Color street

Apologies for the length and lateness of this post, past few months have been quite chaotic and haven't had much access to the internet, I dunno when I'll be back on this sub again after this so until then, more posts from me will be a Dream for Spring Summer (probably)
Over the years I've read a great many theories about the character of Varys, his motivations, his scheming throughout the series and his endgame, but none of them have ever truly sat well with me for how much his character feels simplified. He is one of ASOIAF's most complex characters who I still believe we haven't entirely cracked yet, and I for one still believe even after writing this post up and reflecting on it, there's still some of his character that I haven't figured out.
However, I want to propose an alternative character analysis to the character of Varys, one that drifts away from the more common take on his character - Varys is not a eunuch or a friend of Tyrion Lannister, and has spent his entire life lying about his manhood to deter anyone from thinking that he could father any children, so that fAegon, his true son, would always be protected while hiding.
Let us begin by breaking down each of the lies that define his character.
First, the lie that he was castrated as a young slave and had his manhood thrown into a fire by 'a certain man', which resulted in the fire turning magically blue and 'a voice' speaking out to Varys.

"One day at Myr, a certain man came to our folly. After the performance, he made an offer for me that my master found too tempting to refuse. I was in terror. I feared the man meant to use me as I had heard men used small boys, but in truth the only part of me he had need of was my manhood. He gave me a potion that made me powerless to move or speak, yet did nothing to dull my senses. With a long hooked blade, he sliced me root and stem, chanting all the while. I watched him burn my manly parts on a brazier. The flames turned blue, and I heard a voice answer his call, though I did not understand the words they spoke. "The mummers had sailed by the time he was done with me. Once I had served his purpose, the man had no further interest in me, so he put me out. When I asked him what I should do now, he answered that he supposed I should die. To spite him, I resolved to live. I begged, I stole, and I sold what parts of my body still remained to me. Soon I was as good a thief as any in Myr, and when I was older I learned that often the contents of a man's letters are more valuable than the contents of his purse. "Yet I still dream of that night, my lord. Not of the sorcerer, nor his blade, nor even the way my manhood shriveled as it burned. I dream of the voice. The voice from the flames. Was it a god, a demon, some conjurer's trick? I could not tell you, and I know all the tricks. All I can say for a certainty is that he called it, and it answered, and since that day I have hated magic and all those who practice it. If Lord Stannis is one such, I mean to see him dead." - ACOK - TYRION X

Now there is much from this excerpt to raise complaints and questions about Varys' story;

• There are no known instances of individuals being mutilated and having their mutilated parts being sacrificed in the flames for the sake of blood magic or appeasing R'hllor. Individuals have often been sacrificed to the flames, but sacrificed in their whole bodies.
  
• The details of how Varys was mutilated and that he was able to survive is unbelievable, and even more unbelievable that he went on to live as an orphan on the streets after this horrific ordeal with little to no medical treatment. Varys' simple claim that he "resolved to live" is very vague.
  
• Varys can remember this mystic and mysterious voice, but not what it send or what the words sounded like. Melisandre claims to hear the voices of R'hllor in the flames and voices could be heard from Drogo's tent when Mirri Maz Duhr was performing her blood magic, but these voices are only heard by the sorcerers, and not the victims. By all accounts, Varys should not have been able to hear these voices, if part of himself was fed to the flames.
  

But the weakest part of all is that Varys says that he "hates magic and all those who practise it", yet he goes to great lengths to protect and look out for Daenerys, and try to join fAegon's forces with hers, despite knowing that she has three magical dragons by her side.

"How many days until we reach the river?" he asked Illyrio that evening. "At this pace, your queen's dragons will be larger than Aegon's three before I can lay eyes upon them." "Would it were so. A large dragon is more fearsome than a small one." The magister shrugged. "Much as it would please me to welcome Queen Daenerys to Volantis, I must rely on you and Griff for that. I can serve her best in Pentos, smoothing the way for her return. So long as I am with you, though … well, an old fat man must have his comforts, yes? Come, drink a cup of wine." - ADWD - TYRION II

Illyrio is Varys' best friend and closest confidant, who he works with to protect Daenerys for much of her life and is willing to crown her as Queen alongside fAegon even though she has magical fire-breathing dragons that Varys, a victim of magical flames, would despise.
Illyrio, the same man who praised R'hllor, a God that Varys despises;

Her brother was waiting in the cool of the entry hall, seated on the edge of the pool, his hand trailing in the water. He rose when she appeared and looked her over critically. "Stand there," he told her. "Turn around. Yes. Good. You look …" "Regal," Magister Illyrio said, stepping through an archway. He moved with surprising delicacy for such a massive man. Beneath loose garments of flame-colored silk, rolls of fat jiggled as he walked. Gemstones glittered on every finger, and his man had oiled his forked yellow beard until it shone like real gold. "May the Lord of Light shower you with blessings on this most fortunate day, Princess Daenerys," the magister said as he took her hand. He bowed his head, showing a thin glimpse of crooked yellow teeth through the gold of his beard. "She is a vision, Your Grace, a vision," he told her brother. "Drogo will be enraptured." - AGOT - DAENERYS I

Neither Viserys or Daenerys were followers of R'hllor at this point, or surrounded by any followers, meaning Illyrio didn't need to bring up this form of prayer to R'hllor unless it was genuine or near genuine on his own part.
It makes little sense that Varys would entertain the company of those who worship R'hllor or magical forms of fire, if Varys truly is traumatised by what seemingly happened to him as a slave child by fire.
As well as Illyrio, this is apparent in Aerys II, who would regularly burn people in the throne room with wildfire, in the presence of Varys;

Frustrated, Aerys turned to the Wisdoms of the ancient Guild of Alchemists, who knew the secret of producing the volatile jade green substance known as wildfire, said to be a close cousin to dragonflame. The pyromancers became a regular fixture at his court as the king's fascination with fire grew. By 280 AC, Aerys II had taken to burning traitors, murderers, and plotters, rather than hanging or beheading them. The king seemed to take great pleasure in these fiery executions, which were presided over by Wisdom Rossart, the grand master of the Guild of Alchemists...so much so that he granted Rossart the title of Lord and gave him a seat upon the small council. - TWOIAF - THE TARGARYEN KINGS - AERYS II

Not only would Varys be present to witness these burnings, but Varys even encouraged Aerys to burn other individuals suspected of treachery, and fuelled both Aerys' paranoia and bloodlust;

He floated in heat, in memory. "After dancing griffins lost the Battle of the Bells, Aerys exiled him." Why am I telling this absurd ugly child? "He had finally realized that Robert was no mere outlaw lord to be crushed at whim, but the greatest threat House Targaryen had faced since Daemon Blackfyre. The king reminded Lewyn Martell gracelessly that he held Elia and sent him to take command of the ten thousand Dornishmen coming up the kingsroad. Jon Darry and Barristan Selmy rode to Stoney Sept to rally what they could of griffins' men, and Prince Rhaegar returned from the south and persuaded his father to swallow his pride and summon my father. But no raven returned from Casterly Rock, and that made the king even more afraid. He saw traitors everywhere, and Varys was always there to point out any he might have missed. So His Grace commanded his alchemists to place caches of wildfire all over King's Landing. Beneath Baelor's Sept and the hovels of Flea Bottom, under stables and storehouses, at all seven gates, even in the cellars of the Red Keep itself. - ASOS - JAIME V

Varys developed a reputation for egging on Aerys' paranoia and encouraging him to execute apparent traitors by fire, so much so that people like Barristan lay chief blame for Aerys' downfall into madness on Varys for exploiting it;

"It is not a question of wanting. The throne is mine, as Robert's heir. That is law. After me, it must pass to my daughter, unless Selyse should finally give me a son." He ran three fingers lightly down the table, over the layers of smooth hard varnish, dark with age. "I am king. Wants do not enter into it. I have a duty to my daughter. To the realm. Even to Robert. He loved me but little, I know, yet he was my brother. The Lannister woman gave him horns and made a motley fool of him. She may have murdered him as well, as she murdered Jon Arryn and Ned Stark. For such crimes there must be justice. Starting with Cersei and her abominations. But only starting. I mean to scour that court clean. As Robert should have done, after the Trident. Ser Barristan once told me that the rot in King Aerys's reign began with Varys. The eunuch should never have been pardoned. No more than the Kingslayer. At the least, Robert should have stripped the white cloak from Jaime and sent him to the Wall, as Lord Stark urged. He listened to Jon Arryn instead. I was still at Storm's End, under siege and unconsulted." He turned abruptly, to give Davos a hard shrewd look. "The truth, now. Why did you wish to murder Lady Melisandre?" - ASOS - DAVOS IV

It makes very little sense that Varys, a eunuch who seemingly hates worshippers of R'hllor and pyromancers for burning people and sacrificing his manhood to the flames as a child, would be best friends with a man who praises R'hllor or encourage his previous King to burn several people, many of whom were likely innocent of the claims of treachery put against them.
But it makes a lot more sense that Varys actually never had a problem with R'hllor or wildfire, and instead chose to encourage Aerys' paranoia so that he would always both seem useful to Aerys and be on good relations with him, to solidify his position of power on the Small Council, given that he was just a young foreign man in Westeros and wholly dependent on Aerys' support to maintain his standing in King's Landing.
The second lie of Varys' character that I wish to tackle is his apparent concern for the wellbeing of children;

"No," Ned pleaded, his voice cracking. "Varys, gods have mercy, do as you like with me, but leave my daughter out of your schemes. Sansa's no more than a child." "Rhaenys was a child too. Prince Rhaegar's daughter. A precious little thing, younger than your girls. She had a small black kitten she called Balerion, did you know? I always wondered what happened to him. Rhaenys liked to pretend he was the true Balerion, the Black Dread of old, but I imagine the Lannisters taught her the difference between a kitten and a dragon quick enough, the day they broke down her door." Varys gave a long weary sigh, the sigh of a man who carried all the sadness of the world in a sack upon his shoulders. "The High Septon once told me that as we sin, so do we suffer. If that's true, Lord Eddard, tell me … why is it always the innocents who suffer most, when you high lords play your game of thrones? Ponder it, if you would, while you wait upon the queen. And spare a thought for this as well: The next visitor who calls on you could bring you bread and cheese and the milk of the poppy for your pain … or he could bring you Sansa's head. - AGOT - EDDARD XV

Varys shows apparent disgust at the murders of Rhaegar's children, Rhaenys and Aegon, at the end of Robert's Rebellion, and the way in which they were brutally murdered.
However, we later learn in the series that Aegon seemingly survived and was swapped with a tanner's child, bought by Varys and swapped with Aegon, so that this bought child could be sacrificed to the Lannisters, who Varys presumed would want to kill Rhaegar's children;

"A true friend, our Lord Connington. He must be, to remain so fiercely loyal to the grandson of the king who took his lands and titles and sent him into exile. A pity about that. Elsewise Prince Rhaegar's friend might have been on hand when my father sacked King's Landing, to save Prince Rhaegar's precious little son from getting his royal brains dashed out against a wall." The lad flushed. "That was not me. I told you. That was some tanner's son from Pisswater Bend whose mother died birthing him. His father sold him to Lord Varys for a jug of Arbor gold. He had other sons but had never tasted Arbor gold. Varys gave the Pisswater boy to my lady mother and carried me away." "Aye." Tyrion moved his elephants. "And when the pisswater prince was safely dead, the eunuch smuggled you across the narrow sea to his fat friend the cheesemonger, who hid you on a poleboat and found an exile lord willing to call himself your father. It does make for a splendid story, and the singers will make much of your escape once you take the Iron Throne … assuming that our fair Daenerys takes you for her consort." - ADWD - TYRION VI

This entire "splendid story" as Tyrion calls it, is full of inconsistencies and unbelievable acts.
The first red flag of this story is the idea that Varys, a former slave child who abhors slavery, would willingly buy another man's young child. Also pay attention to the mention of 'Arbor gold', which has been well documented on this sub for years for how its always a signal of lies, as individuals like Littlefinger mention it in passing whenever they are telling a lie.
The second red flag is the idea that Varys, someone who seemingly abhors the murder and suffering of innocent children, would willingly sacrifice an innocent young child and allow them to be murdered just to spare another, more valuable child. The idea that Varys would also take Elia's child away from her, either willingly or unwillingly on her part, is also questionable.
The third red flag is why Varys chose only to switch Aegon with another child, and not do the same for Rhaenys. Having two imposter Targaryen children raised to believe they are Targaryens could've helped to support their claims, build them up as a rival power in Westeros and also provide a backup option for Varys incase fAegon didn't survive his childhood.
The final red flag is the idea that Varys was able to foresee how the Rebellion was going to end, accurately guessed that Rhaegar's children would be murdered by the Lannisters, knew where and when to find Elia and her children, be able to remove one of her children away from her without anyone knowing, and knew that one of Tywin's men would kill the children so brutally that next to no one would be able to recognise them - the idea story is built on a series of flimsy conveniences and incredible predictive abilities on Varys' part.
If Varys truly cared so much about the protection and well-being of children, he would not have willingly bought and sacrificed an innocent child to be sacrificed in exchange for Aegon's survival, nor would he have abandoned Rhaenys to her fate if he could have prevented it. This means either Varys truly doesn't give a damn about the wellbeing of children and just lies to the likes of Ned and Tyrion about it, or that the entire story about Aegon being swapped with a tanner's child is a lie like some fans believe, or that both stories are lies muddled together to make it more difficult to discern the truth.
Perhaps the truth of Varys' lies is best exposed in this often cited excerpt from ACOK, a conversation between him and Tyrion about the infamous "Shadow on the Wall" riddle;

Varys smiled. "Here, then. Power resides where men believe it resides. No more and no less.""So power is a mummer's trick?" "A shadow on the wall," Varys murmured, "yet shadows can kill. And ofttimes a very small man can cast a very large shadow." Tyrion smiled. "Lord Varys, I am growing strangely fond of you. I may kill you yet, but I think I'd feel sad about it." - ACOK - TYRION II

The question of who Varys refers to in this conversation has been debated for years on this sub. Some believe that Varys was alluding to fAegon, that if people believe he is the real Aegon then he will have power, even if he doesn't truly have power as a common non-Targaryen child. Others have suggested Varys was alluding to Littlefinger, who was once a young small man who rose very high in King's Landing and cast a large shadow over the realm by starting the WotFk through his schemes.
I however believe that Varys is talking about himself.
Varys was once a very small man when he came to King's Landing at Aerys' calling for him to join the Small Council. He was seen as a young ex-slave, without a lordship or house of his own, weak and powerless. But overtime, through his manipulation of Aerys, encouraging his paranoia and own self-inflicted downfall, Varys cast a very large shadow over the empire of House Targaryen in Westeros, and destroyed it forever. What Varys says here to Tyrion is a very veiled threat that he can be dangerous to Tyrion if he underestimates Varys.
Tyrion however, in his arrogance, believes that Varys is referring to him, being a "very small man" and begins considering him a friend.
This is the third and final lie of Varys' character that I wish to dissect here - the lie that he is a friend or useful ally of sorts to Tyrion.
The idea of Varys betraying Tyrion's trust and working against him is first presented to us by Cersei, when she lets slip that Varys informed her of Tyrion's plan to send the Hound into battle at the Battle of the Blackwater;

"Varys says so." The swan was too rich for his taste. A line appeared on Cersei's pale white brow, between those lovely eyes. "You put too much trust in that eunuch." "He serves me well." "Or so he'd have you believe. You think you're the only one he whispers secrets to? He gives each of us just enough to convince us that we'd be helpless without him. He played the same game with me, when I first wed Robert. For years, I was convinced I had no truer friend at court, but now . . ." She studied his face for a moment. "He says you mean to take the Hound from Joffrey." - ACOK - TYRION XII

On a first read, we are quick to dismiss Cersei's claims for how much she is built up as an antagonistic and untrustworthy character, but in later understanding her motives in her own POV chapters, we realise there may be an inkling of truth in her claims. In the case of the Hound, Varys has no reason to inform her of Tyrion's plan, however innocent and insignificant in the grand game of thrones they may be, other than to maintain some level of trust with her and to invoke conflict between the Lannister siblings, which benefits Varys.
There are frequent moments throughout the series in which Varys alludes to knowing key information and deliberately withholding it from Tyrion even if it may benefit Tyrion, including who ordered Mandon Moore to kill Tyrion;

Bronn had turned up all he could on Ser Mandon, but no doubt Varys knew a deal more . . . should he choose to share it. "The man seems to have been quite friendless," Tyrion said carefully. "Sadly," said Varys, "oh, sadly. You might find some kin if you turned over enough stones back in the Vale, but here . . . Lord Arryn brought him to King's Landing and Robert gave him his white cloak, but neither loved him much, I fear. Nor was he the sort the smallfolk cheer in tourneys, despite his undoubted prowess. Why, even his brothers of the Kingsguard never warmed to him. Ser Barristan was once heard to say that the man had no friend but his sword and no life but duty . . . but you know, I do not think Selmy meant it altogether as praise. Which is queer when you consider it, is it not? Those are the very qualities we seek in our Kingsguard, it could be said—men who live not for themselves, but for their king. By those lights, our brave Ser Mandon was the perfect white knight. And he died as a knight of the Kingsguard ought, with sword in hand, defending one of the king's own blood." The eunuch gave him a slimy smile and watched him sharply. Trying to murder one of the king's own blood, you mean. Tyrion wondered if Varys knew rather more than he was saying. - ASOS - TYRION II

When Tyrion presses Varys for information about Mandon, Varys deliberately skims over Mandon's life and offers vague beliefs about the perfect Kingsguard to try and derail Tyrion's line of questioning, and when Varys pretends not to have known about Mandon trying to kill Tyrion, he watches Tyrion "sharply" to try and gather how much Tyrion himself knows, whether or not Tyrion will seek retribution for it from the anger on his face, and almost openly mocks him for the smile he gives. Tyrion briefly considers the idea that Varys is deliberately holding information back from him, but chooses instead to talk about other matters, which is what Varys wanted.
On the matter of Varys' choosing to support the Lannisters or Stannis, Varys once again tries to confuse Tyrion with riddles and not directly answer the question;

"He accuses my brother and sister of incest. I wonder how he came by that suspicion." "Perhaps he read a book and looked at the color of a bastard's hair, as Ned Stark did, and Jon Arryn before him. Or perhaps someone whispered it in his ear." The eunuch's laugh was not his usual giggle, but deeper and more throaty. "Someone like you, perchance?" "Am I suspected? It was not me." "If it had been, would you admit it?" "No. But why should I betray a secret I have kept so long? It is one thing to deceive a king, and quite another to hide from the cricket in the rushes and the little bird in the chimney. Besides, the bastards were there for all to see." - ACOK - TYRION III

