Graphs of proportional relationships worksheet
AITA for telling my brother he won't control my love life?
2023.05.29 17:02 Grand-Lab-774 AITA for telling my brother he won't control my love life?
Hello first time poster ( English is not my first language and i am typing this on mobile).I don't even know where to begin but I (20) female is in a relationship with R (23) male, R was my brother's best friend for high school, me and my brother (24) male were always super close but we especially became closer after I turned 18 (legal drinking age where i live) we all (me, my brother and R) were always out at a club or bar, this might be a good time to mention my brother is an alcoholic after we would go out we all would crash at either my or my brother's place (R still lived with his parents at the time) as soon as we would get home my brother would pass out and that gave me and R time to get to know each other (we were never close) after one night out we all came home R had to help my brother to his bed and then we decided to watch a movie, he ordered take out and we just started talking (we were both pretty wasted) he came to me and straight up told me he liked me and i also had feelings for him we talked till 4 in the morning but we both know my brother would not like that we were in a relationship so i told him if he really wanted to date me he would have to tell him, he held my hand and we fell asleep. The next morning i realised what was going on and I've never felt that much joy. I woke up R and he decided he was going to ask my brother if he could date me while i made us breakfast. My brother (still half drunk) said yes and the next day he asked me out. This all took place march 2022. Along the early stages of our relationship he was extremely jealous of me spending time with R without him. He would (in his blackout stages) tell me I deserve better and he would tell R I'm going to leave him. This happend every week from Thursday to Sunday. idk if this matters but me and R decided to not go out as much. He had many other friends but would always show up at our doorstep. Last weekend he told me i need to break up with R or he's going to disown me (he even brought our parents into this) so i told him he's not going to control my love life because he doesn't want me dating his best friend. AITA?
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2023.05.29 17:01 Accomplished_Way_693 I Think I Just Opened The Door To Substances & I’m Not Sure What To Do.
I write this while honestly high out of my mind.
I’ve got this dilemma and I really need your help. I recently got back involved with an ex who, for lack of a better term is very easy. I unfortunately fell in love with the girl who everyone gets a turn on if you catch my drift. Now, I’m stuck on her. We had a TERRIBLE relationship, with lots of cheating etc. Six months later I reached out and found out she was back in my city. A few days ago I visited her new college apartment. We cuddled, kissed I spent the night that sort of thing. Since then it’s been a lot of cancelled reservations on her part.
She did the same thing to her ex—basically ghosting him when she felt like it while we were together. I literally SEE the pattern. But for some reason she’s all I can think about. I’m on shrooms right now, and I’m really afraid this is going to spiral into more substances because this isn’t doing anything for me but making me paranoid, and I am afraid. I’m 23 now, for reference. And I just feel like nothing I do matters. Whether I live or die, I’ll be nothin’ without fixing this situation. But there’s no fixing it. Anybody ever been here? Every waking second I spend thinking about this situation (or just how depressed I actually am) What did I do wrong? Is there someone else? that sort of thing. The only answer I can find are to find stronger substances.
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2023.05.29 17:01 G_404_A So far these are the planets that I love their music the most ! I could listen to plant Burny all day while drawing
2023.05.29 17:00 IorekByrnson [Waybound] Something to fill the void!
With the series coming to an end, I'm both excited to read the final book, and also, slightly depressed the adventure is coming to an end.
With that being said, any recommendations for books similar that you've enjoyed? What I genuinely loved about cradle has been the relationship between Lindon and Yerin. It was never forced, and it grew with them. A book with similar levels of romance would be fantastic.
It doesn't necessarily need to be progression fantasy either. As long as the first point is made!
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2023.05.29 17:00 pointofextinction How to handle work stress
I was sober Jan 1- Apr 29, then relapsed and have been drinking since. I’m recommitting to my sobriety today, but really struggling with work stress. I relapsed AT work. I’m a hairstylist and pretty much self employed. We have a fridge at the salon with alcohol in it at all times, and really no rules. It’s not uncommon to have a drink at work to deal with crazy, stressful clients. I’ve been doing hair a long time, and there’s always been a lot of drinking and partying in the salon culture. I’m just really struggling lately with going to work and listening to everyone else’s shit all day long, and pretending I’m fine (I am NOT). On top of that, at the end of a work day (8-10 hrs) I come home to a sad, dysfunctional marriage where I also don’t feel free to just relax and be myself. I dread going to work in the morning, and I often dread coming home after work. So I drink to numb the dread. My husband seems to like drunk, “happy” me better anyways. I’m truly at a loss of what to do. I can’t afford to not work, or to get out of my relationship. Any tips on making it all more bearable while trying to get sober again?
