussing over their children. We had scrapes and bruises and our skin was red and raw, but we were alright. We had survived. He ran to the front of the house and came back with palms held out by his sides. The man in the black suit, the goons Ponytail and Beanie, and Ally were all gone, along with the black van and the BMW.
Huddled together, we watched the fire consume Windhaven Manor, bright reds and oranges lighting up the windows and thick black smoke tumbling into the purple haze of sky. It was almost morning, the horizon signalling the coming of the sun.
Leon stood apart on the grass. I went to him.
“Thank you for coming back for us.”
He shrugged. “It’s something. It isn’t enough to make up for the rest.”
“You saved our lives. And those girls, they had their chance to meet their tormentors. That’s something too.”
He nodded. “What happens now?”
I turned my head sideways. “I’m still learning how all this works.”
The red of the fire reflected in his eyes. “Me too. I might go for a walk in the woods. I always liked it out there.”
He glided across the lawn and entered the trees and was gone.
The sound of sirens fought with the crackle of the fire. The fire brigade and the police. I got to my feet and shuffled to the front of the Manor. The burnt out carcasses of our cars stood by the low height wall. Black soot smudged the stone façade above the windows and the doors.
By the oak tree on the ocean side of the house stood Jane Laughlin. She peered down into a hole dug at the base of the tree. A pale and withered hand poked up out of the dirt. Her hand. They had meant to remove the body, but had aborted the task and fled.
A fire truck appeared at the head of the driveway and then another. They sped down the gravel and came to a sliding stop. A lone police car followed. Harvey sidled over.
Jane looked to the horizon. Out on the cliff edge stood a figure in a red dress. She recognised her sister Kylie immediately and ran down the slope. The two sisters embraced in the first light of the sun. I turned to the whoosh of water through a hose from the fire trucks and when I turned back, the Laughlin sisters were gone.
The members of The Séance Club, which I now consider myself a part, sat together on the low-height stone wall as the firefighters extinguished the flames consuming Windhaven Manor. The house was quiet now. The nausea and vibration I had felt that first night replaced with calm.
The police stripped the compound clean for the best part of a week. They identified Kyle the sketch artist and Hugo from the teeth that survived the fire of the hovel built over the dungeon. Hugo’s wife lay on the back lawn where Beanie and Ponytail had left her. But as to specific evidence of the crimes that occurred, they could not find enough to put a case together.
The two fires and the disappearance of Crown made some headlines, but there wasn’t enough to hang anyone else. The police claimed publicly that there was no link between the fire at Windhaven Manor and the fire at the squalid residence over the back fence. At Harvey’s behest they searched the area with cadaver dogs for the remains of the girls, but they found nothing.
Parker turned his laptop over to the police. They identified the two goons, Ponytail and Beanie, low level thugs who had disappeared from the streets years earlier. Those in the know presumed them dead. It made tracing them almost impossible. Tracing their vehicles lead to a dead end.
The man in black the suit on the other hand might as well be a ghost. On him they found nothing. They have a face, but nothing else.
As for Ally, the girl somehow managed to always turn her face away from the cameras, as if she knew where they were.
I sat in a small room at the police station for three days with Harvey putting the pieces together. He showed me a photograph of an old and gaunt man with a bent back, the last owner of Windhaven Manor before it was sold after his death. He had to be the man with the bent back from the ceremony in the dungeon, but I could not be certain. I never saw his face. Of the faces I did see, we knew Crown and Kyle and Hugo, but the others were harder to pinpoint.
At the end of it all Harvey sighed. There was nothing more we could do. But we could rest on the knowledge that the key players in the ceremony were all now dead.
Questions nagged at me. Where was Ally and what was she doing? Would she try to find me? Who was she working for?
That was the biggest question of all. Who was at the top and pulling the strings? Harvey wasn’t giving up. He was a dog with a bone at the best of times, and now he had a taste of blood. He refused to go back to the police even after Crown’s departure, which he described as the removal of a cancerous limb.
Harvey called me after the dust settled on everything. I told him that the trail had gone cold and I had no idea where Ally was. For all I knew she had evaporated into thin air. Harvey thought it unlikely, and I agreed. He told me it was time for some old-fashioned detective work. The names of the goons would be a start.