We know for certain that Varys didn't want the WotFK to start so soon or for the truth of Cersei's children to come out in AGOT because he wanted more time for Viserys' forces to grow in strength and come closer to Westeros in order to invade, either to take the throne for themselves or be the ones to kill the beloved Robert Baratheon and paint themselves as villainous usurpers to make fAegon more heroic and not taint him with Robert's blood on his hands.
However, like with Cersei and Tyrion, Varys needs to tell those on the Small Council a certain amount of secretive information in order to gain their trust and support, including Stannis. That Varys even chooses to give a deeper and more unsettling laugh about the matter is another example of him openly laughing about his treachery in Tyrion's face and Tyrion not realising it.
When Tyrion almost stumbles upon this ruse and Varys realises that his laugh was too deep and questionable, Varys tries to brush it off by saying its harder to keep a secret secret if so many people are investigating it, and insists that there were so many of Robert's bastards to find for Stannis to figure out the truth on his own. But again, this last statement from Varys is littered with half-truths.
Varys insists it is hard to keep deceiving King Robert about the truth of his children's true parentage, and even harder to keep deceiving the truth from those who are deliberately looking for the truth and wanting to find it. This in itself is a reference to his believe that Stannis was always power-hungry for the Iron Throne, and was just looking for an excuse to try to claim it for himself as Robert's true heir, regardless of whether or not Cersei's children were Robert's or not.
But his own comment about "betraying a secret I have held for so long" is a direct allusion to fAegon's existence, and his determination not to reveal the truth of his existence to anyone, including Tyrion.
Even when Tyrion rides with Illyrio and Jon Connington's entourage in ADWD, Tyrion is only led to believe that they are going to support Daenerys' claim for the Iron Throne, and has to work out for himself that fAegon is actually Aegon and the one Varys and Illyrio wish to crown;

Young Griff hesitated. "Lannister? Your father—" "—is dead. At my hand. If it please Your Grace to call me Yollo or Hugor, so be it, but know that I was born Tyrion of House Lannister, trueborn son of Tywin and Joanna, both of whom I slew. Men will tell you that I am a kingslayer, a kinslayer, and a liar, and all of that is true … but then, we are a company of liars, are we not? Take your feigned father. Griff, is it?" The dwarf sniggered. "You should thank the gods that Varys the Spider is a part of this plot of yours. Griff would not have fooled the cockless wonder for an instant, no more than it did me. No lord, my lordship says, no knight. And I'm no dwarf. Just saying a thing does not make it true. Who better to raise Prince Rhaegar's infant son than Prince Rhaegar's dear friend Jon Connington, once Lord of Griffin's Roost and Hand of the King?" "Be quiet." Griff's voice was uneasy. - ADWD - TYRION V

After Tyrion works out the truth and manipulates both fAegon and Jon Connington into riding for Westeros instead of joining forces with Daenerys, he disappears and goes off to seek her out.
This likely angers Varys, and is the reason why Varys no longer affectionately calls Tyrion by his name or by '"lord" and instead refers to him as "the imp" in ADWD's epilogue, a term that Varys knows Tyrion hates;

Ser Kevan tried to rise, but the strength had left him. He could not feel his legs. "I thought the crossbow fitting. You shared so much with Lord Tywin, why not that? Your niece will think the Tyrells had you murdered, mayhaps with the connivance of the Imp. The Tyrells will suspect her. Someone somewhere will find a way to blame the Dornishmen. Doubt, division, and mistrust will eat the very ground beneath your boy king, whilst Aegon raises his banner above Storm's End and the lords of the realm gather round him." "Aegon?" For a moment he did not understand. Then he remembered. A babe swaddled in a crimson cloak, the cloth stained with his blood and brains. "Dead. He's dead." - ADWD - EPILOGUE

Varys chooses to frame Tyrion for Kevan's murder, **deliberately and intentionally further putting his life in danger by Cersei's wrath, already knowing that Tyrion has a large bounty on his head because of her, and talks lowly of Tyrion by calling him an "Imp" and referring to his "connivance" in a very scorned tone.
Varys never considered Tyrion a friend or ally in ASOIAF and was just using him, another lie that he tells throughout the series, and by the end of ADWD, he hates Tyrion for his scheming and knowing too much information than Varys wished him to know.
But there is a bigger telling point about how much Varys uses Tyrion, and a more ground-breaking twist in the narrative that reflects both how much Varys underestimates Tyrion and how much Varys never cared for him;
In ASOS, Varys didn't tell Tyrion how to reach the Tower of the Hand to go and kill Tywin. Varys told him this key information so that Tyrion could go and kill Shae instead, who Varys considered a greater threat to him.
Shae is one of the few, perhaps the only, people in ASOIAF to see through Varys' disguises;

A whiff of something rank made him turn his head. Shae stood in the door behind him, dressed in the silvery robe he'd given her. I loved a maid as white as winter, with moonglow in her hair. Behind her stood one of the begging brothers, a portly man in filthy patched robes, his bare feet crusty with dirt, a bowl hung about his neck on a leather thong where a septon would have worn a crystal. The smell of him would have gagged a rat. "Lord Varys has come to see you," Shae announced. The begging brother blinked at her, astonished. Tyrion laughed. "To be sure. How is it you knew him when I did not?" She shrugged. "It's still him. Only dressed different." - ACOK - TYRION X

This catches Varys off guard, and any chance of seeing him being angry or looking threatened is waved away from the reader when Tyrion laughs it off and turns his attention again to his paramour Shae.
Wearing disguises is a very important part of Varys' many schemes, including visiting Ned Stark in the Black Cells as the gaoler Rugen;

"Wine," a voice answered. It was not the rat-faced man; this gaoler was stouter, shorter, though he wore the same leather half cape and spiked steel cap. "Drink, Lord Eddard." He thrust a wineskin into Ned's hands. The voice was strangely familiar, yet it took Ned Stark a moment to place it. "Varys?" he said groggily when it came. He touched the man's face. "I'm not … not dreaming this. You're here." The eunuch's plump cheeks were covered with a dark stubble of beard. Ned felt the coarse hair with his fingers. Varys had transformed himself into a grizzled turnkey, reeking of sweat and sour wine. "How did you … what sort of magician are you?" - AGOT - EDDARD XV

His disguise as Rugen is very important to Varys' plans after Tyrion's disappearance from King's Landing, as Varys seeks to frame Rugen as a Tyrell puppet who broke Tyrion from imprisonment on the Tyrells' behalf, to sow division and further paranoia between Cersei and the Tyrells;

Gold, yes, but the moment Cersei took it she could tell that it was wrong. Too small, she thought, too thin. The coin was old and worn. On one side was a king's face in profile, on the other side the imprint of a hand. "This is no dragon," she said. "No," Qyburn agreed. "It dates from before the Conquest, Your Grace. The king is Garth the Twelfth, and the hand is the sigil of House Gardener." Of Highgarden. Cersei closed her hand around the coin. What treachery is this? Mace Tyrell had been one of Tyrion's judges, and had called loudly for his death. Was that some ploy? Could he have been plotting with the Imp all the while, conspiring at Father's death? With Tywin Lannister in his grave, Lord Tyrell was an obvious choice to be King's Hand, but even so . . . "You will not speak of this with anyone," she commanded. - AFFC - CERSEI II

But this ploy to incite conflict between the Lannisters and Tyrells would have failed if Shae had lived, as she had seen through Varys' disguises and could've warned Cersei of it, something which Varys could not allow, especially given that he considered her one of Cersei's pawns after Tyrion's trial.
It is also fundamentally not in Varys' interest for Tyrion to kill Tywin, as keeping Tywin alive for now would ensure the Dornish would have someone to rise up and seek vengeance against for Elia's murder. As readers are shown in AFFC and ADWD Dornish chapters, the Martells are divided and frankly confused about how to seek vengeance for Elia's murder now that Tywin, Gregor and Armory Lorch - the three men involved in her murder - are now dead. **If Tywin had lived, Varys could've played on the Dornish thirst for vengeance against him and had fAegon promise them it in exchange for their support, something which they likely would've agreed to.
So by this point in the post, we've explored some of the key lies of Varys' character to know for sure what he is not;

• He is not the victim of slavery or a sacrificial victim to magical fires, nor does he abhor those who worship R'hllor or magical flames
  
• He does not hate the killing and suffering of innocent children, and has actually sought to profit from it in the past
  
• He has never been a friend or ally to Tyrion Lannister but has instead used him, and even manipulated him into killing Shae to protect one of Varys' own future schemes
  

So who is the real Varys? Behind all of these lies and deceptions, who is he really deep down?
Well, Varys is not a eunuch, and in fact fAegon's true father by blood. Varys has deliberately spent his life lying about being a eunuch in order to discourage people from the truth that he is the father of fAegon by Illyrio’s sister, and wants to control the Iron Throne through fAegon.
Recall Varys' conversation with Tyrion in ACOK that I previously cited earlier;

"He accuses my brother and sister of incest. I wonder how he came by that suspicion." "Perhaps he read a book and looked at the color of a bastard's hair, as Ned Stark did, and Jon Arryn before him. Or perhaps someone whispered it in his ear." The eunuch's laugh was not his usual giggle, but deeper and more throaty. "Someone like you, perchance?" "Am I suspected? It was not me." "If it had been, would you admit it?" "No. But why should I betray a secret I have kept so long? It is one thing to deceive a king, and quite another to hide from the cricket in the rushes and the little bird in the chimney. Besides, the bastards were there for all to see." - ACOK - TYRION III

"Why should I betray a secret I have kept so long?" is the biggest hint towards fAegon's existence and Varys' own true motivations in the entire series. Varys makes this spur of the moment claim after being caught off guard by Tyrion and doesn't think it through before saying it and letting Tyrion realise there is more to him.
Varys was never castrated and he is not bald. He deliberately shaves his head to hide his true parentage and lies about being a eunuch to discourage people from believing that he is capable of fathering a child, a child with Blackfyre blood that he wishes to sit on the Iron Throne, a secret that Varys has cared for and kept so long.
The last time we see Varys in ADWD, he finally begins to tell the truth about fAegon's existence, and when he does, and speaks about the son he loves, he begins to speak in his real, deeper and non-emasculated voice;**

"Aegon?" For a moment he did not understand. Then he remembered. A babe swaddled in a crimson cloak, the cloth stained with his blood and brains. "Dead. He's dead." "No." The eunuch's voice seemed deeper. "He is here. Aegon has been shaped for rule since before he could walk. He has been trained in arms, as befits a knight to be, but that was not the end of his education. He reads and writes, he speaks several tongues, he has studied history and law and poetry. A septa has instructed him in the mysteries of the Faith since he was old enough to understand them. He has lived with fisherfolk, worked with his hands, swum in rivers and mended nets and learned to wash his own clothes at need. He can fish and cook and bind up a wound, he knows what it is like to be hungry, to be hunted, to be afraid. Tommen has been taught that kingship is his right. Aegon knows that kingship is his duty, that a king must put his people first, and live and rule for them." - ADWD - EPILOGUE

This is who Varys truly is - not a eunuch, not a victim of slavery or castration, not a man who weeps for the suffering of children, not a friend of Tyrion Lannister, but a loving father who wishes to cast a very large shadow over the greatest empire the world of ASOIAF has ever known.
TLDR:
Varys is not a eunuch but instead the father of fAegon, a secret he has spent his life protecting, and a lie he has spent his life telling to better protect his son.
Varys does not hate R'hllor or those who worship magical flames, his entire story about his manhood being sacrificed to flames is a lie he tells to gain Tyrion's trust in their efforts to defeat Stannis in ACOK. Varys is close friends with Illyrio, a man who praises R'hllor, and spent the early parts of his life encouraging Aerys to feed innocent people to the flames of wildfire.
Varys does not hate the suffering of innocent children, he was prepared to buy an innocent child from a man and sacrifice him in order to protect the "real" Aegon, he was prepared to abandon Rhaenys to her brutal death even if he could have saved her too and prepared to send Viserys and Daenerys into a doomed invasion of Westeros that would've led to their deaths just to make fAegon appear a more heroic saviour compared to them.
Varys was never a friend or ally to Tyrion but instead was using him ever since they first met. He has repeatedly withheld important information from him such as who hired Mandon Moore to kill Tyrion and how Stannis figured out the truth about Cersei's children, and on frequent occasions has nearly openly laughed in Tyrion's face at both his misfortune and the information Varys withheld from him. Varys also manipulated Tyrion into killing Shae so that she would not expose Varys' identity as Rugen and didn't trust Tyrion with the information about fAegon's existence, something that Tyrion had to figure out himself. Varys also talks lowly of Tyrion at the end of ADWD as a "conniving Imp" which reflects Varys' true feelings about Tyrion.
Varys has spent his life shaving his hair and lying about being a eunuch to discourage anyone from believing he could father fAegon and better protect him, so that fAegon could one day take the Iron Throne, and cast a very large shadow over the Targaryen Empire forever.
Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed this theory be sure to read some of my other theories below;
All the signs that Tywin directly gave the Mountain the order to badly mistreat Elia Martell
The Father Rhaegaer, the Son Jon and the Holy Ghost Ghost, religious symbolism
Mance Rayder is a servant of the Others
Leyton Hightower is the Lord of Light and Malora Maid is Quaithe
2022 archive of ASOIAF theories available at the bottom of this post