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2023.05.29 17:00 sharewithme Word of The Hour: society
English: society
- the relationship of men to one another when associated in any way
- an association for mutual or joint usefulness, pleasure, or profit
- companionship; fellowship
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Translations
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Word of The Hour's Annual Survey @
https://wordofthehour.org/form submitted by
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2023.05.29 17:00 abhishekjoshi171 How to stop negative manifestation
I have become a master of manifesting anything I want, but sadly for me, it's all negative things. For example, I can't snap out of hyper anxiety while flying, no matter what I take. I can't succeed in a job even if I get an interview; I will self-implode.
How do I stop negative manifestations in my life? It is ruining my life and my relationships.
I have a job interview in 8 days, and I am thinking about how to stop putting in the universe something will go wrong or I will self-destruct on the day.
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2023.05.29 17:00 _call-me-al_ [Mon, May 29 2023] TL;DR — This is the top investing content you missed in the last 24 hours on Reddit
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If you invest in US stocks and feel confused about the current stock market, you may wish to join us! Here are the latest investment strategies and stock lists, and there will be stock market analysis every day to help you quickly recognize the current situation. Click the link below to join us:
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big gains
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2023.05.29 17:00 noamshomsky emotional regulation during a trigger
hi all,
I have adhd (diagnosed as a child) and I recently found out that we perceive injustice (not just societal..more like dishonesty, boundary crossing, etc) intensely. Coupled with being a HSP (being called sensitive as a child, 'stop crying', getting blamed, etc), this has the potential to cause a recipe for disaster during conflict. But I'm curious of your experiences.. do you feel like you can emotionally regulate around the right people, or when you feel that they are misunderstanding you, the chance of regulation lessens and your sensitivity heightens?
For context, I've been in therapy since the age of 25 (and before..but that was more psychiatry), and have learned a lot about my history, family patterns, emotions, habits, etc. I am hyper-aware. I am currently in love with someone that doesn't quite understand my emotions, gets defensive, and then turns it around on me. When I say he does not understand, I mean more that he says he tries everything he can when I'm crying/when i'm upset at something he did, and he thinks he fails then gets angry and retreats from me. Then it becomes my fault, my "reactions" and my "black outs" like he calls it, are the reason our relationship failed. It's honestly brutal. I totally take responsibility for my reactions and emotions but my therapist posed the question...If I felt safe, would I have continued crying? While I have a lot of work ahead me, I tend to start self-blaming about my emotions, telling myself I fucked everything up, etc. When initially, the conflict that occurred was about boundaries that were crossed (sharing intimate details with a random girl about our relationship, her sending nonsexual pics of herself to him, sending memes back and forth). I was so hurt, I felt like he was continuously lying to protect himself rather than actually acknowledging my hurt. The apology he gave that night was out of necessity, rather. Then the next few days he turned it around on me, calling me insecure, saying he can talk to whoever he wants, when my gut feeling was on fire that night that he wasn't being honest. Not that I think they were having sexual encounters, but just a minor form of emotional intimacy. My sensitivity was like...super heightened.
I have a few questions for you as a community.
Are you able to self soothe around the comfort of safe people? What tools have you used (other than meditation, grounding, etc), when your HSP is on turbo mode? How do you communicate your emotions to a loved one, so they understand, and don't have a chance to turn it around on you? How can a loved one refrain from seeing you as over-emotional, and just see you as being hurt?
Thanks in advance :)
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2023.05.29 17:00 Akitra_Inc What Should You Know About ISO 27001 Internal and External Audits?