And there was something else Harvey mentioned, something that I had almost forgotten. He had always believed that his investigation into the disappearance of the girls was the reason one of his colleagues was murdered. Crown confirmed as much in the bedroom right before he was shot. Harvey thinks there is something to it. Another thread to pull, and he has a hunch. For now he’s keeping his cards close to his chest until he has some proof. I almost pressed him on the issue but decided I’d rather put it all behind me.
The story made headlines in the local press for a while, but ultimately it fizzled into a non-story, quickly forgotten by a public with a short attention spans. We all waited for a reckoning from within the police ranks, but it never came. Harvey predicted that’s the way it would go, and he was proven right.
The one item they did recover was a gold necklace with a heart pendant. The necklace Jane Laughlin wore the night of her death. The police found it where the black van had parked. After a few days in the possession of the police, Harvey arranged to have the necklace released to the family of its former owner.
The following day Mr. and Mrs. Laughlin appeared on the local news, thanking the efforts of those who recovered the remains of their daughter. It was closure, though not the kind they had hoped for. Both their girls were dead.
A week later The Séance Club convened in Beth’s apartment. Parker and Juliet were already there when I arrived. It was cathartic to talk about the events at Windhaven Manor, to compare stories and scars. I guess that’s why they have the saying about a problem shared.
After a brief silence, Beth asked, “Are you going to talk to the parents of Jane and Kylie?”
I shook my head. “What will I tell them?”
“That their daughters found each other out by the cliff edge.”
“And what about the agony of their deaths? Should I tell them that too? Besides, it doesn’t feel right. None of this feels right to me yet. And what weight do my words hold over those of some Priest talking about how he knows their souls are at rest.”
“Because you really do know.”
I shrugged. “I can’t prove any of it.”
Truth was I had no idea how to integrate the things I could see and do into my life. From childhood all I had wanted was to be like everyone else. For people not to stare or whisper as I walked by. To find acceptance. Sitting with my three new friends at Beth’s tiny kitchen table, with our shared experience behind us, I finally had it. This could be the start of something.
Parker was already planning the next Séance Club trip. An abandoned farm up north with mysterious sightings going back centuries. Juliet was already on board. I told them to wait. I couldn’t jump back in right away.
I was the last to leave, Beth and I sipping mug after mug of coffee and sharing comfortable silence. When I sighed and told her I should go, she grabbed my arm.
“I’ve never had a real family, and then I found Juliet and Parker. The Séance Club became my family. Whatever happens we are there for each other. And we mean it when we say we want you to join.”
I thought about that all night, unable to sleep.
The next morning I called Parker.
An abandoned farm up north you say?
* * * *
I navigated to the narrow alley and checked the time. The Exchange should be open. It looked out of context in the Saturday morning light. No bright light spilling from the window. No surge of Friday night after work traffic.
I slipped in the front door. A lone man lifted upturned stools down from the bar. He had his back to me and I crept across the hardwood floor in the direction of the stairs down and the bathrooms.
The vibration swelled in my chest, but I did not fear it. A dull pain rose in the base of my skull, but I gritted my teeth. A man wearing a pair of rough leather shoes came from the other end of the corridor and stopped before me.
“Are you here to help?”
I nodded.
X

I once told you I thought every other woman had a chance to have a relationship with you, except for me. It wasn't possible for me, you'd never choose me. You told me it WAS possible for me...then you asked out another woman, and told me, giddy with glee, how excited you were by her. We talked that out, she ended up not choosing YOU. This time you said not to give up, because miracles do happen. What you didn't clarify was that you meant it would require a miracle for you to see value in me beyond my actual physical labor on your property. This time you invited me up to visit, then after I arrived, informed me you wanted me to clean your house, because the NEW woman you were in love with was going to visit and you wanted to impress HER. You refused to even hug me once. You built a FUCKING PILLOW WALL down the center of your bed to insure you weren't touched by me, even accidentally, in the night!! No doubt so you could later assure her that nothing could have happened, besides the fact you find me a Loathsome Toad you'd rather die than embrace, right? I can just hear you babbling out assurances to her, each based in the idea that I am subhuman and no threat to a real woman. You informed me there are two kinds of women in the world-- beautiful ones men desire and consider to be like Trophies, ones they show off. Then there are the other kind of woman--useful, sturdy, durable, and hard workers. But heaven forbid you're seen out in public with them!!! You know what? Fuck you. I'm a goddamn perfect size 4. You're obese and impotent. You're rich? I can swim, run, dance, and put my ankles on my forehead. I can cook, bake, sing, play instruments, write, and farm. I can actually do sex, you...you....fuck you. And fuck my trauma and lack of boundaries and desperate autistic need to have one special person. And fuck you for being brilliant and funny and articulate and otherwise awesome. I hate you. I hate me. I hate your new Trophy Girlfriend. MY friends and I believe you, she is a Major Award. We all call her The Leg Lamp. You must be so proud.