As darkened clouds loomed overhead, lightning tore through the sky, illuminating the dark forest with a brilliant burst of light. The crackling energy split the heavens, casting jagged veins of illumination across the landscape. The resounding BOOM that followed reverberated through the air, shaking the very foundation of Cornelia's cozy cabin. Inside, she reclined in her plush chair, enveloped in its welcoming embrace. A soft, crackling warmth emanated from the fireplace, casting a gentle glow that bathed the room in a comforting radiance. She sighed contentedly, the flickering flames casting dancing shadows on the walls, as if they were performers in a mesmerizing show.
"A good sign, isn't that right, Wendy?" Cornelia whispered, her voice a delicate murmur filled with reassurance and affection.
“Wendy wike wain,” said Wendy, with her lustrous ebony-colored fluff, nestled against Cornelia's stomach, her presence a velvety touch against her skin. The room filled with a soft, contented humming as Wendy expressed her happiness.
Cornelia smiled as her pale fingers traced gentle paths along Wendy's back, their movements a tender caress. Her gaze drifted to the window, where nature orchestrated a symphony of raindrops cascading against the glass. Each droplet carried its own rhythm, harmonizing with the crackling fire to create a symphony of soothing melodies.
As Cornelia admired Wendy, a sense of curiosity began to blossom within her. Were there other fluffies out there with the same unique hue? Elves and wealthy humans often boasted vibrant and diverse-colored fluffies in their care, while the "street-rat" fluffies that roamed alleyways possessed more muted variations. Yet, Wendy's fur was a rarity—pure black that held an air of mystique.
Whispers had spread among the villages, snaking through ears and fuelling imaginations. Tales, distorted and embellished, spoke of a sinister pact between Cornelia and the Demon Vlae. In their twisted narratives, the villagers claimed that the evil spirit-lord resided within Wendy, bestowing upon her the cloak of inky blackness.
Cornelia knew these rumours to be falsehoods, mere figments of overactive imaginations, but that did little to quell the villagers' misguided intentions. Not wanting the villagers to burn her at the stake, Cornelia made a deliberate choice to slip away into the embrace of the ancient woods. There, among the towering sentinels of bark and the rustling tapestry of fallen leaves, she sought solace and a life of peace with Wendy.
Just as Cornelia and Wendy began to settle into a tranquil nap, an insistent knocking on the cabin door shattered the serene atmosphere. The abrupt interruption stirred them from their drowsy state, pulling them back into the realm of uncertainty and peril.
Ygor knocked on the door with the force of a strong but controlled thunder. The heavy wooden door swung open by itself, revealing a flaming shadow with crimson eyes that glare into his very soul.
“You do not disturb a witch’s nap you...” scowled Cornelia but she paused upon seeing a sad yet familiar ogre standing before her.
In the ogre's hands, cradled gently like a fragile treasure, was an injured blue fluffy curled up into a ball. The fluffy's delicate hooves pressed against her belly as she whimpered in pain, her soft cries filling the air with a heart-wrenching melody. The scent of fear and desperation clung to her, mingling with the damp earthiness that permeated the cabin.
Cornelia's piercing gaze softened, her eyes lingering on the wounded blue fluffy nestled in Ygor's hands. The dancing flames of the crackling fireplace painted shifting shadows on her face, accentuating the genuine concern etched across her soft features.
“Ygor?” asked Cornelia, her voice a gentle murmur that wrapped around the room.
“Ygor need help, widdle fluffy hurt” replied Ygor, his voice filled with a mix of deep worry and desperation.
"Bring her inside," Cornelia replied, stepping aside and waited for the giant ogre to enter her home. "Don't worry, the cabin is bigger on the inside," she reassured him, her words imbued with a touch of enchantment.
Ygor carefully stepped into the cabin, his massive form casting long shadows against the sturdy wooden walls. Inside, he found himself awestruck by the magic in the cabin. The air is alive with ethereal energy, a tangible testament to Cornelia's formidable abilities.
With deliberate grace, Ygor approached Cornelia, his every movement infused with cautious tenderness. The crackling flames of the fireplace cast a soft, golden glow that danced and flickered, creating a mesmerizing play of light and shadows across the room.
Cornelia placed a soft, crimson blanket on the smooth surface of the wooden table, its vibrant hue contrasting against the rustic backdrop of the cabin. Cornelia's voice resonated with warmth and reassurance as she spoke; her words carrying the echoes of countless months spent mastering witchcraft.
"It's one of the first spells I had to learn as a witch, so don't worry about trying to fit in," Cornelia assured Ygor, her tone comforting like a soft caress.
"Now, tell me what happened," Cornelia gently prompted, her voice a melodic invitation to share their burdens.
Her empathetic eyes fixed upon Ygor and the poor fluffy, eagerly awaiting their tale of woe. The fire crackled and the raindrops tapped against the window, forming a soothing symphony that seemed to draw the elements closer, eager to listen and offer solace.
“Ygor fed fwuffy raw meat, now fwuffy tummy hurts,” Ygor explained.
“wed’ meat? Fwuffies nu’ eat wed’ meat” Wendy exclaimed, her eyes widened with fear and confusion.
“Put her on the table!” Cornelia's command sliced through the air, her voice resonating with authority as she directed Ygor to carefully place the injured fluffy on the plush red blanket that adorned the sturdy wooden table.
With eager determination, Wendy scurried towards Cornelia. The little fluffy snatched a flask from a nearby shelf. The green liquid concocted from the nearby river and the roots of an ancient tree glowed inside the flask. The aromatic scent of the potion wafted through the air, mingling with the comforting aroma of burning wood. Ygor's sensitive nose caught a hint of bones in the fragrance, causing him to raise an eyebrow in curiosity.
“Ygor smell bones” said Ygor upon picking up a strange scent coming from the flask.
"It's just the potion, Ygor. You can sit near the bookshelf; I'll handle this," reassured Cornelia as she guided Ygor to a seat beside the collection of well-worn tomes. His heavy footsteps resonated against the wooden floor, creating a gentle vibration that shook the nearby furniture.
Meanwhile, Wendy, her ebony-colored fluff rustling with each hurried step, made her way to the kitchen. The soft tapping of her little legs echoed through the cabin, the sound blending with the crackling fire and the rhythmic pitter-patter of rain against the window. Guided by Cornelia's request, Wendy retrieved a bowl of ash and garlic, their distinct scents mingling in the air, creating a heady mixture of earthiness and protection.
Cornelia's hands moved with practiced precision, like a knife gliding through the cloves of garlic as if guided by an invisible force. With each expert stroke, the pungent aroma of freshly cut garlic permeated the air, mingling with the earthy scent of the wooden table.
Once the garlic lay in neat, small pieces, Cornelia turned her attention to the bowl. She poured the green liquid into its depths, a shimmering cascade that glimmered like emerald flames. As the liquid settled, Cornelia's voice hummed with an incantation, her words carrying the weight of ancient knowledge and power.
In an instant, a flicker of green fire sprang to life, dancing atop the surface of the liquid. Its ethereal glow cast a surreal illumination, transforming the ordinary bowl into a vessel of enchantment. Shadows flickered and played upon the cabin walls, as if the very room had become a stage for magic itself.
Ygor's gaze locked onto Blue, his eyes filled with concern as he witnessed her unconscious. Despite her silent state, his sensitive ears detected faint, almost imperceptible whimpering that tugged at his heartstrings.
In a mesmerizing display of magic, a radiant golden light took the form of Cornelia's hand, delicately reaching towards the green flame. As her hand made contact, a breathtaking transformation ensued. The liquid within the bowl seemed to defy gravity, soaring out of its confines with graceful fluidity. It floated in the air, suspended like a glistening bubble, casting an iridescent glow that bathed the cabin in a surreal radiance.
The floating liquid became a canvas for the dancing and shimmering golden light, which traced intricate patterns written in the runes of magic. With every subtle movement and shift, the elixir responded, guided by Cornelia's hand, as if it were alive. The soft, ethereal hum resonated through the cabin, its gentle vibrations filling the air and contributing to the enchanting atmosphere that enveloped the space.
Ygor's eyes widened in awe as he witnessed this captivating spectacle, his senses fully immersed in the enchantment unfolding before him. The delicate scent of the potion wafted through the air, an intoxicating blend of natural ingredients and mystical energies. It mingled with the comforting aroma of burning firewood, creating an olfactory tapestry that enveloped the room.
“Wemembeh’ jus’ one dwop o’ fwuffy fwend goes fowebah sweepies” Wendy reminded, her voice filled with caution and trepidation. The anticipation was palpable, causing her little legs to tremble with a mixture of anxiety and hope.
“I know, Wendy” Cornelia replied with concern. Slowly, with delicate precision, she reached out and began removing the intricately carved magic runes that encircled the floating bubble. Each rune dislodged weakened the magic, and the room seemed to hold its breath in anticipation.
As the runes dissipated one by one, a single drop from the shimmering green bubble fell into Blue's mouth, like a droplet of life itself. In that fleeting moment, the magic took hold, invigorating her senses and drawing her back from the abyss of unconsciousness. Blue's eyes fluttered open, her vision initially blurry as she adjusted to the renewed world around her. Gradually, the fog lifted, revealing the figure of another fluffy sitting in front of her, a woman with a mysterious allure, half of her face veiled by a cascade of hair, and Ygor, the gentle ogre.
Blue wakes up, her vision blurry at first. When they cleared, she saw another fluffy sitting in front of her, a strange woman with half her face covered by her hair, and Ygor.
"Mommeh?" Blue's voice trembled with a mixture of longing and confusion, seeking comfort in the familiarity of a mother's embrace.
"No, sorry," Cornelia replied gently, her voice carrying a touch of sympathy. With great care, she cradled Blue in her hands, providing a sense of security and protection.
The cabin enveloped them in a cocoon of warmth and safety, shielding them from the world's uncertainties.
"Let's give you a bath before I return you to Ygor, is that okay?" Cornelia offered, her words laced with kindness and concern. Blue nodded, a silent agreement to the caring gesture that awaited her.
As Cornelia cradled Blue in her arms, Ygor's curious gaze wandered to the bookshelf, where a plush velvet tome caught his attention. With a gentle touch, he retrieved the book, feeling the smoothness of the fabric beneath his fingertips. Opening it, Ygor's eyes widened at the sight of a meticulously drawn map, its intricate details beckoning him into a world he's never seen before.
His gaze shifted to the strange numbers inscribed alongside the map, written in elegant script that danced across the aged parchment. Ygor traced the lines and deciphered the enigmatic message contained within.
"Two... tw-twenty-six degrees, twelve minutes, and forty-four seconds, N—No- no- north," Ygor read aloud, his voice filled with curiosity.
Cornelia emerged from the bath, her bare feet padding softly against the wooden floor, carrying Blue wrapped in a clean towel. Drops of water glistened upon her skin like scattered diamonds, reflecting the warm glow of the cabin's hearth. She approached Ygor, her presence radiating a sense of wisdom and familiarity.
"It seems you've improved since the last time I met you," Cornelia remarked, her voice carrying a tone of admiration.
The scent of lavender lingered in the air, intermingling with the comforting aroma of freshly brewed tea.
“Ygor been reading lots lately, collected many books” Ygor proudly proclaimed. The room resonated with the gentle rustling of pages, as each one whispered a tale of knowledge and discovery.
Gently placing Blue on the floor, Cornelia watched with fondness as the little fluffy’s hooves create a delicate patter against the wooden surface as she scurried towards Ygor. She then nuzzled against his massive leg, seeking solace and comfort. A warm smile graced Cornelia's lips.
"That's truly admirable," Cornelia remarked, her voice carrying a gentle cadence. The crackling fire painted flickering shadows upon the walls, enveloping the space in a comforting embrace. The scent of smoldering logs mingled with the sweet fragrance of wildflowers, creating an enchanting symphony for the senses.
“Until the ‘metal people’ burnt them along with Ygor house” Ygor replied, his voice echoed with a touch of sorrow. The weight of his words hung in the air, mingling with the flickering shadows cast by the crackling flames.
"The metal people," Cornelia mused, her thoughts drifting to the relentless knights of The King. The weight of their armored presence pressed upon her mind, like a looming storm cloud on the horizon. The memory of their arrival, their steel-clad boots treading upon the sacred grounds of the Old World, sent shivers down her spine. Their presence had brought upheaval, disrupting the delicate balance of harmony and magic that once thrived.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Cornelia said, her voice laced with sincerity. "You can stay here as long as you need," she assured, her words offering solace and a sense of belonging amidst the uncertainty of the outside world.
“Thank you, Ygor will find new home soon,” Ygor replied. “By the way, Ygor find black fluffy interesting, never seen one before,” he remarked, pointing towards Wendy.
Cornelia followed his gaze, her eyes tracing the ebony contours of Wendy's fur. The contrast of darkness against light evoked a sense of curiosity and wonder.
“I saw her in an alley a couple of months ago while I was gathering ingredients,” Cornelia recalled as she adjusted her favorite chair, drawing it closer to Ygor's seat. Blue and Wendy sat side by side, their eyes filled with anticipation as they listen to the story Cornelia is about to tell.
--NOTE-- A drawing of Wendy

This will be a longwinded discourse, it's an ongoing random thought. It's going to be contentious perhaps, but I hope not, because that's not where I'm coming from at all. I'd like to think I've reached a point in which I'm not really all that concerned about any given person's qualifiers anymore.
They don't really tell me much about who that person is. And that's what kind of gets lost in a lot of this stuff.
We tend to fuck up group dynamics with individuals in ways that promote division. I'm not really about that. I don't care what your ideologies or identifiers are.
Be you. I'm okay with it because I don't particularly give a shit. Right?
I say that with a loving kindness that the words probably do not convey. But that's true too. I wish the best for each of you. A better world for you, is a better world for me. It's not altruism, it's just reality.
Where technology is taking us, where it already has? It's shown us that it doesn't really matter what your qualifiers are at all. Just your ideas. Look at Reddit. For all of its cesspool nature, it got that right.
Can I be honest. If I'm walking down the street in a bad neighborhood of a city, at 3 in the morning. And down the sidewalk comes a group that looks like trouble?
I'm probably going to walk to the other side of the street.
I think that's an appropriate behavior given the circumstances I'm presented with. Does the skin color of this group matter to me? Not a fucking bit. I'd be pissing my pants terrified regardless. It's a group of people that seem to be looking for trouble at 3am in a bad neighborhood.
We have to make assumptions in life. I don't get offended when I'm mistaken for a woman over the phone or drive-thru. I don't particularly enjoy the experience. But I get it. It happens enough that I must have an effeminate voice. Not the manly man my father would have been proud of, but you know what? Doesn't fucking matter. Awkard moments are the spice of life after all.
I get that people mistake me for a Wal-mart employee. Again, never a pleasant situation. But I'm just that guy that looks like he might know something or at least be helpful. And I dress like I belong there. It is what it is.
I'm not advocating racism. I'm not advocating hatred. That does truly exist in this world and it does none of us a service to ignore it or pretend as if it didn't. But it's not what I'm advocating at all. I hope the people that have hate in their hearts can find the opportunity to educate themselves to a point in which its gone. Its no service to them either. It's suboptimal for our species.
This isn't that.
This is merely pointing out that not everything is inherently and individually offensive. That we have stereotypes. That it's not always appropriate to apply them, but certainly there are times in which we do, to our benefit.
Most people, at least in my personal estimate, don't take it as fact; Most people aren't hateful. We're all selectively tribal however. That leads every single one of us on this planet to have preference towards the people most like us. But it's not based on race, or sex, or gender, or anything else. It's based on proximity. Who you grew up with.
We confuse that a lot.
Just random thoughts.

Black screen
Lee Jung Jae: Close your eyes.
Asian male youngling along with a Tarsunt youngling meditating in a Jedi chamber.
Lee Jung Jae: Your eyes can deceive you.
The rest of the class is revealed. A young girl is in focus. A master in golden robes is walking trough the class.
Lee Jung Jae: We must not trust them.
A stranger in black robes walking trough a planet that looks like a mix between Nevarro, Tatooine and Jakku. Walks trough a busy marketplace street.
Lee Jung Jae turns to the class
Lee Jung Jae: The Force is powerful.
The stranger enters a cantina. Bunch of silly new aliens in there.
She walks towards a table.
Lee Jung Jae: It is power
Carrie Ann Moss in brown robes, sitting at a table, turns towards something.
Lee Jung Jae: You must respect it.
Carrie Ann Moss defending herself with force martial arts against the stranger who is now holding a knife.
The stranger is masked. You can't see anything below her eyes.
Lucasfilm Logo.
A jedi in golden robes walking towards a mountain in the snow.
A mon cala Jedi Master being saluted by a group of padawan in the same jedi chamber from the start.
A Jedi (Charlie Barnett) with a female Zygerrian Jedi on a Neimodian ship. He appears to be using the force.
Three neimodians on the same ship. They appear to be in alert.
A castle that looks like Maz's?
Interior that looks like a high tech version of Maz's castle. What appears to be two Jedi are discussion in a hallway. Someone dressed in black is eavesdropping.
A figure in black is approaching someone in white robes. Not Jedi.
The dark figure strikes at the person in white robes. It is an alien. It stays completely immobile. The shot cuts before we see what happens.
Charlie Barnett now wearing brown robes is walking trough an Ice cave with a pantoran Jedi. He turns on his yellow saber and does a little twirl.
Vernestra Rwoh opening the door at a Jedi temple with the force. She is wearing the same robes as in the book.
Manny Jacinto looking. He's looks rough with brown robes. Either the cantina or Vernestra Rwoh planet.
Carrie Ann Moss, Lee Jung Jae, Dean Charles Chapman and the wookiee, all wearing brown robes, are encircled by figures in black robes in what appears to be a scrapyard. They're looking at something big.
Jodie Turner Smith wearing a blue gown and a golden headpiece, walking trough a crowd of people in blue robes. Looks like a religious cult.
Jodie Turner Smith: This isn't about good or bad.
Back to the cantina fight. Carrie Ann Moss stops the stranger mid-stab with the force.
Shot of Jodie Turner Smith talking to someone. She says: This is about power.
Lee Jung Jae and two other Jedi on the Ice Planet (maybe Charlie and the Pantoran, I can't remember). They appear to be struggling against the wind in a blizzard. They stop to loop at something.
Zabrak fighting with a stick. Probably on the scrapyard planet with the group of Jedi. She is wearing dark robes.
The stranger from the cantina walking trough a street at night.
Jodie Turner Smith: And who's allowed to use it.
9 Jedi, including Lee Jung Jae, Charlie and the Pantoran, standing ground it front of something that looks like the Rebel base at Yavin 4. They turn on their saber.
Lee Jung Jae: Blue
Charlie: Yellow
Pantoran: Green
The other colors are 1 blue, 2 yellow and 2 greens.
Trailer ends.
I haven't read the books, but a friend told me the villains in blue-dark robes looked like the Path Of The Open Hands from the High Republic.

Hey guys, I'm more of a mortal Kombat guy and I'm having a hard time figuring out the buttons for street fighter, I mean in a way that they show the "light punch/heavy punch" instead of "square/circle" for playstation in my case. Therefore I'm struggling in tutorials cause I can't remember when they show colors instead of buttons. I'll probably get used to it, but I would like to know if there's an option to change the visualization. Thanks!

DOES NOT INCLUDE SHIPPING
Will give 10% off if purchase is over $150 and you get 3 or more things!
if my price is higher then price charting let me know and we can discuss
if you want pics just ask, most cart games are loose unless specified
willing to discount on big purchases
will ship for free if total is over 175 unless specified otherwise shipping starts around $7 boxed
accepting venmo & paypal f&f right now
will prioritize big purchases
always willing to negotiate, please ask

system	name	price
Sega Dreamcast	Dreamcast Broadband Adapter (CiB)	103
Switch	Wild Guns Reloaded (NiB)	20
Switch	Retro City Rampage DX [Collector's Edition] (NiB)	95
Switch	Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Steelbook + Game)	130
Switch	Sonic Mania: Collector's Edition (NiB + Ships at Cost)	58
Wii U	Pokken Tournament [Shadow Mewtwo Amiibo Card]	27
Wii U	Hello Kitty Kruisers (NiB)	45
Wii U	Axiom Verge Multiverse Edition (NiB)	150
Wii	Mario Party 8 (NiB)	45
Wii	Resident Evil 4 (NiB)	22
GameCube	Nintendo Black GameCube with PicoBoot (System Only)	90
GameCube	Super Smash Bros Melee - Factory Sealed Players Choice (NiB)	270
Gameboy	Spiritual Warfare (No Sticker)	18
Gameboy	King Of Fighters 95	13
Gameboy Color	Mega Memory Card	27
GameBoy Advance	Blackthorne	22
GameBoy Advance	Super Mario Advance 2 (Ripped Label)	10
GameBoy Advance	Nintendo Game Boy Advance Funny Playing GBA Motherboard with Laminated 3.0 IPS Clear Shell (Red or Yellow PCB)	229
GameBoy Advance	Nintendo Game Boy Advance Funny Playing GBA Motherboard (Black PCB with CPU & RAM populated)	130
NES	Nintendo NES Classic Edition Controller	25
Playstation 2	Silver Slim Playstation 2 (System Only)	70
Amiibo	Mega Man (NiB)	16
Amiibo	Sonic Amiibo (NiB)	45
Amiibo	Nintendo Animal Crossing Isabelle Shizue CP Card	45
Amiibo	Meta Knight Amiibo (NiB)	20
Sega Game Gear	Streets of Rage 2	15