| https://preview.redd.it/45fxahjwbs2b1.jpg?width=6240&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6132fe722b6f9cfcf96488d4fa37362a484bc4cd The ISO 27001 compliance framework is one of the most well-established data security standards worldwide. To maintain growth, SaaS companies must promote trust and confidence amongst their customers about their ability to secure and manage data. Getting accredited by the International Organization for Standardization and its compliance protocols (for instance, ISO 27001) is one of the best approaches to demonstrate their credibility. It can help these businesses foster long-lasting relationships with clients, leading to an unimpeachable reputation and an ever-increasing growth in business revenue. ISO 27001 works with an ISMS (Information Security Management System), which requires frequent audits to ensure that the data infrastructure is functioning optimally. An ISO 27001 audit ensures that your company’s security systems adhere to the standard’s requirements and your organization’s business objectives. But what are an ISO 27001 audit’s requirements? What do auditors essentially look for? If you are considering compliance with ISO 27001 framework, you must know what it takes to be audit-ready. But be calm if you are not. In this blog, we will discuss everything you need to know about ISO 27001 audits, including why they are important, their frequency, who can make an ISMS audit, and the exact steps involved in a successful audit. What is an ISO 27001 Audit? An ISO 27001 audit is an assessment of your data systems, where a qualified and unbiased auditor looks at the three criteria outlined below to draw up a report that details how your organization is faring in its data security measures and which areas can be improved upon — - the ISMS or components of it being tested to see if they comply with the requirements of the standard;
- the organization’s own information needs and goals for their ISMS; and,
- the usefulness and efficiency of the controls, procedures, and other measures involved.
As the ISO 27001 compliance standard was created to help an organization reduce its information security risks to a manageable level, it is necessary to verify that the implemented controls do, in fact, decrease risks to a point where the risk owner(s) are satisfied and capable of tolerating the residual risk, in addition to the overall compliance and effectiveness of the ISMS. What are the Different Types of ISO 27001 Audits? There are two types of ISO 27001 audits—internal and external. - Internal audits are the ones that are conducted using the organization’s resources. A hired supplier can perform these audits if the company needs more skilled and impartial auditors on staff. These are frequently called “second-party audits” because the supplier serves as an “internal resource.”
- External audits are the ones that are most frequently conducted by a certifying organization to get or maintain. To get their assurance of the organization’s ISMS, other interested parties (such as partners or customers) may conduct their audits, which are also included in this definition of the term. This is particularly valid when the needs of such a customer or vendor party go above and beyond the norm.
Why are ISO 27001 Audits Important? Both internal and external audits pertaining to the ISO 27001 compliance standard are important. External auditors independently validate your security posture During the external audit. An auditor may provide a knowledgeable and more unbiased view of existing security policies and controls and smart suggestions for further enhancing your overall security posture. Certification audits are particularly crucial since they demonstrate your dedication to security. A well-regarded third-party certification, such as ISO 27001, can provide a significant competitive edge. Additionally, it can shorten the sales cycle and let you quickly advance your business growth. On the other hand, Clause 9.2 of the ISO 27001 standard requires an internal audit program to demonstrate that an ISMS is compliant and operating efficiently. In addition to being necessary, they also provide businesses with several advantages, such as identifying non-conformities and fixing them before a certifying authority does. Additional advantages of both internal and external ISO 27001 audits may include the following: - It assures that your ISMS is properly implemented and complies with the ISO 27001 standard.
- It gives you certified confirmation that your ISMS successfully lowers information security threats.
- An audit also provides a comprehensive understanding of how non-conformities are promptly fixed.
- It assures that all information security issues, occurrences, and incidents are thoroughly documented so that updates and adjustments can be made seamlessly to reinforce the ISMS.
- It also guarantees your organization’s dedication to ongoing progress in security matters.
How Frequently Should You Conduct an ISO 27001 Audit? To help ensure that controls are closely monitored over the long term and your ISMS is always improving, ISO 27001 compliance calls for an internal audit once every 12 months. Customers will find it much easier to trust you with their information and business. For external audits, your organization undergoes a certification audit right at the beginning when your certificate is awarded to you upon passing the audit. Your company must undergo surveillance audits in the first and second years following your certification audit to receive your certification. Lastly, you will need a re-certification audit once every three years. Who Does an ISMS Audit? Your organization will need a certifying body to carry out external audits. Meanwhile, internal audits can be performed within the organization by hiring a third party that is independent and skilled enough to handle it; as long as they are unbiased and are not auditing functions or processes that they supervise or helped build, this party may be an internal or external resource. If you need someone in your organization to meet these requirements, you must hire an outside auditor to assist you in conducting an internal audit. In this next section, we will outline five simple steps you can out to use to conduct an ISO 27001 internal audit. Five Steps to Conduct an ISO 27001 Internal Audit Internal audits are generally customizable to suit the particular organization’s needs and objectives, but here are five core steps to help you get started: - Reviewing documents
The documentation of how the ISMS was generated should be reviewed by your designated auditor, whether internal or external. Since it is what the internal audit entails, this will assist in aligning the scope of the internal audit with the ISMS. The key people in charge of the ISMS’s processes and controls should also be named in the documentation. This step is very helpful, especially when the auditor has to ask for more information about the intricacies of the ISMS. - Preparing for the assessment
The auditor(s), with help from the management, should develop a thorough ISO 27001 internal audit checklist of what has to be done during this phase. The time frame and the resources required to finish the audit should be considered. - Gathering evidence
This audit activity actively samples data to demonstrate that policies are being followed, procedures and standards are being adhered to, and guidance is being considered. - Analyzing data
The audit evidence needs to be organized, filed, and examined in light of the risks and control goals established by your organization and the ISO 27001 standard. The evidence must be organized and checked against the ISO 27001 standard after gathering it. This procedure might show where further audit tests are needed and highlight evidence-gathering shortcomings. - Reporting to management
Once the fieldwork testing and analysis are finished, your audit team will present management with a report. Results should be kept on file as a performance history and evidence that your business complies with the standard’s ISMS requirements. This report mostly includes: - An introduction that details the purpose, goals, schedule, and summation of the work completed;
- The key findings, a synopsis of the analysis, and a conclusion;
- Results and analysis in detail; and,
- An explanation of the suggestions and scope restrictions from the auditor(s).