My name is Shinji “新ニ“. This happened to me more than 15 years ago when I was still living in Japan as an elementary school student.
Interestingly, the catalyst for this event was the discovery of a porn magazine.
Weird I know, just bear with me until the end.
My grandparents used to live in a small isolated town called Ogawa-Machi (小川町) in the Saitama Prefecture. My parents and I would visit them often since my parents owned a junkyard nearby. My dad used to buy used cars and sell their parts overseas.
I enjoyed visiting the junkyard since it had ample space to play. I especially enjoyed it when my dad bought a used car since I could scavenge inside for coins and other things that the previous owner left behind. I would usually just find trash but when I was lucky I would find some 10 yen coins or sometimes 100 yen coins that I usually ended up using it for drinks in the vending machine.
One day I was visiting the junkyard with my parents and a friend from elementary school. Me and my friend were scavenging one of the newly arrived used cars when he hit the jackpot. BAM! We found a porn magazine. We looked at each other and took a peek inside the magazine. We started laughing and when we noticed my parents heading towards us, I hid the magazine deep inside my backpack. We forgot about it and continued with our day.
In the evening, I went to my grandparent's house with my parents and my friend to stay for the night. I grabbed my backpack to look for a change of clothes. I dumbed everything on the floor and from the very bottom of my backpack, the magazine fell. I was greeted with some Japanese titties and a bushy beaver. I panicked. I put the magazine back into my backpack and hid it under my bed.
It was too risky to keep it in my bag since I never knew when my mom will open it. She might open it just to make sure I didn’t pick up any trash from the junkyard and try to take it home. I was too paranoid to hide it in my grandparent's house as well. I still wanted to look at it of course so I decided that I would take the magazine into the woods located behind my grandparent's house where I can slowly look at it and just hide it there afterward.
I told my friend about my plan of hiding the magazine deep inside woods. We were both excited. We wanted to take a look at the magazine but also venturing into the woods at night sounded like an exciting adventure.
That night when everyone was sleeping, I grabbed the magazine and a flashlight and me and my friend snook out of my room's window. (I made sure to leave the window open beforehand just to make sure to not make a sound when everyone was asleep)
I would probably be scared if I was by myself. But with my friend by my side, I was excited and eager to go into the woods for an adventure. My grandparents never let me go into the woods. Not even during the day which made no sense to me. So this was actually my first time venturing deep into the woods. We both took a deep breath and sneaked into the woods.
We walked for just about a couple of minutes when we found a big tree. We hid behind it and took our time looking at the magazine. After enjoying ourselves for about 30 minutes or so looking at them Japanese titties, we decided that we had enough and it was time to find a place to hide it.
It was hard to find a place to hide it since the entire woods looked the same. Most trees were of the same kind and size. There was nothing we could use as a marker to hide it. After looking for a while, curiosity got the better of us so we decided to go way deeper into the woods. The deeper we hid it the better we thought. We could kinda see the town lights far away so we knew which direction to go back to if we ventured too far inside. We walked for a couple of minutes making sure to look back once in a while to see if we can see the town lights to make sure we knew which way to head back to. We were about to give up on finding a good place since we were so tired. I told my friend that he could keep the magazine so we should head back. As we were about to head back, I noticed something white on the ground. After careful inspection, we noticed that it was just a receipt from the supermarket. However, we found it weird since it meant that someone has been here. We looked around to see if we found something else but we found nothing except for some stones. Finding some stones may seem normal, but we noticed that it was the first time we saw some stones in these woods. We walked towards it and grabbed a couple of them thinking that we could maybe use it as a marker to identify where we hid the magazine. However, as we walked towards it we noticed some more stones further away. We walked towards the next set of stones and noticed more stones further away. It seemed to us like someone was using the stones as breadcrumbs to mark a trail.