Dear PROP/CDC, Here's What Happens When You Over-Restrict Pills: More Deaths. Nice Going. By Josh Bloom — December 12, 2018 No Explanation Needed. Photo: winsomeaunt.blogspot [1] If Shakespeare were alive today he would be hard-pressed to come up with a script that could match the tragedy that has been imposed on this country by self-appointed drug experts, bureaucrats, self-serving politicians, and various other fools. It's that bad. And it was largely preventable.
So, let's all congratulate the CDC for sticking its nose where it should not have been and the P hysicians Responsible for Opioid Prohibition (1) for creating a mess that we will not be getting out of anytime soon.
A new report [2] from in the December 12th National Vital Statistics Reports (NVSR) confirms what patient pain advocates and I have been saying all along - that we've been fighting the wrong war (against prescription opioid analgesics) and, in doing so, managed to screw two things up at the same time. 1. Pain patients are suffering 2. More people, not fewer, are dying
One can only hope that the press, which has been pathetically inept in its coverage of the "opioid crisis," which is really the "fentanyl crisis," might pay attention to the new report and possibly start to get the story right. But don't get your hopes up. To do so would entail not only reading the report but also, understanding what it says.
I'll make it easy for them. As I've written repeatedly, pills are not the real problem (See No, Vicodin Is Not The Real Killer In The Opioid Crisis [3]and The Opioid Epidemic In 6 Charts Designed To Deceive You [4]); it is the difficulty of obtaining them that is now. The NVSR makes this painfully obvious.
Here's why. In 2011 (Table 1), there were 41,340 overdose deaths from all drugs - legal, illegal, prescription, and over the counter. Oxycodone was the primary cause of OD deaths (5,587, 13.5% of total). But a closer look at Table 1 reveals some interesting facts. Table 1. The 15 drugs responsible for most overdose deaths in 2011. Source: National Vital Statistics Reports A closer look at Table 1 (I added the notes in color) reveals some interesting trends. Although oxycodone leads the pack with 5,587 deaths, illegal drugs, heroin, cocaine, and methamphetamine, killed twice as many people (and alcohol killed 80,000). The number for heroin is almost certainly too low, probably by a lot. This is because heroin is rapidly metabolized to morphine, so someone who died from a heroin overdose will also test positive for morphine. Since people on the street generally, don't inject themselves with morphine, it is plausible that most of the morphine overdoses were actually from heroin.
Although two benzodiazepine sedatives, Xanax and Valium are on the list, this is somewhat misleading.
Virtually all of these deaths are a result of concomitant use of alcohol or opioids. It is virtually impossible to kill yourself with Valium alone. In a case study [5], a woman who tried to commit suicide took 2,000 mg of the drug - the equivalent of 400 five milligram pills and walked out of the hospital two days later. (See Can Valium Kill You? [6]).
In high doses, patients may manifest coma, respiratory depression, hypotension, hypothermia, and rhabdomyolysis. Otherwise, benzodiazepines are remarkably safe as single agents. TOXNET [7], Toxicology Data Network Now, let's take a look at the same data for 2016 (Table 2). The changes are startling. Table 2. Overdose deaths from the 15 most common drugs. Note that adding the percentages results in a number considerably higher than 100.
Likewise, adding the number of deaths gives a number greater than 63,632. This is because when multiple drugs are involved they are all counted. The term "fentanyl deaths" almost always means "illicit fentanyl and its analogs, not prescriptions patches. In Table 2, the damage of six years of bad policy becomes evident. Despite a 25% reduction in opioid prescriptions [8] during that time, 22,292 (54%) more people died from drug overdoses, despite the fact that the number of OD deaths from oxycodone (Percocet) and hydrocodone (Vicodin) remained essentially unchanged.
And there's more (and it's really crazy). Note that the number of deaths from diphenhydramine (Benadryl) isn't terribly different from the number from Vicodin. Are we having a "Benadryl Crisis?" And even crazier - look at gabapentin (Neurontin, yellow arrow). Neurontin is being used like crazy (mostly off-label) as an alternative to opioids. Except it doesn't work. But it managed to creep into the Top 15 list. I'm speechless.
So, here's the report card: Restricting prescriptions of opioid analgesics had approximately zero effect on overdose deaths from the pills.
But it did result in incalculable suffering of pain patients. And it also caused more deaths as oxycodone users switched to heroin, something we've known since 2010.
This switch created a huge heroin market, which was filled by fentanyl starting in 2014 (Figure 1). Figure 1. Deaths from illicit fentanyl and its analogs 2014-2017 (blue hatch line). The red circle shows that fentanyl overdose deaths were rare before 2014 but were by far the major cause of death (green circle) in 2017. Source: National Institute on Drug Abuse [9]. If this is not an example of an abysmal policy then nothing is. Yet, despite this overwhelming evidence, we still hear crap like this: When you talk about opioid pain medicines, we’re essentially talking about heroin pills Andrew Kolodny, Executive director of Physicians for Responsible Opioid Prescribing. 2017?????? [10] No, Andrew, we're not. Read this article and then try to make that same statement with a straight face.
The false narrative of prescriptions doing the killing persists despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. The longer it persists, more pain patients will suffer and more people will die.
These charts are not lying. Too bad I can't say the same about others. NOTE: (1) I changed the name of the group to something more accurate. So sue me. COPYRIGHT © 1978-2016 BY THE AMERICAN COUNCIL ON SCIENCE AND HEALTH Source URL:
https://www.acsh.org/news/2018/12/12/dear-propcdc-heres-what-happens-when-you-over- restrict-pills-more-deaths-nice-going-13663
Links
[1] http://winsomeaunt.blogspot.com/2012/02/enough-already.html
[2] https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsnvsr67/nvsr67_09-508.pdf
[3] https://www.acsh.org/news/2017/04/12/no-vicodin-not-real-killer-opioid-crisis-11123
[4] https://www.acsh.org/news/2017/10/12/opioid-epidemic-6-charts-designed-deceive-you-11935
[5] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/357765
[6] https://www.acsh.org/news/2017/01/04/can-valium-kill-you-10675
[7] https://toxnet.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/sis/search/a?dbs+hsdb:@[email protected]+7207
[8] https://www.aafp.org/news/health-of-the-public/20180425opioidstudy.html
[9] https://www.drugabuse.gov/related-topics/trends-statistics/overdose-death-rates
[10] https://www.cjonline.com/business/local/2017-08-29/it-s-coming-kansas-health-professionals-leaders- consider-opioid-crisis

A small pet peeve of mine is how the four lane roads have yellow street lights, while the two lanes and six lanes have white ones. Does anyone know of any modes that modify the colors so they're consistent? I tried searching the workshop, but couldn't find anything.

A bit of background about myself. I'd never driven an EV prior to yesterday. My only exposure to driver assistance features was in a 2021 Subaru Outback which I owned for 1.5 years in which I used the lane centering and adaptive cruise features extensively (both highways and city streets). I sold the Subaru for a $1,500 profit a few months ago due to the crazy market and I'm using my old 2005 Toyota Camry. I decided to have some fun with my 15 year old son this weekend so we rented a Tesla. I'm also seriously considering purchasing one in the next year or so. Here's our experience so far:

• We got the Tesla with a 93 percent charge, but I arrived for my appointment 30 minutes early so it probably would have been charged to 100 percent. They were very straightforward and friendly.
• They require an 80 percent charge upon return or they'll charge a fee which is an obvious attempt to gouge the customer.
• We only got a quick introduction to the car from the Hertz representative but that's because I insisted I watched tons of videos, etc. Once my son and I were left on our own, we were lost for about 15 minutes just trying to find the general screen for the controls, etc. I wanted to put the rental agreement in the glove box, and that took like 5 minutes.
• After using the car for several hours, the layout for the features and controls is getting to seem natural and second nature. I'm not finding the lack of buttons and knobs in the cabin to be an issue whatsoever, and if anything it should make it easy to clean the car on car wash days.
• Autopilot Positives: This is a big deal for me! The idea of taking long road trips on the highway and letting the car manage the braking/acceleration and steering is awesome. Compared to my Subaru with Eyesight, the autosteer (lane centering) on the Tesla is MUCH more capable. The Tesla can handle very tight curves on highways and on backroads that the Subaru would have immediately disengaged on. Also, pressing down twice on the stalk to engage the system is much easier than the three separate buttons I need to engage on the Subaru to initially engage the system (once the system was engaged, it was easy to reengage).
• Autopilot Negatives: The positives of the autopilot system are impressive, but so far I've found significant drawbacks. Every 15 to 25 seconds the system requires me to put pressure on the wheel which is understandable. However, it doesn't sense the pressure I put, and I'm putting a decent amount of back and forth pressure on the steering wheel. Usually the system eventually recognizes the pressure, but sometimes I inadvertently force myself out of autopilot and have to tap down twice on the stalk to go back in. This is really distracting and takes away from the experience. To make matters worse, twice I've had this incredible obnoxious message come up indicating I was locked out of autopilot for the rest of the ride. I'm putting pressure on the wheel. I'm an alert and active driver. I know how to use these systems. Stop fucking around and let me enjoy my drive. So yeah, these is a serious distraction.
• Autopilot Negatives Cont: I'm lumping the adaptive cruise feature into the autopilot umbrella for convenience. Overall I like the adaptive cruise feature on the Tesla, but the system on the Subaru is MUCH MUCH better. On the Tesla I feel like I'm too close to cars sometimes despite supposedly having 7 different distance settings. On the Subaru, I could totally set the adaptive to be too close for comfort but I could also set it too stupidly far. Also, the Tesla seems to lack refinement. If I'm coming up on a vehicle going 25 MPH slower than me, it seems to wait longer than it needs to to begin to slow down which makes the braking more abrupt. The Subaru would begin to slow the car much earlier and make the 25 MPH decline in speed seem almost unnoticeable. Mind you, I didn't feel "unsafe" with the way Tesla handled these situations, it just seemed more abrupt and therefore significantly less refined and less comfortable to the driver and passenger.
• Autopilot Negatives Cont: When changing lanes, you need to reengage autopilot. That is obviously done on purpose so you'll pay $6K for the upgraded autopilot. So here's why this really sucks. With the Subaru, I could have lane centering with adaptive cruise set to 85 MPH and be behind somebody going 60 MPH in the slow lane. I'd hit my left blinker and the Subaru would already begin to increase RPMs to prepare for the pass! By the time I got into the left lane, not only would lane centering and adaptive cruise still be active, the car would already be accelerating to pass the car! And, once you pass the car, right blinker, move back to the slow lane, and everything still remains engaged! You get none of that experience with Tesla autopilot. It keeps the adaptive cruise engaged but it doesn't pass nearly as well or as seamlessly, and the system doesn't work nearly as conveniently.
• Rain Sensing Wipers: Me and windshield wipers have a long history of mutual hate. I have never used a wiper system I've liked. Not once. I can never get my Toyota wipers to match rain fall satisfactory and the Subaru was no better. None of the cars I owned ever were. I would resort to pressing up on the wiper stalk to manually manage the wipers on my own! Well yesterday we had rain, and the rain varied. It would rain hard, it would rain soft, I would rain medium, and it would change rapidly in terms of value of rainfall. I'll be damned if that wiper system didn't perfectly handle matching the speed of the wipers to the amount of rain fall in real time. Seriously, it did it better than I could have done. The hilarious part is I didn't know the Tesla had a system, so for like an hour I was using the controls on the screen and bitching about how it was worse because I had to press a screen instead of using controls on the steering wheel. At one point, it started to rain and the wipers began moving on their own and I was like...no fucking way! So yeah, color me impressed!
• I still have another day with the car so I'll be adding to this post with more as I use the Tesla. I still want to try passing cars with the Tesla Autopilot because I feel like I'm "missing something" and not utilizing it properly. And obviously I'll have other thoughts.
• I'm really disappointed with the downvotes for this post. This is my honest assessment of the vehicle so far. It is what it is. Rather than update this post, I might just delete it alltogether. I'm not one for "pouting" but I don't like unjustified negativity because you disagree with an opinion. You don't like the auto wiper feature, doesn't mean you have to downvote a post, for instance. It's not about what YOUR opinion is, it's about MY experience.

The Order of Prince Yaroslav the Wise, fifth class, is the highest rank a Ukrainian foreign national can achieve. Its newest inductee is back home in Florida and has been in the shower so long he’s lost track of time. His feel for the present moment will return in about thirty seconds when the hot water runs out. His hair has been both shampooed and conditioned. His body throughly soaped. It’s the shower’s warm solitude he cannot leave. There is plenty to do today; an interview at a radio station at eleven, lunch with his sponsor, an early dinner at his mom’s pastor’s. All of them want to know more about his experience overseas, they want to know how the war is progressing, they want to hear how he went from Highland Hills High School to war hero. What they don’t want to hear, what David does not want to hear, is how cold his new found notoriety makes him feel. Before can explore his melancholy any further, the hot water goes. The steam rising above the shower clears as a lukewarm solution rinses the remaining soap and warmth off David’s body. He remembers taking similarly cold showers in Ukraine, and how happy he was to have them. It’s shocking how clean a man can get with a half full bucket of water and a couple of towels.
“Ah look at Abie! Clean enough for a Russian bitch.” says Bone in his thick provincial accent. Words David can’t remember Bone actually saying or they only sound like something he would say. Sitting around waiting for mechanics, waiting on orders, waiting on food, waiting on the Russians to start shooting, David didn’t know war could be so boring. The only thing Bone said he liked more than killing Russians was fucking them. The rest of the guys in the platoon knew Bone was probably lying, but he was their instructor, and they were the international volunteers, so he was never questioned. He was the only person in their platoon who spoke Russian and Ukrainian and English. One guy, this kid from Belgium, called Bone a cunt after failing to pull the pen on a grenade during a training exercise, and Bone gave it to him.
“What is this? You do not have to pull pens in Belgium? Or do you like to give your enemies the grenade so they can throw it back?” said Bone. He then effeminately ran around the kid saying, “Here Mr. German. Take my grenade. They are loud and I am afraid.” Bone comes back to his real voice. “Killing Russians is no different than driving a truck. It is your job. Don’t think. Don’t be like this Belgian. Pull the pin. Kill Russians.” The Belgian kid said something to Bone but no one knew what it was because no one spoke French. This didn’t stop Bone from hitting him in the face so hard it broke his nose. The kid quit later that day, and Bone got written up which David told him is like a kid being put in timeout during a house invasion.
“What is this time out?” Bone asked.
The water is cold so David gets out. In the kitchen his mother goes over the day’s itinerary again, just to be thorough she adds.
“Do you know where you are going David? No, sorry. Do you know where you are going Abie?” she asks as David grabs a breakfast banana.
“Yes ma’am.”
“You know parking can be difficult downtown. Be sure to take quarters for the meter.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“And be sure to be yourself. I hope they are nice to you. You know how the media likes to spin things these days. I don’t think they are too liberal but don’t let them put words in your mouth. If they ask you something you don’t want to answer, you just say ‘No comment'. You just tell your story. You are a hero. And then you’ll meet with Fred, and then dinner at Pastor's. Be there at four. If it’s ok with you I’m going to bring the medal. Pastor will want to see it. He’s a big fan of Zelensky.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Ok. Enough doting. That’s all you’re getting out to me today. Are you excited? Isn’t this exciting? News Radio 950 is doing a story about you. They want to hear about their local war hero…and that’s you. Give me a hug and get going before you are late.”
“Yes ma’am.”
In his car, David listens to Domination by Pantera at full volume. The heavy riffs, screaming and terrifying drums raise his spirit. Bone used to play it all the time. David hasn’t prepared anything for save his memory of his time in Ukraine. Perhaps Bone is giving an interview somewhere? You didn’t do anything wrong, he tells himself as he opens the station’s door. Inside he finds an attractive, young woman named Sara who has been emailing him for the past several weeks.
“Nice to officially meet. Right this way.”
David does his best not to stare at her as she leads him through corridor of offices and hallways.
“She looks nice. Go into an office with her.” says Bone.
“We’ve all been looking forward to having a more in-depth conversation with you. Our programming producer, who is also named David, will be asking you most of the questions. But I begged him to let me ask some too, so you might say I will also be interviewing you. I hope that’s ok?”
Sara’s blonde hair folds into a neat part on the left side of her head. David pictures her styling it in her bathroom, in a bathrobe. It’s been a while since he has smelled perfume. He found a bottle in an abandoned apartment in Zaporizhzhia and kept it. It had some Chinese lettering he couldn’t read, but it smelt nice. Some of the guys teased him when they found it saying he was going to attract Russian because he smelt like an Asian. Sara’s perfume smells expensive and French. She introduces him to David the producer and the three of them find three seats on the end of a conference room table. Sara sits on the same side as David. After introductions, David starts the interview by saying even though he is not sure exactly when the piece will air, he is certain it will before the end of the month. He then adds something about how David is a hero for doing what he did.
“So tell us how you found yourself in Ukraine?”
“Well it was pretty easy really. I went online and volunteered for the IVB, that was the name of my unit, the International Volunteer Brigade. I don’t think I talked to a real person until I booked my flight to Poland. It was mostly just forms I was filling out online. So yeah it was pretty easy. So I landed in Krakow and my recruiter picked me up. I stayed in a hotel for a few days while we waited on a couple more guys to show up. One was from Spain, another from Portugal. The Portuguese guy never showed, or if he did he didn’t come with us. I guess he could have volunteered with another outfit. I guess that’s the thing about the war I didn’t really expect. We were always just kinda losing people. And I don’t mean they were killed, although a lot of them were. I mean guys would just be with you one minute and gone the next. And then you’d find them a week later and I go, ‘Where have you been?’ ‘Oh I’ve been in Dnipro’ or ‘Oh I got picked up by the Regs.’ It was crazy. The only place where that didn’t happen was the front.”
“Who do you mean by ‘the Regs?’” asks David.
“The regular army. The Ukrainians. The good guys we were there to help. Sometimes they would be short a man so they’d just nab one of the volunteers. That was a bad gig. The Ukrainians wanted their most motivated guys fighting in the worst places. I only had to do it a couple of times, but…it was not something I did and wanted to do again. ”
David rubs his hand over his arm. He can’t smell the hot blonde anymore, only trench dirt and gun oil. The soil of Donetsk had a deep brown color to it he always enjoyed. Even with snipers supposedly in the area, digging was one of his favorite jobs. The earth smelled vibrant, full of worms and nitrogen and reminded him of his granddad, coming in from a day of field work, his jeans and boots caked in a rich layer of his land.
“So tell us what is it like being a hometown celebrity?” asks Sara. “You’re from here so people already know you, but what’s it like now? I mean now, gosh, everyone i know has been talking about this kid from Highland who won a medal from Zelensky. Did you get to bring it by the way? You were on the national news. It was NBC, but still…”
A bouquet of scents and questions. David looks across the room and sees Bone sitting with a heavy slouch in a chair at the other end of the conference table. He looks rough; still alive but not by much. He sits holding his side, his chin on his chest.
“It’s neat I guess. I walk down the street and people call my name. I take lots of pictures with people. Everyone is really nice. I felt like I was kinda a wallflower before.It’s something I think lots of people think about experiencing. I know I did, I just never thought it would be for this.”
“What did you want to be when you were a boy?” asks Sara.
“I don’t know. The normal stuff; doctor, fireman, my Dad was in sales, so not that. I think about it a lot. I think mostly I just wanted to be good. I didn’t like getting into trouble.”
“Oh my gosh, I was the exact same.” says Sara. Then durning her boss she adds “David, I don’t know if you knew this about me and this David, but we actually went to Highland High at the same time. I was a senior when you would have been a freshman, but I swear I remember you. I thought you were cute.”
“Don’t be trying to steal my assistant Dave. Can I call you Dave?”
“David’s fine.”
Bone perks up and tells them to call him Abie
“Ok so let’s get back on track. You’re over there, you’re fighting Russians, you’re helping the Ukrainians, can you tell us, what was that like?”
“What is war like?”
“Yeah the war, but you’re doing a good thing. You volunteered to help an oppressed people, to fight against tyranny, something I think our listeners think our government should have done a long time ago. But while our President sits on his ass, you bravely go do the thing that needs be done. God it must have been exhilarating, but I don’t know, I don’t want to put words in your mouth.”
Bone lays his head back on the desk and says something David can’t quite make out but thinks he knows what his commander is saying.
“Meta.”
“What?” asks David.
“It’s a Ukrainian word I learned while over there. It means purpose, but more than just doing a job, it’s your calling. It’s a word the priests with the beards use a lot. Everyday I knew exactly what was expected of me and what I could expect from everyone around me. I had clarity for the first time in my life. I felt like I could see for miles in every direction, like sitting on the roof watching all the cars going by.”
Bone stands up out of his chair and walks out of the office.
“Even when I was scared I knew that was to be expected. And when I was tired, I knew that too was to be expected. And when I was hungry, and wet, and cold, and angry enough to kill. I knew that too was to be expected because war is a cauldron. Everything gets boiled into a singularity. It’s terrifying but also pretty damn motivating. What sucks is that I can already feel everything starting to get cloudy again.”
Leaning his belly against the table, David leans in to ask his next question as if he does not want to be heard.
“Did you, you know…and this will be off the record…did you kill anyone else?”
Sara places her empty hand on the table, an offering for David to hold should his answer prove too much. But David knows the answer is not too much for his has thought of little else.
“Nope. Just the one.”
After another few minutes of hearing how brave he has been, how proud his family must be and how grateful the station is to have him come in, the interview is over. The producer shakes David’s hand and Sara walks him out. She mentions that friends of her’s are going to a new bar in the Depot and suggests David should come too. He says he can come but it will be late because he has dinner plans. “That’s ok. I’ll be there pretty late.”
—————————
Only a few blocks from the radio station, David pulls into a Waffle House parking lot. There is condensation on the windows of the building and cigarette butts near the door. Nothing here breathes well, David notes. Inside he finds his old sponsor sitting at booth by himself. David sees Fred before Fred sees him and for a moment considers leaving. However, he sees Bone sits in the corner of the restaurant, smiling and looking to flirt with a chubby waitress with grown sons.
“How the hell are you Abie?” says Fred. No turning back now.
“Sober for today.”
“Me too.”
The pair order eggs, toast and bacon. The cook makes each of them a waffle on the house after recognizing David. He finishes his plate before Fred can finish a piece of toast. Meals happen quick on the battlefield and David can’t seem to slow himself down long to enjoy his food. Bone is no longer in the corner. David sees him moving around the room; following an old lady into the restroom. He comes out with a grotesque look on his face. “That little woman took the biggest shit I’ve ever seen! Abie, come and look at it. It won’t flush. Call in a drone strike. We are going to have to pull back!”
“So” says Fred, “Mr. War Hero, how are you really? You’ve got recognition, a war recommendation, you’re doing interviews, you still got your sobriety. Life seems to be going well, but…”
“How I am really?” When he was in NA Fred could always sniff out if he was high. As his sponsor that was his job, but David never liked it. I know you say you’re fine, but how are your really. Effective, but crude. Fred taps his finger to the tip of his nose. Bingo kid. David looks around the room for Bone but doesn’t find him.
“I’m good man. Things are going well. Everyone always asks me how I’m doing, but I’m really fine. I honestly don’t feel much different than when I left. Same shit different day you know? Girls come up to me now, so that’s different I guess. So…yeah…things are good. Still sober. No real temptation to go back down that road. Been working the Steps since I got back. Doing the work. I didn’t even think about getting high when I was over there. I’m serious. Not once. I’ve got a therapist that I’m seeing. She’s really smart. And I get to see her for free. It’s part of some rehabilitation program from the federal government. I’m moving out of my Mom’s soon. I found an apartment through the church she goes to. There is a guy there who owns a bunch of places and he hooked me up with a really nice place for really cheap. He gave us a really good deal on it. The same guy said I could come work for him too when I felt I was ready. He has a real estate business and said he is always looking for new realtors. With my story, he told me, he thinks I could to really well.”
Bone sits in the booth next to Fred. His face his clean, empty. Without blinking, moving or saying anything he stares at David; human mirror he is unsure is alive or dead, in a Waffle House in Florida or an expensive dirty tank in Ukraine.
“But then I think, do I really wanna use my story to sell real estate? Some douchebag buys an apartment I’m selling him because I killed a Russian general. That’s not why I went over there. And who would even ask me to that? They don’t know what it was like. They make it seem like going over there was no big deal, that killing generals is something that happens all the time, or that the war is going well. Really man, I got so lucky with that shot. I’ve had trained snipers tell me they probably couldn’t hit a target at that range. But I did. I did that and I know I could never do it again. Even if I could, I don’t know if I’d want to. I didn’t know that guy. I mean I now know a bunch of stuff about him, but it’s only what I’ve been told. They told me that he supported Putin from the beginning and that a lot of the war planning was his idea. Ok. If you say so Bone. But I looked this guy up, he has a wikipedia page, and a wife, and kids, probably grandkids. I don’t know if his family is proud of him or not, but I know they will never see him again. And then just the charade of it all. So I got to meet the Ukrainian War Minister, Zelensky’s right hand man. Still not worth it. There’s just nothing noble or romantic about it. It’s all just a cold, black hole that runs on death and killing and for some reason you have to look at it…at least I do. I suppose I thought at some point I would see something. Never did though.”
Bone breaks his stare and cracks a smile.
“And for who, for what Fred? What is going to happen when all of this is over other than the same thing that happens after every war. A cabal of erudite assholes are going to meet in an overly secure room in the Netherlands and draw a new line in between Ukraine and Russia which is exactly what those same assholes did seventy years ago, and seventy years before that, and in seventy years we’ll do the same thing all over again. Wash, rinse and repeat. That line makes about as much sense as the first day of Spring. Sure, there is an official first day of Spring, March 20th or whatever, but we all know that there was some really warm days before the 20th and there is going to be some real cold days afterwards. But the 20th is the official day. It doesn’t make Spring happen. It just kinda helps sense out of a blurry situation. It wasn’t two days after getting there I realized the whole thing is so complicated. Half the regs were guys who had either lived in Russia at some point, gone to school there mostly, or had family living there. It felt like trying to break up a fight at a family reunion, only everyone is holding ARs as they argue about whether or not the 20th is the first day of Spring. The conflict goes back so far you can’t make out the start. And the profiteering my god, that’s what really gets me. Just like that asshole who wants to use the war to sell real estate, all the arms manufacturers who are pouring guns and bullets and tanks into Ukraine, propping this war machine so they can win another government contract. It’s sick. The people running those companies have the first available seat in hell. And Putin too. He started this whole mess. First him, then a nice row of CEOs and shareholders, that’s who I want to in hell. And there is never talk of any alternative. None. Not even a whisper. Just two sides trying to exhaust the other for a better seat at the bargaining table.”
Bone gets up to leave, but not before stretching his back, revealing a large, dark red stain in his uniform, just above his waist line.
“So here I am in all my hometown glory.” says David, “The renown Prince of the Order of the Ukrainian Shit-Show.”
There is a wet spot on David’s pants which he is not sure how it got there. He looks at Bone who is already out the door and running down the street. It’s ok, David thinks to himself, I know where he is going. ———————————————— At the 7-11 next to Waffle House David buys two tall boys and two shots of Jack. He pours the whiskey into the cans and kills the second one as he pulls into Pastor’s driveway where several Mercedes, Teslas and BMWs are parked. David clears his throat, spits into the bushes and unwraps a stick of gum. He enters the house after two hard knocks.
“Oh I think that is him.” David hears his mom say after shutting the large, dark front door. She comes around the corner of the corridor to tell him he is late and to take his shoes off.
“But my socks don’t match.”
“Well take those off too! Pastor just put down new carpet.”
“Ah well, since there is new carpet involved. Let’s not walk on the new carpet.”
The rest of the dinner party comes around the corridor in their socks. Each of them personally thanks David for coming and for his service. The men shake his hand. The women all give him hugs. By the end of introductions David has met two bankers, two retirees, and handful of housewives, as well as two more pastors and their wives. Bone is the last to shake his hand. He tells Abie he smells like old lady perfume. Elenor, Pastor’s wife, takes David’s arm, sliding her’s underneath his, leading him into their recently renovated kitchen. The rest of the group follows.
“Well dinner is almost ready. As we wait, why don’t you tell us about Ukraine.”
“Leave him alone Ellie,” says Pastor, “maybe he’s tired of talking about it.”
“I don’t mind.” says Abie. “I don’t mind telling people about blowing some Russian guy’s head off.”
“David Absalom!”
“It’s ok Mom. Yeah so I saw this column of tanks approaching our trench, which ran parallel to this road running west outta Horlivka. I don’t think they knew it was there, or if they did know, they sure as shit didn’t know we were in it, which was weird because we’d been trading fire with them all day. We were all scared shitless. It was only me and Jizzy and Bone. Right Bone? Oh yeah, it wasn’t Jizz it was that kid from Croatia. The one who fucking just ran off one day. I don’t remember his name. Anyways, Bone tells us to all be real still, play like we are dead. So this entire tank column passes by us. Takes for fucking ever. Couldn’t have been more than an hour, but it felt like ten. Finally it starts to let up you know, the last tank passes. So Bone takes the radio and tries to find a spot to call it in. As he is doing that I see the last tank, which was what Bone, about four hundred yards from us? Anyway, he comes to a stop, and out pops the unluckiest son of bitch in the whole war. The General gets out to take a piss, I take aim, figuring I’ll just scare him. And yeah. Bam. Headshot. He didn’t feel a thing; killed him with his dick in his hand. Speaking of which…if you will excuse me.”
“The bathroom is back down the hallway, first door on your left.” says Pastor.
“Is it a full bath?” ask Abie.
“Three-quarter.”
“Close enough.”
No one looks him in the eye, no one except Bone and Pastor. The bathroom has been redone in the same tile as the kitchen. David takes off his clothes, turns the steel knob in the shower to red, sits one floor and waits for the water to get warm.