From there, it is the responsibility of the management to monitor the rectification of non-conformities discovered during the audit after receiving the report. ISO 27001 Compliance Certification With Akitra! Establishing trust is a crucial competitive differentiator when prospecting new SaaS businesses in today’s era of data breaches and compromised privacy. Customers and partners want assurances that their organizations are doing everything possible to prevent disclosing sensitive data and putting them at risk, and compliance certification fills that need. Akitra offers an industry-leading, AI-powered Compliance Automation platform for SaaS companies. Using automated evidence collection and continuous monitoring, together with a full suite of customizable policies and controls as a compliance foundation, our compliance automation platform and service help our customers prepare readiness for the ISO 27001 compliance standard, along with other security frameworks like SOC 1, SOC 2, HIPAA, ISO 27701, ISO 27017, ISO 27018, PCI DSS, GDPR, NIST 800-53, NIST 800-171, CMMC, FedRAMP, and more such as CIS AWS Foundations Benchmark, etc. In addition, companies can use Akitra’s automated questionnaire product to streamline and expedite security questionnaire response processes delivering huge cost savings. Our compliance and security experts will provide customized guidance to navigate the end-to-end compliance process confidently. The benefits of our solution include enormous savings in time, human resources, and cost savings, including discounted audit fees with our audit firm partners. Customers achieve compliance certification fast and cost-effectively, stay continuously compliant as they grow, and can become certified under additional frameworks using a single compliance automation platform. Build customer trust. Choose Akitra TODAY! To book your FREE DEMO, contact us right here. submitted by Akitra_Inc to u/Akitra_Inc [link] [comments] |
2023.05.29 17:00 ThrowRA-singlewife Husband(26m) found and confronted me(25f) of my active dating profile.
I’m gonna try and keep this short and sweet. In September I left him because he’d go out with friends and wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and didn’t come home till 10 am. Every. single. weekend. The entire last year of our relationship. If I dared be upset or question him HE’D get mad and wouldn’t talk to me or start a fight. Wouldn’t eat the dinner I made. Would walk right past me like I was a stranger. Spit in my face (literally) everything was so bad. So I just left. We’ve been separated since. We only have a apartment w our names on it.
I had him blocked from when I left to February 1st. I broke no contact then. From February to the end of march was the worst I’ve felt since I left him lol. Initially he was dragging me along saying he’d take me out to dinner and drinks and talk to each other again, etc. He’d call to hangout and as soon as I’m in my car or outside the apartment he couldn’t anymore bc his friends want to hang out. Same old shit. So the end of march something in my gut told me to go over there . I’m the main person on the lease. I knock he opens the door. There is this girl in our apartment and he basically makes it a scene where it’s like yeah so what and ? I said bet and I left. I didn’t fight or cry (in front of him) I left. She moved into our apartment. Where I moved us into. Where we lived for 4.5 years. Where we got married. He moved her right after. Probably talking yo her while I was still there lol.
A day or two later he calls and I answer he’s w his uncle. They’re drunk. My ex is going on and on about how he’s the man and if he wants to date and marry as many women as he wants, he can. His uncle is laughing and co signing w him. My ex goes (verbatim bc the words are burned into my mind) “so what if I’m going around spreading my seed, I’m a man I can do that, I already am” and laughed and stuck his tongue out at me. Said he has/will have multiple women pregnant and that’s okay because he’s a man . Uncle and his cousin ( a girl) laughing and agreeing. The girl (cousin) comes on the phone says she has a bf back where they’re from (the DR, go figure) and knows he has girlfriends there and here (the us) when he visits and that’s just how it is and I have to accept it. *eye roll* so right then and there I’m like bet. We’re not compatible in any way. And that’s when I stopped talking to him again. He’s not blocked but he messages me and calls me and it goes unanswered unless it’s about the apartment or bills.