We kept following the stones until we finally reached an open area. The first thing we noticed was the three big stones with carvings on it. The carvings were some Japanese symbols(kanji) that I could not read. The only kanji I could read was "二” which symbolized the number "2". I was able to read it since numbers are one of the first kanji you learn in school. Oddly enough, all three of the stones had the kanji "2" on them. Also, we noticed that one of the stones had some flowers, a small glass container of milk, and a small car toy next to it. Even as kids, we knew that this was some kind of gravestone. We were absolutely terrified that we both run back in the same direction we came from.
We reached my grandparents' home and snook into the window of my room. We made some noise which woke up my parents. They came rushing inside our room asking what happened. They noticed that we had our dirty shoes on and realized that we were outside. We were so terrified that we told them the truth. Surprisingly, they were not mad at us. They just stayed with us until me and my friend fell asleep.
The next day, my friend went back home. My parents did not talk about what happened the night before. They just acted as if nothing happened.
I never went back to my grandparents' house again after that. I also knew that my mother was having frequent discussions with my grandmother. After a while, me and my family moved overseas. I did not mention it before but I have two sisters. One older than me and one younger.
I forgot about all these until I was around 15 or 16 years old. It was around this age that my parents told me I was adopted. It was a shock but I love my parents and still consider them my real parents. Honestly, it kind of made sense since I had curly hair and double eyelids unlike my parents and my sisters who had straight hair and single eyelids. I know most people are expecting a step-sibling erotic situation but nothing like that happened.
I had also noticed something about my family. Everyone from my mother's side was female. My mother had a little sister but no brother. My aunt (mom's little sister) had two daughters. I also noticed something very interesting. My mothers name was 一禾 (Ichika) and my aunts name is 三久 (Miku). My mom's name contains the kanji "一” symbolizing the number "1". My aunt's name has the kanji "三" which symbolizes the number "3". I didn't think too much of it until one day it hit me. I realized that the carvings on the tombstones were names. The gravestones on my grandparent's woods contained the kanji "二” symbolizing the number "2". Probably symbolizing the second offspring. Also, the car toy placed next to one of the gravestones probably meant that the gravestone was made for a boy. This meant that my mom probably had a younger brother with the kanji "二” on his name symbolizing he was the second offspring. My aunt probably had another son that passed away as well.
The three tombstones now made sense. One for grandparents' son, one for my aunt's son, and one for my mother's son. It seems that the second offspring in my family is always a male and he always passes away.
Another creepy thing I noticed was my name. My name is Shinji. In kanji it's "新二”. "新” means "New" and as mentioned before "二” means "2".
Finally, I just wanted to say that my sister got married a couple of years ago and had a daughter named Kazumi “一美”. She says she wants more children. I am not sure if I should let her know about my discovery. Please advice.

TW: Minor discussions involving sex, suicide, private parts and transphobia
I'm a logical 'questions and answers' person and this question is driving me up the wall because there's no solid answer. I don't know how to structure this so I'm gonna regurgitate everything I can think of over this post and want to know other's opinions on whether or not I should transition. I'm already pursuing counselling, I just think it might put my mind at ease to have some outside opinions.

• I've been questioning my gender for ~7 months now, came out as nonbinary in November because I was questioning my identity, and around March I decided I might be trans and started down that rabbit hole.
• I have a very feminine personality - and one of my best friends thought I was gay when she first met me x) I'm very friendly, cheerful, bubbly and emotional and not an assertive or 'tough' person at all. I speak to my cat like a D&D fairy, love my plush collection, routinely seek out cuddles, and so on. (But I worry I'm just nitpicking when I say that)
• I've never had a sense of identity at all in life. I've always just floated around kinda just existing, and I've never known what I want to be. I've tolerated my life and it hasn't been bad but I don't necessarily know if I've been happy either. That changes when the fem switch goes on - I feel like I have a clear idea of who I want to be. I want to be a cute and happy girl who can express herself and actually be perceived by others as an emotional and humble person! (because as a guy, the expectations are placed on me to be manly and strong) I imagine myself dressing in cute outfits and going out with friends and travelling and exploring the world, things that I've never thought of doing as a guy!