Hello, All Ailurophiles,
For the past few days, a stray cat has been visiting my house in the bustling streets of India. Each day, I eagerly provide her with food, and through this act of kindness, a beautiful bond has formed between us. Her enchanting eyes mesmerize me and my 5-year-old son as if they hold a secret understanding. Despite her untamed nature, she resembles a beloved pet, although we have yet to fully tame her.
I have cautiously reached out to touch and stroke her, hoping to deepen our friendship. Yet, both my child and I harbor a lingering fear, for she is still wild at heart. While my financial circumstances have not been favorable lately, I do whatever I can to support her. Unfortunately, I lack a smartphone to capture her image, but I assure you, the picture I found online is representative of her beauty.
In my efforts to feed her, I have offered a variety of foods on different occasions. (Roti) Indian Bread with milk, regular bread with milk, and toasted bread with milk have all been consumed heartily, filling her hungry belly. However, when I attempted to introduce alternative foods that I had discovered through the internet, she displayed disinterest. Bananas, for instance, were left untouched. Even a boiled egg failed to capture her appetite, until I ingeniously combined it with bread, which she devoured with delight. It appears (Roti) plain bread holds no appeal for her.
Seeking to provide her with specialized nutrition, I ventured to a pet store and procured "Ocean Fish flavored" cat food. Alas, she rejected it outright, leaving me perplexed. I find myself struggling to identify other affordable options, beyond milk, that can satiate her hunger without straining my limited resources.
Within my modest family of three—my husband, our 5-year young son, and myself—we face financial hardship. I earn a meager income through tips, while my husband's illness has rendered him unable to work for several months. Despite these challenges, I am fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work temporarily, supporting my family through these tough times. However, my income remains insufficient to afford a pet and bear the additional expenses it entails.
Nonetheless, I firmly believe that I am not simply feeding this feline out of my own accord. In my faith, I trust that sustenance is predestined by Allah SWT for every being, and it is possible that the sustenance that reaches me is a result of the fortune bestowed upon this cat. Thus, by nourishing her, my family and I may also find ourselves blessed in ways we cannot fathom.
I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I genuinely appreciate all of your positive questions and answers. Please understand that the photo of the cat is symbolic (looks like the same color and may cat breed), and I am grateful for your understanding. Thank you all once again.

From The Topeka State Journal, June 4, 1915.
Back from gory battle came a soldier Easter Day, The streets were full of people in their Easter garments gay; Silver bells were ringing in the steeples overhead, The soldier he was wounded, and this is what he said: “It’s a long way to glory, it’s a long way to go From the dim and quiet churches where the Easter lilies blow. Good-by to home and comfort, farewell to sweethearts dear, It’s a long, long way to glory, and my heart’s right here.”
When the soldier joined the colors he was full of thoughts of Fame, But he found among the trenches that they never spoke her name. Coming home upon a furlough with his right arm in a sling, He was strong for peace eternal when the chimes began to ring: “It’s a long way to glory, it’s a long way to go, The route is marked in crimson with the blood of friend and foe. There’s a girl I want to marry, we have waited ‘most a year, It’s a long, long way to glory when my heart is here.
“I would rather have a cottage, and a garden and a cow, Than a V. C. on my bosom, and a laurel on my brow. War has led me through his shambles till my soul is worn to rags; Give us peace the wide world over, fold away the battle-flags; It’s a long way to glory, it’s a long way to go, It’s a long way to glory and the hardest road I know. From the snowy Easter lilies may the dove of peace appear, It’s a long, long way to glory, for my heart’s right here.”