AFTER THAT SITUATION, is when I said f it. I need to get out there. Because I was sitting up crying like a damn loser for MONTHS alone and crying while he already had a girlfriend in our home lmao. So yes, I’m on dating apps lol. The uncle that was laughing w him apparently saw my profile and showed him. Last night he texts “ I saw you earlier “ I said oh yeah where? Bc I worked all day so I know he didn’t lol he sent a screenshot of my profile and said found you’re looking for friends (my bio) from his uncle. I haven’t responded.
I just can’t believe the GALL and NERVE for him to do that after his had a gf in my apartment, telling me he’s spreading his seed around, and mutual friends telling me his been dating and going through a lot of women. So what if I’m looking for friends or dating at this point? Idk…I don’t understand. A part of me wants to say “did he swipe right?” Lol the other part just wants to leave it on read bc I don’t want to start a fight. I’m having a hard time feeling bad but idk what to say. Live the life you wanted so bad bro and leave me be. You weren’t worried about me when I was with you now you wanna send screenshots..okay.
Only reason we still married legally is bc the lease is still going. I know him. If I filed or did anything he wouldn’t like he’d stop paying and I’d be SOL. He doesn’t care about a eviction on his record . (Again his words) I do. So I’m waiting till it ends to move forward with filing. We’ve been separated since I left. I don’t know if I should reply or leave it alone. Why now do you care when you’ve been all over the city and surrounding areas lol
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2023.05.29 16:59 DaytonaDemon Woman tells Jewish coworker about “a cabal of rich Satanists” who supposedly “pray for the downfall of Christianity.” Proceeds to ask him to pray with her for her wellbeing and for the safety of all “children of the Lord."
2023.05.29 16:59 ThrowRA77379 What can I do about My (18 M) anxiety towards my relationship(19 F)?
I’m [18M] posting here due to stress over my relationship with my [19F] girlfriend. She is perfect in every way. I met her at uni and rn we are 2 hours away from each other. At least once a week she drives to come see me when she is off work which is really cool because it shows me she cares and I make sure to buy her dinner and treat her well in return. She is perfect for me and has even said I’m perfect for her. Her actions line up with those words. However the past 24 hours we’ve been texting(not too much because we both aren’t big texters and have our own lives to manage when we aren’t together) and we started talking about her day. She said she went for a walk and out of curiosity I asked if it was with anyone because I know she struggles with friends a bit and want to keep tabs on that so I can encourage her to make more. She said no and I tried to dig into it a bit suggesting she could reach out to a girl she met at work who she’s talked to a few times. After that she straight up ghosted me and I went to bed stressed because that seemed out of the blue. I have anxiety and every relationship I’ve had in the past I’ve been told words of affirmation only to be hurt in the end because the person didn’t mean them(obviously I’m not perfect I’m sure some ended due to my own issues but I’ve since grown a lot). I’m worried after this that the same will happen with her and am unsure where to go from here. How do I talk to her about this assuming she replies this morning without coming off as needy or untrusting because I don’t want to damage the relationship I just also don’t want to have this happen again or at least understand it better so I don’t lose sleep or emotionally numb myself to avoid my fears coming true. I worry if she hurts and leaves me like this I won’t be able to trust/love again due to her being so different from the past only to give the same outcome.
Sorry about the long post I just need reassurance not to do anything irrational based on gut anxiety.
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2023.05.29 16:59 Rivermate How to book sales meetings on autopilot using AI
Hey fellow Redditors,
I hope you're all having a great day! As someone who's been on the B2B scene for a while now, I wanted to share a little something that's recently taken my interest, and frankly, has blown my socks off.
We've all been there, trying to find leads, nurture them, get them to commit to a call or a meeting—it's the bread and butter of B2B, but man, can it be a slog sometimes. Not to mention the time and effort it takes to build effective campaigns.
Well, I have been working on a solution. I've taken the classic B2B lead generation process and given it a bit of an AI twist. I've designed a service that handles the entire process—yes, the whole enchilada. From building a tailored campaign, identifying those elusive high-potential leads, reaching out to them, and nurturing them until they're ready for a sales call, we've got you covered.
