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Currently, NWBO's Sawston plant is the only visible global hub for DC VAX L manufacturing and distribution (MHRA MIA approval 3/20/23) . For $400 , FED EX (https://www.fedex.com/en-us/custom-critical.html) ships anywhere globally within the required timeframes.A SAGE (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/20363613231179541) 5/26/23 scientific publication demonstrates intent by Pakistani neurosurgeons to treat and cure their GBM patients. Looks like the DC VAX L JAMA paper and LIAU- Bosch presentations since 10/26/22 have created global awareness that DCVAX L will be is a major global cell based biotech therapy, addressing GBM , and all solid tumors( https://conferences.asco.org/am/industry-expert-theater).
With 50% of LIAU-SPORE-UCLA combo patents living 10 years, DC VAX L has turned SOC's GBM treatment from a terminal (16.5) months disease into a chronic treatable malignancy .
Dr. Greg Zivic:
"This treatment can turn a Glioblastoma into a chronic treatable disease even after recurrence of the tumor . "
https://nwbio.com/northwest-biotherapeutics-and-advent-bioservices-announce-receipt-of-license-for-commercial-manufacturing-at-sawston-u-k-facility/
https://twitter.com/AllenTurner206/status/1636426400382205952
https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=171479167
Monday, May 29, 2023 9:13:34 AM
Post# 596739 of 596755 4 Pakistani neurosurgeons endorsing the JAMA Liau dc vax l phase 3 study. Will the RA in Pakistan facilitate their patients' resected GBM tumors and lysate being sent to Sawston , with syringes of dc vax l sent back to Pakistan?
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaoncology/fullarticle/2798847
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/20363613231179541
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36591625/
IMO,BB's consultant is a "legend ", as alleged.Therefore, I recommend reading every on of his posts, word for word.
Bright Boy Brian F Egolf Sr M: Bright Boy
Re: ae kusterer post# 593171
Sunday, May 14, 2023 2:22:21 PM
Post# 593185 of 593185 I am definitely not a biotech expert and what I've learned about Northwest and DCVax-l was shared with me by one of the legends in the biotech world !!! My biggest takeaway is this:
From 2018 forward, it became apparent that DCVax-L was a breakthrough, technological process for the treatment of nGBM and rGBM, but its true potential was only known by a "handful" of experts, and as such, the understanding of the broader market implications was a relative unknown. Early on, several of the comments that I heard from BP were," The GBM market is really not that big!" and " Personalized, Immunotherapy vaccines are not really in our 'Wheelhouse'. We sell compounds/pills!!" On and on! The comments didn't mean that BP wasn't paying attention! Quite the contrary, BP was watching like a hawk as results from Dr. Liau and the UCLA trials began to leak into the medical community suggesting a broader application of DCVax-L on a "stand alone" basis and in combination with CI's for all large tumor cancers ( mentioned in the latest 10Q for future trials), thus dramatically expanding market potentials!!! But the "Big Moment" occurred in late October of last year when the STADIUM LIGHTS turned on, shining bright lights on the latest nGBM/rGBM ,Dr. Liau trial data suggesting 50%to 65% OS for 8 years with emphasis on rGBM !!! That was the point in time when BP and the entire biotech world realized that GBM/rGBM would be treated and managed as a CHRONIC DISEASE!!! with unlimited PROMISE and HOPE for patients and unlimited marketing potential to finance existing vaccine production and the continuing development for improved treatments for all diseases!!!!!
So that's what I learned and that's my story and I'm stickin to it!!!!
Cheers especially to all the Mom's and to everyone !!!
BB
Joseph H.Pratt: https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=172010930
Bright Boy Re: None Saturday, March 18, 2023 12:38:55 PM Post# of 596750 Go People, People, People !!!!
The light switch just turned on for me !!! I'm not a doctor or scientist or a STEM concentration "rock star", but if I read something over and over again several times and look carefully at the pictures SOMETIMES, NOT ALL THE TIME, a major mental breakthrough occurs and I believe that I've discovered something very profound!!
In this case, I believe the main message from the slide deck is that DCVax-L, either by itself or in combination with CI's has turned the whole thing around for treating nGBM/rGBM from having to kill the tumor to a "management process" !! It looks like now with this new information, that GBM patients can receive vaccinations as needed with "Zero" side effects and live a long and happy life !!! A comment from a medical expert that DOES KNOW !!!:
Dr. Greg Zivic:
This treatment can turn a Glioblastoma into a chronic treatable disease even after recurrence of the tumor.
So help me out here. Does the above reasoning seem logical based on the slides all of us have just reviewed?? If it does or is, then little Team Northwest has just changed the healthcare landscape forever in the way that we treat disease!!!!!
Am I way off base or are all of onto to something that is fabulous beyond belief???
Cheers,
BB
Bright Boy Re: thermopost# 591947 Tuesday, May 09, 2023 8:41:30 PM Post# of 596749 Go The UK is determined to be the world carrousel for use of immunotherapy vaccines to treat cancers and all forms of disease!!! From my friends in the UK, my use of the word "determined" grossly understates the effort behind the "Grand Plan"!!
So far, the MHRA has not only accepted and approved the MIA application (manufacturing license), but voluntarily offered the expansion to a GLOBAL MANUFACTURING" license allowing for the import of live cells and the export of vaccines to the far corners of the earth!!! People!!! That is huge!!!!! BUT as always 99.99% of the retail investors don't understand the significance of that license or anything else about the process and look to the screen to validate the importance/value of the license, where they are greeted by Citadel and Virtu and the rest of the gang that manipulate the price to new lows, confirming that, in spite of everything they just read from the greatest medical minds in the universe, is a bunch of crap!!!!
Fortunately for the cancer patients and shareholders of Northwest, the MHRA does not include in their decision making process the current SP of NWBO or the opinion of the "gutter filth" that manage those companies or any other companies that participate in the ordered destruction of small biotechs that are engaged in the development of immunotherapy vaccines!! So, it's on to the filing of the MAA (marketing license), the approval and the decisions that will guarantee swift treatment deliveries to patients!!
So Griffin and Cifu and Fuerstein and the rest can lie all they want , but the GREAT UNITED KINGDOM will not be denied the ultimate crown of being the WORLD CENTER for CANCER TREATMENT !!!!!
Cheers,
BB
Bright Boy Re: hoffmann6383post# 578889 Tuesday, March 21, 2023 1:55:12 PM Post# of 596749 Go People, People, People!!! It's your friendly "hillbilly" here with some more great news!! Don't know if I can "one up" my earlier post about the "Dog eating the license", but I'll try. So here we go!!
I don't think everyone realizes how dynamic and important the manufacturing license really is so I'll take a shot at giving you my take on it. First of all, the marketing approval (MAA) and the government subsidy approval(NICE) are pretty much in the bag before the manufacturing team gets the "green light" to proceed. The MAA and NICE teams talk to the MIA team and say," This stuff looks really cool and we wanted to let you know before you run off and do a lot of work on something that we won't approve when you're finished!!" Okay! So that's the first part.