The soldiers lined on Ardenholms beaches. Their bright, jewel encrusted armor flashed brightly in the glaring summers sun. The warriors were eager to get on with their game of conquering and subjugating. They were Ardenholmites, Humilauians, and Pommedorans, as well as Tuberite religious warriors hailing from Solanum. They were gathered in Ardenholm to prepare for an imminent invasion from Veritas and their leader, BB.
Ardenholm, Humilau and especially Pommedora were in open rebellion from BB. They thought of him as a tyrannical leader, levying heavy taxes and other unreasonable demands. They finally decided to declare themselves separate from BB, but the turmoil quickly devolved into a fight for control of the entire island chain.
Pommedora was a Tuberist nation, so they called upon their Solanarian brothers to help the fight. The Tuberists, thinking it would be an easy battle, happily joined in.
As the Tuberites made the short voyage to Pommedora, tensions arose. There was an attempt to reestablish diplomatic relations which quickly broke down, resulting in a raid from Veritas on Pommedora, their closest neighbor.
The Tuberites arrived far too late to join the fray, but fortunately the raid was mostly scared off before any real fighting could occur, and the casualties were 6 in Pommedora, after a single arrow barrage and 8 Veritasian raiders who brought their boat too close to the walls and were sunk by a well placed explosive firework.
Thus began an alarmingly fast arms race. Both sides were on islands, so a full force invasion was not viable…yet. Seemingly overnight the once windswept and backwater islands in rebellion turned to industry. The once salty and warm air choked with the smoke from the flames of fires roaring in their mighty hearths. Peaceful and sunny harbors because overrun with heavy bots of war.
Veritas kept pace with the industrial might and the islands were equal in strength. Both bought mercenaries to fight, but Veritas gained a significant upper hand by taking a hefty loan from bankers overseas and buying much better metals than could ever be reaped from the earth on the barren island chain.
Finally the mines were depleted of what little resources they could muster. Though bright earthen metals were occasionally still warm from being melted and pounded into their molds.
With no more brawn games to play, both sides made a quick shift to mind games. Spies. Spies everywhere. In the streets. In the factories. In the harbors. Everywhere. Private conversations became public knowledge overnight. The town square of Ardenholm ran red with the blood of those suspected of treason.
Next came the starvation. The already small fields had been neglected because the farmers had been made to become factory workers. This time, the rebellion got the upper hand, with the Tuberists providing food from their vast fields back in Solanaria. Veritas attempted a naval blockade to stop the shipment of food from arriving. The Tuberists didn’t slow down. The naval commander ordered them to hold. The Tuberists, already very near to the maximum pace, almost appeared to speed up. Finally they stopped just outside of cannon range. They waited in a locked stalemate for 3 days until the Veritasians ran out of water and were forced to return to port. Thus, they spent the winter on meager rations and had to sell some of their newly bought steel to pay for food.
Finally, after a long and cold winter of light eating and intense stare-offs, the spring blossomed in the remaining fields.
The Veritasians had survived the winter by the skin of their teeth and knew that they could not survive another winter. This years winter had been astoundingly warm (by West Phagosian standards). In fact, this was the warmest winter ever recorded.
Over on Pommedora, which at this point had been established as the capital, the situation was almost as grim. The Tuberists, who were creeping up on a years time spent on an island were becoming increasingly obstinate and downright treasonous. They longed to go back to their homeland, and run on green fields, with gently rolling hills bordered by lush, fertile marshes, encased by the great mountains far to the west, just where the eye could see them. They downright despised the cramped island.
Tensions were starting to boil over on all sides of the war, until finally the spy game did its job. The Pommedorans received definitive proof that the Veritasians would be sailing for a “surprise” attack on Ardenholm in one months time. This was the break they needed and with this knowledge they could easily win the war.
Under the cover of darkness they began to very slowly and methodically ship soldier to Ardenholm. They arrived on mail boats and pleasure crafts, in wine barrels and tiny crude rafts. Simultaneously, these same craft evacuated the women and children, bringing them safely to Pommedora.
Then, the day before the battle, an idea was had. It was decided that instead of defending the city they should go on the offensive while the opposing military was away. The idea was they would go quickly to Veritas and slay BB, and then swiftly bring his head back over to Ardenholm where his army, seeing that they had nothing to fight for, would surrender.
There were problems with this plan, though. The entire army was already on Ardenholm, and Pommedora was still the closest island to Veritas, so it would make no sense to keep an army anywhere but there. Also, the ships would probably sail right by each other on their way to conquer their respective islands.
“None the matter with these details” said the commanders, “This plan is too good to pass up.”
And thus we pick up where we started, with the solders, armed to the teeth, sitting in the early morning sun, waiting for their boats to take them to Veritas.
They boarded and set off. 1/10 of the army was left behind to There was nothing but excitement as they lost sight of the shore. The soldiers were tremendously confident in their plan.
The boats sailed for 38 minutes without interruption.
Suddenly, a lookout sounded their horn. The soldiers instantaneously switched from their excited and eager chatter to silence as they looked on the horizon, expecting to see a fleet of opposing ships.
Instead they saw a tiny island. Barely even an island. More like a sad sandbar. The entire island was completely covered in Veritasian troops. They were all standing on the island, their bodies facing the fleet. They were all watching the fleet sail by.
All wielded a dull blue trident, the color of cold and drear ocean
Then one, the commander most likely, stepped forth and walked slowly to the edge of the shore, about 10 feet. He stopped at the edge and dipped the pronged fork of his trident into the water
Not a single eye strayed from his trident as it leapt to life. It’s dull and sad color replaced by an electric blue. The blue started from where the water touched the prongs and snaked down the trident at a decently fast pace.
Then he did the most unexpected thing of all, and fell face first into the water. All eyes remained on where he fell. The seconds ticked by. 15. 30. 60. 90. Was he dead? 120. Then at 133 exactly he sprang from the water. His right hand clamped so tightly around his trident his knuckles were bleached like dead coral. He sailed 50 meters in the air, well above the masts of the boats, and about 150 meters towards the boats.
Then his army all seemingly sprang to life and walked swiftly to the waters edge. It was a trap! They didn’t pause for dramatic effect like he did, diving headfirst into the water and sailing through the air with almost no delay.
The archers attempted to ready their bows but the boats were already packed tight with men, horses, cannons, and all sorts of equipment of war.
The tridenteers sprang forth and plunged into the ocean like rain. A hundred a twenty, they numbered. They rapidly began closing the distance. The archers pulled back their bows and waited for them to get into firing range. They quickly closed in. Finally, they were in shooting distance and they fired. None of the shots struck. In fact, none even came close. The soldiers were simply too small to hit accurately, especially from a rocking boat.
The tridenteers then passed overhead, and did the most unexpected thing of all. A few reached into their pouches and pulled out a single gray stick about the size of a baton. They then dropped them.
All of the tridenteers possessed 8 of these sticks, so most waited until they had clear shots to drop. A few thought they did right then, and threw their sticks towards the ships.
All except one missed. It was tremendously hard to fire accurately while trying to dodge projectiles.
The one that didn’t miss sailed down, down, down until it landed barely on the port side of a medium sized Humilauian cruiser. The wood of the boat was no match for the explosion that rang out. The front port side was torn. The water spout produced from the explosion went 15 meters into the air.
The ship sank in 2 minutes.
Immediately it’s neighboring boats turned sharply to rescue the screaming survivors. The tridenteers passed about a kilometer away from the boats before veering to the left and turning to made another pass.
The ships were thoroughly spooked, and most moved to do evasive maneuvers.
Suddenly, three powerful horn blasts rang out. This was the sign to press forth. The ships readjusted course to fan out, but 9 blasts rang out, the sign to stick together.
A second pass was made with 2 ships sunk. Another pass was made, but no ships were sunk. Than another with no ships. Another with 1. Another with 1. Another with none. This continued until 87 passes were made. There were 137 boats in total at the beginning, 7 large, 38 medium and 94 small. 93 remained. There were 4 large boats remaining (the 3 that were sunk had been sunk at the very beginning), 15 medium boats, and 75 small boats. Almost all of the surviving medium and large boats had tied themselves together with rope and formed a sort of floating pontoon. This greatly increased the sailing time, and a journey of 3 hours took 6.
Not all of the ships that were lost had sunk. Of the 19 small boats that were not present in the final fleet, only 2 had actually been sunk.
There had been a sort of mutiny aboard some of the smaller boats after the 8th pass. 2 of the 7 large boats had been hit and were sinking and the situation was looking very dire. In the rear, 9 of the small boats and 8 of the medium boats (the medium boats were the very end of the fleet) all mutinied against their captains, with three being stabbed to death and one being cast into the sea and turned around back to Ardenholm. Watching them sail away nearly caused the entire fleet to break apart but they were guided by a common foe.
A few of the boats lagged behind. 4 medium boats couldn’t keep pace due to being non-fatally struck and turned around. The tridenteers were given orders to at least damage the ships heavily enough to force them to turn around, so they allowed those ships to flee.
3 small ships, in an interesting turn of fate, were nearest to the islands when the bombing started. They were the ones who had sounded the alarm. The tridenteers had passed over them entirely without dropping a single bomb. They were still horrified watching the preliminary carnage before the ships could form up, and decided to run themselves aground on the tiny island the Veritasians had started out in.
They hid under the 6 palm trees for 8 days, not knowing anything about the status of any of the nations. They survived by eating the horses they had brought and drinking the wine they had brought which they were going to celebrate with once the island of Veritas was conquered.
Finally, after 6 hours, the boats sighted Veritas. The midday sun was high in the air and the archers could not see the trident wielders through the sun, accelerating their losses.
Veritas looked abandoned. The alarm has been raised but very few troops were on the walls, looking very frightened.
The soldiers let out a halfhearted cheer upon laying eyes on the island. The Veritasian tridents veered right after the fleet made their way into the smooth natural harbor.
The tridenteers had only lost 11. 7 from lucky bow shots, 3 from the binding from their wrists to their tridents slipping off, and 1 stupid soldier who tried to land on a small boat and was instantly slain.
The boats neared the docks of Veritas. The harbor wasn’t much of a harbor at all, only having a narrow wave-breaking sandspit that only extended past a third of the docks.
The boats made passes towards the docks, with some soldiers being so desperate to get off of them they leaped from the boats and swam to shore.
The boats all started to unload as normal, with horses being placed on the shore and equipment to breach the great gate of Veritas being unloaded
Suddenly the great gate of Veritas, which was expected to be a large obstacle swung open and half of Veritas’s army (still a formidable number mind you) roared forth, banging their shields, and sprinted at the unprepared rebels.
This was not expected at all, and no precautions for this had been taken. The rebels on the beach all turned to run back to the boats when, alas! The tridenteers reappeared from out of nowhere behind the boats. They hurtled towards the crafts, flying much more recklessly now, and dropped their bombs. The boats were not moving or fighting back this time and 8 were struck.
In the same run, 47 of the tridenteers dropped their explosives on top of the docks, blowing all except two up. Those two would be decommissioned in the next run.
This mostly stranded the peoples on the shore, whose only option now was the rowboats from the large ships. Some ran towards those but right then the charging army from the gates slammed into those on the shore.
18 rowboats were cast off, from the beach and the rest were not able to and were scuttled. The battle for the beach was a terrible situation for the rebels with them being completely pinned against the sea.
The battle lasted 15 minutes. There was no command from any officers due to most still being present on the boats. No definitive line was formed up and many men swam out to sea to try to wait out the slaughter. Most men threw their weapons on the ground and begged for mercy.
1/6 of the seaborn army was slain and 1/6 of the army surrendered on the beach, totaling 1/3 of invasion, or exactly 642 men.
The boats tried to leave the harbor but all tried to leave at once and a few collisions occurred. The boats that made it out were harassed by the tridenteers the entire time. A few tridenteers were observed landing on the decks of boats and stabbing sailors as they tried to get the boats under control before running away
To top it off, the winds were blowing in an awful direction and most of the boats were blown far to the right. They nearly crashed into an unwalled peninsula. The horn of orders was silent because the ship they were on had taken a direct hit and was rapidly sinking. The commander of the entire operation, on that ship, had died instantly in the blast. The entire senior commanding force had migrated to that boat during the trident harassment because it was centrally located and the safest option. None of the senior officers survived, as the bomb quite literally split the ship in two, and as they were gathered midship below the upper decks they had either been torn up from wood splinters or went down with the ship and were drowned.
Due to the lack of orders, all ships had their own idea of what to do. Most of them thought that the wind was far too unfavorable to set into open water so decided to land on the peninsula. About 1/3 decided to try the winds and sailed in various directions to various islands. This time, the tridenteers could harass them all they wanted and most would not get far. One tridenteer was assigned per boat, which ended up being a large blunder on Veritas's part because most were out of ammunition and could not do any damage.
Those who landed on the peninsula were met with an immediate problem. Unloading. Most of the men jumped overboard to swim to shore and some ships went completely unmanned before being either sunk or captured by the opposing force. Some men who didn't take of their armor were weighed down by it and drowned. The same happened for the archers, who's quivers filled completely with water instead of arrows, and if they were unable to get the quiver off they drowned.
There was one final factor that was at play. The peninsula itself. It was very long and narrow. So narrow that a tridenteer could safely jump all the way over it without being dashed apart on the rocks.
A single tridenteer sprang fourth. Their bright blue trident electric against the sky, which was growing progressively cloudier. They reached into their pocket and pulled out one of the sticks. They lazily let it go before safely landing in the water on the other side.
They didn’t even have to aim. It exploded on the top right corner of the peninsula and some were caught in the blast.
The other tridenteers followed suit. There were only 26 archers still armed as almost all of them had either abandoned their gear or were weighed down by it trying to swim over.
The entire peninsula was scourged. The walls extended to the beach on either side, and the coast became far too treacherous and rocky to swim around.
40% of the entire army was slain on the peninsula. A further 20% (of the men on the peninsula) surrendered and only 19 men escaped. 9 on a rowboat that was let go because of its irrelevance and 10 somehow survived the swim around the walls and ran up the island before stealing a sailboat and escaping.
Those that turned around and fled immediately suffered casualties, but not to the scale of this. About 5% of the army died on the sail back from getting picked off. Most of the tridenteers ran out of ammunition.
A grand total of 67% of the army perished in this advancement. A further 14% surrendered and of those, 1% died in prison from disease or starvation. 1,531 men in total lost their lives.
As for the boats, of the ones that made it to Veritas, none of the large ships survived, 4 of the medium ships made it back (2 were captured, 9 sank) and 29 of the small ships made it back (38 sunk, 8 captured). Of the 18 rowboats that were on the beach during the initial beach attack, 15 landed on the peninsula, with the other three rowing all the way to Pommedora.
Those that escaped ended up on all manner of islands in the surrounding area. One boat drifted with only one man on board for 8 days. He too survived off of horseflesh but also was lucky enough to get rainwater.
The other half of Veritas’s army had taken a longer route to Ardenholm. Ardenholm somehow managed to pull off an astonishing victory, despite being outnumbered 5-1. They were helped by the crew that had mutinied initially. They made use of their thick walls and used a turtle strategy to wait for help, until after 24 hours when they realized that something had gone seriously wrong they then went on a sudden offensive catching the Veritasian army completely by surprise because they had grown used to not being shot at.
The Ardenholm fighters used bows and a ridiculously large pile of arrows to shoot at the invaders non-stop until they finally gave up and went home. They were significantly hampered by not having the other half of their army. Both sides suffered relatively minor casualties, with Ardenholm losing 19 men and Veritas losing exactly 100.
Veritas lost 58 of their 120 tridenters, with the vast majority being lost by flying too close to the boats and being shot with arrows. Interestingly, 82% of those that landed on boats to stab individual sailors would perish. Their army suffered a loss total of 329.
This defeat left the rebels in shock. Their entire standing army had been effectively wiped out. They would start having to recruit younger men and paying more for mercenaries.
The Tuberists had taken the highest casualty rate, with an unimaginable 80% casualty rate and 16% captured. Only 4%, or just 16 men on one small boat, which they never left, managed to make it back. When the elder potatoes learned about this, they were understandably shocked and devastated and justifiably withdrew all future support to the rebellion. They claimed that the Tuberites had been used as cannon fodder and that that was an stupidly high casualty rate for a defensive mission. They had lost every single one of their ranking officers they had sent on that mission and demanded insanely high rates of compensation. It wasn’t until the battle was thoroughly explained and they were promised that all the islands would convert to Tuberism that they agreed to help once more.
The defeat didn't spell doom for the rebels, but would certainly go on to hamper their future efforts.
And that is the story of one of the worst strategical blunders in Stoneworks history.
This story is based around the truth. Ardenholm was indeed attacked by Veritas and BB after rebelling with Pommedora and Humilau. The Tuberists did indeed help out for religious reasons. There was indeed a failed charge counterattack which was poorly planned and the casualty numbers are accurate if you combine the dead and captured and just consider them all dead. The Veritasians did indeed use tridents to pick most of us off, and I myself died. This would have easily cost us the battle as we lost 80% of our total gear and didn’t really have enough time to make a proper repot. We used the good old 0-armor-stone-axe-rush strategy and only won because they placed capture points underwater which is illegal. So yeah the next battle is in a week (I think) and we have a LOT of grinding to do haha.
Also Stoney hmu if you ever want any scriptwriting help. I love to do this.
If you read this far um gg I guess
- lnedible

One common trait of primary psychopaths is calm under conditions that the general public believes should make everyone hysterical.
I am not a primary psychopath, though my parents both were. I do, however, exhibit many primary-psychopathic traits.
I am including some personal anecdotes, slightly colorful to be sure, to encourage discussion.
Primary psychopaths are basically anhedonic, mistrustful, and often apathetic. Their sensation-seeking, rule-breaking, attention-seeking, paraphilias, criminal versatility, etc. stem largely from just being bored and depressed. I lack sensation-seeking: I prefer not to use mind-altering substances. I avoid entertainment and sex.
Sullen indifference is not lost on any reasonably intelligent person and repels them even when masked, leading to attention-seeking tantrums. Two friends who were firestarters as children grew up to set themselves on fire for the same reason: boredom and numbness.
Primary psychopaths are characterized by enlarged striata, visible on MRI, which leads to increased need for stimulation, and by the Warrior Gene. Warriors are routinely called upon not only to take lives but to sacrifice their own.
Intelligence is essential in any great warrior, so it makes sense that a warrior caste would be suspicious, bored and indifferent (callous), and more interested in ends than means (duplicity, lying, manipulation, ruthlessness, violence): if you enjoy life, how will you take pleasure in being a shadow on the battlefield, knowing that you may not survive the engagement?
If a normal person is threatened by Medicaid fraudsters, he will probably just take the medical care and hope the goons won't hurt him. In such a situation, I knew their goal was life insurance, not Medicaid fraud, so I tried to kill myself in ways that would have killed most people (attempted drowning in extremely polluted water, marked as a drowning risk due to strong currents, then drank my own urine for 3 days while stopping antibiotics midcourse, hoping to develop a superbug to thank my friends and neighbors) but barely hurt me: I am the son of an unrelentingly brutal special forces commander, who raped his own soldiers, castrated Blacks for sport, prided himself on devising new methods of killing with his bare hands, and lamented the unscrupulousness of people selected to provide information under torture. He and my mother -- a pedophile, castration fetishist, FGM fetishist, rape fetishist, trafficker (cocaine, children, slaves), arranger of murders for hire, money launderer, and money other interests -- conceived me with inconceivable impulsivity while cash-strapped, then took out a life insurance policy on me, circumcised me instead of reassigning me at birth as indicated, and waited for me to die. They threw in some fake psychiatric diagnoses, medications with disfiguring side effects, many medical rapes, substandard education, time in GULAG...
Daddy's second wife, who did her family of guards at GULAG in Siberia proud by getting a promotion to surveil rich people and push them out windows, stalked me for years, then decided to castrate and enslave me. I wish I had been reassigned at birth, but being 40-year-old nutless Lurch just doesn't seem like fun.
I refused slavery, so she robbed my friends to make me disappear into GULAG ( State psych). I let my friends know, so they demanded the money from the life insurance policy. Failing that, extirpation of everyone who robbed my friends. It'll happen.
Instead of killing myself, it may be advantageous to move somewhere other than a kleptopsychocracy. I have earned respect from homicidal psychopaths for staying cool when beaten bloody.
I have some classic primary psychopathic traits. For instance, I was struck by a speeding Jeep when celebrating my 26th birthday and Thanksgiving in 2010..
I was strolling across 3rd Avenue and paused to let the speeding Jeep, two blocks ahead of the other traffic, go by, figuring I would then just stroll to he curb.
My best friend at the time had a fight-or-flight reaction and risked his life to pull me into the path of the Jeep, himself falling down and being grazed in the process.
I was slammed directly in my left side, then grew giddy as I bounced of the hood, then the windshield, then the roof, which gave me a really beautifully blurred view of the white Christmas lights on the trees. I thought of the 1995 season finale of Law and Order, in which Claire Kincaid, played by Jill Hennessy (a then-famous Cover Girl model), was distracted by her conversation with her boss, Jack McCoy (played by Sam Waterston), and was killed in a driver's side crash. The lights in that episode were just like what I was seeing. How the hell did the producers know how it should look? I thought of asking a childhood acquaintance whose dad worked on the show to tell his dad, then lamented they would never know because I would be dead. I hit the pavement, landing on my back. The tires touched my left hip. I thought having crushed c&b in the middle of 3rd Avenue would be really gross, so I was relieved when the Jeep didn't run over me. I wiggled my toes and figured everything would be a stupid formality, which was true.
My friend stood over me, screaming. His hair looked so thick, he looked so beautiful, and so... bothered... I was thinking of how unfair it was that my birthday was being ruined by ordinary people with their procedures.
I was lying in the middle of 3rd Avenue, staring up at this amazing specimen, only for him to scream hysterically instead of helping me up so we could continue celebrating at the nearest motel.
They would inevitably call an ambulance and blame me for waiting for the speeding Jeep to pass, which indeed happened. Then tragedy struck: the ambulance crew had the unmitigated gall to tell me not to sit up and take off my shirt.
That was a vintage Brooks Brothers navy blue Golden Fleece tennis shirt. I was scarred for life as they cut the shirt, the scissors moving menacingly toward my face, just to remind me that I would be a miserable failure (true, but not because of the shirt).
I had struck my head on the pavement and could not urinate. I stayed on a Foley catheter for a while and walked out of the hospital the evening.
My only injuries were bruising, a scrape on my right hand, and a hairline fracture, barely perceptible on x-ray, in my lumbar spine.
My mother insisted I have physical therapy. I pointed out that there was nothing to do but wait for my body to heal. I knew she just wanted to play the hysterical mother, worried about her adult son who didn't know how to cross the street by himself. Yup...
When my mother was dying, I was livid that people were upset: I was the person closest to her. If I don't mind, how dare they encroach on my indifference?! I remarked around that time, quite sincerely and incessantly, that people who mourn the dead should be killed: not only for coveting the dead but for pretending to they feel sorry for the dead instead of admitting they feel sorry for themselves.
I really enjoyed exposing my crooked family to my former friends they robbed: they fucked up their payment plan and now they and their American friends, to whom they spread around my friends' money, cannot be saved.
I really hope they really, really spread it around, because then there will be mass casualties. If good Russians won't starve Europe, can they at least liquidate New York? It's like blowing up Syria: someone has to do it.
It would really work out well for me: I live in New York and my life sucks, so that way I shouldn't have to keep sleeping and metabolizing and would die knowing that the people I see every miserable day would never make trouble again. I could just die instead of making more decisions.
I always regretted not having killed my parents before I turned 12. Mommy got away scot free, but Daddy and his nearest and dearest fucked themselves.
I actually asked if I could help out with the torture, but no one needs me for anything. I'm always ready to roll up my sleeves to help a friend. If you can't kill your family, how are you supposed to kill strangers?