The best part? This isn't just a faceless, robotic process. Our AI is designed to engage with leads in a conversational, human-like way. It's all about creating meaningful interactions that build trust and relationships with your potential customers.
And you know what's even better? We handle it all. It's a fully done-for-you service, so you can focus on what you do best—running your business, while we bring the leads to you.
Now, I'm not here to hard sell anyone (that's against the Reddit rules, and I'm a firm believer in respecting the community). But I genuinely think this is something that could help a lot of us out here.
If this piques your interest, we're offering demo calls to showcase the system in action. It's a no-pressure chat, just to give you a sense of how it works and how it could help you streamline your lead gen process.
Just comment below or DM me if you're interested in setting up a time for a demo call. I'm excited to show you the ropes and answer any questions you might have.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Even if you're not interested in a demo, I'd love to hear what you think about this AI-infused future of B2B lead generation.
Cheers, Your Friendly AI Enthusiast
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2023.05.29 16:58 cfpants Can we call it Love Hailing?
So, we all know that love bombing is bad. He wants to meet your parents/kids or maybe propose after single digit weeks, you're "the one" after date three, etc. Obviously 🚩🚩🚩.
But. What about the lighter version of this? It looks like heavy enthusiasm within the first week or two of meeting you: he wants to see you every few days, he's a little over the top with compliments, he tells you he misses you almost every day, etc.
The last dude I dated did this, and it caused me to let down my guard and feel really secure in our relationship. He abruptly went cold right after he asked me to be his girlfriend, less than two months in. Broke up with me 10 days after that. It was easy to move on from because who behaves like that? 🙄 But, it kind of sucked.
Met a new dude. I really, really like him. Unexpected fantastic conversation/bantereport. Tells me I'm beautiful before the end of the date. Next day asks to see me again (I declined) and buys a small food thing for me because I told him it was my favorite. That was two days ago. This morning asked to see me again for a quick drink or bite to eat (we already have plans to meet up in three days). Said he'd rather spend 45 minutes with me than spend hours with most other people.
Like... I actually feel the same way, but I need to pace myself in order to build trust and keep a healthy perspective, so I don't act on those impulses. But he is acting on them, and I'm not sure if I should be concerned.
Is the light version of love bombing -- love hailing, let's call it (unless someone has something more clever!) -- usually a bad sign? What do you all think? Anymore nuance in his behavior that I should be taking into consideration? Has anyone been hailed upon and it turned out great?
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2023.05.29 16:58 jumbojimslice Shiv & Tom
So I keep seeing people say that "Shiv realized Ken wouldn't do a good job" based on how he acted at the board meeting and in the office and frankly I just don't believe that analysis. I think it comes down far more on emotion and the preserving of her marriage. She realized that if if she didn't push the deal through that would be the end of any chance of her and Tom trying a "real relationship" because she would be taking away the one thing Tom wants more than anything.
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2023.05.29 16:57 Janiciar94 colleague hate me without a reason
Hi all i have new work in office and i have great relationship with everyone expect one colleague wich i helped most as im kinda smart and she think im totally oposite shes always problem come late, come out first like hour before end of shift like wtf is this? Why shes hate me? i wonder if its because i have great relationship with everyone and shes always say shit like nobody talk with me blabla :D....any ideas? should i ignore her or be kind and helpfull still?
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2023.05.29 16:57 QTRqtr Questions from a mono
Months ago I started seeing a non-monogamous person that I was I’m unaware was non monogamous until we started messaging through a dating app. We were very upfront with each other at the beginning. (I also want to note I do find this person attractive and this will come later) she just got out of a relationship with her NP who ended up only wanting to stick to monogamy.
We moved quickly of the app to a first date. (Which has been the first for me ever of a woman wanting to meet in person at this speed) The date went really well. (this is where it would start my confusion if she’s a very forgetful person or if it’s more inconsideration it can honestly be both) After the date she even offered to walk me home. (Also I’m a male) We talked about how we don’t know what either of us want and she asked if we could be friends and I was genuinely fine with that as per the conversation I was not ready for a relationship regardless of she was non monogamous. Also I don’t find searching for serious relationships or just being casual for long periods of time. (Marriage for me is a possibility and will be in the long run so I’m not desperate in super serious relationships) She then asked to kiss me and we did. For the next month in a half we went out every week. (In my poly research I would later learn this may be too much but she was receptive to everything I asked if she wanted to do something and schedule me in) she works heavy hours and is busy so it stayed to once a week. (The first week of seeing each other was the week her NP was moving out.