Now for the second part and this is the part that involves a lot of money so read very carefully!!! The MIA license allows for global export of the vaccines and global import of immune cells/tumor resected material. Anyone in the entire world that is diagnosed with GBM can NOW ship their tumor samples to Northwest/Advent/Sawston to have their personal vaccine made and stored, all to be shipped back to the patient/doctor on a prescribed injection schedule. The beauty of this process is that patients everywhere can NOW receive their vaccine on a compassionate care basis. No more waiting!! No more opportunities for the "dark forces" to delay or deny suffering cancer patients their desperately needed treatments !!!
People, as of yesterday, Northwest is now IN BUSINESS !!!! AND that opens the door for institutional investors and an uplist to the New York or Nasdaq exchanges!!!!
All of the above is as good as that first sip of ice cold buttermilk on a hot summer day!!!! AND for those unfortunate shorts and haters it adds a whole new description to the letters FTD and I'll let you guess what that might be!!!
Cheers,
BB
Bright Boy Re: None Tuesday, March 21, 2023 9:05:54 PM Post# of 596749 Go The MIA allows for "International Immune Cell Imports" and "International Vaccine Exports" !!! That is big news and a big, big market and should access every cancer patient in need!!!!
Cheers,
BB
ae kusterer
Re: None
Monday, May 29, 2023 9:13:34 AM
Post# 596739 of 596755 4 Pakistani neurosurgeons endorsing the JAMA Liau dc vax l phase 3 study. Will the RA in Pakistan facilitate their patients' resected GBM tumors and lysate being sent to Sawston , with syringes of dc vax l sent back to Pakistan?
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaoncology/fullarticle/2798847
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/20363613231179541
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36591625/
Abstract Objective: To define the landscape of treatment patterns and current epidemiological data regarding gliomas in Pakistan.
Methods: As part of the Pakistan Brain Tumour Epidemiology Study (PBTES), data were collected from 32 neurosurgical centres across the country. Our retrospective study looked at patients who underwent surgical procedures for gliomas in 2019 in neurosurgical centres. The data was collated and analysed using STATA version 15.
Results: A total of 781 patients with gliomas were identified 479(61.8%) in public sector hospitals, 302(39.1%) in the private sector). The most common histopathological subtypes were glioblastoma 262 (33.5%), followed by astrocytoma 147(18.8%) and oligodendroglioma 93(11.9%). Gender distribution was skewed towards men 508(65%). Private institution hospitals performed surgical biopsies as the first surgical procedure 75(23%) more often than public hospitals 38(9%). Chemotherapy was given to 115(29.8%) patients, and there was no data regarding 467(53%) of patients. Similarly, only 202(43.9%) patients received radiation therapy, and there was no data for 469(60%) of patients. For high-grade gliomas specifically, only 95(31.8%) patients with HGG have a record of receiving radiation therapy, and only 57(18.9%) had a record of being started on chemotherapy.
DCvax: A promising advancement in oncology for the treatment of glioblastoma Areeba Fareed https://orcid.org/0000-0001-5906-9852 [email protected], Samia Rohail https://orcid.org/0000-0003-1488-0080, […], and Abdul Moiz Khan https://orcid.org/0000-0001-9796-8867+1View all authors and affiliations All Articles https://doi.org/10.1177/20363613231179541
Contents Declaration of conflicting interests Funding ORCID iDs Footnotes References PDF / ePub More Dear Editor, Glioblastoma is a malignant neoplasm of the central nervous system that arises from glial cells, primarily astrocyctes and is characterized by poorly differentiated, fusiform, round or pleomorphic astrocyctic cells with marked nuclear atypical and brisk mitotic activity.1 Despite advances in early diagnosis and comprehensive treatments, there is nearly 100% recurrence rate and dismal patient survival.2 According to researchers, more than 13,000 Americans are diagnosed with Glioblastoma annually, causing significant morbidity and mortality. There has been no cure for Glioblastoma so far.3 Treatment options often include surgical removal of the tumor followed by concomitant radiation and adjuvant temozolomide TMZ chemotherapy which has been the standard of care for glioblastoma since decades, but exposure to high doses of ionizing radiation is a well-known exogenous risk factor for glioblastoma. The inability to cross the BBB is the major obstacle in achieving remission after surgical resection followed by chemotherapy and radiation.4 As a result, glioblastoma typically recurs within six to 8 months and the survival rate is generally less than 5%.2 Despite the development of novel, complex, multidisciplinary, and targeted therapies the outcome for patients remains almost universally lethal.5 Therefore, the need for effective treatment is undeniable. For this reason, it has been a priority area in cancer research. Recently, US biotech company Northwest Biotherapeutics has developed a brain cancer vaccine, called DCVax, which is designed to help patients' immune system to target their tumors that may prolong their life by months or, in some cases, years.5 Thus, opening a door for the development of innovative therapy for targeting glioblastoma. The vaccine is created for each patient individually by isolating dendritic cells, from their blood which is then primed with biomarkers from a sample of the patient’s tumor.6 Dendritic cells present tumor antigens to the immune system, prime T cells, and mobilize antitumor responses.6 To evaluate the safety of the vaccine and its impact on survival time in patients with Glioblastoma, a phase 3 randomized control trial was conducted.7 In this trial, 348 patients newly diagnosed with Glioblastoma were tested at King’s College Hospital and other centers around the world for 8 years.7 Patients had surgery to remove their tumors as much as possible, followed by radiation and chemotherapy as the standard treatment for Glioblastoma.7 Among these patients, two out of three were treated with the vaccine, DCVax-L, with the remaining one-third receiving a placebo.7 The astonishing result of the trial has shown that newly diagnosed patients who received the vaccine survived for 19.3 months compared to 16.5 months for those who received a placebo.8 Overall 13% of all trial participants treated with DCVax lived more than 5 years after diagnosis compared with 5.7% in the comparison group who did so.8 Moreover, this is the first time in 17 years that such a significant result has been achieved in a Phase 3 trial of a systemic treatment for newly diagnosed Glioblastoma, and it’s the first treatment in 27 years for patients with GBM recurrence.9 Thus, this development represents a major step forward in our efforts to combat this devastating disease. Based on the findings of the trials evaluating the drug’s efficacy, it has the potential to improve the quality of life for patients, especially for the elderly and those unable to have surgery. A global clinical trial has concluded that the DCVax is the world’s first vaccine to treat deadly cancerous brain tumors that could help patients to live for years.9 This breakthrough could benefit 2500 people a year in the UK being diagnosed with Glioblastoma.9 It has also been shown that this therapy can be used to treat cancers other than Glioblastoma.9 However, due to high recurrence rate and lethal outcomes, the treatment of gliblastoma has seen significant transformation, switching from an aggressive surgical strategy to a more cautious one. The endorsement of the vaccine is a commendable achievement, and it demonstrates the unwavering commitment of researchers and healthcare professionals to discovering effective treatments for such lethal disease. Furthermore, vaccine may enhance the quality of life of a patient and provides a new hope for patients and their families Thus, it is crucial that we continue to support research into Glioblastoma and the development of novel treatments so that we can envision a future where this disease is eradicated. Declaration of conflicting interests The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article. Funding The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article. ORCID iDs Areeba Fareed https://orcid.org/0000-0001-5906-9852 Samia Rohail https://orcid.org/0000-0003-1488-0080 Alishba Adnan https://orcid.org/0000-0003-1238-6687 Abdul Moiz Khan https://orcid.org/0000-0001-9796-8867 Footnotes Author’s noteNot commissioned, externally peer reviewed. ContributorshipAreeba Fareed and Samia Rohail wrote the draft. Alishba Adnan and Abdul Moiz Khan proofread it. All authors reviewed and edited the manuscript and approved the final version of the manuscript. Data availabilityNo new dataset generated. References 1. Aans.org. Available from: https://www.aans.org/Patients/Neurosurgical-Conditions-and-Treatments/Glioblastoma-Multiforme%5d (cited 9 April 2023). GO TO REFERENCE Google Scholar 2. Liau LM, Ashkan K, Brem S, et al. Association of autologous tumor lysate-loaded dendritic cell vaccination with extension of survival among patients with newly diagnosed and recurrent glioblastoma: a phase 3 prospective externally controlled cohort trial: a phase 3 prospective externally controlled cohort trial. JAMA Oncol 2023; 9(1): 112–121. Available from: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaoncology/fullarticle/2798847 (cited 9 April 2023).