Here are my thoughts and suggestions after FT from 2022! It’s in no particular order but I wrote out most everything that I did:
​
— bring the good kind of cough drops (the berry Halls breezers)
— tape for your heels and the back of your feet
— laminate print offs of 9lines and EODs
— bring as many gummy vitamins :)) the good tasting kind! Worth the investment
— small scissors (large ones will be contraband)
— for moleskin make sure you cut it before you go
— I always bandaged my feet the night before to save time (you can do this during foot checks or after lights out of you need to)
— practice EODs. We did a lot of finding IEDs and bombs etc. we did that way more than medical stuff
— for medical stuff, literally just know how to wrap a wound since people get shot. Tourniquet. The basics and you will be good
— be prepared to do tactical scenarios where you are in the woods with paintball guns and you have a mission. The missions are usually find a fallen pilot or find UXOs + IEDs etc (like finding explosives)
— know how to do the 5Cs since we did that a lot
— it’s good to know the basic formations, like wedge, column, line — and know when they are good for. It’s good when you are leading a scenario to call out “now we are doing XYZ formation because…”
— be prepared for long hours on the classroom doing GLPs that are honestly boring. You literally are planning an air show or planning evacuation of people/ aircrafts on an island
— bring a ruler. It’s helpful in some classroom GLPs and it’s helpful for measuring your bed. Your pillow is 12in away from the bed frame to the start of your sheets
— know how to do hospital corners since makes it much faster in the morning
— get good at tying your boots / tucking in the laces. For me when dressing into OCPs, tying my boots took the longest
— remember to always use the 7 basic responses
— KNOW DFAC PROCEDURES! Know the verbiage when you get to the mess checker. Know how to move throughout and the order where you sit. Make sure you know how to sit at attention— especially have your feet at 45 degrees and not looking down or tilting your body
— KNOW HOW TO DO COLUMN OF FILES / building entry procedures. Know the verbiage well!! Know the verbiage if you are an element leader
— be prepared for lots of destination marching. You March everywhere!
— KNOW HOW TO DO COUNTER MARCH!! This is so SO helpful for reveille and retreat
— know how to do a lot of half movements — Column half left and right. It’s very helpful for marching on sidewalks or orienting.
— full column movements are slower because you put your flight in half step after. Hence why I suggest doing column half movements when you can
— my flight didn’t use route step. Check in the DNC how to March on grass and uneven terrain. We did “At ease, march” when we entered grass. Then to get out of it “flight, attention”. If you want to turn, you say “guide, incline 90 degrees to the right “. We would also use “cease guiding” at the end. Check the DNC for marching on sidewalks. We used “Guide, guide right to the right side of the troop walk”— and this would allow you to March on the sidewalk without have to constantly do half movements
— know how to detail march (pretty easy)
— warrior knowledge was not a big part of my FT. Only for the interview and then if you are academic officer. If you are academic officer and your flight is just standing around you can be like: “As academic officer, now would be a great time for some WK! The airman’s creed is as follows…”
— be prepared to have time hacks for EVERYTHING
— know how to write memos! I wish I wrote more memos!! You can write memos to request different things from your CTA/ FTO
— as flight commander, know the process for marching from pace to place. ** 1) always set a time hack (or ask for the time from your time hack — depending on what you do) 2) you need to fall in your flight 3) get accountability from your deputy flight commander 4) then you report accountability to your FTO/ CTA 5) have road guards don your gear 6) turn your flight and get ready to March
— when you see a road up ahead, prepare for putting your road guards out (you will have 4 road guards). Make sure you estimate the time correctly; when in doubt put your flight in “mark time harch” to give your road hoards time to run out and so you don’t just go into the street
— pay attention to where things are since directions as flight commander is a big thing since you are going from place to place
​
— know how to unlock your lock quickly. It can be helpful especially when you have to lock your duffel bag at Vigilant Warrior
— know how to properly fold your duffel bag
— know how to security lock your duffel bag
BEFORE YOU GO:
— make sure you label all of your clothing items and towels. It’s the first letter of your last name and then the last 4 digits your social security number
— bring sharpies and erasable pens!! You will def want erasable pens
— bring a bright colored duck tape. It’s helpful for your flight and putting it on your backpack, etc
— bring extra ziplock bags (different sizes) and trash bags
— *** make sure everything is standardized within your flight. Standardization is a big thing! Make sure your patches are in the right spot, ** especially the flag!! Check to make sure your laces are tucked in. Put your OCPcap on the right pocket, etc
— I brought tiger balm with me and that actually helped me stay awake during some long hours lol

well, we're back again. now with more characters! Enjoy.
Thanks, u/SpacePaladin15 for the universe And u/VeryUnluckyDice for implanting a tumor into my brain, go read his story 'Playing by ear' if you haven't already!
[First]-[Next]
-----
Memory transcription subject: Anaw, Venlil citizen Date [standardized human time]: October 23, 2136
It was one of those brief moments when I was on my own. Just after I separated from my working herd but before I joined my familial herd. I bought some nice fruit salad from a place down the street. As I made my way to my way to the plaza I saw that musical duet was performing there. The duo was made up of a venlil and a Krakotl. And they were performing a popular pop song by some band, ‘I love you like the Herd’ by ‘The Sneeples’ I think? To be honest I wasn't too familiar with the current trends in music, I've always listened to what my mother listened to. Never gave it much thought really. I noticed how many people had stopped to listen to them play.
I want people to see me like that! It would be so cool! To be a star, to guide the herd instead of just following it? Wouldn’t that be spectacular? Or even impress Vemly…
I figure I should find a seat, realizing there isn’t any room in the plaza itself. I have to search Elsewhere.
I look round the corner to see… a human! I have never seen one in person before but here? the closest shelter is a city over. And they seem to be alone. Which seems unusual. They don't seem to notice me so that's good. My curiosity getting the better of me, I made my way to a seat where I could watch the predator without being noticed.
The human was holding their head in their hands, their gaze presumably cast down toward the concrete tiles of the plaza though I had no way to be sure thanks to the glossy black mask that covered their face. They didn't seem to be moving aside from one of their legs bouncing seemingly in time with the music.
My meal was almost finished when suddenly the predator rose from their seat and started walking towards the buskers. At their full height, they were quite tall, but maybe my shorter-than-average stature was to blame.
Their approach caused the gathered crowd to scatter most people. those that remained kept their distance. When the human arrived at the buskers' setup the krakotl singer faltered and forgot the lyrics. The human tilted their head at this and seemed to study them for a moment before pulling out their pad and touching it to the tip receiver before turning to leave.
If a predator can appreciate our music they can’t possibly be so bad right?
Someone must have called the exterminators because exterminator officer Ezin and two other officers arrived on the scene.
The exterminators showed up almost too quickly. usually, they’re really slow, like that time when-
The exterminators raised their flamethrowers toward the human
“Predator! You’re coming with me” Ezin yelled at the human.
The human raised their hands and was quickly restrained by the two officers, with the head exterminator turning to the crowd.
Ezin addressed the crowd
“Civilians! Thanks to my hard work the predator has been restrained and you are safe once more!”
It doesn't seem like the predator didn't do anything wrong… why are they being taken away?
My need to find out what is going on overriding all my better judgment I decided to follow the exterminators to the Deep Lake office.
But first I’m finishing my fruit salad.
Yummy yummy!
-----
I arrived at the exterminator's office and headed up to the front desk. There was a snowy white venlil at the counter.
“You here about the recent incident?” she droned, without even taking her eyes off her pad.
There has been an incident?
“No I'm just here about the human from the plaza” I responded
“Just saying yes would've wasted much less of my time sir” the venlil responded, only now seeming to have found the time to look up from her pad.
“Just wait here and someone will be with you in a moment” She pointed to the seats set up at the side of the room. They were all empty.
even I couldn’t find any more reason to talk to this person so I sat down at the end.
These chairs really aren't very comfortable… no matter, ill be through in a jiffy.
Maybe I’ll have a look at these pamphlets to pass some time.
I reach over to the stand picking out the first one available,
‘What to do If a predator moves into your apartment?’
No thanks, I've had enough stress already.
‘Top 10 signs that your human is actually plotting to eat you!’
In the future even the pamphlets are clickbait. Go back to writing bleat posts.
‘Rainbow socks to be banned in Deep Lake Area’
What are socks?
I spun the stand around and spotted a hand-drawn-looking pamphlet. My curiosity piqued I opened it up.
‘Exterminator Ezin for emperor’
The Venlil don't even have a president. How can you get a role that doesn't exist? And I'm pretty sure you won't become emperor by winning an election.
Anyway, what time is it? I feel like I’ve been waiting for more than a claw, I should really be home by now.
“Anaw, come on up” It was the senior exterminator Koll. I have seen him a couple times on the local news giving important announcements. If you've ever seen a buff venlil, you haven’t. Not until you have seen Koll. It's been said that he once fought an entire squadron of armors, bare-paw, on his own, and won. After which he retired to live a more peaceful life on venlil prime. Though that’s hard to believe, When I saw him in person, standing in Infront of me? I could believe it.
Koll asked me to give a brief rundown of the whole incident, a request which I had no trouble complying with.
After a moment of contemplation koll spoke “Well, That does it then, the incident was clearly bogus and the human will be free to go.”
Koll gestured for me to follow him. We walked down the hall and then to the cell where the human was being held.
The predator looked up at Koll and then at me. Prompting Koll to start inputting the code on the cell, Koll broke the silence.
“Well predator, looks like a witness showed up and your stories match, you're free to go, get out of here.”
The senior exterminator left the room, leaving me with the predator… alone.
The predator rose to their full height. Turning their head right at me.
I've actually never met a human before. What do I do? Are they plotting to eat me? Maybe I should've read that pamphlet.
“Hey, thanks.” the predator spoke softly. Their voice was bassy and smooth, not nearly as loud as I expected.
I thought predators were supposed to growl or be aggressive! They probably don't want to scare me. I'm still really afraid though. Is that rude? Am I a bad person for being afraid?
They continued in their soft inflection.
“I don't think Sargent Fluff for brains would've let me out any time soon, so seriously, thanks for the help”
Sargent fluff for brains? Are they talking about Exterminator Ezin?
I finally mustered up the courage to speak to the human
“n-no p-problem h-human”
The human lifted one hand to their mask, presumably where their chin would be. This gave me a chance to get a good look at them. The flesh of their paw, which I think they call hands, was a smooth pinkish-white, each finger being topped by a wide flat claw that was pink almost to the tip of their finger. Where they became white. Their glossy black mask covered their face entirely but left the back of their head exposed. the human had wavy yellow fur that reached all the way to their shoulders. They were wearing a thick top garment in navy blue, it had sleeves that reached all way to their wrists and had a hood that the human wasn't currently using. Their bottom garment was the same color but seemed to be made out of a rougher material.
The human stuck out their hand In what I recognized to be a greeting gesture.
“I’m Colton by the way. It's nice to meet you”
I placed my paw in their hand and they shook it up and down very gently as if they were unsure about the action themselves.
“I- I’m Anaw” my voice quivered
“It's nice to meet you, Anaw, though I have some belongings I have to collect”
Colton began walking to the front desk of the building. Curiosity once again won out over my need for sleep and I followed the human as they approached the desk. The white venlil was still there, and still seemed to be distracted by their pad, doom-scrolling Bleat probably. The attendant looks up from their pad and looks completely uninterested in the predator staring down at her. She looks back down making a clear effort to ignore the human.
“Can I get my guitar back now?” Colton asked the attendant.
“Confiscated weapons will be kept as evidence.” the attendant droned.
“My guitar is not a weapon! It's a musical instrument. It's personal, I need it.” pleaded Colton.
This finally made the lady look up from her pad with curiosity. Apparently thrown off by the human's response.
The human wants an instrument back? That means that this human must be a musician!
At that moment Exterminator Ezin stepped out of his office, Now that he was out of uniform the full mass of his grey was on display. He wore a bandage around one of his paws. Seems like his shift was over and was on his way out.
How do you even pack so much wool into an exterminator uniform?
The Exterminator must have been listening in on the conversation because he smirked almost predatorily.
Ezin spoke “Predator if you can somehow prove that primitive club isn't a weapon,”
Venom laced his tone, “Then you can have it back.”
The exterminator raised his bandaged hand toward the human.
“But I doubt you'll be able to.” Ezin gloated with the confidence of someone who knew they were untouchable.
Colton didn't give the exterminator the chance to goad them further and made for the exit. Shoving their clenched fists into their pockets.
If the human is a musician, then they must know a lot about music! Vemly is really into human culture, if I could learn all about human music or even learn to play some then she would definitely be impressed!
I followed Colton out of the exterminator's office and steeled my nerves. I have to ask them if they could show me some human music! And then I can ask them to teach me? Before I could change my mind I yelled out.
“Colton! Wait!”
The human stopped.
“C-can you show me?.. Your Human music?”
​
[First]-[Next]

I had an incident tonight that sparked some ideas in me, and I want to capture them before they slip away or I lose the courage to express them. Please forgive any mistakes or rawness in my writing.
Ever since I started going out with Parker, I've been enjoying myself and connecting with so many people. It has made me feel "normal" again, with less focus on my disabilities and more focus on others. I believe this is my salvation and my best path towards living a purpose-driven life. That conviction hasn't changed.
Tonight, around 7pm, as I was crossing the street in front of the grill, I stumbled and fell and while I experience occasional falls at home, those are usually minor trips where I catch myself on the couch, or I fall onto a padded carpet. This fall was different. It was a series of stumbles, almost catching myself, but ending up face-first on the hard asphalt. If my spinal cord injury hadn't robbed me of the ability to feel pain on my right side, the physical pain would have matched the psychological pain it caused. And that's what I feel compelled to write about.
To me, falling encompasses more than just injuries, pain, or potential embarrassment. It's that moment mid-fall when you have no control, no physical capability to break your descent, and you're at the mercy of gravity and momentum. That feeling of powerlessness is the worst part, and for a while now, I had forgotten just how terrifying that can be.
However, that's only the first part of my story. As I rode home, emotions overwhelmed me—still are—and they led me to consider ideas that may never have connected otherwise. Earlier tonight, I had a sense of pleasure regarding a person who also experienced a fall today. I admit I found satisfaction in witnessing this "world leader" stumble and faceplant on a stage in front of everyone. I have come to blame him for many problems that have recently affected my finances, and there are other issues he’s responsible for that I won't discuss here. This isn’t about politics. But one thing I realize is that it's wrong to revel in or celebrate someone else's failures. Falling is falling, and perhaps, just maybe, it affected him as deeply as it affected me, even if he does possess money and power to alleviate that pain.
To summarize what I'm attempting to say is that one's health and mobility are precious gifts that can be taken away unexpectedly and within my story lies a lesson about how the wishes or intentions we have for others can easily come back to haunt us. A line from the movie "The Color Purple" keeps echoing in my mind: "The jail you planned for me is the one you gonna rot in." In other words, it's best to wish and hope only the best for other people.
I hope I remember this lesson.

The Release Notes for 2023 Season 3 have been posted on the iRacing Forums!
Find them posted here:
https://forums.iracing.com/discussion/42721/2023-season-3-release-notes-pre-release-version#latest
​
Or read them below!
========================================================================

2023 Season 3 Release Notes [Pre-Release Version]

This is the iRacing 2023 Season 3 Release! This release contains both content and upgrades for 2023 Season 3, which officially starts on June 12th! This season update includes three new cars: Cadillac V-Series.R GTP, Ligier JS P320, and Porsche 911 GT3 R (992). iRacing also expands its track offerings to include MotorLand Aragón (7 configs) and Willow Springs International Raceway, as well as a new 2023 Cup config for Chicago Street Course.
Our Dirt Taskforce has completed their work on the Dirt Refresh Project shared with the community back in February, and we are excited for you to experience the fruits of their labors. The Spotter System has received a Race Control-focused set of updates and new calls that will liven up your racing and keep you better informed about what is happening on the track and in the race. New challengers approach - you will now have the ability to add AI Opponent Rosters to your Hosted Sessions that utilize the Heat Racing format! We are excited to announce we have been investing time into saving you time, loading time to be precise, and this Season Release includes a first phase of loading optimizations that should get you into the driver’s seat just a little bit faster. Willow Springs International Raceway is proud to pioneer a new 3D Foliage System that automatically populates the environment with grasses, shrubs, and other creations of Mother Nature. USB Audio Hot Swapping is now fully enabled and supported by iRacing for all of your headset and speaker needs. A new Graphics Option has also been added which controls the display of all cockpit obstructions instead of this parameter being car setup specific.
The New Damage Model has been put into practice on eleven additional cars. And last but not least our AI Drivers have mastered eight new cars and twenty-four new track configurations. Welcome to iRacing 2023 Season 3!
Season highlights include:

• Cadillac V-Series.R GTP
• Ligier JS P320
• Porsche 911 GT3 R (992)
• MotorLand Aragón (7 configs)
• Willow Springs International Raceway
• New Track Configuration: Chicago Street Course - 2023 Cup
• Dirt Racing Refresh Project
• New Spotter Calls and Updates for Race Control
• Hosted Session AI Heat Racing
• Phase 1 of Loading Time Improvements
• 3D Foliage System
• USB Audio Device Hot Swapping
• Cockpit Obstruction Removal Graphics Option
• New Damage Model for 11 Vehicles (Cadillac V-Series.R GTP, Dirt Late Model (ALL), Ligier JS P320, NASCAR Truck Series Trucks, Porsche 911 GT3 Cup (992), Porsche 911 GT3 R (992), and Renault Clio R.S. V)
• AI Racing for 8 Cars (Aston Martin DBR9 GT1, Cadillac CTS-V Racecar, Cadillac V-Series.R GTP, Chevrolet Corvette C6.R GT1, Ford GT GT2, Ligier JS P320, Porsche 911 GT3 R (992), and Radical SR10)
• AI Racing at 24 Track Configurations (Autodromo Nazionale Monza - GP without first chicane, Junior, and GP without chicanes, Chicago Street Course - 2023 Cup and Prototype, Circuit of the Americas - East and West, Irwindale Speedway - ALL FIVE Configs, MotorLand Aragón - ALL SEVEN Configs, Nashville Fairgrounds Speedway - Mini, New Smyrna Speedway, Twin Ring Motegi - East and Oval, and Willow Springs International Raceway)
• Hundreds of new and optimized official iRacing vehicle setups

Visit our 2023 Season 3 features page here: https://www.iracing.com/seasons/2023-s3/
Full 2023 Season 3 Release details are below.
​

iRACING UI:

--------------------------------------------------------------

Hosted Racing

• The Create Starting Grid functionality and button are now disabled whenever both Heat Racing and AI Opponent Roster are selected for an Event.

AI Racing

• AI Drivers have completed an extensive training course for participating in the Heat Racing format!
• - - Heat Racing is now available for Hosted Sessions using AI Rosters!
• - - This is a brand new feature implementation for both AI Racing and the Heat Racing format.
• - - - - It is important to note that this feature is only available for Hosted Racing events at this time. AI Drivers still need the support of real humans in their Sessions or artificial chaos would surely ensue.

Tracks

• All Track location information has been standardized and updated. All Track locations are now identified by: City, State/Province, Country.

Leagues

• Fixed an issue where the names of AI Drivers who won League Series Sessions were forgotten when viewing the League Season Schedule.

Paint Shop

• A new sponsor, Maconi Setup Shop, has been added to the Paint Shop!
• Fixed an issue with a missing font for the Stock Car Pro Series Class Cars.

​

SIMULATION:

--------------------------------------------------------------

Windows Support

• With the release of iRacing 2023 Season 3, the Windows 8.1 operating system is no longer able to successfully launch the iRacing application.
• - - Microsoft officially dropped support for Windows 8.1 on January 14th, 2023. As a result of this, it is no longer compatible with our software, and it will fail to launch.
• - - If you need help installing or running iRacing on Windows 10 or 11, please contact Customer Support here: https://support.iracing.com. Customer Support cannot get iRacing to work on Windows 8.1.