• I've discovered I love women's fashion (men's fashion is boring istg and you cannot convince me otherwise) and love dressing fem - plus it makes me feel confident in my appearance and body and for the first time in my life, makes me want to actually care about myself by doing my hair and hygiene and keeping healthy and such - but because such a large portion of my love for my feminine side is to do with appearance and clothes and that, I worry if it's just my libido making things up and that it's just something sexual getting out of control :(
• I've always been a bit of a doormat and have cared far more about the people around me than myself for pretty much my entire life - and because of that my main worry and the main thing holding my transition back is the fact that I worry my family and friends will struggle to adjust, or won't be comfortable with it, or will worry about me, and so on - and I don't want to put all that stress on them
• Similarly to the past point I haven't done much with pronouns because I worry it's more pressure I'm putting on the people around me to make such a big change - but with my LGBT friends I've been using she/her pronouns and it's weird to describe how they make me feel - I don't feel any better or worse being called a she but there's this little spark inside of me that shines when someone calls me a she - I really don't know how else to describe it, it's like a little light I guess? It feels warm and comfortable.
• In all fairness transitioning won't affect my relationships very much because my entire family and friend group have basically said "whatever makes you happy, we will still love you". I only have one or two friends who I'd consider somewhat transphobic and said friends have actually been very reasonable and respectful about it being my decision and how you don't have to agree with it, you just have to respect it - so there haven't been any issues there (and they've actually given useful advice and questions to think about too :>)
• My family have bought up some concerns though, my mum worrys that this is just a phase I'm going through - I have autistic tendencies (getting a proper test in 2 weeks) and pretty much my entire life has been phases, one month I want to join the police, the next month I want 5 cats, so on, so she has a point, but surely if it's been 6 months that's reason to believe this is real right? The other thing is my sister keeps iterating that if I get diagnosed with autism they probably won't give me gender treatment - which doesn't sound right at all to me (and she is stubborn and won't really listen regarding that fact) - because surely if they turned away autistic people with severe dysphoria that could result in suicides or drug misuse or bad things happening right? Not that I would do those things, but not everyone will be as stable or composed about something like this
• The one point my family keeps bringing up is "what if you meet the perfect girl and she's straight and you want kids" and I suppose that's a half decent point, but on the other hand I've been dating for a solid 6 years. I was obsessed with finding a girl through my teenage years and never got anywhere and honestly, I'm absolutely sick of banking my life and future happiness on the fact that I *might* find someone. Everyone loves to be all rosy and "you'll find someone" but especially in this day and age that is not the case, and tons of people will end up alone. I feel like as a woman I can be happy without a partner - and I'd much rather be happy alone than weigh all my happiness on the chance I find someone - the other thing about that is that I really don't like the idea of penetrative sex and think it's kind of disgusting so I don't know if I'd even want to have my own kids - I love working with kids but I would rather just adopt tbh
• I'd like to get HRT because there are so many benefits that suit my life. I can stop having to full body shave every 2 days (which I do because of dysphoria) which means more free time and no more ingrown hairs or sore skin. I can get rid of that annoying male sex drive (and sorry to be inappropiate, but the female equivalent seems a lot less of a pain in the ass and a lot more.. is fun the right word? xD). I don't care much about boobs like others seem to but they would help with dysphoria. No fear of baldness when I get older. Better fat distribution will make me less self conscious about my stomach (although I've started going to the gym anyways). I know there are negative side effects too but none particularly stick out to me as a problem based on what I've already said.
• I know it's probably way too early to be saying this but I really would like to consider surgery down the line - I do not like having my penis. I'm not ashamed of it or anything, but I don't like it. I think it's weird, I get insecure about it, it can be uncomfortable, etc.. But the thought of surgery is also really scary and I'd need to get ready for that.