PubMed Google Scholar 3. Pelc C. Experimental cancer vaccine both treats and prevents brain cancer in mice [Internet]. East Sussex, UK: Medical News Today, 2023. Available from: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/experimental-cancer-vaccine-both-treats-and-prevents-brain-cancer-in-mice (cited 9 April 2023). GO TO REFERENCE Google Scholar 4. Rong L, Li N, Zhang Z. Emerging therapies for glioblastoma: current state and future directions. J Exp Clin Cancer Res 2022; 41(1): 142. (cited 9 April 2023). GO TO REFERENCE Crossref PubMed Google Scholar 5. Aldape K, Brindle KM, Chesler L, et al. Challenges to curing primary brain tumours. Nat Rev Clin Oncol 2019; 16(8): 509–520. Available from: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41571-019-0177-5 (cited 9 April 2023).
Crossref PubMed Google Scholar 6. Technology Networks. Brain cancer vaccine shown to extend patient survival [Internet]. Sudbury, UK: Technology Networks, 2022. Available from: https://www.technologynetworks.com/vaccines/news/brain-cancer-vaccine-shown-to-extend-patient-survival-367721 (cited 9 April 2023).
Google Scholar 7. Clinicaltrials.gov. Study of a drug [DCVax®-L] to treat newly diagnosed GBM brain cancer - full text view - Clinicaltrials.gov [internet]. Bethesda, MD: Clinicaltrials.gov, 2023. Available from: https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00045968 (cited 9 April 2023).
Google Scholar 8. Campbell D. Vaccine shown to prolong life of patients with aggressive brain cancer. London, UK: The guardian [Internet], 2022. Available from: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/nov/17/vaccine-shown-to-prolong-life-patients-aggressive-brain-cancer-trial-glioblastoma (cited 9 April 2023).
Google Scholar 9. Delgado-Martín B, Medina MÁ. Advances in the knowledge of the molecular biology of glioblastoma and its impact in patient diagnosis, stratification, and treatment. Adv Sci 2020; 7(9): 1902971.
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Hello, I just sat down reading the masterdoc and learning about comphet and I got some questions for those of you who have experienced it, if it sounds like I am lesbian.
So I feel like I can relate to some points in the lesbian masterdoc:

1. Having many celebrity crushes- I was home from school a lot because of mental issues, so I spent alot of time watching TV/movies instead of being around real guys.
2. I have commitment issues and dread marriage. But that can also be because my parents have a terrible marriage (I grew up with alot of arguments and no love between them)
3. Going through memories trying to prove my attraction to men
4. When I was a teenager I was terrified to get a bf. (I had an eating disorder and social anxiety and didn’t feel like I was good enough or that a relationship could work in that state, so I felt very uncomfiable being flirted with. But I liked guys from a far.)
5. I never really thought about guys sexually until I got 19? I mostly fantasized about lesbian porn from age 16, because I had already tried that a kid so I knew it felt good being touched and stuff so I could more relate to that I guess? And straight porn looked terrifying because of how the woman was treated. Although I liked heterosexual written erotica.
6. I got anxiety thinking about sex with men being touched by men before age 19. But I don’t know if it was because of being touched by my dad occationally sexually.. (started as a kid) On the otherhand I fantasized about kissing, making out and doing stuff with men/ waking up with them and get married which made me feel excited, happy and gave me a yearning feeling for guys.
7. I rarely have crushes on real guys. But it happens.
8. I have been turned on by men either during sex or porn or sexting.
9. I don’t think I have had a crush on a woman. Maybe at age 8? I am not sure. But other than that never.
10. I thought for a period I was a heteroromantic homosexual. But then I started to get horny for some guys.
11. I had genuine romantic feelings for guys.
12. I don’t really see the appeal for women at university, work or when I am out. It is rare that I find a woman even attractive. I maybe find 5/1000 sexually attractive . Same seeing most women in bikinis/lingeri am I supposed to feel something? -Another fact I don’t know if my lesbian porn fantasies is because of early expose to it. I had some female friends who did sexually stuff to me at age 5 and it kept going for some years. It felt nice when my clit got stimulated but I wasn’t attracted to her and didn’t want to kiss her. If you have questions ask away.

I know I do think BWBA wasn’t all too that great, I would’ve been very interested to see Thomas traveling around The United States of America had the show continued but I have many predictions on how that will be executed had Thomas never got the axe to make way for ugh…. All Engines Go.
So it could first start within Season 26, it might could switch around with Thomas working in San Francisco just like in the BWBA movie to working in the Grand Canyon with Beau. He is likely also going to visit New York City, it’s a possible guarantee.
Also of course Sam will get reintroduced into an episode for the first time, but since Thomas doesn’t seem to know him unlike in the Short from 2015, it’ll simply be his first time really getting to know about him besides his brief cameo.
Natalie, that diesel shunteswitcher from the movie, will appear of course.
Dustin is likely but also unlikely to appear that is if the crew productions remembers him but he has an official render on his WR set as rumored so it’s a 50/50 chance that is if get a snow based episode.
Oh and course let’s not forget Vinnie, he would definitely appear no questions asked perhaps as an antagonist and an episode about Vinnie trying to warrant revenge on Thomas after The Great Railway Show Fiasco but of course, near the end of the episode knowing a Thomas episode, gets his well deserved comeuppance by crashing again, then he is told off by his controller (if he/she ever appears; most likely going to be a she due to show’s push of gender diversity during the time) punished and vows to get his revenge on Thomas again someday. Or it could end with an ending similar to Apology Impossible but with Vinnie ‘unwillingly’ apologizing for his actions and with that, all is forgiven, everyone’s happy, the end!
For the episodes, there’s definitely going to be a Fourth of July centered episode with a few callback references to Thomas, James & The Fireworks Display from Season 8. There might could be a Thanksgiving episode where it’s just typically Thomas (or some other character) learning about the value of being thankful for his friends. Typical Thomas episode.
Another big prediction I have which might could either be a special similar to The Royal Engine or just a regular special episode is Thomas meeting The President of The United States. However considering we have very little clue as to what year the show takes place in (it’s presumed the 60’s) I have no idea which President will be introduced.