It was by the third date/second week of seeing each other when we moved it to the bed. And I will admit I was lacking. I was nervous and couldn’t perform but I did perform oral and to keep the cliche going I’m not sure if she did climax. It could be me or I’m just thinking to negative focus on penetration. After this night she was still receptive and we still talked. It wasn’t non stop messages as her job was usually 12 hour shifts at weird times. We go on a few events and another time in bed. (Which I underperformed again but give oral) After this she has important job requirements for a month. The communication is sparse but I do admit I may have asked to hangout one too many times. Around the end of this month we are planning a hangout until she says is it ok if we hang out as friends and isn’t feeling romantic feelings towards me. I do ask for time to get my thoughts together as I though we were already friends.
I write a long message asking to clarify what she means as in most monogamous dating situations that means a polite exit from seeing each other at all. I also ask if the amount of times we are seeing each other is to much and should we decrease it. She said she wants to try to date only non monogamous people which I understand as she got got out of a long relation ship with a monogamous person but once again I was under the assumption we were already friends. She takes a few days with no response so I message if I upsetting or confusing. ( I hate text messaging, you can’t add tone or inflection and things can come out more aggressive when looking for clarification) she responds that she hasn’t figured out how to answer yet and I say i understand. This is our last conversation in months.
Are there any thoughts? I read up on polyamory during the time seeing her to get a better understand but I also need to know from her how she views thing polyamorous just for communication sake.
I’ve read up more on this sub and I’m conflicted. Was this a way of her letting me down easy forgetting that we already said we were friends? Did she want to slow down on seeing each other? Like I said earlier I’m also completely fine with a fwb situation and understanding I’m not her priority. I’m thinking my underperformance plays a part. I am overweight and it does sometimes effect my self esteem and I do understand it can be a turn off.(this statement is not meant to be a pity party I understand people have preferences) Should I message her? I’ve done more reading on poly topics and understand friends vs casual partnership vs serious partnership. (she would also talk about her relationships interchangeable. Multiple times she would refer to close relationships as friends and never used the term sex partner)But I also I feel I deserve for her to clarify in monogamous terms not to change her relationship style just so I can understand the differences based on how she views poly.
What other things could be happening for someone who lives poly? Based on your experiences what do you believe what the reason was and what can be done about that. Part of me doesn’t want to feel stupid that when she meant friends she meant what we were already doing except less or no date like events and the miscommunication ruined something. She was extremely extremely enthusiastic early on and if this is a situation we’re it’s the honeymoon stage and she says things to give the best impression that doesn’t help me and I rather have clarity. Like I said I have no problem with a fwb which is what we agreed on AFTER we talked about our comparability and she said how how does friends sound and kiss me to later suggest something we already agreed to with being friends and her having no romantic feelings. I was unaware that’s what she was measuring during our time.
I feel it would be dishonest to stay in a friendship if I’m sexually attracted to the person. I understand this is also monogamous thinking.
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2023.05.29 16:57 trysomethingelsey I'm (20) with my boyfriend (29) together for six years straight.
I'm (20) with my boyfriend (29) together for six years straight. We started to date when I was 14, when he told me he likes me on the phone. I know thats odd. From the very beginning our relationship is only at a distance, we meet once in a while for a few days or weeks. He lives far away, around 300 km from my place. Before, I was happy, everything was going well and everything was fine, except when there were moments of doubt.
For around 2 months I have felt indifference to everything that surrounds me, even when a family member dies, I cannot cry. I stopped caring about learning, I look at everything with distance. I don't know where it came from - this indifference, probably started when my mom asked me if I'm sure that I want to be with my boyfriend forever. I had my doubts. I stop feeling anything for my boyfriend, I burst into tears during sex and I can't explain why... Im blaming myself because I'm harsh on him. I can't do anything about it, I feel lost. I haven't talked to him about it because I know how he'll react. I'm also a person who's talkative and is being friends with a lot of guys, so I know that the fault of not feeling what I once felt, could fall on one of my friends. I realized I wasn't getting what I needed from him. I don't feel what I had before and I don't know how to fix it and if I can fix it or if it can be fixed at all. I can't bring myself to talk to him and I don't know what to say to him. I have no one to talk to, I can't trust anyone, and my parents don't like him and have been against this relationship from the beginning. I think about what they think and I take it to heart, but I don't agree that we should break up.