• I feel a bit invalidated, because people always have some kind of massive buildup to having to be trans to live properly - whereas I feel fine as a guy, I just think I would feel hundreds of times happier as a girl. It's not going to kill me or anything if I can't transition (though I would be sad!). It feels like people use this as an excuse to downplay it and be all "oh well its a lot to go through for something you dont need"
• I really struggle with the imposter syndrome - voice training for instance is really hard (I'm actually pretty good at it from years of D&D and talking in sweet voices to pets) and I feel like even if I get good at a feminine voice I'm going to feel fake. Same with pronouns, one of the things that has kept me from asking people to use female pronouns is that I don't look like a girl and I feel like I'm lying to people or being fake.
• Can't think of much else to say but if anyone can think of questions to ask in the comments I'll edit and add more.

I'm not here expecting professional advice or anything but I'd literally just like to know what yall think and if you have any points to counter or address mine that might help me make my decision. Thanks :)

I'm not a good or entertaining writer so bear with me please.
When I was 9 I called a kid and told him I was going to kill him if he did something stupid that I'm leaving out for identifying purposes. It was just a phrase that I used at the time, I didn't actually mean I would kill him. However his parents called me and told me they were calling the cops and I was going to jail for it. I was 9. I was ostracized at my little school and bullied relentlessly at school. People acted like I meant it and treated me with contempt. I went to the nurses daily to try and go home for being sick. Not that I wasn't school made me feel ill after all this, I would vomit in the mornings and that sent me on an eating disorder path a few years early. Daily, for almost a year I expected police to show up at my house and arrest me for terroristic threats. I told no one. When the nurse finally asked me what the hell was going on with me months later I made up a story about my father not spending enough time with me. While true he worked 80 hours per week doing a bullshit job that wasn't the real reason I was sick. I felt like I couldn't tell anyone because if I did they would see me as a horrible person who needed to go to prison. So I kept my mouth shut for forty fucking years. It truly ruined me and my potential afterwards I wasn't the same person but that kid was still the same asshole bully he had always been. I believe the statues of limitations has run out at least.

Shunned from the world, I call the woods my home. I dare not travel out of the forest for fear of the cruelty and hostility civilization has given me everytime I show myself.
All my life they called me a monster and the word wounds me. All I want is what anyone wants: to live, to love and to be loved. But these hopes have been stripped from me so I instead seek isolation, free from the persecutions of humans.
My tattered and ill fitting garbs are crudely made leather that I created myself. But they suit me fine because out here, alone, I don’t have anyone to impress.
It has been years since I last tended to my mighty mane, the tragedy of life has eroded any semblance of vanity I may have once had. Whenever I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the water, I slap it, ruining the image that caused so many nightmares. There is nothing I can do to change it, otherwise I would gladly do so.
At night I sit in my makeshift home of mud and rotten logs that I gathered. In this poor excuse for shelter I huddle around a fire and wish I had someone to share it with. This wish is not different from self-inflicted abuse because there is no one who would love a creature like me.
During the day, I forage for food. Leafy greens and berries mostly because I don't eat meat. The animals I share these woods with are like my friends. They do not judge and have grown accustomed to me being here. How long has that been, I cannot say, only that it has been too many winters to count.
From time to time people come to my woods and I avoid them the best I can. Despite my size I am very good at not being seen if I don't want to be. Occasionally people catch a glimpse of me, word of mouth has spread and I've become an urban legend. An oddity. Another wounding word, but better than most I have been called.
When people do enter my territory, I like to watch them and pretend I am like them. One of the pretty ones. The ugly ones. Anything other than the monster that I resemble.
This childlike dream of mine died one fateful day as I was eavesdropping on a young couple as they were struggling to set up camp. There was no malicious intent as I spied on them, I was just lonely and wanted to live vicariously and pretend I was like them.
It was the woman who saw me first and she screamed “monster” as she pointed at me before running away. Her mate followed closely behind.
As they ran I felt embarrassed that I was seen and ashamed for the body I am condemned to live in. I felt this way all my life, but unlike every other moment in my painful existence, this time was different because there was something else behind those emotions.
Perhaps for the first time, I felt anger. Anger towards the humans for making me feel that way all my life and I knew that I had to destroy the source of these feelings.
I needed to kill the two who fled at the sight of me.
I caught up to the man first. Killing him was easy. I bent low and snatched him by the leg, swinging him at nearby trees before tearing off his head with my clawed hands. Feeling his body break numbed my anger, shame and embarrassment with something that I had never felt before: satisfaction.