Race Servers

• Race Server capacity has been expanded to allow for nine different car models to be present within a Session.
• A user’s average lap time will no longer exclude laps that had been labeled as “invalid”.
• Fixed an issue where some Open Practice Race Servers were closing early due to inactivity.
• Fixed an issue where track temperatures were changing wildly if the Session was restarted (via AI Racing controls for example).

Loading

• Some adjustments have been made to how video memory resources are loaded.
• Some car loading algorithms have been optimized.

Dynamic Track

• The manner in which the dynamic track algorithm was calculated on surfaces has been improved, particularly along outside track edges.
• Fixed an issue where the visual display of some dynamic track data including dirt, marbles, and rubber was not functioning correctly on some track segments.

Race Control

• The algorithm for generating race splits based on car classes has been improved slightly.
• Short Parade Laps are now available for use at the following additional track configurations:
• - - Barber Motorsports Park - Full Course
• - - Brands Hatch Circuit - Indy
• - - Canadian Tire Motorsports Park
• - - Charlotte Motor Speedway - Roval, Roval - 2018, & Roval Long
• - - Circuit Park Zandvoort - Grand Prix
• - - Circuit Zolder - Grand Prix, & Alternate
• - - Daytona International Speedway - Oval - 2008, Road Course - 2008, & Moto - 2008
• - - Hockenheimring Baden-Württemberg - PEC - Outer
• - - Indianapolis Motor Speedway - Oval - 2009, Open Wheel Oval - 2009, Road Course - 2009, & Bike
• - - Long Beach Street Circuit
• - - Mount Panorama Circuit
• - - Phillip Island Circuit
• - - Talladega Superspeedway

Qualifying Scrutiny

• The Qualifying Scrutiny system has been adjusted to better handle cases where cars needed time to get up to speed after leaving their starting location.

Dirt Racing

• A variety of updates as a result of the Dirt Refresh Project have been enabled!
• - - This project enlisted a focus group of developers, vehicle dynamicists, and testers who did a deep dig through everything that makes our Dirt Racing tick, and they’ve emerged with some sweeping improvements and updates.
• - - Dirt track parameters as a whole have been updated, including:
• - - - - Racing dirt properties at all levels of wear and wetness
• - - - - Dirt height variance, depth, and hardpan behavior
• - - - - Track wear parameters
• - - - - Tire rubber accumulation
• - - - - Dirt displacement from tires
• - - - - The formation of track roughness and perturbation
• - - - - The progression of dynamic track data has been updated for all dirt tracks
• - - All Dirt Racing tires have been updated with some of the following improvements:
• - - - - New wear rates based on the hardness and wetness of the dirt racing surface
• - - - - Dirt displacement parameters
• - - - - The manner in which tires calculate their contact on undulating dirt surfaces has been improved.

AI Racing

• AI Drivers have completed an extensive training course for participating in the Heat Racing format!
• - - Heat Racing is now available for Hosted Sessions using AI Rosters!
• - - This is a brand new feature implementation for both AI Racing and the Heat Racing format.
• - - - - It is important to note that this feature is only available for Hosted Racing events at this time. AI Drivers still need the support of real humans in their Sessions or artificial chaos would surely ensue.
• AI Drivers are now fully trained and capable drivers for the following new vehicles:
• - - Aston Martin DBR9 GT1
• - - Cadillac CTS-V Racecar
• - - Cadillac V-Series.R GTP
• - - Chevrolet Corvette C6.R GT1
• - - Ford GT GT2
• - - Ligier JS P320
• - - Porsche 911 GT3 R (992)
• - - Radical SR10
• AI Drivers have memorized and are ready to race for the gold at the following new tracks and configurations:
• - - Autodromo Nazionale Monza - GP without first chicane, Junior, and GP without chicanes
• - - Chicago Street Course - 2023 Cup and Prototype
• - - Circuit of the Americas - East and West
• - - Irwindale Speedway - ALL 5 Configurations
• - - MotorLand Aragón - ALL 7 Configurations
• - - Nashville Fairgrounds Speedway - Mini
• - - New Smyrna Speedway
• - - Twin Ring Motegi - East and Oval
• - - Willow Springs International Raceway
• AI Drivers have graduated from yet another season of advanced education classes. Training for 2023 Season 3 included the following programs:
• - - Kinesthetics for Preventing Pace Lap Panic
• - - [PHY-220] Drafting Speed Predictions
• - - White-Knuckle Door-to-Door Racing: A Retrospective
• - - Fast Cars Beware: Slow Cars
• - - Slow Cars Beware: Fast Cars
• - - AI Program Upgrade IV: Reaction Timing (Class: Pistol Shrimp)
• - - Danny S.’s Pre-School Seminar: Left-Hand Makes the “L”!
• - - The Technical Know-How Overlaps for GTP & Rocket Ship Piloting
• - - SuperTravel SuperProgram 2023: SuperSpeedways
• - - Lessons from Slot Car Racing on Racing Lines
• - - Tire Compound Connoisseur Magazine (Spring ‘23 Issue)
• - - Brake Pad Dissection - a Science Lab Qualified Course
• AI Drivers have improved their driving skills with the following vehicles:
• - - NASCAR Cup Series Next Gen Cars
• - - NASCAR Trucks
• - - BMW M Hybrid V8
• - - Dallara P217
• AI Drivers have improved their driving skills at the following track configs:
• - - Atlanta Motor Speedway - Oval
• - - Bristol Motor Speedway - Dual Pit Roads & Single Pit Road
• - - Canadian Tire Motorsports Park
• - - Daytona International Speedway - Oval
• - - Detroit Grand Prix at Belle Isle
• - - iRacing Superspeedway
• - - Talladega Superspeedway
• AI Drivers and their cars are now immediately removed from the world at the end of a Session. For safety.
• Fixed a handful of AI System issues including:
• - - Fixed an issue where custom Paint Schemes were not appearing on AI Drivers in Replays.
• - - Fixed an issue where AI Drivers could lag up to several seconds after the green before hitting the gas for standing starts in Hosted Sessions.
• - - Fixed an issue where AI Drivers could incur gain-time penalties while they were being towed back to their pit box. We don’t know what they were doing to Race Control staff to earn them, but it should be fixed now.
• - - Fixed an issue where multiple “Pitting In” notifications could be received.
• - - Fixed an issue with the display of AI Driver names on the Entries tab for Replays.
• - - Fixed an issue where AI Drivers appeared to be using the incorrect dive plane for the Dallara P217.

New Damage Model

• The New Damage Model is now active on the following additional vehicles:
• - - Cadillac V-Series.R GTP
• - - Dirt Late Model (ALL)
• - - Ligier JS P320
• - - NASCAR Truck Chevrolet Silverado
• - - NASCAR Truck Ford F150
• - - NASCAR Truck Toyota Tundra TRD Pro
• - - Porsche 911 GT3 Cup (992)
• - - Porsche 911 GT3 R (992)
• - - Renault Clio R.S. V
• Some New Damage Model system code has been reorganized to make future development easier.

Auto Fuel

• Spotters and Team Members may now control their driver's Auto Fuel state.

Spotter

• The iRacing Spotter System has received some updates to help make it more accurate and dynamic. It is now better able to read Race Control events as they occur on the track, and a variety of new Spotter Calls have been added:
• - - Car in Front/Behind is Pitting
• - - Faster Car Approaching
• - - Gaining/Losing the car in front
• - - Leader Change
• - - Leader Lap Time
• - - Leader is Lapping You
• - - Session New Fastest Lap
• - - Your Personal Best Lap Time
• - - Time Remaining in Session 20/10/5 Minutes
• - - Settings for these new messages have been added to the “[SPCC]” section of the “app.ini” file.
• - - - - These messages will only play if “Chattiness” is set to MEDIUM or HIGH, and they are turned on in the “app.ini” file, which they are by default.
• A new “Silence” function has been added for the Spotter.
• - - In the Sound Options Menu, users can bind a key press that will interrupt and stop any current spotter message and temporarily disable future messages for a short duration. The duration of the hush may be adjusted via the “hushDuration” variable in the “app.ini” file, found in the “[SPCC]” section.
• “Leader Car” calls now returns the leader car in the same class as the player car. This means all spotter messages pertaining to the leader will now reference the leader in the same class as the player, instead of the outright leader.
• - - Messages include:
• - - - - Leader is pitting now
• - - - - Leader is at Start/Finish
• - - - - You're catching the leader
• - - - - One lap to win (if you are the leader car)
• Both Italian spotter packs have been updated and improved!
• - - Many thanks to Renzo A. Olivieri and Marco Arcidiacono!
• The Race Laps remaining spotter message logic has been updated.
• Fixed an issue with the fuel spotter calls when the pit entry location was dramatically different from the Start/Finish line location.

Graphics

• A new Graphics Option has been added: Hide Cockpit Obstructions.
• - - This option hides several visually obstructive elements from the world, including: Halo, A-Pillar, and Rock Screen.
• Vehicles that utilize the New Damage model have had their car model format adjusted to reduce video memory demands.
• Improved the accuracy of steering angles for viewing your opponents’ cars’ wheels.
• Adjust brake light exposure on some cars to try to prevent them from turning white when viewed from a distance.
• Updated the system which processes the hiding and displaying of halos for Replays.
• GGX blended dirt texture shaders have been improved.
• SpeedTree lighting has been updated.
• The graphics Option for SpeedTree self-shadowing has been removed.
• - - The visual benefits were minimal and the processing needs were demanding.
• Tooltips have been added for SSAO parameters.
• A new SDK for SpeedTree has been integrated.
• Fixed an issue where the reverse and unseen sides of some SpeedTree faces were being rendered, wasting processing time.
• Fixed an issue where distortion particles were not rendering properly unless they were inside the car.
• Fixed an issue where motion blur would trigger whenever the garage was visited.
• Fixed an issue where motion blur was appearing at different amounts on different parts of the same car.

3D Foliage System

• A new environmental graphics feature option has been added to the graphics options menu: Foliage!
• - - The new Foliage system procedurally generates 3D foliage of an appropriate biome type at specified tracks. Foliage may include grasses, shrubs, boulders, cacti, flowers, and other small environmental assets. 3D foliage has no impact on driving or physics, but should decorate the world much more realistically.
• - - In the Graphics Options menu, there are several levels of detail that may be selected for use by the 3D Foliage System which can customize your visual experience and your rendering performance. You may also select to disable the system entirely.
• - - With this release, only Willow Springs International Raceway has been seeded by the new 3D Foliage system so far, but Mother Nature always finds a way to spread!

Visual Effects

• Lighting for particle effects has been improved.
• The PopcornFX SDK has been updated to the latest version.

Audio

• Audio Hot Swap support has been added to iRacing!
• - - Forgot to plug in your headset before the race starts? iRacing now detects your device when it's plugged in, even during a race. If you've selected "System Default" from the sound options, audio automatically moves to the new device when the default changes. If you have selected a specific audio endpoint, it activates once it's available.
• - - Runtime audio device switching is now supported. When the default device is selected, a new default device can be chosen in Windows, and the Simulator will use the new device. If a specific device is selected, it will be used in the Simulator when it is activated in Windows.
• - - - - disableWindowsCoreAudio=0 When enabled (1), this option disables any Windows Core Audio integration (native windows audio).
• - - - - disableAudioDeviceChangedEvents=0 When enabled (1), this option disables dynamic audio device changing.
• - - Please note: Audio Hot Swapping is enabled by default.
• A new Audio Options setting has been added which allows you to assign a System Communication Default Device.
• A new audio option, “ambientMusicDisabled”, has been added to the “app.ini” file.
• - - 0 is the default value. Setting this parameter to 1 will disable all environment music that is normally played over the PA system while in the Simulation.
• Dynamic brake sounds have been rebalanced.
• Audio for load transmission on a variety of cars has been improved.
• The engine audio for all Pace Cars has been adjusted and optimized.

Environment

• New color and texture variations have been added for a variety of parked vehicles found around the tracks.

Interface

• Enhanced the right-click pop-up menus on the Session/Replay screen, and the Driving screen, to provide the option for private messaging (PM-ing) an individual user, the current driver of a car, or a car's entire Team (which includes a driver's spotters/crew in non-team sessions).
• - - Existing Admin/Race Control operations applied to a car that would have PM-ed someone on the team have been updated to message the whole team, instead of just one team member.
• - - Manually PM-ing a car number using "/#N", with N being the displayed car number, including leading zeros if shown, will now PM the whole team.
• - - To PM just the team member that's currently driving the car, use "/#N@" (add the @ symbol immediately after the car number). If the team's car is in its pit stall but the driver has gotten out of the car, that user is still PM-ed. If the team's car is not even in the world, no PM is sent when attempting to message its current driver, and you will be informed of this.
• - - - - To prevent receiving duplicate messages, if you would receive a chat message you sent because the target includes you (you're on the target team, you're the target team's driver, or you're talking to yourself!), you only receive the message due to being associated with the target of the message. That is, the message is not separately echoed directly back to you.
• - - You can continue to manually PM an individual using the existing mechanism of specifying their name after the "/".
• Text chat responses to Race Control Admin commands now identify the targeted entry with the team name and car number, instead of the name of the driver. In non-driver-swap events, the “team name” is the driver's name.
• An option for the units selection has been updated to “English (USA)” for clarity.

Camera

• A new highest option level, “Ultra”, has been added for Motion Blur.
• Fixed an issue with Driver View Pitch/Roll chassis effects so that when the view is locked to the horizon the car can now roll farther without the camera following the position of the car. This should help reduce motion sickness in VR if you use this feature.
• Fixed an issue for whenever a car’s center-of-mass left the camera frame, all motion blur on the car was lost.
• Fixed an issue where the focus of the camera was getting unwanted motion blur for cockpit cameras.
• Fixed an issue with motion blur on cars when using multiple displays.

Controls

• The automatic parking brake that holds a car still when you come to a stop will now fully apply itself anytime the car comes to a stop, rather than waiting for the user to hold the brake pedal down once stopped. This should help prevent cars from accidentally rolling away when you come to a quick stop but fail to fully engage the brake pedal.
• The Reset Button now prevents users from putting you into the car if your steering wheel needs assignment. Doing this now will take you to the Controls Wizard and allow you to assign and calibrate your driving controls.
• The test for XInput devices has been simplified.
• Fixed an issue that could cause some joysticks to fail to calibrate properly if the previous calibration was similar enough to the new calibration.
• Fixed an issue in the Options screen where the inputs (shifter, wheel, etc) would not respond if a button was held down on a wheel.

Force Feedback

• When calibrating a wheel, iRacing now checks that your selected maximum wheel angle and Force Feedback status match what we expect based on your detected hardware. A notification will appear if these do not match.
• - - This is an effort to detect common errors with certain wheels, either that do not have the correct drivers installed or that have a maximum wheel angle set to a very low value by default. If you receive this notification, or need help setting up your racing wheel, please reach out to Customer Support.
• iRacing will now try to automatically detect your racing wheel’s maximum force, and adjust the wheel force slider accordingly. This is used to help us safely and automatically calculate the force levels to send to your wheel. We can't always know how your wheel is set up, so this may be an overestimate of your maximum force level. This is the safer guess, but in some instances it may limit how strong of a force you can request from the simulation. In those cases you can turn off the “auto-mode” and manually set your wheel’s peak value, if known.
• Improved the force auto tune button so that it takes the wheels maximum force into account. This will lighten up the auto tune as the wheel force increases.
• - - There is a new scaling parameter in the “app.ini” file, “autoForceFactor”. This value defaults to 0.5, and allows you to adjust the aggressiveness of the reduction. Setting “[Force Feedback] autoForceFactor=1” will remove all reduction, giving you a 1:1 force output. Setting it to 0 will effectively always give you 6 Nm of peak force at the wheel. Any value in between will blend between these two extremes. The default value of 0.5 should be a good value for most users.
• A mappable button (Ctrl-A) has been added to apply the Auto Force adjustment found in the F9 Black Box.
• For the Auto Force Feedback peak force detection, data collected when the car is out of control will now be suppressed. Also, data collection will be paused for several seconds immediately after an incident. The goal is to make this system more stable and consistent, even if you wreck.
• For Force Feedback, a safety check has been added to detect if the wheel jumped in position (ie: we lost/gained communication with the wheel). If a communication interruption is detected, Force Feedback will be suppressed momentarily for safety.
• A new slew rate limiter filter that is controlled via the smoothing slider is now available in the Force Feedback options tab.
• - - This filter limits the rate of change of the force feedback signal so your wheel can't accelerate beyond a fixed value. In essence it smooths out the large jolts while leaving the rest of the signal alone. A value of 25% will have almost no impact on your regular driving, while softenting out curb or wall impacts, and a value of 75% will smooth out most rumble strips and make curb hits almost invisible. If you find that you have to turn down the FFB forces below the level you would like because the jolts from curbs or accidents are too large, then try turning this filter up instead. Try a value of 50% to start, and turn it down to 25% if you feel it is too much.
• - - - - You can go back to the old boxcar filter via the “[Force Feedback] smoothingFilterType=1” entry in the “app.ini” file.

Replays

• Chat messages and incident point accruement are now saved and viewable with Replays.
• Fixed an issue where custom Paint Schemes were not appearing on AI Drivers in Replays.

Telemetry

• Live brake line pressure (LFbrakeLinePress) has now been zeroed out and will no longer show a value.
• - - Disk based brake line pressure is still available (LFbrakeLinePress), and now has any ripple from the abs modulation included in its value.
• - - A new BrakeABSCutPct value has been added to the disk based telemetry that shows the percent of brake force reduction being applied by the ABS system.
• Driver suit, body, face, and helmet type ids have been added to the session string.

Official iRacing Sporting Code

• A variety of updates have been made to the Official iRacing Sporting Code, including:
• - - A new section 6.8.3. has been added which describes the correct behavior for Starting from Pits.
• - - Restructured the paragraphs describing Rolling Starts for improved clarity for both Oval and Road racing.
• - - Better explained how multiclass cars grid, and defined what starts a multiclass race.
• - - License Class images have been updated.
• - - Identified that Joker Laps may not be used for time-based competitions at Rallycross Tracks.
• - - A reminder has been added that it is unacceptable for suspended or restricted Members to use alternate accounts.
• - - Identified that nefarious tactics may also not be used during Races, and removed a poor example of nefarious behavior.
• Review the latest version of the Official iRacing Sporting Code here:
• - - https://www.iracing.com/iracing-official-sporting-code/