(Even though it would break a lot of the years continuity but It WOULD’VE been funny as hell to imagine that Thomas has canonically met Donald Trump or Joe Biden, or hell even Barack Obama)
For the new characters, though they won’t be exactly special in character, we could simply get a regular Baldwin 4-6-2 who is likely going be a female character, and a diesel character whose going to be based on the EMD E8 diesels. We may could also get a caboose character (Not the one from AEG) but the caboose could be like an American Toad or something.
Though it’s a likely or not so likely possibility, we could get characters who are based on real life engines such as Daylight 4479, Norfolk 611, and of course 4014 Big Boy since it was restored in 2019, it could be a similar case scenario to how Flying Scotsman was reintroduced during the same year the real life one was restored. It’s very possible for the Big Boy to show up!
I can imagine a lot of recolors of the American based designed characters of the show such as Rosie, Porter, Connor, Philip including nobody characters such as Carlos, Gustavo, & Noor Jehan.

RIP Tina Turner. I was hearing this song played a couple of time the past few days on the SiruisXM Tina tribute channel and I thought it has a good R&B/Soul vibe and it was in the Bond movie from the 90s with Pierce as James Bond. I wonder if the song would be good if Sofia betrays Rafe in S4 or S5 because the song does have the POV of a female
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_Aq5rQdPso
See reflections on the water More than darkness in the depths See him surface in every shadow On the wind, I feel his breath
Goldeneye, I found his weakness Goldeneye, he'll do what I please Goldeneye, no time for sweetness But a bitter kiss will bring him to his knees
You'll never know how I watched you from the shadows as a child You'll never know how it feels to be the one who's left behind You'll never know the days and the nights The tears, the tears I've cried But now my time has come And time, time is not on your side
See him move through smoke and mirrors Feel his presence in the crowd Other girls they gather around him If I had him, I wouldn't let him out
Goldeneye, not lace or leather Golden chain, take him to the spot Goldeneye, I'll show him forever It'll take forever to see what I've got
You'll never know how I watched you from the shadows as a child You'll never know how it feels to get so close and be denied It's a gold and honey trap I've got for you tonight Revenge is a kiss this time I won't miss Now I've got you in my sight
With a goldeneye Golden, goldeneye With a goldeneye Goldeneye Goldeneye Goldeneye Goldeneye

(SPOILERS)
Growing up with the sam raimi Trilogy of Spiderman, i have liked tobey maguire always but i guess it's only because of the nostalgia factor. But, having seen Andrew in my teens and the Tasm movies even now a few times, i just can't help but express my love for him
1) He's tall and slender. Exactly how i think Spiderman is supposed to be. Both Tobey and Tom are short.. no offense though i think both are cool as well
2) Spiderman's supposed to be somewhere in the middle of a teenager and an adult, right ? Tobey Maguire feels way too grown up and Tom feels way too much like a kid. Andrew fits right in between.
3) The cgi. Ok, i don't think i even need to talk about this. The CGI and VFX work done in both the Tasm movies feel fresh even after all these years.
4) The chemistry between Gwen and Peter in the Tasm movies- Absolutely of the charts. One of my favourite scenes in Tasm 1 is where Peter goes skateboarding after Gwen shoes interest in him. It so perfectly captures that cheesy teenage love vibes we all know and are familiar with. I feel like cinema is made of such smaller, minute but heart touching moments.
5) Andrew's acting- Man, when Gwen dies in the second movie and Andrew is breaking down.. it looks so authentic.
Bloody hell, i love Andrew's Spiderman so much and would give everything to see a 3rd better Tasm movie.

This dream started out with me cleaning my science teachers room before finding my old 3DS which still had luigis mansion in it. I decided to play with it and was in front of a mansion. Suddenly 3 gohst appeared and I used the poltergust to suck them up, which made the gohst drop 2 gems, I picked both up but when I picked up the one closest to the mansion I was suddenly clipped inside. This allowed me to open the doors from the inside. The inside of the mansion had a hallway with several vases that I decided to mess around to see if I could find another gem.
However that was cut short as my dream switched to the amazing world of gumball episode where Darwin tries to get back to Elmore. Except the way he does Is wierd, he steals a motorcycle and rides from town to town trying to get back to Elmore. He was a really bad driver however as he kept crashing into stuff. He eventually finds his way into some sorta chicken restaurant and since he doesn't have any money he just Decides to steal it, which makes all the customers angry. However the cops show up and Darwin decides to flee. However the bike is split in half and he has to improvise by using it as a bicycle which was followed up by the fact that those weren't cops but teen vigilantes trying to get famous. They're car was so slow that Darwin had time to jump into the trunk of another car and fled.
Eventually though Darwin made it to my school, which had alot of spiderman movie posters for some reason, in which he sat down on a bench. My math teacher than came up to Darwin and told him he had detention. He thought it was because of his crimes but when another teacher asked it was because he cheated on a test. As they were walking to class Darwin notices that there was a clone of my math teachers and they were talking about exploiting kids for drugs at school in which all the other teachers agreed. Darwin and all the other students stopped and then started screaming and running away. I remember Darwin saying "Nigerundayo Smokey!" As he was running away which actually made a few kids laugh. Darwin ran in the opposite direction of all the other students which was actually the right direction because there was a closer exit. Soon more kids started to gather around Darwin as they made their escape.
Once they escaped it cut to Legend of Zelda Tears of the kingdom game play were it showed off a detail about how grass acts on the character Whis from Dragon Ball Super who wasn't in the game. That is where my dream ended.

People say this movie is very hard to watch. That turned out to be true, with found footage-level shaky cameras all over the place and an annoying French guy shouting all the time.
The movie is told in Memento style, with scenes going backwards revealing more of the story. While in Memento it serves a plot purpose and helps you connect with the protagonist, what it achieves here is that you’re watching “high-intensity” scenes without feeling involved at all (although as we find out, the more you learn about the characters the less you care). The movie starts with two French guys yelling and fighting and it goes on for a good first half of the movie, you pick up the story along the way cause it’s pretty simple but it really feels like an effort.
I almost stopped watching but decided to endure at least until the infamous Belucci rape scene for culture’s sake. The scene was actually a relief because that annoying French guy wasn’t there and the scene was relatively coherent. But I’ll get to it soon. To sum up, the movie tells a story about a girl who got raped and her boyfriend and simpy ex getting revenge on the rapist, and failing.
Now the rape scene. I know it upset many viewers and is supposed to be really shocking, but think what’s more shocking about it doesn’t come from the fact you’re watching a 10 min rape scene (it’s not that graphic), but that it takes Monica Belucci, who is considered some untouchable beauty, and you see her getting anally raped by a guy who seriously hates her existence. Even though her rape wasn’t planned, she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, the guy is absolutely disgusted by her. It’s not one of those “she’s so hot I can’t help myself” rapes, the guy sees her as a rich bitch used to getting what she wants cause she’s hot, and he hate-rapes her, calling her a sow and similar names in the process.
This is also the first we see of her character so you can’t really care for her either. But what really comes through is how much the rapist can’t stand her. When he’s done raping her, he bashes her face in.