Dark urges took hold of me, making me lick his blood off of my claws and the coppery taste woke up a long dormant part in me, something primal, feral and cruel. The blood of my victims also killed the last morsel of remorse I harbored for the humans and the way they made me feel all my life.
That feeling of satisfaction disappeared as soon as I identified it. The man died too quickly for there to be any real lasting joy from the act of killing him.
Thankfully, the woman offered me another chance to savor that feeling.
She didn't stand a chance at escape as she ran, but I let her believe that she had one. Denying her escape at the last possible second would be preferable than outright killing her.
As she ran, zig zagging through the trees, I nearly laughed at those efforts. As I swiped at her with my clawed hands, I did so almost playfully. Droplets of her mates blood splattering her back.
She panted and begged to her God to be spared as she ran, but if she wanted forgiveness she wouldn't have screamed. She wouldn't have ran. She wouldn't have been a part of the world that called me a monster.
Her terrified screams made me smile as they reached a crescendo as my claws slashed her back, reducing the shirt she wore to ribbons.
It was the first time I remember ever having a reason to smile.
My mighty hands engulfed the woman and I lifted her off the ground. I turned her around to look at me and a primal scream ripped its way out of my throat.
“You no hurt me again!”
Her expression was pure terror and I soaked it all in, but as soon I saw a shimmer of confusion creep its way on her face, I lifted her high above me and ripped her in half.
Her blood acted as a shower and as a baptism. I was reborn by it. Cleaned by it. Cleaned of being an unwilling outsider. Cleansed of being a proverbial punching bag.
I became what they always called me.
I have become a monster.
WAE

I'm 38, male, white, in New York. I'm sex-repulsed, which means I do not enjoy sex at all, either with men or with women. But I am heteroromantic and very much enjoy cuddling and physical touch.
It's been very tough finding a partner who accepts that I'm Ace. And I totally get to no partner owes anyone celibacy; I don't expect that at all. But what really has shocked me is the amount of women who view this as a turn-off. We may share a strong emotional/intellectual connection and develop romantic feelings, but the moment I say "I don't enjoy having sex," they say "Oh. Never mind then." And suddenly I'm viewed as not a real man, as if all masculinity is measured by my cocksmanship. I forced myself to have sex for years just to make a partner happy. It made me miserable and I don't ever want to go back to that.
I hope the right woman is out there and will read this. And have a desire to meet a male partner who can offer you cuddles, companionship, a warm and loving atmosphere, discussion of art, literature, wine, and good TV. If this is you, feel free to DM me and we can talk from there.
And wishing everyone else lots of love!

I've always wanted to say and it's been on my mind to say it publically for so long but I've always held it back in. I find the mainstream conversations in regards to dating these days to be honestly rather tiresome, it's either "all men are trash" or "all women suck". What even worries me is that you get a rise of media personalities and podcasters who prey into these insecurities that both men and women for the clout, profit, and sensationalism clicks and it only just makes it worse for everyone and it makes people suspicious of one another. The truth of the matter is that life's hard for everyone one way or another, we all have our own challenges in life and no one is to blame here. And here is the light of the end of the tunnel, the vast majority of people in real life are not like these stereotypical trash and jerks' you hear the media like to talk about one another like. Just look around you, everyone of different backgrounds are actually getting along just fine and having a good time. Just be a decent human being to one another and you will find the right person at the right time, I promise you it will come.

• Please don't contact me if you aren't at least 18 years of age or you’re male, even if you’re the bf or husband! - —

It's not creepy. I'm just appreciating a work of art.
Maybe you've had a man notice you and you wish he didn't turn his head away?
Or maybe you don't get noticed like you deserve to be?
Maybe you've wanted to tease a man and watch the hardness grow in his pants?
Maybe you like to wear skirts sans panties, and would stand over me?
Maybe you've wanted to cheat, sort of, without really, actually?
Maybe you've wanted to feel sexy, without sex?
(While we both have masks on. Double masks, even, because covid. Even if you're married.)
I want to find just one woman to, while in her chosen state of undress, would like a respectful and respectable gentleman to just be there close and observe... and moan and ogle and take in the beautify before him, while keeping his hands to himself.