I wonder how he will react and if it can be saved. I feel guilty and can't function if the matter is not cleared up because I'm constantly stressed about this. What would be your advice?
TLDR: For around 2 months I have felt indifference to everything that surrounds me, even when a family member dies, I cannot cry.I stop feeling anything for my boyfriend, I burst into tears during sex and I can't explain why... Im blaming myself because I'm harsh on him. I can't do anything about it, I feel lost.
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2023.05.29 16:57 januarysunblock Broken heart, looking for similar stories
I feel like I’m drowning in grief. My dad died last month from stage 4 liver failure. Seeing him totally jaundiced, unable to speak due to the levels of ammonia, on a ventilator and dialysis was traumatizing, to say the least. I started going to Al-Anon immediately following his death. The meetings, in combination with several books and therapy have forced me to really analyze the 3.5 year relationship I was in, as my partner is a bartender.
Alcohol is his passion and hobby and while he has made efforts to lessen his drinking (2 duis under the belt, although they are 5+ years old) I began to realize I didn’t have a comfort level with his level/frequency of drinking. I am not sober from alcohol, nor do I intend to be, I think it’s OK in moderation. However, the idea of being around bar culture/binge drinking into my late adulthood (I’m 27) began growing into a more anxiety inducing thought. he does not binge drink every time he drinks, but it’s the frequency of a drink, or getting a buzz, or a big night out, that has worried me.
I love and am in love with him so much, but ended the relationship yesterday. I feel like I’ve made a mistake because my feelings of love are so strong, but I know with a certainty that I do not have it in me to lose someone else I love to alcohol.
Where I am struggling is that he is in perfect health, and there’s no way to tell if he would end up like my dad.. but what I’ve learned in meetings so far is that alcoholism is a progressive disease. No one intends to die that way. I’m wondering if I should try to fix things and just choose to detach from his drinking. He told me we all die eventually of one thing or another.. which is true. He also told me that I’m focusing too much on my grief bc I am constantly reading books, going to meetings or seeing my therapist, so it’s no wonder I’m “traumatized” and can’t stop thinking about my dad in the ICU. I was with him through his own dads death 2 years ago due to Covid, and we handle these things differently.
I don’t know how I’m going to make it through these two events. Looking to hear from folks with similar stories .. about their love for their partner dying an unnatural death and leaving before alcohol became a “problem”. Anything will help. Thank you.
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2023.05.29 16:57 Accomplished_Tie_380 I (F21) can’t let go of my previous girlfriend (F21) even though I don’t want her anymore
Back in 2022, I met a girl who I got with and ended up loving and caring for more than I had any previous partner. I had been the first to love her in a genuine way without toxicity, and I loved her for her free spirit. She was outgoing and I knew i needed to give her the leniency to live out her full extroverted personality. This leniency would cause her to meet someone and have the chance to build a bond with them under my suspicion. I never asked her to cut off contact with this new person no matter how many times she offered after seeing how it upset me. She eventually left me for them. It’s such a confusing thing for me because the love between us was 100% there for that time we were together and I could tell when the love stopped being reciprocated. What i’m more confused about, is how it’s been 7 months of no contact and I’ve very much came to terms that I can’t deprioritize my self worth enough to ever take her back and the thought of it kind of weirds me out. But I still can’t stop thinking about her and being upset that she’s still in the relationship she left ours for. It’s genuinely driving me insane sitting here not being able to do anything without it constantly running through my mind but even if things were to change I wouldn’t want them to. What do I do? (apologies for any run on sentences or bad grammar it’s 3:23 am)
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2023.05.29 16:57 TipsReshape Why use Positive Reinforcement with kids for Child Development 1 (Tips R...
Why use Positive Reinforcement with kids for Child Development (Tips Reshape)
In this video, we explore the benefits of using positive reinforcement with kids for child development. Positive reinforcement is powerful tools that can help children develop positive behaviors and habits, while strengthening parent-child relationships. We discuss practical tips on how to use positive reinforcement effectively, including being clear and specific about rewarding behavior, choosing appropriate rewards, and gradually reducing the frequency of rewards. Join us as we explore how positive reinforcement can help children thrive and develop into confident, self-assured individuals.
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool in parenting that can help children develop positive behaviors and habits. Using positive reinforcement with kids in childhood is an effective way to encourage desirable behavior and strengthen parent-child relationships. In this article, we will explore the benefits of positive reinforcement in childhood and provide practical tips on how to use it effectively.
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