To me that was the most interesting part about the scene, not the fact that she got raped or how disturbing it is to watch a rape, but the amount of honest hatred and disgust the guy had for her. It’s kind of ironic, he’s the fucked up rapist and she’s Monica Belucci but he is utterly disgusted by her in the process.
Then the movie goes back and we learn more about her and the two main guys… and it doesn’t make anyone any more likeable.
I usually hate it when people criticize movies and shows for not having likeable characters - it’s very childish. But I am not talking about morality here, I am talking about how enjoyable, interesting or immersive someone is to watch, and here some very shitty people can make great characters. Also, not every movie needs likeable characters, sometimes that’s the whole point. But normally, a revenge movie would require the viewer to give at least moderate shit about the characters, feel the importance of their relationship and loss, and want them to get justice (e.g. Mandy). This one doesn’t.
The protagonist is supposed to be some French Chad, the obnoxious guy whom you watch as he does drugs, cheats on his girlfriend, takes her money and just shouts shit out like he has Tourettes all the fucking time. He also stole the girl from his super simpy friend whom he still keeps around to boost his ego, so shit friend too. Normally when someone executes revenge, the viewer should believe how much the victim meant to them but we just saw this guy cheating so the stakes aren’t that high, he isn’t convincing in his need for revenge, it’s not deep. And in general, he’s so fucking annoying.
Then there’s the simpy friend, the most pathetic character, also incredibly annoying in his own way. It’s hard to understand why he’s even involved in the whole plot but he’s just so obsessed with his ex-girlfriend. He idolizes her cause she’s pretty (kind of connects to the point the rapist made about her being over-valued cause of her looks), trying to get her boyfriend to treat her with more respect while she literally tells him that she prefers the other guy cause he doesn’t care about how she feels. He constantly self-deprecates while they laugh at him. Just a totally weird masochistic relationship dynamic.
The girl is a vapid “I love assholes” stereotype, we learn that she left her ex for his best friend because she likes how the other guy only focuses on his own pleasure while having sex, but still keeps the ex around awkwardly, occasionally throwing him a bone. She knows that her boyfriend cheats on her and flirts with others in front of her but is thrilled to find out that he knocked her up. After learning that fact, she goes on to party.
I think it’s interesting how the movie establishes that she likes to be treated like shit and is turned on by the guy who doesn’t care about her pleasure. There was even a scene when they talked about anal and it seems like she was up for it. So in that context, is the rape scene supposed to say this is what she wanted when taken to the extreme?
The viewer also realizes that the two guys ended up getting the wrong guy, the rapist got away with it. I wish it made me go oh fuck, but since the protagonist was so extremely unlikable, I didn’t really give a shit.
I think the rape scene works in a figurative sense, considering the pedestal people like the simp friend put girls like Alex on, this was intended to be some kind of sick enjoyment for the viewer? Not sure.
Overall, I don’t really get the point of the movie or what effect did the director intend for it to have on the viewer.

It seems weird to bootlick an industry that never helped you grow then you shun your audience by making it cinema only. Bert himself has said many times that the only reason he makes money now is due to the success of his podcast. He went independent and made fans on his own but why would he change that for this movie? Why didn’t he just bankroll it himself cheaper and just stream it only for 20 plus bucks or something. I don’t know why they want to go into such a dying field.

-Superhero movies/MCU become ubiquitous with the release of The Avengers
-Minimalism in tech design via Windows 8 and iOS 7
-Start of the current polarization
-Start of the disco revival with Bruno Mars, also Daft Punk and Pharrell's song Get Lucky
-Vaporwave/synthwave become popular which leads to the "all nostalgia all the time" phase of our culture
-Chief Keef popularizes mumble rap/trap with the release of Sosa
-Smartphones outsell brick/flip phones
-"EDM" starts to replace "Electropop" as the buzzword for popular electronic music
-Mayans predict the world ended (people joke "Maybe they were right" due to the culture stagnating after that)
-Vine released (which would pave the way for TikTok)
-Instagram/Snapchat become popular
-Google integrates Google Plus with YouTube accounts which arguably made YouTube feel more corporate
Pop culture has basically been giving us endless iterations of 2012-2013 since those years ended, just with a few tweaks. Maybe by 2025 we'll have moved out of the shadow of 2012-2013, but I'm not sure.

Hi – I am looking for a cute girl that will be my submissive, serve me sexually, chat with me off and on during the day, and maybe watch movies & tv shows with me a couple nights per week. If we live nearby each other, and are a great fit, I’m open to it becoming more.
I’m middle-aged, but most say I look much younger. I have my life together and am stable. I live alone and work from home. I’m a bit of a homebody, but I do like the company of a sweet, submissive girl. I’m in CST time zone. I have been dominant most my adult life and am not just pretending to be kinky to get laid.
If interested, please message me with the following: -age -appearance -time zone -an idea of what you are like as a submissive -what kinds of movies and shows you enjoy

Life is a journey with it's ups and downs. Sometimes there are more downs than ups. I am looking for someone to accompany me on this journey through life.
I am on a journey every day of self improvement and growth. I am continually working on my communication skills, bringing down walls, and trusting people again. It is a bitter pill when you are desperately lonely and at the same time have a hard time opening up to people.
Please read the whole post before responding. Please include your name, age, and location in your response.
A few things about me:
I'm a homebody. I crochet, play video games, read, enjoy cooking, road trips, listening to music, hanging out with my two dogs. Simple things, really. I don't really watch TV or movies, YouTube, or use streaming services.
Video games: Dragon Age, Skyrim, Diablo III, and the Persona series. Sometimes Stardew Valley.
Books: murder mysteries in the vein of Agatha Christie, high fantasy
Music: Nightwish, Kamelot, Cain's Offering, Cyhra
I'm a liberal. I believe in protecting women's rights, LGBTQ+ rights, BLM, things like that. I am political enough to vote for what I believe in, but that's about it. I'm on the fence about having kids. I'm agnostic. I have tattoos and a few piercings. I'm an INFJ, if that matters. I am monogamous. I will not be 'the other woman'. I do not want to be an affair partner.
I am 5'9" and curvy. I am looking to get in better physical shape as well as mental.
What I am looking for:
Respect, honesty, trustworthiness, loyalty, compassion, empathy, kindness, ambition, good communication skills, empathy and patience. I want someone I can come home to eventually. Someone I can love and loves me. Someone that will support me and I can support. I'm talking about emotional support here.
Please be 27 to 37 years old
Please be open to sharing pictures, voice, and video calls in the future.
I want a friendship first that will blossom into something more. Relationships require more than love, they require effort. Please be willing to put in the effort.

Hello again!
Actually my head hurts and my back hurts too. Maybe even my heart. I wrote this essay for 2 days straight. It is of better quality than my previous pieces, both in content and style. It's also the longest so I felt an obligation to deliver it as interesting as possible. Extensive essays are pretty tendious, I'm aware but I think I created an insightful and stimulating analysis for a character that doesn't get the attention he deserves. This is not just a hollow phrase, as I claim this essay uncovers unheard of depths of Gorou Amamiya respectively Aqua Hoshino.