Don't get me wrong, I really do like sex. And I'm not a prude. I just really like the feminine form, these are not times to be exchanging bodily fluids, and truth be told I wouldn't want to actually get physical with anyone I don't feel an emotional connection to first. (Yes there are men like that.)
Now, I realize a woman would be cautious about being so vulnerable with a stranger so I expect a lot of our initial conversations would be about placating your justifiable concerns. I'm all about that. A gentleman bears the burden of making a lady feel comfortable enough to proceed.
That said, based on experience with a similar post I tried from a now-deleted account of mine that brought no success, what I won't do is play games, converse with someone who won't tell me where she's located, engage in virtual play of any kind, or just answer questions while not being allowed to ask a few of my own. I'm sorry but I will block one-liners and incoherence.
About me: Not a creep! Really, women approach me in public to ask for directions and children approach me to help find their parents. I'm told I look "smart" and "presentable." I attractive enough to be noticed more when I don't have my ring on. Brown hair. White.
About you: No age limit either way. I guess I'm open to anything for this but in general I have been attracted to relatively more innocent appearances on the scale of things. As for race, I have mostly been attracted to Asian, Black, Latina, and white (in alphabetical order. And I suppose just because I haven't even been around a lot of Middle Eastern women?) Be at least somewhat attractive. If you're exceptionally attractive and you're used to men noticing you, or if you're not so sure and want the compliment of having me in a state of agonizing desire, this might be perfect for you. Especially if you're much younger or older and just want the appreciation with no contact.
Important: Obviously I don't mean just "check you out" while behind in line at the grocery or watching you jog by while you are wearing tight clothes, because I wouldn't need to post an ad for that. This would need to be in a private or semi-private space or some place that is so vast that we're so far from everyone that they won't wonder what I'm doing examining you so closely . Consider wearing nothing, yoga clothes, a swimsuit, underwear, etc. Just as obviously, I am not looking for an "online thing" or even talk about this with someone who isn't in the SF Bay Area or Northern California.

I’m 6ft tall and my dick is a terrible size. It ruins everything literally everything even as a kid I’ve had a very very high sex drive I like the first time I did something sexual was like 1st grade. Idk i just knew stuff turned me on and asked my friends to do stuff and they did. I loved it at that time lol. As a teen I realized people would talk about their dicks and all being confident but I wasn’t. I literally prayed, obsessed, begged god to just let it be normal Atleast big preferably of course. Nope its 4-5 inches more leaning to 4-4.5 maybe even smaller. It sucks i don’t look forward to anything, can’t have confidence, can’t get in shape to avoid being noticed, literally can’t do anything because I am so sad about it. It’s not okay either size matters and I don’t blame people. The only people who accept it are older men, foreign men, or sorry to say but very ugly people. I’m not just gonna get with them because they accept it either i tried i felt nothing and couldn’t even get hard with them. I think I’m gonna kill myself soon I have to tell my parents the real reason they know I’m sad but don’t know why my life is awesome besides this. I also ruined it by jerking off so much because who cares right no one’s gonna want it anyway. And not jerking off like normally like extremely long sessions it’s completely misshapen while I am getting an erection it looks like it’s crushed Hourglass like idk how to explain it. I tried going to the doctors but they don’t see what I’m talking about I wasted money going twice they said it’s fine it’s not though. I wish I just showed them the pictures it’s been hurting for 3 years off and on and when it hurts it hurts bad. I regret doing it because it may have made it smaller or possibly stopped it from growing idk tho maybe I was screwed either way and it was always as small as it was now. I think it’s permanently damaged I changed the shape so much and there is probably nothing they can do so now it’s not only small maybe shrunken to but hideous looking while getting erected and soft I can’t pull my pants down until I’m hard now. It sucks i will never be loved by someone for real and I can’t feel human. It’s actually very uncomfortable now to my penis is always shriveled up and I constantly have to adjust it out I am circumcised and it looks like it isn’t now. I was thinking of going to urologist but are they even gonna believe me? Will they even be able to help me they probably will laugh and say we’ll I shouldn’t of done that now it’s ruined have a nice life. Why cant someone just figure out the secret to make it bigger dude. Oh well I’ll be dead soon I give up my fantasies of it magically fixing one day are over drugs are the only reason I’m alive right now they are the only reason I can move and do stuff