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Preamble
In the past we discussed Ruby's genius during her Audition with Frill and Akane. To sum it up: She's acting her whole life as the innocent and pure idol girl Ruby Hoshino but what fuels the encryption of her true self is her traumatized core identity as Sarina which she hides through acting.
Since this identity was passed down to her new life, her trauma was likewise passed down as well and as a result it predispositions her new life's psyche. After the loss of Ai and Gorou she yet again finds herself trapped in a repetitive cycle of her previous trauma of parental abandonment. That's why in her deep reflection during the audition she would overlap Sarina's and Ruby's psychograms seamlessly. It's the same all over again.
We discussed yesterday Gorou as Ruby's father figure while evidently Ai had a function as a mother figure to her (to Sarina actually) - or to be more precise the loss of both as surrogate parential figures associated as dear to her heart people triggered Sarina's trauma of an abandoned child through Ruby again. This in short is the nature of her repetitive traumatic cycle. Sarina-Ruby is acting a smile in both lifes while nobody seems to notice the ugly feelings deep inside her. Even when she had a reverse act coming out at the audition, Frill and Akane wouldn't conceive that these feelings weren't part of her auditional act but actually the naked truth.
However the point of this essay is not to talk about Ruby - although she will certainly be useful - but this time to explore to which extent the predisposition from the past life and the traumatic repetitive cycles are as principles applicable to Aqua in order to gain access into the very dephts of his soul. This will allow us to methodically understand the true nature behind his lately menacing character plot. I swear it's the first time you hear these takes.
In the long run this essay will also substantiate my analysis of Ruby, because if this is applicable to Aqua too then it's fair to say that we uncovered a symmetrical primary structure the Author intended to construct for these twins. (Mirror) Symmetrrial relations are indeed indicated between them on a lot of levels, some essays on this sub discuss that exhaustively.
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So, we established Sarina's traumatic identity to be a predispositional factor for Ruby, vice versa we now have to establish the same for Aqua. It'd be misleading to ignore Gorou's core identity if we want to grasp Aqua's actions - or perhaps even his acting? Aqua too is stuck in a repetitive cycle triggered from his past life's supressed trauma. We will in this essay explore the depths of it like never done before. Eventually we gain a completely different understanding of revenge that actually haunts him more than it does Kamiki.
You kow, the other day I read an essay where the OP would refuse to call Aqua Aqua anymore and instead refers to him now as "Aquamarine" because he/she is apparently mad at his current behaviour. This to me is kinda funny but also instructive because it goes to show a fundamental misunderstanding of his character, which I believe is shared by many people. Be mad at Gorou Amamiya - if you dare - because this would actually be engaging.
However, we will see that he is like Ruby stuck in another repetitive cycle of trauma and the purpose of this essay is to raise awareness while not to excuse him blatantly but to point to the tragic and dramatic nature of his mind and soul. Because at this point it's safe to say that what we currently see is literally what we get. Aqua will not become visibly handsome any time soon. Better aknowledge and comprehend his actions now and save yourself later from phony bitterness, anger and other unreflected undermining reactions. Instead that be bitter and angry with compassion. Because if you don't appreciate his struggle you won't fully grasp the Cathasis that follows, which - under the impression that Aka is cooking some really good stuff - would be a shame. Finally I'm strongly hoping that this essay might enhance some people's future chapter reading experience.
Without further edo lets dive into it.
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Gorou Amamiya
Gorou's core determining trauma is not that easy to grasp on and that's mainly because his cope is vague while his upfront personality apppears mature and he as an individual is also highly functional, both as Gorou and Aqua. He appears to us as a well adjusted middle aged man: He went to the Medical University in Tokyo, dated women sucessfully and eventually became a Doctor and kinda just knows how to handle stuff. He is also a walking encyclopaedia, so feel free to ask him anything!
On the contrary site: Gorou seems to be a loner, an Otaku in denial who lives quite isolated in Japan's rural backwaters. After his study years in Tokyo he moved back to his hometown. We don't know the exact reason why he voluntarily choose this kind of isolation, probably to take care of his grandmother. When he came back to the hospitel as Aqua he referred to his coworkers as "colleagues I was close to" which implies a certain distance and a lack of other related people in the town like for instance actual friends that he would want to meet. After he learned that nobody of his past colleugues work there anymore the "social question" of his past life fizzled out.
The rural working place granted him a lot of free time at the hospital, So he met his emotionally undemanding social life with escapism into Idol-Culture respectively Ai Hoshino. And surely this "quirk" is the first indication that this man doesn't just maintain an introverted but healthy Work-Life-Balance as a doctor but actually tries to cure away some void: A normal man just doesn't scream joyful in a patient's room like a fanatic over an Idol show. This beginning scene doesn't just serves as a quirky comic relief but sets a fundamental tone to his character. A little later the coworking woman in EP 1 wouldn't quite believe his copium about a shared memory with Sarina as the reason for his idolization of Ai. And since he didn't gave her a clear answer if he would or wouldn't date Ai he at the same time disclosed a personal obsession as to be part of his allegedly idealistic and pure motives. We will get back to their conversation later, as we will find out that Gorou was actually honest and righteouss about his claims.
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I know, I know. Still haven't mentioned the elephant in the room:
His dead mother.
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What is Guilt?
When for Ruby the reoccuring event of her traumatic cycle is parental abandonment then for Gorou it is the feeling of guilt "for being born at the expense of his mother" (C75). In other words to feel responsible for her death.
Gorou lost his mother during his birth but he eventually got adopted by his Grandmother who took the role as his mother figure. The fact that he was actually raised by family laid the foundation for a some what functional personality. In fact he for his personal development received maternal love from his grandmother, thus the trauma which he recycled over Ai's death is fundamentally different from Ruby's.
But at the same time... it isn't different at all. Here is the why:
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What is Love?
We found out in the essay about Gorou as Ruby's father-figure that she'd eventually develope a romantic love interest for her father-figure due to the stagnation of her psychological development as part of her inherited "curse" through reincarnation with her trauma. While Ruby's body would mature and develope, likewise Ichigo as a father-surrogat is not present in her life, Sarina's soul would still be bounded to a confused relationship she development during her hospitalization. Sarina's love for Gorou was a childish inmature expression in a phase where the father is the only male person of interest in a young girl's life. But the anxiety to lose a dear father like figure again after she was abandoned by her biological father would also urge her to express a childish romantic interest for her Doctor. If he marries her he can never leave her again. A differentiation and overcoming of this developmental phase didn't happen for Ruby because the memory of Gorou would force herself in a obsessive spiral until she confused herself to desire actual romantic love from him, her father-figure. The playful jokes about marriage when Sarina becomes 16 have turned to a personal life goal of Ruby. When she found out about his death it triggered the trauma of parental abondenment and unleashed all her self-destructive feelings. A death wish that already was present during her life as Sarina and after Ai's death but had been intercepted by Miyako as a new mother and also through the hope and longing for Gorou's acceptance of her - both as Sarina and Ruby, but moreso in Ruby because this confused desire found a fleshed out embodiment in a sexually developed girl's body.
Well and Gorous obsession over the Idol Ai isn't that far off from this. Because what Gorou actually seeks from Ai is unconditional love. The kind of love that isn't just receivable by a surrogate mother but the very personal love that only a biological mother can give to her child in the very early infant stage. In Ai's eyes he would feel a kind of dangerous tease of this deeply hidden desire and while he never actually understood the reason of this longing or even that it's related to a surpressed trauma over his dead mother, he do felt mystically pulled into Ai's realm and felt a glimpse of hope for unconditional "Ai" (Ai when written in Kanji means Love) through her idolization.
But keep in mind that he is a full grown man. He already experienced a mostly sufficient mother figure in his life - the Grandmother. Of course he would never realize what the cause for his troublesome obsession over this teenage girl Ai Hoshino really is about. He eventually developes just as Ruby for Gorou a confusing sexual interest for the "unconditionally loving mother" that he projects onto Ai. Likewise Ruby developed a sexual interest for her idolized father figure Gorou.
Interestlingly enough the chat with his coworker on the roof about Ai fully displayed his confusion. In this scene she was a bit like a therapist, while he would reveal his trauma to her. The irony of course is that neither he nor her realize it: On the one hand he indeed seeks pure and idealistic form of "Ai", unconditional love of a mother for her childt. At the same time it's distorted by his sexual maturity which would try to find fullfillment through romantic and sexual "ressources".
The romantic fantasy is an impuls of the conflicted adult body that carries an infant's hidden wish. An unfulfilled infant lives deep inside of Gorous heart as a surpressed trauma over his mother's death who couldn't give him the most exclusive form of maternal love.
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The Selfish Love
We found the inverted similarity between Ruby's attachment to Gorou and Aqua's attachment to Ai. But it's worth to point out that in relation to Ai - and what I mean by that the quality of the relation Aqua -> Ai vs. Ruby -> Ai - there is a crucial difference in the form of love they want from her and it is mainly rooted in the different developmental phases they both are "stuck" in terms of the form of desired maternity.
Ruby's longing for a mother is transferable. Since she probably received the kind of unconditional love of an infant herself but was only abandoned at a later age when she became sick, Sarina could compensate it with Ai's love and even Miyako's after Ai's death. Ruby was kinda temporarly stabilized since she believed in meeting her idolized father again. It's not like Ai's death hasn't affected her but she is in her longing for maternal love actually more mature than Gorou. I will explain later how. Ai is for Ruby from this point of view "interchangable" just like Marina. But it is a yet to observe in the coming chapters how and when Sarina will "release herself and her mother from the expectation that a mother should love her child" (C119) but to me it seems like Sarina has a solid foundation to overcome this issue through her movie role of Ai.
But what about the kind of love Gorou craves for? Well for once we know that he doesn't seek something transferable because in fact a transfer that could cover the kind of maternal Love Ruby seeks he already received from his Grandmother. He wants the pure, innocent and idealistic love of a mother for his infant, for him it can only be re-created and satisfied in the impossible yet odd realm of supernaturality, A reincarnation as an actual infant with intact memories of his past life in the hands of an actual loving mother. This is the only but also the absolute solution to meet the innocent and pure minded wish of the traumatized infant crying in Gorous heart.
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"When I woke up, I was in heaven [....] for now, I just want to live this baby life to it's fullest"(Chapter 1)

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A normal well adjusted adult would perceive this situation as a nightmare. Being a baby stands in the heaviest contrast to the inherited soul of an adult. "I am a f'cking grown man, goddamit. Why am I a baby? I'm right now the most vulnerable, dependend and defenseless being, this situation absolutely opposes my proven and experienced self identity as a grown up" This is what a normal adult would think and he would hate this unintelligible situation he found himself randomly in. It's basically a curse. Also he would want to go back to his family, friends etc. Gorou on the other hand is a loner and suffers a tragic supressed trauma. So now we beginn to see how all the hings come together. Such a joyful and innocent scene as presented in the Manga has a dark meaning behind it.
To embrace the role of a cute liltte baby with the same joy and happiness it implies an actual desire to do so. To assert that this is yet another casual comic relief scene just to start his interesting journey as a MC misses the point. The plot started when he fanatically cheered up his Idol over the TV of a patients room.
Likewise here and there his personal desire in Ai and "Ai" would blend out the surounding world. Aqua ignores the premise of his reincarnation that he was murdered by Ai's stalker, because he wants to stimulate his deeply supressed desire. Gorou ignores the patient's needed rest when Ai is on TV, because he wants to stimulate the same desire. In relation to Ai Gorou is selfish right from the start. It's a very inmature selfish love towards her as an Idol and a mother, in fact this form of love is the most inmature and selfish love imaginable because it's born from the tragically denied desire of the most vulnerable and inmature human form: The Infant. In fact, that he as a doctor couldn't supresse his selfish will to disturb a resting patient was a pivotal moment to prelude the great lengths this desire would go to experience stimulation. His behaviour as Ai's baby is a derivation and the purest and most innocent enbodiment. Because this time it's materialized in the body of an actual infant. Gorou has become the human flesh of the traumatically supressed infant's desire living in his heart.
Gorou at this point is absolutely unwilling to give up the situation he found himself in. The infant has completely taken over the adult's mind. At one point he would even thank the culprit and ompletely misjudge the actual situation they are in. This - for such a reasonable and smart but apparently selfless man like Gorou - is astonishing to say the least. In relation of it's meaning in terms of trauma and hidden desire it's comprehensible.
The infant's longing is the most fragile form of love imaginable. If it misses it's chance it's all over again. It only came into life through an absolutely impossible miracle. This selfish little desire, for a long time well hidden as a surpressed trauma, feed by escapism in Idol-Culture, will do anything to blockade interferring reason. The reasonable adult Gorou is completely cut off.
The adult Gorou who's identity as an dedicated professional who is willing to go to great lengths to support his patients while rolling back his personal gain. The adult Gorou that for once let his selfish wish take advantage. This adult Gorou will end with the corpse of his mother in his hands.
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The Reenactment of a Tragedy
"Unconditional love" - it should be pure and innocent yet it becomes the very reason for his self-destroying malicous decades long torture and agony.
With the death of Ai Aqua for the first time conscioussly witnesses what until then was just a deeply hidden ugly non-verbalized traumatic experience. Before Ai's death Gorou never realized the existence of it, let alone the depths of it nor how it affects his personality structure.
But now while he is the accomplice witness of an unfolding nightmare - with the heart of an infant and the brain of an adult - the surpressed trauma actually has a real reenactment...
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"I could never forget... The rusted metal-like smell of her blood penetrating my nostrils. Nor could I forget how the warmth slowly left her hand" (C51)

https://preview.redd.it/3hv2m50vxr2b1.jpg?width=1481&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7842bc1ac0945aab5149c505fd719c6139ca4370
This is probably the most impactful moment of self-realization in the Manga in terms of Gorou's psyche. Yes, Gorou's. These words reflect the core traumatic experience of Gorou's birth that was reenacted by Ai's death. This is not about Aqua and his roleplay as the Son of Ai Hoshino and it's certainly not the trauma of a fan who lost his favorite Idol.
These are the words of a newborn that could never forget the rusted metal-like smell of his mother's blood penetrating his nostrils. Nor could he forget how the warmth slowly left her hand. Can you imagine what he's actually describing her? How his mother was slowly bleeding out and dies while she was holding her newborn in her arms?
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Postpartum bleeding or postpartum hemorrhage is often defined as the loss of more than 500 ml or 1,000 ml of blood following childbirth.
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They were alone, Gorou was exposed to his dying mother until her last gasp. This shocking tragic accident describes the first moments of his early life as a horrifying Dispair.
And we can immediately see, that Ai's death scene was personally ment for Gorou. It's not a coincidence that Ruby would by shielded behind the milky glassed door while Aqua would be exposed to the fullest with all his senses. It's because the repetitive cycle of his personal trauma was ment to unfold exclusively to him. In the closed door that shields Ruby also symbolizes the earlier expressed maturity of Ruby's seek for maternal love. This little physical gap and the muffled visual and audible senses are a quintessential symbolization of the difference in the form of love Ruby and Aqua seek and quintessential to the importance of the circumstances of her death to each of them.
Likewise Ruby's discovery of Gorou's corpse as a triggering event of her personal trauma through the guidance of the crow was exclusively ment for her to experience. Aqua was "excluded" in the sense that he wouldn't recognize how important that corpse is to Ruby because then it would be immanent that they know each other, which at that point is not in the god's interest.
*
Now you might ask yourself: Okay, but why wasn't his desire fullfilled after some time, for example after he passed by the biological infant state? Why would he crave for this kind of love for years until her death? After some time he should have come to his senses and tell her about the danger, right? And why would he still follow her idol performances as a dedicated fan when we established that the idolization was only a surrogat expression of Gorou Amamiyas surpressed desire?
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The Reenactment of True Love
Gorou and Ai share a common goal. Ai wants to unconditionally love somebody and Gorou wants unconditionally to be loved. The reincarnation of Gorou as Ai's son sets the framework for a realization of both wishes.
The unconditonality of Ai's devotion that Gorou seeks from her as a mother isn't fullfilled. He early on realized through the performances he would witness as Aqua on TV that she looks at the camera and her fans with the same eyes and smile as she does at her kids. The purely physical devotion of a mother that takes care of her children like bathing them appears to him as an mechanized act, her mere obligation as a legal guardian. it's like "shaking hands" with a Fan after the idol concert. "Lies are an exceptional form of Love" she said to Gorou on the roof top (btw why is everyone opening up on that roof top, is it really like a therapist session whenever somebody enters it :)) thus he suspect she's acting towards her children the same way like towards her fans. Sure, a normal child wouldn't be that suspicious but Aqua is still a grown man and fully grasps the artificiality of his role as particular Ai's son. Eventually after all those years Aqua would still crave for an actual true expression of unconditional love that is exclusive to him. And Ai still was trying to love somebody but was yet too scared to express it to her children.
Now we can see why he would persist on his role as her son and supersede the danger of the culprit who killed him. For years he would ignore it because for years he was still crave for his desired love.
Just the fact of being supernaturally pushed to be her son wasn't fullfilling the desire of the infant at all, since deception and a lie is the core of this relationship. He would naturally jump back to old habits and absorb more love from the Idol Ai Hoshino over TV. But when Miyako took the twins to her concert and their cute dance triggered Ai's most sincere maternal smile it was actually a great moment of hope for Aqua.
This whole thing with the smile was pretty instructive. Because as you recall Ai was during ego-surfing reading the opinion of a fan who said her smile and expression wouldn't be convincing at all. Well I can't prove that this anonymous poster was Aqua himself but for the point I want to make lets just assume that it exactly articulates the impression Aqua shares with the poster. They both think that she lacks convincing emotionality "on stage" - a mysterious expression because for Aqua who is roleplaying this mother-son-relation it's also as observing her "on stage" at home. And his expectation as a child towards a mother is as obsessive as the expectation of a fan towards his favorite idol.
Unfortunately he gets "betrayed" (or maybe not, I will elabore later) because a little after Ai found this new and wonderful smile she would mechanize the same expression on stage for her fans, thus it lost the unconditional intimate character which should be exclusive between a mother and her child. Ai is the best and most ruthless liar of all time.
At the same time - lets entertain that he in fact was the anonymous poster - Aqua still has a lot of selflessness at his core personality, especially as he grows up, more of the upfront "Gorou" comes out again. It's not odd to assume that he really wanted to help Ai in her development as an famous Idol. I actually like this idea a lot and it's coherent with the type of Guy Gorou/Aqua outside of his very personal desire is: A carrying fine guy who genuinely wants the best for the people he feels close to.
Chronologically it also makes sense. She was holding Aqua on her lap and was complaining about the little money she makes. She was frustated and felt stuck. She said she wants to provide for her family. Then she went to her dance lessons and there she would sit down with her phone and read that message about her smile. Aqua could have predicted that she would ego-surf and therefore posted that tweet. Later on the concert Aqua and Ruby would reveal the "star power" that can influence others. A mirroring "star power" influence Aqua would perform on Kana's first idol concert when she exactly like Ai had trouble to express the sincere smile and joy.
On top of that the apparent "push" of Aqua has a certain providing husband-like character to it. Ai says she wants to provide for the family. In the end it's Aqua's interferrence that supported her wish. In this moment he acted the identity of Gorou the doctor when he was looking out for her best interests as a pregnant woman, a bit like a loving and carrying husband.
In a a future contrasting juxtaposition fine moments like this will help Aqua to realize that the amount of guilt he feels for her death is exaggerated and unfair since he genuinly was also looking after her even as her child. And of course we all remember his influence on Gotanda after she was cut out of his movie.
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Gorou's core determining trauma is not that easy to grasp and that's because it's coded as emotional raw data into his subconsciousness. There is another very important trauma at the core which prevents him from realizing the importance of that love that was finally granted to him in Ai's last moments. He didn't realize that this was an sincere reenactment of true love his dying mother gave him after his birth. This frame in the anime gives it basically away: Her hair like the hair after an extremely painful deadly birth. She is all sweaty, exhausted and anemic but also the truely happiest woman she ever was. It's like saying: There is no point of feeling guilty, I'm so glad I gave birth to you, my son. I love you...
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https://preview.redd.it/6veu0yctbs2b1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0883f041277110fc0fadca5c8290e63c2ea72e4f
And is there even any base for guilt at all? The chapter "What is Guilt" in this essay turned out to be the shortest one. It's maybe also the grand tragicirony of Aka's story. "Guilt" and revenge for it's sake occupy Aqua's entire purpose in life, yet it has the most fragile irrational foundation, born from trauma and self-misunderstanding. One final thought: It's also not forgiveness. The kind of love that Gorous mother expressed for him after her birth wasn't forgiveness as it implies guilt. No, she is simply happy and unconditonally loved her son. He is not guilty.
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The next chapter in PART II will be called "The Reeactment of Violence" and in this we will find hidden links between Gorou's trauma with a father-figures in his life, the missing father who impregnated his mother but wouldn't provide for him, how this is reflected on Kamiki but also expressed in Aqua's husband-like behaviour towards Ai, but also his poisoned relationship to his Grandfather and how all of this comes together on the scenery of Ai's murder. And much more....